#queer spawn

[veryferaldistributions]

“My Two Dads” was Simply Ahead of its Time: A Short Essay by an Offspring of Same-Sex Parents

In 1987, the show “My Two Dads” premiered on NBC, staring Paul Reiser, Greg Evigan, Staci Keanan, and Florence Stanley. Nicole Bradford (Keanan) is a 12-year-old girl whose mother Marcy Bradford dies suddenly, and she is “willed” more or less to two men her mother was once in love with, Michael Taylor (Reiser) and Joey Harris (Evigan), who were lifelong friends before they fought over Nicole’s mother. Despite attempts at blood tests, the paternity of the child was never confirmed, and after a rocky start, Michael and Joey agree to live together and raise Nicole as a family.

What we have here is a simple, relatively family friendly, prime-time sitcom that shows a very positive interpretation of a kid with same-sex parents. And it is delightful.

I am speaking openly as a queer person raised by two mothers (now four w/step-moms). When I decided to try this, I was bracing myself for the absolute worst most offensive thing I’d ever seen.

And I swear to God, what I got instead is one of my new favorite shows of all time. The characters are lovable and well-rounded, the acting is great, the humor is actually funny, and, whether this was intentional or not, is one of the most progressive shows of its time.

I keep seeing people throwing around the word “homophobic” with this show, and I’m here to politely and firmly disagree with that. Instead, I will opt for the word “dated.” “My Two Dads” was still a product of its time, so I firmly believe many of the choices regarding Joey and Michael’s dating life were made to appease the censors. I never felt like any decision was made in malice to target the queer community. (Not to mention, I could/will make a whole LIST of reasons why Michael and Joey are 100% in love, if not an active couple, despite many attempts to convince the audience they are straight.)

I spent a good chunk of the show laughing to myself and saying “it’s like homosexuality doesn’t even exist in this universe” for how much NOBODY cares about Nicole having two dads or questioning why the dads live together. (Them being potentially gay is only questioned ONCE in the series.)

In the 90s and early 2000s, people never shut up with the questions once I told them I had two moms. I somewhat think this exclusion was also a writing tactic, not wanting Nicole to have to constantly repeat what the audience already knows.

There are jokes that haven’t aged amazingly well, but I feel like it was much more that the writers were ignorant as opposed to being active bigots.

I also really appreciated this show’s depiction of a kid who has a great and loving relationship with a parent she may not be or isn’t biologically related to. Nicole doesn’t care who her biological father is, and loves Joey and Michael equally. Again, as someone with two moms, I get really defensive over the notion that someone isn’t your real parent unless their DNA matches yours. (Side note, always say “biologically related to” as opposed to “REAL parent” whenever asking someone about their parentage. Please. It hurts every time.)

If I admittedly had one qualm about the show, I’d say it hasn’t aged amazing in terms of sexism. Throughout the whole show, it always felt like the women Michael and Joey dated were either complete jerks or bimbos. With the women they finally end up with being boring and rushed. And they also at one point have a female boss, and…it’s pretty bad. Nicole and Judge Margaret were great (Judge being my 2nd favorite character, behind Michael.), but other female characters not so much.

But overall, I really do love this show. It’s one of those really nice warm & fuzzy shows, too (Think “Full House” with slightly funnier writing. Yeah, I said it!). I really wish more queer viewers would try it.

[archdemonsblood]

I want to be the one who gets pregnant. But, like, in a butch way.

[veryferaldistributions]

Signs of Michael and Joey’s romantic relationship in M2D:

(In no particular order.)

* They live together and co-parent a child.

* Actually say aloud they want more kids. Together.

* Fostered a second child, for a brief period of time. Likely would have adopted him if the law permitted it. (Ooh, now I’m sad.)

* They call each other “babe.” Constantly.

* Michael’s whole speech to his mother defending his relationship with Joey as parents. Even bringing up that she’d be happier if he was married to a woman. It was treated deadly serious. No laugh track.

* Joey calls Michael’s mom his “mother-in-law.” And she calls him her “son-in-law.” Again, no laugh track for these comments.

* Mrs. Taylor being the almost stereotypical neurotic mother of a gay man. Think Mrs. Bates. (Sorry, Michael.)

* Joey’s father struggling to understand his son’s choices in life mirroring conversations parents have with their queer offspring.

* Nicole walking in on them “pillow fighting” in the “Joey’s MIL” episode. Joey was trying to suffocate Michael in anger, but the implication that they were having “adult time” was still obvious.

* Michael dressing up in drag as Joey’s pregnant wife (Felicia) with whom he has 10 children.

* They frequently touch each other. Clothes adjustments, face grabbing, friendly punches, pats on the back, etc.

* Constant winking comments like “does this mean we’re dating again?” “whatever happened to ‘honey, I’m home’?” and “how come you never send me roses?”

* Alludes to their separation as a “divorce” in “Pop, The Question.” Played almost completely straight.

* They go to a marriage counselor in the same episode.

* “We’re nothing like a married couple!”

“How would you describe your relationship?”

“We live together, we raise a kid, we fight like hell. So, what, every Thursday?”

* Are somewhat hesitant in their responses to the “are you gay?” question she poses. (Michael STILL calls Joey “babe” in their answers.)

* Them getting drunk in episode one and waking up in the same bed. Clothes on, granted, but still.

* Michael’s definition of a friend: “Friend- Someone I have seen naked!”

* “And you are?”

“Joey Harris. The other father.”

“Ah. Divorced?”

“No, we’re living together.”

* Are VERY easily guilt-tripped by Nicole into living together as a family instead of being separated co-parents.

* They have the gayest “straight” friends I’ve ever seen.

* Clearly the commentary in “The Family in Question” mirrors comments made about real-life same-sex parents. Mainly that the media is questioning two men’s ability to properly parent a child.

[veryferaldistributions]

The Blatantly Queer Episodes of “My Two Dads” (Another Short Essay)

So, there are essentially two episodes from the series that cemented in my mind that Joey and Michael are meant to be seen as a serious domestic couple, these being set aside from the MANY winks to the camera throughout the show’s run. These episodes are “The Only Child” and “Joey’s Mother-in-Law.”

The first episode depicts a situation where Nicole is trying to manipulate her fathers into letting her do something they wouldn’t agree to otherwise by asking them for something she thinks they can’t give her: a little brother. And that should be the end of it…but then Joey and Michael actually consider adopting another kid. And DO end up fostering a child named Ben for a short period of time. And, make all the arguments you want for them just being friends in regards to them parenting Nicole, but it is a WHOLE ‘nother ball of wax for them to agree (as “friends”) to adopt a second child. And aside from the wink-wink implication that they themselves cannot reproduce, it’s not seen as a joke.

And the story then pivots to being more about Nicole being jealous of her dads’ affection towards Ben as a boy, with her insinuating they didn’t want a girl. After he’s adopted by another family, Ben never reappears after this episode, unfortunately, and I do somewhat wish he had, if nothing else as Nicole’s friend/pseudo-brother. Again, as someone who is a “donor kid,” I have several half-siblings I’ve gotten in touch with and it would’ve been nice to see Nicole maintain that relationship.

The second episode in question is taken even more seriously than the first, despite the tongue-in-cheek title and the somewhat joking sentence of Joey calling Mrs. Taylor his “mother-in-law” aloud. In this episode, Michael’s mother comes for a very abrupt visit and quickly starts trying to control everything and everyone in the family. This builds to a very serious, very heartfelt confrontation between Michael and his mother, where Michael point-blank states that his mom doesn’t think of him and Joey as “real parents,” and that he knows she wouldn’t be the same way if he was married to a woman and had a baby with her.

This is a real conversation MANY queer parents have with their own moms and dads. (One that, I am certain, at least one of my moms had with theirs.)

I was absolutely floored that this conversation was treated as dead-serious as it was. And then later, without any laugh track or hint of humor (or even the dreaded implication that Michael is Joey’s “wife”), Michael’s mother refers to Joey as her “son-in-law” and asks him to drive her to the airport, as “that’s what son-in-laws do.” I wanted to kiss this episode. It was glorious. And, truthfully, it’s probably my favorite episode of the series.

(For all that, and the pointedly hilarious segment where Joey tries to suffocate Michael with a pillow, and Nicole walks in on them in an implied “intimate moment.”)

So, despite the show’s constant winks at the audience, these were the two episodes I found to be the most compelling arguments for Michael and Joey being legitimate domestic partners as well as just being Nicole’s dads.

[unknown-donation]

Im Pat! (but really I prefer Patrick) and these are my podcasts. Each week I sit down with someone I find interesting to have a conversation focusing on one of three things. Talking to people in different professions about what its like to work in that field day to day and how they got into it (What's Your Job?), Talking with emigrants and refugee's about what it was like for them as a kid growing up in their home country, how they first learned about the United States, what it was like for them to come to this country, and how they see the country differently than Americans who were born in the states (Emigrant Stories), and finally as a child of lesbian mothers talking with other kids who grew up with LGBTQ parents or parent about what their experience was like and how it shaped them (Queer Spawn Pod).

Episodes 4 and 12 are about queer spawn. Not DC per se, but very interesting.

[veracity24]

Director of GAYBY BABY - Maya Newell - talks about what it means to be raised by two Mums (via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h99A2ca0OJo)

[queerfatpreggers]

Early is ONE MONTH OLD today! Color photos were taken by me today, black and white were taken by my super talented friend Jules yesterday.

He’s sleeping really well at night- we usually go to sleep around 10pm, wake up around 3am for a snack, then sleep again until 8am. He also usually takes a big nap mid-day.

We’re still struggling a bit with nursing, but he’s getting better at it. And my supply is inching up, too. He’s tracking people with his eyes, starting to coo and make other noises, and his neck is getting really strong! He’s still best at crying, pooping, burping, and farting through.

I have one more month of maternity leave. Feeling excited for the time remaining, but also to regain some of my life sans-baby. And to start nursing school in three months!

[queerfatpreggers]

Two weeks old! At his appointment today he was called "perfect" by the pediatrician. Gaining weight (up to 8lbs 1.5oz), height (21.5in), and head circumference (38cm). All reflexes and body parts look fab, too. We're, unfortunately, both really struggling with breast feeding. My supply is low and his latch is shitty. So supplementing with formula and pumped milk. Kinda feels like insult to injury after my difficult pregnancy/birth. But more processing on that later.