#prose ink

[kiramalibu]

i cried for my mother several

times this week

around five to be exact

nothing depresses me like her,

her entire existence makes me sad

and knowing i resemble her

used to make me feel bad

embracing our mutual features

now riddles me with guilt

they say high temperatures

cause flowers to wilt

and my mother never had the

opportunity to blossom

i’d be at war with me too,

if i was my daughter

her petals have always been under-watered

no wonder she tried to drown me

kira malibu

[kiramalibu]

it wouldn’t be a smart

idea to lick wounds

that are open,

but God knows that i’ll

try anything once if given

the opportunity

i think i love too hard, but

i don’t think i’ve ever been loved

enough by someone who pledged

to do so

i’m unsure if i’m deserving of it

but i really wish to be

confessional // kira malibu

[kiramalibu]

there’s pieces of me

littered all over this city

my car wasn’t truth worthy

enough to get me many destinations

but there’s certain streets

that carried my car to

the places i needed to be

i’m just as contradictory as the

city of Los Angeles, but please

know that i’m working on trying

to truly say what i mean

all while keeping my conscious clean

it’s hard for me do so, but i should

be somewhat proud

i never saw myself making it past eighteen

kira malibu

[kiramalibu]

[kiramalibu]

“I suppose what I am trying

to say is that my loneliness

overwhelms me in ways

I refuse to understand.

I find it so difficult to make space

for others, but I want to be loved

so badly it feels pathetic, you know?

I don’t think that anyone knows me, really.

I am fearful of the day that

someone may want to.”

A Voice Message Transcript Sent On An iPhone // Kira Malibu

[kiramalibu]

my hands have callouses so old

that i fear they will remain permanent

perhaps it’s the only part of

my body that is,

isn’t that ironic?

i didn’t even look twelve when i was

that age, who’s to say that twenty two

is the appropriate time to have this much rage?

how do i still live with the thoughts

that occupy me every day

is something that i’ll never have

enough words to answer

but here i am existing

even though i swear my heart has been missing

kira malibu

[kiramalibu]

she keeps mysteries in

her eyes like the world

pays her to do so

i wonder if she knows

just how much

she is owed

i don’t think i know

a woman who hasn’t

built something out of nothing,

and that kind of strength

should come with a warning

i tear myself apart in order to exist

and every past self of mine

keeps my mother mourning

i hope she doesn’t internalize it

as one of her short comings

i’m just trying to be

someone worth knowing

kira malibu

[kiramalibu]

and as the tears on

my face dry i know

that the moon is still going

to shine tonight

even if i cannot see her i know

she’s somewhere in the sky

i know there’s people who wait

all day just to fall asleep with her

i know she’s hearing the pleas of

humanity screamed from almost

every corner in the world

how unfair,

to bring others harm in a world

with which we share

all while looking up to the sky

to look for guidance from an entity

that we don’t even know is there

kira malibu