Queer, Fat and Pregnant

Using this space to talk about my experiences conceiving, being pregnant, and parenting. Navigating the incredibly gendered world of child bearing/rearing is already a bit of a mind fuck as a trans person- and adding being fat to that equation should really make things interesting! Gave birth to my kiddo February 18th, 2015.

[queerfatpreggers]

I am still angry that this tiny vial of sperm cost $900. Plus $40/mo to store, $350 to ship, $45 pick up fee.

The sperm bank industry is a fuckin' racket.

[queerfatpreggers]

Hi! I am laying in bed having just done an ICI insemination for kid #2.

To catch you all up, kid #1 was born in 2015. We conceived him via iui and a known donor. He is now 6 and sassy and amazing. Me and my partner decided to try for a second kid. We are using bank sperm and ici at home. We now live in Minnesota where I work as a nurse practitioner.

I had a positive LH strip at 930 last night, and almost exactly 24 hours later we did insemination #1. Grateful for a partner with a sense of humor since it is such a weird experience.

Gonna do another round tomorrow AM. Hoping it's a one and done situation because this shit is expensive without having access to fresh sperm on tap!

Enjoy these pics of the sperm container strapped in my car, my legs in the air as I let the spermies swim (felt some uterine cramping so I'm hopeful they made it in), and my cute firstborn.

[queerfatpreggers]

He’s a year and a half old, now. We went in for his check up today and he’s squarely in the 15th percentile for height/weight (31.5″, 21lbs).

More and more words, every day. It’s amazing to see him develop language. 

And he’s definitely a toddler. So many tantrums, so little time. 

But so sweet. And creative. Playing with his doll one moment, his trucks the next. He loves his play kitchen, and has found a new love in his push bike. 

I can’t wait to see what’s next. 

[queerfatpreggers]

So it's been forever since I updated! I'm full time in nursing school while raising my kiddo. And we just moved! So not much time to Tumblr. But E is nearly 9 months, and is just amazing and awesome. Babbling up a storm, has four teeth, crawling, and he just started pulling himself up to standing! He's got a great sense of humor and is so sweet and snuggly. I love being his Momo!

[queerfatpreggers]

Look at my FIVE month old! And just today he started sitting unassisted!!

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EARLY IS FOUR MONTHS!! I start nursing school tomorrow. Scary, but happy he will have awesome folks caring for him here at home.

Breastfeeding has vastly improved, although he still is about 50/50 formula/breastmilk.

He’s laughing and smiling all the time, loves to sit up and stand (with assistance), and is already showing a lot of interest in food (although he still has a ways to go before he gets solids).

He’s 12lbs 9oz now! And 24 inches long. And we started doing back carries with the woven wrap since his head control is so great. We had our first zoo trip this weekend, too!

Celebrated MoMo Day on May 31st for me, Baba’s Day with friends last weekend, and a very gentle Father’s Day today for my partner (who goes by Aaba and isn’t daddy identified, but still felt sweet on today’s sentiment).

I’m madly in love.

[queerfatpreggers]

I didn’t forget about ya’ll! Just have been busy adoring my baby.

He’s 12 weeks this coming Wednesday. This last three months has blown by. I started work three weeks ago, but am only in the office 12 hours of the 20, so it isn’t terrible. I start nursing school in June, though- that will be a bigger adjustment.

Early’s over 10 pounds now. And fucking adorable. And smiling and LAUGHING and reaching for toys. He’s turning into a person!

[queerfatpreggers]

Early is ONE MONTH OLD today! Color photos were taken by me today, black and white were taken by my super talented friend Jules yesterday.

He’s sleeping really well at night- we usually go to sleep around 10pm, wake up around 3am for a snack, then sleep again until 8am. He also usually takes a big nap mid-day.

We’re still struggling a bit with nursing, but he’s getting better at it. And my supply is inching up, too. He’s tracking people with his eyes, starting to coo and make other noises, and his neck is getting really strong! He’s still best at crying, pooping, burping, and farting through.

I have one more month of maternity leave. Feeling excited for the time remaining, but also to regain some of my life sans-baby. And to start nursing school in three months!

[queerfatpreggers]

Two weeks old! At his appointment today he was called "perfect" by the pediatrician. Gaining weight (up to 8lbs 1.5oz), height (21.5in), and head circumference (38cm). All reflexes and body parts look fab, too. We're, unfortunately, both really struggling with breast feeding. My supply is low and his latch is shitty. So supplementing with formula and pumped milk. Kinda feels like insult to injury after my difficult pregnancy/birth. But more processing on that later.

[queerfatpreggers]

Finally home from five days at the hospital. Here are some photos! I love my family.

[queerfatpreggers]

Took him long enough :) First off, the juicy details:

Early Gwyneth W. (yes, we see the humor in the name, as he took his time)

Born 2/18/2015 at 8:27am (both an Aquarius and Chinese Zodiac horse by a day!)

7 lbs 13 oz, 20 inches (so not huge!)

Also, I was accepted to the UCSF MEPN program on 2/19. So holy shit, emotional few days!

The short of the long story: My water broke on a walk at the dog park on Monday the 16th around 2pm. I went to Kaiser at  5pm, was admitted and induced by Pitocin around 8:30. Contractions started around 9pm. I was drug free and hardcore awesome until about 24 hours later when the contractions were getting a LOT harder to manage, and I was exhausted. Despite 24 hours of contractions, i was only 2cm dilated and about 75% effaced. Morphine and other lower interventions didn’t help, so I gave in and got an epidural. More laboring on the epidural still only got me to 2.5cm dilated by 2am on Wednesday. Docs were worried something was keeping him from making an appearance, and so after another 4 hours of laboring (in the hopes I’d progress) I made the realllllly difficult decision to get a c-section.

C-section went great, baby came out feisty (and got a 9 on his APGAR test, thank  you very much), but it turns out his head was wedged in my pelvis in a way that was causing my painful contractions and his lack of progression. Also, he had a cord wrap. Despite him coming out by c-section, a number of nurses said he looked like he’d been born by vaginal birth because of his big cone head and dents caused by being contracted into my pelvis for so long.

I’m STILL in the hospital at Kaiser (we were hoping to go home today, but Early lost a bunch of weight and is a bit feverish, so we’re staying put another night)- but I’ll take the opportunity to get more lactation help and supplement him via SNS until my milk comes in. Clearly nothing went as planned, but I think you’ll agree that Early is SUPER CUTE and worth the effort.

I’ll update more around gender/sexuality stuff later when I have more than 2 hours of continuous sleep under my belt.

[queerfatpreggers]

Here we gooooooooooooo!

[queerfatpreggers]

Cross yer fingers...

Waters broke (at the dog park!!) at around 2pm. Waiting at Kaiser now to see if they're gonna admit me.

[queerfatpreggers]

Today is the last day of my 40th week. Tomorrow starts week 41. These photos are from 40 weeks 4 days.

 Yesterday I had the strongest, most consistent contractions yet for 4hrs. Then they stopped. Maddening. I honestly can't imagine that this is ever gonna end. I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. I thought for sure the baby would have been out by now.

 Soooo many strangers asking when I'm due. It's getting tedious. Although met a pregnant lady yesterday who was just as bitter about her pregnancy as I am, which was refreshing.

 Mom is still here. She's flying out Friday. Since I'm being induced Wednesday for sure, hopefully she'll get at least a little time with the kid. But I'm calling L&D each morning to see if thy can get me in sooner, so let's hope this kid comes a bit earlier than Wed. Ughhhhhh.

[queerfatpreggers]

fuck this

Went to the OB today, had my membranes swept AGAIN. Was told I was at 2cm and my cervix was very soft. They scheduled me for an induction on Wednesday if I can't go into spontaneous labour before that. 

I feel awful. Puked three times today. Which I would consider a "symptom" of oncoming labour if I hadn't been puking this whole fucking pregnancy.

I JUST WANT TO MEET THIS KID AND STOP FEELING MISERABLE. 

[queerfatpreggers]

Still pregnant

40 weeks, 2 days today. Mom arrived on Monday (my due date) and has to leave Friday. So i'm feeling even more pressure to get this kid on the other side. I have tried the following to get this baby out: Sex and orgasm (solo and with a partner) Nipple stimulation (of all varieties) Yoga ball bouncing Walking (including a 3 mile hike) Yoga Spicy food Acupuncture and acupressure Membrane stripping I am beginning to feel like this is all a big joke and the universe is punking me.

[queerfatpreggers]

39 weeks 2 days today. Got my membranes swept (aka stripped) around 4pm. Started having some more pronounced contractions every 20-30 min starting around 8pm. Lets hope they keep going in the right direction! And look at this photo of my kid (taken today)!