@purocorde ↹ ❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜
TEETH GRIT, SALIVA SOURS & SAM ISN'T SURE WHETHER HE'LL SCREAM OR COLLAPSE. It's not her fault-- not really; not at all. It was HIS. It was Sam’s fault he couldn't save his brother, Sam's fault Dean had been put in this situation in the first place ; Sam's fault for having been stupid enough to think there would be a way to stop his brother from biting the big one and ending up on a bullet train to HELL. How could he have been so naive? What chance had they stood against Lilith anyway? Ancient and all powerful ; god only knew how long she'd been piloting Ruby's meat suit-- god, yeah like he had anything to do with this. "..stop." It's a whisper at first, barely audible through the hoarse vocal chords, swollen lids cast once more toward ground; stained and assaulted by the barrage of salted tears the youngest only living Winchester had let slip. "...just fucking stop." More power now, chest heaving; a shudder as he catches himself and raises forest shaded hues to meet her own. She's only trying to help-- but it's her undying compassion and sympathy for the university drop out that's made her such an easy target; something to lash out against-- a vessel for which Sam might take out his loss. He'll regret it in the morning, but grief and guilt are two convincing mistresses and with their haughty tendrils wrapped thick around his heart Sam has no choice but to let loose-- to unleash the beast and relieve some of that tumultuous pressure.
"Nothing I could have done? Really, Lana? Is that your best shot? If it wasn't for me, Dean would still be here! He'd still be alive! I'M the reason my brother is DEAD-- and not just that! But being tortured in hell! Nothing I could have done?! I could have tried harder-- I should have. I should have-- I could have stayed at Stanford, fuck! None of this would have happened if I had! . . . god I bet Dad would still be alive if I had--" Ocean streams pour from moss shaded hues, once upon a time Sam might have tried to hide it-- but not now; not when the wound was so very fresh. Dad, Jess, Dean-- everyone Sam had ever felt close to vanished, erased from his life like a typo in a bad script. Perhaps it was poetic then to cut Lana out-- sever ties once and for all ; punish himself properly for his cardinal sin-- existence.
He's quiet for a while, a pause of pregnant breath as hands meet eyes and wipe away evidence of shattered soul. ". . . you should go. . . we're done here." It's curt; cold-- distant in a way Sam's never felt the need to be with her; not Lana-- the only other person outside of Dean he could count on with his life. Shoulders square and back turns, IF TEMPERATURE COULD BE EXPRESSED THROUGH BODY LANGUAGE, LANA WOULD HAVE EXPERIENCED A SEVERE CASE OF FROST BITE.