Somedays life feels like a blur. You are existing, in the moment, listening, talking, writing notes, planning, but your head is heavy yet feels light. There is not exactly some sort of a physical condition. But your head feels dizzy. Your existence feels dizzy. Your past, a life you held on dear to, slowly starts fading away. The future is a dark land. And the present? Well the present, as i said, is a blur. It's a drag. A robotic existential exercise that you are doing because you gotta do what you gotta do. But nothing makes your heart leap. You hold on to those shows and your favorite K-pop groups because you know they are the ones giving you the doses to go on. You write and write. You research about stuffs. You learn things about yourself. All of which makes you more sad. You get up everyday taking one day at a time. Trying to learn, cope, adapt and understand. You understand yourself way better. You understand the world a bit better too. You are trying to be more accepting. You are trying to regulate all that is dysfunctional in you. You are trying. Because you just don't give up. And even though you know and hope, that someday it will all make sense. But you can't stop from asking when? When will it happen? When will this drag end? When will the dizziness stop? When will you stand firm with a stable head? When will your heart start beating with passion? When will your existence make sense? When will this one wild precious life suddenly have a purpose? Just when?
Someday maybe. Till then, Tumblr is here. I am here. And i am sharing it all here to whoever is reading it. ✨🍃