#r:txt

[rkrxcky]

- dated july 2019 -

✉ ⊰ ricky ⊱ 

✉ hey so i've been thinking

✉ about why i did it, and about why i did everything i did afterwards

✉ you just left for sn project afterwards and i kind of felt ghosted, even if i didn't have a right to

✉ but i liked that, it was easier that way, because you were just gone and i could ignore it. it made it really easy to not think about it anymore but i couldn't stop thinking about you hating me

✉ i didn't let myself think about whether i always liked you or if i liked you at all or if it meant anything or nothing because i was too scared and didn't want to deal with it, so i didn't

✉ i'm braver now and i've thought about it more, and...i still don't know what it meant. i don't know why i did it, but i know i never even considered kissing a boy before then, so it must've meant something. you must have something all of the others didn't

✉ i'm thankful for it now, because i...learned a lot from it. i don't know if you feel the same way, but i hope one day you do, and until then i'm sorry. i think i'll always be sorry

✉ i know i wanted to kiss you then, even if i still don't know why, or if it was just the alcohol or if that brought out...something else? it feels like that's all it was, but i don't think i'll ever know

✉ but that's all it is to me now, and i feel bad about that if you...wanted it to be more. i feel bad about it regardless, but i wanted you to know because i think you deserve honesty from me after everything. i'm sorry

---

cw: internalized homophobia

- dated early October, 2019 -

⬅️what does that mean you dont think youll ever know

⬅️you say you're being honest but you don't make any sense

⬅️people say sorry when they did something wrong so if you're sorry how can you be thankful for it

⬅️you could've picked anyone else to mess with but it was me and I dont know why and you're saying you dont know why either? because I have something?? what something?? what did I do to make you mess with me like that?? I was minding my own business

⬅️you said you're thankful but that it doesnt mean anything and it never will, but you learned from it so you used me to learn something???

⬅️you liked me??? [message deleted !]

⬅️if you think I'm that disgusting just say so [message deleted !]

⬅️and why would I want it to be m [message deleted !]

⬅️and why would I want it to be more, you're a man. it should never have happened [message deleted !]

⬅️what if I did wan [message deleted !]

⬅️why would I want it to be more I'm not like you

⬅️it's good that you're sorry you should be

[rkrxcky]

@danielxrk

✉ ⊰ ricky ⊱ ✉ hey ricky ✉ i just wanted to say congratulations on per_se. you really deserve this, honestly. i know you worked hard ✉ sorry i didn’t text you before, too ✉ honestly i was kind of afraid, after everything. not that that’s a good excuse, but ✉ i’m sorry about what happened, and especially that it happened so close to sn project. i don’t want to assume it was like, important enough to cause you stress or anything, but i know if it was me i would’ve been stressed and you didn’t need that from me, so i’m sorry ✉ i wasn’t thinking and if i knew what was going to happen for you maybe things would’ve been different. i was going to say i’m sorry that they weren’t different but ✉ i don’t know, i didn’t really…think through what i was going to say to you. that’s probably obvious. i just wanted to send you something while i still had to courage to. i don’t know, i’m sorry

[` text to daniel: why [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: what do you mean different [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: you should be sor [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: why are you sorr [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: of course it was stressful because i’m not [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: i’m still afraid and it’s your f [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: i’m not li [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: why did you [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: its ok  [` text to daniel: thank you [` text to daniel: whyd [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: what d   [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: you and joo  [ message deleted ! ] [` text to daniel: why did you do it

[rkrxcky]

@taeminrk

[` text to bruce wayne hyung: ii . / [` text to bruce wayne hyung: oops [` text to bruce wayne hyung: i don’t know what to do [` text to bruce wayne hyung: i can’t leave nova.. i shouldn’t [` text to bruce wayne hyung: but what if they don’t want me anymore.. [` text to bruce wayne hyung: you don’t have to reply if you don’t want, i just donn’t know who else to ak [` text to bruce wayne hyung: ask [` text to bruce wayne hyung: sorry

[rkrxcky]

dated: may 26, 2019

✉ ⊰ ricky ⊱  ✉ hey, you did really well ( *deleted ! )  ✉ hey congratula ( *deleted ! )  ✉ i just wanted to text you to congratulate you, i’m sorry about what happened ( *deleted ! )  ✉ hi ricky, congratulations!! i just want to apologize if i made you uncomfortable, too. we can just forg ( *deleted ! )  ✉ you really deserve to debut, i’m happy for y ( *deleted ! )  ✉ we could’ve been better friends, right? we should’ve ( *deleted ! ) 

[rkrxcky]

dated: may 26, 2019

[ msg to: kid cousin changhyun ] hey [ msg to: kid cousin changhyun ] congrats

[` text to one punch cousin: ah,, you were watching? [` text to one punch cousin: did auntie make you ㅋ [` text to one punch cousin: thanks… i’m a little nervous… mostly excited, but also really nervous… it feels like i still have a lot of work to do… [` text to one punch cousin: i don’t want to let anyone down [` text to one punch cousin: especially family [ message deleted ! ]

[rkrxcky]

[ msg to: kid cousin changhyun ] how mad do you think grandma would be if i skipped the wedding

[ msg to: kid cousin changhyun ] not that i’m going to, just wondering

- - - - - - -

[` text to one punch cousin: yah who even invited you

[` text to one punch cousin: good luck getting training off

[` text to one punch cousin: dont skip it, hyung will be disappointed for some reason

[rkrxcky]

[ msg! prince ricky ♡ ] 

> i know we don’t talk about what happened but i just want to address something real quick: i understand why you stopped coming around now > calling it as it is, a 썸, makes sense as to why the seriousness i had about it freaked you out and at the time it hurt but i get it now > you needed to protect your career. i put it in jeopardy. i don’t blame you for not coming around anymore > i learned it the hard way but…. i have to stop putting people’s happiness before my own. i have to start being a little more selfish too > i’m sorry for everything. i love you very much. you are my best friend no matter what and i care about you > i hope you’re doing well

[` text to sohee noona: i wasn’t being selfish. giving my future up for you would be selfish. it’s not just about singing and dancing for me it’s more than that it’s all i have it’s the only way i can be important it’s the only way i can do anything [ message deleted ! ]

[` text to sohee noona: that’s not fair [ message deleted ! ]

[` text to sohee noona: i hope you’re doing well too. i’ll root for you.

[` text to sohee noona: like always [ message deleted ! ]

[rkrxcky]

SMS ∆ ricky ; i'm using my phone a friend option so answer wisely~ SMS ∆ ricky ; how were you such a good leader? i got voted as leader but i don't think i'm very good at it... it's only because i'm eldest 😭 SMS ∆ ricky ; is there some sort of trick or method to it? what would i do??? SMS ∆ ricky ; i'm lost

[ text to lala🐭✨: uhh… ok?[ text to lala🐭✨: me???[ text to lala🐭✨: i dunno…[ text to lala🐭✨: it’s scary and it’s hard to be confident but…you have to know what you want i think? [ text to lala🐭✨: if you have a strong concept in your head its easy for everyone else to follow along[ text to lala🐭✨: and make sure you know everyone’s strengths and weaknesses.. you’re a team now and it’ll help you have a strong performance[ text to lala🐭✨: if they break you up or mix you up later it’ll be hard you’ll know them as competitors too...[ text to lala🐭✨: is anyone in your group popular yet? you should probably put them at the center ;;;; [ message deleted ! ] [ text to lala🐭✨: wahh.. i can’t believe you’re the eldest, we’re old ><