timid and apprehensive
we attracted one another
like powerful magnets--
beyond our control
we battled our apprehension
with bravery
we stepped out
onto an unfamiliar ledge
that reminded us of limbs
we'd stood on before
but this was different
we were careful
weren't we?
we tempered ourselves
moved like thick syrup
then fast
like falling
and all of a sudden
we were there
in that place we said
we didn't want to go
that we had been before
with others
that place in which things
were difficult and never worked out
because we could never
let go
of who we had been before
this
before this we had been
different
more focused
less scattered
our faces turned away
from our wounds
our noses pointed skyward
in the presence of romantic love
before this
we had hurt people
who wanted to possess us
we had told them no
taken our toys
and gone home
before this
we didn't know
what it was like
to surrender to an uncontrollable force
that would take our hearts hostage
to serve greater purposes
but we are both
stubborn and sensitive
stoic and transparent
judgmental and selfless
these traits bounced back and forth
between us
creating the ultimate impasse
as we settled into familiar roles
that no longer fit who we are
but it just felt so damn good
to be held
that we pretended not to see
or just failed to address
how what we were doing
was leading us nowhere
at best
conflicted you
couldn't fully commit
while committed me
couldn't bear to see
your inner conflict
so I gave you a way out
and you took it
and surprisingly
that wounded me--
(chuckle)
who on earth can comprehend emotions?
and who am I
to mean something to you
greater than all the rest
I am not even myself
fully
I am not anything anymore
and I am somewhere
between where we were
and nowhere
wondering what the fuck
just happened
why am I bleeding
and how do I get back
to myself
perhaps sometimes it is better
to be apprehensive
than it is to be brave