seen from Germany
seen from Czechia
seen from Switzerland
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Czechia
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from India
seen from Poland
seen from United States
daily affirmations:
I'm not being watched.
I'm not a horrible person.
no one is watching me through my phone's camera.
I will not fall for my mom's ragebait.
my friends don't hate me.
Stop saying differently abled when you mean disabled.
Stop saying gifted burnt out kid when you mean disabled.
Stop saying the c-slur when you mean disabled.
Stop saying 'super power' when you mean disabled.
Stop saying senile when you mean disabled.
Stop saying special needs when you mean needs for someone who is disabled.
Start saying disabled when you mean disabled.
Disability isn't, nor will it ever be, a dirty word. The only reason you think it's dirty is because you walked on it with muddy shoes.
real
The voice of the Paranoid
The mouse of a man, a coward hiding in his little hole, away from decision and responsibility... Until, of course, he can't run anymore. Dear lord do I love me a pathetic wretch!
Previous (Contrarian):
Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your
real
people think paranoia is tinfoil hats and conspiracy theories. but no. its an island. its being surrounded by loving people with genuine intentions and being so so so painfully lonely because you're TERRIFIED of the idea that everybody either secretly hates you or wants to hurt you. and you're convinced you deserve it anyways because you're the scum of the earth but you're still avoiding it because you're a coward who can't face the truth. it's begging people to just insult you or doxx you or hit you or whatever because you just wanna get it over with instead of sitting there anticipating 'the inevitable'. it's being attracted to people who abuse you because 'they're the only ones telling the truth'.
If you or anyone you know is/are struggling with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression, or mental traumas, please reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 for immediate, confidential support.
Premise: Platonic! Yandere! Batfamily x Neglected! Addict! Suicidal! GN! Reader.
Tags: Use of They/them, you/rarely first!pov,
No use of Y/n, Other ways to express names, Characters might not act canon!, we're finally just barely there and caught up towards the peak of the story.
Former chap: You and duke had a sleep over at your room, in which you are increasingly getting paranoid by things around you, you had a weird dream but went back to sleep.
Chapter six
Masterlist
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A Family Secret.
You knew that the family never trusted you.
How conversations died out as soon as you entered the room.
When you walked past the grandfather clock everyone or whoever was around would pause just a moment, as if terrified you'd uncover some military secret and rat them out.
Sometimes.
Just sometimes, you'd lay on your friends bed, or a random park at 2 in the morning, or under an abandoned house, and stare at the ceiling, not high off of anything.
No.
Those were the rare times where you wanted some peace with your thoughts.
The rare moments that made you face what you never wanted to see before.
They were the moments that made you realise what was always deep in your mind.
---
'Motherfucker!' You shouted, making Duke startled and jump up from the bed.
'W-what?! what happened?!' Duke says, concerned.
'The fucking joint we smoked last night burnt my fucking phone! i thought i had snuffed it.' You groaned and twisted out of bed, not sparing a glance at Duke.
'I can buy--' Duke started to speak.
'I can buy myself shit, get out of my room.' You moved to the bathroom, you had sweated all over your clothes and your breathing was shallow, walking into the bathroom, you took off everything and immediately jumped into the shower, shuddering under the change from wet, cold to warm.
You let the water soak you down, your gaze distant
...
After your shower, you got out and dried yourself, putting on cargo pants, with a belt and an oversized shirt that you were sure wasn't yours, you grabbed some jewelry that Jacky had given you, you left your room, snatching your phone from the bathroom counter beforehand.
'Hey.' A voice rang out, making you turn your head, confused and a little annoyed.
'Jason.' You muttered and turned, walking to the kitchen while checking your phone.
'So..heard that Duke slept over.' Jason starts, you didn't see the muscle twitch in his jaw, or the way his hand clenched.
'Yeah, and?' You kept your gaze on the phone, walking down the stairs.
'And..i was wondering--' He got cut off.
'___, Hey!' Dick said, walking towards you.
‘Jesus, do you guys need something? if not, then i’m leaving.’ You scoffed, walking down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen where you were sure that Alfred had made breakfast.
‘Com’on, ____, don’t be like that.’ Dick chuckles but it sounded strained.
‘Was it fun?’ Jason moved closer to you as the three of you walked.
‘What was fun?’ You questioned.
‘Sleeping over with Duke.’ He stated and you sighed.
‘It was whatever, get out of my way, bastard.’ You shoved him away, and walked into the kitchen to the smell of pancakes.
‘Fuck, that smells amazing.’ You plop down in a high chair on the island counter.
‘Good morning, It’ll be slightly cold outside today.’ Alfred speaks, plating you some pancakes.
‘Like..i need a thick jacket cold or it’s just a breeze cold?’ You asked, drowning your pancakes in syrup.
‘Like..maybe i can drive you to where you need to go kinda cold?’ Dick smiles gently, lowering himself towards on the counter.
‘Or, maybe this dickhead can mind his business.’ Jason laughs as Dick playfully shoves him away.
You don’t pay much attention to them.
You just wanted to go out.
‘Bye.’ You put down the cup of water and turn to leave.
‘W-wait, where are you going?!’ Dick is suddenly in front of you, you try to push him away but he doesn’t budge.
‘Out, can you move?’ You try to sidestep him but he moves with you.
‘Where out?’ You’ve had enough of this.
‘Fuck.’ Jason hisses, holding his breath slightly as Dick is doubled over, holding his crotch, right where you kicked him.
Meanwhile you had grabbed your bag and left the manor.
..
..
You went to the far end of Gotham, laying on hill, staring at the sky as you picked up a joint, smoking it.
‘Hm..’ You hummed, eyes low and slightly red, your throat dry but you couldn’t care.
‘…’ Was it always this quiet..?
…
You didn’t like this, ever since you had that sleepover with Duke, weird things had been happening.
Things such as others started to get closer to you, such as you constantly looking over your shoulder.
‘Fuck..’
This was supposed to be where you relaxed, where your mind would be free of everything.
You sat up, grabbing your thick hoodie, you pulled it over your body and laid back down.
‘. . .’ You Whispered, tears filling your eyes, your throat becoming tight, you pressed the heel of your palm onto your eyes and turned to your side.
‘Why’d you leave, you insufferable bitch.’ You whispered and giggled, taking a long drag.
‘Stupid.’ You whispered, curling up on the thick, green grass, the joint’s smoke being blown upwards into the air, the smoke in your mouth moved while you stared far away.
‘Huh, mind if i join?’ A voice, slightly rough spoke out from behind you.
You turned your head, only to see jason.
‘Only if you have your own shit.’ You replied as he let out a chuckle and sat down next to your curled up body.
He takes a cigarette out and lights it before he lays down.
‘What’s happening in that mind of yours, ___?’ Jason asks, rolling you over to face him.
‘Thoughts.’ You replied, mouth dry as he handed you water in which you greedily drank.
‘Yea, but what kind of thoughts?’ He persisted.
‘The kind that means it’s non’ of your fat business.’ You scoffed slightly and rolled away once again.
…
Jason didn’t talk again, maybe you were too rude or he was simply being petty.
Jason and you laid in the grass, staring at the sky for a long time.
‘I..never liked you.’ He spoke.
‘Jeez, thanks man, what a way to rub salt on a wound.’ You scoffed, sighing out the smoke as it drifted away.
You wish you could drift.
You wish you were the smoke that always found a way out, a way..
Out.
‘No, that..it came out wrong.’ He rubbed his face with his hands. ‘I mean..meant that when you first came into the manor..it was..nice.’
You paused, staring at the smoke from your burning joint.
‘..It was nice.’
‘…’ Jason went still for a moment.
He stared at the side profile of your face and leaned in closer.
‘Why can’t it be nice again?’ He whispers, smoke moving between the two of you, your head turned to face him.
‘Because you became angry and shut out for some reason.’
“For some reason. For—For some fucking reason?!”Jason’s mind went haywire, he stared at you for the longest time.
‘Jesus, fuck, isn’t that a bit insensitive?’ He scoffed.
‘Fuck you mean insensitive? i was the one that never knew why you left for six months you, fuckhead!’ You coughed out some smoke, eyes getting water, the moon started to rise up high, as if wanting to highlight this gloomy scene.
The moon was bright, it went over the two of you perfectly, showcasing jason’s tight face, the way his eyebrows furrowed while yours remained relaxed, how reddened your eyes had gotten, how a soft tear rolled down your temple.
It was..
A confusing encounter.
It always was with you.
Why do you constantly act like you don’t know the family business? The one underground, where every villain and antihero is afraid of being involved in?
‘Do you seriously not know?’ He asked, sitting up and leaning over you.
The smoke wandered onto Jason’s chest, moving all over him as his eyes pierced yours.
And for..one, singular moment.
He looked..distraught?
‘Know what?’ You asked, not noticing how your voice was now a whisper, your eyes, so perfect and lightened by the moon stared at his dark, colder ones.
Jason’s mouth was slightly parted, his cigarette long forgotten somewhere in the grass, his eyes scanning, searching everywhere on your face.
This had to be a lie!
There was no way you didn’t know!
Please.
Let it be a lie.
Or else Jason can’t handle it.
‘___.’ He breathed your name out, eyes starting to glisten before he sharply turned away.
You sat up, confused.
‘Jason..?’
‘Fuck, it’s getting late, come home soon.’ He stood up and walked — speed walked — off to his motorcycle.
You stared in confusion, shock and a little disbelief as his bike roared off into the distance city.
‘..What the fuck?’
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Back home, you avoided everything and everyone.
Your mind was on Jason.
What the hell happened in those six months?
What didn’t you know about?
Why the hell was this even a thought in your mind?
You groaned and slammed your door, not noticing how Cassandra was staring at your door with feverish eyes.
She waited.
Because Cassandra is patient.
She won’t rush in.
She isn’t as aggressive as Jason, as friendly as Dick, as arrogant as Damian, as talkative as Stephanie—
The list goes on.
Cassandra was..quiet.
In a way that made her gaze known.
…
In your bathroom, you stared at yourself again, you can practically hear, see, feel everything.
It was the worst.
In the shower you scrubbed to feel something physical, something..like pain.
You just needed to feel something.
Anything.
After the shower your skin was raw and pinkish, you wore a thin, long sleeved shirt with pants as you walked into your room.
Staring around the messy room, where your bottles were under the bed, the bed all messed up, your decoration was definitely dusty by now.
Your gaze avoided one spot in particular.
The window.
You couldn’t get yourself to look at it, not after what you saw with Duke.
Were you scared?
Yes.
Yes, you were.
…
Opening the door, you nearly threw the vase outside at Cassandra.
‘What the fuck! Don’t do that!’ You raised your voice.
Cassandra was still quiet but pointed at herself than back to you and finally into the room.
[Can i come into the room with you?]
The unasked question remained in the air.
‘No.’ You replied and she paused.
She was studying your reaction.
Micro ones.
The way your hand holding the door, had opened the door slightly further, the way your feet moved back to create space, the way your gaze turned slightly to your room.
Everything suggested that you’d say yes.
So why didn’t you?
‘…Please?’ She asked.
‘No, i’m hungry, go away.’ With that, you closed the door and walked off to the kitchen.
Cassandra muttered something you couldn’t hear, not that you were even listening to her.
Cassandra turned and followed you to the kitchen.
Where you were making a Caesar salad.
‘I said go away.’ You repeated, annoyance clear in your voice.
‘No.’ She spoke with finality that remained you of your father, and you simply sighed and continued.
Cassandra kept her gaze locked on you.
Which move you made, she’d try to predict but constantly failed.
. . .
In all honesty, the answer to why she couldn’t read you was incredibly simple that it was stupid.
Each time she’d see you.
You were high off your mind.
Making decisions was the worst time, it’s where you hesitate, where you have to mutter what you need to do three times, where you grip something and forget what you needed to cut.
She couldn’t predict what you didn’t know what to do.
Put it in an equation.
Knowledge on prediction based on micro movements + Unsure/unclear of what the next step is = No predictions being made.
But Cassandra didn’t yet know this, she kept her dark, intense eyes at you, where you paused, where you turned, folded, cut, moved, swiped.
She saw it all.
But she also noticed a presence.
‘Making a salad after midnight is highly inadequate, it’ll cause abdominal pain during sleep.’ The voice rang out.
‘Damian.’ You muttered, almost disappointed as you turned to face him.
‘It is currently 2:12 am, you two should be in bed by now.’ He spoke once more, walking closer with the arrogance of a thousand men.
‘Bed my ass.’ You whispered under your breath and started to eat your finished salad.
‘I—‘
‘Shush..shh…’ You whispered softly, and continued to eat, your head was pounding.
God, The whole Jason thing was still bothering you, it was still in your mind and you didn’t know what to do besides find answers.
You were going to find the answers.
Seriously, remember this, ____.
Don’t blame it on the weed anymore.
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This is not proofread gng im sorry
Notes: UGHH BROTHERRR THIS WAS SUCH A PAIN IN THE BUTT TO DO.
Anyways, i’ve decided to give each family a private scene with reader only because i lowk think that yanderes need to be slightly complex in the sense that they need an actual reason to keep you and not just “you don’t understand” or “you need me” i still like those tropes but having complex relationships with the batfam is fun! I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS!!
Masterlist
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Taglist
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