seen from Italy
seen from Malaysia
seen from Yemen
seen from Netherlands
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Australia
seen from China
seen from Brazil
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from Dominican Republic
seen from Austria
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Croatia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
Title: Little Midnight Sun
Author: WoodlandSparrow
Length: Chaptered
Status: Complete
Rating: M
Genre: romance, angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au
Summary: When Baekhyun said he’d do anything he didn’t mean it literally. Selling his body was an option he had never considered, and one that takes him to a world that might be too much for him to handle.
[AFF]
Angel in the Darkness (M) pt.7
Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)
Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au
A/N:This is a dark and filthy story! Graphic descriptions of sex (masturbating, etc), heavy dom/sub undertones, drug use, vulgar language use……(alot of smut comes in later) This is a mature read! You have been warned!
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 (final chapter)
~~~~~
The air conditioning caused the dimly lit room to be abnormally cold, as Jin slightly shivered. He was sitting with his hands forming fists, while his father gave him a stern look.
He didn’t want to be here, that was for sure. He knew his father must have started to become suspicious of him, since it was taking an unusually long time for him to locate Jungkook and you. So when he got another message that his father wanted to see him – he couldn’t stop shaking.
What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t keep lying and give his father the same answer of ‘they are close.’ No, that definitely wouldn’t work this time, as he could tell with the look his father currently gave him.
“Son,” his father spoke with a grim voice. “How stupid do you think I am?”
Even though Jin was nervous, he managed to pull off his infamous poker face as he replied, “What ever do you mean?”
“Save your lies for someone else Jin,” the greying man mocked. “You may be able to fool others, but certainly not me. Now tell me where they are. Now.”
“Well obviously I was able to fool you for this long,” Jin laughed.
A mere second later, the old man’s fist connected with his jaw, sending his head to harshly swing to the side.
“Don’t try to act so smart with me boy. My patience is very thin for you,” his father seethed. “Now tell me, where are you keeping them?”
Jin’s face was still turned downwards as he questioned, “Are you accusing me of keeping them as some sort of hostage?”
“Perhaps, I’m not too sure. But I’m positive you have found at least one. I mean, I would understand why you would try to hide Jungkook from me, but the girl?”
Jin froze at the mention of you. Where exactly was his father going with this? With a hesitant look, he glanced up to face the man from where he was seated before he asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean I understood why you’d not want me to find your little brother, but then I thought it was odd as too why you’d hide the girl from me also,” his father said, with a sinister smirk. “But then it occurred to me…”
What is he trying to say… Jin mentally screamed to himself. His time was running out and he didn’t know what to even do. There would be no way to warn you or Jungkook – which made him terrified.
Seeing the look of fear finally flash across Jin’s eyes, made his father feel great satisfaction as he said his next words;
“If I recall correctly… I originally sent you to go kill her and her mother, all those years ago.”
~~~~~
“Why are you so adamant on watching something else? Are you that scared?” Jungkook joked, as he sat beside you on his couch.
You two had been sitting on the sofa for the past 10 minutes, trying to figure out a movie to watch. Naturally, Jungkook had turned down every single one of the suggestions you gave for no good reason. What was the point of even asking for your opinion if he was just going to say no anyways?
“I’m not scared, its just why did you even ask for my opinion if you were just gonna choose a movie yourself,” you sighed.
“Because I was trying to be a gentleman.”
“But you said no to every single movie I said!”
“Cause all the stuff you suggested was shit.”
“Of course, why did I even ask…” you huffed, but there was still a smile on your face as you tried your best not to laugh.
For some reason, spending time with Jungkook just always made you happy. You literally always found yourself smiling when you were with him. He was just so… special, and he was able to make you feel a certain way, that nobody else could.
Crossing your arms under your breasts, you defensively spoke, “But you even said no to Iron Man! How is that a bad option?”
Jungkook still had his eyes glued to his phone as he was searching for a good website to chromecast the movie to the TV. “Because I said so.”
You raised your eyebrows at his stubbornness. “Have you even watched it?”
“Nope.”
“So why don’t you give it a chance?”
“Because I like horror movies best, so shut it.” he said while side eyeing you. It looked like you were about to retort, but then he thought of something to make you stay quiet. “If you wanna use your mouth, I have a lot of other ways I think you could put it to good use.”
Your words died down in your throat as you saw the little smirk he held, at his lewd suggestion. He always found a way to make you hot and bothered, even though you never would admit it that you secretly liked it.
“Finally,” he exclaimed in triumph when he found a good website to stream. He then casted his screen to the TV, and the movie began playing.
You both were silently watching the opening credits in the dark, until the name of the movie showed up with piercing loud music. You jolted in surprise from the sound, and turned to look at Jungkook since he was laughing at you.
“What’s so funny?” you said with a small pout.
“The title screen scared you,” he snickered.
“I wasn’t scared, it was just so loud that I was caught of guard!” you defended, even though you were quite embarrassed that he saw you get scared.
“Ahh don’t worry, that was probably the scariest part of the whole movie,” he said reassuringly.
Wait, how would he know that? “Have you already seen this?”
He nodded his head at your question. “Yea like 3 times.”
“Jungkook!”
“Y/n!”
Why is he always like this… “Then why are you making me watch it, if you’ve already seen it?”
“I just felt like it, now can you shut up already? The movie already started,” he replied with a playful tone.
Not hearing your reply, Jungkook glanced over to you before he sighed, “Y/n, Insidious isn’t even scary. I promise.”
Seeing the comforting look on his face, caused you to smile. “Okay.”
~~~~~
I can’t take this… you thought mentally. You didn’t know if Jungkook lied to you to say this movie wasn’t scary at all, or if he genuinely thought it wasn’t scary – but you were for sure down right terrified.
Only about 40 minutes of the film passed, but you were seriously tempted to go turn the TV off. It wasn’t like it was extremely terrifying or anything, it was just the tension that built to the jump scares that really got to you, which you hated.
You were rooted to your spot on the couch, completely tense all over. The only source of light in the whole room was coming from the TV itself, so it made you feel even more stressed. Why did you have to watch this stupid movie in the dark?
You slowly glanced over to Jungkook who sat on your left, as he sat in a relaxed position with his eyes glued to the TV. He was slouched back, and had his right arm up on the top of the couch resting, but then you noticed you couldn’t see his left hand. Curious, you moved slightly forward to get a better view of him until you flushed bright red when you realized where he put his hand.
The reason why you couldn’t see it was because, he had his jeans unbuttoned with his left hand completely stuffed down his pants.
Oh my gosh why is his hand down his pants!?! You knew you should’ve looked away, but you couldn’t for some reason. It was like you were in a trance just staring at it. I wonder if he’s… wait, what? Get a hold of yourself Y/n!
Coming to your senses, you look up to Jungkook’s face, only to see that he was already staring at you. Oh shit! He totally saw me looking!
He raised his eyebrows as he questioned, “What are you so flustered about?”
“I… uhh, n-nothing…” you stuttered.
“Y/n.”
“Y-yea?”
“Come closer.”
“O-okay.”
Oddly enough, there was no hesitance as you complied to his request. Why had you agreed so quickly?
But even as you questioned yourself, you knew it was because you wanted to be closer to him. There was just something about this man that instantly kept drawing you closer. And as you saw the dark look on his face, when he looked at you scooting closer to him, you knew that you felt he had not so innocent motives as to why he was asking you this.
Your thighs were now touching with his and he chose to wrap his right arm around your waist, pulling you closer into him. Your torso was practically on him now, with your back partially against his chest. The position wasn’t uncomfortable per say, but the fact that you could practically see his hand down his crotch as it was right in front of you, caused you to blush.
Why wasn’t he moving his hand? You tried your best not to look at it, but it was just so… alluring? The sight made you feel hot all over, as you felt blood rush to your core. But what made your eyes widen was when you saw that there was movement underneath his jeans, as if he was rubbing something, leading your mind to think of sinful things for the first time.
Oh dear lord, I can’t be having these kind of thoughts!
Jungkook on the other hand, was struggling to keep his dick from straining. It was already so damn tempting to just shove you to towards the wall and kiss you when you first entered – but he knew he couldn’t do that. He needed to control himself, no matter how hard it was. Just looking at you sit on the couch with your shorts riding up, was driving him mad which made his cock get hard. It was the worst timing ever, but he really couldn’t help it. You were just… something else. No one had ever made him go this wild in all his life, and it was worrying. He wanted you so badly, yet couldn’t have you.
But as he was clutching his dick underneath his pants to add some relief, he could clearly notice your vision on it.
Why is she making this so damn hard? I should have thrown a blanket over her legs… fucking hell…
He gripped your waist a little tighter, which caused you to squeak.
He could literally feel your nerves as he held you tight. Your legs were closed shut, as you rubbed your thighs together.
Why did it feel so hot in this room all of a sudden?
Jungkook closed his eyes in irritation – he wanted you so badly. And he couldn’t stop himself from sliding his hand on your waist lower towards your ass.
Your breath hitched as his hand slid down to your bottom. What was he doing? He’s never done this before, but you didn’t mind it…
That is until you feel him grab the end of shorts and push them farther up your thighs, till practically your butt cheek and underwear were exposed.
“Why do you do this to me Y/n?” he whispered as if he were in pain.
You were so happy it was dark since your face was bright red. “Do what?”
“You make me wanna take you in so many ways,” he said in a strained voice as he grabbed a nice handful of your ass. He squeezed it harshly as he whispered in your ear, “You’re so… I’ve never felt this way with anyone before.”
What? Was he telling the truth? Was he having the same weird feelings as you were? He… wanted you? Unlike his usual playful and teasing voice, this time it sounded as if he were dead serious.
“J-Jungkook…” you trailed off nervously. You honestly didn’t know what to say and as he continued to grope your ass, you felt butterflies in your stomach and your core throb. You knew you probably should’ve stopped him before it escalated too far, but you couldn’t. Because even if you didn’t want to admit it – you wanted him to continue.
Why isn’t she stopping me? I need her to stop me before I can’t control myself…
If there was another jump scare in the movie, you didn’t notice it, as Jungkook sat up hastily to roll over on top of you. He pushed your back down onto the couch and sat up on his knees as he straddled you by your hips.
You shyly looked up into Jungkook’s lusty gaze, waiting for him to say something.
He leant down until his face was near your jaw, then kissed and sucked it lightly. You gasped out at the unusual feeling as his lips trailed along your jawline.
He stopped his actions abruptly, before he muttered, “Y/n, please stop me.”
“W-why?” you asked nervously, as he lifted his head to look at you in the eyes.
“I won’t be able to stop if I continue,” he mumbled.
The hooded look in his eyes was enough for you to make your decision on what you wanted as you whispered…
“But I don’t want you to stop.”
@mochijamz has a really good prostitution!jungkook fic called Angel in the Darkness
thank you!
Tie Me Down
epistolic 4,126 ▼✿
“You’re down on your knees sucking my cock like a good little slut and you want me to call you hyung?”
“Pretty much,” Yoongi says.
✧･ﾟ:* link *:･ﾟ✧
Scars For A Dollar - Chapter Twenty-Two
Life is made up of a series of choices. The problem is, sometimes the choices that impact your life the most are not your own.
It is the choices of others tat have led me to where I am now, selling my body in a brothel. All was horrible, yet bearable. Everyday was painfully similar to the ones before. Until, one day, a choice I made in the past returns. And all I believed to be real or true or normal is flipped upside down.
Chapter Twenty-Two
This may just be my personal opinion, but starting a day off with your boyfriend’s tongue in your ass, is probably one of the best ways to start the day.
After discovering how responsive I can be when my ass is played with, Harry’s taken to showing off his rimming skills whenever we have the time.
And now, the day after getting back from a week with Harry’s family and our friends, we miraculously have the same day off. That gives Harry plenty of time to draw this out and make this so fucking good.
After asking if I wanted to do this, the way he always does whenever we do anything sexual, he stripped us both of our trackies and flipped me over, on my knees and leaning forward on my elbows. He spread my cheeks apart, each fitting perfectly in his hands like they were made for him to hold. He licked one big, fat strip over my hole, already making me let out a little whimper.
He teased me, lightly sucking and nibbling at and licking at my rim, drawing out the experience just the way I like it. The second he presses his tongue into me, I can’t help but let out a long, deep moan. If a man can smirk while he’s got his tongue inside another person, Harry sure as hell is as he fucks me with his tongue.
He alternates between fucking it in and out as deep as he can, and then pulling out all the way to pay attention to the rim once more. Pushing me closer and closer to cumming with every flick of his tongue and squeeze of his hands.
“F-fuck, Harry. Don’t w-wanna cum like this. Wanna...fuck me.”
For the first time since he started, he pulled back completely. “What?”
Still feeling more than overwhelmed from his tongue, I whined again and pushed me ass back at him. I want this so bad. Been thinking about it for weeks, but right now, I really need it. “Fuck me, please.”
I turned my head to look at him, and he looks so shocked, but definitely excited about the idea. “Fuck, you sure? Do you want to top?”
“No,” I shook my head. “Fuck me. Wanna feel full.”
“Okay. Yeah, okay. Just...need stuff.”
He rushed to the bedside table and rummaged through it as I rolled over onto my back. He’d tossed the nearly empty bottle of lube on the bed beside me, but it took him a moment to find any condoms. “You do have some, right?” I asked teasingly, getting a little impatient for him to get back to touching me.
“Yeah, got some somewhere in here. It’s been awhile, you know?”
Of course, I do know. Harry hasn’t had full on sex since the first time we did, all those months ago. But, really, we’re hardly counting that. And before that, I know that he hadn’t done anything in the four months that we had been dating before that. Makes sense that they would be buried under other things, especially since he hadn’t been expecting to need anything for awhile.
Finally, triumphantly, he held one up. “Knew I had one somewhere.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a dork.”
“Yeah, but I’m your dork.”
I couldn’t help the fond smile on my face. “Yeah, you are. But you’re definitely gonna have to buy more before next time.”
“I know. I’ll take care of that later. But right now,” He got in between my legs, and he leant down and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “Let me take care of you. How do you want to be?”
“On my back, like this” I said with certainty.
“You sure? Cause, I know you’ve said before that you prefer riding.”
“This is another ‘only with you’ kind of things, okay? I don’t need to be in control with you. I trust you.”
“Okay.” He kissed me again, lingering this time. “Then let’s get your pretty ass ready for me, yeah?”
I let out a soft whimper as he took control of the situation. He spread my legs out further than they already had been, giving him better access to my body. He lubed up his fingers (using too much as always, which is probably why we go through so much) and brought them down between my legs.
He circled my hole with two fingers, teasing me, as he kissed me deeply. He pressed one in, even slower than I needed him to. Keeping the first finger still inside me, and then beginning to pump it in and out agonizingly slow. Despite the fact that I was already a bit stretched out just from his tongue, he still took his time with the second. And then the third.
For the first time, he isn’t doing this to make me cum as hard as he can. That will come later. So, for now, he mostly avoids my prostate. Occasionally, he crooks his fingers just so, barely brushing over it. But it was enough that by the time he pulled his fingers out, I was a moaning mess, clutching the sheets in tight fists.
Still mostly on top of me, he moaned “Fuck, Lou. So pretty.” Suddenly looking much less turned on (aside from his dick) and much more concerned, he asked “But, are you, uh, are you sure you’re ready for this? Cause, we don’t have to do this. You know that, right? We could definitely just get dressed and go have breakfast and…”
“Harry!” I grabbed his arm, distracting him from his speech. I am way to desperate for this to listen to his concern, as sweet as it is. “If you don’t get in me right now, I’m gonna fucking leave.”
He chuckled slightly, maybe looking a little more nervous than he should be. “Sorry, I just...I want to be sure that you’re not just doing this because of me.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I mean, I sort of am doing this for you, because I want to make you feel really good. But this time isn’t like last time, okay? Do you trust me?” He nodded. “Then trust that I know myself well enough to know that I want this, and I’m ready for this. Are you ready? Because it’s the same for you, we won’t do this if you don’t want to.”
“I want this. Fuck, Louis, I want this so bad. And if you’re ready, then I am too.”
“Good.” I leant up the short distance and kissed him softly. “Then get your cock in me.”
He burst out laughing, and I couldn’t help but join him for a few seconds. “Way to ruin the moment, Lou. But if that’s what you want, then you’ve got it.”
He ripped open the little foil packet that had been formerly beside me, and rolled it on his cock, pumping it a couple times. Then he grabbed the little bottle and lubed up his cock.
He lined himself up and with agonizingly slow, practically minuscule, thrusts he entered me. While I got used to the feeling, he kissed me deeply, and I wasn't sure which connection felt more intimate.
Harry didn't need for me to verbally tell him when I was ready for him to move, he listened to my body. Waiting until my body relaxed around him completely and I had started to press back against him. Only then, when he pulled out a little, did he break our kiss. But, that was probably for the better. Because when he thrust back in, immediately finding my spot, my mouth opened practically involuntarily to release a drawn out moan.
He started out slow, fairly short thrusts in and out, hitting my spot every single time. But then he sped up, the sound of skin hitting skin in the most delicious way resonating throughout the room. “F-fuck Lou, so good.”
I couldn't even form words to respond, my brain becoming a muddled mess of HarryHarryMoreHarryFuckHarryHarryHarry with no room to remember how to form words. All I could do is whimper and moan and arch my back and try and thrust my ass back to meet him.
When his thrusts started to become messier and his moans got louder, I knew that he was getting close. But he kept going, jabbing my prostate over and over until I was cumming all over my shout with a shout of his name.
He kept going, working my through my orgasm while he chased his, until he buried himself deep inside of me and came with nothing but my name on his lips.
He all but collapsed on top of me, still inside of me, the both of us breathless and boneless. “You good?” He asked between pants.
“Mhm. So good. You?”
“So much better than I imagined.”
“So you imagined this?” I teased.
“Shut up.” He said with a role of his eyes. He pulled out of me, making the both of us wince. He tossed the condom (hopefully) into the bin and collapsed beside me once more. “We should get up, we’re both covered in your cum.”
“That’s not my fault, I didn’t make you lie on top of me. No way I'm standing right now. Thank god we don't have to go anywhere today, I'm definitely gonna be limping.”
“Well,” he chuckled “You can't complain about that, either. This was your idea.”
“I know.” I said, relenting. The cum is actually starting to get a little uncomfortable now, so despite the fact that my legs are jelly, we actually do need a shower. “Come on, let's go.”
He stood first, and gave me a hand up. I was right, I'm already limping a little. He giggled as soon as I started to walk, so naturally I lightly swatted at his ass to shut him up.
The shower was just as good as the sex, though no dicks were involved. He kissed under the water, taking turns washing each other's hair. We didn't talk, for words didn't feel necessary.
We were reluctant to get out. But even at the hottest temperature setting, the water was starting to get cold. Without a choice, we stepped out and towelled each other off. Back in our room, we dressed in Harry’s comfiest clothes. We could have gotten back in bed, but the room still smelled like sex so we opted for the couch instead.
We turned on some baking competition and curled up together. Whist watching a lady start to freak out over how to incorporate the surprise ingredient into her tarts, Harry said to me “You know, you’ve never actually talked about what you figured out about yourself.”
I looked up to him from his lap, where I had lain my head. “Yeah? You want me to talk about it?”
He nodded “Of course. I want to know everything about you. If you want to tell me, that is.”
“Alright.” I thought for a moment. This wasn't something I'd thought I'd do. I never thought that I would share the details that went through my mind during those months. But if I'm going to share them with anyone, Harry is the best person for the job.
“Well, I learned that I need a degree of independence, but I also like having people there that I can depend on. I learned that I don't deal with stress well, but I'm getting better with that. I learned that I really like going out with the right people, and that I love live music. I learned that I'm better at socializing and making friends than I thought I would be.”
I sat up, to look him in the eyes, seeing a sweet smile on his face.“I want to teach, preferably younger kids. And that I definitely want to adopt at least one kid of my own, but not until I have a stable job. I hate my last name, and so I decided that I will take my husband’s last name, if I get married. And…”
If I'm going to say this, this feels like the best possible time. “This is a more recent development, but I realized that I am honestly and truly in love with you.”
He was stunned. But, within a second, that small, sweet smile, grew bigger and bigger. He surged forward and kissed me, though it was really more is smiling against each other’s lips.
When we separated, he was still smiling, and I saw pure adoration in his eyes. “I love you too, Louis. With all of my heart, I truly love you.”
We were meant to be. At least, that is what I have come to believe. Coming together as kids, growing alongside each other. And then I was ripped away from him and from our best friends. But with the help of these friends, we came together again half a decade later. Found each other in a city of millions, completely by chance.
The both of us have grown and changed so much over these past few months, both as individuals and together. Both of us have been through pain and suffering and heartbreak, but it has only cemented our places together.
I have scars. Scars that strangers paid to place upon my skin. But these scars have not destroyed me. Like my scars. I will continue to heal. I will never forget. I can't possibly, with the memories engraved on my body and in my mind. But I will move on. And I will continue to grow. And I will flourish.
With Harry at my side, with my childhood friends both back in the town that used to call home, and with my new friends just a few miles away, I will continue to live the life I was meant to live and become the person that I was always meant to be.
Scars or no scars, I will live.
Scars For A Dollar - Chapter Twenty-One
Life is made up of a series of choices. The problem is, sometimes the choices that impact your life the most are not your own.
It is the choices of others tat have led me to where I am now, selling my body in a brothel. All was horrible, yet bearable. Everyday was painfully similar to the ones before. Until, one day, a choice I made in the past returns. And all I believed to be real or true or normal is flipped upside down.
Chapter Twenty-One
It was about two weeks since everyone else had returned to their homes, leaving Harry and I alone together, when something happened. Nothing dangerous or panic attack inducing, but something that was a little upsetting to me.
Harry and I have been sharing a bed each night, which I loved. I slept better when there was someone else with me, especially when that person was Harry. I liked being surrounded with his scent and warmth and body.
This night was a little different. We had come home from a film and had gone to bed together, cuddling close under the covers. We both slept peacefully. For awhile. But then, I woke up.
I woke up to the feeling of something prodding against my ass. In my sleepy fog, it took me a few seconds to realize exactly what was happening. We had been spooning, me as the little spoon, so I couldn’t see Harry’s face. But it was safe to assume that he was asleep. There was no way that Harry would be rutting against me, his covered cock nudging against my clothed crack, if he had been awake.
I certainly wasn’t okay with him doing this to me while I was asleep, unable to consent, even if he was also asleep. I was quick to reach around and whack him upside the head, waking him instantly. “Wha’s it?” Harry was quick to realize what he had been doing in his sleep, springing away from me, nearly falling off the bed in the process. “Shit, Lou. M’sorry. I didn’t mean to...I’m really sorry. I’m just going to, um, have a shower.”
He bolted from the bed, not even taking the time to shut the door behind him. Within seconds, Louis could hear the water of the shower running.
The thing is...it wasn’t that bad? Had I been awake, I might not have minded it. Sure, with my record, I would have liked to have a conversation about this sort of thing first. If we had talked about it, it could have been fine. Honestly, I might have wanted...more. Maybe. I don’t know, really. But I wouldn’t mind giving it a try. Maybe. Possibly. For sure.
Harry returned ten or so minutes later, hair damp and looking quite embarrassed. I don’t know whether or not he had a cold shower or if he just wanked really fast, but either gets the job done. “Are...are you still okay in the same bed.”
I nodded, of course. And I pulled back the covers a little more to show that he really was welcome. Well, obviously he’s welcome. This is his bed. We’re both welcome, I guess.
We didn’t return to our previous position. Though arm arms and torsos are close as ever, there is a gap of at least a foot between our lower bodies. It can’t be comfortable for Harry, with the angle he’s laying at. “M’really sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to…”
“I know.” I said softly, cutting off his apology. I knew he was sorry. We’ve done a lot of talking the past few weeks, and our understanding of each other has grown immensely. He knows exactly why what happened bothered me. With the way things have been going and with how much I understand Harry, I know that he didn’t do it on purpose. He was asleep, and you can’t control your behavior in your sleep. Especially when you’re a teenage boy with a sex drive. “It’s okay, Harry. M’not mad. Let’s get back to sleep, yeah? Talk about it tomorrow.”
Even if I’m not very bothered, we still need a chat. But three in the morning doesn’t feel like a good time for that.
When we awoke, there really wasn’t time to talk. Harry had gotten himself a full time job for the summer and I still worked, so we both had to get to our morning shifts quickly after we woke up.
Work was fine. I was a little anxious about the upcoming conversation, but that is easily forgotten at work. They were right, the warmer months are definitely busier. Much less time to goof around, that time instead being spent constantly serving customers and cleaning up their messes. There was a bit of time to chat in between customers, but not enough for any proper conversations. So it was just the usual Luke, who I was working with that day, asking me about my date the night before and me asking about their most recent gig or practice. Nothing exciting or out of the ordinary for us to talk about in the two minutes between customers.
Since our shifts end at different times and the others are back at their homes, I’ve gone back to walking home from work. So after hugging Luke (and Ashton and Calum, once they arrived to take over) goodbye, I left.
Harry and I have had a bit of a deal since the others left. Since I am still completely hopeless in the kitchen, Harry cooks and I do the shopping. Which works well for me, considering that Harry and I have slightly different opinions on necessary purchases. In the past couple months, I’ve been altering my diet slightly. Mostly just a few more sugary cereals than Harry thinks I should get. I still buy all the things he wants, but this way I get what I want too.
I stopped at the shop on the way home, picking up the list we had put together the afternoon before. It didn’t take all that long to find everything, I’ve been in here enough to know where all of our usual purchases are.
The problem wasn’t the shopping, it was what happened as I was on my way home. I’ve dealt with this before, sort of. But not by myself. I’ve never been alone to deal with this before. A client spotting me in public.
This one had been pretty terrible. One of the ones who was bad enough that I had wanted to ban him, but caused just too little damage for me to be able to do so. Made it almost impossible for me to function after the session. And now, like has happened too many times before, this man has found me.
It kind of makes me wonder, what population of London men have I actually slept with? Because I feel like it’s at least two percent.
The man is one of the more intimidating looking ones, much taller than me and with massive muscles. He could easily take me down, which is why it is even more terrifying that I am alone.
“Hey, five. Where’ve you been?”
“Leave me alone,” I said with determination, trying to screw my face so that I didn’t look quite so intimidated.
When we’d have sessions before, he would start out almost polite. In the first ten minutes of the first session, I almost thought that he was sweet, despite how intimidating he appeared. Then he’d just get right into it. Which is exactly why I am not letting my guard down with how casually he is speaking to me.
“They shut down your place, yeah? Where’re you working now?”
“No where. Leave me alone.” I looked around at the people who passed us by. Of course, none of them were paying attention. None of them noticed how clearly uncomfortable I must look. Of course, even if they did notice, I doubt that anyone would step in.
“Come on, come back to my place. We can have some fun there.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reaching for my arm. Just as his fingertip brushed my skin, I pulled away. Suddenly, it was like my veins were filling with fire. All of my hatred for those who caused me pain, for the first time, was completely forced out of me. “Stop it! I’m not your fucking play thing! You can’t just go up to boys on the street and ask them for sex! Not even if it’s happened before! I am not in that business anymore, and you have no right to touch me! So keep your filthy fucking hands off of me and leave me alone!”
And I ran. And I ran and I ran, constantly checking behind me to make sure that no one was following, until I was locked tight inside my home.
They have no right to do that. Unless I am actively offering, strangers should never assume. I am out of that house, and therefore I am not in business. Things would be much easier if these people would just leave me alone and found someone else who actually enjoy the same things that they do.
Harry came home about an hour later, finding half of the groceries (the ones that don’t need to be in the fridge or freezer) still unpacked, and me on the couch, staring gloomily at some sitcom. “Are you alright, babe.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Just a bad day.”
He was immediately at my side, though not touching me. Wary as always of setting anything off. “What happened? Bad day at work?”
I shook my head. “Nah, work was fine. It was after. A, um, a client spotted me.”
He froze, his own fear brewing in himself for me. “Were you alone?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.” I could tell that he was starting to get panicked, though he was hiding it as well as he always does. At least he was staying calm, not getting angry with anyone, at least not visibly. “Are you okay? Did he touch you? Or…”
“He didn’t touch me. Didn’t let him.”
“Good. Good. That’s...okay. Did you, um, have an attack?”
It hit me. No. No, I didn’t. I got through it by myself, and I didn’t have an attack. “No. I was scared at first, but I was more angry, you know? Yelled at him and ran. Think he was too stunned to think of following me.”
“Wow.” He took his own moment to think, and then he smiled. “M’really proud of you, Lou. You got through that by yourself”
Despite the fact that I had handled it, I wish I hadn’t had to. I wish someone else could have been there. Someone to keep me safe and grounded. Someone like, or specifically, Harry. “Still wish you were there.”
“Yeah, me too. Wish I could always be there to stop people from hurting or scaring you. But I wasn’t, and you still managed. Got yourself out of a dangerous situation unscathed. You should be proud of yourself. You know that you couldn’t have done that a few months ago.”
I really couldn’t have. In fact, I hadn’t. But today, I got through it. I probably wouldn’t have gotten out so well with different clients. But today, I was okay. Better than okay, I was amazing. I know that in the future, this will happen again. At least for another few years, until I look a little different. But if I can deal with them like I did today, I’ll be just fine.
“We should celebrate. What do you want for dinner? I’ll make you whatever you want. I’ll chill some wine.”
He stood, probably to get right to it, but I placed a hand on his arm to stop him. I’d been distracted all day, but now that we’re here together, there’s something that we need to do. “Actually, um, can we talk first? About last night.”
In an instant, his moderately good mood was gone as he remembered the night before. “Right, um, yeah. We should.” He sat back down, keeping a little distance between us. “I’m really sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to do that to you. You know that I would never purposefully take advantage of you like that. You’ve got to know that I would never do anything deliberately to hurt you.”
“I know, Harry.” I scooted a little closer to him. “I’m not mad, honestly. It does bother me that that was done to me when I was asleep. But, you were asleep too. I know that you’ve got to be a bit sexually frustrated, so I get why it happened. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Thank you, Lou. You’re sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just as long as you know why it bothered me.”
“Yeah, I know. Never anything while you’re asleep, or otherwise unable to consent. So, um, we’re okay?” He asked, looking hopeful.
“Of course. But that’s not all I wanted to talk to you about.”
He deflated, just slightly, worry returning to his face. “Oh. What do you want to talk about?”
“It’s nothing bad. Actually, it could be a good thing.” I paused, waiting for him to ask, but he didn’t so I continued. “Well, um, while I didn’t like the way that things happened last night, I sort of, um, I didn’t mind the feel of it. Honestly, it felt kind of good. And, um, I wouldn’t mind starting to try things with you.” He looked...stunned, for the lack of a better view. Completely frozen in shock. “Well, um, I was sort of hoping for a better reaction than this.”
That unfroze him quickly, bringing him back to the moment. “Are...are you sure? Because I wasn’t expecting this, like, ever. Especially not so soon.”
I nodded, a little shy all of a sudden. “I’m sure. You know that I wouldn’t suggest this if I wasn’t ready. But, all the same, we’re going to go at my pace.”
“Yeah, I know that. I promise that I’ll always listen, okay? I’ll always listen to what you do and don’t want.”
“Same goes for me, I promise that too.”
“Good. So, um, how do you want to go about this?”
I shrugged. “Dunno. My plan only really went up to me telling you.”
“Okay.” He just sat, thinking for a moment, until it looked like he had an idea. “Can I give you a blowjob?”
I was too surprised to answer right away, by him offering so blatantly. But, I guess that we were literally just having a conversation that was straight up about sex. Really, it was a pretty natural place to take this. “Y-yeah.”
He smirked, then kissed me. Lightly at first, but as mouth opened and tongues moved together and lips were bitten, it heated up until I was starting to get hard in my pants, just from kissing. He pulled away, only to reattach his lips to my neck. Not biting, just kissing, licking, and lightly sucking. Not enough to leave a permanent mark, but my skin is probably getting red in the places he lingered.
And, fuck. I’d never liked this sort of thing before. But with Harry, I’m quickly turning into a whimpering, moaning mess. Slowly, he started dragging his hand up from where it had been resting on my thigh until it was hovering over my cock, fingers just lightly brushing over the fabric of my jeans. “Anyone ever suck your dick before Lou?”
He pressed his fingers down just slightly, making me whine. “C-couple times. Not for y-years.”
“Yeah? You want me to take care of you? Make you feel good?” I nodded dumbly. “You sure?” He asked, voice still all gravely and sexy, but slightly concerned. “We can stop if you want.”
I shook my head rapidly. “No, please. Want it.”
“Okay.” He popped the button and undid the zipper of my jeans. “Lift your bum. Need these off.” I did as he asked, and he got my jeans and pants off in one go. Harry slid off of the couch and got on his knees in front of me. He licked his hand and wrapped it around my cock, his spit acting as a lube to make the glide smoother. His hand is so big, it practically engulfs it. And fuck, if that wasn’t a sight.
He pumped my cock a few times and then leant forward, letting out a couple cool breaths out onto my cock and pressed a kiss to the tip. “Tell me to stop, okay? If you want to stop, you can tell me.”
Without hesitation, he wrapped his lips around my cock. He bobbed his head, coming back up to suck and lick at the tip. Fuck, this is so much better than anything I can remember. At that second, I was sure that nothing has ever felt so good.
All it took was for Harry to take me a little deeper down his throat, and I knew that I was close. “Fuck, Harry. M’gonna...gonna cum.”
He pulled off just slightly and, fuck, he moaned. And that was it for me. Just the vibrations his moan sent up my cock. I came, harder than I can ever remember cumming before.
He swallowed all of it, sucking me dry until I was far too sensitive.
He pulled off with a pop, and he kissed me. Just tenderly, our mouths never even opened. The kiss felt almost like a thank you, I guess. For what, I’m not really sure. For letting him in, maybe? Or for giving this a try? Something along those lines.
I redressed myself, with a little help from Harry since I’ve practically turned to jelly. “You good?”
“Yeah, m’good.” I kissed him again, just as softly as he had kissed me seconds before. “Want me to do you too?”
He shook his head. “Nah, I think this is enough for now. You look so good like that, you know. Coming undone, just for me.”
I snorted, shoving him playfully. “Shut up.”
And he just laughed. “Come on, I’ve got cooking to do and you need to finish putting away the groceries. He stood and gave me and hand doing the same. “And, Louis?”
“Yeah?”
“You should be really proud of yourself, for coming this far. I’m so proud of you.”
After that we just...continued with our day. Like he said, I put away the groceries and he cooked. We ate in front of the tv, watching a Harry Potter Movie. And then another one. And before we knew it, we had both fallen asleep on the couch, draped across each other.
A few days later, I came home from work to find Harry sitting at the kitchen table, a notebook and pen in front of him. “What’s up, babe?”
He looked to me, expression reading hopeful. “Well, I was thinking that we need to have a talk.”
Damn, thought we’d just had our last important talk for at least a few weeks. Guess not. Though, I can’t think of anything at the moment that requires a proper ‘talk.’ “What about?” I asked as I sat down beside him.
“Basically, sex.” And again, we literally just talked about that. And have been exchanging blowjobs daily since. “I think we need to talk about, like, or preferences. Our likes and dislikes. Things we want and need. I think that we just need to clarify where we both stand if we’re going to keep trying things.”
That’s actually...really smart. Establishing certain things before we go any further. “Oh. Um, okay. That’s probably a good idea.”
“I thought so,” he said with a small smile. “So, um, can you give me, like a guideline on things that are an absolute no for you?”
For a moment, I thought. Compiling a list in my head. “Anything that causes pain. Like, spanking or hitting me with anything like whips or belts. And when we have sex, I need lube and to be, um properly prepped. Also, nothing bigger than your dick in me, that would hurt too much for me to deal with, too.”
He nodded, writing that down. “Good. That pretty much goes with what I don’t like. Being done to me, or doing to you. Anything else?”
“Can’t have anyone else involved. No threesomes or orgies, ever.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“I don’t want to be gagged. I need to be able to talk to you, if I need to. Also, no choking. And, um, there are some names I don’t like.”
He stopped writing and looked back at me. “Yeah? Can you tell me what they are?”
I blushed. “Just, um, slut and whore. I hate being called those. Just mean names like that. And, um, also princess?”
He looked a little confused at the word that didn’t fit with the others. “Princess?”
I winced, just at hearing him say it. “It was what he said to me. After he kissed me and left me there, he called me that.”
“Okay.” He nodded, understanding. “You don’t have to explain it, really you don’t. But thanks for telling me that. Is there anything else you’re really against?” I shook my head. “Okay. We can add things later, if you think of anything else. Now, what names do you like?”
“Just my name. And, like, sweet names.”
“Like baby and love and good boy?”
I nodded. “Yeah, exactly like that.”
“Okay. I’m pretty much the same. No dirty names for us, just sweet ones.”
“Yeah. And, um, for other sex things, I’m going to be pretty vanilla.”
“Okay. Vanilla is just fine with me.”
“But, um, there are some things I might like.”
He put down his pen. “Yeah? Want to tell me about them?”
“Well, um, I thought that I didn’t like hickies. But when you were doing them really light the other day, I really liked how it felt. Kind of like the idea of having your marks on me.”
“Okay. We can try that. Maybe start with places you can cover up easily at first, though. Just in case you decide that you’re actually not into marking. Anything else?”
“This is, um, just an idea. Not sure it would actually work out.”
“It’s okay. Just because you tell me, though, it doesn’t mean that we have to actually try it. It can just be something to keep in mind.”
“Well, um, I could like bondage, I think. Not, like, hardcore. Only hands, not legs. And it would have to be with something soft, no rope or handcuffs. A scarf or something instead. And also, I might like being blindfolded. But not at the same time. Only one thing can be done at a time. I think that either of those could feel good with you, because I trust you to take care of me. But if we do more than one thing at once, then I might not feel safe.”
“Are you sure?” He asked, completely sincere. “Just because other people did that with you, doesn’t mean that you have to do that with me. I’d be more than happy with trading blowjobs and nothing else.”
I nodded. “I’m glad to hear you say that. And I know that you mean it. But I think that, with you, it could feel good. Not for awhile, but in the future at some point. But, um, only if you wanted that too.”
“Well, for me, my biggest thing is just taking care of the person I’m with. Seeing and hearing how good I make them feel. That’s what really turns me on. I wouldn’t be into something if it hurts you or makes you feel poorly, but other than that I’m up for anything.”
“Then I guess we’re a pretty good match.”
“Yeah, guess we are.” He half smiled, half smirked. “So, is there anything else?”
“Nah, not that I can think of. But we can always add to the list in the future.”
“Course. But since you’ve mentioned, like, bondage, then there’s some other stuff we should talk about. Do you have a safeword?”
“A what?”
A have a...very vague idea of what that means. But I don’t actually know. It’s not something I’ve educated myself on, or previously had the resources to look into. “Well, it’s a precaution. If we’re doing something sexual and you decide that you want or need to stop, you say the word and we stop right away.”
“Okay. I, um, I don’t know.”
“We can use the traffic light system, then. I think that would work best for us. Green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. Does that work for you?” I nodded. “Now, what about aftercare?”
Yet another word that I don’t understand. You’d think that I would know this, considering that I worked in the sex industry for more than a quarter of my life. “What, um, I don’t know what that means, either.”
For a second, he looked almost sad. Sad for me about what used to happen, probably. But in the blink of an eye, the sadness was gone. “It’s what happens after sex. Particularly if you’re doing something that isn’t vanilla. It’s, like, cleaning up and relaxing, pretty much. Like, if we do bondage and you end up with, I don’t know, a raw spot from the scarf or whatever we use, making sure that it’s taken care of. And, I don’t know, a shower. Maybe a movie and cuddles. That sort of stuff.”
That actually...it makes a lot of sense. I know that I would of loved that after some of my rougher encounters in the past. It definitely would have helped me deal with things. Instead, I barely had time to take care of myself. But since I couldn’t have it then, I think that it would really help now. Honestly, it might make me, personally, more willing to try things. “Any of those things sound good to me, actually. Just as long as it’s, um, some quiet time together.”
“Okay. That works for me. Well, that’s...that’s pretty much all I can think of. You good?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just...you know that sex isn’t going to be an everyday thing, right? I have bad days, and on those days, we won’t be doing anything sexual.”
He nodded. A small, maybe a little sad smile, on his face. “I know. And m’not going to pressure you into anything, ever. Sex is going to be a small part of our relationship. It will be something that we do to make each other feel good, but it won’t be the only thing. Or the most important thing, for that matter. And that work perfectly for me, just as long as we’re both happy.”
Of course, as he always does, he said just what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that he understands me, and won’t try and change me.
“So, do you, um, want to try something?” I asked, a little hesitant.
He nodded, smirking. “Yeah. Something new?” I nodded. “Can I finger you, babe?”
I basically choked on my own spit. “N-never done that ever before.”
“Never?” He looked a little appalled. “Not even when you had sex the first couple times?”
I shook my head. “No. He, um, he offered. But I did it myself.”
“Damn. So, this’ll be the first time anyone else has ever done this for you?” I nodded. “I’ll make it good for you. Promise I will. Do you want to?” I nodded. “Do you trust me?” I nodded again. “Okay. Then let’s get you to bed.”
He scooped me up out of my seat before I could react, making me wrap my legs around him as he carried me to our bedroom. He placed me gently on the edge of the bed and kissed me, hard. Little finess, all passion. Slowly, like he was making sure he wasn’t going to startle me, he placed his hands on my sides, caressing my clothed body.
“Can I take your clothes off, babe?” I nodded rapidly, lifting my arms so that he could get my shirt off and then unceremoniously shoving off the rest so that I was completely bare in front of him. Suddenly feeling a little intimidated by being the only one naked, I asked “Could you take yours off too? Please?”
He stepped away from me, only just enough that he could strip without accidentally knocking me in the face. Within half a minute, we were equally exposed, just the way I prefer it. Scooch up, babe. On your back.”
I did as I was asked, shuffling back until my head was on the pillows. Harry went around the bed to the nightstand and pulled a little bottle of lube. He spread my legs a little more than they had been, bending them to give us a better angle, and got himself comfortably in between his legs. “It’s been awhile, yeah? So it’s probably gonna be a little uncomfortable at first. But I’ll make you feel so good, yeah? Promise you that.”
As soon as I nodded, he dribbled (probably a little too much) lube onto his fingers. He trailed his fingers down over my ass until two of his fingers were brushing over my hole. “Ready?”
“F-fuck, Harry. Please.”
“Whatever you want.”
Slowly, he pressed the tip of his finger in. Damn, it really has been awhile. I can’t remember ever feeling so tight around a finger. So tight, it burned a little. He pressed his finger the rest of the way, so slowly that it felt like it took centuries. When his first finger was all the way in, he bent over and kissed me, clearly intending to distract me from the slight pain. “M-move.”
And, fuck, did he listen. He pulled his finger out slowly before pushing it right back in. Within minutes of him doing so, I was pushing back against it, begging non-verbally for more.
“I ever tell you how much I love your ass?” To punctuate his question, he pulled his finger out and added another. The second finger went in much easier. I was so eager for it, making my body relax enough to welcome the intrusion. After just a few pumps of his fingers, he started moving them differently. Crooking and scissoring them inside of me.
Then, he hit it right on, and I couldn’t help but moan loudly. “Fuck, Lou. Sound so good. That your spot?”
My response was only a whimper as we hit it again. And again. And again and again and again, over and over. “Come on, babe. Cum for me.”
There was no way I could be embarassed about cumming so quickly, and on command, because it felt too fucking good to think about any of that.
While I was l lay there, totally overwhelmed by my orgasm, Harry sat back with a massive smirk on his face.
A few minutes later, once I had more or less recovered, I sat back up to look at Harry properly. He certainly wasn’t lying when he said that making other people feel good turned him on, because he is so fucking hard. Cock red and leaking, curved up against his belly.
I wasted no time in getting my mouth on his cock. I definitely can’t deep throat him as well as I used to be able to, he’s too fucking huge and it’s been awhile, but fuck if my technique isn’t still excellent.
He was so close, it was only a few minutes until he was cumming down my throat with a loud, deep moan. And, of course, I swallowed every drop.
The two of us plopped down with our heads on the pillows. “Fuck, Lou. You’re so good.”
“I’m good?” I chuckled. “Fingering myself never felt that good. I always just got the job done. Didn’t know that I could cum untouched from fingers.”
“You did, though.” He kissed me forehead. “Looked so good. So pretty. Should get you cleaned up, though. Got your cum all over yourself. Shower?”
I nodded, humming in response. We helped each other up and into the bathroom. We kissed tenderly under the warm water as we helped wash each other, shampooing and conditioning each other’s hair and gently scrubbed the rest of each other’s bodies. Once we were dried off and warm, we dressed in our softest trackies and fell back into bed, this time just to sleep.
Holding each other close, he whispered to me “I’m proud of you, Louis. You’ve come so far, especially in the last few months.”
“Couldn’t have done it without you.” I whispered back, pressing a kiss to his neck. “Not as easily, at least. Not so quickly after everything. Don’t know how I would have managed if I was by myself.”
“Well, you don’t have to think about that, okay? Cause you’ve got me, and I’ve got you. You won’t have to think about being alone ever again.”
Scars For A Dollar - Chapter Twenty
Life is made up of a series of choices. The problem is, sometimes the choices that impact your life the most are not your own.
It is the choices of others tat have led me to where I am now, selling my body in a brothel. All was horrible, yet bearable. Everyday was painfully similar to the ones before. Until, one day, a choice I made in the past returns. And all I believed to be real or true or normal is flipped upside down.
Chapter Twenty
The second day we were all back in London, after Harry was home from class and I was home from work, we sat down on his bed for an important chat.
We were sitting across from each other, close but not quite touching. Harry, despite how much we both knew he wanted to try this, was understandably wary. “So, you’re sure you’re ready for this? I won't be mad if you want to back out now. Even if you’ve only got a bit of doubt, we shouldn't push.”
It was nice for him to say, giving me an out. But as we stand right now, I don’t want an out. “I want to. It’s not going to be as easy as it is for most couples, but I think we can manage.”
He looked more than happy to hear me say that, just as happy as I was to say it. “Okay. If you’re ready, then so am I. Now, first date. Where should we go?”
I shrugged, not really having any exact ideas.“Nothing too fancy, for sure. But also, not super casual. I don't want it to feel like we’re just mates hanging out. Cause, I mean, we sort of are. Except we’re more.”
He nodded, taking in my suggestions. “Okay. I think I’ve got some ideas.” At least that makes one of us. “You don't work Friday evening, do you? Would that work?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
Now, that’s the lighter stuff out of the way. But what we really have to talk about, is the meat of it. I want for the both of us to have everything clear before we even go on the date. We know that we both want to do this, but we need to talk about what will be involved in that.
“So, um, I think we both have some things that we need to work out if we’re going to fit together. Like, um, I need to work on my trust issues and communication skills.”
He nodded, understanding where I was coming from. “Yeah. You’re already doing alright with those, though. I’m already working on my own communication skills and my anger thing, but I definitely have a jealousy problem.”
“You know that I wouldn't ever cheat, right? I know that my past doesn't totally show that, but that was my situation. If I'm with you, then I'm with only you.”
“Yeah, I know that. And same for me. And you know that I really am fine with going slow, right? We could only just cuddle for the rest of our lives, not even kissing, and I promise that I wouldn't push you for more. I’ll be satisfied with whatever you want to offer, just as long as I have you.”
Louis knew that they believed each other completely.
The first date was, in a word, excellent. It felt like they were almost getting to know each other for the first time, despite all of their history.
Harry had a really nice date planned for us. We went to a little trendy restaurant. It was a relaxed, fun atmosphere. And the food was great. The fact that it wasn't too loud was a plus, too. That way we could easily talk.
Afterwards, they went for a walk in the park. Louis was a little hesitant, thanks to what happened the last time they were in s park. But it was fine. It was still early enough that the ice cream vendor was still open, so they each got cones for dessert.
All in all, it was lovely. Much better than expected.
The whole going home together thing was a little awkward. Usually when a couple is living together, they’ve been together for a good while and they share rooms. This was not the way it worked for them. When they came through the front door, Harry pecked Louis on the cheek and wished him sweet dreams before disappearing into his own room.
We’d see each other literally ten minutes later, when they both went to the washroom to brush their teeth at the same time.
The next few dates were fairly similar. Not in location, just in the feeling. It was comfortable, thanks to how well we knew each other. But it was also exciting. I felt like I was re-learning who Harry was. Every time they went out, it seemed like he was learning something new.
Looking back at the way we had been together, it almost seems like we had been dating almost just for the sake of dating. It was hardly real. We had a connection, but that was it.
We really had needed to do this proper. Without secrets. With us taking turns to plan dates. With quiet nights in. With us saying goodnight and respectfully parting ways. With cheek and forehead kisses. Like we were courting each other.
We still hung out with other friends. Spent time apart, and together with them. I would often go watch band practices, and occasionally went to gigs too. Loving every minute of them. Harry would spend time with his university friends as well.
Weeks passed. The time for exams grew closer, and everyone grew more and more stressed. Date nights turned into quick dinners at home and then Harry studying while I read a random book beside him, sometimes quizzing him or helping him study if he asked.
There was something else stressing everyone out. The year was ending quickly and my dad was on everyone’s minds. We had yet to come up with a plan. Had yet to even talk about it again, aside from informing everyone of what had happened. Now, it really wasn’t something that we could put off any longer.
“Have you thought about getting, like, a restraining order? He wouldn’t be able to come near you or contact you.”
Of course I had thought about it. I just...I don’t know how I can go through with it. He doesn’t even remember his actions. And, don’t you need to go through a whole legal thing and prove your case? I have no evidence. I don’t know how I could convince a lawyer enough for them to help me.
I shot Harry down immediately. Didn’t let him get another word in.
More time passed until it was one week before exams were set to begin. Things had been going really well, despite all the stress. Harry and I continued to date.
One night, we had gone out to see a movie. I had shut my phone off, as you should in a movie theatre. It was a nice date. Exceptionally nice. We had walked there and home, since it wasn’t that long of a walk. On the way home, we held hands and talked, though the conversation was mostly comprised of giggling.
When we got home, before to the apartment was unlocked and opened, Harry lightly placed a hand on my cheek. “Louis, can I kiss you?”
Despite the fact that we’ve been properly dating for awhile, we haven’t kissed. Not once. But right now, after he’s asked me so tenderly, I want to. “Yes, please.”
He leant down so that I didn’t have to get up on my toes and he kissed me. It was just a gentle press of lips, only lasting for a few seconds before Harry pulled away. But it felt, not magic exactly. But warm. Like a soft heat was traveling all through his body.
They got ready for bed together, brushing their teeth side by side. With one last quick kiss exchanged, they separated and went to bed.
Right before Louis was about to fall asleep, he remembered to turn on his phone. He needed to turn on an alarm, just incase the usual morning activity didn’t wake him up.
I have a missed call and a voicemail. Just one. From a number that I could not recognize for the life of me. I listened to it. Of course I did. It could easily be something important, something involved with me starting school in the fall. Or maybe someone from the house got a new phone.
It was neither of those.
“Louis? This...this is your dad. I’m sorry if I scared you the last time we spoke. But I’d like to try again. Call me back, we need to talk.”
How did he find me? How could he possibly have found me, and after only a month or so after the last time he tried to talk to me?
But he has. He has found me. He’s got my number, it will only be a matter of time before he finds out where I live. He’s going to get to me, no matter how much I have tried to hide from me.
My immediate response was, despite my internal panic, was to run. Run right to Harry’s door and pound on it until Harry finally opened the door.
It took more time than I would have liked for him to answer, but when he opened the door, he quickly ushered me inside and sat down on the bed. “You’re okay, Lou. You’re safe in here, with me. Just gotta breathe, okay? In and out, slow and deep. You’re gonna be just fine. Breathe with me.”
Eventually, my breathing evened out and I stopped sweating and crying. Harry left the room and returned less than thirty seconds later with a tall glass of cool water. “What happened, baby? You were fine when I went to bed. What happened?”
“M-my dad. He g-got my n-number. Called. L-left a message.”
“How did he get your number?” Harry asked, voice even.
“D-don’t know. W-what if he finds out where I live? He’s g-gonna get me.”
Harry slowly laced our fingers together, giving my time to resist the physical contact if I wanted to. I didn’t. I weakly held his hand right back. “No he won’t. He’s not going to get you. I’ve got you. We’ve got you. We’re going to keep you safe. Always.”
“If I get a res-restraing order, do I have to see him again? Do I have to prove what he did?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry, but that’s how it works.”
“I can’t prove it.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“He’s not...I don’t think he wants to hurt me again. But I can’t see him again. Never.”
“We’ll figure something out, darling. He’s not going to get you. Not ever.”
That night, I slept in Harry’s bed. Neither of us wanted for me to be alone after the call, so we ensured that I wasn’t. He held me close against his chest and surprisingly, with the help of Harry’s even breaths and the comfortable weight of his arms around me, I slept almost soundly.
The next day, I tried to go about normally. I went to work and came home as I always did. But my anxiety has spiked especially high. Every noise from behind me makes me jump. The same with every unexpected touch. I could tell that everyone wanted to ask me what was wrong. Ask why I panicked at things that I was, lately, fine with. But no one asked, thankfully. I didn’t have to recount what my father was doing to me again.
It wasn’t spoken of at all for a few days. As each day passed, I grew more and more terrified. I had blocked the number, but I knew that my dad must have called again. There is no way that he would have stopped after only one call. It was only a matter of time until he grew tired of waiting and took further action.
The day before his exams were to begin, Harry approached me with an idea. Simple, but possibly effective. “Write him a letter. Make him understand what he did to you. It seems like he believes that he loves you. If that’s true, he will hate the idea of hurting you. I don’t think you’re in real danger of him hurting you again because of that. If you make him understand, he might leave you alone.”
We agreed that I would give it a try. If it didn’t work, I would have to obtain a restraining order. But this was my chance to make him leave me alone, and to never have to see him again.
Of course, there was the matter of actually writing the letter. Of figuring out exactly what I wanted to say and then actually translating that into written word.
I wrote and re-wrote the letter dozens of times. It was almost pathetic how many attacks this letter caused me. Harry was with me all the while. I was never alone when I tried to write. Even during exams, Harry made time to support me. Though of course, not so much that he was slacking on his studies and possibly endangering his grades.
When exams finished, Liam, Zayn, and Niall stuck around for a short while. Spending a few days celebrating the end of another year. But they soon went home.
Harry had promised me that he would not go home and leave me here alone, or take me back to his home, until we were sure that I would be safe.
We didn’t go out much in this time, I was too paranoid. Aside from the time when I worked, we mostly stayed home alone together, kissing and cuddling sweetly. I had more or less moved into Harry’s room, since that was now where I slept every night.
One day, after nearly a month since the first phone call, I figured it out. I wrote the final draft. A letter that encapsulated every single thing I have ever wanted to say to my father. And I sent it.
To Mr. Tomlinson
This is your son, Louis William Tomlinson. I know that you’ve been trying to get in contact with me, and I suppose I can understand why. But you need to know why I have not been answering your calls.
We both grieved over mom. But you did so in the wrong way. You drank. You drank so much, that there is a period of at least six months that you do not remember. In that time, you hurt me in the worst way possible. You raped me, nearly every day.
I think at first, you were so out of it that you believed I was mom. You would call me by her name and you would tell me that you loved me, something that you hadn’t done in ages. Over time, that stopped. You stopped telling me that you loved me, but you kept raping me.
I had tried to avoid you. But even if I had been out of the house long passed dark, you would always get to me at some point. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. That is why I left. Not just because of your drinking. I could have handled that. But I could not handle the pain.
Because of you, in the past few years, I have been abused over and over again. Still, I don’t regret leaving. If I had stayed with you, I know that I would have been dead long ago.
You might not believe me, but it happened. You should be relieved that I have not taken legal action against you. However, I will do so if you continue to attempt contacting me.
Never call me or attempt to find out where I live. And if you see me in public, do not speak to me or approach me.
You deserve much worse than this. You deserve to rot in prison for the rest of your life. You deserve to die. You should be pleased that this letter is all you are receiving.
I have one favour to ask. Never date again. Never have more children. Never enter a place or situation where you are close to children ever again. Seclude yourself. I know that you believe that when you are sober, you are a good man. But alcohol was not to only reason that you did what you did to me. If you are close to anyone ever again, you will hurt them. Do not allow that to happen.
You will never hear from me again. I am no longer your son and you are no longer my father.
I hope that you spend the rest of your life suffering, but it will never be as much as you deserve.
From, the boy you tried to destroy,
Louis Tomlinson
While I had been writing the letter, Harry had his family back home find out exactly where my dad was living. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that difficult. Probably because it isn’t exactly a huge town.
Harry held my hand as I dropped the letter in a mailbox. It was out of my hands now. This was all I could do. Immediately after getting rid of the letter, Harry and I went out together, to distract us.
The next day, Harry had a thought. How was I supposed to know if he was listening to me, if I didn’t eve know whether or not he continued to call me? So, I unblocked his number.
That first day, I received seven calls. Of course, I didn’t answer a single one. But clearly dad hadn’t given up, despite the fact that I have not answered any of his calls in all the weeks he’s been trying.
I can’t expect for him to have gotten the letter yet. Letters don’t always travel quickly. They call it snail mail for a reason. But as days passed, I grew more and more anxious. He kept calling. Multiple times a day. I was starting to wonder if he is ignoring what I said in the letter.
On the fifth day, suddenly, it stopped. No more calls. Not one. And finally, I could breathe.
I never heard from him again.
I had never felt more free. They were gone. All the people who have had the greatest impact on me are gone from my life. Permanently. They can’t hurt me anymore. They can’t speak to me anymore. They can’t even see me anymore. None of them. They can’t hurt me, and hopefully they won’t be able to get to anyone else.
Harry and I still didn’t go back to his home. And we won’t not for a while. Just in case we come across dad so soon after the letter. We will go back sometime this summer, at least once. But not yet. For now, we stay in London and enjoy our version of peace.
Scars For A Dollar - Chapter Nineteen
Life is made up of a series of choices. The problem is, sometimes the choices that impact your life the most are not your own.
It is the choices of others tat have led me to where I am now, selling my body in a brothel. All was horrible, yet bearable. Everyday was painfully similar to the ones before. Until, one day, a choice I made in the past returns. And all I believed to be real or true or normal is flipped upside down.
Chapter Nineteen
He’s guilty. Two days after the actual day in court, it was announced. He’s guilty.
But he is not being punished as much as I would like.
Despite all the evidence that should have allowed at least close to a maximum sentence, he is only receiving six years. His youngest daughter will not even be out of the house before he is released, and that is if he actually serves his full sentence. Which, odds are, he will not. At least he will be a registered sex offender when he will be released.
Who knows what his family will do. Who knows if his wife will seek a divorce. Who knows if his daughters will continue to believe in him.
But honestly, I don’t give a fuck. Even if his family stays together, they will probably never truly trust him again. He will be losing whatever job he has now, and it will be virtually impossible for him to get another one since his criminal acts cannot be forgotten. Really, his life is over. Even if he will only spend a few years in prison.
Everyone who can be punished for hurting me, is currently being punished. I am as free as I can possibly be.
Once it was all over, it felt like things slowed down. I wasn’t stress free. I still got anxious a lot. But it was much less. I was no longer scared that someone would come after me.
It had been planned that once the case was done with, since it was spring break that my four childhood friends would all be going home. After a bit of debate, it was decided that I would be going with them. I would be staying with Niall, in Greg’s old room.
But apparently I will be expected to visit everyone else’s parents, too. After mom died and dad fucked up, I spent a load of time at all of their houses. Often being present for supper and therefore seeing and speaking to them often. Might as well do that again since I am back in their son’s lives.
After one last Saturday shift with everyone present, I hugged all of them goodbye. They don’t often go home to Australia, and particularly won’t be during spring break since that is when people want to go to clubs and party. And those clubs need bands.
Then, early the next morning, we were on the road. It was only about a two hour drive, and I honestly slept the entire way. I had rode in Liam’s car, so when we arrived at Niall’s house I waited patiently for them to finish kissing goodbye (it took awhile, but I didn’t mind) so that we could unload our bags.
Maura was waiting for us right inside the door. I’m guessing that the only reason she didn’t run out the door to greet us as soon as we pulled in, was to give her son and his boyfriend some time together.
But instead of pouncing on her son, she passed right him and hugged me. It took me a second to realize what was happening, but the second I did I hugged her back just as tight. “We missed you, Louis. We all did.”
I remember being told about the time that they spent looking for me. All of them. For years. My dad couldn’t care less about me, but these people did. They’re not my blood family, but they’re as close as to it as the parents of my friends could possibly be. And I could not be more grateful for them. “I missed you too. So much.”
She gave me one last squeeze and moved on to Niall, hugging him the same way she did me.
As the day went on, us sitting down for lunch, being sent to unpack, chatting over tea, supper being eaten, and everything else in between, I wondered what they had been told. I know that they know that my dad wasn’t a good father, but I don’t know if anything else was explained.
When Maura looked at me, she didn’t seem sad. She didn’t look sorry for me. She didn’t even ask about where I had gone or what I had done. We spoke of only the past few months. Of Niall’s schooling and job, my job, our friends, and nothing else remotely upsetting. We didn’t even speak about the cases, even if they are the reason that Niall is only here for the last half of his break.
Whatever she did or did not know, I appreciate that she didn’t bring up any downers. Kept it positive, the way I like conversation to be.
Days passed. My reception at each other house was similar. Loads of hugs from mums and siblings alike.
Dads, though, were a little more distant. I didn’t feel disliked by them, or unwelcome in any way. The conversation was still quite pleasant, and they were just fine with their sons. But it was like there was a collective agreement between all dads to not touch me. Perhaps they know quite a bit about me afterall.
Spring break passed quickly until it was the evening before we were to leave.
There is one big park in town. I remember when we were younger, Niall and I used to go out there and have a kick around. None of the other boys were ever really as into football as the pair of us are, so they never really joined us. It was our place.
We didn’t have very long before we had to go back to Niall’s place for supper, but we decided to grab a football and go to the park anyway, for old times sake.
It was fun. I was quite rusty, since it’s literally been about six years since I’ve touched a football, but Niall didn’t seem to mind how out of practice I am. Not even when I kicked the ball with far too much force and sent it flying into the nearby trees. “S’fine, mate. I’ve got it.”
Niall went off into the trees before I could protest. I could have easily gotten it myself, but if he wanted to, who was I to to stop him?
Seconds after he disappeared, I heard someone shout my name from behind me. Obviously it wasn’t Niall. But it also wasn’t any of my boys or my family or anyone else from my old school.
It was my dad. I didn’t want to believe it. He was in prison. He had been arrested and he was supposed to be in prison. But he isn’t. He shouted my name again and I turned around. It’s him.
He looks...different. Closer to what I remember him looking like when I was a kid than how he was when I left. Gone is his beer belly. Gone is the beard he had been too drunk to shave. Gone are the bruised knuckles, the dark circles under his eyes, the piercing glare, all of it.
He doesn’t look angry, like he had been every time I had seen him for the last year I had lived with him. That is by far the biggest difference.
He looks happy. Incredibly happy. Happier than any person who has done what he has done deserves to be.
“Oh my god, Lou. It’s been years! Where did you go, Louis?”
I said nothing. I was...frozen. Frozen in fear of the man who ruined me. Just like I always was before he used to touch me.
“Come on, son. Talk to me!” He got closer. Closer and closer until he was directly in front of me. “Look, I know that I had some problems. I know I wasn’t there for you after we lost your mum. But I’ve changed, Louis! I’m sober now! You wouldn’t be alone anymore, Louis. Come on. Come back to my apartment with me. We’ll catch up.”
He touched me, placing a hand on my shoulder. That, I couldn’t handle. I shot away from him, but I tripped over my own feet. “What’s gotten into you, Louis? I’m not going to hurt you. You know I could never hurt my own kid. I just want to talk to you. I woke up one day, and you were just gone.”
He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember hurting me. He doesn’t remember anything. He thinks that he was just a drunk. This means that he was so fucking drunk for at least those six months that it’s blacked out of his memories.
He was directly above me and as he finished speaking, he placed his hand on my cheek. “I’m sober, Lou. I won’t hurt you.”
But he will. Fuck, he is. Seeing him out free and him touching me again is hurting me so incredibly badly.My heart was absolutely racing and breathing was becoming difficult. I knew I was on the brink of an attack.
“Lou? Louis!” That...that wasn’t my dad. Niall. It was Niall. Niall sprinting towards us from the trees that he just emerged from.
In all the years I’ve known him, Niall has never truly looked angry or intimidating. He’s kind. Sweet. Gives the best hugs. But right now, as he shouts “Get away from him!” and shoves my dad off of me, he has never looked more terrifying.
As soon my dad was on the ground, Niall grabbed me under my shoulders and pulled me up, then took my hand and started running, me trying to keep up with me. “You’re okay, Lou. Everything’s okay. We’re going to Harry’s. His house is closer than mine, okay?”
He didn’t ever give me a chance to respond, just kept running and spewing out somewhat soothing words, though they didn’t really work since he sounded far too panicked. But he was talking, at least. The last time I was pulled away from a dangerous situation, no one said a thing and that was why my attack was so horrible. I still feel like I’m drowning, but someone talking, though it sounds farther away than I know it is, is definitely helping.
“Almost there, Lou. Just hold on a little longer. Keep breathing. You’re gonna be okay.”
I tried my best, but with all the running and the events of a few minutes ago, I was struggling. The world was blurring around me, like it was spinning so fast that I couldn’t make out anything.
Finally, we were in front of Harry’s house. Niall pounded on the door while he fully supported my my weight.
The second the door opened, Niall more or less dragging me into the front room and onto the couch. “What’s wrong with him? What’s going on?” Oh, it wasn’t Harry. But I know the voice, despite how far away it sounded.
“Panic attack. Bad one. Is Harry here? He needs Harry.”
Anne’s blurred figure shot up the stairs, hopefully that means that Harry is here.
Niall lightly placed a hand on my cheek, making me focus on him as much as I was capable of doing. “You’re okay, Lou. You’re doing good.”
I don’t know how long later, but I heard Harry’s voice. “Don’t touch him, touch stresses him out more.”
Niall’s hand dropped from my cheek, though he remained beside me. “You’re safe here, Louis. You’re at my house, yeah? Nothing can hurt you in here. You’re doing so good, darling. Just got to keep breathing, okay? Deep breaths. In and out. Breath with me.” His voice was deep and slow and soothing. And then he was just breathing. In and out. In and out. I did my best to match his breaths.
Eventually, his voice became clearer in my mind and the world became less blurred. Harry was right in front of me, looking like he was trying very hard to hide his own stress. “There you are, yeah? You’re doing really well.”
He turned his gaze to the side where his mum was standing. She’s still here. She saw all of that. “Could you grab him some water?”
She instantly did just that. Harry moved to sit at my other side. “Can you tell me what happened? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He always says that, but I always do.
Anne returned with the water and handed the glass to me, still looking more than a little startled. “Th-thank you.”
She nodded as I chugged the water.
I hated to worry Harry or Anne, but I suppose that they had better know. “It was my dad. H-he was at the park.
“Your dad? You’re sure?” I nodded. “I thought he was in prison.”
“He was.” Said Anne. “Last I checked, he was supposed to be there for at least another year and a half. He must be out on probation.”
A man like that shouldn’t even be considered for probation. But, if he’s ‘changed’ the way he said he did, he must be out on good behavior.
“I just…” Niall started “I was only gone for a minute. But when I got back, he was standing over Lou.” He said, sounding horrified with himself. It wasn’t. Niall couldn’t have known what was about to happen.
“He...he said he changed. Wanted to talk to me. Wanted me to go back to his apartment. And...he doesn’t remember. Doesn’t remember hurting me.”
“Fuck.” Harry stood and walked away from the three of us. “Fuck!”
For a second, he looked as if he was about to punch the wall. He always does something like this when he’s angry. Yells or throws things or punching things. Taking out his anger on everything or everyone around him.
He raised his fist, but lost the momentum quickly so that in the end he only rested his fist on the wall.
Then he disappeared into the kitchen and the room was silent. There was no shouting coming from the kitchen. Nothing banging or clattering or smashing, either. All I could hear was Niall’s steady breathing.
Maybe two minutes later, Harry returned looking much calmer. It usually takes him ages to calm down. And he certainly needs to let it out before he can. But, though he looked on edge, he was back to normal.
He returned to his seat beside me and cautiously took my hand in his. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I’m not mad at you, just so you know. I’m just upset with the situation. We’re not going to let him get to you though, okay? Niall protected you today, right? Kept you safe? We’re all always going to do that. Protect you from everyone who tries to hurt you. We’re going home tomorrow. We’ll be hours away from him. We’ll figure something out for when summer comes. But no matter what, he’s not going to get to you again.”
Oh.
“I-I believe you.”
“Good. Good boy, You’re okay right now, though? He didn’t hurt you?” I shook my head. “Good. At least there’s that. Are you feeling better now? I nodded. “Then we’d better get you back to Niall’s. You should probably have something to eat and go right to bed. I’ll drive, just got to talk to mum quick.”
Harry stood and went to his mum. The pair went into the kitchen, and it was silent once more. Niall placed a hand on my knee and asked. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just can’t believe he’s out. Can’t believe he blocked out everything he did to me. As far as he knows, all he did was neglect me. Thank you,” I placed my hand over top of his “for getting me out of there. Don’t know what I would have done if I was alone.”
“Anytime, Lou. Anytime.”
Just then, Harry returned, car keys in hand.
The car ride was silent. Since they lived so close together, it only took a couple minutes. I was about to get out of the car, except there’s something I need to know first. “Harry? Can I talk to you?”
Harry turned to Niall instead of answering. Niall, being the courteous lad be is, said “I’ll be inside. I’ll check if supper’s ready yet.”
I figured that Niall would also he letting those inside know what had happened. I didn’t mind, if it meant that they wouldn’t be asking me.
Harry waited until Niall had shut the door behind him before asking “What’s up?”
“I, um, I just, what was that? Usually when you get, you know…”
“When I’m upset, I freak out?” I nodded. Exactly. “You were right when you said that I needed to get it together. I can’t freak out like that, especially if it ends up making me hurt you, or anyone else I care about. I’ve, um, I had a couple appointments with a counselor at school. Just to figure out how I can calm myself down. Guess it worked well enough.”
“Yeah, it did. But, you did that for me?”
He shrugged. “Had problems with it before, I guess. Ever since you left. But yeah, you made me realize that I needed to get myself under control.”
He did that for me. He did that for me with no ulterior motives, just so that I would feel more comfortable with him.
“You okay, Lou? I know that what happened today shook you up, but…”
“Do you want to go out sometime?”
He froze, and so did I.
Did I mean that? Was I just saying it because he hadn’t yelled earlier? Fuck, am I ready for this?
I am. I want to be ready, and I think I am.
I had said that I wanted to get to know myself first. Really, I sort of have. Sure, I’ve still got more things that I need to figure out. But isn’t being in a relationship supposed to be being yourself, just with another person?
It can’t be the same way it was the first time it happened. Harry can’t be my only comfort or my only escape. I will need to be independent, even if we spend most of our time together.
“What?” Harry asked, still shocked.
“I mean, do you want to go out? With me? On a date?”
“A-are you sure? You’re not just saying that because…”
“No, but that helps. I’m not saying that this is a for sure thing. I’m just saying that I, um, want to try. But I want to do it proper. I want to ease into it, you know? And I need to go really slow. Like, a snail's pace. I get it if you’re not up for all my baggage, but if you want this, then I’m ready.”
A wide smile appeared on his face. “Okay, yeah. Yeah, I’d love that. We’ll work stuff out when we get back to London, yeah? Like, where we’re going and all that.”
“Sounds good. I’d better go inside now, though. So, um, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Tomorrow.”
With one more shared smile, I exited the car.
Everyone was already eating at the table when I came in. Without a word, only a couple of shy smiles, I joined them.
Conversation was pretty average, mostly just talking about our return to school in the morning and the coming couple months.
Admittedly, I am still quite tired from my attack. Sure, it was pretty minor, but it was a shit day so I’m allowed to be tired. So I was just washing up in the bathroom before I headed to bed, when Niall came in. Really nothing unusual, when you share an apartment with four guys, you end up in the bathroom at the same time. Then, just after I finished brushing my teeth, he asked “what were you talking to Harry about?”
“Just about today. Did you know that he’s been talking to a councillor? About, like, how he acts when he’s angry sometimes?”
Surprisingly, Niall nodded “yeah, he’s mentioned it before. Hadn't really been sure if it was going to work, but I guess he’s taking care of it.”
“Yeah,” I paused, drying my hands. “Also, I kind of asked him out. Like, on a date.”
He froze where he was, just about to grab his toothbrush from the holder. “You...you’re going out with him?”
Not...a positive reaction, which was what I would have been expecting. But, I guess that came with no warning. Just a surprise, for both of us. “Yeah. I want to give it a go.”
“You sure you’re ready for that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I totally support this. I think you guys could work really well together. But, are you sure you can handle this? Because, no offence, you’re not going to have an easy time with this.”
I know that. Nothing I have done has shown that I can properly be in a relationship. But I want to make this work. Sure, it’s going to be frustrating as fuck. But… “I'm ready. We’re gonna have to lay down some ground rules, already sort of started that today, but I think this could work. You know, if we communicate properly.”
Communication is definitely the biggest issue with us. Us (mainly me) keeping secrets and hiding things causes most of our problems. And they don't get fixed very quickly because of us (mainly Harry) reacting before speaking. If we can work on that, it should work. The key word being should.
