This morning I voted for Hillary Clinton.
24 hours ago, this would not have been a statement I would have expected to make. Since the start of his campaign, I’d been excited about Bernie Sanders. I’d been thrilled that finally there was someone as far left as me who has a chance to make it to the big show.
Let’s take it back. I’ve felt that both candidates would be perfectly solid Presidents. Both have strong liberal backgrounds, and I’ve been pushing that we need to be unified whomever it is against Trump. However, recently a friend who supports Bernie pointed out to me - in a passively scolding way - that 9 out of 10 of my pro-Democrat posts were defending Hillary, and how weird this was for someone who’d put it out there that he was for Sanders. This friend took issue with my speaking of my frustrations with the actions of Bernie supporters, and used my statements that I would defend Bernie supporters under similar attacks to demand I stand up to someone who’d echoed the very concerns I’d posted about. This same friend attempted to wrangle me into a debate with a Hillary supporter on another post in order to defend Bernie’s honor. This time, I agreed with the Bernie supporter that the Hillary comments were off base, but when I attempted to step in, the best argument I could come up with that either candidate would be a fine choice. I found myself unable to make a solid argument for why Bernie was the better of the two.
So I did some soul searching on this, on why I couldn’t make the argument and why I had been so focused on Hillary as of late. And I realized that I don’t remember anymore why I felt Bernie was better. The truth is their campaign hadn’t talked about issues for months, and their focus was on complaining about Hillary and the DNC. Where were the progressive stances? Where was the fighting for the rights of the disenfranchised people rather than the disenfranchised voter base? Where was black lives matter? Were we really ignoring the rights of people, gambling them away, for the prospect of a potential revolution? It was becoming religious. But even this was not new to me. I’d been posting about this for months on Facebook. Still, I’d hoped, in spite of that, I could find underneath the rubble of vitriol what had drawn me to him in the first place. Even this was not enough to make me stop supporting him. I felt uneasy about being a vocal supporter, being wrapped in the frenzied mob, but I still believed in Bernie.
I stopped believing one was inherently better.
I wanted the primary season to end. I wanted to start focusing on going after Trump, who is the real enemy.
But still, I had to choose.
And then, last night changed everything for me.
The change really started over the weekend. Hillary’s speech against Trump was what I felt needed to be said, and I wasn’t happy with Bernie’s response. But it really came to pass last night.
When the news came that Hillary was the presumptive nominee, my wife was ecstatic. I’m talking over the moon happy. She’d been more invested in this year’s election than any before, and history was looking to be made. We discussed the ramifications of the announcement. She felt some sadness that we were on different sides, but she made it clear that she would have respected my decision to vote for Bernie. And I lay at night, and I thought about this. And I came to realize that on none of Bernie posts did any of my Hillary-supporting friends attack me, call my views into question, or debate me in a way that wasn’t respectful. If there were disagreements they were civil and purported that we were on the same level of intelligence. Contrary to that, the Bernie supporters on my page had been policing my feed. Come back to the friend earlier. Who notices that 9 out of 10 posts are based on one candidate, and has the gall to call someone out on that? And my final push to Hillary was the same reason I’m posting this on Tumblr as opposed to Facebook - I’m afraid that if I admitted I voted for Hillary either it’d be like Captain America being Hydra all over again, I’d be called a liar and possibly be accused of undermining Bernie by “claiming to be a Bernie supporter but putting out pro-Hillary propaganda”, or I’d be called naive, or be chastised for giving in. And honestly, fuck those people, it’s my fucking feed and my fucking vote. And the fact that people on one side feel entitled to make those comments makes me aggravated. And I sat with this. I didn’t care anymore who won, really, as long as we fight Trump, so do I go with my wife and with people who would be supportive of me for making the decision I feel right, or do I go with the purity-demanding, us vs them contingent? Do I support unity or division? Is it worth it to risk the rights of others to get everything I want?
