i do not know how to reconcile my disability with my spirituality/religion. why shouldn't i be able to magic my way out of this? why would my gods or ancestors allow this? what could it Mean? where could it be pointing me? what might i need to Fix?
it feels like false hope. it feels like cognitive dissonance. it feels like Doubt.
i know that there are some things there i need to work out personally. some shadow work perhaps. se new viewpoints. but.
idk.
my ama, my grandma, had really similar disability stuff to mine. it feels like part of ancestral stuff but. it is taking so much life away from me. why would she as a spirit let this keep happening to me? why can't she help take it away?
it is probable will find answers and viewpoints to reconcile or at least hold this all more in peace but
i'm so tired of being in pain. i'm so tired of being so deeply beyond tired. i'm so tired of my body taking my life away from me. i don't understand how this ties into Spirit, but, i feel so deeply that fibro is connected to the Unseen Forces but
why me
why this difficult
and how do i make it stop or channel it or
find fucking spiritual and physical relief.