because you told me you got sick of me making promise after promise i never kept
but you shouldnt have expected me to ditch everyone and everything just for you
you should have trusted that i loved you
i had to balance my kismesissitude and moiralliegance it couldnt just be all about you and allikat felt like i neglected him for you which i totally did so yeah i left to spend some quality time with him
but why did you act like i was neglecting you
the only time i started to stay away from you was when you had started to stay away from me
you cant honestly say you could have stayed and loved me if i completely ignored you and never spoke a word
you never said you loved me and you dont understand how much it fucked me up that you would never say it back to me
you dont fucking understand how hard it was for me to pity a matesprit who didnt love me
so yeah i spent more time with allikat because at least he cared about our relationship
for a little while he cared so much and he did hate me
i invested my time in the one who spoke to me and who bothered to spend time with me
you never wanted to do anything i liked when i would do whatever you wanted to do all you wanted to do was sleep and stay away from everyone else but thats not the afterlife for me bouncekat that was never my fucking choice
i wanted to go tree climbing and take you out on romantic dates and i wanted some sign that you cared about me at all but you wouldnt ever leave the hive with me and you just stared at me without even a smile when i told you i loved you
allikat would fight with me and hed even sit in the trees with me if i wanted because we shared each others interests even if we did diss them all the time and totally mocked each other because that was a good kismesissitude before he went and turned on me
you never spoke or smiled or hugged me all you did was lay there on the couch and get sadder and sadder and i wish i slapped you because you should have realized how fucking sick in the head you were you miserable bastard
if you had realized what you were doing to yourself you would have made it out alive and existing but no you wanted to destroy yourself all that time
i cant be your universe and i cant be the only thing keeping you alive do you understand how stressful that was for me knowing my matesprit could kill himself any moment i looked away from him
what if i had put all that pressure on you
doesnt feel so good does it
youre not allowed to drag me down just because you couldnt even live without me at your side i had a kismesis and i preferred his company a whole fucking lot more than i did over yours i admit it do you fucking hear me you asshole
i preferred my kismesis over you because he talked to me and he went out and did stuff with me and he made sure i knew he hated me and he was exciting and i liked being angry at him
you never did anything for me
so dont you go telling me i never did enough for you or that i neglected you
maybe i should have realized it sooner that i was a fool for following you around like a fucking idiot
you never tried and you never gave anything
it was all about you you you you you and you werent the innocent little cutie you made yourself out to be
i can see now that you were the selfish one who wanted all the attention and wanted me all to yourself
you were the one with the problems all along so dont you go off telling me i was the insane one who needed your help
the only times i was ever happy during our matespritship was when i left the hive and forgot about you and that should have been a big neon sign that i should have dumped you way earlier in our relationship instead of clinging on to you for this long
you pitiful piece of shit
my current matesprit could handle it if i left him for a few hours to go on a hate date
he could handle it if i went off without him i mean sure hed get bored and lonely but id come back to him because at least he would communicate with me and tell me he loved me and wed do all this sappy shit together that you never even tried to do with me
i have been telling everyone how perfect you were and how much i loved you and how you were the greatest thing in the world i made you out to be something flawless but i understand now its all so clear
youre a fraud bouncekat vantas
dont you ever blame me for ruining our relationship and dont you dare say if i had spent more time with you that you wouldnt have killed yourself
it was you who distanced yourself from me
dont you ever forget that
i used to be afraid to say anything rude to you because you were so fragile and cried all the time
but im not going to cry over you disappearing forever
you arent special and you arent pitiful youre just a needy coward and youre weak and small and useless and even more mentally ill than i ever was youre so fucking hopeless i cant stand it
ive only just now understood that youre everything i motherfucking HATE
youre not the center of my world or the only thing on my mind and im not going to worship you or your cuteness nor how pitiful you were and how much you needed me
because i hate you bouncekat
i hate you more than ive ever loved you
and youre nothing to me anymore
