It's been a week now since my one broke my heart. It's still difficult, but at least I can be in her presence without freaking out. The feelings are still there and I still want to make her happy, but I can't do that without feeling happy myself. It's kind of a complicated situation. She still makes me smile and makes me yearn for her. Last weekend I spent with my parents, away from her, and all I wanted was her with me, but the same time I didn't want her near. It was a good moment to think things over and I'm a lot calmer now. It still hurts, though. Especially when she keeps doing these little, sweet things for me. Last week she waited for me a the busstop and she told me she want to come to me after my driver's if I had succeeded. Unfortunately, I failed and still she came to me to comfort me. It's really, really, sweet of her and I like that she does it, but it's also confusing and more difficult to forget her. And I don't want to tell her, because I want to keep seeing her! I don't want distance and I know that makes it more difficult for me. But I think it would be more difficult if I wouldn't be seeing her. It's a pretty shitty situation…
In about two weeks we're going away for the holidays. I'm kind of curious to how that will be, I mean, we'll see each other a lot more then normal. From my part it's still a bit awkward, because my feelings for her were pretty strong. So yeah, I think time will point out how it will be between us. I do want to fight for our friendship, but it will be hard, for the both of us. That's what makes this situation so difficult, we both like each other, but she sees something else in a relationship then I do. It's hard to let go of the closeness we had.
Luckily, something good came out of this weekend. I received a mail from the local radiostation, inviting me for a conversation. A couple of weeks ago I mailed an job application to them, it's my dream to work for the radio and make programs. I asked if I could learn how to make radio with them and soon I have an interview. I'm really stoked about this! I will keep you posted on this little project
This weekend I came out to my sister, she turned 13 last week. I really wanted her to know I fall in love with girls. She reacted really cool, she said she had to get used to it. I told her she could always come to me with questions. I really love her!