i’ve been burying myself in the many loves i have for things to fill the void you left behind.
Comic Book things: deadpool, batfamily, DC TV and cartoons...
Music: guitar, ajikan, arctic monkeys, snow patrol, ed sheeran...
Gaming: a lot of fire emblem, persona, final fantasy, mmos...
Anime: an arguably unhealthy amount of gundam, evangelion, .hack...
Movies: solanin, when harry met sally, deadpool (again), 500 days of summer, pacific rim...
i was into these things long before i met you, but going over all of them again... i see why i fell so head over heals for you. you subtly embody all the reasons why i love these things so much. your voice, your skin, the way you looked at me, the way you looked at yourself, how you embraced the things you loved... there was absolutely no way i could not resist you.
like the batfam, you judge yourself harshly on the things you fall short on, the decisions you make, your own frailty... and you find it hard to forgive yourself. but like the batfam, once these things happen, yeah, you’re instinct is to run away... but you find yourself running back to face them and make the hard choices necessary to better yourself, for yourself and others.
like the flashfam, your family isn’t just defined by blood. it’s by bond. and when everyone may not fully understand your reasons, you know and love them enough to trust that they are willing to trust you to see your decisions through to the end.
you’re constantly pursuing a version of yourself that is bigger than the giant robots you love, even though a lot of the time you feel smaller than the actual pilot.
and like deadpool you’d share laughter even if it’s a horrible joke. just... without murder.
i drowned myself in these things to fill the space in my life that used to be you. instead i got reminded of how much everything i’ve been through and fell in love with has been leading me to you.
you’re still the best thing to ever happen to me. and i want so much for you to be happy. at the end of all of this, your happiness is paramount, even if that doesn’t include me.
^^^ doesn’t mean i won’t stop trying though. i’m still very much in love with you. and i still very much want to be THAT part of your life. I will keep doing what i am doing. waiting patiently for you to come back. i’ll keep sending memes, cats, bears, sharks, and tagging you in things... leaving them like shells on the ocean floor leading you home. i’ll keep doing it until i know for sure that i’m not going to be that part of your story because i don’t want anything less than that.
