Characters: Wade Wilson (Deadpool), Logan Howlett | Worst Wolverine, Mary Poppins | Dogpool, Rabbitpool
Summary: Wade brings home a new pet.
Read on Ao3
Wolverine stares at the white rabbit in a red Deadpool suit with its white and pink ears sticking out and tiny matching katanas on its back.
Wolverine: What the fuck?
Deadpool: Tada! Peanut, meet Rabbitpool.
Wolverine: Why a rabbit though?
Deadpool: Are you kidding? All they do is goof off and fuck! Sound like anyone you know?
Wolverine rolls his eyes and scoffs.
*Thump*
The men look down at them.
Deadpool: What?
*Thump*
Deadpool: Ok ok ok! Carrot?
*Thump*
Deadpool: Right, spinach…
*Nods*
Deadpool runs down to a convenience store with produce that is nearby.
Wolverine looks at it with a quirked brow.
Wolverine: Don’t think you can manipulate me.
*Hop, hop, hop. Headbutts. Looks up expectantly*
Rolling his eyes, Wolverine goes over to a nearby fridge and opens it. Taking out a bag, he tosses it at Rabbitpool’s feet. It’s a bunch of full size orange carrots.
Wolverine: That’s all I can find right now. He’ll be back.
*Nods. Munch*
Wolverine: You're not so bad.
Wolverine reaches down and pets Rabbitpool as it eats.
*Allows the petting. Munch*
When Deadpool returns with a ridiculous number of produce he looked up on his phone that rabbits can eat, he gasps dramatically aloud.
Deadpool: How could you?
*Glances up. Return to munching*
Wolverine smirks at Deadpool and pets Rabbitpool. He knows how jealous his boyfriend gets.
Deadpool: Oh yeah?
Deadpool drops all the vegetables on the floor around Rabbitpool and Wolverine.
Wolverine: Cheater.
Deadpool scoffs and kneels down, watching Rabbitpool.
Deadpool: I got variety. What do you have? Failed expectations.
Wolverine grumps and watches Rabbitpool.
*Hop. Hop. Hop. Munch on spinach*
Deadpool smirks and slowly approaches Rabbitpool in its line of sight.
*Bites Deadpool’s hand*
Deadpool yanks back his hand.
Deadpool: Figures Rabbitpool would prefer a Wolverine. I mean look at you. I bet you smell amazing, too, to them.
Wolverine grins and chuckles.
Wolverine: I’m sure Rabbitpool will warm up to you. Mary had no issue with you.
Deadpool takes off his mask, sits cross legged, and pouts.
Wolverine looks at Rabbitpool.
Wolverine: What’s your name, Rabbitpool?
Wolverine pushed his cowl back.
*Looks up, ear turns towards Wolverine*
Logan and Wade look expectantly at Rabbitpool.
*Stares at Logan for nearly a minute*
Wade: What do we call you, sweetheart?
*Look up at Wade. Hop. Hop. Hop*
Wade remains quiet and still, internally chaos is going on.
*Bends head down and throws a piece of metal at his shin*
Wade: Ow.
Wade picks up the piece of metal, reads it and gasps.
