“Do you know why you’re here Mr. Tonks?”
Ted didn’t move. He felt Andy’s hand tighten around his, but he resisted the desire to squeeze it back. You’re doing the right thing Teddy Boy. She needs to let you go. You’re no good to her. You’ll just get her killed. It was true. He’d never brought his wife anything but heartache. Loving him had meant she’d lost everything. Her family, the wealth that allowed her to live the life she deserved. They were always running. It would never end. If he stayed here though, she’d be safe.
“Please Ted…come on just say something. Anything.”
Her voice was so soft…so sad. She didn’t know. Couldn’t know that he was a murderer or she wouldn’t be there. She would have already left.
“Mr. Tonks do you remember patrolling with Mr. Weasley?” He’d never forget. What kind of question was that? He was here because of that night. Because he was a murderer and this was where he belonged. “They suspect that there were three Death Eaters. You immobilized one.”
Ted stared straight ahead, unblinking, but behind his eyes, that night played over and over and over again…
The attack had happened so quickly he still couldn’t recall all of the details. They’d been patrolling. Not even a particular dangerous area, just Diagon Alley. Arthur had been recounting a job earlier in the day when he’d been called out to fix a jinxed oven when the masked figures had ambushed them. He’d been improving his skills thanks to some tips from Moody, and so he’d advanced on one with more determination than he’d once had. He’d actually felt confident. So much so that he won. The first death eater collapsed as ropes twined around his body, holding him still.
Arthur was still fighting though, so he turned to help when his friend shouted something. He’d just started to twist when Arthur’s body slammed into his, knocking him to the ground. He rolled, lifting his wand, but the figures were gone. It was just he and Arthur once again. “They’re gone Art. We gotta—“ He drifted off as he realized that Arthur hadn’t moved. In fact he was still laying pretty heavily on his legs. Licking his lips, he scooted a little more, reaching out tentatively. “Art?” The hand closing around his heart squeezed tighter and Ted scrambled out from beneath his friend’s limp body, scrabbling forward on his ands and knees as he pushed him back.
“No…no come on Art. Tell me you weren’t that stupid mate.” He pressed his fingers to the man’s neck and shook his head. “No.” Belatedly he looked at the man’s face and his lungs seized when he was met by wide glassy eyes. “Oh Merlin no.” But the hoarse whisper couldn’t undo reality.
He sat back, pulling at his hair as the world spun around him. "Fuck! Why would you do that Art? You’ve got…no…" He shook his head again and lunged forward to grab him by the upper arms to shake him roughly. "Wake up mate. You can’t be dead. I…you can’t be dead." He whispered brokenly, but Arthur didn’t move. Didn’t blink, or offer him that crooked easy going grin, and the world stuttered to a halt.
Blindly he dragged the other man’s body up, wrapping his arms around him, shoulders shaking. “You can’t go. You’re my big brother. Please…” He pleaded raggedly, oblivious to the tears tracking down his face. //Told you didn’t I Teddy boy. I told you to stay home. That you weren’t war material and that you’d get someone killed. Now look what you’ve done. Some best friend you are.//
He rocked slowly back and forth, the hand crushing his heart mercilessly. “What am I gonna’ do without you Art?” He demanded huskily, part of him hoping his friend would just start breathing, pat him on the back, and tell him everything would be alright. Instead the other man’s body just seemed to cool in his grasp, and as that warmth fled his body, it dragged Ted down with it. Arthur had never been just a friend. He’d been a brother. Art had given him courage in a world he didn’t understand. He’d been there for every major event in his life, and in turn, Ted had been there for his. When he needed to talk, Art was always there. And now he was gone and it was his fault. He’d done this.
“Ted?” How long had that voice been calling him? “Ted we have to move his body. We need to get out of here or people will start panicking, and we need to tell Molly. I need to know what happened.”
It was Frank. “I killed him.” He didn’t see the young auror’s brows fly upward, just rambled on, “It’s my fault.” He lifted reddened blue-grey eyes to meet Frank’s. “I killed him, Frank.”
Frank sighed softly and glanced at the auror behind him. “Have someone go get Andy.” Stepping forward, he knelt beside the two men. “Hold tight to him Ted, I’m going to move us to St. Mungos.” Ted curled his friend tighter into his arms barely noticing when the world shifted around them.
“Mr. Tonks?” There was a soft sigh from across the room. “I’m sorry Mrs. Tonks, but I think that will have to be enough for today.”
“W-what about Dora? You said—“
“I’m just not sure its in her best interest.”
They were going to bring in Dora. Merlin he couldn’t withstand that, and they had to know…had to understand. “I killed him.” His voice was little more than a husky whisper in the room but it immediately drew the attention of the two arguing women. He turned his head slowly to find them both staring at him and repeated the words.
The healer shifted back toward him, watching as Andy practically jumped across the room. “You keep saying that. Can you tell me why Mr. Tonks?”
He didn’t look at the healer, but instead focused on Andy, hoping she’d understand why he couldn’t leave. “The shot was aimed for me. Art he…he pushed me out of the way. It shouldn’t have been him Andy. It should have been me. I shouldn’t have even been out patrolling. I’m useless in the field. I’m not fast enough…not effective enough. He’s dead because of me.” He couldn’t seem to stem the flood he’d had bottled up for the last week. All he could see were Art’s glassy eyes. Before he realized what had happened, Andy had climbed into his lap to wrap her arms around him, and he couldn’t keep himself from clinging to her. “He’s dead because of me Andy.”
She shook her head, brushing his wild tangled hair back from his face. “No Ted, he’s dead because of a death eater. He saved you because you were his brother, and we both know you would have done the same thing. Would you have wanted him to lock himself up in here if you’d died so he could live?”
“Its not the same Andy. Art was brave. He was smart and courageous and… it’s not fair. It shouldn’t have been him.”
“No, its not fair, but it cannot be undone and you waste his sacrifice if you hide out in here.” The words were harsh, but true. She stared up at him, a combination of desperation and determination in her eyes willing him to let go.
He stared at her for a heartbeat, and then crushed her to him. “I’m gonna miss him so much.” He whispered brokenly.
“I know baby…I know.” She hugged him tight, brushing her hands gently through his hair and over his shoulders.
He clutched her to his chest, but he knew she was right. It was time to leave St. Mungos, but he knew life would never be the same. His best friend and brother was gone…his life snuffed out so Ted’s could go on. There was no way to heal that wound. He’d have a hole his heart forever, and deep down he would always know that the Death Eater’s aim had been more true than anyone realized, for he could have done no greater damage that night. No wound was more egregious than the loss of a friend and brother…
