So... how do i start this... i guess this is now the big and mighty coming out?
Shortly. I am queer and i fall under the Asexual and sapphic spectrums. I will call myself a lesbian, but that's maybe not the whole truth (still kinda questioning). I also believe sexuality can change and will change overtime.
OH AND MIGHT I ADD, IF YOU KNOW ME IRL THIS IS NOT A THING YOU CAN GO AROUND TELLING ANYONE AND EVERYONE. I AM STILL NOT THAT OPENLY OUT, ALRIGHT?
Now that that's out of the way, into more detail under here: (and it is a long rant, so no pressure in reading it if you're not that interested)
I have been researching this topic and wondering a lot about if this really is me, if this is just a phase... well I'm still not sure. And i think its fine, i don't need to know fully rn. Also i believe that sexuality can and will change overtime.
First the easy part: i am Asexual and i have been for a while now. Ive identified in the asexual spectrum for around three to four years now. At first i identified as demisexual, but right now i feel like Asexual fits me better.
What is Asexuality?
- Asexuality means i do not have sexual attraction or i have very little of it. But it does not mean I'm not romantic. I am indeed very romantic as a person and i do want to experience romance and relationships. Only difference being that it's not going to be sexual in my case.
Second part: being sapphic or a lesbian. I'm still not completely sure which one suits me better. I'm not sure if i can imagine myself being with a man or if I'm even attracted to men.
What does being sapphic mean?
- It means that me a woman am romantically attracted to women. Being sapphic also includes sexual attraction but in my case of queer soup i only expirience romantic attraction.
- Sapphic also known as WLW (women loving women) is an umbrella term and includes also being bi/pan or anything else that includes other genders besides women and women.
I'm still figuring out if i like men or not. So, right now i would fall under the lesbian spectrum. But might i add, i am attracted to androgynous people and non binary folks. So a lesbian with a little spice. Meaning... queer soup.
(I love this term. Queer soup.)
In the end these shouldn't matter so much, but i think it feels like i belong somewhere when i get these points straight. So yeah. I am fruity as fuck, and i might update this at some point. Taking into consideration i still am a teenager and my frontal lobe is not fully developed yet. (Maybe it is a phase afterall... who knows.)
Anyways thank you for reading my rant and if there's any questions I'd feel happy to answer them in either the comments or my dms. (As long as they're like... yk. Reasonable and not you just hating on me)
Rn im going to sleep, we'll see how this post did in the morning (fr scared but here we go...)
So. I had an appointment for the school nurse earlier this week. We talked about stuff, we measured me and stuff like that.
Well, before this appointment i had to fill in a for that was about how you're feeling ect. And we had to pick a sad/happy face to represent our answer. I answered to the last question, which was about motivation and psychological health, with a sad face.
The nurse then asked me why is that? And i started to kinda regret putting it there. I just said idk and that my motivation has been gone for a long time and i amstressed. Well she started looking at my old report to find a cause for the stress.
APPARENTLY THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE NURSE I HAD SAID I KINDA LIKE BOYS AND GIRLS. And you know what? MY MOM CAN SEE THAT REPORT.
Well, the nurse asked me if there's been any changes to that. I mentioned being asexual and liking girls. I also mentioned I haven't had a crush on a boy for around three years. But I've had crushes on girls during that time. She wrote it down.
Well, when the appointment ended i asked her not to put my sexuality in the report that's visible to my parents. And i really hope she remembered to do that, because if my parents find out... i will not hear the end of it for a while.
