i thought i had 5 beers so i didn’t stop to get any on the way home. i got home & only had 3. i’ve finished them all & was going to go to the wine store because it’s the only thing open right now.
but i was productive when i got home, i cleaned & organized my kitchen & living room to the best i can with what i have right now.
i know that wine hangovers for me are a real thing, & it’s already 9pm, it’s my bedtime in an hour. so i’m just gonna smoke a few bowls & a few cigs, maybe have a snack then go to bed.
bless my landlord telling me a guy is coming in on wednesday to change the windows or whatever. or else i wouldn’t have had any motivation to clean & organize like i’ve WANTED to the past month. but just couldn’t find the will to do it. i’m cleaning my room tomorrow & then everything will be much more organized & much more clean.
i have a handful of people i can trust to know what trash i am. so when i accomplish something that may seem small to a healthy person, i send them pics/texts showing i cleaned/showered/ate/etc & they respond positively. telling me “good job” or “i’m proud” or anything positive that makes me feel good for acknowledging that i tried.
i fucking suck at being a person & sometimes i need some people to push me to do things i don’t care to do. & not like; go out w friends, family things, work out. i mean more like; shower, change ur clothes, eat something, clean ur fuckin room, etc.
i need hypemen to help me. & it’s sad & it’s pathetic. but i have friends who don’t judge me or resent me for it. i have real, true friends who know how hard i’ve been struggling the past year & who will have my back & love me & help me however they can. even if it’s just responding “i’m proud of you”
(sorry this is so long & rambly i’m really high right now lmao)
((remind me i have a personal post about canada day night that i want to post about since this is my honesty blog & i think it’s a thing i rly need to write about to fully process. OH also a pride weekend post. thanks))
