Thank you for sharing this. I'm happy that you have found your label, a label you are comfortable with. And it's good to see(read) about someone's journey, to see how it is a process of discovering oneself and that it may take years.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
It is weird. I was always open-minded, never had a problem with non-hetero orientations, interested in feminist theory in general and theories about sexual orientation in particular and I consider myself as rather in tune with myself and still it took me so long to realize. But sometimes it is necessary to take the scenic route to be happy with arriving somewhere (before moving further), I think. Even if takes years. There’s no need to have everything figured out all at once or at a certain age.
Thanks so, so much for this! I've noticed that the script is case sensitive for the tags, and it gives me a few duplicates (on my list I get cats and Cats as 2 separate tags, with different counts). Is there a way to make the script ignore case?
it should be ignoring case already, so that’s a bug. i’ll look into fixing it!
quigui reagiu à tua publicação “When you get this write 3 things your followers probably don’t know...”
I have a driver's license but I very rarely drive (and I suck at it and I'm always in a mild state of panic while doing it)
I don’t know, I’m scared I will be the typical tuga, always honking and stressing and calling names. Would fit my profile. Well at least I have great orientation.
quigui answered your question “Survey: when in the sun, do you A- squint your eyes or B- close one...”
I squint a bit but I usually close one eye (my left), but it's a lazy eye that only sees about 40% and I always assumed it was because of that. I sometimes close it even though there is no sun.
That makes sense.
My dad, my brother and sister and I all close one eye, even though none of us have sight problems. I’ve been doing it for so long that my right eyes can adjust to brightness much faster, so I rarely have to squint as long as I close my left eye.
the-sarcastic-kitten answered your question “Survey: when in the sun, do you A- squint your eyes or B- close one...”
both? i squint first but if that's not enough i close one eye
phoenixthecookiemonster reblogged your post and added:
I squint and close one eye?
Apparently this is the common theme. I have no idea why everyone in my family skips the first step.
My dear quigui, I tried my best to make a few things you like happen, and I hope you enjoy this little story. Happy holidays!
Anything else: I made Jennifer Blake Derek’s best friend (because he needs one) and also Stiles’ cousin (because they have similar facial features). Hope you don’t mind.
~ And then my soul saw you, and it kind of went ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.’ ~
- Iain S. Thomas
The first time Derek laid eyes on Stiles wasn’t, in fact, the first time at all. It was rather Derek’s brain not being able to comprehend that the beautiful young man standing in front of him was supposed to be the same person as the gangly teenager with a buzz cut he remembered from roughly six years ago.
Stiles, little cousin of Derek’s best friend Jennifer, must have been sixteen or seventeen years old at the time. He had tagged along when they went to the movies one evening – the first “Avengers” movie, if Derek recalled correctly. In the car the kid had been chattering at them excitedly from the backseat of Derek’s Camaro, but once inside the theater he had turned shy and pulled back into himself when Jennifer left them alone to get drinks and popcorn. They managed to make some awkward conversation though, mostly Derek talking about his Bachelor’s thesis, which he had just finished back then. It felt like a lifetime had passed since that day.
As far as Derek could remember, he had only seen Stiles once for a few minutes since then. Stiles had dropped off something at Jenn’s place right before Derek and her needed to get on their way to one thing or another. He vaguely remembers waving at the sheriff’s kid over Jenn’s shoulder from where he was sitting at her kitchen table and that had been it. Until now.
If he was being honest with himself, Derek had to admit nothing could’ve prepared him for meeting Stiles again today. Not with the way he was staring at Derek right now, eyes widening in recognition and plush, pink lips dropped open slightly. Derek felt it was a perfect mirror image of the expression he wore himself, somewhat surprised and a lot intrigued.
“Hi Derek,” Stiles whispered and Derek tried raking his brain for an answer a little more eloquent than “Hey”, but nothing came to mind. Great. Thankfully he got saved by Jennifer stumbling back into the room, a heavy looking box held out in front of her.
“Oh, you guys know each other, right?”
“Yeah, yeah we’ve met,” Derek confirmed after a moment, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from Stiles to answer his best friend. Just as Stiles started nodding he cleared his throat, his voice sounding breathy even to his own ears. “Hi Stiles, it’s been a while.”
“Years man, it’s been like a decade,” exclaimed Stiles flailing incredulously, and maybe the kid from six years ago wasn’t entirely gone. Today though, Derek found it oddly charming. There was a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth and he was pleased when Stiles didn’t hesitate to smile back.
Jennifer coughed behind them, making both of them turn around and face her.
“Sorry to interrupt your very cute reunion scene there, but a little help with the boxes, maybe?”
Stiles nodded frantically, quickly making his way outside to the moving van Jenn had hired.
Meeting Stiles again hadn’t come as a surprise exactly. Jennifer’s new shop – a cozy and tiny little bookstore squeezed in between a coffee shop and a toy store for children – was set to open three days from now, just in time for the holiday season, and she needed all the help she could get. Derek had offered of course, he still had over a month of blissful free time until he’d start his first real job after finally getting his PhD, so helping his best friend out was a given. He was proud of her for doing what she had always wanted with her life and since Jennifer had always been there for him, supporting her in this was the least he could do. Derek just hadn’t expected to fall head over heels in love with her little cousin.
Derek gaped. They, meaning Stiles and him, were currently alone in the shop putting the last shipping of ordered books up onto the shelves, while Jennifer was gone to get the rest of the necessary holiday decoration to make everything inside presentable. The “grand opening” as they liked to call it was the next day and though the store looked really nice already there was still a lot to do. When Derek rounded the corner, an encyclopedia tucked under his arm and the question of where to put it already on his, lips he stopped dead in his tracks. Seemingly out of nowhere Stiles started to dance, turning up the volume of “Shut up and Dance” and swinging his hips exaggeratedly while simultaneously beckoning Derek closer.
“Come on, dude. You know you want to.”
The thing surprising him the most was that Derek actually did want to. Stiles was smiling at him so openly, sliding towards him like on an accidental forward moonwalk and reaching out for him with a hand. And Derek had only gotten to know Stiles for something adding up to a few hours total today but for some reason he found himself unable to resist. He grabbed Stiles’ hand, fingers wrapping carefully around his and let himself be pulled towards Stiles, twirling around with him, dancing through the half-unpacked boxes, Stiles waving a glittering piece of Christmas garland over their heads all silly and in good fun. Derek hadn’t felt this relaxed around someone he barely knew for a long and for the first time in maybe years, Derek thought it might not be a bad thing. His face almost hurt from smiling so hard.
It was only when they heard something heavy drop to the floor behind them that they turned back towards the direction of the door. Jennifer was gaping at them exasperatedly and Derek felt himself blushing, smiling at her sheepishly, but then his best friend started laughing loudly, beaming at the two of them.
“Only you could get Derek to dance, Stiles. I tried that for literal years. Unbelievable, you guys are ridiculous.”
Stiles’ eyes lit up in astonishment, making them seem even brighter. “You don’t dance? Dancing is life, man!”
“I dance. Just not outside. Which we’re not, by the way.” Derek could feel his cheeks flaming up at his awkward stammering and for once he was glad Jennifer tended to interrupt him a lot.
“Derek here gets hit on a lot in clubs thanks to his sharp cheekbones, and it can all get a little too much with people trying to get him to dance with them.”
“Oh.” Stiles was staring at him with his mouth dropped open, a lovely blush creeping over his features before he seemed to catch himself.
“Oh!” The words came out quiet and a little sad, quite the opposite of Stiles’ usual behavior as Derek had gotten to know over the past few hours. “I’m so sorry dude. I didn’t want to impose… Oh god, of course. I’ll go and get more of those boxes.” Derek felt a gentle, apologetic clasp of his shoulder as Stiles briskly walked out of the store muttering to himself and leaving Derek utterly confused.
“It’s… fine? What even happened?” He snapped his head around to catch his best friend’s gaze, but Jennifer was already shaking her head vigorously.
“Oh no, I’m firmly staying out of that one. Go figure it out yourself.”
If Derek spent the rest of the day a little sad about Stiles being friendly and warm towards him but nevertheless keeping his distance, no one needed to know.
*****
Derek’s day had been a rough one when he finally pulled open the door of the coffee shop. He hadn’t been there in a while since it was at the other side of the town, right next to Beacon Hills College and as crowded with students as ever. Derek had once been a regular here as well, but as of today he had finally cleared out his desk at the TA office and - putting the academic life firmly behind him - he assumed this would be one of his last visits. He pulled a face when he saw the mass of people queuing up along the counter, but the need for caffeine was stronger than Derek’s dislike of crowded places. He stood in line patiently, eyes lingering over the menu and deciding on a medium Americano before letting his gaze wander over the cozy couches full of people Derek didn’t recognize. On one of the mismatched tables that were scattered all over the place, giving the coffee shop a homey yet distinctly student-ish feel, he nearby spotted a figure hunched over what appeared to be a couple of books. Stiles. Off the top of his head Derek decided to get two coffees instead of one. Stiles sure looked like he needed one and maybe they could talk a little before Derek would leave him alone to study some more. He smiled at the prospect and, being next in line, placed his order with the barista.
Derek was just about to pay for their coffee when he heard Stiles’ voice. “Lydia, light of my life!” it exclaimed and Derek’s stomach churned up at the words. He could practically picture the warm smile on Stiles’ face, the twinkling of his eyes and… Derek felt so stupid. So incredibly stupid for thinking he could just saunter over to Stiles and woo him with coffee – because admittedly that was what he wanted to do – and of course someone as lively and open as Stiles wouldn’t sit around a coffee shop studying alone. Of course he wouldn’t. Daring a quick look over at their table, Derek saw a petite redhead sitting down opposite Stiles a blinding smile on her face, and took that as his cue to leave. Once outside, Derek dumped the coffee into the trash, suddenly not in the mood for it anymore. The coffee there had always been mediocre at best anyway.
*****
It should be two more weeks until Derek met Stiles again. He knew it was coming this time, which made it a little easier for Derek, giving him the chance to prepare himself to endure a couple of hours filled with Stiles and possibly – probably – his girlfriend. It was the annual pre-Christmas dinner held at Jennifer’s parents’ place, a thing Derek had been invited to for something bordering on a decade, but it was actually the first time he hadn’t declined the offer. Now though, with the prospect of watching Stiles being all lovey-dovey with a beautiful girl, Derek wished he hadn’t accepted already. He didn’t have any right to be jealous, but with Stiles being the first person in years he had somewhat let his guard down for, the guy breathing through the bricks of his walls as if they had never existed in the first place, he wasn’t looking exactly forward to this family dinner.
Derek was busying himself by setting the table in the living room when Stiles stumbled in, packed with a giant box of cookies he held out in front of him. His eyes widened slightly as his gaze zeroed in on Derek immediately. “Derek, my man. I didn’t know you were coming. Good to see you again.”
“Yeah, I’m here this year. I think Jenn’s mom started to consider me quite rude, so I decided to make an exception every decade or so.” Derek usually wasn’t good a joking or keeping the mood light, his dry wit mostly flying over people’s head, so he was pleased when Stiles chuckled at his explanation and made his way over to where Derek was placing the last fork on the table.
“Want a cookie? I made them myself, they’re really good.” Stiles looked at him expectantly and once again Derek couldn’t resist. He carefully took a misshapen coconut macaroon, biting into it deftly. It was delicious. He nodded, making a surprised noise in the back of throat before swallowing and finishing off the cookie.
Stiles was looking at him a little weirdly and kind of hopeful as if his future as a pastry chef depended on Derek’s opinion. “Tastes great, Stiles.” Derek felt a rush of warmth in his chest as he watched the smile blooming on Stiles’ face.
“So, didn’t you bring your girlfriend?” he blurted out causing Stiles’ smile to vanish, slowly melting into an expression of sheer and utter confusion.
“Uhm, I don’t have a girlfriend? Why would you think I have a girlfriend?”
Derek couldn’t answer for a second. Stiles didn’t have a girlfriend? Not that it equaled him having a chance, but it did make him feel slightly better. At least he hadn’t been perving on someone else’s significant other.
Derek harrumphed. “I saw you the other day, at the coffee shop? I think you were studying for finals or something and there was a red haired girl? I just assumed.”
“Ah. No, Derek.” Stiles laughed. “That was Lydia, one of my best friends actually. And while she is an absolute queen and will always be special to me, she is no way my girlfriend. Nor do I want her to be.”
“Oh.”
“Yes oh. No girlfriend for Stiles here, and no boyfriend either for the record. I’m actually glad we could clear that up though.”
Derek smiled hesitantly at Stiles, bumping their shoulders together sheepishly before quietly whispering “Me too.”
Derek was making his way over to the kitchen to see if he could help Jenn’s mom along with the food, when his friend coughed pointedly.
“Derek, is there anything you want to tell me?” Jennifer watched him with something akin to suspicion in her eyes while trying to sound completely innocent, and Derek – damning her for knowing him so well – couldn’t hold back from rolling his own in answer.
“Nope, absolutely not.”
She sauntered over to him, gently nudging his elbow. “He’s a good guy, you know,” she said quietly, squeezing his forearm. “I know I said that I was staying out of this one, but take my words. Go for it. You two could be good for each other. It was one of the reasons Mom got so excited about you being here. She was scheming already, but I think it’s not even necessary.” Her smirk was intimidating at best and if Derek didn’t know her so well he’d consider her of being evil to the bone. He just groaned in defeat instead.
“I’ll see. Now stop patronizing me.”
She just patted his head consolingly in answer.
It all came to a head a few hours later, after too much food and way too much eggnog. Stiles and Derek had both decided it was time to leave eventually, with Stiles already standing on the porch and waiting for his Dad to pick him up on the way home from his late shift. Derek had just said his thanks and good-bye to everyone, boxes of leftovers tucked firmly underneath his arm when Jennifer pushed him outside, pointing above his head and shouting “Oh look, mistletoe!”, before basically shutting the door in his face.
Stiles turned around and smirked at him, slowly climbing the stairs back up to the door and coming to a halt only inches from Derek. “Was that supposed to tell us something?”
Derek sighed. “Subtlety has never been her strong suit.”
“Must be genetic, I’m not good at it either.”
“I’m pretty much the opposite though; we might balance out each other nicely.”
Stiles smiled shyly at him, as he grabbed the lapels of Derek’s jacket. “I thought I scared you away when I pushed you into dancing with me the other day, hitting on you like every other idiot at a club.” he admitted quietly. He appeared way too interested in the floor suddenly and Derek reached out with a finger under his chin, gently prodding Stiles to meet his gaze.
“Doesn’t beat getting jealous over a girlfriend you don’t even have,” he murmured while carefully sliding his hand around and cupping the side of Stiles’ face, reveling in the way Stiles leaned into the touch.
“I think I wanted you to kiss me since I have been sixteen.”
“If I do now, your Dad hopefully won’t arrest me for it.”
Derek swallowed Stiles’ chuckle right from his lips, firmly pressing his mouth to Stiles’. They didn’t let go of each other for a long time.
(Actually they kept kissing each other until the Sheriff blared the siren on his cruiser once, making them jump apart. It was a story they had to re-tell every Christmas from then on.)
