Musrio stood on the balcony outside his lab, overlooking the world beneath his terrace. The night was quiet; snow blanketed the forest before him, turning the woods silver and silent. Not a creature stirred below as the stars glimmered above; they, too, were silent for once, Musrio thought. Despite the freezing wind biting his bare skin, he didn’t move. Although the night was hushed, the air around him felt thick and heavy, almost tense, like a cord stretched taunt.
The necromancer leaned on the balustrade, his chin in his hand as he watched the moons slowly rise. His free hand toyed with his amulet, his eyes half closed in thought. A rumble was in his throat, though it was unclear if he was growling or purring.
He’d kept himself cooped up in his lab for the past several nights, going over old journals and works and photos- very, very old photos. The last few nights, questions had haunted him, tormenting him stronger than the ghosts that hung in his presence, unseen to all but his own eyes. Finally, now, he felt ready to confront these proverbial phantoms at their source.
He flinched at the soft knock on his lab’s door, before it creaked open.
“Mush? Is everything ookay?” Drayco peered around the door, their ferret on their shoulder. “I goot yoour text, are yoou alright?”
“Dee... we need to txlk.”
“Ooh, ookay. Aboout?” Drayco stepped into the room, looking around; they’d never been in the lab before. They’d been strictly banished from it, in fact, so this felt a little odd. Adjusting the backpack on their shoulders- in which their air tank sat- they walked out onto the balcony. Lucifer, the ferret, snuggled into the hood of Drayco’s hoodie. As they stepped out onto the landing, the air suddenly became much warmer; without having to ask, Drayco guessed it was Musrio’s doing so their lungs wouldn’t be hurt by the cold.
“Us.” Musrio said shortly, refusing to look at them still. Drayco raised their eyebrows, surprised. Glancing around, they noticed a chair had appeared out of no where, next to their leg. Grateful, they sank into it.
“Ookay... what aboout us?” They asked carefully, slinging their bag off and onto the ground. They pressed their mask harder against their face and inhaled deeply. Musrio tried to hide his wince as he heard the guttural, bubbly sound in their chest.
“...”
“Mush?”
“Sorry, just... getting my thoughts in order.” Musrio inhaled deeply, letting out a sigh through his nose. After another minute of silence, he finally spoke. “Dee, you xnd I, we’re... we’re pretty fucked up, xren’t we?” Drayco blinked, surprised.
“I... yeah, I suppoose.” They agreed, unsure where this was going. Musrio nodded, looking down at the forest.
“... Do you know whxt todxy is?”
“Quadrant day.”
“Yexh.”
“Soo?”
“So-” He sighed again, agitated. “Fuck, Dee, I don’t know. I cxn’t get my hexd to shut up so I cxn sxy whxt I wxnt. Ribbit. I just-” He hissed, reaching up to rake his claws through his hair. Drayco pursed their lips; they’d never say it out loud, but they liked seeing Musrio like this- it was nice to see Musrio actually expressing his emotions, instead of keeping them bottled up. The rustblood stilled, before he finally turned to look at them. “Dee, do you... do you ever doubt your own existence?” He asked quietly. Drayco frowned; that was certainly a loaded question, but they understood what he meant.
“Yeah, I doo.” They admitted, “Hoow coould I noot?” Musrio nodded, looking quietly relieved. He dug his claws into the banister and pulled himself up onto it, sitting on the edge. He raised his head into the breeze that swept by, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment.
“Drxyco?”
“Yeah?”
“Whxt do you think of me?”
“Think oof yoou?”
“Yes. Your true xnd honest opinion. Plexse. Ribbit.”
Drayco swallowed, looking down at their lap. So that was it, huh. Steeling themself, they gripped their pajama pants.
“Yoou knoow my feelings, Mush.” They began quietly, “I... I loove yoou. I always have. I always will. Yoou’re always in my thooughts, even when I doon’t want yoou too be. But I knoow yoou doon’t feel the same, and I’ve made my peace with that; I hurt yoou, and I doon’t deserve yoour foorgiveness.” Swallowing, they took a shaky breath as their own bottle cracked and shattered in their chest. They suddenly couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of their mouth.
“And I’m reminded oof just hoow badly I hurt yoou,” They continued, staring fixedly at their feet, “every time I looook at yoou. I remember the pain I caused yoou, every time I looook in yoour eyes and see that pain reflected in them. I destrooyed everything we’d made toogether.” They reached up, gripping their right shoulder, where their tattoo was concealed by their sleeve. “... It was all my fault that oour lives fell apart, I knoow it was. It might have been the Black Hand that fucked me up, but I was still the oone who made the chooices. Noo amoount oof saying ‘I’m soorry’, oor gifts, oor anything, will make up foor what I did.
And maybe it means I’m an idioot, but I still want too try. I knoow you doon’t want that, thoough. I see it in yoour face; yoou’re still afraid oof me, right?” They raised their head. Musrio flinched and looked away, his grip tightening on the banister. Drayco grimaced and bowed their head again; just as they thought. “... Yoou’re afraid I’ll turn oon yoou again. I toorture yoou with very presence.” Their throat suddenly became tight and they swallowed, taking an unsteady breath, “Yet yoou let me intoo yoour hive.” They continued, “Yoou broought me back, and yoou stick aroound me. I doon’t understand yoou anymore; yoou’re noot the Musrioo I knew anymoore, either, but yoou’re... yoou’re still the Musrioo I want.
... I can’t sleep when I remember yoour smile, Mush. The smile I never see anymoore, because I tooook it away. I can’t foocus when yoou’re aroound, because I have too stoop and watch yoou; yoou coommand my every attentioon when yoou’re in the same roooom. When I see yoou, my thinkpan gets all stupid, and all I can think oof is hoow I want too hear yoour laugh again.” They fell silent for a moment, and Musrio waited. Eventually, they took another breath and continued, “I want too hoold yoou again, Mush. I want too kiss the scar oon yoour noose while we watch shitty actioon moovies. I want too take yoou too cooncerts again soo we can scream toogether. I want too lay beside yoou in yoour coooon as we giggle aboout dumb shit. I want too play games with yoou and-” They sighed, burying their face in their hands; their cheeks were on fire, but not even embarrassment could stop this faucet now that it was on.
“Fuck. I want too start oover, Mush. Just- start it all oover again. I hurt yoou, and yoou hate me, and I deserve it. Yoou oowe me noothing, and I oowe yoou everything. ... Yoou did everything foor me back then. Yoou tooook me too every appoointment, stuck with me in every hoospital stay, and never gave up oon me. And hoow doo I repay yoou?” They asked, sounding disgusted, before they answered their own question with a mournful resignation, “With my fists.” They finally raised their head again to look at the rustblood.
“That’s why I’ve been soo afraid too say oor doo anything too try and fix this- this shitty situatioon we’re in; I’m scared I’ll chase yoou away, that I’ll scare yoou if I make the wroong moove. Soo... soo if yoou want me too goo, I understand coompletely. The mooment yoou say yoou doon’t want me aroound, I’m goone. I’ll leave, and yoou’ll never have too deal with me again, because I get it; I’m noothing but an emootioonal burden oon yoou.” Their grip on their shoulder tightened, bronze tears glazing their eyes. They blinked rapidly, startled by their presence.
Sensing his master’s irregular breathing, Lucifer poked his head out of the hood and squeaked, concerned. Drayco swallowed past the lump in their throat and reached up to reassure their pet. Silence fell between the two trolls as Drayco braced themself for the berating that was sure to come. But Musrio was silent, staring at them with a grief-stricken face.
“... You think I hxte you?” He asked finally, his voice cracking; the distress in his voice made Drayco look up.
“Oof- oof coourse I doo. Hoow coould yoou noot hate me?” They croaked. Musrio blinked; Drayco was stunned to see he had tears in his own eyes. The rustblood slid from his perch and slowly approached. Drayco leaned back, tensing in their seat as Musrio crouched next to their chair. After a moment’s hesitation, he put his hand on Drayco’s knee.
“I don’t hxte you, Drxyco.” He whispered, his voice catching in his throat, “I cxn’t. I’ve tried so hxrd to hxte you, but- I cxn’t. I...” He suddenly crumpled onto his knees, his hand balling up the fabric of Drayco’s pants as he bowed his head. “I tried. I tried so hxrd. I blxmed you for everything, I tried to trxin myself to hxte you. But I cxn’t, so... I txught myself to hxte me instexd. Ribbit.” The absolute heartbreak in his voice made Drayco’s throat close up. Their hands balled into fists on their thighs as they resisted the urge to touch the trembling troll before them.
“I cxn’t hxte you.” Musrio repeated, pressing his brow to Drayco’s knee, the tension suddenly gone from his body, “I- I love you too much to hxte you. Fuck, Drxyco, I- fuck. Fuck!” He gasped, squeezing his eyes shut as tears brimmed behind his eyelids. They slid down his face, only to soak into Drayco’s clothes. “Drxyco, I- I wxnt to hold you, too- I- I need you, too. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so fucking sorry-” He was openly crying now, his shoulders trembling with sobs, “I’m scxred, Drxyco, you- you’re right. I’m fucking terrified, but- but not of you- Drxyco, Dee, I’m- I’m xfrxid to be without you. Ribbit.
I cxn’t stxnd it xnymore. I’m so scxred, so fucking scxred of being xlone, Dee, but I keep pushing you xwxy to torment myself, becxuse I don’t deserve you.” He sobbed, strangling off his own words. He took several quick, shaky breaths to get his voice back. When it returned, he went suddenly still, his words no more than a whisper, “I’m so tired of hiding it, Dee. I’m so tired, xnd I hxve been for x long time; xll I wxnt is rest, but I cxn’t hxve it. Ribbit. There’s too much to do- too much noise, too much light, too much of- everything. Xll I wxnt is to lxy beside you xgxin, in the dxrk xnd silence, xnd I don’t know why. So I hide it xll behind lies xnd x mxsk xnd- I’m just broken, Dee, behind it xll. I’m- I’m just x broken fool who runs from whxt I don’t uderstxnd.”
“Musrioo...”
“Xnd I cxn’t understxnd you, Dee. I hurt you, just xs much xs you hurt me. Fuck, I killed you bxck then; your blood still stxins my hxnds. So- so why do you stxy?” He finally raised his head, his grip on their pants tightening. “Why the fuck do you stxy?” He rasped. Drayco impulsively reached down, cupping Musrio’s tear-soaked face. The rustblood froze, trembling like a frightened rabbit in their hands.
“Because we’re the same, Mushy.” They whispered, tears streaking unbidden down their own face, “Because we’re booth brooken. Because we hurt each oother, because we booth want too run away. But we’re like magnets; we’re drawn too each oother, at the same time we’re repulsed. We’re booth loonely and scared and coonfused, toooo afraid too loove and toooo afraid too be aloone.” Musrio swallowed, reaching up to grip Drayco’s hand. “We’re booth brooken, Mushy.” They whispered, “We’ve just goot too put each oother back toogether, put oour pieces in their places again. I want too fix yoou, too heal what I did too yoou; but I can’t if yoou woon’t let me.” Musrio’s eyes widened slightly, before he squeezed them shut; his throat worked as he tried to speak, but words failed him in that moment.
“Mushy.” Drayco whispered, making him open his eyes again. Drayco smiled so gently, so softly and so sweetly, as they slowly slid their thumb across Musrio’s cheek to wipe his tears. “Let me fix yoou. Please. I- I want too be yoour matesprit, Musrioo Almawt, soo I can put yoou back toogether. Please... let me. Please doon’t shut me oout anymoore.” They pleaded, their voice barely more than a whisper. Musrio stared into their copper-orange eyes for a long time, before he nodded slowly.
“Okxy.” He croaked, blinking back fresh tears. “Okxy. I- I’ll let you.”
“Yoou’ll- yoou’ll be my matesprit?”
“Yes. I- I-” He struggled for a moment, taking a deep breath, “I love you, Drxyco.” The bronze smiled, reaching up to pull down their mask. They leaned down, their lips ghosting over the scar on Musrio’s nose.
“I loove yoou, toooo, Musrioo.” They whispered.
Musrio hiccuped, caught between a laugh and a sob, and clutched their fingers tighter. Drayco slid from their seat, falling to their knees beside him as they pushed their mask back on. They wrapped their arms around the rustblood, who clutched their hoodie and pulled them close. Lucifer squeaked indignantly at the jostling, but both trolls ignored him. Musrio buried his face in the crook between Drayco’s shoulder and neck, his shoulders shaking with repressed sobs; they weren’t of anguish this time, but relief, exhaustion from holding everything in for so long. Drayco was trembling, too, as they clutched Musrio’s robes.
After a long while, Drayco finally raised their head a little. “Yoou alright?” they murmured.
“Yexh. Ribbit.” Musrio mumbled, but made no move to release the other, “Just- just hold onto me x little longer, okxy? Plexse?” Drayco nodded, smiling quietly to themself as they laid their chin on Musrio’s shoulder.
“Sure. I’ll be here as loong as yoou need me, Mushy.”
Musrio pressed his face harder into their shoulder, sniffling as he drank in their scent. I’ll always need you, Dee, he thought. Just so long as you need me.
devean spends her time with faizah and ikky and ty, probably just being mushy and sappy with them.. she gets a bag of ty’s favorite candies and baklava for faizah and ikky. she prob takes ikky and ty out for a nice walk and holds their hands.. and then with faizah later she curls up in bed and they read a poetry book together...
ylvala got help from ikky to make a little frog necklace pendant out of scrap metal and gives it to yriila.... she mostly just goes on the picnic w her and eats the fuck outta those cupcakes... probably v shyly holds yriila’s hand walks around with her in smallcrest
akaash goes to the villa to hang out for most of the night and introduces himself to peps scalechildren.. just hangs out w pep and gets to know his lizards and stuff... prob gives pep a kiss on the cheek.... and then later he leaves and goes to hang out with nehmes and brings over rly nice steaks for them to eat
ikkran gives ty a little bat made out of wrapped wire and scrap metal.. and dev a flower made from the same. he’s mostly at the mercy of whatever they do but after dinner he takes out some fudge he made just for them (lil chili flakes in ty’s, lavender in devs) and just relaxes with them
oisinn spends as much time as they can w ronasi and the meme kittens... they give her a necklace a little deer horns as the pendant... fuck they probably confESS AAAAAHHH IM DYING GRIPS OISINN AND RONASI
niravi buys herself a ring w an amber stone and gets the citrine cibran brought her set into a necklace... she has a matching ring made w yellow sapphire but is too embarrassed to give it to cibran yet lmao.... she mostly just sticks to his side when she ventures out of her library for the night and snarks w him
happy belated quadrant apprec1at1on day everyone... };) here horuss 1 made you a card...
((Sorry these are so late! D: But I'm really happy that I was able to finish these before my birthday, which is actually tomorrow...! o<|:D I hope you all enjoy them! :)))
