Chapter Summary: Namphueng talks to Chay, Porsche, and Kim about Pat and her theory regarding Milan. Kim ponders the way he experiences attraction. Chay accidently finds a hidden compartment in Khun's desk containing a secret. Milan and Pol find an even bigger secret shortly after.
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Honestly might be splitting the next chapter of Progression so I can get one posted. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be for chapter 28 plot wise, and that is partly due to lack of time and also Chay and Kim having a long conversation about what attracts them to each other. So all of those questions with the characters might be pushed back a chapter. Trying to figure it out now, but I do promise chapter 28 is a VERY KimChay heavy chapter and at least setting up for Kim's full realization that he is on the ace spectrum and likely demisexual.
Apologies for lack of normal formatting to differentiate signing and texting from voiced lines. This is a much longer preview than normal and it would have taken a long time to format. For some reason, those aspects do not copy & paste into Tumblr like they do AO3). But Namphueng is still solely signing here, and Kim mostly chooses to when communicating with her.
Now...onto the preview. Or like 1/5 of the chapter lol.
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“He was your…husband.”
Porsche’s words are said in a thick, nervous voice, as if he is afraid to tell Namphueng or talk about it. Namphueng supposes it would be strange to inform someone that a man they are just remembering is their husband.
Especially when she is a lesbian.
Part of her wants to immediately deny it, tell Porsche that he is ridiculous for thinking such a thing. She has only loved Milan. She still loves Milan with her entire soul. Nothing changes that, even if what Porsche is saying is true. It really does not seem true. She is a lesbian, so it probably isn't.
But at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a lie either. For one, Porsche looks emotional and sincere, so does Chay. Kim had looked uncomfortable until he went into the kitchen, which is actually what made her believe anything they might say would be true. No one is more affected by uncomfortable truths than Kim is. On top of that, she feels things when she remembers Pat. Not overwhelming love and yearning like she feels for Milan, but she feels…trust. Friendship. Security. Partnership. A love that is genuine and steady, but feels very familial.
“Are you sure he's not my brother?”
Porsche and Chay look at each other before looking at her again.
“No, Ma. He's not. He was your husband.”
Was. Was. What does that mean? Did they get divorced? That would make sense if her feelings about him then resemble the ones she has now, but it doesn't seem right. Despite knowing within her heart that she is a lesbian, she doesn't feel like it was a divorce.
Deep down, there is a voice telling her she is right.
“What happened to him?” Namphueng asks, trying her best to stay calm. She knows they are more nervous talking about stuff with her now. She's not stupid. They are worried she will hurt or kill herself because she tried to do just that. She needs to stay calm, especially for Porsche. She feels a spike of concern as tears well up in his eyes and he takes a sharp breath in. As for Chay, he just watches his brother silently until Chay turns to her.
“He…He died,” Chay gets out, “I'm really sorry, Ma.”
Namphueng has no choice but to take that in. Process the news. It makes her very sad. She doesn't cry. She feels like it is something she has known, which is all the more reason all of this is probably true. She doesn't remember much. She remembers Milan referring to him. She remembers having a few…classes with him? She even remembers spending time with him in an…apartment? Maybe a house? It's all blurry. Even his face is blurry. She remembers parted, black hair and glasses.
And she remembers something else. Something important.
“I’m sad,” Namphueng signs. Both of the boys nod in agreement.
Namphueng nods, because that's true. Even if she can't remember very much, she knows that to be true. When she thinks of what she can remember, she feels comfort, trust, and companionship. Pat understood her. He wanted similar things as her, even though she can't exactly remember what all of those things were.
She remembers he was similar to her.
“I did,” Namphueng signs, “I think…I think he was one of my closest friends. He understood me and he cared about me a lot. I understood and cared for him too. I don't remember his name, but Pat’s boyfriend was also a close friend of mine. He died too. Pat was very, very sad-”
“Boyfriend?” Porsche says, waving his hands to cut in, “Pa- Pat didn't have a boyfriend.”
Namphueng tilts her head, then remembers earlier on, going out with Pat, his boyfriend, and Milan. She thinks it was right after she started school?
She remembers going to school. She lived in a dorm. When Pat’s boyfriend died, she got an apartment with Pat, but she doesn't…she doesn't remember Milan there, not much. She remembers Milan and Pat getting along the times she did come over, but it wasn't as frequent after…
Ugh.
Namphueng thinks Milan dated someone else too, because she remembers her bringing a man over. Gun. Milan married Gun. Milan had two sons with Gun. Why did Milan do that?
Bitch.
No, not a bitch. She doesn't even know why she thought that. From the dreams and random memories she has had, Namphueng thinks she is the one who broke things off, not Milan. So maybe SHE’S the bitch. She did marry Pat, but she doesn't think she and Pat lied to each other. She KNOWS that man is gay.
Was gay.
She feels like she told him she was a lesbian too. The thought that she kept it from him doesn't feel accurate at all-”
“Ma! He wasn't gay!”
Why does Porsche care?
“He was,” Namphueng signs, “I can NOT see myself marrying a man who is straight or even interested in women. I also remember him being gay. Don't be homophobic, thanks.”
“I'm not homophobic!” Porsche snaps, jumping to his feet, “I'm with Kinn! But it makes no sense for the two of you to have gotten MARRIED when both of you were supposedly gay!”
“Hia,” Chay prompts hoarsely, but Porsche isn't finished.
“It doesn't make sense, Ma! It just doesn't! You loved each other!”
“...Yes. We did,” Namphueng signs in a placating way, even though she doesn't know why Porsche is THIS upset, “I cared about him deeply. He was one of my closest friends. I think…I think his family didn't accept him? Maybe that's why we got married? I don't know. I don't remember. But I am very sad that he is dead and I would like to visit his grave or urn sometime soon so I can talk with him. Maybe not yet. I'm sad. But soon.”
“Ma! You…You don't…You can't-”
Porsche cuts himself off and begins to pace, all while Namphueng sits there patiently. She doesn't really want to sit there patiently. This isn’t even Porsche’s business. She doesn't know why he knows about Pat in the first place, or why he's upset Pat had been gay. But something in the back of her head is telling her to be compassionate, to be kind and gentle with him. It's saying this is hard on him.
Of course it is hard on him to find out like this.
Why did she think that? What does that even mean?
To take her mind off of it, she ignores Porsche’s pacing and turns to Chay.
“Thank you for telling me about Pat. While I am very upset to hear about his passing, I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I'm sorry that you and Porsche are affected by this conversation. I will try not to bring him up around you-”
“It's not that, Ma,” Chay says hoarsely, then looks at Porsche, “But uh…Maybe we should move on for now. For Hia’s sake.”
Porsche’s pacing gradually comes to a halt as he seems to gear himself up to be confrontational or say something daring. But he doesn't. Instead, his shoulders slouch and he sits back down again.
“Sorry about upsetting you,” Namphueng signs, and she means that, “We can move on.”
Both of the boys stare at her before Porsche looks around.
“Where did Kim go?”
Chay lets out a sigh, “He wanted to give us privacy so he is making lunch to take to the studio for everyone tomorrow.”
“Maybe uh…” Porsche starts, “Maybe he should be in here? Kinn and Tankhun too-”
“No,” Namphueng signs, then holds up her hands, “I understand it's important for them to know, but I don't want to upset them right now. I shouldn't have said it in front of Kim. He lives with me and I thought it was important to tell him my theory. I wasn't thinking about Milan being his aunt. It's too late to take back, so I suppose he can listen to what I have to say and make a judgment call on if his brothers should know or not-”
“Kim!” Porsche calls out. Within seconds, Kim comes out of the kitchen. He was probably listening in. That's fair. She did bring up her strong suspicion that his father is keeping his aunt locked away in likely one of the many secret rooms in the compound. And it isn't much of a suspicion. It's a fact.
As Kim quietly comes into the room and sits in the chair diagonal from Chay, she wants to tell Porsche to move so Kim can sit with Chay. Kim might need comfort from his boyfriend.
But Porsche still seems to be the most overwhelmed, more so than the rest of them, and Namphueng knows they are all overwhelmed and upset. So Porsche is somehow feeling even worse.
“I don't know whether we should tell your brothers, but I think Milan is still alive,” Namphueng signs, meeting Kim’s eyes, “I know you must think I sound crazy. That this is a coping skill to convince myself of this. But it's not. I remember her with me in a couple of the rooms. Korn moved us around.”
Kim stares at her silently, opens his mouth to speak, then takes a shaky breath in and signs instead.
“What exactly do you remember of her?”
Namphueng thinks hard. She remembers being in some…trance. She would have moments of something resembling lucidity, enough awareness to get restless and upset. Sometimes that meant trying to get Milan to focus on her, other times that meant trying to leave the room and wander. When she thinks even harder, she remembers Milan having those same moments. Rarely did they ever reach those moments at the same time, the only times they did were with the nurses.
If Namphueng attacked them, Milan would always join in. If Milan initiated the aggression, Namphueng would do the same. Those moments all but stopped as the pill colors and sizes changed. That made it so they couldn't do much more than tend to their own basic needs when prompted, work on their preferred hobbies, and occasionally be just aware enough to take comfort in each other’s company, even though no words were exchanged between them. They were capable, but docile. They could barely think for themselves.
“I remember her first being brought in,” Namphueng signs, “I was painting. I think…I had a stronger sedative the day before. I was still out of sorts, but she seemed familiar. When she saw me, she ran for me and fell to her knees. Korn brought her to my room to punish her for something. I don't know what. But she kept saying she knew something hadn’t been right, that it didn't make sense she was never allowed to see…to see…”
Namphueng trails off, because Namphueng being dead doesn't make sense, nor does the word “bodies”. Maybe when Pat died, Milan had been told Namphueng died too?
“My body,” Namphueng finishes, “Korn must have told her I was dead, then wouldn't show her my body. I don't know why he would do that. He is evil.”
As Namphueng looks at Kim apologetically, she sees that he isn't offended. If anything, he is lost in thought until he meets her eyes.
“Do you remember anything else?”
Namphueng nods, “I have been remembering more and more recently. I have been meditating and putting on dream and memory recollection videos on my television while I sleep. I think they help.”
Chay lets out a sigh, “Are you…Are you sure you aren’t…dreaming everything? Or remembering wrong?”
“I remember,” Namphueng signs. She expected this, “I remember her being in the room with me. I remember when the medicine wasn't as…bad. It was still bad, but we interacted more. She would make me jewelry. That's what she did while I drew and painted. She made hand embroidered jewelry. Sometimes with thread, other times with tiny beads. She worked really hard at it. I remember her almost always giving the final results to me. They were beautiful. I don't remember her doing that when we were younger, but she was very good at it.”
Kim stares at her, his expression unreadable. Namphueng holds his gaze patiently until he digests the information and is ready to respond.
“I am worried about you being wrong and you trying to hurt yourself again.”
Namphueng nods, “I scared you and upset you that night. Of course you are. I will…Try my best not to if that's the case. I will remind myself that I have friends. People who care about me. I have Fern, Vegas, Macau, Pete, and Paris too. Milan’s family.”
Kim nods, “You do. You have them too. But I don't think they should know about this. Not yet.”
“...Okay,” Namphueng signs, pursing her lips, “So we need to find proof and then-”
“We need to find her. Not just proof,” Kim says, “Proof of her once being here will trigger them to do something drastic. They are too close to the matter. So are we, but we have been around Pa. We know how he is and need to investigate subtly but thoroughly-”
“Kim, you can't be encouraging this!” Porsche says, “This could end up really hurting her!”
Kim turns and meets Porsche’s gaze, “Do you think she will just drop it if we tell her to? Forget that she came to this conclusion?”
“I won't!” Namphueng signs sternly.
“She needs answers,” Kim says, “Even if they end up being upsetting answers, she still needs them. But we also need to remember to search for them…gradually. Go about this in a way that doesn't raise Pa’s suspicions. Maybe Khun and Arm can…I don't know, make him feel obligated when Arm’s sisters and nieces move in. Remind Pa how serious their relationship is and that Khun considers them his family. Convince Pa to go on day trips with them-”
“Oh, I'm sure they will all love THAT,” Porsche scoffs before muttering under his breath. Something about how his favorite couple isn't a decoy. Namphueng agrees. They aren't decoys. But surely Khun will want answers too.
“I think we should hold off on telling Kinn and Khun about this,” Kim tells them, “For now. It is…It's stressful to hear. Khun might automatically believe it's true and respond impulsively. Kinn may try to deny it's a possibility because he will be too defensive and upset over the thought of Pa doing something like that. Again.”
With that, Kim stands up and looks down at Namphueng, “It might take a while to investigate all of this. On top of that, we need to go about our daily lives as normal so we don't raise suspicions. I don't believe even Chan knew about you. I know for a fact Arm didn't, and he wouldn't know about Auntie Milan either. So there are likely security measures Pa put in place himself when it came to you. And if my aunt is hidden away, it's likely the same for her. I wouldn't be surprised if he strengthened them after making your presence known.”
Chay looks up at his boyfriend at that point, “Kim-”
“I accept,” Namphueng signs, standing up to give Kim a hug before pulling away, “Thank you for listening to me. I didn't want to upset anyone with this, but I thought keeping it to myself wasn't helping either.”
With that, Namphueng turns to Porsche and Chay.
“I am sorry if I upset you tonight by bringing up Pat. I am not sure why you are upset when he was my husband and close friend, but if you knew him and that brought up bad memories, I apologize.”
And she truly means that. She does. But the boys seem too overwhelmed to really do anything but nod and say it's fine. It makes her feel more certain that - when she's ready - she will ask for more details, maybe for some pictures of him too. She may not have loved him romantically, but he was one of her closest friends and she clearly loved him enough to marry him.
So if she finds out he died in a way that needs to be avenged, she will try her best to be the one who carries that out.
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Chay knows he needs to talk with Hia privately. But going by Hia’s dazed walk as he leaves the suite, Chay figures it would best be had tomorrow. As for tonight, Chay will keep his communication with his brother simple.
Chay: ❤️❤️❤️ I love you, Hia. Try to get some rest. Can we have dinner after I get back tomorrow? I should have some time in between then and my shift at Yok’s.
It takes several minutes, but Hia responds.
Hia: You're still working at Yok’s? Why?
Chay: Why wouldn't I?
Hia: You're heavily featured on an album of one of the biggest musical artists in the country.
Chay: And? I enjoy working at Yok’s too. I’ll quit after I start school. If I get in.
Hia: You’ll get in. ❤️ Are you okay?
Chay: I don't know. I guess, but I'm worried. How are you?
It takes His several minutes to respond to that too.
Hia: I'm okay. Get some rest. I love you.
Chay: Love you too.
Chay hears a whine beside him and looks down to see Koda sitting by his feet. He gets on his hind legs and balances them on Chay’s lap. Chay cups his dog’s face and briefly presses his forehead against his.
“You want to go for another walk while your papa finishes up cooking and avoiding the world?”
Once Koda hears his favorite word, he's by the door, wiggling his tail in excitement. Chay can't help but give the best boy in the entire world a big smile despite everything he just heard.
The walk is mostly uneventful. He takes Koda outside through one of the back exits and walks him around the large block the building takes up. It isn't as exciting as a walk at one of the parks, or one of the longer walks he and Kim will take him on that leads them to exploring other areas of the neighborhood, but it's more interesting to Koda than a walk inside the compound. Koda treats those walks pretty neutrally, although he keeps showing a lot of interest in the pool. But he hasn't completely healed from his surgery, so Chay isn't even trying it. Until then, Koda only gets excited to see some of the staff and guards, all while being cordial and passive with Korn. Probably for the best.
Koda does like Sand though. A lot. Not as much as he likes Kim, Ma, Hia, Khun, and Phoenix, but Kinn and Sand are likely on par. Although, Sand gives him more affection when he sees Koda, and Kinn awkwardly pats him and takes him on obligatory walks.
“You're still on compound duty despite becoming Korn’s guard?” Chay asks as soon at Sand squats down to ruffle Koda’s fur.
“Only a couple of nights a week,” Sand says, keeping most of his attention on Koda, “Korn is pretty low maintenance, at least so far.”
“I doubt it will stay that way,” Chay mutters, then takes a breath, “He…Sand, he was okay with getting his long-term head guard killed. You need to be careful around him.”
“Hm.”
“I'm serious,” Chay reiterates, “You can't trust him. You told me before you don't trust him-”
“How is your night?” Sand says, cutting Chay off, “That's how one usually starts a conversation.”
Chay stares at him for a moment, then clears his throat, “It's…okay. How is yours?”
“Slow. Boring-”
“Good,” Chay says, getting back on track, “Considering you are Korn’s guard now-”
“He picked a few guards. I happened to be one of them,” Sand says, “I didn't question it because he's older, Kinn is mainly in charge, and I was given a raise regardless the lack of missions Korn will likely be leading. Why do you care?”
“Because I care about you,” Chay says. Even though he has never felt anything truly romantic for Sand, he is still fond of him and considers him a friend to some degree - moreso than any of the other people he hooked up with. If he hadn't been in the headspace he had been in, he could see himself maybe being open to seeing where things might have led back then. But the sentiment - while true - still must come of as strange to Sand since he gives him a look.
“Uh huh.”
“I do,” Chay says gently, “You've been a friend to me. You always agreed to pair up with me for training and I hang out with you more than any other guard-”
“Not recently.”
…That's true.
“I'm sorry,” Chay says, “It…It’s been a few weeks since we have worked out and trained together. It's just been busy. I'm helping Kim with his album. And…We’re together now. You know that.”
Sand shrugs, “I am aware.”
Great. Chay thought Sand had been fine with it, unlike Vice and Mars, who still send him glares every once in a while.
“Are you pissed off at me over falling for and getting with Kim?”
Sand stays quiet for a moment, then shrugs, “No. Not really. I hope it's going well.”
Chay stares at Sand for a moment, “It is. It's going great. But…if you are comparing what the two of us did to what I have with Kim now and feel hurt by it, then I am sorry. I didn't…I wasn't going about anything right, and I upset a lot of people I should have treated with more kindness, care, and respect.”
“Your fuck buddies and random hook-ups? Kindness, care, and respect usually don't get associated with those kinds of arrangements.”
Chay winces at that, but moves past it, “You’re right, but…That wasn't who I wanted to be. I was going through a rough time and I was angry. I let everything I was doing spiral out of control and I regret sleeping with a lot of the people I did, but there are a few that were…I don't know. I am glad you still stayed my friend and didn't push for more or push me away once I decided to stop being the person I became. I don't regret what what we did together in the past, and I would like to be friends with you if you actually aren't mad.”
Chay feels himself shift nervously on his feet at Sand studies him curiously. Then, he gives Koda one last pat before standing up to full height.
“Then as your friend, I would advise you to not ask me questions about Korn.”
Chay squints at him, “I'm asking because I am concerned. He's not a good person. You know what he did to my ma and how he has treated Kim and Khun and-”
“Stop,” Sand says briskly, then stares straight ahead, “I need you to stop. You are one of the people he specifically noted in regards to who to keep our eyes on-”
“He told you to spy on me?”
“No,” Sand says, “He just said to note if we see anything suspicious coming from you. That you harbor…resentment that stems from grief and paranoia-”
“It doesn't stem from paranoia if he killed my pa and imprisoned my mother!” Chay hisses. It causes Sand’s unreadable and neutral expression to finally crack and it becomes an empathetic one instead.
“I’m telling you what he said to make sure you're careful around him, despite what punishment that may bring me if Korn found out. So do me a favor by being careful around him and stop bringing him up to me unless you absolutely have to.”
The conversation quickly becomes one sided after that. All Chay can do is begrudgingly mumble a goodnight before walking his dog the rest of the way around the block and leading him back inside. By the time he gets back to his suite and unhooks Koda from the leash so he can go to the kitchen and get some water, he finds Kim walking out of the room in question before sitting on the couch.
“How are you doing?” Kim asks, then lets out a sigh, “I should have asked you before. I should have stayed. It's just…she said what she did about my aunt and I needed time to think-”
“I get it,” Chay interrupts, “And I’m…stressed and worried. Mainly about Ma. I'm worried about this being a way for her to cope, something that gives her hope and drive until her theory is proven otherwise. She says it isn't and that she won't do anything drastic if she ends up being wrong, but she is so convinced she is right that it might not be the case if things end up going that way.”
Kim nods thoughtfully, “I'm worried about that too.”
Chay figured, but before he can sit down and talk it out with him, Kim continues.
“But despite that and logic telling me…telling me that her theory likely isn't true…part of me believes her.”
Chay sharply breathes in and feels his heart ache at that, “Kim-"
“It might be wishful thinking, but one thing she said is really bothering me,” Kim says, his gaze distant, “You ma said that her hobby was drawing and painting, while Auntie Milan’s was making and embroidering jewelry. Auntie Milan did do that. It was a hobby of hers.”
At that point, Kim’s gaze comes back into focus as he meets Chay’s eyes.
“But she didn't start doing that until after Khun was rescued. She used to sit with him a lot in the infirmary where he was kept sedated. She picked it up for something to do. She had a beginner’s book and everything. So how would your ma even know about it unless she witnessed it herself? And how would she witness it when she had been declared dead and held captive several years before Auntie Milan even picked up the hobby?”
There is no alternative explanation Chay can give. He doesn't have one. As for Kim, he doesn't seem to have one either.
Due to the delay in the new Progression chapter, this is the closest match I could find to the ring Khun got Arm that he's been hiding for over 8 months. Two characters may have found it while snooping, and it may be brought up during weed brownie night.
On top of that, they may be planning an anniversary vacation that will take place in chapter 29 - one that may happen at the same time as a trip Kim and Chay have been talking about for a while.
I've called it Reflection No. 28, which is in loving memory of Tyler Bunn. The reason for it being "Reflection 28" is because Tyler's Birthdate is the eighth of February. This piece, it is sort of a pondering, with slightly melancholic melodies and figures, but with a sort of brilliance and pride. It is for two flutes, oboe, English horn, two clarinets, bass clarinet, bassoon, two French horns, violins, violas, cellos, basses, vibes, marimba, chimes, bells, piano, and harp. I hope it'll be done in a couple of days. I hope I can capture the image of his life.... I don't know, though, how to capture his whole beautiful self in the piece. I do, though, know that the ending will be a sort of incompleteness. The ideas, the life of the piece will progress and grow older and suddenly, the idea will stop and there will be complete silence. This, this silence is the most important. It is a shockwave that is sent into the audience. It shocks the audience. It brings them to tears. It's like that something can be so beautiful, yet dissipate so quickly. This silence signifies the ending of themidea, but the resonance in the performing hall will signify the ever resonating spirit of one's persona. This silence, is the key part of the music. This silence signifies the death, yet ever resonating effec that one can have on other people's life.
