November 20th, 2023
In my travels through life, I've come to realize that a lot of issues I suffer from come from the traumatic experiences of life itself. At the young age of four, I witnessed domestic violence, child abuse (some of which landed me in the hospital) -- I was displaced from life at an early age. As I've gotten older, I did blame everyone for my faults.
But when you're confined and you're forced to look at yourself through these concrete mirrors, it is a constant reminder that you messed up. And it's no one's fault but your own.
How do you admit that to someone if you can't admit it to yourself?
My aunt taught me the rights and wrongs of life, but because the wrongs were never explained to me, I became rebellious -- I became everything that was dished out to me. I punished women for the actions of my mother. I bullied the weak because I was bullied by my father. I took all the bad things that happened to me and used it to treat other people who really loved me messed up. So now I sit alone in prison, remaking myself and trying to apologize to as many people as I can so that I can sleep at night; and there are a lot of sleepless nights.
When I found out that I had mental health issues, I was already into my second decade of my prison sentence. That was a heavy blow because of the stigma that surrounds it. It's not something loosely or easily talked about.
But I am willing to face this thing head on. I don't know how bad I am -- but for me to like or enjoy being locked in solitary, that shows how bad it is and can be. Some prisoners in here cannot take the solitude because their minds drift in and out of the wrongs they've done and they can't be alone with their own thoughts. So sometimes you will get sudden outbursts from them, which means that they will be forcefully removed from their cells and taken off to the hole, which administration calls "restrictive housing."
This can be further damaging to the mind. Mentally ill people are trapped in a system that's incapable of delivering the long-term care that many prisoners need.
I've begun my mental health healing journey by hearing and reading stories about famous people overcoming their battles, such as tennis champion Naomi Osaka and NBA player Kevin Love.
So with the little things I've done, I've tried and reached out to as many people to whom I've caused discomfort. I've even started writing urban fiction novels as part of the process. Finding a hobby sometimes is the best therapy -- don't take my word for it, though; I have no degree in this field.
I want to thank you for taking the time out to read my blog. I will be sharing short stories and a little bit more about myself and my growth. So be on the lookout for my first urban novel later next year! Have a good day and a blessed week.
From Eric Humes -- Caged In Publishing
Eric Humes #119468 CSP POBOX 777 Cañon City, CO 81215 USA
