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Almost

The pain I had to go through writing this for homework... I can't even with it anymore... I'm glad I turned it in and bleh.. Watch me get chewed on it tomorrow... Next up essay homework...))

Can you tell me

How can one miss what she's never had

How could I reminisce when there is no past

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy

Could someone tell me how can this be

I stopped just before I could go on into the second part of the first verse. I could hear my instructor saying or screaming, “It has to be more haunting. Emotions, Cel.” Why did I even pick this song? I remembered randomly picking this song by clicking around my iTunes and Almost by Tamia appeared on the screen. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair while taking out the messy knots and staring at the music sheets. My hands reached for the keys again, but stopped. Must I play it with emotions? It was the worst thing that my instructor could say and the worst timing to pick a song like this. Taking a deep breath, I slowly pressed the keys again, but I barely managed with through the first measure without feeling the pain again. It just hurt to feel lost and without love, but it was a decision that I made.

I sighed and bent down, searching in my backpack. I pulled out my music player and stuck in my pocket before getting up. Good thing I had asked Michelle for her speakers, but I had a feeling that my own sister dashed off with them in her huge gymnastics bag. I wasn’t going to break them; though, I couldn’t say the same for mine that I broke years ago and I never felt like buying another one. I took a small walk to my room to retrieve my full-sized headphones. As I took my steps upstairs, an image caught my eye. I slowly turned my head, pressing my fingers against the frame with a light touch. “I thought Mom took this off the wall,” I mumbled. The longer I stared at the photo; the more I could hear my five year old voice giggling in my head. A bright grin was on the tiny girl’s lips that haven’t changed in years; though, this picture that was dated back in 1998. Well, July 25, 1998 was the printed date. Thin male arms hugged her in the photo. He was smiling, as his eyes gave a stare like he was looking into the camera.

Memories flashed as I faded to the past, seeing a music book through my five year old vision. I was playing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and being slowly introduced to the five note scale of do-re-mi-fa-so. My tiny fingers could barely stretch out and reach the fourth key of the C major scale. It was my first time playing and had been getting lessons for a while, but I was still struggling because I was just so tiny. “Celeste,” I remembered a voice had called from behind the wall. I had smiled at the recognition of the voice. “Gege!” My little feet landed on the soft carpet since I was about two feet off the ground when I was sitting on the bench. I pattered downed the hall and hugged my favorite person in the whole world. “Was that you playing the piano, Cellie?” Rain had asked me. I nodded, when my dad got down to Rain Gege’s eye level. “Celeste, you should play a song for Rain Gege.” He looks over at the boy. “You would like that, don’t you?” Rain nodded his head as I recalled that I was jumping up and down very excited for him to hear me play. “Gege, come on!” I smiled happily, pulling Rain down the hall.

Then I snapped back to reality, looking back at the photo. My phone was buzzing in my back pocket of my jeans. I reached back, pulling it out to see who was calling me. It was Liz, my manager. I sighed, knowing she was probably calling about my progress with the concert performance piece. I slide across the touch screen and held the Galaxy phone up to my ear. “Hello,” I said.

“Celeste, do you mind coming in today? I know you’re practicing at home, but Linda asked you to come in to show progress. And I hope you don’t mind, I asked Aileen to help the group with choreography,” my manager said. I could hear rushing wind and static in the background, which meant that she was driving. She was on her way. Really? This meant I had no choice, but to go.

“No, I don’t mind,” I lied, quickly and quietly run-walking upstairs to my room. I pulled the door open, scanning for my giant headphones. I also grabbed my mini backpack that was near my night stand. I pulled open the bag and went to my desk. Papers and textbooks covered the entire area. I spotted a large hill of work next to my lamp, math problems scattered across the papers. I picked up the math work that I was doing the night before and found my pink Beats there.

Liz continued speaking as if I was acting calm. “Good, I’m on my way because if you didn’t come, Linda wants me to kidnap you back to the studio either way.” I could hear her chuckle over the phone. “Be ready soon,” she said.

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to deal with people right now, but I didn’t have choice. “All right, I’ll be ready in a bit,” I said, “Bye.” I hung up and shoved the device back in my back pocket. According to my mirror, I was already “dressed” with jeans and an Aèropostale t-shirt. I might as well just toss on a jacket and scarf, so that everything can be over with. I slide open my closet door and glanced at the portion where the outer coats were at. I could smell the moth balls that my mom left inside, but I could still smell dust around the area. I reached in searching for an article of clothing that is comfortable and not too styled. I peered at three coats before I saw gray male zip-up jacket. I pulled it out, running my hands over the large company logo.

I held the jacket up to my nose, taking in the scent. Aside from the sharp moth balls scent, there was a smell of dust. It caused in itch in the back of my nose and throat, causing me to sneeze. “Ugh…” I wheezed. My head ached as I recollected my current state. Wrinkling my nose, I gave the jacket other look. “Here, you’ll catch a cold,” I remembered Rain saying, as the weather poured water down in the streets of Anaheim. He placed his gray jacket over my petite body. I wore a thin hoodie that made me shiver in the rainy weather, nor did I even bring an umbrella with me. I didn’t even expect it to rain since the chances were in the thirties. Though he was warmer than I was, wearing a red sweater, which was over a blue plaid flannel. “Hmm… Oh, thanks,” I replied back, holding onto one edge of the jacket in my hand. “Let’s wait till the rain lightens up a bit and I’ll take you home. I don’t want you walking home in the rain at this time of hour and catching a cold after too.” Rain explained as the shops around us started to close for the night. I nodded, looking at the pouring rain. The two of us were wet when the rain started to pour. It was going to take awhile for it to end, but it was good to be near him. “Celeste, you better stand closer to me. You’re gonna get wet.” I heard him say.

Buzz buzz buzz. My phone went off as I returned to the present time. I pulled it out from my pocket to see the message light blinking. Liz was just minutes away till she reaches my front door. I unzipped the jacket that I was holding and tossed it over my shoulders, slipping my arms through and pulled the metal tab back up. I walked back downstairs, fumbling through the small backpack. Pulling out my music player, I placed in it in the bag. I arrived back to the piano station and dropped my small bag down on the bench. I plucked the music sheets off the piano and placed it on the bench. Bending down, I dug through my school bag and pulled out my wallet. I packed in my usual girl stuff when I needed it. I decided to hand my Beats around my neck. I glanced around the bag to see if I was missing anything. One thing caught my eye on my living room table, my notebook that was full of my notes for the performance and other things.

I got up and walked over grabbed my binder. Music sheets were sticking out of it and being the lazy person I am, I didn’t feel like organizing it. I tapped the bottom and the binding corners to make sure everything looked neatly placed inside. I stuck the Almost music sheets in the binder as well, before shoving everything in the backpack. Everything managed to fit nicely, but not perfect. I didn’t even bother with it. I closed the bag and swung it over my shoulder when I heard a honk at my door. Liz was here; fast driver with her Mustang. I paced to the front door while grabbing my keys from the key hanger on my way out. After locking the door, I clipped my keys to my belt loop and strolled to Liz’s car. She popped the lock that made a loud clip before I pulled the car door open.

“Good morning… Afternoon, whatever you call it,” she said, welcoming me in her car as usual. “But knowing you, it would be morning since you love to sleep in.”

I smiled, “It’s two in the afternoon, Liz, but yeah… It’s morning to me.” I buckled me and dug through my bag again as she pulled out of my driveway. I took the end of my headphones and plugged it in the music player, pulling the headphones over my head and covering my ears. I clicked random and listened Pretending from Glee.

Face to face and heart to heart

We're so close yet so far apart

I close my eyes I look away

That's just because I'm not okay

But I hold on, I stay strong

Wondering if we still belong

Great! A song that made me feel guilty because of my stupidity. I wanted to change it, but I didn’t want to look too stupid in front of my manager. I allowed the song to play as I sat there quietly.

*****

“Celeste, play it again,” my instructor said.

I sighed. We’ve been going at this song for an hour now. The minute Liz dropped me off and I was rushed to the recital room. How could my manager do this to me? I made a silent cry in my head when I was told to start playing the song for Linda.

“No. No. No. Celeste, that’s not how you play it,” Linda said again, after I managed to get through the first verse. “Have you been practicing?”

I nodded and mumbled, “Yeah, I have…”

“Then why can’t you practice with emotions. The song is about missing something that you don’t have? Access that emotion… Memory,” she said, but I was barely paying much attention as I thought back.

I remembered hearing coughing as I neared his room. I cracked the door open and slowly walked it. The facet was running as I heard sniffing from the inside. A tiny Maltese dog wiggling his little tail greeted me, barking happily. I pressed my index finger on my lips to tell Nemo to be quiet, but it was too late. Rain came out of his bathroom, face and hair dripping with water. A white towel was around his neck. I could have sworn there were patches of pink on there. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “Just seeing how you are doing that’s all. Spencer was getting worried that his older brother might be doing something stupid again. Spencer may look like he hates you, he cares you know,” I said. Nemo was jumping up and down, begging me to carry him. I bent down and picked him up, carrying the tiny puppy in my arms. “Trust me, I’m fine.” He said, wiping his mouth with towel. “Rain, I’m just here because I care about you,” I said, placing a hand on his cheek, but he brushed it away. “Look, Celeste. I’m fine.” Rain argued. I stared at the pink marks on the towel. I knew he wasn’t fine. The situation was getting worse. I didn’t want to lash out at him; it wasn’t worth the time too, but I was slowly getting angry. It has been going for too long. “Rain, you’re not.” I took a step closer to him, reaching for the towel. Nemo had jumped off my arms and run away somewhere, knowing that he wanted to give us some privacy. “That’s blood, isn’t it? Tell me that is blood. I told you to stop pushing yourself.” I stared at the cloth. “Celeste, I’m really fine. Honest.” He said, brushing off with a lie, but it was then he started to cough again. His hand covered his mouth. As soon he took his hand away, my eyes widened. Blood was on his hand. “Rain, you’re not fine. For God’s sake, please go to the hospital,” I told him, as I held his arm. He pulled away. “I’m fine.” I could feel the tears in my eyes. I looked at him, but the next thing I knew were words that I didn’t expect myself to say. “If you’re not going to get help, that’s fine, but I’m not going to stand by and watch you suffer because of your stupidity. Everyone is worried about you. I’m sorry for being insensitive, but I’m done. Like I said, I don’t want to sit by and watch this. I’m tired of seeing you be stubborn about it. I’m sick of pretending. I’m done.” I turned my back away from him. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice.” I held back my tears, not even turning to see his expression and walked out.

“Celeste. Celeste.” Finger snapping sounds woke me up from my memory.

“Huh?” I blinked for a moment. “Oh sorry, Linda. I didn’t mean to blank out for a moment.” Do I feel water in my eyes? Crap… I quickly wiped my eyes as Linda let out a sigh.

My coordinator run her fingers through her hair and spoke. “Well, if you can’t sing the song, we’ll have to cut it.”

I looked at her. “No, please don’t. I know I have a few more days till the concert, but please give me a chance. I’ll try my best then. Just please don’t cut it.” Then I heard the door open, a blonde popped her head inside the room. It was Diana.

“Hey, Linda. Can I kidnap your student right now?” she smiled.

Linda waved her hand in a way that allowed me to be released. “Yeah, sure… Celeste, remember emotion.”

I got up and gathered my music sheets, stuffing them inside the binder and grabbed my bag. I rushed out, but I bowed and said thank you to Linda. “Thanks, Diana,” I said, “Is everyone in the dance room?”

Diana nodded, “Yeah, we were all waiting for you to be done.”

“Right…” I said, as the two of us reached the dance studio. I pulled the door open to see my group there. So was our choreographer, my best friend, Aileen.

“Everyone’s here,” Vanessa clapped her hands together.

I looked at Leenie and said, “So where do we beginning?”

*****

I was on the ground, sweating from dancing for three hours straight. Learning dance moves from my best friend was a pain, but she knew what was best for the song. Leenie gave us a fifteen minute break so that she could get a light snack. That bunny always hungry for that one carrot; that carrot was actually chocolate because it was something Aileen would snack on since Spencer banned her from eating it at their apartment.

“Here,” Calida said, holding out a water bottle for me.

I took the bottle in my hand. “Thanks.” I cracked it open and took a big gulp from it.

“So, Cel… How is that solo going?” Paulina asked me.

I turned to her and spoke, “Linda says that I should play it with emotion.” I took another gulp from the bottle.

“But you always play with emotions. You’re our main vocalist for a reason. You can trance people very easily. It’s like an angel…” Vanessa said.

“Yeah, I know, but the song… I just can’t bring out the right emotion. According to Linda, I’m playing the music and singing as it is written. I just feel like Linda is right about cutting it. I know I can’t do it. I can’t play it the way I want to pla-”

“Honey! No, you have to sing it. I’ve heard the original. I know your cover will be just as good,” Vanessa said, cutting me off.

“I agree with Nessa. Remember when you first sang in the recording studio, even the CEO applauded you,” Diana said.

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t feel ready,” I told them. I heard the dance studio door open and close again. That meant Leenie was back. “I told Linda I’ll practice till I get better to the way she likes it.” Besides, what’s the harm in a song? I looked up to see Leenie looking back at me. Just by reading her eyes, she knew what my problem was. Of course, she was Spencer’s fiancée, a.k.a. Rain’s first sister-in-law. At the age of twenty, Leenie moved faster than I do and I was almost twenty-one. Curse that bunny girl, but she was my best friend after all.

“Do you guys mind if I talk to Cel alone?” she asked the group. My four group mates looked at her as if she was crazy. “Get some dinner. I’m giving you guys an hour,” Aileen told them.

Vanessa nodded, “Food is good. Come on, I know a place.” I watched the other three agree. The group got up and left. Food would make them leave, Leenie was smart. When they left out the door, Aileen sat close to me.

“How are you doing? And be honest, Cel. I know you,” she said.

I sighed, “Horrible. It’s my fault that this happened. I chose to leave him.”

My best friend reached over and patted my shoulder. "I know you feel horrible, but what’s happening to him isn’t your fault… You know that, Celeste. Look, Spencer told me that Rain is going through a tough time right now and he needs someone else besides his family there for him… Maybe you should consider going to go see him…"

Running my fingers through my hair, Aileen was right, but how could I. “I guess… Leenie, I broke his heart like three weeks ago.”

"That shouldn’t matter. You’re still a part of his life, Cel. You two have so much history together. You two may have broken up, but everything you’ve been through with him… all the memories… They can’t be thrown away that easily. He needs you, Cel. Girlfriend or not, you’re family to him. You’re still someone close to his heart," she told me. That’s a wonderful way to put it, Leenie. She loved to show some tough love every time I was in a situation like this.

“All right… I guess…” I sighed. Then Map the Soul from Epik High went off, Aileen quickly got up and ran to her bag that was several feet away from where we were sitting. I knew that ringtone anywhere. It was her I.D. ringtone for Spencer.

“Bao Bao, what a surprise… I thou-” Aileen began sweet talking, before she tried to calm her fiancée down. “Wait? Slow down… Yeah, she’s with me… Yeah, I’ll tell her.” She hung up as I looked up at her. She looked white with whatever Spencer told her. My best friend looked back me.

“What? What did Spencer say?” I asked her. I was curious, but I didn’t know what to expect from the words that will soon come out of her lips.

“Rain’s in the hospital.”

I looked at her, eyes wide. My throat was dry on what to say next. I felt my hands tremble as my eyes watered. I curled up in a ball on the dance floor. I didn’t know how to react, but the only thing I could remember was Aileen coming over and putting her arms around me.

*****

It had been a few days since Aileen told me that Rain was in the hospital. She took me home when the group came back, explaining to them that I wasn’t feeling well. It was the day before the performance. Everything was now being rushed. Linda was still yelling at me for not concentrating when I was trying my best to play the song. She had threatened to cut my only solo out, but I had to beg her to let me keep it in. She even had a talk with Liz, but my manger was able to chill her down knowing that I knew what I was doing. At the moment, I was sitting on my piano bench, staring at the music sheets when I heard my dad coming out. He was probably heading to hospital to check on everything for his shift.

He passed by me, staring at me with an expression. “Celeste, is something wrong?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing really…” I said, then biting my lip.

“Okay then, be good. I’m heading out to check with my patients,” Dad said, as he adjusted his coat.

“Ah,” I nodded, turned my attention back to the piano before thinking again. “Hey, Dad…?”

“Hmmm…?” He hummed.

“Is Rain at your hospital right?” I asked.

Dad’s expression changed. He knew what I was talking about.

“Yeah, he is. Do you want to see him?” He asked, knowing it was going to be a stupid question knowing that I’m his daughter.

“Yeah…” I said, as I got up.

“Hop in. I’ll take you.”

Without another word, I grabbed my small backpack and keys. I walked out with my father and into his car. The car ride was quiet. When Dad knew something was wrong with me, he would stop asking me questions. Though, ride was about fifteens long, he knew I was in a hurry. When we arrived at his office, there was a handful of paparazzis there. I propped up my hood and hid my hair. I shoved on my sunglasses that I pulled out from my bag.

“Be careful,” Dad told me as he dropped me off near the emergency room. “He’s not going to be in the ER. He’s in the normal visiting place. You’ll have to ask the receptionist for his room number. That’s all I know. Okay?”

I pushed my glasses down a bit, giving my father a look. “Dad, do you often check up on him?”

“Maybe,” he laughed.

“Whatever happened to privacy,” I smiled, before closing the door. Dad sped off to park his car and now I was alone. I sighed and walked to the front of the hospital, carefully passing the cameramen. Security guards were there to make sure that they didn’t come in. It wasn’t much of a pretty sight to see, but I did my best on sneaking passing them. Once through the sliding doors, I pulled off my glasses and hood, allowing my hair to flow freely. The receptionist was on the phone when I got to the desk. I stood there for a few moments before he hung up.

“Hi, I’m looking for Rain Jian Yu Choi’s room,” I asked.

The guy shook his head. “Restricted personnel only. No fans, just family and family-friends that were brought in here by family members only.”

I was called a fan. That hurt, but it was true, I was a fan of Rain on a bias point of view. I was also a family-friend and his ex-girlfriend. Then again, I think the guy doesn’t really know who I am, but it was fine since I had other ways to get access in. “His agency would keep him under guarded,” I mumbled to myself, before speaking to the front desk person. “Do you mind giving Dr. Nathan Li a call? He’s my dad. He gave me permission to see Rain,” I said. Let’s just hope my dad made it to his office fast.

“Okay, let me give his office a call,” the guy said. He picked up the phone again and dialed my dad’s office. I awkwardly stood there, waiting for my dad to hurry up and pick up the phone. The receptionist sighed and hung up. “He’s not at his office. Let me give a quick call to his cell.” He searched on a list that was taped to his desk, scanning for my father’s name. Once he found it, he dialed my father’s cell number after pressing the extension nine. He placed the phone back up to his ear. I assumed after a few rings my dad picked up. “Dr. Li, I have a young lady that is here to see a patient, who is under restrictive visiting schedule… Oh, she’s your daughter… All right, I’ll let her in, sir… Okay, thank you. Have a nice day,” he said, before hanging up. “So… Let’s see…” He scanned his computer, typing in Rain’s name. “He’s in 407.”

“Ah, thank you,” I smiled.

“What’s your name?” He asked me, while taking out a marker to write on a visitor’s pass.

“Celeste Li.”

He scribbled my name on the sticker, along with the room number. The receptionist looked back up at me before handing my name tag. “Like the pop star from WISH that debuted a while ago?” He asked, just as I was about to walk through the double doors that were propping open for me.

I nodded my head, awkwardly. “Yeah. The very one...” I quickly left before he could ask for my autograph or picture. There was no time for that. I looked around, following the signs that lead me to the elevator. I pressed the up button and waited till a bell sound went off. The door slid open, empty with no one inside. I stepped inside and pressed the “4” button. Soon the lift moved up and stopped at the fourth floor. The doors opened and I stepped out. There was a sign pointing where which rooms were where in number order. I turned to my right and there was another sign pointing me to the right where Rain’s room number fell in between. I slowly walked taking my time, but when I looked down the hall I knew which room was gonna be his. A security guard sat there as I walked up.

“Hi,” I waved. “I’m here to see Rain.”

“The front desk told me you were coming. Go ahead and walk in,” he said, using his head to point at the closed door.

“Thank you,” I said, and grabbed the door handle. I cracked the door open to get the first thing that came to my sense. Ellen Degeneres' voice was howling a different language on the television screen. Finding Nemo… He’s twenty-six. He would be playing his favorite movie here. The curtain was covering half of the room up, allowing him to hide from the door. I slowly walked over. I was nervous; it’s been a while since I last saw him. I reached out and slowly pulled the blue curtain back to see him asleep on the hospital bed with his Nemo doll. There was an empty chair next to him and bottled water. I took off my backpack and placed it on the chair.

He looked skinnier and pale. Purple bags formed under his eyes. I pulled the chair quietly towards the head of the bed. There was a towel on the metal stand. By the looks of it, I could see Rain was having night sweats. I grabbed the towel and brought it to the bathroom and rinsed it out with warm water before turning off the hot water. I allowed the ice cold liquid freeze my fingers through the towel. Once I felt like it was full of water, I ringed out the excess water and fold it in a square. I walked back to out, heading to the head of the bed again. I slowly bent down, making sure I didn’t make a sound and carefully patted the sweat from Rain. I brushed his hair back to get the ones on his forehead before I heard him mumble and slowly open his eyes to see who was here.

“Hey,” I said, “Did you sleep well?”

Rain took a deep breath and blinked several more times. “Yeah… What are you doing here?” He asked, sitting up straight.

I sat down and patted his cheek with the towel before I spoke. “Spencer told Aileen, who told me about what happened? Good thing I got access here.” I smiled a bit, before looking at him. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened. I know was being insensitive and I didn’t want to be mean or anything.” I sighed, putting the towel on the table.

“Is that all?” He asked.

I nodded, “Yeah…”

“Okay… But I should have listened to you, and-”

I cut him off. “You’re stubborn and yet you said I was worse-”

“No, that’s not true,” he argued with a smile and laugh. It felt good to see him smile. I missed that laugh and everything about him these past few weeks. “But yes, I agree. I am stubborn and I knew I shouldn’t push myself like that. I was wrong. You warned every time to go, but I refused except for one time… I still pushed myself. And…” He looked at me. “I’m sorry.”

I reached over, holding his hand. “You’re forgiven, but still an idiot,” I smiled. He returned the smile and rubbed his thumb over my fingers. It felt calm for some reason.

“Oh, hey…” He held up my hand for him to see. “You’re still wearing it.” I was confused, but then I realized that I had a ring on my right ring finger. Two wings on opposite ends of each other holding an emerald in the center, the ring I bought when I was in Los Angeles. It was the second half of the couple’s ring that I brought for… the two of us. I looked up at Rain, who pulled out a chain around his neck that had his December birthstone on it. “I still keep it with me for good luck,” he said.

I was speechless. I collected my thoughts for a moment. “Um… You still have it?” I chuckled, nervously.

“Yeah… Celeste, I know you said you were done, but I’m not.” He held on to my hand tightly. “And I don’t want to push again, but I love you. Would you-”

“No,” I said, pulling my hand away. I stood up, grabbing my backpack. “Rain, whatever you’ve done was idiotic and stupid. I don’t want to stand by and constantly watch that. Yes, you are forgiven, but by now, I just need time to think. I’m afraid you’ll do it again. So, no…” What was I saying? Yes would have been the answer, but I felt choked up again. Maybe some time to think would be nice. I sighed and pulled the ring off my finger, placing it on the table in front of him. “Keep it.” I turned around and left.

I could hear Rain groan because of my stupidity, but I had to accept the fact that there things that I couldn’t deal with anymore. As I walked through the door, I left my past behind with him.

*****

“You’re going up in five,” a stage crew member said.

I was already dressed and sitting with the make-up crew as they did my hair and make-up. “Are we ready?” I asked.

“Almost. Cynthia is going one last- And done!” Melinda said.

I hopped off the high chair. “Thank you, guys.”

“Break a leg, hon!” Cynthia called as the crowd cheered.

“Will do!” I yelled back as I walked up on stage. Remember emotion, I said to myself. Dressed in a simple asymmetrical pink dress and a hair band over my head, I did one last tweak in a mirror that was near the stage.

“Get on the bench!” The crew member yelled.

I nodded and rushed up on stage, staying in the wings. Another crew member flashed a light at me showing me the way to the piano. From the lighting, I could see the piano made of glass or crystal. I couldn’t tell for sure, but it was clear. My music sheets were there and ready to go.

“Diana’s getting off. Black out. Go! Break a leg!” The stage manager said, to the deck members. With all their strength they wheeled in on the black stage and rushed off. Soon the lights came back on, I could hear screaming fans as I started to play. I could hear my voice echo through the arena as I sang through the first part of the song, and then black out again. No more piano. Just like how we rehearsed it, now I had to sing with a track. I pulled the microphone off the stand that hung above the piano and rushed to center stage. When the lights came back on, I started to walk down the aisle singing the second part.

I cannot believe I let you go

Or what I should say is I shoulda grabbed you up and never let you go

I shoulda went out with you

I shoulda made you my boo boy

Yes that's one time I shoulda broke the rules

I tried my best holding back my tears. My eyes watered. The second verse was getting to me when it reflected what I did at the hospital yesterday, but I accepted it. I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. As the track kept on playing, I sang out the harmony to fight back the tears. When the song slowly came to an end, I smiled and waited for black out. When it happened, crew members guided me down the stage and to the dressing rooms. They were congratulating me on my performance. I smiled and thanked them as I walked into the dressing rooms to change my outfit. Squeals filled the room, I covered my ears. My group tackled me when I stepped in, except for Calida who was performing.

“That was great, Celeste!” Vanessa screamed in my ear.

“Thanks,” I said.

“No seriously. That was better than we’ve imagined it,” Diana said.

“Impressive, Celeste,” Linda said, clapping her hands. “I didn’t expect you to pull off such emotions in such a short time frame.”

“I told you she can do it. After all, the company did choose her out of 3000 applicants. She got the talent, looks, and personality,” Liz smiled.

“Yeah, thanks for having such faith in me,” I laughed.

“Oh and there was someone looking for you, hon,” my manager said. “I think he’s-”

“He?!” I yelled.

Liz nodded. “Yeah, he’s talking to Cynthia-” I quickly dashed out the door without hearing another word from my manager. Though, I did hear her scream “rude” when I left. Running his heels stuck, but I did my best to run to where the make-up crew was. Could it be Dad, Alex, or… I made a plea in my head hoping it was him, but Alex or Dad would be nice.

“Hey, Cynthia,” I called, “Liz told me you were talkin-”

“Right there, babe,” Cynthia pointed over to the exit door. “Yeah, he’s wearing a hat.” I looked over to the door, in the dark I could make out a darker figure.

“Thanks,” I said, rushing off.

My mysterious friend looked up from his cap and smiled at me as I got close. “What took you so long?” He said. “I was stuck here waiting for you.” I recognized that voice.

“Did my Dad let you out of the hospital?” I questioned the male. “Well, he did have the authorization for it, but still… Why are you here? I didn’t tell you anything about this.”

“Actually, your dad did and since he knew what my illness was, he sent me packing with the medication I need... Don’t kill him okay, but he read your diary,” Rain said.

I nearly screamed, but I realized I couldn’t. “No… He didn’t.”

“And I was worried about you knowing that you rejected me offer without even thinking,” he said.

“And…?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Well, there is only one girl that could only wear a promise ring with her birthstone on it,” he said, pulling out the piece of jewelry. He took my right hand and slipped on the ring. “Besides, I know you. So you can’t lie about not wanting to be with me.” He smiled. It was then I slapped him. He looked shocked. “What was that for?”

“For being the idiot you are,” I said, then kissing the slapped cheek. “And this is for understanding me.” I smiled. “Now go to the stage manager and get a V.I.P seat. Okay? I need to go get ready for our next number.”

“Okay,” he said, “Break a leg.” He planted a small kiss on my lips. “That’s good luck.” I rolled my eyes when I heard my manager calling for me. “Go! I’ll see you soon.”

I nodded and rushed back to the dressing room, enjoying what I thought I almost had.

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