DIRECTIONS: Put your music on shuffle and answer these questions - once you’re done, tag 10 followers.
1.FIRST SONG DESCRIBES HOW YOU DIE:
Run- Snow Patrol
2. SECOND SONG DESCRIBES YOUR LOVE LIFE:
Beautiful- Plumb
3. THIRD SONG IS PLAYED AT YOUR WEDDING:
Iris- U2
4. ADD ‘IN MY PANTS’ TO THE TITLE:
Hotblack in my pants- Oceanship
5. FIFTH SONG PLAYED AT YOU FUNERAL:
Mirrors- Justin Timberlake
6. SIXTH SONG IS YOUR THEME SONG:
Roar- Katy Perry
7. SEVENTH SONG PLAYED WHEN YOU THINK OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE:
Diamonds- Rihanna
8. ADD ‘WITH A SHOVEL AND A SCREWDRIVER’:
Impossible with a shovel and a screwdriver- Shontelle
9. NINTH SONG DESCRIBES YOUR WEEK:
The tiger inside will eat the child- Kate Miller- Heidke
10. TENTH SONG PLAYED WHEN YOU MISS SOMEONE:
Cry- Jason Walker
I Tag : Mymayofsunshine, mymadfatdiaryfinnandrae, rae-nelson, elfwonderland, thisissomefreshbullshit, lametwentysomething, brokendreams01, kru3melco0kie, ill-never-get-it-right and idontliketalkingtoanybody
rae-nelson reblogged your post so i’ve seen many people confused abou... and added:
College is something that you go to before university. It’s not high school. It’s higher education to get your A-Levels.
Well, isn't high school the same thing? Tbh i go to a british school here in rome but I never heard anyone call it College, just sixth form or year 12/13. What i meant to say when I said high school was sixth form :)
So, I was going through my pendrive and I found this lovely little (well sad) One shot that Alex wrote and sent to me a while back, just after I published the one of 'Rinn' Losing their baby. I'll do this in a 'Read more' Post as it's quite long and don't wanna take too much of the tag up.
Cream. They had finally decided on a colour and it was cream, well more Rae decided as Finn gave up with the arguing and let her chose as he just wanted to make her happy and to stop the arguing. Now, he'd give anything in the world to hear the fire in her voice, do anything to see the smug smile that was carved into her lips when he gave in - as now she would barely mumble a word. Now, she would barely leave that cream coloured room. She would always be in the same spot, in the wooden rocking chair exactly six footsteps away from the cot. She would always wear that same expression, if you could even call it that as it was blank; the look of pure loss.
Losing something you didn’t even know you wanted to begin with was a new territory for the two. Finn felt like they were always battling something. That they were never allowed to just be still.
He would sometimes make an attempt to conqour his fears and join her, but as soon as his eyes would lay on the wooden blocks and the painting of Winnie the Pooh that carried balloons which spelled out '---- Room' As the name was yet to be filled out as they had yet to find out the sex; Finn would bow his head and retreat back to their bedroom - A place Rae hadn't slept in for two months.
He always imagined it to be a little girl. A little girl with her mother's hair and his eyes, a little girl who was a beautiful mixture of the two. Curled into his side with it’s tiny hand clinging to Finn's thumb. He could almost smell the warm milk and soft scent of soap. Could feel it’s tiny frame against his chest but he always knew it wasn’t there. He knew that each time the little one would appear; he knew he was dreaming. He was still months away from meeting his child but every night in his dreams, he would hold it. He would count it’s tiny pink toes and kiss it’s fingers. In his dreams he would listen to it coo in his arms, a gurgle and a cry sometimes. It may have been growing inside of her but every night when he slept; it lived inside of him.
He can still remember when he found out of the news, the news they were going to be bringing an addition to family. He remembers the frightened look in her eyes when she looked up from the toilet, the cheap and plastic stick in her hand; glaring up at him. As he ventured through the high street on his lunch break that Friday morning, he saw them; white laces and the colour of baby blue. He remembers how through the remainder of his shift at the office he stared at the little shoes, how he could picture them being worn by a mini-Rae - and the thought couldn't have made him happier. He remembers returning that evening to find her at the dining table, head burried in work. He placed the tiny Converse on a pile of papers and gave her a peaceful smile as she looked up with a frown, he then softly spoke "I saw these in town..." And he had never seen Rae happier.
He just couldn't pin point where in that time between then and now had it all gone wrong, they'd done everything right. She ate right, he always made sure the temperature in the bedroom was right just before they slept, made sure she never ate takeaway or drank when they were out, he had even read the bloody baby books that Linda had lent them. They had done everything right, but as the doctor said; these things happen - Finn just couldn't understand why it happened to them.
Finn had seen it happen in the films, saw it on the telly, heard about it happen to a friend of a friend through passing. He always felt a pang of sympathy and sadness for said person, but never paid too much attention to it as he never would've thought he'd be one of those people that people like him would be feeling sorry for - he never would've thought to be that friend of a friend who's just lost their baby.
Rae hadn't left the house for two months, leaving Finn to be the one to deal with the 'So sorry for your loss' Speeches and the sympathetic looks as he walked through the high street. But nobody ever prepares you for it, nobody ever prepares you for the pain of losing a child, nobody ever prepares you for the sadness that follows and nobody prepares you for emptiness. Nobody visited the day after the news broke, it wasn't until several days later - that's when the flowers flooded the rooms and the house suddenly became alive again. But that was only for a few weeks, evenutally the flowers died and withered away, the house quietened down and soon; it was just the two of them again. Finn remembers the sympathetic faces, the kind words they spoke and the beautiful flowers - but none of them could fill that void of emotion that was vastly growing. He remembers how Rae never left their bedroom that day, how she just laid on her side and cried whilst clutching those little blue Converse to her chest. He remembers how he climbed into bed and pulled her into an embrace, he remembers the hurt he felt when she shoved him away before turning her back to him and crying harder.
As two months grew to five; Rae still never left that cream coloured room and whenever she did she would only ever leave to shower or go the toilet and then return back to her place in that rocking chair in that cream coloured room. Finn was growing used to her cold behaviour but he was still not used to that room, it was as if that was Rae's room and Rae's room alone and he would cringe whenever someone would visit and go into that room to see her - That was Rae's Room.
As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, Finn carried on with the normality of work, going the pub every Friday and just getting on with it - whilst Rae stayed in her room. The cracks in their marriage becoming as clear as the cracks in the cream coloured paint. As Finn would return home each night, he would check on her; only stopping in the doorway as he could never step fully inside.
As five months grew to eight; Finn was finally getting used to going into the room - almost numb to the sadness it still held. Now, barely anyone came to visit as the house was too sad to sit in for longer than half an hour. But Finn was used to it.
It was coming up to the year mark, the date that Finn dreaded most. In a pathetic but thoughtful way to take an eighth of her pain away; Finn bought her flowers. White roses. He pulled up on the drive and took a pen out of his dashboard, along with the little card from the beautifully wrapped bunch; he went to begin to write on the card when he felt his stomach knot - an unsettled feeling bubbled away in the pit of his stomach. So, he tucked the card back into the bunch before climbing out the car and making his way up the path of the dark and grieving house. That night he didn't do his usual routine of wiping his shoes twice on the faded and worn 'WELCOME' Matt or shrug his jacket off to hang it on the sterling coat peg, he headed straight for upstairs and to that cream coloured room. It was empty, she was no longer in that beautifully carved rocking chair.
It had been three months since she left that rocking chair, it had been three months since she left that cream coloured room and it had been three months since he found her. Nobody prepares you for the loss of a child, but nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of your best friend. Finn never steps into that cream coloured room anymore and he gave his friend of a friend that rocking chair to put in their newly painted nursey as they expected their third child.
Two years become six and Finn has a new family, a beautiful wife and a little girl with brown, bouncy curls and the bluest eyes you'll ever see. The cream coloured room is now painted a lavender and the house is happy again. One night, as he kisses his little girl to say goodnight, he spots it; the colour of cream as the lavender wallpaper is beginning to turn away. He can't help but smile at the little patch of cream as it's Rae's way of saying "Never forget me."
