#qpr kandreil

[pixelated-homunculus]

Kevin Day, who has never been in love and doesn’t think he ever will be.

Kevin Day, who told people he wasn’t interested in dating for so long because he had to “focus on the court,” but it was also because he couldn’t comprehend the idea of it.

Kevin Day, who starts dating Thea and cannot figure out why he doesn’t like her. Because she is perfect. She is beautiful and smart and good at Exy. And he just… doesn’t like her.

Kevin Day, who is a decent friend and a terrible boyfriend. Who struggles to understand the difference between dating and friendship. Who finds that he honestly doesn’t care to figure it out.

Kevin Day, who has never been in love and likely never will be. Who grew up in a world that drilled the idea of heterosexuality into his head. A world that didn’t even think to suggest there were people who didn’t feel anything at all.

Kevin Day, who, from ages 9 and on, grows up thinking something inside him is broken. Because everyone, even Riko, has crushes. And he has never felt any sort of attraction before. Kevin Day, who tells everyone that he sees no point in relationships because the court is his priority. Not because it’s the truth (though it is, in some way), but because it is so much easier to pretend he is just single-minded than to tell people that something in him is wrong.

Kevin Day, who starts dating Thea because he is convinced that’s the correct step. Who thinks he has to make himself love her because he SHOULD love her. She’s perfect, after all. She’s beautiful, and smart, and good at Exy. Kevin Day, who slowly comes to the realization that he just… can’t.

Kevin Day, who’s an okay friend and a horrible boyfriend. Who, as he realizes he can’t “fix” himself, begins to pull away from his girlfriend so that she never finds out he’s wrong.

Kevin Day, who feels so relieved when Thea breaks up with him. Who is almost happy when it happens. Because now, now no one will get close enough to figure out what he’s hiding.

Kevin Day, who cannot tell the difference between romantic relationships and friendships. Who spends hours trying to figure out why Andrew looks at Neil like that, and when it began to be romantic.

Kevin Day, who watched Andrew and Neil fall in love and feels real grief because of it. Who mourns his idea of family, because it’s been tainted by something he can’t feel. Kevin Day, who is so afraid they’ll leave now that they have each other. Kevin Day, who has never been in love, but thinks that, if he could, it would be with Neil and Andrew.

Kevin Day, who takes years and years to realize he was never broken.

Kevin Day, who finally feels comfortable in his own skin, doodling little aromantic flags with highlighters and pencils into his journals.

Kevin Day, who is finally okay with being himself

[someone-else-reading13]

Neil thought he should be impressed, but all he felt was bitterness.

i’ve been laughing/crying at this page for like 10 whole minutes. neil was like “i want what these bitches have” and yeah buddy, me too.

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

No but imagine kevin and neil facetiming during night practice after kevin goes pro because neither of them are used to practicing alone. Andrew is there because of course he is.

Neil would set up a laptop on the home bench and Andrew would sit down beside it to watch both kevin and neil practice amd they'd come up and talk to him during breaks

Even after andrew graduates he still joins the call to watch them. Night after night, without fail, he watches them play.

And sometimes, on sleepless nights, neil sits near a window at the tower, calls kevin and just- talks. Talks about exy, about classes, about how the new freshmen are hopeless and andrew's new coach reminds him of wymack.

How neil took a younger fox to exites, and how it reminded him of when kevin took him to buy a new racquet. How nicky used to make them tea on quiet nights and aaron would begrudgingly sit down beside neil with a stack of notes from class.

Some nights kevin would sit in the little balcony of his apartment, warm blanket around his shoulders, and call andrew. And sometimes they'd rest in comfortable silence, each other's prescenece was all they needed.

Other times andrew would let kevin talk about whatever historical period he was obsessed with that the time. Letting his words wash over him and fill and soften the tense silence of the night. Andrews shoulders would relax for the first time that night, his heart would calm, he'd sink into the comfort that was kevin, right tbere on the other end of the line, fully prepared to stay all night, morning practice be damned.

The first night kevin comes back home to palmetto, he sleeps in the monsters' dorm. No one says a word about it. And no one mentions how this is the most well rested neil has been in weeks.

The first time kevin and neil practice together after kevin went pro? No one dares come between them. Even as andrew took his place at the goal.

They snap back together as of they'd never been apart. They weave around each other, perfecting each impossible pass and play. Kevin taught neil every new trick and drill. Andrew stood immovable at the goal, seemingly ignoring kevin's proud (and a little smug) smile and neil's open grin, making the the striker duo struggle for every goal. Andrew's patience would soon run out, the next night he would simply watch from the bleachers. But for now, he indulged them.

Come morning they'd have to acknowledge the fact that their time was short. Some they'd all be pulled apart into different worlds, different courts, so far away from home, but that was tomorrow.

Tonight there were here. Tonight they were home.

[pixelated-homunculus]

Neil Josten, who has only ever kissed a girl, who didn’t even like it enough to warrant trying again.

Neil Josten, who was beat by his mother for looking a bit too long at kids his age, who wasn’t given the chance to explore his sexuality but is realizing that there wasn’t much there to begin with.

Neil Josten who is surprised when he considers Andrew in that way.

Neil Josten, who doesn’t feel attraction to him at first. Who doesn’t even realize that’s what he’s feeling until Andrew spells it out for him. Who does not know what it’s like to be attracted to people like that.

Neil Josten who’s coming to the understanding that you can’t beat attraction out of people. That his mother wasn’t the reason he didn’t spare a glance at people as he got older. That it’s a him thing. Because he never once felt like this with anyone before now. And kissing never felt like this.

Andrew Minyard who hates that he feels attraction. Who has a complicated relationship with physical attraction.

Andrew Minyard who has slowly come to accept that part of him bit by bit. Who can finally see that being gay wasn’t because he was assaulted as a child. That it’s not and has never been his fault; that he’s not like them.

Andrew Minyard who, even after accepting his attraction, does not get crushes. Who stares at his brother every time he shows interest in dating a girl, because he can’t understand why.

Andrew Minyard who doesn’t care enough to try to understand. Who is perfectly happy with hook-ups. Who sees romantic relationships as something disgusting.

Andrew Minyard who thinks, deep inside, that he might be wrong. That maybe they did break something in him. That he is incapable of love, something that is supposedly the most human feeling. Andrew Minyard who covers that fear up with knives and fake smiles and threats.

Andrew Minyard who meets Neil Josten and does not think he is anything different. Who slowly starts feeling things he didn’t before. Who finds himself confused by the knots in his stomach when he says to himself that Neil is just someone he’s attracted to, because it feels wrong somehow. In a way it has never felt before.

Andrew Minyard who is convinced the medication has finally broke him. That it has started making him feel things he doesn’t.

Andrew Minyard who dreads returning to Palmetto because he thinks he won’t feel it anymore. Because he’s grown too attached to the idea of liking him to go back and feel nothing again.

Andrew Minyard who is surprised when he sees Neil. Not because of the change in appearance, though that does intrigue him, but because there’s still that feeling.

Andrew Minyard who begins to wonder if maybe he was never broken in the first place.

Kevin Day who does not understand attraction. Who is confused by the concept of crushes as a child and bewildered by the idea of attraction as a teen.

Kevin Day who excuses his lack of crushes with his love of Exy. Who never has to deal with his lack of feelings because he simply does not notice their importance. They do not have relationships in the Nest. He is not pressured to date by Riko (quite the opposite in fact). He doesn’t see his lack of those feelings as anything other than logical; why would he date when that’s time he could be spent practicing?

Kevin Day who sleeps with Thea in front of Riko and finally understands that he doesn’t feel something others do. Who lays there, bored, wishing this would go faster so he could practice his shots.

Kevin Day who starts noticing the differences between himself and others after that. Who sees his future teammates sneaking off with people after practice. Who is no longer just annoyed but also concerned. Even more so when Riko starts talking about the issues with gay people on their team.

Kevin who starts feeling shame over it for the first time in his life.

Kevin who starts dating Thea because he thinks it’s what people expect of him. That he SHOULD like her; she’s good at Exy and smart and, objectively, pretty.

Kevin Day who is an awful boyfriend because he does not see the point in relationships. Who sees Thea only as a means to an end and not a meaningful relationship.

Kevin Day who does not feel any different in these fields when he meets Andrew and Neil, but still feels… safe.

Kevin Day who will likely never experience attraction but still finds himself drawn to Andrew and Neil more than other people.

Kandreil who do not experience attraction like most other people, but find love (in whatever form) in each other.

Kandreil who live with each other as adults but do not put extraneous labels on each other because they know who they are and what they are to each other, even if that confuses other people.

Kandreil who are not and never have been broken, to any degree.

Kandreil who don’t owe anyone an allo relationship because it would make them any more “comfortable”

Aro-ace Kandreil who are finally happy in their own skin and wouldn’t give that up for the world.