#queer shame

[nerdygaymormon]

For queer people, love and relationships come with costs and risks

[joinvoda]

Moving Past Queer Shame

Reducing Queer Shame: A Guide to Embracing Your Authentic Self 💖🌈

Hey there lovely souls! 🌟

We all have stories and sometimes, they’re marred with shadows of shame.

Here’s a little guide on how we can embrace our queer identities with love and authenticity...

🌷 Understanding Our Childhood Shadows: A lot of us queer folks have these childhood memories where we were told to be more 'this' or less 'that'. Maybe some said we should "man up" or that our fashion choices were “too much”. Sound familiar?

🍀 The Manifestation of Shame: It's heartbreaking when these shadows then slowly turn into self-stigma. The quiet voice that tells us to hide, to conform, or that we’re somehow wrong. This voice can remain with us for many years to come.

🔍 Recognising the Inner Critic: But over time, we can learn to build self-awareness. Next time you find yourself being judgmental to yourself, stop and reflect. Ask why that is. What’s that voice really saying? Whose voice is this really? Is it mine, or the internalised voice of someone else?

🌈 Choosing Love and Acceptance: Remember, there's nothing wrong with being your authentic self. Often, we forget the true nature of who we are, thinking we're somehow less than or not enough.

Emotionally accepting that might take a slow... therapy can be a good friend in this journey.

If you have queer shame and want to do something about it... We at Voda are on this journey with you. Check out the Voda app to try out programmes specifically designed to help reduce queer shame and be your authentic self, our app is designed with LGBTQIA+ therapists.

You can download Voda here.

Love and Light, Voda 💜🌈

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

I'm finding it increasingly hilarious that my parents absolutely hate that fashion is one of my favorite interests. They are going to increasing lengths of denial to try and 'explain away' to themselves/others the things I do related to it.

If I've been out drawing they always try and turn the conversation to still lifes or landscapes - things I have never done and have next to zero interest in.

If I've been reading fashion books they tell their friends how I 'read widely'

If I've been learning how to sew something specific its "but when would you ever wear that? Why would you need to know?" (Um, so I can make a spec one or eventually sell one!)

Recently I found out a fashion degree I could do that wouldn't cost much part time. They've been telling all their friends I will be doing a Masters in Business!

I'm a queer person in fashion. This is hardly earth shaking or boundary crossing 😅

I'm reminded of the posts when people who are far into their transition go out for meals with family in denial and servers think the family members are clearly mentally unwell for describing someone as obviously something they're not. I have visions of myself working in fashion full-time and my parents coming into the store and denying it is what it is!

I'm not even annoyed by it now because it's so blatantly avoidant for no reason whatsoever. It's not like I'm bragging about doing e.g. sex work here - everybody engages with clothes!

[elphabaskufi]

I realize some people who believe coming out is redundant or being confident about your sexuality without "shouting it to the world" still have a lot of shame to unpack. Even people who seem so annoyed or laissez-faire when sexuality is brought up may skirt around the words "I like (insert gender or person of said gender)". Theres no need to "pick a label" if anyone don't want to but some people are just worried of the stigma or have lost vital people in their lives due to their existing. So it feels easier to distance themselves from terms like butch or any lgbtq identity because they're afraid of what others think but also the things we say to ourselves that no one hears. And so people backtrack. It happens and unfortunately some do it more publicly than others.

Yes it annoying to have people only bring it up or to have people speculate. That behavior can really also get someone to stay quiet or feel pressured and isn't okay. It is something else to bite your own tongue so hard with a smile on your face. But, thats not recognized as shame its only seen as "oh people are just invasive so I don't have to face it myself" instead of oh okay I'm afraid because this thing is seen as bad. Which I could rant about how bad=sin religious theology and "sex is bad rhetoric" etc. but I won't. This time.

I saw something recently about relationships and how there is a difference between private and secret. That's what seems to be happening with the whole hush hush sexuality era we're in and im afraid if we do that enough we'll end up "coming out is lame"-ing ourselves right back into closets, arranged lavender marriages (not talking bout the ppl who do it for family or benefits reasons), and a 1960s ad version of queer people. Squeaky and clean rainbows with the aesthetics of a radicalness that will no longer exist.

I guess the TLDR of this is:

From the non famous to the famous, old or young, rich or poor lgbtq people will turn scared at one point in their journey. Often because of society and community imposed shame but also the shame we internalize.

I've been there and maybe all queer people go through it in some way. Its something you've gotta face one day or you will never get to the freedom of truly not giving a flying fuck. Process it and love yourself wholly.

[helen--richardson]

Queer shame is so fucking wild. Especially when you can intellectually recognize that there is literally nothing wrong with being who you are, but you still just desperately wish that it wasn’t you. The cognitive dissonance. The doublethink. It’s like the whole “all bodies are beautiful (except mine)” or “all people are worthy of love (except me)” thing but turned up to eleven.

[projectqueer]

'Out in Left Field With Dana Goldberg': Dana, Jacob Tobia on Queer Shame

After discussing the latest on the trans military ban, Dana speaks with writer and producer Jacob Tobia (Transparent) on their struggle with queer shame.

[joinvoda]

What do we mean when we say “Queer”?

Within the colorful spectrum of LGBTQIA+ identities, the ‘Q’ represents ‘Queer’ or ‘Questioning.’ 

The use of the term “Queer” is sometimes controversial, because this term, once wielded as an insult, has been now been increasingly reclaimed as a unified, embracing term to represent the myriad identities within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.

“Reclamation is messy. ‘Queer’ bears a legacy of pain and empowerment. It’s been a weapon and a shield, a rejection and an embrace, a slur and a badge of honor.” - Learning for Justice

Some in the community dislike the normalisation of the world “queer” because it has a derogatory past; we vehemently condemn its use as a slur.

But over time, we can also learn to embrace ‘queer’ with respect and pride, using it as an inclusive term to represent our multifaceted community. 

To us, ‘queer’ represents any identity outside the realms of exclusive heterosexuality or cisgender norms.

Many of us alternate between using the terms ‘queer’ and ‘LGBTQIA+,’ recognising the term's versatility and its capacity to defy categorisation and to promote expansive and unbounded thinking.

Echoing the empowering chant from the Stonewall riots: 

"We're here, we're queer, get over it!"

If being queer feels overwhelming, we at Voda are here with you.

We’re the LGBTQIA+ mental health app and we have a variety of free features like queer-led meditations, daily mood check-ins, and a series of free self-guided therapy programmes on topics such as coming out, love, and gender dysphoria.

Please note that some programmes require a monthly subscription, we ensure that plenty of our features are available for free to the community, plus everything is accessible for free in the first 7 days.

However, if you are in need of mental health support, please feel free to send us a message as we have scholarships available. 

Everyone deserves access to mental health support and we’re here for you.

You can download Voda here.

Stay queer,

Voda 🌈💜