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Unpopular opinion: I really don't like stoic emotionless Luke Skywalker. Give me emotional boy, give me sunshine boy, give me the man who acted on his emotions, whose emotions were his saving grace. He saved his friends and he saved his father because of his emotions, his love, his compassion. He did not save them by being a stoic emotionless jedi master. He is powerful in the force, yes, absolutely. But he feels so empty without his emotions connecting him to others.
Today on I fricking love Ben Solo
How long did Ben Solo have Palpatine/Snoke in his head until he broke? It is canon that he was in his mind since before Ben was even born. He was a constant presence. Constant. And when did Ben break? When did everything come to a head? Ben was 23. 23 years, his entire life, where he constantly had unquestionably the darkest presence in the Galaxy trying to manipulate him, pull him to the dark, make him fall.
I just looked it up and Anakin was 22 or 23 when he became Darth Vader, but he didn’t have the same measure of darkness thrust upon him all the time. He was 10 when Palpatine first met him. He wasn’t always under his influence. He didn’t have him in his mind all the time.
Ben, though, always had him manipulating him, his emotions and thought processes and perceptions. And everything we’ve gotten about young Ben Solo is miraculously optimistic and bright and happy. We’ve gotten a very young Ben Solo saving butterflies and loving his parents. We’ve gotten an idealistic young Ben idolizing his uncle. Every time we’ve seen him before his fall is him being such a huge force for good. And then it’s revealed that he actually was not the one to destroy Luke’s training temple(Force Lightning from Palpatine most likely), but he believed himself to be.
Every step and every action after that is a result of him trying to bring himself into alignment with the voices in his head which have created a huge amount of dissonance between who he is, what is expected of him, who he should be, and who he should become.
This boy was such a huge beacon of light, was such a force of good, was such a power in the Force, that it took 23 years of constant manipulation and influence at a level never before seen in the Star Wars universe to have him turn towards the dark and take those steps that dragged him into Palpatine’s grasps. And even with all of those horrible decisions, he feels torn apart, he has conflict constantly in his soul, and the one act, Killing Han, that was supposed to cement himself in the dark side shows that he isn’t on the dark side, can’t be on the dark side, isn’t meant to be in the dark. It rips his soul apart.
But the voices in his head keep telling him that he can’t go back, he can’t be good, he’s a monster, he’s not good enough, he’s evil, but never evil enough. He’s not light enough, he’s not dark enough, he’s never enough. He can’t go back to his mother, but he’s no Vader. And all of these are lies to break this man’s hopes and spirits and such goodness that would have “shaken the stars.” He was good. He was so good, for so long, against so much evil and manipulation, and he died saving what he loved, because how dare he live a happy life without pure evil taking up residence in his head? How much good would he have done if he hadn’t had the most manipulative man in the Galaxy influencing everything he did?
June Reylo Fanfic Recap
This year is half over! And I wrote so much this month, I’m so happy with myself. 6 months since we lost our dear Ben, but fanfics keep him alive! Anywho, if you want to stay up to date on what I’ve been writing, or you want to just binge some Reylo, you can find me as BurntKloverfield on AO3, and you can check out my other personal monthly Fanfic Recaps under the tag #fanfic-recap.
I started out this month by going through my notes for some unfinished fic ideas, and I had so many, and I still have a lot, but I wrote through some of them so there are several short fics you can read through pretty quickly.
Saving What We Love is a canon divergent au where right after the throne room in TLJ. When the Supremacy and the Legacy Saber were shattered down the middle, Rey dragged an unconscious Ben back with her. Unfortunately, he wakes up in a cell.
Padawans of Ren was a little note that had been hanging around my docs since TFA era, but I went and fleshed it out a bit, and it turned out fairly cute and tender. Set in a post TFA au. Luke refused to teach Rey on Ach-to, and so she returned to D'qar to the Resistance, which was still hidden from the First Order, until Kylo Ren shows up with three new faces.
Entangled Stars is a concept that I’ve had forever, where everyone is participating in a dance competition, another little idea that was hanging out in my notes. I’m sad I don’t have the animation talents to make this visual, but my talents lie in words, so you get this cute little description of a dance competition.
Always a Woman to Me is set to the Billy Joel song by the same name. Another note that was waiting for me to do something with. It was always just Finn and Ben talking to each other about Rey, but it throws in a twist post TROS.
I also write meta, on occasion. Today on I Fricking Love Ben Solo is a meta I’m sure you’ve already read since I originally posted it on tumblr, but I like to throw them on AO3 as well for safe keeping.
Palpatine is a Liar is something I’ve been trying to write since I first saw TROS. A quick sidequest shows that Palpatine is a manipulative liar, always has been, always will be, and it changes the entire series of events of the movie.
Written in My Hand, remember my canon divergent soulmate mark au? 2 new chapters this month!!! It’s a little bit angsty, but I really appreciate where it’s going.
The Rose of the Titanic is a bonus fic this month. It’s actually a GingerRose Titanic au.
It’s all there for you to catch up on. I’ve got a fic coming out on the 4th, so keep an eye out for that.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and kudos, and commenting! It’s always so exciting to see people get excited about my writing. I really love writing, and I thrive on seeing people read the stuff I make.
2019 Fic Review
This year had a lot of ups and downs between my writing and depression and work and everything, but I just wanted to look back at all my Reylo fics and how much I wrote this year.
Caught by Crystals has been my heart and soul this year. 40 chapters and 70,168 words. I’ve had this fic in my heart since 2017, my very first brainstorming notes are dated as far as April 2017, and I mentioned that I wanted to write it back in October 2017, but finally posted the first chapter October 2018, finishing only days before The Rise of Skywalker release in December 2019. It’s the longest finished fic I’ve written, and I’m just so proud that I’ve completed it. Ultimately, it’s a supernatural ghost story centered around Ben being a witch and Rey being a ghost and the development of a found family and setting things right.
Rey Has a Cold was just a little fic that I wrote when I had a bad head and chest cold, but it took off like crazy. It’s a pure comfort sickfic with the softest Ben.
Fall to Your Knees is an angsty little fic that spawned from that gif from Marriage Story where Adam Driver is on his knees and Scarlett Johansson is rubbing his back. It’s all angst. I’m so sorry.
Dismantled is a wip I’m still working on. Pretty much, mpreg. Ben’s pregnant with Rey’s Force baby, because of the bond, of course, and it spurs Ben to change everything. It’s cute, and I’m so excited to keep writing it. Because it’s so cute and tender and precious.
I’m not reading your mind is a silly little fic that boils down to pure wish fulfillment. Ben and Rey can see each other’s daydreams, which isn’t exactly great for their focus in this modern coworker au.
27 Dresses of Senator Benjamin Organa is a Senator Ben/Jedi Bodyguard Rey au vaguely inspired by the movie 27 Dresses, and the fact that the song “Benny and the Jets” came on the radio every single day for like 3 weeks.
You Wanna (Pokemon) Go? Oh I’m so proud of this one! The coffee shop between Ben’s and Rey’s very grown up professional jobs has just become a PokeStop.
But looking back, this year was so good for my fanfic, and I’m so proud of everything I’ve written. But also I’m so proud of seeing these little snippets of my life encapsulated as inspiration for my writing.
And thank you so much all you Reylos for reading and commenting! Happy New Year!!!
Hey! If Emma Swan from OUaT and Sabrina the Teenage Witch can both go to Hell to save their boyfriends, then Rey can go save hers!
Every time I look back at TROS, I find something more jarring, and I’ve been thinking about the sequel trilogy and unfortunately found something else. With The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, I felt like these movies were made for me, made for that 20 something year old girl who was looking for inspiration and adventure and hope. I very seldom see myself in characters, but I saw pieces of myself in Rey and Finn and Ben and Rose. The story was beautiful and exciting. And I knew I loved TFA, but I walked out of TLJ knowing that that was my most favorite movie of all time, and it still is, because ultimately, it felt like it was a film so perfectly catered to me, and the closest I had ever come to that before was growing up in the excitement of Harry Potter. But TFA and TLJ felt so much like they were movies that were made for me, with emphasis on things I saw as important. It was the story I needed to see as a young woman, because I saw myself in the talented young Rey trying to find her own journey, trying to be good, to live up to what everyone was expecting of her. These were movies to inspire me.
As for TROS, it wasn’t. It wasn’t a movie for me. It wasn’t a movie for the story I was invested in. It wasn’t inspirational for me. It had somehow confirmed every nightmare and panic attack and depressive episode. Rey had gone from someone who made her own choices, who took charge, who grew and developed and was a person all her own, to someone tied to traditions and namesakes and you can only succeed based on who you know. I’m terrified of getting stuck, of my progress halting, of never doing anything with myself, of never having the ability to do things and make my own choices, of being tied down to this perfect angelic ideal of a child who can do no wrong because she’s ultimately obedient. And that is what Rey became. She’s an eternal child, on Tatooine, who only does good things because that’s what her masters ask of her. All of her powerful agency from the previous two movies were completely removed to make her a perfect spotless heroine. I wanted so much to see where she went, what she would do, how she would go on, but there’s no growth, there’s no hope. She started all alone on a desert planet and ended all alone on a desert planet, except this time, she’s got half a soul, a collection of items that aren’t hers(she stole BB-8???), and a name from a man she had believed to be a myth before she actually fought against because he made poor choices and ran away in cowardice. What good did her entire journey do her? It traumatized her and left her with superpowers, but in a situation horribly similar to the nightmare of her childhood? Is that what we’re selling as hopeful? That you get to be the hero of the broken, beaten, and damned, but you will never escape your childhood horrors? Your spotless heroine is a horror story, telling you that no matter how hard you fight, how much you grow, how much you achieve, you don’t get to reap the rewards, all of your actions benefit everyone except for you.
February Reylo Fic Recap
February was chaotic! It started out beautiful with tons of energy to write, then I got hit with the sick, then I got over it, and then I was in a car accident. It was fun. Anywho, if you didn’t see it, check out January’s fic recap. As for what I wrote in February?
Abilities Deemed Unnatural got another chapter. It’s a “What if Rey died on Exegol?” so angst, but it’s got a planned HEA.
Dismantled, my Reylo mpreg, got another chapter, and another one in my drafts! It’s the fluffiest mpreg, and according to comments, it’s “not cringey”.
He’s Gotta Go Check On Her is a sequel to my fic Rey Has a Cold, and it’s where Ben crosses the Galaxy to check on a sick Rey.
I licked it, it’s mine is my Valentine’s fic this year. It’s an au where Rey is a feral sand goblin and Ben is a clean pristine Senator. Rey lays her claim on Ben, because I just wanted
Written in My Hand is a soulmate mark au, beginning in TFA, where their soulmate mark is their soulmate’s name written in their soulmate’s handwriting on their arm. Them knowing that they’re soulmates from the very beginning changes everything.
Yes I'm Wearing Your Shirt: You've Been Mostly Dead is a Post-TROS Fix-It fic where Ben lives, just delayed. I just wanted to have a fic where Ben asks Rey if she’s wearing his shirt.
Rey Crashes a Speeder is a happily ever after post everything au where a speeder crash is the worst thing that happens in Ben and Rey’s daily lives. It’s a pure comfort fic, because I crashed my own car and needed to process emotions. So you get a tender fic of Ben comforting Rey.
April Reylo Fanfic Recap
April went by so fast! I’ve had a lot of inspiration this month, and I wrote a lot, but it looks like I only got one thing published this month. I’m super proud of it, though! It’s the first chapter for my Tangled/Rapunzel AU with over 5,000 words!
Down from the Tower: A Rapunzel AU, where Kylo Ren is the lost prince stuck in the tower.
Behind the scenes? I’ve been writing loads, nothing ready to publish, though. Glancing through my drafts? 7 different fics. There were 7 different drafts that I’ve been working on this month, not including that 5,000 word monster of a chapter that I did publish. So hopefully I’ll be able to get some fic out there this next month!
Also, totally missing Caught by Crystals. It was so fricking good. I’m happy it’s finished, but I didn’t realize that I would miss writing it so much! It was such a good au. So if you’re looking for something different, or haven’t read it yet, go jump on it. That one is 70,000 words of supernatural nonsense. Complete!
Have you missed my writing? Check out my monthly fic recaps.
