#ptsd talk

[chiralitree]

PTSD sucks, what do you mean being shown basic human decency makes me cry because im so used to being mistreated?

[lumalilies]

ptsd talk

for the past few days we've just had like unbridled rage sitting in us. it's in our bones, we try to vent it with air punches and car screams and shit but its steady, its present, it doesn't subside. and I ultimately think it's a good thing, we're in touch with anger we've needed to be with for a long long long time, and it makes sense it's this intense. part of me hopes it does kind of calm soon though cause it's a little hard to function like this or access some of the other feelings. might be quieter while this is here with us. it's one of those this kind of sucks but I do think its progress deals. anger shouldn't be kept away, but it's a lot to get so much of it back at once.

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

Gale thoughts

So like I love Gale. He is one of my favorite characters of all time. His writers did a fantastic job with him.

And like it’s so personal to me because I very rarely am able to find characters who I can relate to but good lord do I fucking see myself in that man.

I’ve got trauma. I’ve never hid that I have trauma. I deal with PTSD and I do EMDR therapy to deal with my trauma. That all being said,

I had fell very deeply in love with someone who completely isolated me from my community to the point where he even took my friends from me and said if we wanted to get back together after he dumped me I would basically need to destroy myself in order to do so. And I did it because I felt responsible for how he was feeling and I did basically destroy myself. I know exactly what it’s like to never be good enough for someone and would try to prove to him that I am worth being in a relationship but all he wanted me for was sex. And I had to completely rebuild myself from the ground up after it all went down and I was able to break free of the abuse.

So I see Gale and I’m like “well I understand.” And not only do I see myself in him, I also see someone who loves their partner so much, that he isn’t afraid to show it no matter what (ie mindflayer ending) he stays with the PC even if they go with Karlach or Lae’zel. If you want to stay with him but not marry him/not go to Waterdeep he happily agrees because he just wants to be with the PC and I’ve never ever had someone who loves me that much.

Like not only do I see myself in him but he’s also raised my standards for what I should look for in a partner.

I have yet to find any connection (mostly due to trauma and a lot to do with demisexual/romantic stuff) with anyone since then so I’ve been single for almost 10 years. But yeah I was manipulated and isolated so I like *get* Gale. I see myself in him because never being good enough sucks. Having someone constantly trying to be in different relationships but keeping you around as a backup sucks. I would just like to meet someone with half the devotion of Gale LMAO.

It’s just one of those things where a lot of people have been able to see their trauma with Astarion and help themselves through it, which is great! That’s how I am with Gale. I see my trauma through Gale and it’s helping me realize a lot of shit and process some things.

Man I love that guy. I want to just hug him. I think he’d give good hugs.

[amypihcs]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

SInce i want them to TALK ( @contact-guy, @eisenkrahe they need to taaaaaalk XD - i love your art, you know it), here they talk.

Because the first days post hiatus CAN'T have been easy.

hope you enjoy this tiny fic!

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@sherlock-is-ace @geeoharee @haedraulics @sadieb798

@jeremys-come-to-bed-eyes @its-notlupus @somethingintheforest @r2y9s-notartblog

@uygfiug @always-too-many-daisies @yulagrandeur @blistering-typhoons

[go-for-egg]

I hate when my PTSD acts up so badly out of nowhere.

I’ve been awake for hours and I’m anxious and trying so hard to use my skills to sleep.

I did a lot of self care, I watched a movie, I showered and shaved my legs and exfoliated and shaved my face, I lit a candle…I even masturbated to see if it would take the edge off, but it didn’t.

I just keep being reminded of things I don’t want to be and I feel like I’m dying on the inside slowly and it won’t get better. It is so damn hard to deal with now, especially after years of being treated for the wrong things.

I already drastically changed in personality within the last couple of years, I have no idea who I even am anymore, and now I’m trying to navigate through everything that’s made me so fucked up in the first place for as long as I can remember because someone FINALLY realized and is educated specifically with PTSD and was confident on the spot to tell very gently that I meet the full criteria and the system has greatly let me down for years. Just…fuck. I don’t know how to feel.

I know I’m not my mental illness, I know I’m not my past or the trauma or the hurt or anything, but I have never felt so lost.

I know it’s a mid life crisis too because it’s hard turning 30 and watching everyone around you getting married, having kids, a house or an apartment of their own, independence.

I’m not capable of independence right now and finally admitted to myself that the best thing to do while I work through this with my therapists, is to go on social security benefits.

I just hate it though because it’s so deeply ingrained and I’ve been conditioned to believe that asking for help only leads to failure or disappointment or being rejected and looked at like I’m lazy. Some people still don’t take me seriously, I have hurt a lot recently because I found out someone I once trusted is saying I’m faking this for attention.

I wish I was, but I’m not. I have never felt so low in my life and believe me, if I could be one of those TikTok teenagers who don’t understand going through puberty doesn’t automatically mean they have severe disorders just because of the distress that comes with growing up (I’m not saying it’s the same for all, absolutely not, but hopefully people get what I mean), I would love to trade places with them.

But the hard painful truth I’ve had to face is this is my reality right now, and no matter how much it hurts, I need to both ride it out and change it and do something about it, and I am.

I just wish I felt like people weren’t abandoning me because of it though. I just want someone to love me despite this, to believe in me and to trust me. I don’t want anyone to fix me or play therapist with me, I just want someone to stand by me and not walk away when things get hard.

I’m losing my faith in others and I don’t understand why I still treat others so nicely and drop everything if it means I can help someone else because no one ever does that for me.

[tinystepsforward]

got triggered by a friend while at work which is like. rough. and now i'm past the end of my work day but i still have a bunch to do. on the plus side though i did make a cup of tea, sit down and play through some easy baroque piano pieces (ones i know pretty well, from my grade 4-6 exam books as a tween), and let that kick my brain back into being Vaguely Settled. my body's still very much in high alert which is annoying bc this is the most physically triggered i've been in fucking years and it wasn't even. it's weird that it was what set it off basically

[vakariansmonocle]

oh I'm realizing I'm in PTSD mode oh that tracks lmao like wow wild how much I miss fucking therapy actually like holy fuck

[starwalkeranon]

Hey other people with ptsd, do you miss periods of time (hours, days, weeks, months, ect.) or is it just me?