Okay so I've been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks, and this is gonna have some talk about my body and how I see myself, so heads up. I've always considered myself lucky bc I've been able to see and accept by identity for myself (nb) and it didn't matter what other people saw or thought of me bc my word was the only thing that mattered. That's what I thought. And it's true to an extent. I've started noticing recently that I never look in a full length mirror, I avoid mirrors that allow me to see myself from head to toe. If I'm getting ready I just look at my face to make sure I don't look like I've rolled out of bed (and most of the time I have) and I just go out with the thought that I look how I think I look in my head. And if I need to look at my body once in a while when I'm showering, I look at it as seperate from me? Like if I saw this body on someone else, I would say what a 10/10 body. Which brings me to the whole, do I like Boobs bc I like them on other people or bc I want them? Basically I'm just v confused bc I think I created a situation for myself where I've been avoiding it all together and thinking I'm cool? I mean, it's great for my mental health short term but idk what's happening long term. I went out a couple of weeks ago wearing a dress, and usually I wear skirts bc they're comfortable but it also means I can't see my bottom half from the oversized top I'm wearing so I don't really care. But this night I wore a dress for convenience and half way through the night I looked down and what I saw wasn't me. Like it was so insane, I definitely disassociated bc I couldn't stop thinking this is what others are seeing when they look at me. And it was just not an accurate representation of me. I don't remember that dress being that tight on me, maybe I wasn't paying attention. Sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to write it all down and see what came up.
