Galadriel: See, the thing is, Sauron knows weapons. He’ll be expecting weapons. What he doesn’t know is Lothlorien-style psychological warfare.
Galadriel: Oh he knows psychological warfare. just not Lothlorien-style.
(Cut to Barad-Dur)
Galadriel: Want some tea?
Sauron: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Galadriel: Is that a no then?
Sauron: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE???
Galadriel: How about biscuits?
Sauron: GET OUT!!!!
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Melkor: Mairon
Mairon: Yes?
Melkor: I know I'm chaotic and destructive
Mairon: Yes
Melkor: And I make a path of devastation wherever I go....
Mairon: Yes...
Melkor: And you're talented and smart and very very handsome.....
Mairon, nodding: Uh huh
Melkor, getting down on one knee: Would you care to join me?
Mairon:
Mairon:
Melkor: please?
Mairon: ....
Mairon: FUCK YES!!
Melkor: *Sobs* Cool
Mairon: Are you a cuddler?
Melkor: I'm a machine of death and destruction.
Mairon:
Melkor: …Yeah, I'm a cuddler.
~~
Mairon, skipping rocks on a lake with Melkor: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Melkor: Yeah, it is.
Melkor: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.
~~
Melkor: Mairon, say aluminum again. It's the entire source of my serotonin during these trying times.
Mairon: sigh Only for you, buddy. Alyoouminnieeum.
Melkor: Fight me!
Mairon, standing behind him and holding a knife: mouths Do not.
~~
Melkor: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.
Melkor: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.
~~
Melkor: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.
Melkor: Don't go to the kitchen.
Mairon: Why?
Melkor: I saw a spider.
Mairon: Well, did you kill it?
Melkor: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair…
~~
Melkor: Not to be nsfw on main but I want Mairon to hold me while I sleep.
~~
Melkor: Stop doing that.
Mairon: Stop doing what?
Melkor: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you!
~~
Mairon: I’m here for the cult stuff.
Melkor: How did you find us?
Mairon: I saw your ad on craigslist.
~~
Melkor: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Mairon, not looking up from his book: Spear.
Melkor: BLOCKED.
~~
Melkor: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Melkor: *punches wall*
Melkor:
Melkor: Take me to the hospital.
~~
Melkor: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
~~
Mairon: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby?
Mairon: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.
Mairon: I also want to softhack his circuits.
Melkor: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.
~~
Melkor: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Mairon!
Mairon: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.
Aulë: Melkor! How do you even sleep at night?
Melkor: …Should we tell him?
Mairon: We should tell him.
Melkor: I’m gonna tell him.
Melkor: Next to YOUR BEST SMITH, LOSER! HAHAHAHAHA!
Melkor and Mairon trying to be romantical:
Mairon: Hmmm. What are some things that couples do?
Melkor: Well, I could defenestrate you.
Mairon: I’m sorry?
Melkor: Defenestrate?
Mairon: You want to throw me out a window.
Melkor: Is that what it means?
Mairon: Yes!
Melkor: Oh. It sounded so intimate….
Mairon: Did they hurt you?!
Melkor: Mai-
Mairon: DID THEY HURT YOU?!?
Melkor: Mairon
Melkor: It was a papercut
Mairon, picking up a letter opener: Well I'm gonna paper cut that report in half!!
Galadriel: Don’t kill your enemies!
Galadriel: Read their minds instead and recite their core desires while they sleep
Galadriel: It’s much more effective, in my personal opinion.