#racing thought

[sapphicitachi]

Can't sleep at all. Just reading junji Ito and writing the dumbest ideas down.

[illustrationsofidletimes]

Utility in Evolution?

Very reluctant to put my pen to paper. 

That somehow what I mean to say, to communicate, won't transcend; 

That I'm alone, singular, experiencing what should be familiar and universal emotions alone. 

 That I'd say so much but not say anything at all. 

Okay- no, that I'd do so much but not become anything at all...

The sages say that when one evolves, constantly evolving, 

That's how you know you're living 

But I'm so obsessed, preoccupied, engaged with this thing of living in purpose. Living right or not living at all.

Evolution - this constant evolving everyone keeps mentioning in reference to fear, love, life... It's tiring for me.... 

To not have caught up to the present bit of myself before I contort into some other. 

 An other I'm supposed to come to terms with. 

I seek tangibles so what to do with this other is another complexity - should I run with it, explore ways to profit of it, befriend those of like 'others' 

Or should I detach, watch it till it sails past, waiting on the dock of self perception for another sailing ship. 

 But what then is the utility in that?

[nonsensicallyvalid]

some times i get so caught up with not wanting to pretend to be someone im not...but then i realize i dont even know my own place in life and if this person im trying not to be is the actual me......