Okay, so ep 10 of Be My Favourite has left me ... frustrated? Talked a lot to my friend @ommited-miscellaneously about the way Kawi’s character seems to have switched and how uncomfortable the dynamic between them was and how weird some decisions were (like the mom, like ?????????). Is he ace coded? After some consideration, I doubt it. I rather like the theory (of @shouldiusemyname ) of him being an observer who isn’t used to be an active participant but also going in blind.
But regardless if it’s one of the two or the good old “one of them needs to be pushy and the other needs to play coy to the point of seeming repulsed”, it was done badly in my opinion. Like, a lot of people seem to think them sleeping together in the end was romantic and a sign of Kawi realising he actually likes to do all of that with Pisaeng, but it made me highly uncomfortable.
Pisaeng had been trying to get any sign of affection from his boyfriend this last episode and Kawi has reacted repulsed to the smallest touches. Could it have been the nerves? Sure, but it’s still not a cool move, dude. Did his avoidance of actually telling Pisaeng what had been bothering him and instead saying he “ENJOYED” himself this day despite clearly been aggressive and rejective the whole day sit wrong with me? Definitely. Like, sorry, but this treats Pisaeng as if he’s dumb and can’t see when someone actually has a bad time? There was a chance for communication and it wasn’t used at all. Instead, they instantly jump to the sex!!
Which was the next ... uncomfortable thing. Like, they haven’t had a sober kiss yet. And Kawi clearly doesn’t feel ready. Why the fuck, do they need to jump to sex instantly, without proper communication, when they haven’t even had a sober kiss? Why couldn’t they have a talk so Pisaeng understands and they then can proceed to like ... watch a movie and cuddle, hold hands and share a first tentative kiss? This felt so rushed and I’d only accept it if it’s going to explode into their faces next episode.
Also, I was getting BohnDuen flashbacks. Of course, Kawi isn’t as bad as Duen, but the way he treats Pisaeng’s simple wish to spend time with his boyfriend and thinks Pisaeng wants to jump him all the time, wasn’t sitting right with me. Most of the episode he was an outright asshole to him while Pisaeng was so desperately pushy. Yes, the nerves but DAMN, that’s what the offer for communication at the end has been for! Like, I can accept a lot of reasons for him being overwhelmed but it still stands that Kawi didn’t use the chance to communicate his struggles and he should have grown enough as a person till now to use that. And if he doesn’t, on purpose, then this show suddenly gets deeper and less wholesome and light than it was during the past episodes. And to me, it rather felt like a checkmark.
Somehow, this kiss felt also less natural and comfortable as the two drunk kisses they have shared before. Yes, the nerves, but I’d argue that the circumstances made it feel different. In those two kisses before we’ve seen Kawi communicate a clear need and wish to be close to Pisaeng and initiate the kisses (hell, him being unable not to play with Pisaeng’s hair in the first one was adorable AF and exactly the vibe I would have wished for their first time - let me see that he enjoys it!) and nothing of that need or his crush on Pisaeng has been shown in this episode?
We know that Pisaeng has been going to the future, too, we just don’t know since when and how often and what he’s learned. But if they need to constantly travel through time and their relationship STILL raises my hackles like that ... maybe they shouldn’t be together at all?
Really, this episode it sometimes felt as if Kawi isn’t really interested in a romantic relationship with Pisaeng at all or that he never thought beyond “getting together for the greater good”. It leaves me baffled after all those episodes before which were well done and a lot of fun and I wonder if something changed/if the problems were here all along/if the writers actually have a magic trick up their sleeves that will make it all make sense and be good????
So yeah, my thoughts on this are complicated and I’ve spend a good portion of last night trying to put my finger on why both of their behaviour felt so wrong to me (yes, Pisaeng’s, too - it felt almost mindlessly pushy???). In the end we have to wait and see ^^°
As an extra, things that would have made it better in MY opinion:
more time between Pisaeng confessing and Kawi realising his own feelings, maybe with Pisaeng actually exploring his sexuality more and having boyfriends (he’d know better what he wants and Kawi could maybe observe what a relationship with Pisaeng might look like and also what he wants from his relationship with Pisaeng?)
them having an actual talk about what they want and need and their fears
them NOT jumping to sex instantly but also NOT avoiding any other form of intimacy (and IF Kawi has intimacy issues then PLEASE talk about that!)
have Kawi initiate cute moments in between too, let us see his need to be close to Pisaeng and be supportive (and not only have him promise it in a call with Pisaeng’s horrible mom - no I won’t forgive her being homophobic and distant 99% of the show just to have a last second switch) despite being a bit overwhelmed and nervous
Have Pisaeng NOT pretend as if he’s had a horrible fight with his mom to come and be with Kawi, this was stupid and not in character all along, wtf guys?
Have them break up and I mean this seriously - I was so uncomfortable during this episode and the fact that they didn’t properly talk made me think that if this goes on (or would go on irl because the show might just behave as if everything is fine next episode) they are doomed. If they don’t find a way to properly communicate their needs and limits, they’ll get stuck in the worst relationship, thinking this is the only way to make sure the world is happy? Thanks, I hate it.
Anyway, I wrote a quick breakup scene here and will now wait and see what next week brings. It might be the build up for the angst in episode 11 as always but I currently have a hard time believing that they’ll handle the topic properly and well enough for me to want them still together in the end (pls prove me wrong pls prove me wrong pls prove me wrong) and that would be a damn shame because the show has been fun and cute so far. But we’ll see ...
So far thank you @ everyone who read till now. No hate please, this is MY opinion and you can have another. I’d rather be convinced that my view is too unjust but I’ll only accept friendly discussions. Rude comments will be blocked. Thank you! <3
so i get it young people or people who aren’t well versed in fandom/internet etiquette yet, might not know this and no one tells them so I WILL TELL YOU ALL NOW :
you know when you see cool artists with cool drawing and you get all excited right? you love their art and even better if you can be friends with them?
but some things that you do that might gonna end up annoy those artists and could potentially make them AVOID YOU INSTEAD :
1. reposting their art. by repost, it means : you downloaded their art and post it as your own post. why do artists didn’t like when their art is reposted? you’re just sharing their art and want everyone to know right?
people who didn’t know the artist or you would see the art uploaded on your account without credit and they gonna think YOU are the one who made it. from scratch. all of it....when that's not the case, but people don’t usually check. so the recognition and comments and praise goes to YOU, instead of the actual artist
kinda the exact opposite of what you want to achieve if you want to share their work and want to make everyone know how good artist they are isn’t it?
so what to do then? how do i tell them i love their art without them ended up hating and annoyed by my approach?
by REBLOGGING (or REPLY AND RETWEET if you’re on twitter). wait till the artists themselves upload it on their account and then REBLOG/RETWEET. or if you must feeling like, inspired or want to make fanart of their fanart, you can reblog the original art post with your art or reply the original art post if it’s in twitter, and this way, both the source art, and your fanart of said fanart is there, and it won’t look like you’re stealing/taking the art without permission
2. similar case when when a fic writer got a “when ‘s the next update” comment on their fic, let them finish their work on their own pace, i know you're excited for their next work but BE PATIENT PLEASE. maybe you just want to ask when is it done, but that kind of question can be taken as "hurry up and finish it!"....some artists might get put off by such demand and might not even gonna want to finish it because of that, like "who are you? you didn’t even pay me to make this why are you so demanding?" so better be careful
same thing with REQUESTS. demanding free request out of nowhere when you just met for few days isn’t gonna make good impression....
sometimes the artists just don’t have time, or have real life stuff going on, life, work, or just don’t have energy or ideas to make new art or finish the art and such things cannot be forced. they're human beings with their own life and schedule too, please consider that.
Please i know you probably had no idea, and i apologize if this post sounds harsh or overwhelming. But i'm worried that you might end up driving those artists/other fan creators away if you're not mindful when interacting with them
woke up out of a dead sleep again, this time unable to breathe. it's becoming more common, that i can't catch my breath. i feel like i'm drowning, all the time.
i worry about pumpkin. she's so much smaller than me, she's been breathing that shit in for just as long. i'm scared for her.
the washington unemployment office fucked us all royally again. it had all of us "reapply" again and now no one is getting paid. i'm scared. i didn't have the money for this disaster in the first place, and now i have no income at all.
i haven't been this stressed about money in a long time. i haven't cried about money in a long time. i'm scared.
my grandparents told me to open a claim with our renters insurance people, but my mom is forcing me to handle it. i don't want to. i've never done that shit before.
my mom made me give her $ for the grad party yesterday that i was saving for weed and i'm honestly pissed about it. weed is fucking expensive here and it's part of my mental health treatment. my mom drives me up the wall sometimes.
someone messaged me on instagram asking me about my *nlyf*ns. i haven't had one for over a year. my account is gone. i do not want to get back into sex work. literally why is this guy like this. i hate men sometimes.
they say your 20s suck and you get your shit together in your 30s. i might not fucking survive long enough to get there.
ok so, long story relatively short: a few months ago, i joined a tvd group rp where i played caroline and it was truly one of the best group rps i’ve ever been in. on this group, the admin would post tasks frequently and one of them was that we had to post letters that our characters had written at some point of their lives. my immediate thought was to write something related to the shitshow aka finale, but then this came into my mind and i was like ‘holy shit, that’s it’. so, without further ado, here’s the letter.
ps.: i put it under read more bc shit’s long. like almost 5k long lol
February 19th, 2016.
Dear mom,
I know, I know; this is weird. Usually, if I want to talk to you, I’ll just drive up to the graveyard and talk on and on about my day and random things. But I’m currently at the hospital and Ric is forcing me to stay until I’m discharged even thought I’ve told him twelve times that I’m all healed up. You must be wondering what I’m doing at the hospital in the first place. Don’t worry, I’m fine, I promise. I’m here because just three hours and forty six minutes ago - yes; I did ask Ric to tell me the exact hour they were born just so I could count it -, I gave birth to two super adorable and equally as healthy babies. I’ll spare you from all the gory details— mostly because I don’t remember any of them since I was asleep during the whole time and Alaric refuses to tell me how everything went down. He says it’s over and I should focus on the now, and that means the two bundles of joy that haven’t cried once since they left my womb. It still feels so weird not to have them inside me anymore. I was so used to feeling them move around, kicking me all the time. And now it’s just… too quiet. I’m not complaining though, it’s so much better to have them in my arms than kicking me in the ribs every two seconds.
You’re never going to guess what their names are!! So, I never really discussed it with Ric because they’re not biologically my kids and I didn’t want to overstep, but I’d always drop a few hints here and there; bringing up my favorite baby names during casual conversations. Though I’m not entirely sure if he got the message or just thought pregnancy was driving me crazy. Anyway, today he wheeled the girls into the room I’m staying and asked if I wanted to hold them, and I - after asking if he was sure it was okay because I didn’t want to hurt them or anything - said yes. When he placed the first baby in my arms (she was all wrapped up in a white blanket and sound asleep, it was the cutest thing ever), he told me her name is Josie, as a homage to her mother. Then, he took the other baby in his arms and guess what?! He told me he named her Elizabeth. Can you believe that?! He could’ve chosen any name in the world, and yet he chose yours. Because he knew how much it’d mean to me. His gesture was so sweet and I’m very grateful for it and for him. Ric is going to be an amazing dad and those girls are so lucky to have him in their lives.
Like I said before, I’m not allowed to leave the hospital, so I had to find another way to talk to you that wouldn’t be me talking to myself in a hospital room. No offense, mom, I love you. And I know you’re always around watching over me, but I really don’t want to be moved to the psych ward just because one of the nurses caught me rambling to myself. Ok, ok, focus!! The thing is, I just wanted to say that I understand you. I finally do. The second I laid my eyes on Josie, it was like the world had shifted and something clicked inside of me. Now I understand why you were always so protective of me, and why sometimes you’d be more severe than usual. You just wanted to make sure I was safe. I get that now because it’s the exact same thing that I want for these babies. I just want them to be safe. They’ve fought against every odd to be here and I can’t help but feel proud of myself. After all, I'm the reason why they’re here today. I know they’re not biologically mine, but I carried and gave birth to them. I can’t just go back to how it was before, can I? I don’t think it’s even possible.
I was used to the idea of not getting to be a mom; I truly was. But now there’s these two adorable babies sleeping less than a feet away from me and I just can’t help but feel like I’m their mom, you know? It’s only been a few hours since they were born, but I already can’t see myself without them. This is the most intense, deep and extremely crazy feeling I’ve ever felt. God, I have so many questions I wish I could ask you. Did you feel the same way when I was born? Did you want to hold me all the time, too? Because that’s how I feel right now. Ric took Josie away from me, claiming that I should get some sleep because we had a crazy day today, and I had to bite my tongue to control myself from begging like a child.
I wish you were here right now, mom. So bad. I have no idea of what I’m supposed to do now that I’m no longer a magical oven and my “job” is done. Should I go back to being a regular college student or should I ask Ric if he wants some help, at least for the first month or two? I don’t know what to do and I know you’d know exactly what to say to make me feel better. I wish you could be here to meet them. They’re the prettiest, most adorable newborns I’ve ever seen and I’m sure you’d love them as much as I already do.
I miss you so much, mommy. Especially now. And I promise you that someday, when Lizzie and Josie are old enough to understand what I’m talking about, I’ll tell them stories about the bravest woman I’ve ever met. You.
