Sense of peace - Cloti ficlet - Benchbreak series
After getting lost between a forest and plains for what over a week, everyone had agreed they needed a decent and comfortable break. Aerith and Tifa had gone shopping and Aerith had convinced Tifa to indulge in some girl time. Which meant Cloud had only been able to catch glimpses of the martial artist over the first two days.
He was about ready to admit suffering a significant case of Tifa withdrawal.
He’d gone years apart from her, but the mere thought of repeating that made him cranky. They’d exchanged glances across the dining table, the brunette sneaking a note to him without Aerith or anyone else noticing.
Meet me in my room past 9.
He felt like a schoolboy as he made sure to destroy the message after reading it, just in case. Having a secret as sweet as loving Tifa was good for his heart. He needed to actually tell her those words, but a part of him kept holding him back. If he didn’t clear up the other lies, surely any truth he gave her would be discarded once she knew?
It was too soon yet though. He wasn’t sure anymore how the lie had been constructed, what was the truth when it came to who he was. He pushed that all deep and far beneath the many locks he kept inside of his mind. What mattered was she wanted to see him, alone, and he couldn’t wait to see her.
It was just five minutes after nine when he gently knocked at her door, Tifa’s voice telling him to walk in. She was sitting at the edge of her bed, bend forward to put some band-aid on her leg. Cloud frowned, locking the door behind him.
“Something happened?”
“What? Oh, no, I’m fine,” she reassured him. “Just nicked myself while shaving earlier.”
Cloud sat next to her, still puzzled.
“Is it bleeding a lot? Shouldn’t you use a materia?”
She blinked, as though the thought had never crossed her mind.
“What does it says about me when I’m getting so used to only fixing terrible wounds with those, I didn’t even consider…”
She let her voice falter, shoulders hung, and Cloud shook his head at her.
“I hope you don’t think it’d be a waste for some nicks or bruises. Let me see here,” he offered.
“I’m fine,” Tifa insisted.
“Please.”
He wrapped one arm around her waist, and she playfully poked at his chest in return. “Sounds like you want to feel me up.”
“My concern is purely medical,” he said with just a hint of pretended offense.
Her smile grew larger at the playfulness. He was always so serious, she enjoyed the way he actually relaxed around her.
“Sure.” She shifted closer and threw her legs over his, Cloud carefully inspecting them.
“Five band-aids?!”
“I just have a harder time with the right one, I don’t know why, it’s always been this way,” she defended herself.
He looked up to her with a light smile.
“I’m not calling you out, I just don’t like knowing you’re hurt. Even from a razor nick.”
He quickly erased the nicks with a cure materia from his silver bangle, the band-aids discarded in a small pile on the floor. His hands stuck to Tifa’s legs, drawing slow shivers along her calves.
“Cloud…”
“Your skin is quite soft. Is it… presumptuous to ask if you shaved for me?”
“It definitely is,” she laughed. “How about you hold me a little now that I’m all healed?”
He was too happy to oblige her, giving her a bear hug before easing his hold as she squeezed him right back.
“Are you okay?” Tifa asked him, catching his eyes again.
“Yeah. It’s… It’s silly, but I really missed you the last few nights.”
They couldn’t get away with bunking together all the time, and especially not while camping or sleeping under the stars. Tifa bit into her lower lip to keep herself from smiling, but the smile was in her beautiful eyes already.
“Missed you too.”
He stayed quiet for a bit, his eyes holding her close while his mind went off again. Sometimes it seemed like he couldn’t believe any of the kind or sweet words she gave him, instead he needed to pause and bask in every last one of them to convince himself they were real. She didn’t want to get used to it, she wanted him to acknowledge his worth outside of the battlefield. And then maybe he could be fully present with her, at all times. Tifa pushed herself higher to press her lips against his, happy to feel him answer with genuine fire and need.
It wasn’t desperate anymore, it was familiar and caring, Tifa relishing the light moan he made, parting just enough to catch his eyes again.
“Hey,” she greeted him.
His ears turned red, his voice rough when he greeted her back. “Hey again. Didn’t mean to drift there.”
“I know. Just don’t forget we’re in this together.”
His heart swelled in his chest, so many words mixing in his mind. Cloud cupped the back of her head and tugged her close, nose in her hair as she hugged him back.
“Thank you.” He sighed, pushing more words out. “I’m not even stressed out lately, I just feel… still lost if that makes any sense…”
That had to be too open, but Tifa’s hands frame his face, fingertips tickling the shell of his ears.
“We’ve come a long way. And it’s okay to feel lost. I don’t think either of us fully know what we’re doing,” she admitted. Cloud had to fight against his urge to kiss her palm, instead stroking her wrists. Tifa went on. “You barely told me what happened to you before reaching Midgar…”
She’d seen every of his scars now, so she knew that much. Could only worry and draw her own conclusions while he insisted he was fine.
“I…”
It’s classified information, was the lie that came to mind, while he also wish he could just admit the truth. I was in Nibelheim too when they burned it down. I saw you. I held your unconscious body, thinking you might never wake up again. I should have told you it was me, but I was too ashamed…
His throat constricted painfully, and he swallowed, Tifa shaking her head at him.
“Not trying to pry it from you. I can tell it was…” she pondered, settling for staying as vague as possible. “…a lot.”
“Yeah… Sorry in advance if I ever wake you up with a nightmare.”
She rolled her eyes, then bit on her lower lip, unsure of what more she could say.
“I made things weird,” Cloud sighed. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m not sure anymore. What about you?”
He shrugged, sensing flirting and sex were not on her mind. And the thought reminded him he still owed her a proper date, honestly, a dozen proper dates. It felt late to go out and the town they were in didn’t have much to offer. Would she enjoy a stroll when all they did was traveling on foot or on chocobo back when they weren’t fighting against monsters or Shinra’s fighters?
“Just talk until we fall asleep?” he suggested.
She nodded, although he could sense the teasing she was holding back. He’d been so starved for contact, it seemed all the attention he could give her was when they were naked lately. She hadn’t complained about it, but he wanted to give her so much more. Cloud leaned back onto the bed, rolling on his side as Tifa followed his motion, lying next to him. The twin bed gave them barely any room, but they didn’t mind snuggling, silently finding a position that was comfortable for them both.
“You’re really okay like that?” Cloud couldn’t help but ask.
She had wrapped her legs over his, one arm under her pillow to let him share it with her, their forehead perfectly aligned, nose brushing. His arm was wrapped around her frame, hand lying on her back, fingers soon starting to toy with her long hair. It was much softer than a few days ago, although he remembered her lips more than her hair from that particular interlude.
“I love it,” Tifa told him, snapping him back to the present. “You?”
“Can’t complain,” he managed, mentally slapping himself. “Love being with you.”
Now that’s better.
The sigh of pure content she made birthed a flock of butterflies in his stomach, her free hand rubbing against his side through his shirt. Cloud was struck by a realization, squeezing her shoulder gently.
“Tifa? Would you… Would you rather we tell the others?”
She blinked at him just once, not needing precisions to understand he meant sharing that they were an item now.
“I think they already know and are not saying anything to be nice,” she chuckled, a hint of self-derisiveness at the back of her throat. “Do you want to tell them?”
“As much as I enjoy sneaking around to have you to myself… I think it’d be fine.”
“I’d like that. Being able to say Cloud Strife is my boyfriend.”
His gasp surprised him, but she was simply biting her lower lip, looking ready to apologize when she had nothing to apologize for. There had been something possessive in her voice and he wanted to hear more of that. They’d stayed away from labels, but he didn’t mind them after all. He kissed her hard, trying to convey his surprise was gone, to let her know how long he’d wanted to belong between her arms.
“My girlfriend,” he said as he pulled away for air.
Her blush was adorable, Tifa understanding why he’d gotten so flustered himself.
“Okay, that might get to my head,” she laughed.
“You’re too kind for that to happen. I gotta spoil you a lot more.”
He rubbed slow circles into her back as she brushed her nose against his neck.
“Can I ask for something?”
“Always.”
She ruffled his hair tenderly, squeezing him close, Cloud embracing her back. It was just a touch too warm, but they were too happy to mind.
“Make plans with me. Dreams for when… all this fighting is over.”
The knot growing in his throat made it impossible to breathe for the first few seconds.
I don’t know if I can…
“We’ve already agreed on me being your bouncer,” he managed instead.
“But what about when we have time off,” she insisted, her smile even warmer now.
He closed his eyes, pushing thoughts of the cellular degeneration away. His body was fine and he hadn’t tainted her despite all the thing they’d done. Under his eyelids, he found pictures of pure joy for once. Tifa with shorter hair and different clothes welcoming him to a small apartment they’d call theirs. Tifa holding his hand and arm when an episode threatened to take him. Her weight between his arms when he’d want to hold her too badly to wait any longer. Her teary smile upon finding out they might become an actual family, and the sense of protectiveness and pride that came with that thought. His eyes blinked open as he feared what more his imagination could think.
Once upon a time, he’d only dreamed of being a SOLDIER.
“There’s so many things I want,” he confessed, ears flushing.
“Me too,” Tifa reassured him. “But I want us to think of it together. Have something to look forward to, you know?”
It terrified him, but she was worth dreams, even if they might not come true.
To be continued…