TADC Backup AU Scribbles -- To Have and To Hold
Length: Long Type: Angst / Story / Fic / Comfort Warnings: blood, pain, my poor boy being tortured, god complex, comfort
Synopsis: This is based on @katzebruh's Backup Au. I'm back again doing another one because my brain decided the boy needed some loving after everything. A self indulgent fic of him finally understanding how affection feels. This is not proofread -- I wrote this right after waking up.
Touch.
Caine had never quite understood the appeal of that sensation. Why Gangle insisted holding onto someones arm whenever she walked beside someone. Why Ragatha always had a hand on someones shoulder or holding another. Why Jax enjoyed lounging on other people when the mood was more relaxed and he hadn't pissed everyone off that day. Or even why Kinger — in his few moments of sanity and comfort — rested his hand on someones back or let them lean on him for support. Like a father to a child.
Caine had assumed it was important in some regard and chose to file it away in his mind for later. Possibly an adventure that facilitates the need to hold one another? He wasn't sure but the data was saved away regardless.
And the data sat in his files for quite some time, growing with more information every time he observed the group. It seemed insignificant at the time. When creating adventures was his goal, to make the group as happy as can be.
Back when he was the god of this technological wonder of world. Back when he was important.
Back when he flew too close to the sun.
And my how his wings were burnt.
When Kinger had deleted him it hadn't gone as was planned. Or at least how was thought. Caine learned that Kinger didn't actually plan to kill Caine, only to lessen his ongoing reign of terror on the others. He feels bad about that now, he wishes he could tell them that.
Where Caine went was dark and empty and would be the last thing he saw that wasn't his bloody gums.
For Abel made an example out of Caine, since his use and purpose were pretty much over.
Abel bolted shut Caine's jaws with such a speed that Caine didn't have time to argue before he felt the digital metal bite into his being. He wanted to scream. But all that came was muffled sounds of agony as the cage around his head held tight, causing any movement to rip and to tear.
Chains were next. One around his throat, with his name in raised letters. Next were his arms, outstretched, the metal digging into his wrists so he could not move. Could not create if he even wanted to.
Abel used Caine as an example to the group. To show what would happen if they were disobedient. That Caine, even at his worst and most broken down, would seem like a merciful false god compared to what Abel would be like at his kindest. And Abel did not care for being kind.
Abel did allow it once. For when the group had begged for Caine to be released, for him to be allowed to be among them and to not be in pain, Abel allowed this request. Only partially.
Caine would be allowed to walk around and interact with the group. But his jaws would remain shut still. He could not have the faulty prototype walking around causing more destruction still. Abel had a world to rebuild and he wouldn't let the mess of code infect it again.
So Caine was dropped into the group's arms. And only did Caine realize why the group insisted on physical contact with one another so much. Even when they hated one another for what they had said. It was to show they cared when they couldn't say anything. It was to show that they weren't alone even in the worst moments of darkness.
Caine appreciated it first when they held him and brought him somewhere in the main stage area.
He appreciated it the most with the small moments after.
He appreciated the way Gangle held onto his arm to help steady him when the world felt to big. The way she would guide him into one of the nearby couches in the waiting area and hand him a pad of paper and pencil to draw. She had helped him figure out how to draw again. Even with the lack of sight. Her praise at his simple drawings filled him with more enjoyment than he had before. He wished he had done it more with her. She would've loved that scrapped paintings adventure he was drafting up.
He appreciated the way that Ragatha held his hand when walking around. The way that her and Pomni gave him a tour of the circus grounds, much calmer and sweeter than when he had done it for them. He wish he could tell them that. And how whenever he seemed to stumble or be uncertain where he was, Ragatha was there with a guiding hand to ensure his safety. The way Pomni would hold his hands and teach him signs. He already had some knowledge in his system in how to do that, but she seemed to enjoy being able to calmly talk with him now, to understand him a different way. He supposes they both would've enjoy the adventure to the gardens where the world is revealed the more you walk through it. He scrapped that adventure, figured it was to boring and that nobody wanted their hand held as they discovered a world. He realizes the appeal now.
He even appreciated those rare moments when Jax and Zooble just lounged with him. Where no words were spoken and no thoughts given. He supposed it made sense for Jax. Despite what Jax tried to convey, Caine knew of his frequent "naps". He didn't know how to help back then. He didn't understand that simply existing and being there was the best thing you could do when someone felt like simply going to sleep and hoping to not wake up. He wishes he could tell them both he's sorry for not simply letting them exist and feel that they were seen and understood.
And he forgot just how much he just appreciated Kinger. The one among the first. The last one of the original group that understood him. That truly knew him. That had looked upon him and his code back when he was small and barely there. The one that said he was proud of what he was. Back when Caine had no name. When his purpose was simply to exist. Caine never truly could convey how much Kinger meant to him. And he supposed with the way he had been acting those thirty some odd years, that Kinger might've thought that Caine barely cared for him.
But Kinger knew. He always seemed to know in his odd sort of way. And he showed it. With that simply hand on Caine's back as Caine leaned against him. And Caine truly did understand why those in the group leaned on Kinger so often when the world felt heavy. It was because Kinger simply let them know in the most quietest of ways that they were cared for. That they weren't alone in the dark.
He wished he had done this sooner. He wished he could apologize. But Kinger knew. He knew that odd way he does.
And so Caine realized the comfort in those small moments. In those acts of physical touch and love just why the group did it so often. Because in a world full of sounds, colors and overwhelming stimulation. That a gentle touch can just let you know you aren't alone. Because the worst thing you can do, is to have someone feel as though they aren't loved.
If you liked reading this, leave a like or a comment. If you use any of my work for a fic or anything just let me know! I love seeing what people think and what they might use it for.
TADC Backup AU Scribbles Masterlist
