Before the Fall
Sirius,
I've written this so many times and I have yet to not burn each piece of parchment once I've finished. Perhaps this will be the one that stays… Perhaps not. I've been having… second thoughts about everything. I wish I could be more candid, but you know what would happen if anyone else got hold of this. But I feel like you knew… You knew I would. It's why you never gave up on me.
Why didn't you give up? Why could you not have just let me go? Maybe then I wouldn't be in this predicament… But I'm lying to myself. What's happening isn't…. It's not what I thought it would be like. When put into practice, the beliefs, the reasonings… It's paper thin. There's nothing to stand on. It was all lies.
Sirius, it was all lies.
Why would mother and father lie to us like that? Why would the family make me believe it was the right thing if it wasn't? Why does everyone else agree with it? Why didn't I listen to you?
No… I can't send this. This was stupid. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. I can conform. I'm not like you.
𝑅.𝒜.𝐵.