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Dear Diary
I have a riddle: What is the difference between a Prince and a fool?
I scream, for I do not know.
horatio: you will lose this wager, my lord.
hamlet: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise.
hamlet: *opens another youtube video on fencing*
horatio: we’re doomed
hamlet: everything will go wrong today.
horatio: I take it my lord is a glass half empty sort of person?
hamlet: half empty, and ‘tis not even what I ordered
ophelia: I just loved my dad so much, and now I’m never gonna get to say goodbye, you know?
hamlet: I’m sorry. Must be hard.
hamlet, to camera: Hearing about ophelia’s dad really struck a nerve with me. Especially since I’m the one that killed him.
Exposing the Ghosts of Elsinore
horatio: you’re on, my lord.
hamlet: ah, so, horatio and I were thinking...if I could hold court with the ghost of my father - wouldn’t it be reasonable that we could commune with other spirits in the castle as well?
horatio: sounds feasible
hamlet: tonight, we’re gonna try to contact the ghost of Yorick, my old jester who died some time ago. we’ve got his skull and a potion recipe I stole off of three women with beards. Let’s do it!
*two hours later*
horatio: where is he? WHERE IS HE?!
hamlet: I DON’T KNOW!
*muffled sounds of juggling music*
horatio: HE’S GOT MY LEG! SAVE YOURSELF!
hamlet: horatio, NO!
*clown honking*
gertrude: what the HELL IS GOING ON
Dear Diary
If thou sees me doing a soliloquy thou must wait. I do not care what urgent matter thou has to say - once the thought horse leaves the stable, we are going the whole three hours!
I, Hamlet the Dane, officially endorse giving everyone a sword. I think it is a necessary good that every citizen receive one complimentary sword.
Art thou a peasant? Have a sword.
Doest thou play music? Have a sword.
Perhaps thou is a holy man pledg’d against violence? Nonsense. Have a sword.
You get a sword, and you get a sword!
Reasons why everyone should have a sword:
It’s fun
You will feel powerful
Fitness training
We’ll be ready if that dude Fortinbras invades
You can all stab mine uncle as he parades drunkenly through town. Go ahead! They can’t stop all of you!
horatio: *flips on the light*
horatio: WHAT THE HELL
hamlet, hanging upside down from the chandelier: I’m trying to sleep here
