OF GOODBYES, GRAVITIES, AND GROWTHS Let me pick these broken pieces and turn it into gold
iii. t h e e n d o f a n e r a i have been here before, and i remember how i loathed that specific feeling. i was in a bad place when that happened over a year ago; yet i fought for it and won. but this time it is inevitable, after five long years of having my day job, i am now closing this chapter of my life. again, it was not really a choice of mine because somehow, i have this doubt that asks me if i can get through without this work i consider my bread and butter, but perhaps fate has other plans and i just need to hold on to that faith that this is a redirection rather than another rejection. so as much as i still want to keep this safety net, i have to accept that it ends here, and instead of feeling the weight of another loss, surprisingly i have accepted it lightly and i was just truly grateful for those five years — for this job saved me on many counts, especially during the toughest times of the pandemic years ago. something about this year tells me that i have to let go of most things to make room for greater ones. that i have to focus now on what i really want to do in this life, even the ones that generate revenue. so yeah, march of 2020 to july of 2025, that was a good run, and now we’re closing this era. thank you for all the learning from all these past years.
ii. i n t o t h e m y s t i c i s l a n d perhaps this opportunity truly helped me to accept the difficult things much easier now, because i wasn’t in a bad place, and darkness wasn’t at my doorstep waving at me. perhaps i was saved by these magical gifts life and mother nature gave me, and that i was fortunate enough for all of these perfect timings. for a whole week, i was given a chance to stay and live in the island of sibuyan in romblon. it is because i was part of another cinemalaya film titled raging. the island offered me calmness, and mt. guiting-guiting graced us with her beauty and rage, all at once. the set at most times was muddled, and the weather was not peaceful either, but all storms were endured because of the locals who made us feel welcomed and secured while we were there. during the last day of my stay, heaven knows how i fell in love with how mystical this island actually is — i bathed in the rivers, bathed under the sun’s orange rays, and bathed myself with nature’s rich foliage that reminded me how certainly amazing our earth is. despite the chaos, everything felt like magic and i really want to be back someday.
i. r e t u r n t o f o r m sometimes i am seeing myself as a kid — back at my little cradle, old or new, where i can sleep peacefully, and wake up to mornings with so much love in my heart that i don’t know where or whom i can pour it to. then i see myself spending more and more time at home, the one i built, in the middle of this city that once betrayed me, and i am still here, still believing that simple days in this little room are the always the best days.
*** 35mm Kodak Gold 200 July, 2025