summary: it's your first christmas together after jungkook's return. however, you always spend the holidays back home. and this time, he's invited. jungkook has to overcome his fear of facing your family after all that's happened. he soon realises what he was avoiding is what he needed all along.
from the rough edges series
pairing: jungkook x f!reader
genre: fluff, romance, college sweetheart, ex-gang member jk
words: 8k
the alarm rings on your side table, and you wince, eyes still shut, willing to continue the dream you were having. behind you, there’s movement and shifting as jungkook reaches over, hand fumbling about as he tries to dismiss the alarm.
peace resumes seconds later and his warmth blankets you, arms pulling you close, resting his face in the crook of your neck. “time to wake up.” he mutters.
you protest with a whine and feel his smile against your skin, rolling over to melt into his arms. “don’t wanna.”
jungkook sighs, cherishing moments like these where he gets to wake up next to you on the weekends, and laze around. despite your unwillingness to get up, you don’t go back to sleep, choosing to lay in his arms, head against his chest while jungkook runs a soothing hand on your back.
his eyes flicker out the window, where the sun would usually come shining in by this hour. but a new season has taken over, and the clouds leave a trail of shadows behind.
“two weeks till christmas.” he mutters and your eyes flip open.
“excited?” you say, shifting your head to look up at him. “our first time celebrating together since college.”
jungkook stretches his free side and shifts to lie on his back, hand behind his head. “i’m just glad i don't have to spend it cooped up with jaemin.”
“aw but the pictures of you two wearing christmas hats together was so cute.” you chuckle.
it was one of the few pictures they took together, and he’d explained how they missed celebrating christmas so much that they put hats on and had a christmas movie marathon that day.
jungkook smiles but pretends he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. then he rolls back over and rests his top half over yours, making you groan as he lets his weight rest on you. “much rather be right here.” he comments, face smooshed into the pillow next to your head.
“yeah,” your voice comes out strangled beneath him and he laughs, lifting himself. he lowers himself comfortably to your chest and your hands gently brush his hair.
you stay that way for a moment, feeling his body rise and fall against you as he fights falling back asleep.
“my dad’s really excited to meet you.”
jungkook’s eyes snap open suddenly, no longer drowsy, or calm. they find your as he lifts his head. “your dad- oh are we- for christmas?”
his reaction tickles you, but he’s absolutely serious now, abandoning his comfy position and sitting up on the bed, facing you. your hand rests on his. “you know i always spend christmas back home.”
“right.” his body deflates. “i forgot.”
“and you’re coming with me,” you say, getting up yourself, “you’ve been invited.”
“more like summoned.” jungkook gulps, pouting when you break into laughter. “does he…approve…of me? of us?”
“if he didn’t, he wouldn’t bother.” you reassure him. “he’s dying to finally meet the person i was willing to risk my life over.”
jungkook’s mind goes into a frenzy every time he thinks about facing your dad. how could he, when he’d put you in danger all those years ago? landed you in the hospital with a concussion after being held hostage with a gun to your head?
“you know actually…” jungkook clears his throat, “i might stay and look over the studio. if everyone’s going home then i’m gonna need to…you know…take on clients or…walk-ins…”
the blank stare in your eyes tells him you’re not buying it. jungkook had avoided every trip back home since. there was always something. and you always gave him the benefit of the doubt. but logically, you know what he’s doing, and you know why he’s so skittish.
you tilt your head, “jungkook, you can’t avoid him forever.”
“i’m not-” he snorts, fumbling over his words, “i w- it’s just not- you’re crazy.”
you raise a brow, resisting the urge to burst out laughing. jungkook winces at his own pathetic attempt.
“sorry.” he mutters quietly. “you’re not crazy.”
you laugh, shoving him hard enough to make him fall against the mattress. he bounces right back with an embarrassed smile, dimples showing.
“come on,” you say, “he’s my dad. don’t you want to meet him too?”
“i do.” he says quickly, suddenly realising how this might affect you. “it’s just that i…”
“you’re scared, i know.” his body relaxes with your touch, hand wrapping around his. “but why? what exactly are you afraid of?”
“baby, i put his daughter in harm’s way, almost got you killed, how could he ever look at me and think i’m worthy of being with you after all that?” he asks quietly, and it hurts you to know he’s still punishing himself for the past.
“except that’s not all you did…you also took a bullet for me that night.” you remind him, and he leans into your touch. “and he knows why you did what you did.”
jungkook’s eyes widen slightly, “wait you told him everything?”
“i had to, jungkook.” you tilt your head, “he saw me out cold for two days in the hospital, then woke up hysterical thinking my boyfriend was dead.”
it doesn’t make him feel any better, and he buries his head in his hands, groaning. “oh my god. yeah he hates me.”
you giggle when he topples over, staring up at the ceiling in despair. “well if he does, this is your chance to change his mind.”
he lifts his head, prompting a double chin. “so you agree, he hates me?”
“he probably thinks you hate him.”
jungkook sits up at that, grabbing the nearest pillow for support. “don’t-”
“i mean you’ve avoided every possible interaction with him,” you shrug, “maybe he thinks you think you’re too good for him. he’s probably really sad. all he wants is to meet the love of his daughter’s life, excited to show off his wine collection, and the pretty flowers he has in the garden and yet, he’s never gotten the chance to.”
jungkook stares at you. “you’re mean.”
“i’m not the one who won’t give my dad a chance.” you raise both palms in the air and he breaks into a chuckle, diving towards you till your back is against the mattress and him on top of you.
he showers you with kisses despite your squirming, ending with a final, tiny kiss on your nose.
you lie back, staring at him. “he’s gonna love you. just like i do.”
jungkook sucks in a breath, with his mind already made up. looking into your sparkling eyes, wondering if they’re the same as your dad’s, thinking maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
“alright.” he says softly, a smile on his face. “we’ll go back for christmas.”
you can’t contain the glee that escapes you, an excited and childlike giggle which spreads through even jungkook. he plants a gentle kiss on your lips.
–
a mixture of horror and jitters spread through jungkook’s being. he’s already practiced what he’d say, and learnt by heart the schedule your family operates by every christmas. he wanted this to be the perfect meeting, make a good first impression, and most of all he wanted you to be happy.
in all the time he’d spent avoiding a meeting with your dad, you’d been patient enough to tell him to take his time, but now that this is set and he sees how thrilled you are, he realises how much you’ve been wanting this. a part of him feels guilty for delaying this for so long, but now, his heart melts each time you talk about it with a smile from ear to ear.
the journey there is long, but nice. you decided to take the train back since there was no rush. you also wanted to show jungkook the usual route you take when you head home.
what was meant to be a couple of days, ended up being a week at your childhood home, which did slightly elevate jungkook’s stress level. a whole week with your dad, and cousins, but it’s something he figures he’ll worry about when he gets there.
“do you think he’ll like the gift?” jungkook tears his eyes away from the window and to you sitting next to him. you look up from your book and smile.
“you bought him like ten different things,” you chuckle. “i’m sure he’ll like something.”
he pouts, “only three…”
to cover all bases, he ended up buying your dad a wine preserver system, some vinyls of his favourite band, and a craft knife, after finding out what his hobbies are.
you put your book down and interlace your fingers. “i think he’s going to appreciate the fact that you put in so much thought into the gifts.”
jungkook calms down a little, and you let him go on about the latest tattoo designs he’d come up with for the next hour of the train ride just to distract him. it goes by quickly, and you arrive in your city in no time.
with all the luggage, and the cats, jungkook suggested getting a rental car, successfully persuading you to drive instead since you know your way around.
“i like being a passenger princess.” jungkook grins, munching on snacks he’d bought back at the station, showcasing his bunny teeth.
“don’t get too comfortable now.” you remind him, navigating through the familiar roads, finally leaving the busy station and driving at a comfortable speed with no one honking at you from behind for taking more than half a second to react. “i’m a little-”
the car jerks forward as it comes to an abrupt stop when you step on the wrong pedal.
“rusty.” you breathe out. “sorry.”
“okay.” jungkook heaves, shifting back properly into his seat. “i think i’m a little more worried about making it there now than meeting your dad.”
you laugh as you get the car moving again, slowly easing down the roads. as you reach the vicinity of your town, you take your time to show jungkook around the different places, giving him bits and pieces of your childhood. he takes it all in with a smile on his face, though his growing silence tells you he’s still nervous.
“there it is,” you say, nodding to your house up front, “the one with the purple flowers by the gate.”
jungkook straightens up without saying a word. his jaw tenses and his fingers fiddle in his lap while his eyes are glued to the house as you drive around it to enter the driveway. the engine dies down into a soft buzz and jungkook’s eyes dart over to you when he feels your hand on his shoulder.
“it’ll be fine.” you reassure him, pulling him into a hug. he sighs into your shoulder, warm breath tickling your neck. “everyone’s going to love you.”
“promise?” he asks teasingly as he pulls away.
you hold out your last finger. “pinky promise.”
he hooks his pinky around yours and leans in for a kiss. you stare at each other for a minute. and in that time you start to feel a little nervous yourself, thinking about jungkook and your dad finally meeting.
“don’t tell me you’re getting the jitters too.” he says, noticing the change in your body language.
“i guess it’s contagious.” you close your eyes and sigh, shaking the nerves away. then you cup one side of jungkook’s face. “let’s do this. ready?”
jungkook nods. you exchange a sweet kiss before exiting the car.
the air is crisp and cool. snow has been meticulously shovelled off the driveway, and a neat track laid out towards the front door. jungkook smiles at the details he assumes your dad has done to make it easier for his daughter’s return.
he rounds to the back of the car and unloads your luggages, one of yours, one of his, and one filled with the presents and treats from the city. and your two cats from the back seat. as you walk up to the front door with your stuff, your heart almost leaps out of your chest. you look back to see jungkook, setting the luggages right by his front, waiting for you to open the door, raising his brows.
he goes right up to where you stand, and you fix the scarf around his neck, brushing off cat fur from the black sweater he has on. as the two of you stand at the front door, both reeling with nerves, you reach for each other and melt into a hug.
pulling away, jungkook gives you a warm, encouraging smile.
you fit your key through the lock and push the door open, immediately getting hit with the smell of fresh cookies your grandmother makes every holiday.
“i’m home!” you call out, and a head peaks out from the living kitchen.
“y/n!”
your cousin calls out, pulling off the oven gloves while she runs up to you. while you greet her, jungkook takes the chance to drag the baggage inside, then stands there awkwardly as you chat with your cousin. she looks about the same age, with the same smile. it’s about ten seconds later when she realises jungkook’s waiting presence and her eyes light up. “oh hello!”
“hi,” jungkook clears his throat, and extends a hand. “i’m jungkook.”
“nice to finally meet you jungkook,” she takes his hand, “i’m seoyun.”
“nice to meet you too.” he gives her a polite smile.
“seoyun, is that my granddaughter you’re talking to?” a voice comes from the living room on the right, and your cousin rolls her eyes while shaking her head.
“yes grandma, your favourite granddaughter is home.” she smiles at the two of you, grabs on to your wrists, and drags you both towards the living room.
jungkook’s eyes go everywhere, to every corner of the house, the fairy lights around the room, christmas decorations around the fireplace, and the large christmas tree in the corner. the sight strangely brings back a pang of nostalgia, and jungkook’s suddenly transported back to his childhood, standing in his own living room, in front of the tree his own father brought home, while his mother and siblings put up the decorations.
lost in his own thoughts, he snaps out of it when you hook your arm around his, giving it a slight tug. he quickly puts on a smile. “this is jungkook, who i told you about.”
“oh my goodness!” your grandmother gets up from her armchair, leaving the knitting she was working on. if he didn’t know, he’d have never guessed she was your grandmother. skin as smooth as ever, and still steady on her feet, though her roughness of her voice gives her age away.
she places her hands on jungkook’s face. “you’re as handsome as they come!”
“okay, back off grandma.” you comment, and jungkook laughs.
“it’s nice to meet you, i hear lots of great things about you.” he says.
“well i’d hope so,” she turns to raise a brow at you, then turns back to jungkook. “welcome to our home jungkook. i’m glad you could make it this year.”
jungkook nods, and she gently pats the side of his face before turning to seoyun. “how are the cookies coming along darling?”
“perfect! finished the first batch, last tray’s in the oven as we speak.” she stands proud.
“wonderful,” your grandmother taps her nose tenderly, “could you get a plate out, i’ll work on some tea for our guests.”
they strut off into the kitchen, and as they disappear getting to work, you turn to jungkook, raising your brows in question. he breathes out, nodding his head. “that was less scary than i thought it would be.”
“i told you.” you let him hold your hands in his, and you realise how freezing cold they are. “looks like my dad and aunt aren’t home yet. so you have some time to get used to things.”
jungkook nods, looking around the place once again.
–
after tasting a fresh plate of your grandmother’s cookies and talking about your trip here, you decide to show jungkook around the house. the cats were let out of their carriers, taking a couple of minutes to sniff around before recognising the place, and finding their favourite spots around the house.
the pictures on the walls, the 90s home decor, the smell of a lived in house. jungkook is obsessed. it almost felt like he was walking round a museum, studying each corner and every trinket.
on the second floor, you drag him towards your old bedroom. “this was me.” you grin adorably, standing at the doorway.
“wow.” jungkook says, eyes round and sparkly. “not sure what i was expecting but this is very you.”
yellow walls, a single bed in the corner, ending right by the window, a desk by the foot of the bed and an open wardrobe. most of the place looks untouched, except for the bed, which seemed like it had a change of sheets in anticipation of your return.
photographs are plastered over the walls by your desk, of you when you were little up till your teen years. letters written by friends, evidence of a fangirl phase with pictures of your favourite stars fill the rest of the space. on the table, a couple of old text books are neatly arranged by the wall. jungkook could imagine little you hunched over the desk, working on homework, exactly how you used to at your old apartment during college.
he takes his time to look at the pictures of little you, pointing to one where you were clearly upset, face scowling, frowning at the camera, arms crossed in front of you. you couldn’t have been older than ten. “this one’s my favourite.” he claims.
“of course it is.” you roll your eyes, walking over to your dress table, where you’d stuck a picture of you and jungkook on your mirror.
“i’m there too?” he asks excitedly, looking at it.
“all my favourite people are here.” you say, blinking away when he looks at you, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. standing in your old room, filled with memories of your past, with jungkook feels so intimate. like sharing parts of you that no one else would have access to.
before he can say anything else, you hear the swing of the front door, and a couple of voices follow. you look at jungkook, eyes wide. his mirror yours minus the excitement.
jungkook stays rooted to his spot, listening to your hurried steps and the squealing of voices that follow as you run towards your aunt. his steps feel heavy as he follows your trail, hovering over the second floor to see you both hugging. but it isn’t until a man who stands two feet taller than you appears at the door frame, face softening at the sight of you, that jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.
“oh my baby.” he coos, enveloping you in his arms, lifting you off the ground. you fit right in there, nestled against him with a wide smile on your face. “i’m so glad you made it.”
“of course!” you say, pulling away to take a good look at him. you’d miss a couple of visits back since japan happened. “how’ve you been? i’ve missed you.”
“oh i miss you more honey. but i’m better now that my favourite girl is here.” he laughs, planting a kiss on the top of your head.
neither of you notice jungkook’s slow descent down the steps, awkwardly standing there waiting for an opening. it’s not until your dad’s attention lands on him, making jungkook’s heart leap, that you extend your hand to jungkook who comes to your side.
“hello.” jungkook bows. “i’m jungkook. nice to meet you.”
your dad's smile widens and he exhales as if he were relieved. jungkook had extended his hand for a shake, but your dad accepts it only to pull him into a hug. for a moment, jungkook freezes. only ever receiving hugs from you or jimin, this felt new. he feels small within your dad’s big frame. he feels warm, and comfortable.
jungkook eventually heaves out a loaded breath. your dad places his hands on jungkook’s arms, giving him a once over. “welcome home, jungkook.”
–
dinner was nothing short of amazing with jungkook helping himself to multiple servings, much to your grandmother’s pleasure. it took him a while to get used to sitting at the table with everyone, quiet at first, until your aunt prompts questions about his job, to which he was more than excited to share about.
not knowing which parts of his life they were aware about, jungkook was careful with what he shared. he’d squeeze your hand under the table ever so often when he felt a little unsure of things or even if he just wanted to. with your help, things went smoothly and by the end, he was a little more comfortable with everyone.
after dinner, your aunt and cousin take their leave for the night. living just five minutes away, they’d be back again in the morning. the house is quieter without them, just the four of you now.
jungkook helps you get your bags upstairs, rolling your luggage up to your room. grandma walks past just then, giving him a pinch on the cheek and a kiss on yours before heading right to her own space.
“you can have the guest room,” your dad appears down the hall and looks between the two of you, “unless-”
“the guest room is perfect, thanks.” jungkook interrupts.
“alright.” your dad chuckles, winking your way, “come, i’ll show you to the room.”
the layout of your house forms a u-shape with the stairs in the middle, so the guest room, his room is conveniently right across from yours. “there you go.”
“thank you.” he stands politely as he looks at your dad. “for letting me stay here.”
“of course,” he pats jungkook’s shoulder, “you’re family.”
jungkook stands there for a while, even after your dad heads off. he washes up and gets into clean clothes, then sits on the edge of the neat bed. it all feels so foreign yet familiar.
he sighs, letting himself lie back on the mattress, resting his back properly for the first time the whole day. he reaches for his phone and smiles at the notification from you.
[12:50AM] you: u forgot my goodnight kiss
[1:12AM] jk: in front of your dad?
[1:12AM] you: wimp
[1:13AM] jk: big wimp
[1:13AM] you: miss u :(
[1:13AM] you: come over
[1:13AM] you: you should’ve said ure sleeping in my room
[1:14 AM] jk: sorry i dont have a death wish
[1:14AM] jk: miss u too btw
[1:14AM] you: my door’s unlocked
[1:14AM] you: if you really miss me…..
[1:14AM] jk: stoppp
[1:14AM] jk: you’re gonna get me kicked out
[1:16AM] you: :( :( :(
[1:17AM] jk: you’re tipsy from the wine aren’t you
[1:17AM] jk: go to sleep baby, it’s 1am
[1:18AM] jk: i’ll give u a kiss tmr
you don’t reply after that, and he figures you’ve dozed off. but no matter how comfortable he got, jungkook just can’t fall asleep. he tosses and turns for a while before giving up. he gently opens the door, a single lamp in the corner giving off a warm orange glow. then he carefully goes down the steps headed for the living room.
he flips one of the lights on and settles on the couch, pulling his legs into his chest, staring up at the lit up tree. over the time he was away, he’d only seen trees through the windows of different houses. and kim, had always put up a tree for show, but it never really meant anything to him. the last time he had a proper tree, a proper celebration, was when he was a kid.
he shuts his eyes and takes himself back to the past. a place he’d tried to erase from memory. but he still remembers somehow, snuggled up on the couch like he is now, the sound of his siblings running around the house, laughing as they play. his mother by the stove, stirring a pot of his favourite soup while his dad puts up a mistletoe above the doorframe. when times were good. when everyone was happy, before-
“can’t sleep either?” a low voice catches him off guard and he jumps as if he were caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. the older man raises his palms to calm him. “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“sir- sorry i-” jungkook fumbles his words.
but your father simply smiles back, urging him to sit, “relax, nothing to apologise for.”
jungkook sits hesitantly, running his palms over his knees, scrambling to find something to talk about. maybe this is where your dad would tell him he’s not good enough for you. he’ll hand you a check, give you an ultimatum, leave my daughter or else-
“it’s a nice tree isn’t it?”
jungkook turns to it once again. “yeah. it’s beautiful.”
jungkook doesn’t realise that he’s far away again. “penny for your thoughts?”
“oh.” jungkook chuckles. “nothing i just…haven’t had a christmas tree in a long time. it brings back memories.”
“good ones i hope.” your father smiles, and he sees your smile. “i’m glad you could join us this year. i was hoping you would.”
“you were?”
“why are you so surprised?” he chuckles. “you have been dating my daughter for the last eight years haven’t you?”
jungkook flinches, the reality hitting him like a brick. he breathes out, “didn’t realise it’s been that long.”
“time really flies, doesn’t it?” your father says. “she talks about you a lot. can you believe after all that time, this is the first time we’re meeting in person.”
“right.” jungkook laughs nervously, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “that’s my fault. i’ve uh…”
“been avoiding me?” your father laughs a low laugh at the panic that settles on the younger man’s face. but his reaction eases jungkook, as he slaps a hand on jungkook’s knee. “it’s alright. i know how it is.”
jungkook chuckles, “sorry. it’s not that i was avoiding you, i just…was worried about how this would go.”
“how do you think it’s going?”
jungkook wonders if this is a trick question. “good?”
your dad gives him a warm smile. “you’re doing great so far, jungkook.”
“thanks.” jungkook bites his bottom lip.
after a quiet moment, your dad excuses himself for a cup of hot cocoa. as he walks away, jungkook sinks back into his thoughts, this time, thinking about you. his worries about your dad come to the forefront of his mind again, wondering if your dad would say anything even if he felt this was wrong.
despite jungkook declining a drink, your dad comes back with a mug of warm milk for jungkook and a plate of cookies.
jungkook’s uneasiness doesn’t go unnoticed. and your dad can tell it was more than just nerves. jungkook sits there fiddling his thumbs, blinking incessantly like he’s fighting with himself in his mind. your dad scoots to the edge of his seat and reaches across to place a hand on jungkook’s knee.
“are you okay?” it was a question jungkook didn’t know how to answer. it felt loaded, like there was something more.
“i have- i wanted to…” jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, and takes a deep breath. “are you really okay with y/n being with me?”
your father watches him for a couple of beats, the longest stretch of seconds in jungkook’s life as he waits for a reaction. with a smile, your father takes a sip of his drink. “that’s what you were worried about?”
jungkook nods.
your father leans forward, elbows on his knees, palms together. “listen i know, a lot has happened. some things, i can’t even comprehend. and i would be lying if i said i was never worried about her. and the things that you were involved in.”
“but i knew the girl i raised, so i trusted her.” he pauses. “then the incident happened. i’ll never forget getting that call, i thought i’d lost her.”
jungkook winces, feeling a bitter taste in his mouth. “i’m sorry. that was- that was my fault.”
your father exhales, looking down at his hands. “she did tell me you still blame yourself.”
“she ended up getting hurt because of me. i didn’t protect her enough.” jungkook says, eyes glossing up. “i tried to keep her out of it all, i knew the risks. but then things got out of hand and i was trying to- it all just- happened and i-”
“you took a bullet for her.” your dad says, “it’s not your fault things turned out the way it did. i know why you did what you did, she told me everything.”
jungkook hangs his head low. despite the gentleness of your father, his embarrassment is greater. “i never did get to apologise to you for that…”
“i don’t blame you for any of it.” he says. “i know you protected her as well as you could. you did the right thing.”
jungkook stays quiet.
“did you think i would not approve of your relationship?” jungkook looks up sheepishly and your father hums in understanding. “you know it would take a lot more than me saying no for y/n to stop loving you right?”
jungkook looks up at him, nodding slowly.
“it’s been years. the perpetrators are gone. you’re safe, she’s safe. i don’t have any reason to keep her from being with you. and, she loves you a lot. why would i ever want to take away the person she loves most?”
jungkook smiles at that. “i love her too.”
“i know.” he nods. “you’ve taken good care of her in the last year. i’ve seen her lose her spark and have it return the moment you reappeared in her life. i only want her to be happy, and you make her happy. i hope you’ll continue to do that.”
“i can’t imagine a life without y/n in it.” jungkook says. “she’s everything to me, and she’s all that i have. she likes to say that i saved her life…but really, she’s saved mine.”
your father smiles warmly, and jungkook heaves out a relieved sigh. the conversation moves to a lighter subject, and neither of them notice when you walk down the steps, walking in on them laughing mid-conversation.
jungkook’s eyes light up at the sight of you.
“what’s this? no one thought to invite me?”
your dad laughs, “just warning him about that attitude of yours.”
“excuse me?” you turn, standing in front of them with your hands on your hips. “i don’t have an attitude.”
“oh yeah, no attitude.” jungkook hums. “just as stubborn as they come.”
you raise your brow at him.
“but also the prettiest, kindest, loveliest as they come.”
your dad laughs, and you nod affirmingly, bending at your knees in a curtsey. he watches as you squeeze right next to jungkook, hugging his arm against you. jungkook allows it, kissing your cheek.
“i’m gonna call it a night.” your dad says, excusing himself. “don’t stay up too late you two, we have a whole day ahead tomorrow. goodnight.”
“goodnight.” you two call out, watching him slip into the kitchen then up the stairs a minute later before his door closes upstairs.
you immediately climb onto jungkook, straddling him on the couch. “what were you two talking about?”
“i was right.” jungkook says solemnly, shaking his head. “he hates me. we’re gonna have to break up- ow!”
“seriously, what did he say?” you hiss, keeping your voice low.
jungkook snickers, holding on to your thighs as you sit on him. “he’s alright with us.”
you grin, chewing on your bottom lip. “i told you!”
“he also said you talk about me a lot,” you roll your eyes, leaning against him, “that you’re madly in love with me.”
“well, he’s not wrong about that.” you comment and he wraps his arms around you. “no one can tear us apart. not even santa.”
–
a pre-christmas clean was something jungkook had anticipated on your family’s schedule. two days before christmas, and the whole house was busy. grandma worked the kitchen, your cousins worked the living area, you were assigned the rooms and jungkook got to shovel the snow.
it didn’t take very long, mostly because the house is always kept tidy. after a quick vacuuming upstairs, some dusting and a little wipe down, you were done. you head outside to find jungkook peacefully shovelling the show from the sidewalk, humming as he goes. snow crunches under your boots as you walk up to him.
“can’t believe you got the easiest task.” you comment, huffing, and a cloud of vapour forms.
jungkook shrugs, smiling handsomely, not even able to deny it. your dad had already done a perfect job of tidying up the snow, and all jungkook had to do was remove the bulk that had built up over the last couple of days.
“this is favouritism.” you cross your arms.
“can’t help it if grandma loves me more than you.” he plants the head of the shovel in the snow and rests his arms on it.
“whatever,” you stick your tongue out, then eye your surroundings. “do you need any help?”
“i’m almost done actually.” he says and you nod.
jungkook shifts the last bit of snow into a pile at the base of the tree in front of your house, then holds the shovel by its handle as he slips his fingers into yours. you make your way to the back, heading for the shed.
“are you excited about christmas?” you ask, wiggling closer to him for warmth.
“yeah. presents in the morning, you said?”
jungkook opens the door to the shed and you follow behind, stepping into the little area your dad built for his gardening tools and other stuff. he even has a little desk for himself to work on crafts. you smile at the wood carvings he’s made and placed on a shelf above the desk.
“mhm, a nice, slow morning together as a family.” you say, “the party will be at night.”
jungkook has his back turned to you while he places the shovel back in its place. when he faces you, you study his face, tilting your head and he raises a brow in question. “is it all too much for you?”
jungkook smiles at your concern. “i’m fine.”
“we can always skip the party if you think you need a break.” you suggest and he leans in to kiss you, pulling you in by the waist.
“i’ll be okay, i think.” he says, “all that hosting during college is gonna come in handy.”
you laugh, cringing at the parties they used to have. it already feels like a lifetime ago. “you were barely there.”
“that’s cause i was always with you.” he says as a matter-of-factly, planting a kiss on the tip of your nose.
“true.” you smile, wrapping your arms around him. “there’ll be a bunch of old ladies instead of college girls, so i guess i have nothing to worry about?”
“i don’t know…” jungkook presses his lips together. “i’m quite the killer among older ladies.”
–
jungkook wakes up bright and early christmas morning. your aunt and cousin stayed over, prompting him to give up the guest room despite them saying they’d sleep in the same room as grandma. but jungkook was insistent, choosing to sleep on the couch instead. although, when the house went quiet, he snuck back upstairs to sleep with you.
“we don’t need to sneak around, everyone knows we live together.” you whisper, making room under the blanket.
he fake gasps. “i don’t want them to think we’re having s e x.”
you stare at him in the dark. “we’re literally old enough to do whatever we want.”
“stop talking about sex.”
“you started it!” you hiss, and he chuckles, running his palm over your face, forcing your eyes close.
the house is quiet and still, the air smells of peppermint and cookies. jungkook washes up, puts on his favourite sweater, and heads back to your room. you’re almost done yourself, smiling at him through the mirror.
“merry christmas.” he says, coming up behind you.
“merry christmas, my love.” you turn in his arms, reaching up for a kiss.
jungkook quite likes how your family spends christmas morning. the joy of christmas lingers in the air, but it’s slow and calm. perhaps it’s because everyone’s an adult, that there’s no rush to open presents, nor does it feel like a competition to see who’s got the better gift. despite that, jungkook starts sweating the moment he spots the gift he got your dad under the tree, while he digs into his breakfast.
a nice holiday movie plays on the television while you and seoyun sit by the tree, passing the gifts around. grandma starts handing everyone something she had personally knitted, gifting jungkook and you matching scarves and socks. though she doesn’t care much for gifts anymore, you both got her a vintage tea set which she gushed over.
everyone opens their presents at the same time, which made jungkook feel a little less burdened. he thinks he’s doing well as everyone opens gift after gift, getting into the rhythm of things, until he sees the package in your dad’s hand.
“ooh this is a big one,” your dad says to no one in particular. jungkook keeps his eyes on him as the wrapping paper is removed and your dad scans the box. he wastes no time and starts unboxing. “wow.”
“what’s that?” your aunt’s interest is piqued at the sight of the machine.
“i’ve only seen this online. this is amazing.” your dad starts gushing, paying special attention to the details of the system, fully engrossed.
“what is it though?” seoyun asks, raised brow.
jungkook clears his throat. “it um- basically lets you pour out wine without unscrewing the cork, and when you don’t remove the cork-”
“it preserves the wine.” your dad continues, eyes full of awe.
finally tearing his eyes away from the gift, he looks at the young man, “thank you, jungkook. this is…wow.”
jungkook’s heart swells, he could almost jump up and down himself. carefully placing his gift back in its box, he goes over to where your boyfriend is. jungkook jumps up from where he sat on the floor next to you, accepting a hug from your dad. “i figured you’d like it. y/n told me you have a wine collection.”
“i love it.” he shakes his head. “you’ll get the first sip of my finest wine tonight!”
jungkook chuckles, a tingling feeling bubbling inside of him. seoyun pokes her nosy head into the bag the box came in and realised your dad had missed something else in there. “there’s more!” she digs inside, and pulls out two, square sealed lp jackets.
“oh,” jungkook eagerly makes a grab for them, handing it to your dad. “these are yours too.”
the older man takes one look at the cover, recognising his favourite band, and gives jungkook a look. “this is all too much.”
“i couldnt really decide what to get you,” he admits, glancing down at you, “so i decided to give you both.”
he thanks you with his eyes, for suggesting he choose only two gifts for your dad out of the three he brought. you wink, feeling emotional as you watch the hopeful look on jungkook’s face, knowing how this had proved to be so pressurising for him. you watch as they bond over the gift, jungkook seemingly already forgetting how nervous he was before.
a little while later he joins you, and your dad disappears to put his new wine system in a safe spot. jungkook watches your family, albeit a small one, exchanging laughter and smiles. almost as if you were in a movie. the warmth that spreads through him feels new. you mindlessly hook your arm around him, leaning against his side as you yap away with seoyun.
“what did you get for jungkook?” seoyun asks, smiling at him.
she had raved about the jewellery set he got you, starting with a simple diamond necklace, its matching earrings to match the limited edition bracelet he gifted you for your birthday earlier in the year.
you almost refused to accept it, not even wanting to know how much he had spent on them, but he was adamant on getting you to wear it right then. “please? i don’t always get you nice jewellery.” he says, ignoring you when you brought up the bracelet.
“i got him this famous wireless tattoo gun machine thing,” you say, and jungkook pulls it out from under the scarf grandma gave him. “he’s been geeking about it for the whole year.”
“that’s why you stopped me from getting it the last time.” jungkook recalls, having already adding it to cart, but you caused a big fuss, telling him he has enough tools already, and that it would be a waste of money. “thank you baby.” he leans in to press a kiss on your cheek.
coming back into the room, your dad catches your eye, giving you a knowing smile. in his hand, he carries a small, neatly wrapped box. “jungkook.” he calls out, walking towards him.
jungkook gets to his feet and your dad grabs his hand, gently placing the box in his palm. “merry christmas.”
jungkook’s eyes go round and he tries not to show it, but from the way his hands are trembling, you can tell he’s excited. the room falls silent as he unwraps it, your dad, grandma, aunt, seoyun and you, focused on the gift. he does it delicately, like its too previous to even open.
when he does, he finds a velvet black box, a little bigger than his hand. his heart almost leaps out of his chest as he opens it. inside, the sight of his gift takes his breath away. jungkook recognises the matte black ceramic body of the watch, with its black dial and gold hour and minute markers. as if it isn’t beautiful enough, he spots an engraving on its side, with his name on it: jeon jungkook.
jungkook is speechless. it’s one of the most exquisite watches he’d ever seen. his lips part and close again, lost for words.
a card peeks out from the side.
“to jungkook:
it’s been a joy having you here this christmas. i can see why y/n loves you so, it’s hard not to! watching you and y/n together, and seeing just how well you fit right in with us, has truly been one of my favourite parts of this holiday. here’s to making more memories together.
welcome to the family.
love, dad.”
while the watch gets its five minutes of fame with the ladies, jungkook’s glossy eyes turn to your dad, immediately letting himself be held. a single tear falls down the corner of his eye, which he’s quick to wipe away. there’s so much he wants to say, but he holds it in.
around them, everyone starts moving. your aunt initiated a family photo, prompting seoyun to get the tripod, and everyone else trying to find their position.
jungkook pulls away from your dad, straightening himself out. without saying a word, your dad nods, giving him a squeeze on the arm.
your dad and grandma keep to the left, while you next to your dad, and jungkook on your other side. his sniffing gets your attention, and you notice the shine in his eyes, to which he shakes his head smiling. you graze your finger against his cheek, planting a quick kiss.
“ready!” seoyun clicks the button and runs to her spot in the front with her mother. the six of you huddle closer in front of the christmas tree, smiling brightly.
snap.
–
by the evening, the house was filled with guests, neighbours, some cousins and even old friends you haven’t seen in a long time. you had planned to stick with jungkook, just in case it all got too much for him, besides, he wouldn’t know anyone here.
but your dad had other plans, keeping jungkook by his side as he served some special wine to the guests. they took turns handling the wine system, it was adorable. of course, they drew a crowd around the table and everyone was enamoured with jungkook, especially the older ladies.
when the wine stopped, jungkook floated around, mingling with the guests. he puts on his best smile, getting stopped pretty often in his search for you among the crowd, eventually getting sucked into a conversation he planned on avoiding. some of your cousins were particularly interested, only having ever heard of your mysterious partner, who is real after all.
an hour passes, and the mingling finally brings him to you, jungkook sighs in relief at the sight of your face. “you. you were supposed to hold my hand throughout.”
“you looked like you were having a good time!” you reason, interlacing your fingers with his. “do you know how many people have come up to me just to ask about you?”
“sorry, it comes with being so handsome.” he cheeses and you punch him in the gut.
“oof.” jungkook rubs his middle. “keep that up and some sugar mommy will come and swoop me off my feet.”
with a roll of your eyes, you let him lift your chin with his finger, landing a soft kiss on your glossy lips. his hands wrap around your waist, and eyes your surroundings with a fake smile on his face. “how much longer will this go on for?” he asks through his fake smile.
“a little more.” you whisper. “one of my uncles will probably start bursting into a song, and everyone will join in…we’ll dance…and then the toasts.”
jungkook sighs. but not in a negative way. he looks down at you, and the new diamond necklace hanging around your neck. “as long as i’m with you, i’m enjoying myself.”
your cheeks heat up, hoping no one around you heard that. “i’m happy you’re here with me. it feels…complete.”
jungkook resists the urge to crash his lips into yours. one of your aunts tap you on your shoulder and he lets you catch up, though your hand never lets go, keeping him right next to you. jungkook barely hears what you’re saying, only focused on how beautiful you look tonight.
he looks around at everyone, taking in the atmosphere. the holidays have never felt so bright, so warm, so full of love. it finally feels like christmas.
–
the guests are gone and the house is clean and tidy again. the lights are down, and it’s quiet. grandma was the first to tap out, heading up to bed first while the rest of you chat over supper.
one by one, everyone heads off to wash up after the tiring evening. you’re already in bed when jungkook comes out of the shower, drying his hair with the towel. he watches the way you try to fight your sleep, but fails as your breaths start to even out. the space you leave for him remains empty. he switches off the lights, and quietly shuts the door, heading back down.
stepping into the kitchen, jungkook grabs a mug, before looking out the window to see your dad sitting out on the veranda out back, smoking a cigar. he gets a quick drink, and places the washed mug back in its place.
when the door to the veranda opens, your dad turns in surprise, breaking into a smile at the sight of jungkook. he gestures to the cigar. “want one?”
“oh no thanks.” jungkook waves him off. he finds a spot next to the pillar by the steps, crossing his arms from the cold. “thought you might like some company.”
“i’d love that.” your dad smiles.
“do you always spend time out here?”
“oh yeah,” he nods, “i like the quiet. the calm. after a long day it’s just nice to sort of…exist, don’t you think?”
it’s something jungkook could imagine you saying. “yeah, i get it. i like the night too.”
“i can tell. you’re always up.” your dad chuckles.
jungkook looks out into the dark, street lights in the distance giving a warm glow. he glances at your dad, sitting there peacefully. “thank you for the watch. and for welcoming me into your family.”
“don’t mention it.” he puts the cigar down. “i hope this hasn’t been too much for you. it is your first christmas since being back, right?”
the idea about discussing that part of his life with your dad still feels odd to him. jungkook clears his throat, “yeah.”
he hesitates a while longer.
“but even before that…it’s not like i celebrated the holidays in any way. i was just wasting my life away. no family. no christmas. i only ever felt that little bit of christmas spirit whenever y/n would come back to the city and bring me grandma’s cookies.”
your father nods, and the quiet takes over for a couple of minutes. jungkook hopes he hasn’t just crossed a line. “she told me what happened…with your family.”
jungkook falters, readjusting himself against the pillar and looks away, swallowing.
“i’m sorry you had to go through that.” he says solemnly. “it’s definitely not easy to lose a sibling that way, especially at that age. and your parents, well..”
“i’m over it.” jungkook says a little too quickly.
your dad decides not to push it. “you’ve gone through a lot jungkook,” he starts, “got lost somewhere along the way…but i’m glad you’ve managed to find your way back.”
jungkook smiles. “i couldn’t have done it without y/n. she believed in me when no one else did, supported me through everything.”
“she’s a special one indeed.” your dad says, nodding.
“she’s everything to me. she’s all i got.”
your dad gets up from his seat, slipping his hands in his pockets. “not anymore. you’re part of our family now, jungkook. you have us.”
family. jungkook bites his bottom lip when it starts to quiver. there’s something about your dad that makes him feel safe enough to show his vulnerability, though he’s still learning to let it all out. your dad steps closer, placing a gentle hand over his head, the gesture triggering a well of tears. “you dont have to fend for yourself anymore. you’re not alone anymore. you have us, lean on us. y/n, me, and grandma packs a mean punch too.”
jungkook chuckles, wiping the tears away as they stream down his cheeks. your dad pulls him in, letting his head rest against his shoulder. jungkook heaves out a heavy sigh as your dad rubs his back tenderly. “as far as i’m concerned, you’re my son now. and i love you.”
jungkook lets his tears fall, quietly choking up. your dad’s strong embrace melts his cool exterior, opening him up to a feeling he’s never felt before.
he feels…safe.
–
your luggage lingers by the door to your room, all packed and ready to go. the cats are in their carriers, napping before the journey. jungkook and you sit on the roof outside your bedroom window, something you used to do in the spring when the weather isn’t threatening hypothermia.
but jungkook persuaded you, dragging along a couple of blankets and some heat packs. you sit between his legs, letting him keep you warm while he packs on the layers of blankets over yourselves.
though you must admit, since the sun has decided to come out today, that it doesn’t feel as bad as you thought it would.
“thanks for a great christmas.” jungkook says.
“thanks for coming home with me.” you look up at him, head against his chest. “i’ve always imagined what it would be like when we spend christmas together. i’m so glad it’s finally happened. and you’ve finally met my family.”
“sorry it took me so long.” jungkook sighs, kissing your cheek. “you have a beautiful family. i think this is my favourite christmas ever.”
“you’re cute.” you giggle, pinching his cheek. “i hope we can spend more holidays together from now on.”
jungkook hums, seemingly lost in thought. he seems to do that a lot these days, you think.
“i was thinking…” jungkook starts, feeling his own heart skip. “maybe we should stay for the new year?”
you jolt upright, turning your body to face jungkook, surprise etched all over your face. “what?”
“we’ve been here for five days,” jungkook shrugs, “what’s a couple more?”
squealing, you wrap your arms around him, and he falls back on the hard tile. peppering kisses all over him, you let out the most adorable laugh he’s ever heard. “are you for real? we’re staying?”
jungkook laughs, nodding as he pushes himself back up. “i love your family, and i’d love it if we got to start the new year with them.”
you chuckle, tears welling up in your eyes and jungkook wipes them away with his sleeve. “i love you so much.”
“i love you too, baby.”
snow starts to fall as your lips meet in the middle, moving gently against the other. for the first time in his life, jungkook understands what it meant to have a happy holiday. for the first time in his life, he’ll start the new year with a family.
he’d once wished for a christmas miracle, the longing of a lost boy sent out into the universe one cold night. and now holding you in his arms, he realises that maybe his wish had finally come true.
Hi. I have Zelda fanfic for reading. It's been mostly finished for like, a year? I had a lot of fun with it and I learned a lot about WWII warfare. Thanks to the hubby for pretending his expertise in pre-industrial arms and armor also includes early 20th century tanks.
Summary: Zelda is a mechanic and Link is a tank operator in Hyrule's WWII equivalent. And our two heros get trapped together behind enemy lines.
Warnings: This is a WWII fic. It has crude language, descriptions of frontline warfare and it's aftermath, slight gore and major character injury. And gallows humor, cause they're soldiers in war and they gotta live through it somehow.
Part 1 | Part 2 | AO3
Part 1
Zelda
"I want to do something real!"
Zelda was screaming at her father over the phone. She was breaking every one of her rules. No using royal privilege; how else was she going to get access to a phone? No subverting the chain of command; well, she had gone directly to the King. That might have skipped a few rungs on the ladder. Act like any other enlisted man; and screaming at the King is unlikely to be the standard operating procedure. Zero for three.
"I've been trained to fix anything! I was best in my class! Jeeps for the brass are not a priority. I should be with the troops and I should be serving my country in the best way that I can. Isn't that why I'm here?"
All the wind had blown out of Zelda's sails by the end of her argument. She was getting nowhere with the King. He wasn't going to lift his order to keep her safe and he certainly wasn't going to send her to the frontlines himself. She'd trained to fix the heavy infantry tanks that were stationed all over the eastern front. She was the best. No one was faster or understood more intuitively what needed to be done. But, instead, she was fixing jeeps that the Generals treated like pleasure vehicles. They'd come in with no gas and tell her it was broken or they'd need their goddamn wipers replaced. It was insulting.
"Nevermind, father. I'm going to get back to work."
She hung up and went back to her command. Which was a small motor pool with a squad of mechanics. Technically she was due a larger command, but no mechanic this far from the fighting should have her rank. The boys didn't really need her there at all, truth be told. General Impa was a micromanager and their shop ran like a civilian auto repair anyway.
Link
Link huddled into his small corner of home in the trench. He'd cleaned it up nice so there was a small divot dug into the wall so rain wouldn't ruin his small collection of keepsakes. Right now he had a little journal to write in, some playing cards, and a letter from some school kid who informed him "Mr. Owlen says I have to tell you that you're brave" which was charming enough to keep. He'd smoothed the ground beneath his feet so that he had comfortable dirt to sleep on and his trusty rifle settled over his shoulder digging into yet another dug-in divot in the wall. All-in-all he'd dressed it up to be the nicest spot in the line.
His squad had been stationed here for two weeks so far with very little else to do. At some point they would probably jump up and storm the enemy, but he tried not to think about that. He was too young to die. He tried to keep some dirt on his face at any moment. He wasn't technically old enough to enlist and anything that kept people from really looking at his face was a plus. It was easier before. He was the loader on a medium tank with only four other men for company. But then the gunner got his points and was sent home leaving the rest of them a man down. He'd gotten orders an hour ago to report to the depot to be assigned to a new crew in the morning. Until then, he'd be hunkered down here in this cesspit trying to get some shuteye and stock up on "supplies" that weren't part of the standard kit. Dirty pictures, booze, and hopefully some real food.
Zelda
"Lieutenant! Call for you, ma'am!"
"Thank you, Private."
Zelda took up the office phone and snapped out a greeting. She was losing another man. Pretty soon she was going to be running this place alone. Apparently heavy fire was anticipated and they needed another mechanic on hand familiar with the newest combat vehicles. She took up her roster to see who had the best qualifications for the job. If they were calling up someone from here it would be a rough job. She ran her finger down the list and stopped at a name. Could she do that? There was an obvious implicit order, but it wasn't actually said. She had free reign to send whoever she chose. Who could stop her decision? They were leaving soon.
She scribbled out the order, updated the roster list, filled out the daily report, and marked the next in command. She would leave immediately. Her duffle was already supplied for departure and she grabbed a go-kit with essential tools. The truck was already nearly loaded up with supplies and her driver was climbing in.
"Ready?" She called to the back when she was settled.
"Ready!" the loaders confirmed.
"Move out!"
The driver pulled out of the compound and they were on their way to the front. He glanced at her, but clearly eyed her epaulettes before deciding to keep his mouth shut.
Link
Link settled into his position in the turret. They were buttoned up and already getting ready for a fight.
"Load up, gimme seven five!" The new commander Burlon called from his spot above him in the radio seat. Link slithered down to the floor and started pulling up the armored cover and pulled out the smooth munitions. Burlon was calling out directions to Dalt to position the gun. The ammo was loaded and the gun was ready in seconds.
"Up!"
Burlon called out the fire and Link pulled up the next load. He was fast and being small made it easier for him to get into all the little hideaways where any spare air was filled with ammo. The place stank up quickly with the sweat of five men in tight quarters. It was hot as ever and beads of sweat ran freely down his back. Only his hands were kept dry with any spec of spare cloth to be found. He couldn't afford to drop something. One store empty, Link closed it up and moved to the next in an awkward spot beneath his gunner's butt.
"Move your ass, Dalt. I can't get in."
Not quite a well oiled machine just yet, this new crew.
"Fuck you. I gotta aim."
"Quiet. All of you," The commander was looking through his scope, "HEAT! Take us back!"
Burlon's frantic calls on the radio blurred into the background. Anti-tank guns. Link scrambled to lock away all the mortars. Easiest way to kill a crew was to blow them up with their own gun. The tank rocked roughly in the retreat and Link banged his jaw against the bottom of his seat. He let out a slew of curses and braced against the top cage.
"Back in your seat, soldier!" Burlon ordered.
Still cursing, Link threw himself into his seat and threw a hand up to check his face. It came away bloody.
"Incoming!" As one, the team bent and braced for impact.
Zelda
"Okay team, the enemy is retreating. We need to get out and salvage what we can. Level one and two damaged vehicles will be handled by the first division. Level three damage is us. We'll work from near to far."
Zelda nodded to her partner and began running to her assigned vehicle. A Farore Mk IV about a mile away that's likely still in good enough condition to at least drive. The field was a mess of tracks and mud and empty casings. Burn marks scorched across huge stretches of land where shells exploded. Zelda tried not to see the remains left behind. The wounded and dead were attended already, but sometimes things were left behind. A half burned boot was stuck in the mud and Zelda pretended it's because the soldier decided to take off his shoe. She knew these soldiers were fighting for their homes and their families, but it felt like they were fighting for her as the Princess. She would face the cost when she wasn't working. When she had time to process.
She stopped with her partner, a big Private who could do some of the heavy lifting, when they reached a potential salvage.
"What do you think, ma'am?" He circled and shook his head.
"I don't think so, let's keep going. We can't drive with the track looking like this." It was mangled. "Avoid that next one, it's still smoking."
"It should be alright, let's look real quick. See? The smoke is coming from the front. Probably just overheated." Zelda wavered and the Private took his chance.
"It'll take less than a minute to check and then we can move on."
Zelda sighed and gave a nod. He was older and more experienced for all the rank difference. They crept to the tank and began an exterior inspection. Smoke was lightly billowing from the front so Zelda moved around to the back to ensure that whatever was smoking wasn't coming out another side.
Everything looked fine in the back except another pair of boots under the chasis. This time, the boots still had feet in them.
"Hey! Wounded!"
Zelda pulled on the boots and a soldier slid free with a squelch. She yanked his shirt out of the way and thrust her hand to his throat for a pulse. It was strong and steady. The Private was working the portable radio frantically.
"Lieutenant! Incoming troops! We have to find shelter!"
"What?!"
"I'm going in!"
"What?! NO! It might not be-"
An explosion cut her off. The opened hatch let in a rush of oxygen and ignited the dying fire within the tank body. Zelda threw herself over the unconscious man. She held on for dear life and clamped her eyes shut. Her ears rang and her head blurred, the heavy armored vehicle rocked ominously in her direction. The enemy was coming. She never learned her partner’s name. The man below her would die if she didn't recover quickly enough. What next? She could hear them coming. A dull rumble turning to a roar. Men shouting.
She shoved the wounded man back under the chassis where she had found him and squirmed into the mud beside him. She prayed to all the goddesses that they would take the smoking remains of this tank as reason to pass it by. Prayed that it wouldn't continue to explode above her. Prayed the man next to her didn't die while she laid in a grave next to him. Just in case, she kept her hand on his throat to feel his pulse throb in a steady, comforting rhythm.
Link
His head ached. A terrible ringing grayed out his vision. His body was hot and cold and hot and cold. His throat was full of smoke and death and weight. And damp. A wet, hot, muddy hand was pressed against his throat. He breathed in quickly then was cut off from shouting when the dirty hand shot up to his mouth.
"Shh!" He couldn't see the shusher, "They'll hear you."
It was a woman's voice. Link tried to take stock of the situation, but there wasn't much to go on. He was lying in a drying puddle of mud under what was likely his tank with a woman. If it weren't for the mud it might have been on purpose. And if his head didn't feel like it had been split open by a hatchet.
"What happened?" His words were slurred.
She didn't answer immediately. "We were overtaken."
Enemy territory. Okay. There was a process for this. Hide. Get somewhere safe. Take stock. Gather supplies. Make your way back. Don't get caught.
"Did you work on this hunk of garbage, Sargent?"
"Yes, ma'am. Loader in the hole."
"Okay. Then here's what we're going to do. The M4A2 at two o'clock looks in alright condition from here. We'll take shelter inside until we can come up with a better plan or until we can get it running and make a break for it."
"That's a Zora tank. I've never-"
"Me, either. Can you walk? You hit your head, I think."
"I think so. It's not far."
He really wasn't sure. The woman, a Lieutenant, seemed to have a plan which is a sight better than he had so he would just have to make it. The mud squelched and slurped noisily with every extracted limb. A cool breeze nearly froze him to the bone after so long in the damp. The Lieutenant steadied him with one hand and kept a grip on a metal box with the other. He thanked the Goddesses when he realized it was a mechanic's toolbox. She carefully picked her way through the supplies they had strapped to the back of the vehicle and grabbed the med kit and a small bag of foodstuffs. Link grabbed his personal pack and slung it over his shoulder with his rifle.
They set out across the field with furtive glances in the direction their camp used to be back when it wasn't completely deserted. The ground was rough and packed hard from the heavy machinery driving over the ground. A faint smell of dead hung suffocating in the air and kept Link light-headed the entire journey. He hung his head to the ground and followed the woman blindly into danger. They stuck together from one safe cover to the next. She stepped carefully around any unknown piece of metal on the ground and avoided bloodstained dirt like it was contagious. She was basically unarmed and unfamiliar with a battlefield and squeamish on top of it all.
"You green?" he asked.
"No" was the clipped reply. He reached out to her anyway and pulled her up short.
"Listen, Lieutenant Bospho-" He squinted at her name patch. "Bosphor--... Lt. Bosso. Listen Bosso, I've been active for a while and I'm the one with a rifle. I'll take point."
She looked very upset. Either she wanted to lead the way because of her greater rank or she disagreed with his butchering of her name. It's not his fault her name didn't fit with standard sized lettering. He let his grip on her sleeve tighten and pulled her behind him before striding forward carefully and tugging gently at her sleeve in a silent command to follow. She didn't think of an objection before they were moving, but Link heard her mouth click shut. It hardly mattered, superior officer or not she was a mechanic and likely didn't carry anything more than a pistol if she had any weapon at all. He was trained and was at least used to the leftovers in a field. His hands were already bloodied.
Their pace picked up with him in the lead. He marched confidently through the mud, avoiding bloodstains for his delicate companion, and arrived at the Lanayru tank shortly. He circled the machine once to look for smoke. The turret hatch was open so there was unlikely to be anything smoldering inside. Lt. Bosso hauled herself up to the top and flashed a torch into the hole. As it happened, she did carry a pistol, and was comfortable enough with it to wield it alongside the torch.
"No one's home. Let's get in and rest for a bit. I wonder if they've got a decent map in here."
Link pulled himself up and slid in after her. She shuffled her way into the driver seat and he slid neatly into the gunner's . This thing had elbow room. Maybe he should have lied about his age and his home province. This would have been nice. It gave him the room to eye the Lieutenant's shapely behind from several excellent angles while she found her seat. He was still considering his luck when she finally put her butt down in a chair.
"So, Sargent Forrester. Let's figure out what's next."
Zelda
Sargent Forrester was rude and brash but kindly enough. His stumbling over her name was fairly rude and Zelda wasn't sure how he didn't recognize it. His behavior bordered on insubordination, but she was grateful that one of them knew what to do at least. She could plan all she wanted, but none of this was like boot camp and certainly unlike anything she had seen in her year of service. She ignored him as best she could when they got in the Lanayru M4A2 and immersed herself in the parts she could see from the driver's seat. The most obvious problem was a misaligned periscope, but there was likely something more wrong with it or it wouldn't have been abandoned like this.
She opened her baggage to see what they had to work with. Extra rations would have been nice, but instead there were perishable goods that had the faint smell of smoke wafting out of the first bag. Probably three or four meals worth for each of them. A field medical kit with little more than trauma bandages and some morphine. If things got that bad they were dead for sure. Her kit was undamaged but was designed to repair Hylian machines. The small kit from under the co-driver's seat would be more useful. Her own pack had some rations and a similar first aid kit supplemented with alcohol.
"What's in your bag, Forrester?" she asked. Maybe he had something of use.
He settled further into the gunner seat and closed his eyes.
Technically not insubordinate. The lists soothed her frazzled nerves. When in doubt, make a list. When the air smells of death and sweat and burning rubber, make a list. When you've seen bloody spots on the ground where your subjects lay dying, make a list. When you're locked in a tank with a stranger with a gun, make a list.
To be fair to Sgt. Forrester, he seemed trustworthy. He was rude and gruff, but followed her where she wanted to go and was clever enough to inspect the machine before he just climbed in like her dead partner. She just left his body there. She didn't even look to see if there was anything she could salvage for his family. Self-recrimination ate her from mind to heart.
"Are you alright?" Sgt. Forrester had come up to her from behind without her noticing. His eyes were soft and concerned and scanned her head to toe. He seemed to be assessing her physical and mental condition with one efficient glance. He didn't seem satisfied with the results when he was done. His hand hovered over her shoulder for a moment before retracting back to his knee. "Is this your first time out? There's no shame in snapping your cap looking at all this. I wouldn't judge you for crying even, the Goddess knows I've wanted to more than once."
Zelda didn't want to feel better. She wanted to curl up and wallow in self-pity. But he was kind and she couldn't help but be comforted by his words. She gave him a wan smile and gave herself a little shake.
"I'm fine. Thank you," she said a little more prim than she had planned, "This is my first day out, but I've been in the service for almost a year. I didn't expect... Well I thought it would be different. I've never been to the front before."
"Little more than the front, I reckon. We seem to have wandered past the front and into the back again. This hunk of metal gonna get us back? I've never been in a tube so roomy. We could..." he glanced at her and changed what he was going to say, "We could throw a party in here."
"Yes, well. There's definitely a few things that need fixing. We'll be here overnight at least. Might need to look for some replacement parts. I'll know more when I open her up." Zelda replied. She thought for a moment then thrust her hand in his direction. "I'm Zelda. What's your name?" She wasn't going to miss another name.
"Link, ma'am."
They shook. Link's hand was warm.
Link
Zelda was a surprisingly good mechanic. She pulled apart the busted periscope and spilled metal innards across the ground like the first slice into a pot pie. It didn't seem like a complicated piece of equipment until he saw all the pieces dumped unceremoniously on the floor of the otherwise pristine cabin. She poked at one of the mirrors with a wrench she pulled from her bag until she was satisfied. Link thought it looked exactly the same as when she started poking at it, but she's the expert.
She bent over nicely to see the track the periscope swivelled on to view side to side. Since her back was turned, Link let his eyes wander over the view she provided. So it was a surprise when a loud clang echoed through the still cabin. It rang like a bell for a moment before Zelda reeled back and whacked the track again with a hammer that had appeared in her hand while he was distracted.
"What are you doing?!" Link asked incredulously, "You're gonna break it!"
She ignored him and reeled back where he caught her hand before she could thrust forward and hit the track again.
"Hey!" She screeched, "Let go! It's almost fixed!"
She yanked against his hold and he tightened his grip.
"You can't do that! What if it breaks? We need that periscope so I can see while I drive this thing back."
She stopped flailing against him for a moment and he suddenly noticed their position. He was holding her arm over her head and had pulled her by the waist to press her back flush against him. There was very little space between them and it was completely inappropriate, but if he loosened his grip she might hit the hull with her hammer again. Or him. Either way, he kept his grip tight and imagined she didn't feel soft and plump and warm. She didn't seem to be having the same problem.
"You drive?! I'll be driving."
"You? I know how to drive these things. You're just a mechanic. You'll be on the radio."
"No, I'll be driving. No one is going to be on the radio. You will be sitting in the back and manning the gun. I can't shoot that thing and there's no way we're getting back without alerting the enemy. When we've crossed the lines then I'll man the radio."
Right. That made sense. He released her body and immediately used his hand to push the hair out of his face. He needed to find out how to fire this thing quickly. She used his lapse to throw her whole body forward and hit the periscope track one more time with all her body weight. She inspected her hack-job and seemed satisfied with the level of damage inflicted. The periscope was reassembled in minutes and she gave him a smug look when it swivelled from side to side smoothly. Minx.
"How do you boys sleep in this heat? I know sometimes you're in here for days. It's suffocating." She asked while sitting down delicately in the drivers seat. It was strangely feminine compared to the way she trudged around while working. She clasped her hands and draped her legs elegantly to the side as if they were sitting in a nice restaurant instead of huddled in a tank beyond the front.
He shook himself. "We don't. I usually sleep on the ground outside. But, we'll have to keep buttoned and tough it out in here. "
Link tried to seem nonchalant as he unbuttoned the first few buttons on his uniform and removed his boots. Every movement felt unrefined compared to her effortless presence. It was going to be a long, hot, uncomfortable night. The width of the cabin wasn't wide enough to lay completely flat, but it was close. He couldn't remember a time that he wished he was shorter. Zelda wasn't faring much better. She was a little taller than him and seemed reluctant to sleep sitting against the wall as he was preparing to do. He mostly didn't watch as she pulled off her shirt to reveal a white undershirt and remarkably toned arms. Link suppressed a smile when she bundled it into a cushion for her distracting bottom. Zelda's shoulder brushed his before he realised that the only place for her to sit was squished next to him, jammed into the console and with her feet pressed against the small step on the other side into the turret. She was soft and warm against his side. He pulled his bandana off his head and offered it to her. Anything to keep her soft hair from brushing him all night long and shifting his dreams to images of her.
pairing: loki x apprentice!reader (gender neutral)
genre: fluff, f2l (i guess), slow burn.
1.9k words.
a/n: felt inspired after reading Fǫruneyti by @foruneyti whose work i admire so much <3
Dark skies loom over the palace, its corridors dark and empty save for royal guards stationed by individual royal chambers and the occasional guards making their rounds. While it’s not forbidden for you to be roaming the palace this time of night, it certainly would attract unwanted attention and arouse suspicions. You carefully avoid getting spotted, swiftly moving across the corridors, past the throne hall, down a spiral staircase and aim right for the large doors of which behind them house your indoor training grounds.
The only light source in the large room comes from the night light that emits from the four enormous windows to the left. Your eyes take a few seconds to get used to the dark and scan the area for a while before landing on the very thing that led you to make the journey all the way down. Your notebook lies on one of the windowsills, illuminated by the light. You sigh out in relief.
“There you are.”
Perhaps your excitement was premature because as soon as you move to grab it, the book dissolves into shining green light. You huff out a laugh, “Idiot.”
“Is that any way to address your prince?”
You turn to face him, clad in his usual soft, black and green leather. The last you had seen him was three days ago during your training with Frigga, which he usually attends even if all he does is sit on the concrete steps by the wall, reading a book, until he was sent to tend to an urgent matter in a different city.
“My apologies, Prince Loki.” You lower your head slightly in a bow, eyes full of jest, “When did you return?”
“Earlier.” He takes steps closer and the night light only does favours to his already beautiful complexion. “I thought I sensed your magic here so I sought out the source. Turns out it was only a book.”
The item materialises in his hand. He moves it back when you reach out and sends you a knowing look.
“The first thing you do after your return is to look for me? I’m honoured.” You smile. “Did you miss me that much?”
Stepping closer for another attempt to snatch the book away, you come face to face with him as he makes it disappear once again. “And if my answer is yes?” Your faces only inches apart, his green eyes bore into yours and you take in a breath but it sounded more like a soft gasp.
Clearing your throat, you divert your gaze to the ground, ignoring the rapid beating of your heart and take a few steps back. Loki is always teasing you, he probably didn’t mean that anyway. “Loki⎼ Prince Loki, may I have my book back please?”
“Have you ever heard the phrase, finders keepers?”
“Please?” You muster up the cutest pout to the best of your abilities.
Loki tries to fight the way his eyes wish to remain glued to your lips but it’s a futile attempt. His own press together in a tight smile and he holds out his hand with the book in it. You study him for a few moments before deciding it isn’t a trick this time. But of course you should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. It disappears just as the tips of your fingers brush against it, your hand lands atop his, he takes the chance and wraps his fingers around yours. Within a fraction of a second, your surroundings change.
You now stand on a balcony at the end of a familiar hallway, stairs leading down to the garden on your left and before you, a magnificent view overlooking the sleeping city of Asgard. A favourite spot of yours, where you spend many late afternoons watching the sun go down, and many of those times with Loki right beside you.
“Lovely view this time of night, don’t you think?” From the corner of your eye, you notice his eyes don’t leave you as he says that yet he looks away when you turn to him. “So calm and peaceful.”
“My my,” you giggle, the sound like heaven to his ears, “feeling sentimental tonight, are we? What a rare occasion.”
“You dare mock your prince?”
“I am not.” you hold your head up, noting the lack of seriousness in his tone this time, “I am only stating facts, your highness.”
He mirrors your smile with something akin to fondness in his eyes, but it disappears almost immediately and he averts his gaze down then back at the view. It makes your heart twist with hope but you remind yourself that you would only be setting yourself up for disappointment.
After a period of comfortable silence, you lean toward him and whisper as if not to disturb his moment of peace, “Loki? Can I have my book back now?”
He copies your movement, moving in unbelievably close, lips hovering just over your ear and your shoulder lifts up slightly when his breath tickles your skin, “No.”
“Loki.” You manage to keep your voice steady and stern yet it only makes him chuckle. A pair of guards walk by, pausing for a moment to acknowledge the prince while you turn away to hide your burning face.
Would they speak of this to others? What would people say if word gets round of you and the prince being up at such a timing, in close proximity, enjoying what one considers a rather romantic view? You wait till they turn the corner of the garden and their backs are out of view before turning back to him. “I’m starting to think you’re only doing this to keep me here. You don’t have to resort to such things to spend time with me, you know.”
“Are you saying you are willing to entertain me whenever I wish?”
“No,” you drag out the word and speak slowly as if you’re explaining something to a child. “I will spend time with you and keep you company if you ask nicely.”
He nods as he listens and a satisfied smile plays on his lips. “You know I will hold you to that.”
“I know.” You smile, “I mean it.”
“Very well then. I’ll return what’s yours.”
“Wait, really?”
The surprise is evident on your face. You were sure he wouldn’t back down so quickly. “But only on the condition that I may have a look at its contents. Just to be sure it really is yours.”
Of course. He holds up the book with a mischievous grin and shrugs.
He knows for a fact that it’s yours. You’re never without it. It holds all the notes you’ve taken down after every lesson with Frigga. Loki often looks on as you write, complaining about how redundant writing is when you can just memorise from practice and that you’re wasting time. Yet he stays with you till you’re done.
The other half of the book however, is full of sketches; sceneries, flowers, random palace people...and of Loki.
You shift uncomfortably at the thought of him seeing your drawings of him. You had set a protection charm over the book so no one other than you, unless you allow it, would be able to see its contents. Mainly so no one else would have access to your notes on magic, but the many sketches you have of the prince isn’t something you’d like others to get their hands on either.
“Well?” He steps closer still flashing a grin.
“Alright.” You say, albeit timidly. A look of slight surprise graces his features and with a flick of your wrist, the charm goes undone temporarily.
You watch closely as he flips from page to page, a playful smirk still playing on his lips until he reaches the halfway mark and the pages appear blank. His brows furrow in confusion and sharp eyes find you again while a finger traces the page from top to bottom. “You’re hiding these pages from me. You’re getting better at controlling your magic.”
“Her Majesty is my mentor after all.” You say proudly, the anxiety slowly dissipating. “Isn’t she why you’re as powerful as you are?”
The book snaps shut and you teleport it into your hands, celebrating internally when it works. It would’ve been embarrassing had it not; teleporting isn’t your strong suit, not yet at least. “It’s late,” you say as you shove it safely into your satchel, but when you look up he’s gone. “Loki?”
“You’re right.” His voice whispers in your ear and you yelp, spinning on your feet to find him smirking behind you. Why do you always fall for that? "It's late. You shouldn't be walking around the palace at this time on your own."
"If there was anywhere I could be walking around on my own it would be in this palace."
He hums in agreement. "Why don't we take a shortcut?"
He offers his palms out to you. You haven’t mastered teleporting yourself yet, only managing to do so over a small distance, so you place your hands in his, fingers very gently holding on to yours. The next moment you're standing outside the doors to your chambers in the apprentice wing. His eyes never tear away from yours.
"Thank you Loki."
"You are most welcome." He stands and looks around expectantly, and when you question his motives, he looks at the large doors behind you. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
You let out a hearty laugh, he waits patiently for you to be done, thoroughly amused himself at how you found that funny. "You wish."
“I thought you said you were willing to spend time with me?”
“Yes,” you look at him unbelievably, “but not now.”
“Well I demand you to.”
“Well I respectfully reject it.” You hold back a laugh from escaping when the corners of his mouth drops into a frown. “Sorry to break it to you but sometimes in life you don’t get everything you wish for.”
"Oh but you see, if I truly wish for something," his eyes dart to your lips, "it will be mine sooner or later."
You shove him playfully on the chest but only to hide the embarrassment. He lowers his head in a smirk, taking a few steps back then looks up at you with his usual look of disinterest.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Loki.”
And he disappears. Pushing through the doors and making your way straight to the bed, you lie on your back and place your hands on both sides of your cheeks, feeling it burn. Then you roll on your front, reaching for the notebook and flipping to the second half where it gets messier, full of lead marks and more importantly doodles and drawings of Loki. Those only you can see. You sigh in relief.
“Wait⎼” Something is amiss. You get on your knees, close the book to take a deep breath and open it up again. Your most recent drawing of him is gone; one you had worked on this afternoon from memory alone, a portrait of his piercing eyes, raven locks and signature smirk. You were sure you’re on the exact page it was drawn on. But it’s empty. Your heart beats a mile a minute. To be extra sure, you check the other pages in a hurry, carelessly flipping through without caring if the pages get folded.
It couldn’t be the charm, as it should work only on others. Everything should appear before you. Turning to the page it’s supposed to be on again, you blink once, twice then squint as something starts to appear, but it isn’t your drawing as you had hoped.
A little sloppy.
Good effort though.
I’m keeping it.
Your eyes widen, lips part and insides start to twist.
friends with benefits! yoongi & oc.
part two of intimate (highly recommend reading this first).
one of them has caught feelings. minors dni.
6.5k words.
masterlist.
the smell of sandalwood incense wafts through the apartment, a scent that matches yoongi’s cologne. as you stand by the large windows, staring at the rain pouring down on the streets, your thoughts go wild, considering the possibilities of what may happen tonight. after your last hookup, you avoided him. or tried to.
yoongi was persistent, not because he couldn’t take a hint. but he wasn’t sure what he did wrong to have you suddenly push him away. he didn’t even consider that it might’ve been his fault initially - maybe you were just stressed about work, or family or something else that wasn’t him.
but as weeks go by, your one worded texts and curt responses weren’t cutting it out for him. not when you’re posting like normal on instagram, spending nights out with friends.
this time he doesn’t wait for you to pick up on the other side of the call. his car is parked right in front of your office building, and he stands right across the entrance, waiting for you to come out. when you finally do close to 7pm, you pause mid-way out the door. blinking at the man now standing on the footpath with his hands in his pockets, an unimpressed look on his face.
“what are you doing here?” you ask, taking small steps and maintaining the distance between you.
“had dinner yet?” he ignores your question.
your mouth parts to answer but you hesitate. your cold front was so much easier over the phone. now standing in front of him, you shrivel up in guilt. you hadn’t explained anything to him, and he’s probably as confused as ever.
you shake your head gently. “no but…it’s alright i can get something on the way back.”
yoongi nods, lips pursed. then he turns, and you think he’s mad. but all he does is open the passenger seat door for you, nodding his head for you to get in. your feet feel heavy. you shouldn’t. you have half a mind to back away, and speed off down the street.
but of course, you don’t. not when he extends his palm out to you, a hint of hope in his eyes.
his thumb gently caresses the back of your palm as you step inside, adjusting yourself comfortably. you wonder if you’ve made the right choice as you watch him cross the front of the vehicle and slipping into the seat next to yours. he leans over to reach for your seatbelt, face now inches away from yours, the smell of his cologne in your face, and you curse yourself for forgetting to do it yourself.
the entire ride was silent as he let the radio fill the car. yoongi never cared much for conversation anyways, it was always you chatting away while he drove. but now, the silence is too much even for him.
he drops you off at his fancy apartment, one you’ve been to many times, hands the doorman a bunch of bags and tells you to wash up while he gets you dinner.
twenty minutes later, you’re out of the shower, wearing clothes you’d left behind months ago, just an oversized shirt and red strawberry shorts.
the front door clicks open and yoongi enters with packed food from one of your favourite restaurants. he doesn’t let you help, only pulling the chair out for you as he starts setting the table with the food.
the entire vibe is awkward, though yoongi looks unfazed. not that you’re not used to him doing this for you, he’s always taken the initiative to set the table and everything. it’s the elephant in the room that’s killing you.
you take a few bites before already feeling full, not from the food but from the glasses of water you’ve downed in an attempt to calm your nerves. as yoongi eats quietly, you prod at the food with your fork.
“what’s wrong?” he asks, far too casually with how everything’s going so far. “not good?”
“it’s good.” you answer way too quickly, dismissing him. “i’m just-”
“not in the mood?”
you look up and his dark eyes pierce straight into yours. you muster up a smile. “i’m full.”
“that’s fine,” he nods, reaching for your plate, “you can have it for lunch tomorrow.”
yoongi’s fingers wrap around the edge of your plate, but before he can bring it over to his side, your hands wrap around his wrist and the dish falls back on your placemat. his eyes flicker up at you, only now having noticed the large cut on the back of his hand. “your hand. what happened?”
he shrugs, turning his hand to look at the wound. it’s mostly healed, but still a little red. “cut myself while trying to fix that mirror.” he nods to the newly placed mirror by the front door.
you had suggested that once. months ago. for one last outfit check before we leave the house! you reasoned. he listened.
“the mirror fell the first time round. cut myself while picking up the pieces.” he explains, but doesn’t pull his hand away, waiting till you finally ease up.
your face still twisted with concern and the guilt you’ve been wearing the entire evening. “i told you not to diy things…” you click your tongue. “you’re not handy.”
“excuse me? who do you think assembled half the furniture here?” he scowls.
“pretty sure they assemble things for you when it’s delivered.”
“maybe for clumsys like you.” he retorts and you crack a smile, scoffing out a tiny laugh.
“i’m not the one that dropped a mirror.”
he chuckles, and your heart skips. “it was heavy.”
your giggles eventually die down, and once again an awkward silence blankets the space between you. but with the tension having died down a little, you let out a tiny exhale before getting up with your plate, going round him to the kitchen island and racking the cupboards for a glass container to store the leftover pasta.
yoongi comes round a minute later with his empty plate, giving it a wash while you help him clear the other stuff on the table and giving it a wipe down.
“thanks.” he says when you appear next to him, running your hands under the water.
you smile, shaking your head and reaching for the paper towels, now standing before him awkwardly. “thank you for getting dinner.”
“you barely ate,” he comments, “are you-”
“i think i’ll head home.” you blurt out, and his brows raise ever so slightly, the soft smile he had on gradually disappearing.
he turns his side to you, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. an attempt to protect himself from whatever this is; the banging in his chest making him warm. “it’s late. just stay here for the night. i’ll drive you back tomorrow.”
a low rumble comes from outside, rain still pouring down.
you shuffle towards the window, looking at signs of life down below. it’s not that late, you could still catch the last bus if he won’t take you home. he watches your back as you contemplate. you don’t even realise he comes close, till his arms wrap around your middle and you stiffen in response.
he notices, leaning his head against yours. “i’m not letting you leave in this weather. it’s not safe.”
he presses you closer into him, and you feel your insides tingle. it’s been a while since you’ve been this close, feeling his breath on your neck.
as he slowly lowers his head, bringing his lips to your shoulder, pressing soft, gentle kisses over your skin. he feels your muscles slowly relax under him, and the corners of his lips turn up into a smile. you feel it against you.
a palm slips under your shirt, roaming over your tummy, getting teasingly close to your chest. he hums, turning his attention down south, cupping your sex over your shorts. you suck in a breath. “yoongi.”
“hm?”
the movement of his fingers causing friction between your folds and the shorts has you losing focus. all thoughts about leaving pushed to the back of your mind as his other hand plays with your breasts, flicking your nipple while he slips the other under your shorts.
“i’m-” you lose your voice.
“already?” he chuckles, breath tickling your neck as he plants kisses just under your ear.
you don’t bother with a retort, fully engrossed in whatever he’s doing to you, fingers expertly navigating your folds, then locating your clit which has your knees turning to jelly. your fingers fist his sweater behind you, and the other around his arm as you angle your hips for a better feel.
breathy moans leave your lips, head now leaning back against his shoulder. you hate that you’d much rather be doing this on his king sized bed, letting him have his way with you till you’re spent. you hate how you’re still so weak for him. even after you promised yourself to let him go.
you could’ve just said no, and he’d leave you alone. let you go, probably send you home himself. but one touch and you’re all his. you’re no better than him after all.
“oh princess, you’ve missed me huh?” he comments, watching the way you roll your hips against the heel of his palm, the wetness letting three fingers enter easily.
“ah-” your nails dig into his arm.
he wastes no time of course, eager to let you reach the climax you’re craving for. wet, sloppy, embarrassing sounds can be heard over the sound of the rain as he fingers you without mercy. resting most of your weight entirely on him now, he feels your body twitch, and your voice hitching.
with a kiss to your cheek, he curves his fingers in the way you like it and your back arches against him, as you come all over his fingers.
he holds you steady as you regain your senses, fingers tenderly rubbing against your sensitive folds till he feels your weight slowly pushed off him. still, the arm around your waist remains as he removes his hand from your shorts.
clouded by the ecstasy cursing through your veins, you turn in his hold, wrapping around him and kissing him hungrily. not one to refuse such eagerness, a clump of your hair ends up in his fist, steadying you against him, moulding his lips against yours.
hands grab the underside of your thighs, lifting you into his arms, and he carries you to the couch where he drops you gently. no time is wasted as he swiftly tugs his sweater off, then his pants, exposing his already hard self.
your shorts come off and his pupils dilate at the sight: wet, sticky, and ready. he rubs his length against your folds, watching your face twist with a growing need. your body twitches as he lets his tip rub against your clit.
he thinks he hears a whisper of his name. “what’s that, princess?”
you breathe out a sigh, lifting your head to watch as he slowly rubs against your swollen folds. “please-”
“please what?” he lets his tip slip inside you only for a second before pulling out again. you whine in defeat. “i can’t hear you.”
“i want it.” you say, bringing your fingers to your aching core, but he slaps it away.
“what do you want, baby?” a sudden jolt shoots through you as he slips in again, and pulls out. but what’s more is the nickname he used. baby. it’s always princess, or darling. never baby.
“i want you.” you whisper. “i want you inside me.”
it’s not enough for him. “you want this inside of you?”
you nod desperately and he almost gives in. he reaches down to tug your shirt- his shirt- over your head, running his warm hands over your naked body, leaning in for a kiss while continuing to rub himself against you.
you whine against his lips, bucking your hips into his. he curses, slapping the side of your ass. you yelp out a cry. he hovers above, staring at your face. “please?” you utter with the sweetest voice you can muster.
“i don’t want to.” he kisses you. “you think you deserve to get fucked tonight? after ignoring me for three weeks?”
you can only stare up at him as he continues to roll his hips. “i-”
“leaving me on read. not calling me back. and you think you deserve this? hm? i think i might just spend all night making you beg for it instead.”
“no.” you whine, “i wont do it again. i’ll be a good girl.”
his chest rises and falls as he listens. “yeah?”
you nod urgently.
“you gonna be a good girl for me?”
“i promise.” you bite your bottom lip as you watch him get back on his knees, cock twitching against your folds. “fuck me please.”
“again.”
“fuck me yoongi. fu-”
he lets his cock inside you fully this time, groaning at the feeling of your warm cunt swallowing him. he hisses, easing his breath so he wouldn’t cum prematurely.
yoongi holds on to your calves, pushing your legs against you. with one dark stare, he starts ramming into you, and you lose all your senses at once. all you can feel is yoongi, slamming his hips into yours ruthlessly.
“wai- yoong-” you try to grab hold onto something.
your sounds of pleasure fill his apartment, feeling yourself quickly reaching your climax at the pace he’s going. yoongi leans back, holding your legs up as he deprives you of a chance to catch your breath, feeling you tighten around him. your body tenses, and you cry out as you tremble in his hold, cumming all over his cock, feeling it drip down your ass.
he slows down, but doesn’t stop, leaning in to kiss you once more. he plays with your tits, bringing his mouth over one and squeezing the other.
he gets back to his knees and continues to fuck you, causing you to cry out from sensitivity. he pulls you closer, bottoming out inside of you and groaning in pleasure.
you complain with a whine, reaching out for his arms.
“i thought you wanted me to fuck you.” his voice is low and raspy, catching both your wrists and holding them close to him, stopping you from pulling away.
cries of pleasure mix in with your cries of ache in your core. “mm- cum-”
“ugh, i’m spoiling you when i should be punishing you instead.” his voice trembles as he speaks, hooked onto the look on your face.
you barely register the words coming out of his mouth, only on the way he’s slipping in and out of you, sounds of skin slapping filling the room, the sweet moans that come out of you on its own.
“cum together?” you ask so innocently it makes his dick throb.
yoongi angles himself nearer, mustering up whatever energy he has left, locked in on your eyes, that seem to have a shine to them. when your wrists wriggle in his grip, he knows you’re close.
his hips move at a constant pace. not the same kind of loving from the last time you met, it was more of a warning never to ignore him again. and you’ll gladly accept the consequences.
the sounds coming out of you are melodious. you cry out his name, sobbing when it gets too much, “yoongi- i can’t-”
your body twitches as it reaches its limit, thighs squeezing together as you tremble, cumming all over his cock. with a grunt, yoongi cums right after, transfixed on the ecstasy on your face, and the way the walls of your cunt squeeze around him.
he lets himself fall forward, hovering over you as his hips buck into yours, milking out every last drop.
—
soft music from yoongi’s room travels into the bathroom, where you and he have made yourselves comfortable in the tub after a shower. every time, you’re amazed at how lavishly he lives. there was a high rise apartment kind of rich, which he is, and then there’s a huge bathtub in a bathroom of a high rise apartment kind of rich. also him.
he rests on the side across from you, leaning his head against the solid, eyes closed. you keep to your end, allowing your senses to finally return, screaming at you over what occurred. this wasn’t part of the plan. but you just couldn’t resist him. you needed him.
as if he could hear your thoughts, yoongi snaps his eyes open. and the first thing he sees is yours. after a couple of seconds, the water swooshes about as he slides over to your side.
when he settles down, you turn to the side, meeting his gaze, and break out into a chuckle. he swings his arm around your shoulder, and you very naturally slide into him.
his arm rests on your thigh like it’s the most natural thing ever, and he stares at your side profile. you turn to him, running your eyes over his face. “yes?”
with a straight face, he stares into your eyes that shine with so much vulnerability in them, “tell me what’s wrong.”
“nothing’s wrong.” you say softly, knowing he doesn’t believe you. you don’t believe you.
“then why are you being so cold to me?” he asks. if he’s hurt, it doesn’t show. “if i did something wrong, you can tell me. i want to know.”
“you didn’t do anything…”
“stop.” he shakes his head, “clearly something’s bothering you. what is it?”
“i wanted some time for myself.” you say without looking at him. “is that so wrong?”
he raises a brow and you squirm, feeling his grip on your thigh tighten when you do. “why didn’t you just say so?”
“because.” you shrug. “it’s not like you’re my boyfriend. i don’t have to tell you everything.”
he stops and stares. “are we just gonna pretend you’re not taking a tone with me?”
“i’m not.” you huff, sliding away from him and turning to face him with a slight frown. he loves that. you cross your arms, wanting him to drop it already. but at the same time you can’t help but to relish in the fact that he actually cares enough to want to find out why you were distancing yourself. “you’re overreacting.”
“i’m over-” yoongi laughs. “you’re impossible, you know that?”
he didn’t mean it in a bad way, evident by the smile still on his face. he puts his palms up, shrugging. “fine, if you say we’re good, then i’m good.”
“yeah. we’re good…” your voice fades away towards the end and he raises a knowing brow. “can i ask you something?”
he laughs, having expected this.
you suddenly feel exposed in the middle of the tub. “what do you think about…this?”
“this?”
“you know…” you slide closer, placing a hand on his thigh. his eyes roam to your bare collarbone then back up at you. “this…between us?”
“what?” his hand slides over yours and up your arm. “you’re gonna have to be more specific.”
you start to get warm when he focuses on you, expectant. “us. this thing between us.”
“you mean this awkward tension after you ghosted me for three weeks?”
he sees the drop in your expression and moves closer to you, hugging your side. “hey, i was kidding.”
you nod, smiling weakly. “i know. sorry.”
he runs his eyes over your features, hand placing over your tummy, “i missed you.”
you turn to see his smiling face, and his thumb tracing over your cheek. he doesn’t seem to be joking this time. “you did?”
yoongi nods. “of course. all those nights i could’ve spent cuddled up with you but instead…it was just me.”
“oh, so you missed…” the sex. of course. that’s all that you are to him afterall. why did you think three weeks would make a difference. he has other options. in fact, he might’ve had them over when you didn’t respond. “right…”
“what?” he asks when you try to wiggle out of his hold.
“i think i’m done being in the water.” you say with a fake smile. droplets of water roll down your form as you get up and yoongi watches your figure make your way out of the tub, wrap a towel around yourself and leave the washroom.
–
back in his room, you’ve managed to find other pairs of clothing you left behind and put them on. you unplug your phone from the nightstand charger and check your notifications, only now realising he’d sent you a bunch of texts over lunch. the chat was muted, so you never realised.
you hear the bathroom door open behind you, and he steps out in a robe, walking over to his wardrobe. you don’t turn, pretending to be busy by the window.
“why didn’t you wear the ones i got you?” he asks, holding up the bags you’d brought up earlier.
you see it from the reflection on the window, and turn. “i didn’t realise they were for me.”
he raises a brow. “you didn’t think i’d wear this, did you?” he snakes a hand inside and pulls out a light blue laced lingerie.
you chuckle at the image, covering your mouth. his muscles visibly relax when he sees you smile.
“there’s also a new pajama set in here. i know you like when things match inside and outside.”
your face goes warm again. why does he remember such details about you? you only mentioned it once, you think.
“thanks.” you go over to him and receive it. “do you want me to wear it now?”
yoongi rests on the edge of his bed with a scrunched up face. “you can wear it whenever you want to. it’s yours. i don’t buy stuff just cause i wanna see you in it.”
you look at him with a raised brow.
“fine, sometimes.” he says with a straight face and watches as you roll your eyes and strut across the room in your oversized shirt - his shirt - and place the bags by your stuff. “i buy things when they remind me of you.”
you look at him with an amused look. “so you walked past a lingerie store, saw a set you liked and thought of me in it. how sweet.”
“thank you, i am pretty sweet.” he chuckles, patting the space next to him. you walk over slowly and he grabs you by the hand, letting you settle between his legs instead. “but this time, i thought about you…what you’d like…and bought them because i know you’d like them.”
you can’t lie and say your heart didn’t skip a beat. “you were thinking about me?”
“clearly more than you thought about me.” he retorts.
you stare at his pinkish lips, wet hair pushed back, dark orbs looking up at you, and heave out a sigh, relaxing into him. “...i thought of you.”
“yeah?” he hums, pressing you close. “tell me more.”
“you first.”
“the evidence is right there in those missed calls and unread texts baby,” he whispers. then closes the gap between you again, tucking your hair behind your ear and cupping your jaw in his palm, in a gentle way but to show he’s in charge. he brings your face close and presses your lips together, getting his kiss. you whimper into it. “god, i’ve really missed this.”
you push back against him, pulling away with a smack of your lips.
“is that the only thing you miss?” your voice is quiet but it fills the space between you. he ponders for a moment, eyes trailing over your features.
“what?”
shifting, you finally reach for him, hands gripping the hem of his sweater. “were there other things you missed…or just the sex?”
“sounds like a trick question.” he grins. “is this a test?”
“i’m serious yoongi.” your hands ball up in fists, pulling on the front of his sweater. “i want to know…do you miss me? or just someone to mess around with?”
the look on his face tells you it finally clicks in his mind. yoongi is quick, it wouldn’t take him much to figure it out. he just needed you to give him information.
“so that’s what this is about.” he hums, staring at you. you’re flushed, barely able to raise your head.
you stay quiet.
“this is why you’ve ignored me? and acting strange this whole time?” maybe it was just your imagination, but his hold around you loosens. he might as well have kicked you out.
your brows scrunch up, walls going up in defense. “i didn’t say that.”
“y/n…”
you hate that tone he says it in, like he’s tired of this already. you avert your gaze. “you didn’t answer the question.”
his silence is all you need to confirm it. when you try to move away, he holds you back, forcing you to look at him again. he stands over you now. “i did miss you. not just the sex.”
his mouth parts and closes like he’s not done.
“but…y/n, didn’t we talk about this?” he takes a breath. “remember what i said in the beginning? i only want this if we can stay friends throughout. and you agreed.”
“i know that.” you huff. “i know what we agreed on. but…i-”
“the whole reason why i set that condition was because i was trying to avoid something like this from happening.” yoongi explains. “i’m not- i dont- i don’t like drama.”
“i’m the drama?”
“no this-” he gestures between you, “this is the drama. this is why i don’t date. there’s always something, honestly…i just wanted something without all the…”
your heart clammers in your chest, feeling all sorts of rage. “well i’m sorry i didn’t live up to your expectations then.”
as you turn to leave, he grabs your wrist, “don’t say that. that’s not what i meant.”
it’s quiet but the thundering of your chest takes over your senses.
“y/n we…we talked about this…” he repeats, as if it would make it better.
your heart sinks, freefalling thirty stories down the apartment building, smashing into the concrete floor below. i knew it i knew it i knew it. you knew he doesn’t feel the same. he doesn’t want anything more than whatever this is. and the thing is, you can’t be mad because he’s right, you did talk about it and agree to this physical relationship with him.
you’re suddenly flushed, and embarrassed, like you’re trapped in a glass box and yoongi’s on the outside, staring at you.
“right…” you whisper, chuckling lightly, “we did.”
when you look at him, your eyes have a shine to them. you fight back the lump in your throat, especially when you see the way he looks at you. stop looking at me like you care! you want to scream.
“sorry i’m being silly.” you push away from him, straightening yourself out, “i just…nevermind.”
“y/n-”
“forget about it.” you look up at him, a pleading look. “please.”
he squeezes your wrist, like he wants to say something, hold you a little longer, but he doesn’t. instead, he swallows, and nods, agreeing.
that night, you lie on your side of yoongi’s bed, while he stays on his. you hear him sighing out every now and then, and you know he’s not asleep either. you stare out the window, and a single tear drops down to the pillow. you try to be as quiet as possible, sniffling silently.
but clearly not silent enough, because you feel a shift behind you, and soon your freezing back is in yoongi’s warmth as he snakes his arm over your middle to pull you close, not saying anything, just letting you know he’s there.
it makes you cry more, knowing this will never be how you want it to be.
–
yoongi drifts off into a daydream, thoughts dragging him to a different country. he’s due for a nice vacation, and he can see it now, a casual stroll down the streets of rome, or a beach in bali, or maybe to london during christmas. that would be nice.
but for some reason, his mind conjures up an image of you along in all these scenarios, as if it were not complete otherwise; your hand in his as you walk down the streets of rome at night, taking pictures of you with the eiffel tower at the back, seeing you all bundled up with a warm scarf around your neck in london. fuck.
snapping back to reality, he’s faced with a woman in front of him, who’s yet to stop talking or realising that she’d lost his attention ten minutes ago. this was his fourth try in a week, but somehow, not even one of them came close to you.
“hey, sorry.” he cuts her off. “i’m feeling a bit sick.”
her brows scrunch in worry. she doesn't have the same cute face you do when you do that. “are you okay? i have some-”
“i need to go. very sorry.” he pays for her drink anyways and zooms out of there, disappearing between the bodies of people before she can run after him.
it’s been two months since you spoke. the morning after that night, he’d gone to work early, and you woke up to an empty house but with breakfast delivered right after a shower. he must have been checking on you through the cameras.
but you packed your things and left.
and he never chased you.
yoongi drives through the city, with no destination in mind. he stops by the road just before a turn which leads to your apartment, letting the window down and the cool breeze calm his mind. why can’t he stop thinking about you? why can’t he let you go? he’d sworn of relationships, but even he can’t deny how natural it all felt when he was with you.
the squeeze in his chest tightens when he’s reminded of the sounds of your sobbing that night in his bed. you let him hold you. even though he’d hurt you.
he thought of calling, or sending a text. but nothing felt right. then days turned into weeks, and eventually a month had gone. and another. in that time, he kept himself busy, went to the bar thrice a week like he used to. spoke to lots of women, none of which made him forget about you. none made him feel the way you did.
you just had something which made him calm and happy. the sex was amazing, but so were the other things, like how you’d cuddle his arm when you watched a movie, the way you get on your tiptoes to kiss him. the scrunch of your nose when you get mad.
“damn it.” he curses, scrolling through his phone.
—
“hey, you’re back!”
your neighbour greets you as you slip your key into the lock, the other hand on the handle of your luggage, sliding it through the entrance. you give her a warm smile. “yeah, got the early flight.”
“how was germany?”
“colder than i was expecting,” you shake your head at the memory, almost froze my fingers off. but it was a nice time.”
she pouts, locking her door. “i’m jealous.”
“to be fair, i spent most of my time working.” you shrug, waving her off, “you didn’t miss out much.”
“oh well.” you neighbour sighs, “you got a little downtime i hope- oh! by the way, your boyfriend came looking for you.”
she sees the growing confusion on your face.
“long hair, looks mildly annoyed?”
it can’t be-
“he was here every evening last week, knocking on your door. had to tell him you weren’t in town eventually…it was getting sad.” she laughs at the memory, oblivious to the way you’re standing there in mild horror.
yoongi had come looking for you?
“i told him you’d be back today. hope that’s not a problem? i mean i’ve seen him around before so i thought…”
“oh,” you give an awkward laugh, slightly more horrified that she recognises him, “yeah don’t worry about it. thanks for letting me know.”
after a short goodbye, you let yourself inside and let your head fall back against the door, hoping the pain would mask the embarrassment you feel right now. you want to scream, not just at the fact that your neighbour has probably heard you and yoongi those nights together, but also that he came to look for you.
granted you’ve put his chat on mute permanently, but you never received any calls in the last week you were gone.
not wanting to get out of your dirty clothes yet - this is much too urgent - you check your chat with yoongi.
can i see you?
i want to talk
please?
that was a little over a week ago. like your neighbour said, he’d come round all week, probably thinking you were ghosting him again, wanting to make up and go back to your usual hookup.
you wouldn’t put it past him. although you were sure he was done with you after that night. moving on to the next person he can find, no strings attached. no drama, unlike you.
what if he does end up wanting to go back to normal? it’s something you’ve thought about a lot. he’s good at that - letting things go.
and to be honest, you wouldn’t be opposed to it. not because your girlfriends haven’t yelled at you enough to stop going back, nor is it because you no longer feel the same about him.
it’s because you miss him. and maybe being close to him, even just for sex, is better than losing him altogether.
fingers hover over the keypad, wrecking your brain for what to say. nothing comes to mind. you can’t think straight, not with the jetlag fogging over your brain. you leave it for now. it’s better to respond with a clearer mind.
after a long shower, you let the pillows swallow you whole, succumbing to the heaviness of your eyelids, knowing you’d probably have trouble later tonight.
–
the sky is dark when your eyes flutter open, having slept for five whole hours. you sit up groggily, wiping the drool off your chin, contemplating your existence. the immediate grumbling of your stomach reminds you that you haven’t had a proper meal since yesterday.
you’d emptied the fridge before your trip, so takeout is your only option.
after a quick wash up, you’re grabbing your keys and turning the door handle, only to find yoongi, fist halfway up to a knock, face as surprised as yours. maybe even more. you might have even noticed a gulp.
he stands there in all black, in his casual work attire. after a couple of moments, his shoulders visibly relax and a smile appears on his face.
i’ve missed you.
–
despite refusing, yoongi insisted on driving you to the fast food joint nearby. it was only a twenty minute walk, which meant the awkward ride was thankfully shorter.
at this time of the evening, a crowd had gathered inside, forcing you to stick closer to him than you would have. not that he minds. in fact, he finds himself straining to keep his hand from wrapping around your shoulder and holding you closer.
“you don’t have to eat here if you don’t want to.” you say, looking up at him as he looks at the menu. “i’ll get it to go.”
“we can eat in the car,” he tears his eyes from the screen, “or at my place?”
the question lingers. you ignore it, allowing the noise to drown it out, pretending you never heard that part.
“set b?” he asks, and this time you hear him fine, and look at him again.
“yeah-”
“upsize with fries, no veggies on your burger?”
“yeah.” that’s exactly what you were gonna get. you fight the sting in your chest, a mixture of surprise and affection that he remembers how you like it. even more so because you never really frequented this specific place as much together, only those nights he’d come over.
your thoughts come to a pause when a shoulder bumps into yours, squeezing through to get to their order on the counter. instinctively, yoongi wraps his arm around your waist to keep you steady, pressing you against him. sneaking a glance at him, he doesn’t react, keeping a straight face as he looks ahead. holding you close, like it’s only natural.
you end up eating in his car parked by the street as you watch people go by, while he watches you. it’s impossible not to notice when he does it so brazenly. but you don’t acknowledge it, continuing to pick the pickles off your supposedly no veggie burger.
“they’re not bad,” he laughs, “the flavours come together when you eat.”
“it’s not that i don’t like them.” you explain. “i just don’t like them with my burger.”
he shakes his head with a chuckle. then it goes quiet again.
“sorry i didn’t reply to your texts.” you finally say.
yoongi looks up from his food and you notice the way his eyes light up, and you spot something you rarely see in them, vulnerability. his walls are down.
“that’s okay.” he shrugs. “you were out of the country.”
“for work.” you nod. not that it mattered. and yoongi isn’t stupid - why would being elsewhere stop you from replying?
“how was it?”
“it was nice,” you shrug, “cold though.”
“mm.” he nods, and you can hear the wheels turning in his mind. he’s yet to bring up what he wants to talk about. “how’ve you been? in the last month.”
distracted. a mess. heartbroken.
“fine.” you manage to keep a straight face, though you’re sure the crack in your voice betrays you. “what about you?”
“i’ve been okay.” he shrugs, looking down again. “bored.”
you think he might be baiting you, but one look at him and you realise not. he looks at the fries in his hand, chewing and deep in thought. you wonder if everything’s okay. it’s not unusual for him to be quiet, but something feels off.
“is everything alright?” you ask, hesitantly.
he takes a moment, surprised at your sudden concern.
“do you want to drop by my place?” he comes right out and asks, hopeful, though it doesn’t show. he’s also aware he’s fully ignored your question, but he’s been waiting for you all week, and now that you’re here everything he wants to talk to you about feels like it’s much too important to be chatting in a car. “we could hang out and talk a bit more?”
his heart races while you contemplate.
you scrunch up the wrapper in your hands and take a sip. “maybe next time? i’m really tired.”
a lie, you’d just slept for 5 hours.
it was odd, you’d just rejected his offer, but you feel the pang in your chest when his expression drops in disappointment. yoongi never shows too much, not like this.
a part of you wonders if you should go with him, tell him you’ve changed your mind. you can sleep over after all (cause that’s always a good idea, right?). but then you recall the last time you were there, and your face heats up.
yoongi doesn’t question you. he drives you back without complaining, and walks you up to your door despite you telling him you’re fine on your own. as you stand at the door, thanking him for dinner, you contemplate, on a hug- a handshake?- or something. “thanks yoongi.”
“no problem.” he stands, hands in his pockets. “can i see you tomorrow?”
“i know it’s been two month, but surely you can wait a little more.”
his brows raise slightly, an urgency in his voice. you were joking of course. “no- it’s not- i-” he calms down when you laugh, “i just want to talk.”
he inches closer and you freeze as his eyes drop to your lips, but his hand comes up to your hair, tucking the stray strands out of your face and behind your ear.
“i’ll pick you up.” he says, still staring at your lips, and you wonder if he’ll kiss you. he doesn’t, eyes flickering up to yours. “okay?”
“okay.” it comes out as a whisper.
–
yoongi arrives on time as promised, face lighting up as soon as you exit the doors of your building, carrying a big tub in your hands. his eyes land on it as he opens the door for you. “what’s that?”
“i baked. banana bread.” you say.
his eyes flicker up to yours, corners of his lips turning upwards. he loves your banana bread. you see the silly smile on his face as he crosses the front of the car and into his seat.
“it’s still warm.” you click the cover off the container, “you want a taste?”
before he can respond, busy steering out of the street and checking mirrors, you’ve peeled a chunk off and reached over to his lips. yoongi gulps at the scent, taking the bite, and pretending he doesn’t feel your soft fingers brush against his lips.
“so good,” he mutters as he chews.
the smile stays throughout the ride, and you silently hope it’s not just the banana cake that’s kept it there. and it’s not because your girlfriends haven’t yelled at you enough about going back to him, you’re fully aware that he doesn’t see you in the way you want him to.
don’t do this to yourself. dont be stupid. you deserve so much better. their voices echo in your mind.
and yes, maybe they’re right. but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy being with him for as long as he still wants you around.
as soon as you arrive at his place, the smell of tofu stew lingers in the air, and you see the table already set up for two. he comes up behind you, gently resting his hand on your back. “come on.”
“did you make this?” you ask, taking a sip of the soup that he’d scooped into a smaller bowl for you.
his brows scrunch together, “are you questioning my abilities?”
“hm. it’s a little too good.” you take another spoonful and let out a satisfactory squeal.
“i’ll have you know i made it from scratch.” he narrows his eyes at you. “and with love.”
he pauses abruptly at the end, not realising what he’d said till it left his mouth. you wouldn’t have thought anything about it, just yoongi being yoongi, but his reaction has you focusing on the food in front of you instead of him.
“it’s really good.” you say, mid-chew.
the tension eases, or at least, yoongi goes back to normal, and gives a warm smile as he takes a bite himself. “thanks. i put in lots of tofu, i know you like them. and also your favourite enoki mushrooms.”
“you’re sweet,” your heart hammers against your ribcage, god you adore him.
a comfortable silence falls between the two of you while you continue your dinner. he asks you about your trip and you tell him about how you didn’t want to go, but was essentially chosen for it. he listens carefully as you go on, at times, eyes dropping to your lips then back up again.
then after, yoongi does the dishes while you wipe the table down. when you’re done, you go over to his side, helping him dry them before placing everything neatly on the rack.
“thanks for dinner.” you say, as you watch him dry his hands.
“no problem.” he mutters without looking at you, busy pulling out two mugs. “hot chocolate?”
you nod, eyes lingering a little longer over his features.
he gets to work, hands moving swiftly and you stand there watching him. after he pours the steaming hot water into the mug, stirring the drinks, he turns to you, now heading in your direction.
your heart hammers in your chest as you step back, but the counter sits behind you, and traps you as yoongi closes in. he looks down at you for a moment, and his pupils watch you swallow the lump in your throat. a tiny smile breaks out before he extends his hand, reaching behind you for a spoon.
you let out a quiet breath when he steps away, the clinking of the spoon against the mugs as he stirs. why are you so nervous?
you clear your throat, and straighten yourself out. he hands you a mug, and you take a sip before placing it back on the counter, watching him.
“so, what did you want to talk about?”
“about the other night.”
you start to heat up, remembering just how terribly it went. “can we not?” you huff out an embarrassed laugh.
his lips curl up. “i want to though.”
“okay…” you turn away, walking around the island as he watches you. “what about the other night?”
you take interest in the view instead, noticing how the clouds have greyed above, a glow of lightning in the distance. ironically in the same way it did the last time you found yourself here. behind you, yoongi follows your path, showing up by your side. “when did it start? for you?” he asks bluntly.
“i don’t know.” you dart your eyes around everywhere but him. “it just did. i just like spending time with you and being with you. and…i like you.”
his head nods gently, trying to understand it. “you’re cute.”
“what?” you laugh, swallowing down the nervousness building in your throat.
he smiles, then runs his hand through his hair. “you might not know this but i’m not very good at romantic stuff.”
your eyes go wide comically, and you cover your mouth with a gasp. “really? i would’ve never guessed!”
“okay.” he says in response, rolling his eyes with a smile tugging on his lips. “i um, set those conditions at the start because i…really suck at relationships. it’s something i’ve never really been good at.”
“did someone hurt you?”
“maybe. i don’t know.” he sucks in a breath. “like i said, it’s just…drama.”
“hm.” you nod, not knowing if you should pull on this thread.
“things always end up in a fight about something.” yoongi mutters. “i don’t do enough, or i care about my work too much- i don’t know.”
you’ve always felt yoongi loved his job a lot. he is his own boss, and puts in hours in the studio when he needs to, not the typical nine to five most people go for.
“and i never know how to fix things…i’m just…bad at it.” he shrugs. “so i thought, from then on if i could have something less committed, someone who wouldn’t curse at me for not texting back or not liking their posts on instagram…then maybe i could have a relationship without the relationship. you know?”
you nod, looking at his side profile as he stares out the window. you get it now. his cold demeanour at times, his nonchalance, isn’t for everyone. and yes, he isn’t the best at noticing things, like how you’d completely fallen for him months back, but it doesn’t make you feel any different.
“i see.” your lips form a pout as you pause in thought. “what if it just wasn’t meant to be?”
“if you bring up my rising moon water sign or whatever-”
“i’m just sayingggg,” you drag it out and he chuckles, “sometimes you like someone but your idea of love doesn't match?”
“idea of love?” he turns to you, “love is love.”
“true.” that stupid grin on his face is contagious. “i’m saying, that sometimes it just doesn’t work out because you don’t understand each other. your old partner’s love language might’ve been quality time, and your busy schedule made them feel unsatisfied.”
“right. so.” yoongi shakes his head, shrugging. “doesn’t change what i said. it’s too much drama.”
you open your mouth to speak, but stop yourself, instead smiling and nodding.
yoongi notices, and scratches the back of his neck, “sorry, i’m being defensive again. i told you, i’m not good at this.”
“it’s funny, you keep saying that.” you wrap your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling the chill. “but haven’t you been doing typical relationship stuff already? you pick me up from work, you cook for me, call me just to talk, we watch movies together, you let me tell you about the books i read, you rant to me about the artistes you work with…it’s basically a relationship. just without commitment.”
yoongi thinks about it.
“even that part,” you chuckle, “i mean i dont know about you but, i haven’t been with anyone else ever since we started this.”
he swallows. “me neither.”
you try to fight a grin. “well then. that’s commitment, isn’t it?”
yoongi’s turns back to the view and you think maybe you’ve annoyed him again.
“we don’t have to label it, if that makes you happy.” you say quietly, shrugging one shoulder when he looks at you. “we don’t even have to continue it…”
yoongi steps closer, carefully shortening the gap between you. he runs the back of his fingers lightly over your cheek. “but will that make you happy?”
your heart feels like it just dropped to your stomach at the unexpected question. his hands find their way to your waist, wrapping around them and holding you close to him. “me? i-”
yoongi rests his forehead against yours, shutting his eyes as if letting his feelings in pains him. “i want…to make you happy.”
you don’t know what this means, but the words coming out of his mouth feel foreign to you. this is a man who’s just spent the last five minutes explaining why he doesn’t do relationships but is he now, confessing?
“i…” he starts, then stops again. “i can’t stop thinking about you. this last two months have been torture. i couldn’t see you, couldn’t talk to you, couldn’t hold you in my arms.”
“yoongi, what are you-”
“do you know how much it hurt hearing you cry that night? i felt like an idiot the next morning.” yoongi confesses, opening his eyes and looking at you now. “i didn’t want to hurt you anymore, i knew i couldn’t commit to anything more than what we were…so i thought i’d let you go.”
“but fuck, was i an even bigger idiot for that.” he laughs at himself. “i missed you so much you even showed up in my dreams.”
all you can do is stare at him, barely registering what he’s saying to you.
“so…what are you saying?” you ask, heart hammering in your chest. with the way he’s holding you against him, you can feel his heart rate rise too.
he gulps, biting his lip. “i’m saying…i think i like you too.”
your eyes all but light up, in shock at first, then your face crinkles into a huge grin, “what?”
he shuts his eyes, groaning as heat pools in his cheeks. “i like you. and i want us, this to be…something. officially”
you wrap your arms around him, studying the shy smile on his face and the way he avoids eye contact. “you really do suck at this, don’t you?”
his brows furrow slightly. “i thought that went well.”
“why did you ramble about not wanting another relationship, then tell me you like me back?” you tilt your head.
he wets his bottom lip at the way your eyes look up at him. “maybe i didn’t think that through. but i wanted you to understand why i didn’t want us to end up dating…and i want you to know that despite all of that, now i’m willing to give it a shot. with you.”
your eyes get glossier and you blink incessantly. “yeah, you suck.”
he smiles down at you. “i guess you’re going to have to take the lead.”
you look at him seriously for a minute. “are you sure about this? if it’s not what you want, we don’t have to…i’m okay for us to go back to how we were.”
“you said it yourself, we were already acting like a couple before,” yoongi says. “and i think, adding a label to it won’t make much of a difference. not when our feelings are mutual. hm?”
you grin up at him, the most adorable smile ever.
“so?” he raises a brow. “would you like to be my girlfriend?”
bitting your bottom lip, overcome with so much glee you could burst right there and then, melting into his arms.
–
“you know this means we have to hold hands when we walk down the street?”
you lie in his bed, fresh after a shower, wearing one of his shirts and your leftover shorts. yoongi comes over from where he was drying his hair, settling for the spot next to you, resting on his side, head on his palm. “been trying to do that since forever.”
“and i can come over anytime.”
“mhm.” he rests his free hand on your middle, leaning in to kiss you. “you can stay here.”
“can i hard launch on instagram?”
he makes a face. “not big on that.”
“please? it’s a private account.” you jut out your lower lip, and he hates how it’s working. “i just wanna show off my hot, sexy producer boyfriend.”
“in that case yes.” he grabs your chin, pressing his lips to yours, forcing them apart for a heated kiss. “make sure everyone knows you’re mine.” he whispers against you.
“am i?” you tease, gently brushing your lips against his, breath hot against him.
“you’ve always been mine, haven’t you?” he kisses you slowly, teasingly, while his hand slides down south, touching you over your panties. “always so good to me, always ready for me.”
you let out a tiny whimper. he brings his hand back up, to your chest, pushing his shirt up and exposing your breasts. sighing in content, he presses gentle kisses against your breasts, riling you up until he rolls his tongue against a nipple.
“did you think about me at all in the last two months?” he asks against your skin, moving to your other breast and taking it in his mouth.
your back arches, fingers grabbing on to the back of his head.
“did you?” he repeats, pulling away to look at you. half-lidded eyes, red lips.
“all the time.” you admit quietly.
his fingers grab the flesh of your waist in an attempt to control himself. “yeah? and what did you do about it?”
“cried myself to sleep?”
you chuckle and he breaks into a laugh, pressing a kiss to your temple, then lands a smack to the side of your hip, making you yelp. you shift your body to hug him, and he tugs your leg over him, sighing into the hug.
“i thought about you alot.” you say, leaning back against the pillow. “thought about your voice, your kisses, your hands all over me…”
“show me.” he whispers.
and he swallows the dryness in his throat as his eyes trail after your hand which slides down your smooth skin, legs separating and moving your panties to the side before your fingers rub over your clit.
your face burns under his stare, you’d never done this before, touched yourself in front of him. his eyes are hooked on you, grabbing on to the thigh closest to him and angling your leg up for you to slip your fingers in yourself.
a strangled noise comes out of you, and his dick twitches in his sweatpants.
your soft whimpers distract him from your movements, and as soon as his eyes land back on yours, he leans in to press a gentle kiss to your cheek. his hand remains on your inner thigh, rubbing the skin, and you wish he would touch you.
“look at you,” he growls, “don’t even need me.”
“need you-” you whisper, fingers slowing down.
“do you?” he teases, caressing your inner thigh before he lands a slap on it, making your legs tremble, hand pulling away to grab his wrist. “who said you could stop?”
you protest when he tugs his hand away, “i want you to do it.”
a smile tugs on his lips, and he lets you guide his hand exactly where you want him. “you want me to what?”
“touch me.” you whine. “please yoongi.”
“so spoiled.” he comments, kissing you on the forehead just as his fingers make contact with your folds, running over them tenderly, then rubbing slow circles over your clit, taking your silence and heavy breaths as a sign of approval.
you feel the increasing wetness around your entrance, a growing need to have him fill you up. but you know he won’t make it so easy. three fingers enter you, staying in place till you catch your breath, his sharp eyes watching you intensely.
no sooner than when you lock eyes with him, does he start his work on you, not bothering to start with a gentle pace. he knows what you like, and what you can take. the squelching as his fingers move in and out of you has you heating in embarrassment, but it only fuels his need.
his fingers curve, and your lower body arches, taking your breath away with the need for more. your thighs start to close in, and he hooks his leg over your right leg to keep them apart.
“mmf- fuck-” you huff out, clawing at his arm.
he swallows your curses with his mouth over yours, kissing you gently, a contrast to his movements down south. your mouth falls slack as you start to see stars, and yoongi sees you to the end, fighting the ache in his arm to bring you to your high, till he’s coated in your release.
your hips twitch as you let go, feeling him pull his fingers out as you catch your breath.
moments later, you feel him move away from your side, and his hands on your knees, pulling your legs apart to look at you.
you peek at him, feeling heat creep up your cheeks.
he glances at you, then smirks, pulling your soaked panties off. “always so messy.” he teases.
you bite your bottom lip in a smile. “who’s fault is that?”
he shrugs, watching you push yourself up and pulling him down by his shirt to kiss him. your hands travel up his body and he hums as you shove the fabric up and pull it over his head. your kisses go down south, from his neck, down his body and right down to the hem of his sweats.
as you pull it down, exposing his length, yoongi stops you with a hand on your wrist. “what are you doing?”
“returning the favour,” you say obviously.
he frowns. you made it clear early on when you started fucking that you didn’t want to do blowjobs. and yoongi never cared for it, he’d much rather be inside you anyways.
“i thought you don’t do-”
you grab the base of his shaft and press a kiss to his tip, making him twitch. “i make exceptions for my boyfriend.”
yoongi slides the rest of his sweats off and sighs, “well i guess i won’t say no.”
you take your time with him, covering each part of him with a kiss before letting him in your mouth. yoongi seethes the moment you take him in, the warmth of your mouth a new feeling for him.
you bob your head against his hips, taking all of him as you watch his eyes fall shut. yoongi’s hands find their way to your head, bringing your hair up into a ponytail in his fist. “fuck y/n, you’ve been holding out on me.”
“hm?” you hum and he curses again, this time bucking his hips into you.
when he opens his eyes, they meet with yours, but his is full of lust, and the power dynamic shifts as his grip on your head tightens, guiding you to move in sync with his hips as they meet you halfway.
you protest when it gets too rough, and he mutters a lazy apology, quickly switching back to a gentler pace. barely catching his breath, yoongi focuses on the way you devour him, but the obscene image alone could bring him to his high. he tugs on your hair to slow you down, groaning when his cock leaves the warmth of your mouth.
you look up at him quizzically, and he simply guides you back onto the mattress, hovering over you. “sorry baby, but if you keep going, i might not even make it past the next five minutes.”
yoongi swallows your laughter with a heated kiss, lips moulding into yours, hungry and urgent. an ache forms down south and yoongi’s cock twitches when you wrap around it, wanting to guide it inside you.
he swats your hand away, tutting. “i thought you liked this part.”
heating up, you remember telling him how much you enjoyed the foreplay, sometimes even more than the actual sex. he’d never forget such a revelation.
“i do.” you admit shyly, “but i want to feel you inside me already.”
yoongi heaves out, leaning down for a heated kiss before whispering against your lips. “you’re gonna be the death of me.”
he shifts to his knees, dragging you closer, hooking his arms under your knees, angling your hips a little off the bed. lust takes over his gaze as he looks at your bare form, cunt wet and spread out in front of him. angling himself over your folds, he looks into your eyes as he slips inside, staring intently at the way your mouth parts and pleasure seeps through your expression.
you lean back into the pillow, eyes closed as you concentrate on how it feels. his hands drop down to where your hips and thighs meet, keeping you close as he slips in and out of you, gentle and intentional.
an electrifying buzz flows through his veins, something he’s never felt before. it makes his fingers dig into your flesh, the feeling intensifying each time you whimper as he pulls out and slips back in.
“baby,” he whispers, and it makes your heart flutter.
turning back to him, you manage a small smile, and he feels the walls around his heart disintegrate. the fog that’s plagued his mind the last two months is finally clearing up. how he ever let you walk out that door, he’ll never know. but he knows now that he’s never going to let that happen again.
how was he ever so blind to not realise how you made him feel? he should tell you that, he thinks. his words have never failed him when he’s writing lyrics, or producing songs. but this is where he falls flat. maybe one day he’ll figure out how to tell you exactly that without fucking it all up.
your hands reach out for him, craving his skin against yours. yoongi leans forward to wrap around your middle, lifting you off the bed and into a straddling position. now, face-to-face, you trace a finger over his cheek as he holds you close.
“i love you.” the words leave your lips so easily.
you can tell it took him by surprise, and you don’t expect him to say it back. not now at least. but he shows you his response in the way he crashes his lips into yours, devouring you as his hands roam your body while your hips roll against him.
his kisses travel down your neck, past your collarbone and towards your chest where your back arches at the slightest contact of his tongue against your sensitive buds. his grip keeps you steady, and when your hips stop moving against him, focusing on the attention he’s giving you. a soft sigh escapes you, and he tears away from your body to look at you.
tucking stray hairs behind your ears, yoongi urges you to continue with a roll of his hips. as you do, he leans back with his palms steadying him, watching you ride him. while confident at first, you start to heat up under his intense stare as his eyes travel down your body, to where you’re joined, and back up again. you let out a nervous laugh, hands reaching out to cover his eyes and he chuckles.
swatting it away, you let yourself fall against him, wrapping your arms around his neck, and resting your head against his. “why so shy? let me see you.”
you resist when he tries to pry you away.
“you’re beautiful, you know that?” he says, not in a teasing tone he usually takes.
you slowly lift your head, leaning your forehead against his. “you have to say that, you’re my boyfriend.”
he plays off the tingle in his chest when you mention boyfriend. “you’ve always been beautiful. even before you were mine.”
the last sentence surprised even yoongi himself, still feeling a little odd about saying something like that. claiming you as his. “yours.”
a tense silence lingers as you stare at each other, breaths heavy, skin sticking to each other. “yeah.” yoongi finally says, grabbing your waist and shifting you back onto the bed.
his hands roam up your thighs, over your tummy, breasts, up your arms, linking your fingers together as he rests his weight on top of you, hands above your head. “mine.” he whispers against your lips, hips thrusting into you at a steady pace. your breathing picks up, soft whimpers leaving you each time he bottoms out.
your hands get clammy, loosening your grip when an intense buildup takes all your focus away. yoongi showers you with kisses, his low voice whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
“you feel so good-” a strangled grunt follows and you know he’s close.
you look up at him, half-lidded eyes, and he could cum just by the sight of you. “yoongi…” you whine, the sound so heavenly he wants this feeling to last forever.
“yeah baby?”
his hips slam into yours and you let out a cry, breathless. “i can’t-”
“i know baby, i know.” his voice rings in your ears, and he frees your wrists from his grip, allowing you to wrap around him as he steadies himself on either side of you. your hands rake through his hair, pushing back the strands sticking to his face. “feels good huh?”
his lips hover dangerously over yours as his hips start to twitch. your legs hook over his back, letting him deeper inside you each time. “i’m gonna take such good care of you,” he whispers, lips touching yours teasingly.
you can only mewl in response, eyes never leaving his. yoongi locks in the moment he feels you tighten around him, parking his thighs under yours and going at a steady rhythm. he watches the way your body reacts, breasts bouncing with every thrust, mouth parting and fingers digging into his back. “yoongi.” you call out gently, but urgently.
“you gonna cum for me baby?” he coos, feeling the buildup in his own core. he can only last for much longer.
with a gasp, your back arches as the tension in your core snaps, sending intense waves of ecstasy flowing through you. thighs shaking around him, and feeling your warm walls convulse around his cock, yoongi manages one last deep thrust before bursting own release inside you, hips twitching as his moans mix in with yours.
with whatever strength he has left, yoongi continues to roll his hips against yours, milking out every bit of pleasure he can, lips pressed against yours. your legs continue to shake each time he thrusts, letting out a soft cry from the sensation.
then your body goes limp, only the sounds of your breathing accompany him as he regains his senses. he hadn’t felt that kind of high in months, and you’re the only one that could ever do that to him.
yoongi removes himself off and out of you, hissing at the obscene sticky fluid all over himself and you. “that was…”
“intense.” you say, laughing when you finally feel your fingers again.
he chuckles, lying on his side and you do the same, facing him. “you look pretty.”
your face heats up under his stare, but a mischievous grin doesn’t leave your face, and he raises a brow. “what?”
“nothing,” you shrug with one shoulder, “just that i could’ve sworn i heard you whisper something in my ear back then.”
“really?” he asks, smiling now too as his palm snakes over your side, allowing you to hook a leg over him. “what was it?”
“couldn’t really make it out.” you bite your bottom lip, still grinning like an idiot. “do you remember?”
“it’s all a blur,” he mumbles, “who’s to say you weren’t imagining it?”
but the tug of his own lips tell you otherwise. in the heat of the moment, just before yoongi’s lips crashed into yours as he reached his high, you swore you’d heard him mutter three words you didn’t think he could manage without thawing his icy heart first.
“dunno,” you scoot closer, feeling his thigh sliding in between yours, “sounded pretty real to me.”
you lean in for a kiss, and he hums. “maybe round two will clear things up? if it happens again, then maybe it was real after all.”
“maybe it’s always been real.” you say softly and he processes it, watching you quietly as he tries to figure it out himself.
“maybe.”
-
bonus mini-epilogue:
six months into the relationship and you’ve progressed well beyond your friends with benefits boundaries. it surprises yoongi each time you do something you’ve never allowed during your situationship. this time, it’s nudes.
don’t get him wrong, he’s thrilled to receive them each time. but you also take joy in sending them to him while he’s at work, and not within reach of you.
yoongi stares at the picture you sent an hour ago, receiving it mid-meeting and not having digested anything his team had discussed. he leans against the elevator wall, eyes hooked on your bare body as you sit on your knees on his bed, back slightly arched, arms above your head. a masterpiece.
he almost sprints down the hall and bursts through the doors, surprising you off the couch.
“yoongi.” you blink, watching him slip his shoes off and throw his keys on the kitchen counter. “you’re home early.”
his eyes look at the oversized shirt you have on, reaching your thighs.
“came back for lunch.” he says casually.
“i didn’t prepare lunch,” you frown, wondering if you’d forgotten a plan to have lunch together. but then he walks towards you with a look in his eyes you recognise. “oh.”
he smirks. “you’re such a little minx.”
“am i?” feigning innocence, you take a step back for each step he takes towards you, till his arm reaches out to tug you.
“new rule; no nudes before lunchtime.” he hugs your waist.
“hmm.” you press your lips together. “i think nudes are great any time of day.”
“not when i’m stuck at work an hour away and can’t put my hands on you.”
“that’s perfect,” you reason, “you have all day to think about what you’d do to me when you get home.”
yoongi heaves out a sigh mixed with a groan, wondering if he should match your energy or save it for tonight. he in fact, has already thought about what he’d do to you. but it would take him longer than he has, already having scheduled a meeting with a record company in three hours.
“i feel like i’ve been a bad influence on you.”
“only a little.” you chuckle, leaning your chin on his chest, tilting slightly to the side. “well since you’re here now.”
yoongi smiles. the kiss goes slow at first, then turns hungry while his hands roam over your body to find nothing underneath the shirt you have on. he hums in approval and is about to push you towards the couch, when a low rumbling sound breaks into the moment.
you stare at each other for a moment. then you break into laughter when he rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “it is lunchtime…”
“you’re so silly.” you sigh, still breaking into giggles. “maybe let’s do actual lunch, and save the fun for later.”
wiping the tears from your eyes, you let yourself fall into him again, giddy with laughter. yoongi watches you rest against his chest, looking up at him with fondness in your eyes. he can’t help the feeling that overflows from his insides.
⋆. 𐙚 ˚ ex-bf jungkook who doesn't understand that breaking up meant he didn't need to wait for you outside your gym wednesday nights anymore. but no way in hell is he gonna let you walk home alone.
ex-bf jungkook who orders dinner straight to your doorstep on nights you work overtime. ex-bf jungkook who doesn't see why he can't call you anytime he wants, just to talk about how your day went. we're still friends.
ex-bf jungkook who cancels his meetings the moment he gets word that you're ill. not even an hour later bursting through the door with the spare key he keeps forgetting to return. wrapping you in a blanket burrito style. placing a cool towel over your burning forehead.
ex-bf jungkook who kisses the top of your head when you finally start snoring lightly. crouched by the side of your bed, hand clutching yours. ex-bf jungkook who smiles to himself when your clammy fingers interlace with his, spending the rest of the night nursing you till your fever breaks in the morning.
ex-bf jungkook who sucks at being an ex, lying peacefully with his entire weight on you, wrapped in your arms, cheek pressed to your chest and an infuriating grin plastered on his face. ⋆. 𐙚 ˚
friends with benefits! yoongi & oc.
one of them has caught feelings. minors dni.
2k words.
part II
the tv plays softly in the background, drowning out the sounds escaping you, hoping it doesn’t travel past the thin walls of your apartment. you actually like your neighbours, and you wouldn’t want to wake them up at two in the morning to the sound of you having sex.
you let yoongi come over at this ungodly hour only after he promised he wouldn’t make you scream. but he barely has to do anything before you start eliciting sweet moans. music to his ears. but a promise is a promise. he presses his palm to your lips when you start to get louder, though he doesn’t stop bucking his hips into yours. “said you wanted to be quiet.” he hushes you.
the low hum of his voice makes your toes curl. a strangled breath comes out when he lets go.
“can’t help it,” you whisper, biting your lip to stop another whine.
soft smile tugging on his lips, his black eyes stare down at you. amused. and a little endeared. then his gaze drops to the white lace bra still hugging your chest. he takes a breath, hips slowing down, and traces a finger along the hem of the lace, leaving goosebumps in his trail. “is this for me?”
you huff, brows narrowing like you were offended by his insinuation. did he really think you ditched your looney toons pajamas for a matching set of laced bra and panties? because you did. but you don’t want him to know that.
“no? they’re my regular set.”
he chuckles, and you feel your heart rate climbing at the sight of his gummy smile. that stupid smile that caught your attention at the bar all those months ago. the stupid smile that got you into this mess.
yoongi had caught you staring back then as he brought a drink to his lips, mid-conversation. you play it off, turning back to your friends, hoping he’d forget about it in the next five minutes and you’d get to very casually steal a couple more glances.
fifteen minutes later, he slides into the empty stool next to yours and orders himself a glass of whiskey. you do a double take when you realise, watching him pay for the drink with a tap of his card. next to you, your friends continue to squabble over something half-drunk, not realising you’d completely shifted out of the conversation.
“you know it’s rude to stare,” he says, looking ahead. then at you.
“who’s staring?”
“you’re practically drooling.”
“i-”
he smacks his lips before you get the chance to rebut and sets the glass down, angling his body towards you slightly. he extends his hand out halfway. “i’m yoongi.”
“y/n.” you take his hand, impressed by the smoothness of his skin.
“can i buy you a drink?”
“thanks, but...”
he raises a brow, “boyfriend?”
you smile, gesturing towards your friends. “i’m the designated driver tonight.”
he nods slowly, swirling the glass between his fingers and watching the liquid move. “good. no boyfriend.” he mutters before bringing the glass to his lips with his eyes hooked on you. “unless…girlfriend?”
you shake your head gently.
his smile widens gradually, and once again you can’t stop staring. leaning against the counter, he grabs a couple of peanuts and flicks them into his mouth. “so, what is it about me that caught your eye?”
“dont flatter yourself.” you roll your eyes, playing it cool, but it feels as though he has x-ray vision. “i just happened to look in that direction.”
“mm.” his nonchalance drives you mad. his eyes drop down your body, before coming back up to you, and you swear something flashes in his eyes as he does.
“it’s rude to stare.” you tilt your head as you make your point and he chuckles, looking away for a second. “or is there something about me that’s caught your eye?”
he snaps his gaze back to you, and silence blankets the two of you as you simply stare at each other.
this man is exactly your type. he’s witty, composed, hair down to the nape of his neck, but neatly brushed as if each strand is in an assigned spot. he also looks like he’d make your eyes roll to the back of your head, which is not the most important thing here, but it’s there for you to think about.
breaking contact first, he downs the last of his drink and gets to his feet. “don’t wanna interrupt your girls night, so how about a drink with me some other time?”
your insides go tingly. you’d already made up your mind of course, but it’s always fun to let them wait. you pout your lips, resting your chin in your palm as you pretend to think.
he watches you carefully, eyes naturally running across your neck down to where your cleavage sinks in, then back up to your collarbones. his smirk falters ever so slightly in his concentration, tongue snaking out to wet his lips that have gone dry. he’s a man who knows what he wants. he wanted you.
and he always gets what he wants.
he had you bent over his couch the next time you met, screaming into the cushions till you came not once or twice, but thrice that night. from the moment you let him touch you, he knew you’d be worth his while. he couldn’t get enough of you.
but he was also adamant on one thing. that you remained only friends.
so now you’ve officially been friends for six months. friends who have a lot of sex together. and hang out occasionally after. he hated the term friends with benefits so you never called it that. your girlfriends tell you it’s a situationship. but truth be told you don’t care what it’s called.
because as he stares at you from above, shifting the strands of hair that sticks to your forehead, dick throbbing inside you, you fear you might not be able to keep that promise.
yoongi watches you carefully, the way your eyes look straight past him, not reacting to anything in a while. “you okay?”
you blink and he sees your soul return, mustering a gentle smile, nodding. “yeah.”
“if you’re too tired, we don’t have to-”
“you’re already inside me, yoongi.” you reason. “or if you can’t make me cum, just say that.”
he huffs out a soft laugh. despite his cold exterior, constant sarcasm and often indifference, he’s always been thoughtful with you. or at least, it felt like he cared in some way. no, you remind yourself, just friends.
his fingers slide around your back, unclasping the bra which lands on the floor with your other clothes. he utters a soft groan of approval, warm hands cupping your bare breasts, fingers playing with your hardened nipples. you suck in a breath and he hums, feeling your cunt tighten around his cock.
on his knees, yoongi presses down on your thighs as he watches you take all of him, you always do so well. he wants to tear you apart so badly, to hear you scream out his name while you come undone. but he promised not to. not that he cares, he does whatever he wants. but you’d get upset, and he hates when you get upset (at him especially).
sometimes though, he likes to test that boundary just to see that adorable scowl. while your eyes are closed, focused on the way his dick slips in and out of you, yoongi brings his palm lower down your thigh, till he’s within reach of your core, and rubs his thumb against your clit. he watches you scramble to press a palm to your mouth, lifting your head to shoot him a warning look. grinning, he utters a soft apology before wrapping your legs around him and propping himself on top of you, kissing that frown away.
hands run up his arms, wanting to wrap around his neck and bring him closer like you always do. but it feels too intimate now, which is a weird thing to say while he’s fucking you. instead, you brush his hair back, and even that feels a little too much, so you awkwardly pull your hands away.
yoongi notices, grabbing your hands himself and pinning them above your head. he drops his body against yours, hips gaining traction as he watches the way you slowly lose yourself to the feeling. he presses his forehead against yours. too initmate.
he shifts, to press his lips against yours, but just before your lips touch, you turn to the side and he lands on your cheek instead. you play it off like it was unintentional. but his grip around your wrist tightens, and before you can open your eyes to look at him, his free hand is already gripping your jaw, turning your face towards him.
his eyes pierces yours, daring you to look away again. and this time he crashes lips to yours, hungrily devouring you.
his thrusts get quicker as you feel the tension reaching its limit. his hand snakes down your body, till his thumb finds its place over your clit again. he swallows your moans, feeling your thighs clamp down on him, muscles tensing around him.
“fuck-” he hisses, feeling himself reaching his own high with the pure ecstasy on your face. “that good, princess?”
you fight a cry, hands fighting to break free but he doesn’t let up. this is exactly how he likes you, writhing in pleasure under him.
“hm? are you gonna cum?” his own voice strangled, fighting the urge to let go. you nod, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. “yeah? cum for me.”
a tiny moan manages to escape just as you reach your high, convulsing under his weight. yoongi curses at the sight of you, feeling your warm release around his cock, and the walls of your cunt convulsing around him, the movement enough to make him cum just seconds later, bursting his load inside of you, now mixed with your own.
it takes a while to regain your senses, the low buzz around your head eventually fades away to the feel of his weight on top of you and his soft breathing next to your face. you stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him. he stirs a moment later, leaning in for a kiss which you don’t move away from this time.
when it’s time to leave just a little after 4am, you sit on the arm of your couch, wrapped in a robe, watching him put on his fancy shows. he always dresses so proper. something you always tease him about, but not tonight. he glances up at you. “you gonna tell me what’s wrong or is this one of those things i have to figure out myself?” he asks, pushing himself up.
you shrug, walking over to him. “nothing’s wrong.”
he narrows his eyes. “if you’re worried about your neighbours i can always-”
“it’s not about them.” you huff, dancing on your toes, eyes stuck to his chest which is at eye level, wondering if you should say it. “it’s about-”
but how do you say it? that you think you might just have a fat crush on him? that you want to be more than friends? that you want this to be more than sex? that more than whatever this is, you want to hold his hand more, go on dates, spend hours talking on the phone about your day-
he lifts your chin up with a finger. “tell me.” his eyes sparkle while he waits, shifting between yours. you fight the urge to run your hand through his hair, pull him into a hug and tell him to stay the night. instead you smile, shaking your head gently. “it’s nothing.”
“sure?” he doesn’t seem to buy it, heaving out a sigh as he tries to read you. “fine.”
he steps out the door, but turns just before walking off and you stumble back. his hand catches you around your waist, and his smirk returns, pressing you against him. “not saying i don’t appreciate the thought or the aesthetics, but…i’d skip underwear entirely next time.”
“goodbye yoongi.” you hiss, feeling heat creep up your face.
shoving him lightly off of you, he resists, and instead leans in for a gentle and unnecessarily sweet kiss which you sigh into, melting against him. he smiles.
rough edges pt. 20 (final): the epilogue (m)
pairing: jungkook | reader
genre: college!au, fluff, slight angst
word count: 45k
warnings: mentions of death, drug use, unprotected sex.
summary: when you uncover your boyfriend's private life, a deep dive into it sucks you in as you try to help save him from himself.
a/n: the final chapter. thank you all so much for going through this journey with me. i'm so happy to have been able to share this story with you. i love you all <3
♪ please listen to warm - ariana grande
1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 6.5 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 |
masterlist
RE asks tag / pinterest board
Hi baby,
Something cool happened the other day. I was walking home from work and a puppy appeared out of nowhere and started following me. Short legs, big eyes, floppy ears, tiny bark; just like you. Hah, kidding. But it was cute. Wanted to keep him but you-know-who said no. Turns out he belongs to this nice old man who runs a restaurant nearby. Apparently the little booger ran out when a customer left the door open, and their grandchildren spent all afternoon looking for him. They were so nice. The owner gave me dinner on the house. And then he said I could come over anytime to play with him (with the puppies, not the old man). I haven’t been back yet but maybe I’ll swing by next week and try to snap a pic for you.
Anyways, it’s starting to get cold here. Even after years, I can’t get used to how cold it gets, worse than back home. I miss it there. I know I say this every time, but I mean it. I miss the bumpy roads, old diners, unpredictable weather, I miss my bike. I miss school. I miss having a life. And I miss you.
I wonder if things will be the same when I come back. Been thinking about that a lot lately. Sounds silly but I’m kind of worried. And I know you said nothing’s going to change. But it’s been almost five years. Surely, some things are gonna be different right? Or maybe I’m just overthinking things.
I hope you’re eating well, and I hope work is good. Hope everyone else is doing well too, please tell them I said hi. Remember to stay warm, you always catch a cold around this time of year.
There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. Please wait for me. I miss you and I love you.
Love, JK.
⎼
“You really didn’t have to,” you cautiously hold a box of brand new headphones in your hands, eyeing it hesitantly, before pushing it back to Hoseok. “It’s okay. I don’t⎼”
“Just take the headphones y/n.” He laughs.
Your old pair had seen its last day two weeks ago, having held on for dear life for the last year. Refusing to buy a new one till it's unusable, despite how terribly tattered it already was, you insisted it was because you didn’t want to be wasteful. But in reality, you just couldn’t justify spending a ridiculous amount on headphones.
Of course, Hoseok had been there to watch the disappointment on your face when you finally accepted it was time to let your old pair go.
Smiling in resignation, knowing it would magically end up at your doorstep if you refused, you bashfully accept it. “Thanks. But at least let me buy you dinner.”
“Nope.”
“Oh…” You take a step back, running your eyes up and down his frame. “Can’t spare one night for dinner with your best friend? Mr. creative director?”
“Will you shut up?”
Hand over your mouth, you gasp. “How rude. Fame changed you.”
He tugs on your ear, only letting go after you apologise profusely, wincing in pain and rubbing the sore spot.
“Someone’s in a good mood.” His elbow nudges your side as you go down the street. “Got an update from Jungkook?”
Hoseok regrets it immediately. The drop in your expression gives it away, you could never hide your feelings when it came to Jungkook.
Some time back, you confessed to how the gap between the letters was getting longer. Something you thought was due to his handlers holding them back, perhaps because they contained sensitive information. But the fact that you did eventually get a response only months later, made you realise it might be something else.
“Actually um,” head downcast, staring at the box in your hands, eyes glazed over the words, “it’s been four months.”
That was the last time Jungkook had sent you a letter.
When he left four years ago, there was an agreement allowing Jungkook and you to write to each other. Everything would have to go through strict vetting by a handler of course, and no personal information to be included in them, anything that could possibly put Jungkook (and you) at risk.
So they consisted mostly of casual updates. Though you weren’t able to get into detail about a lot of things, like your job or your new apartment, being able to keep in contact with him was good enough.
The letters were constant initially. You never failed to respond, and neither did he. Taking about two weeks after vetting for the letters to reach both ways, it started off as at least a letter monthly for the first three years. But eventually, dialing it down to every couple of months.
It was fairly difficult with the restrictions, a couple of times yours had returned with a note to remove certain information. But still, it was enough to know he was still there, thinking of you.
It was only during the fourth year that things started to change. The first time Jungkook’s letter took months to get to you, you blamed it on the system; his handler must have blocked it for some reason.
The next time it happened, you thought it was weird he never mentioned anything about it in his letters. After the third letter, in a span of nine months, you realised maybe it was him. It would take months to get a reply to your letters, only for him to disappear again.
This time, it’s the longest you’ve gone without receiving a reply.
For safety reasons, you don’t have access to his handler. Your letters would go through one of Seokjin’s men. And ever since Namjoon got promoted to a different city, spearheading another assignment there, he’s no longer the primary authority you can contact, leaving you no options.
“Hasn’t the handler mentioned anything?” Hoseok walks with his arm around your shoulder.
Over the years, you’ve gotten closer, and his feelings for you have dwindled in that time as he finally came to accept that you would always belong to Jungkook. Now, he’s more like an older brother and one of your best friends.
“No, nothing.”
“Maybe he’s busy. Or maybe the post⎼”
With a shake of your head, he pauses. “You don’t have to make excuses for him, you know?”
“I’m just trying to make you feel better.”
“You don’t have to do that either. I’ll be fine.” A bold lie, having spent countless nights crying every time you think about him when you’re home alone. “Well, this is you.”
Nodding towards the building where Hoseok works, the weight lifts off your shoulder as he faces you. “Thanks for lunch. Heading home?”
You shake your head. “I’m gonna get some stuff before that.”
“Alright then.” With a hand on the door handle, he extends an arm to let you lean into a hug. “Don’t stress yourself out. We’ll talk again soon.”
“Sure.”
“Oh, and enjoy your headphones.”
Grinning, you wave a goodbye and thank him again for the gift as you carry on down the street. Your mind drifts off to the list of items you need, only half paying attention to the things going on around you.
The streets have changed a little, something you were hesitant to tell Jungkook after his last letter. Passing by a newsstand, the front cover of today’s paper catches your eye, half of its print consisting of a picture of the mayor getting out on bail, escorted out of a building by uniformed officers.
After the fiasco four years ago, the uncovering of Kim’s drug syndicate and Barome’s trafficking business was just the beginning of a major crackdown on corrupt officials, who were identified during
the investigation. A major uproar ensued over the breach of trust from these officials, triggering calls for their immediate resignation and arrest, the most recent being the mayor.
“Interesting stuff,” the man leaning against the counter comments.
Looking up, you smile, handing him the money. “Very interesting.”
Opening his palm for you to drop the amount, he tilts his head with a gleam in his eyes, “You know what I’ve realised? You only ever get the paper when something like that’s on the front page. Are you some sort of investigative journalist? Lawyer? Detective? Undercover agent?”
Laughing as you tuck the paper under your arm, you shake your head. “Me? An undercover agent?”
“It’s always the unlikeliest ones.” He shrugs. “Although you do look like someone who’d do it for the thrill.”
“Now that’s interesting.” You give him an amused smile as you start to walk away. “I guess I just like reading about it.”
He grins, “As long as you keep coming back, no complaints here.”
Raising your brows at his implication, you give a polite smile and nod as you take your leave. Following the case since the start of the trial three and a half years ago, it’s now become a part of your daily routine; reading up on the latest updates, listening to podcasts, and even going through the discussions on reddit.
This newsstand just so happens to be on your way most days, and you never thought anyone would pick up on your buying habit. You can only imagine what Namjoon would say if he knew about this.
⎼
Being back at your old apartment, which Hana now shares with Jimin, always makes you feel like a child at a sleepover. Two years ago, you made the adult decision to move out after saving up enough for a new place (with a little investment from your dad). A tiny new place. Besides, Jimin was hunting for a roommate at the same time, and you moving out was perfect timing.
“How was the proposal you did?” Hana’s question lingers.
Attention on the utensils while your mind drifts off elsewhere, you don’t even notice Hana approaching. A bowl of steaming, hot pasta appears in the middle of the table, and you’re still miles away. She nudges you gently, bringing you back. “Hm?”
“I asked you about the proposal?” Hana rests her head in the palm of your hands. “What’s up with you?”
“Oh,” you shake yourself out of it, “it went great, they said it was a good idea. Definitely feasible but needs more planning. So I volunteered to see it through.”
“And so why are you so distracted?”
“I’m not.” You say, grabbing for the tongs and her plate. “Just a little tired.”
“We’ve been friends for a decade. You think I can’t tell when something’s bothering you?” Hana takes the plate from you. “And you think I don’t know this is about Jungkook?”
Your brows knit together. “Did Hoseok tell you?”
“No,” she straightens up with a look of betrayal, “but he knows and I don’t?”
Utensils clanking against the plates, your shoulders slump when she starts to pout. “Alright, alright. It is about Jungkook. I haven’t been receiving his letters like before.”
“Oh,” Hana pauses, “how long has it been?”
“Four months.”
Turning her attention to the food, you ignore the uncertainty on her face, humming as you bring the first mouthful of her cooking into your mouth, a burst of flavour on your tastebuds.
Honestly, you would’ve told her sooner, but each time you tried, a flicker of hope flashes by, wondering if the next day would be the day a courier comes by with your registered mail. But soon the days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months.
“Four months…” She echoes, prodding at her food. “Did you guys fight?”
“Over mail?”
Shrugging, she tries to come up with possible reasons why Jungkook would stop writing.
“Everything was fine…” you take a sip of water, “the only thing I can think of is how anxious he was.”
“Anxious?”
Nodding, you twirl the pasta around your fork, pausing just before taking the bite. “He was worried about how different everything’s gonna be.”
Leaning back on her chair, Hana crosses her arms as she chews in deep thought. “He’s right though. A lot has happened in the last four years.”
“I know. I guess it doesn’t seem like a lot when you’re going through it.”
“Would it bother him that much though?” Hana comments, and you sit there silently, thinking about the Jungkook you knew.
“He does tend to let things get to his head.”
“Maybe he just…ran out of things to talk about. And I know that sounds bad but it could be all there is to that.”
That wasn’t entirely impossible, especially with how much you can’t talk about in the letters. Even so, you know it’s more than that.
“Maybe.”
⎼
Two days later, standing in front of the tall grey building in the business district, the grandness of the structure makes you feel small. Problems suddenly feel less important, you contemplate turning back around. But Seokjin has just appeared out the glass door, gesturing for you to enter as he holds it open.
This wasn’t something you wanted to do, really. But Hana convinced you to give it a shot. You’ve got nothing to lose, she’d said. If you want answers, you’ve got to at least try and get them. And after a couple of nights contemplating, you got on the phone and set up an appointment with Seokjin’s assistant.
He hasn’t changed much since, but judging by the large office he now sits in, with a nice view of the city, he’s definitely no longer the same detective.
“How’ve you been?” He plops down on his fancy chair, nodding at his assistant as she places a cup of coffee in front of you. You thank her with a smile, and her heels click against the floor as she leaves.
“I’m great.” You say, fighting the urge to skip the formalities and get to the point. “And you?”
Seokjin raises his brows in amusement, noticing the way you’re clutching your bag, and your legs shaking. “I suppose you didn’t come all the way here just to just ask me that.”
“Definitely not.”
He laughs at your honesty.
“But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t. So how are you?”
“Please save us both the trouble and tell me what’s bothering you?” He says frankly, shrugging when your shoulders slump. “Come on, spit it out.”
Gulping down the nervousness, the sun blaring into the office adds on to the heat you feel creeping up. Seokjin laces his fingers together on the desk, tilting his head, patiently awaiting your response. “It’s about Jungkook. Is there…is there any way I could get an update on him?”
Lips pressing together into a line, he looks at you like you should know better. You rush to defend yourself.
“It’s just that I haven’t gotten any in the last few months.” Your voice gets smaller towards the end, confidence wavering. “Is he⎼”
“I don’t know.” Seokjin cuts you off, sighing at the hurt on your face. “And even if I did know…I can’t tell you anything.”
“Right.” You nod, fully understanding his position. “I mean it’s not a big deal I just you know thought that maybe⎼ but it’s fine I wasn’t⎼ I mean I knew that⎼”
“Have you tried talking to Namjoon?” He suggests, carefully pushing the cup of coffee closer to you.
Sipping down your uneasiness, you shake your head. “Isn’t he away? I don’t want to bother him if it’s not something he can help me with either.”
“It’s worth a shot.” Seokjin leans in, eyes darting to the door for a moment. “I’m sorry I can’t do much. Eyes and ears everywhere.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Namjoon on the other hand, might be able to pull some strings.”
Phones ring in the distance and agents bustle around outside his office. Shoulders slumping, you remind yourself it’s not Seokjin or anyone else’s fault. This whole system was set up to protect their witnesses and informants, so communication is restricted for good reason.
Though you hadn’t expected much coming in, a tinge of disappointment creeps into your heart and with every step you take, a piece of it trails behind you. But Seokjin had always been the more precautious of the two detectives, and with his new position, even if he could help you, it wouldn’t be something he’s willing to risk his job over.
Now standing outside the building, Namjoon’s contact info stares back at you while you contemplate sending a text. The last time you met him was seven months ago, just before Jungkook’s last letter. He had come over to tell you about his assignment, which has kept him away since.
[1:50PM] you: hi, can we talk?
[1:50PM] you: i need your help
[2:10PM] namjoon: is it something you can tell me over the phone?
[2:11PM] you: no
[2:50PM] namjoon: is it urgent?
[2:55PM] you: depends
⎼
Not until a week later do you finally hear from him again. His tall frame stands in front of a large floor to ceiling framed artwork, looking up at the magnificent display with hands in his pockets. The vacant gallery, save for a handful of others spread around, was his choice of meetup.
“Is it speaking to you?”
His lips curl into a smile, turning to see the amusement on your face. “Do you really want me to answer that question?”
“Only as a bedtime story.”
Namjoon chuckles, arms wrapping around you in a warm and brief hug. He’s gotten cooler, and bigger, sporting a jean jacket that would absolutely drown you. Adjusting the glasses on his nose, he gives you a familiar look.
“Sorry.” You start, “Don’t mean to trouble you but⎼”
“Relax.” He chuckles, gesturing for you to walk with him. “I was gonna come back for a couple of days anyway. Plus I figured it was about time you bothered me, it was getting too quiet.”
Laughing as your fist lightly bounces off his arm, the two of you take a seat on a bench in the middle of the large room, facing an artwork of a woman laid bare, eyes looking away into the distance. “I spoke to Hoseok.”
“Oh,” you nod slowly, “so you know what this is about then?”
“When it comes to you, it’s always ever about one thing.” He jokes, laughing when an embarrassed scowl greets him.
“You know I don’t have anyone else to go to.” Sighing, you stretch your legs out in front of you, feet shifting side to side. “Even Seokjin said he couldn’t help.”
You hear the sound of his heavy sigh. “He’s not in a position to be doing favours now. Cons of moving up the ranks.”
“Didn’t you as well?”
“Not in the same way.” Namjoon grins, “I like being on the ground, hands-on stuff.”
“Right.” You shake your head; I guess some things never change, you think. A minute of silence fills the gap between you, a comfortable, quiet lull that strangely makes you calm. His presence has always left you feeling safe.
“Have you been keeping up with the news?”
“A little bit.” He hits you with a look of disbelief, “Alright fine, a lot.”
“Then you know trials have been back-to-back as of late. They’re working fast so the suspects can’t wiggle their way out because of some loophole.” He states, referring to the politicians and other big names that have been associated with Kim. “The sooner these guys get their sentences, the better.”
“Does this have anything to do with why Jungkook’s not written to me?”
“No.” Namjoon sighs, pressing his lips into a polite smile. “I called in a few favours and checked in on them. They’re safe.”
Hopeful eyes hold on to his gaze, expecting him to go on with good, or even better news, something to make sense of why he’s stopped writing. But you’re only met with an apologetic smile.
Sucking in a deep breath, you let the air out slowly, releasing the tension in your chest.
“I’m glad.” Voice as soft as a whisper, gaze on your hands in your lap, you nod when you see him turn to you in your peripheral vision. “That’s all that matters. That he’s safe.”
“I’m sure he⎼” Namjoon pauses, wondering if he should stop it there.
“He has his reasons?”
The faint smile on your face, one you’ve mustered up with every little bit of restraint you have keeping you from breaking down, breaks his heart. Fingers playing with the charms on your bag, your chest heaves with another deep sigh. “I’m sure he does.”
His warm hand wraps over yours, squeezing tight. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“Okay,” he nods.
Opting to spend the rest of the time focused on the art, half the day goes by as you listen to him ramble on and on about every bit he finds interesting. You only now find out how much love for the arts you have in common with Namjoon, pleasantly surprised by this gentle side of him.
“Are you sure detective work is your passion?” You remark while watching him analyse a sculpture of the human heart. “We can check if they’re hiring.”
“Very funny.” With a roll of his eyes, Namjoon turns back to the sculpture, and you break into a giggle when you see his phone whipped out, scanning a code by the artwork to get more information.
“You should join me at the studio in your free time.” You say, walking next to him.
He thinks it over, mouth in a downturned smile, arms crossed over his chest. “Maybe one day.”
Namjoon keeps his gaze on you, studying how your eyes glaze over every now and then, and recognising the mask of a smile on your face. “I don’t want to get your hopes up,” he starts, “but I do think things are going really well right now with the ongoing trials.”
“And of course, it’s subject to approval, but once any immediate and high level threats are gone, he’ll be scheduled to return. And since I was the one who arranged for his protection, I’ll get notified when everything’s confirmed.”
“If you’re trying not to get my hopes up, you’re doing a really bad job at it.”
Namjoon laughs, “I just can’t stand that look on your face.”
“What look?” You glance up at him, and his brows raise. “There’s no look.”
“Well maybe you just have that kicked puppy look by default,” Namjoon tilts his head, looking at you carefully, “but I know for sure this has been bothering you for some time. You wear your heart on your sleeve, y/n.”
Any hint of amusement gradually disappears from your face, but only for a moment, before you’re putting up a front again. You’re stubborn.
“I’m okay,” you insist, “it’s just a couple of letters.”
“If it were just that, you wouldn’t have called me here.”
“That’s true.” Sighing with your response, the two of you finally stop in an empty room with one lonely sculpture, trapped in a see-through box in the middle of the room, circled by stanchions. As it gets Namjoon’s undivided attention, your mind drifts elsewhere. And it isn’t till he’s circled it, coming right back to your other side, that you open up.
“It was bothering me.” He tilts his head towards you slowly.
“And that is why I called. I guess I was scared, but maybe I was focused on the wrong thing. It only hit me earlier when you said they’re safe. Because why was I worrying about not getting a letter when this is obviously so much more than that?”
Namjoon listens quietly.
“He’s worried, you know? He’s been gone so long that the thought of coming back scares him. I thought it was just nerves but clearly it’s overwhelming him. Maybe not writing is his way of dealing with it. And that’s okay. I just need to give him time…whatever happens in the future, I’ll be here for him.”
A smile creeps its way onto his face, dimples on display. “You’ve grown. Old you would’ve probably hacked into my database and tried to find out where he’s at.”
Eyes widening like you’ve just had a brilliant idea, Namjoon shoves you lightly till you break into laughter. “I’m kidding.”
“Sure.” He scoffs at the thought.
“But seriously,” you sigh, this time with a more believable smile, “I’m alright. I’ll wait. For now, knowing that he’s safe is good enough.”
Namjoon pulls you to his side in a hug, “I promise you’ll be the first to know if I hear anything. In the meantime, if you like, keep following the trials. Once it’s pretty much settled, I’ll try and press for his return.”
“Thank you.” Namjoon’s smile reaches his eyes. “But you don’t have to do that.”
And his excitement morphs into confusion. “What?”
“Press for his return I mean.” You feel a lump in your throat. “I feel like he’s not ready to…and I think it’s better to let him decide.”
“You think he might want to stay?”
The thought moistens your eyes, but you manage to pull yourself together, nodding.
Namjoon’s gentle gaze settles on your side profile, then back at the sculpture. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you. Oh, and one more thing.”
You dig for something in your bag, pulling out an envelope Namjoon’s gotten accustomed to. Handing it to him feels like a slight weight off your shoulders.
“Letters work both ways.” you shrug.
⎼
Hello love,
I hope you’re well. It’s been so long and I miss you so much. The days are getting longer again and flowers are coming alive. But at night, it still gets terribly cold. You’d protest against this, but some nights I stay out on the balcony to look up at the night sky. The moon still looks as beautiful as always. You see it too, don’t you?
You know what it reminds me of? Those times we spent our nights at the beach or the park, talking for hours while the moon watched over us. Now, it reminds me that no matter how far apart we are, we’re still under the same sky.
I hope you know that I’m here for you, no matter what. I’m sorry for not realising sooner how much all of this has taken a toll on you. After so long, things may seem a little scary. Daunting even. And it’s not your fault you feel that way, you’re only human.
I hope the last few months have been good to you, and that you’ve gotten lots of rest and had a bit of fun hopefully. Please take care of yourself. Don’t skip meals, don’t stay up late to game all night, and don’t annoy your roommate too much.
My love, when the time comes, I want you to do what you think is best for you. I know you, and I know you’ll feel inclined to do what you think you have to do, to not let others down. But please, this time, put yourself first. Whatever you decide, even if it keeps us apart for a longer time, I’ll understand.
Just know that when the time comes for us to meet again, I’ll welcome you with open arms. Many things may have changed around here, but not my love for you. Whatever it is, we can get through this together. I’ll be here, always.
I’m yours, always.
Xoxo,
Your Love.
⎼
7 months later
Each day greets you the same. At sunrise, your first and only alarm rings, and you hop into a warm shower, cook yourself a small breakfast before your commute to work.
The quiet, slow early morning is your favourite part of the day. You’ve learnt to enjoy the peace before the world slowly comes to life around you. Nothing beats the peaceful walk to work, seeing the sun’s rays peeking through buildings in the distance, and the birds chirping in their own worlds.
Even on the weekends, where you spend your time at the art studio, you crave that period in the morning where everything is still for a little while longer than usual.
Always the first one in, you get the coffee pot going.
Two years since you started at a non-profit learning centre; students consist mostly of kids out of school, either by choice, suspension, kicked out, or just due to circumstances that can’t be helped.
Although some days are difficult, you enjoy working with these children. Moments where you see them thrive - whether it’s the little things like getting their grades up or scoring well enough to get them into a vocational school - makes it worthwhile. At the core of it, it’s about making sure they get the same opportunities to prosper as much as the other children out there.
Afterall, these children already have it in them, they just needed the extra push and the community, for people to believe in them.
Every child you help here, means one less person slipping to a life of crime. Saving them from going into situations they can’t get out of, just to be able to survive…something you hold dear to your heart.
By eight, your colleagues start rolling in, calling out a greeting as they walk past your class. Nari, your closest friend there, stands by the doorframe, observing the way you stay as still as a statue, eyes glued to the laptop screen. After a minute, she clears her throat.
“Oh,” you break into a smile, “morning Nari.”
“Morning.” She walks over, peeking at your screen. “What was so interesting?”
Quickly clicking away from the news page you find yourself on every day, you shut the screen down and smile innocently. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
“Behind on work?” She follows as you pick up the stack of worksheets by your side and go around her to set them down on each table.
“No,” you say, “all good.”
“Hm.” She folds her arms in thought and the unsettling twist in her voice tells you she’s about to turn this into something else. “I wonder…”
“Whatever it is,” you spin to point a harsh finger at her, “no.”
“I haven’t even said anything.”
“And yet you’ve said too much.”
Ignoring your retort, her eyes glint with mischief, as it always does when she finds something to tease you about. And oh is she so good at doing that.
“If work isn't what’s getting you tired…” A strange insinuating tone laces around her words, and you look up to a playful smirk on her face. “Is something, or someone, wearing you out?”
“Nari.”
“I knew it!” Smirking and mischievously shrugging off your firm tone, she gives you a pointed look. “Don’t be shy, give me details.”
“It’s not that.” She hops off your desk when you smack her with the stack of papers in your hand.
Hovering over the table with a pleading look in her eyes, she begs for details. “Come on, I always tell you about my hookups!”
Her display of aggressive cuteness makes you laugh, but you stand your ground. “I don’t do hookups.”
“And what a waste. Do you know how many guys would roll over backwards if you asked them to?” She snickers at the instant disgust you show. Nari has always been a social butterfly, and though you never show any interest in her night outs, she never fails to tell you about them anyway. You don’t mind it most of the time.
“Unlike you, I don’t have an acquired taste for the weird ones.”
“You don’t have a taste for any one.” She tilts her head, wide eyes filled with bemusement. “Remember when we went for drinks and two different hot guys asked for your number and you flat out rejected them?”
“Well they weren’t my type.” She groans when you shrug her off.
“What is your type then?”
Settling back down into your seat, you heave out a huge sigh, “No one.”
“Liar. Is it that guy that picked you up last week?” She brings her palms to her mouth, as if she just uncovered something scandalous.
Creasing your brows, you then release a chortled snort when you realise. “Hoseok? Ew. He’s my best friend.”
“With benefits?”
“You’re gross.” You swat her away like a fly invading your space. “Leave me alone. I’m not interested in love.”
“Love?”
Your eyes shut in exasperation, “No one said anything about love.”
“Exactly.” You recover quickly before she can continue. “I’m perfectly happy on my own⎼”
“Oh y/n, sweet y/n,” she sings, “don’t run away from your feelings. Tell me, what has lover boy done to make you so upset?”
Nari’s smile morphs into a sulky pout when you only offer her a blank stare in response. Rolling her eyes dramatically, she finally leaves your personal space, sighing loudly as she turns on her heel, her way of announcing her leave, but not before pausing at the door. “Is it a lover girl?”
With a raise of your brow, she frowns, leaving without her answer. But no doubt, she’ll be back no sooner than an hour later. As the clicking of her heels disappear, you open your laptop once again, enlarging the picture of Barome in court.
Officially sentenced to life over his crimes, court pictures show his face, void of emotion, as the judge drops the sentence. Despite getting the best defence team, the charges held against him were too great to dismiss. Everyone pretty much anticipated this outcome, and any other sentence would have caused a major public outcry.
Namjoon was right after all, the trials did go well. All that’s left are the city officials found to be involved. With Barome’s sentencing, their future doesn’t seem so bright. But anything can happen when money’s involved, or so Jimin says.
A knock on your door brings you back. “Morning briefing?”
“Oh yeah, coming.”
Gathering your stationery and closing the window to the page you were on, you switch back to autopilot. Diving into work has been what keeps your mind busy from thinking about the case, or Jungkook. It took some getting used to but after a while, you switch back and forth easily, freeing yourself from your own thoughts.
⎼
A month later
A bell chimes somewhere in the store and two pairs of eyes land on you, both darting towards the paint ridden attire on you. Looking down at the old jeans and oversized tee you’re clad in, you give him a sheepish smile, shrugging. Weekends are when you have your shifts at the art studio.
A smirk falls on his face as Jimin tells a client to give him a minute. He trots over to you, shaking his head. “You just love being the center of attention, don’t you?”
“Oh yeah.” You nod, “I’m in my Sunday best. Of course all eyes would be on me.”
Both of you share a giggle before Jimin glances over his shoulder cautiously. “Five minutes?”
“No problem,” you wave a dismissive hand, already pushing the heavy glass door with the other, “I’ll wait outside.”
Jimin grins, then turns to his client, switching back to his professional self. From outside, you observe his mannerisms, his attention to detail and how the customer beams from ear to ear at every recommendation.
Taking a few steps back, you take in the entirety of the shop; its royal green painted exterior, top plastered with the shop name in elegant, gold lettering. It’s one of the finer boutiques in town, and Jimin had been more than ecstatic to land a job here.
After two years of slogging it out, his days as an associate came to an end as the promotion to designer landed in his hands. To be fair, his designs are amazing. You stare at the white gown sitting on display, the train spread nicely next to it. It was his first time designing a wedding gown, and it was months of painstakingly designing and manually crafting the piece which now sits for well over two thousand.
Sighing, you trot ahead with a smile, walking past a jewellery store, shoe store, and pausing in front of the antique shop you frequent. The owner, Madam Lee, an old, greying woman, smiles from behind the glass. You send a wave. “Back for more?” Her voice echoes from inside.
Last week, you had helped yourself to a pair of fine bone china teacups, without much convincing on her part. You laugh, eyeing the lovely vintage watches she has on display. “Only browsing today.”
“These are new ones my son brought in from Europe.” She points to the exact watch that had caught your eye. A vintage cartier, something you would see Lady Diana wearing on her wrist. Without hesitation, she wraps it carefully around yours, humming in approval as it fits nicely. “It’s practically yours already.”
“Oh it’s so lovely!” Biting your bottom lip, restraining yourself from fishing out your card, you shake your head. “But this’ll put me behind on rent, I can’t.”
Mdm Lee chuckles, undoing the buckle, leaving your wrist feeling bare at the loss. “This one’s quite popular, just sold an identical one this morning.”
“I bet.” Your eyes follow the accessory as it gets wiped down and strapped back into place. “Well, not meant to be I guess.”
“I have a couple of other designs,” her eyes crinkle into a heartfelt smile. “Take your time. Come back when you’re ready.”
“Will probably take a while though.”
“What’s meant to be will be,” she says firmly, and you’re afraid to even refute, “and I can tell, this is meant to be yours.”
You shrug, “We’ll see.”
“I’ve been doing this for thirty years, and I can always tell.” She winks, but immediately after, gently pats the top of your head. “So don’t take too long.”
Scrunching your face and rubbing the spot on your head, she gives you a look. “Fine.” You say, jutting your lower lip. She reminds you of your grandmother.
Around you, a light crowd gathers to admire the items out on display. While she speaks with a passer-by, you explore the other items, keeping an eye out for Jimin.
As you continue to browse the other items, something in your peripheral catches your attention. When you look, no one’s there. Strangely, you sense a pair of eyes on you. A chill runs down your spine.
Moments later, someone’s warmth creeps up, arm touching yours. His signature cologne overtaking your senses. “Buying more old stuff?”
“Vintage!”
“Eh.” Jimin shrugs, despite getting distracted by a necklace he sees. While he checks it out, you scan the area, and see nothing out of the ordinary. Your mind must be playing tricks on you.
“Ready?” Jimin asks, brows creasing at the detached look on your face.
Softening your expression into a smile, you hook an arm around his and wave goodbye to Mdm Lee. “Let’s go.”
⎼
Trudging along behind your empty-handed friend, the heavy basket weighs your arm down like a ton of bricks. When you suggested a trip to the supermarket before heading back, you didn’t realise he’d completely hijack your basket. “All I wanted was some cream cheese.”
“Hm?” Jimin spins round, brows raised innocently. Dropping his sight to the slant in your shoulders, he comments. “That looks heavy.”
“You think?” The basket plunges to the floor with a thud, much harsher than you anticipated. Jimin winces, racing to take over. “Do we need this much stuff?”
“Hey if I’m staying over, I’m gonna need sustenance.” He says firmly. “And lord knows your cabinets are empty.”
Staring in agape, your push sends him stumbling sideways, almost crashing into the shelves, saved by your grip on his sleeve keeping him steady. “I don’t like to be wasteful. I live alone, why would I need so much food?”
“What if there was an apocalypse and everyone went into lockdown? You’d be stuck at home with no food, no snacks,” he gasps dramatically, “no coffee!”
“I don’t like coffee.”
“That reminds me, coffee!” He sprints ahead, basket dangerously teetering side to side, threatening to spill over as he turns the corner down to a separate aisle.
You feel your energy seeping away into the floor, making your steps heavier. You weren’t about to chase this mean all over the market, so you stroll down the sections, looking for other things you might want to get.
It doesn’t take long before you’re absentmindedly strolling, arms folded over your chest, humming a little tune. Your mind drifts elsewhere, and you don’t notice the obstacle in your path. Not till it bounces off your leg, landing on his bottom.
Looking down, wide eyes stare up at you timidly, a litre of milk laying right next to him. “Oopsies.”
Noticing how his eyes have a little shine to them, he blinks them away, apprehensively waiting to see what you will do as you crouch down. “Sorry about that. I didn’t see you.”
“It’s okay.” He says softly.
“Can I give you a hand?”
The little boy grabs on to your palm, pushing himself up. Shyly, the corners of his lips turn upwards but he looks away after a couple of seconds.
“Is this yours?” Luckily the bottle of milk remained intact, and you lifted it up for him. “Are you sure you can carry this all by yourself? It’s pretty heavy.”
“Yeah, I’m strong.”
You laugh at the seriousness in his tone. He can’t be any less than five, but his little frame makes him look much younger. Doesn’t help that he has such an adorable voice. As he looks up at you, it makes your heart skip. Weirdly, a sudden nostalgic feeling rings the bells in your chest.
“Have we met before? I feel like we’ve met before.” Your sudden change in demeanour overwhelms him, and he shuffles half a step back, shaking his head. Softening your gaze, you take a deep breath and shake your head. “Sorry. I thought…nevermind.”
“I’m new here.” He says suddenly, looking unsure of himself.
“Oh,” you smile, happy knowing you haven’t scared him off entirely, “where were you from?”
“Mmm…” he presses his lips together and blinks to the ground, “my daddy says I’m not allowed to tell people where we live.”
You nod, “Daddy’s right. You shouldn’t tell strangers that.”
He smiles, and the squish of his cheeks as he does brings back the same feeling of nostalgia. “What’s your name?”
“Mmm…”
“No telling strangers?” Biting his bottom lip, the boy nods, trying to read your reaction. You only laugh in response, impressed at his restraint. Most kids wouldn’t bat an eye at giving out information to strangers. “Do you know where daddy is?”
“He’s over there.” The little boy turns his entire body to point.
“Shall I walk with you?”
“Mmm…”
You laugh. “Are you not allowed to walk with strangers too?”
“Yeah.”
“No problem.” You say. “Sorry again for bumping into you. It was nice meeting you!”
He grins, “Okay. Bye.”
Wasting no time in getting away, his little trot makes you giggle, and you stand there watching as he disappears round the corner. But before you get moving, someone calls out your name. A voice that’s unfamiliar but familiar at the same time. “Y/N?”
Turning, he walks towards you with the widest, silly grin. “Woohyuk.”
“Fancy running into you here.”
You tuck the stray hairs behind your ear, trying to smoothen the frizz on your head. Woohyuk was someone you met recently, thanks to Nari. She had been adamant about him, and was sure this one was your type. Eventually, she brought him along for one of your dinners, frantically apologising the next day when you wouldn’t talk to her.
“Yeah hey.” You scramble your brain, feeling self conscious over how you look. Not that you care that much, but the last time he saw you, you were dressed up with a full face of makeup. How did he even recognise you in this state? “What are you doing here?”
“Shopping.” He lifts the basket in his hold, still beaming.
“Right. Stupid question.”
“So how’ve you been?” He drops the basket and you realise you’re stuck now. “You never replied to my te⎼”
“Your texts.” Shutting your eyes in embarrassment, feeling the heat pool around your face. “Sorry. I’ve been busy. I meant to, I did, I just…yeah.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets, almost nervously bouncing on his toes. “No worries. I just thought we really hit it off that night so I…” he shifts about, “thought maybe you might want to go out with me⎼”
“Oh. Like on a⎼ a date?”
“Yeah.” He waits for your response.
“Oh I um…”
Coming up blank for an excuse, you stare at him without an answer. The hopeful look he wears makes you feel guilty, but you think he’d take a hint from those unanswered texts. Sure he’s handsome, and to be fair, he was nice to talk to, but not in a romantic kind of way, more like in a platonic, fun kind of way. Although it’s clear he’s hoping for much more.
It feels almost suffocating to be standing in front of someone awaiting your response. But just then, a comfortable weight sits perfectly over your shoulders, and Jimin’s face appears next to yours. “Is this guy bothering you?”
Woohyuk looks surprised, maintaining his pleasant demeanour, but surprised. “Oh sorry I didn’t realise⎼”
“This is Woohyuk.” You quickly say to Jimin, who picks up on your slight raise of eyebrows. “And Woohyuk, this is Jimin. My best friend."
He looks way too relieved at that revelation, eyes hooked on Jimin now. “Oh nice to meet you. I’m⎼”
“An acquaintance.” You butt in.
“Cool. Sorry to interrupt but we’re actually in a rush.” Jimin angles your bodies in the opposite direction, away from him. “Nice to meet you Woohyeon.”
You match Jimin’s speedy steps as he guides you along, turning back to wave to Woohyuk, who watches in confusion, a hesitant palm waving back.
“It’s Woohyuk, actually.”
“Girl who cares.” Jimin hushes you, as you both rush to checkout.
⎼
“So what did that guy want? He looked like you were gonna give him free candy.” Jimin arranges the groceries into the fridge while you unpack the rest from the bags, now realising most of the stuff are his. But he did end up paying, so you can’t complain.
“He…wanted a date.” You say as a matter-of-factly.
The stacking of cans behind you stops when he turns halfway, distracted. He gasps, “Your first date in almost six years.”
“I’m not going.”
“Why not? He seemed really into you.”
“You know why.”
The fridge door shuts and you hear a sigh before his presence next to you, grabbing for the empty bags and folding them neatly. “Yeah.”
“That is why Hana told you to stay over this weekend, isn’t it?”
His hands slow down and he avoids your eyes. “No. I wanted to stay over. I miss you.”
“We see each other every week.”
Jimin has always been bad at lying, at least to you. Honesty is his strength and weakness. But he always says he’s way too comfortable with you to lie, because he knows he can always be himself. “We’re just worried about you. What will all the coverage on the case…and you’ve been acting kind of…”
“What?”
“I don’t know…spacey?” There’s uncertainty in his voice, brows raised as he studies your reaction. “Not here, not there. You’re always staring into the distance, you don’t talk to us about how you feel anymore.”
“It’s been five years,” you say, “I think I’ve said all there is to say about the case.”
“Not about the case.” He sets the plate down. “About Jungkook.”
Even the mention of his name sends your heart into a spiral. Your hands suddenly get busy, clearing the kitchen island and wiping off any water stains, returning clean dishes to the rack.
“See?” Jimin tugs you close, hand on your arm. “You act all weird about it.”
“I guess I can’t help it.” Your voice trails off at the end, wishing you could make yourself smaller.
“The rest of us are waiting for him too, you know?”
It’s something that you easily forget. Often you think about Jungkook in relation to yourself, perhaps because that’s how it’s been in the past. Back then when it felt like he only had you. But things changed that night he revealed his role in the operation to your group of friends.
That was the beginning of his new relationship with them, which unfortunately had to be put on hold before it even had the chance to start. “You don’t have to keep things to yourself.”
“It’s a little embarrassing…” You admit, hiding behind a laugh. “I don’t like to think about it. I just get so caught up in my feelings and then I can’t focus on anything…”
Jimin gives you a look. “That’s perfectly normal.”
“I don’t know…I feel like I’m waiting for someone who may never come back.”
Jimin frowns. “Never come back? Did he say that?”
It reminds you that you never disclosed what went down with Namjoon seven months ago. No one knows of your request to leave his return in his own hands when the time comes.
“Things are just…uncertain.”
There’s clearly more that you’re keeping to yourself, and he’s ready to pry, but he knows he shouldn’t press you too much.
“Look,” his cool hands wrap around your fingers, “we all know Jungkook has a hard time when it comes to dealing with emotions. Ironically, just like you. But just because he hasn’t been writing, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to come back.”
Biting your lip, you look down at your hands instead.
“It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.” Jimin’s voice is calm and assuring.
When your bottom lip starts to quiver, he pulls you into a hug. As if he could read your mind, he continues, “He’ll be back. Trust me.”
Though still unconvinced, you nod anyway and he smiles. “Just please don’t keep things from us.”
“I’ll try.” So you say.
“Now come on, let’s get this done and have dinner.”
You look through the items unloaded on the kitchen island, efficiently placing them where they go, until you’re down to the last two bags of chips on the table. Staring at them, then at the empty shopping bags Jimin folded and left by the side, you shut your eyes in defeat. “Damn it! Forgot my cream cheese!”
⎼
1 month later
Wandering aimlessly as you find yourself back at the supermarket a week later, this time making sure to grab the cream cheese first, with the basket swinging on your arm, a box of toothpaste and mouthwash alongside the cheese rolling about as it sways.
You read somewhere once that as an adult, just walking around grocery shopping brings so much joy. And you fully get it now. When work ended early, the first thing on your mind was to race to the supermarket.
You stroll towards where the snacks are, recalling how Jimin had obliterated your entire cabinet over the weekend. Of course, there were only two bags of chips, which he also complained about.
You know exactly where your favourites are and head right for it. As you do, you remember the last time you were here and it brings a smile to your face.
Somewhere nearby, you hear the sound of a child laughing and the faint voice of an adult follows, reminding them to be careful. A strange feeling creeps into your chest. You wonder…
Peeking down the next aisle, where the sweets and chocolates are, your heart skips when you realise the familiar little boy crouched down before the bottom rows, picking out a chocolate toy.
It’s nothing more than a coincidence, you know that. Normally, you wouldn’t even bat an eye; why would you? If he stays around the same area, of course you’d run into him often. But for some reason, you’re drawn to his presence. There’s something about him that calls out to you, something you can’t place just yet.
In the distance, someone calls out a name, and he turns his head in response. “Jihoon.”
Perking up immediately, the boy runs over. Your heart starts to race. The voice. His name. Jihoon? Could this be just another coincidence?
Darting in the same direction he went in, you keep your pace, not wanting to look creepy. Your steps get quicker when you scan the rows of aisles but don’t see him. Not until you reach the checkout counters, pausing as he runs happily towards a man standing at the counter. It can’t be…can it?
You get closer, stopping just at the edge of the nearest aisle. “Hey buddy, what’d you get?”
The boy tiptoes in reach of the counter till the man lifts him up in his arms, and he drops the singular chocolate egg on the belt. “Chocolate egg.”
“That’s it?”
“Mhm.” He nods, turning his body to rest against the man, who you assume is his father, letting his head fall on his shoulder. “Mama says I can get only one.”
“Mama said so huh?” He chuckles, and it’s oh so familiar, your chest is practically squeezing in on itself. “Well then we better listen. Otherwise I’ll get in trouble.”
The little boy giggles. “Can we go home now? I wanna see mama.”
“Sure baby.” He soothes a calming hand over his back. “We’ll go straight home.”
It’s the following moments, as the man shifts his cap, allowing you to get a glimpse of his features just enough to confirm your suspicions. A soft gasp escapes you.
Just as you remember him; smooth skin, button nose, piercing eyes. His hair now black, no longer blond, and sporting a length which runs till the back of his neck. And that means the baby…
The cashier finishes ringing them up, and he swiftly taps his phone to the reader, moving to grab the paper bag full of stuff while his other arm holds on to Jihoon. The doors slide open and you find the courage to step forward, still a little out of earshot, and he takes a step out the door before you’re able to find your voice.
“Excuse me⎼”
It was so soft you didn’t think he actually heard you. But he stops in his tracks, and turns just a quarter of the way, enough to spot you over his sleepy son on his shoulder. For the first time in five years, your eyes meet. And your heart beats wildly in your chest, pounding in your ears.
With the adrenaline pumping through you, one would think you were running a marathon, not face-to-face with someone you thought you’d never see again. A mixture of happiness, worry, concern, excitement whirlpools around in your tummy.
His eyes widen just a little, so little you think you might have imagined it. It takes him no longer than a couple of seconds to collect himself, lowering his gaze and shifting his cap back over his eyes before marching through the doors and down the street.
Even as he’s gone, you stand there, a little dazed, earning stares from the employees. You pinch yourself for confirmation. This is real. It was them. It was him.
Suga.
⎼
The only other person who would understand the significance of Suga’s reappearance sits across from you at a newly opened rooftop cafe. Mia, looking even prettier than she used to, stares wide eyed at you as you recount what happened. Her long hair is straighter and shinier, and she dresses very differently from before. After having completed her degree, she now contemplates working on a master’s. Jungkook would be proud.
“This is good.” She says, biting her lip.
“Why?”
“It means the situation now is safe enough for a wanted man to come back.” She says it like it’s the most obvious thing. For some reason, that wasn’t the first thing on your mind. Mainly, you were relieved that he’s been alright all this time. “You know how careful he is.”
“Right,” you nod, sipping your drink. “I guess now that they’re wrapping up the trials…”
“Jungkook can come back.”
The genuine excitement warms your heart. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that Jungkook stopped writing, and being busy with school has kept her from asking too many questions. Explaining to her that you’re not even sure if he wants to come back now would be too devastating.
You hide behind your cup as you take a longer sip. “Mhm.”
“You must be so excited.” She says, watching you carefully. You put up a front, finding it easier to fake it than to be truthful. “I can imagine he is too. Probably got your whole lives planned out while he was gone.”
You laugh at the thought of it. “He would. Timelines and everything.”
Mia agrees, her melodious laughter floating through the cafe. Then she focuses on you, reaching her hands out to yours. “You know, I’m happy things turned out well for the two of you. Even if…you’ve had to endure being apart the last five years.”
Your heart aches at her words. You can only hope things actually do turn out well. Praying she doesn’t notice the slight change in your expression and the glossiness in your eyes, you swallow the lump in your throat and nod. “Me too.”
“I have so much to tell him.” Mia goes on. Smiling, you watch as she lists down all the things she wants him to know about.
She’s gotten a little more talkative, and slightly less attentive - you’re sure past Mia would’ve seen through your fake smiles and secrets. But you owe it to her finally being free now, never having to be careful or suspicious of anyone.
“And I um…have something to tell you too.” Her confidence sways a little, and she takes on a shy demeanour. You don’t think you’ve ever seen this side of her.
You tilt your head, brows creasing with a curious smile stretched on your face. It’s amusing to see her like this. “What is it? Why are you being so coy all of a sudden?”
“I’m…” she looks as if she’s cringing at herself, “seeing someone.”
“Oh.” It certainly wasn’t what you were expecting. “You’re dating someone? Sounds serious.”
“Kinda serious, we’ve been seeing each other for a while and I kinda…like him. A lot.” She clears her throat, like the next part is more important than the last. “You know him.”
Your brows shoot up. “I do?”
Mia nods, a hint of panic over her face. Her mouth parts as she’s about to continue, but then her eyes drift off somewhere behind you, and the most genuine smile spreads across her face. The source of her joy walks right up to your table, at the far back, sliding into the seat right next to her.
Eyes wide, staring at the person now sitting across from you, you blink incessantly, wondering if your eyes were playing tricks on you.
“Why are you…here?” Your eyes shoot back and forth between them. “Wait…you and her…you and him? What? Hoseok?”
“Oh sorry I thought⎼” he looks at her, confused.
“I was just about to tell her when you came over.” She says through gritted teeth, conscious of the fact that you’re still gaping at them. “We’ve been seeing each other.”
“Surprise.” Hoseok says, attempting to gauge your reaction on a scale of horrified to terrified.
“The two of you are dating?” You repeat unbelievably. “With each other? Together? A couple?”
Exchanging shy glances, the two of them nod. “Since when?”
“We started talking almost a year ago. Bumped into each other a couple of times around town.” Hoseok says, “It was purely casual at the start. Didn’t think anything of it. And then…”
Mia smiles. “We realised maybe this could turn into something more after all.”
“We’ve been lowkey officially together for some time now.” Hoseok admits, rubbing the back of his head. “Sorry I kept this from you, I didn’t want to say anything till I was sure this was gonna work out.”
Leaning back in your seat, you take a moment to process this revelation. This is even more shocking than when Jungkook admitted he was Namjoon’s informant. You hadn’t seen this coming, not from a mile away.
The overprotective side of you wants to look out for Mia, keep her safe from anyone that would hurt her. But then you see the way she looks at him, and your gaze softens. This is Hoseok you’re talking about, he’d never do anything to hurt her, not intentionally at least.
A thought comes to mind as you sit there quietly. It humours you, and you break into giggles, earning stares from your two friends. “Y/N? Is everything okay?”
You hear Hoseok whisper to Mia. “See, I told you we should wait.”
When your fit of laughter wears off, you wipe the tears from the corners of your eyes. Their concerned gazes still hooked on to you, brows raised, waiting for an explanation.
“Oh gosh.” You snort, covering your mouth. “Hoseok, you’re so dead, he’s going to kill you.”
⎼
2 months later
Time passes faster than you imagine. Without realising, eleven months have gone by since your final letter to Jungkook. Along with it, your thoughts, wishes, and love has hopefully made its way to him.
That night, you had spent all evening staring at the night sky from your bedroom window, crescent moon keeping you company. You left a silent wish to the universe, leaving fate in its hands.
Since then, you’ve tried to live your life as normally as possible. Delving into work, spending time on hobbies, anything that keeps your mind off something you have no control over. Of course, until Jimin brought it up previously, you never realised how apparent it was on the outside.
While you’ve tried to maintain a cool front, when you do allow those thoughts to consume you, or even entertain the silly little tugging of your heartstring every time you see a couple doing regular couple activities, much like how you used to with Jungkook, your chest gets a little tight.
Perhaps, locking those feelings away in a box in the far corner of your heart, isn’t such a good idea. Because at times, when you do let it slip out, it manifests into a mess of sleepless nights, uncontrollable tears and an intense desire to run away. But you convince yourself that you have it under control most of the time. Sometimes, it goes unnoticed.
Other times, you’re well aware. Just like now, constantly wiping your sweaty palms against your jeans for the last hour or so. Or how your legs have been restless ever since you sat down, something your grandmother would tut at you for. The longer you wait, the more unsettled you get.
Sitting by the window, table strategically chosen so you can see him coming, your entire body perks up at the sight of his tall frame and perfect posture strutting down the street. Namjoon catches you through the window and smiles when you wave like he’d miss you if you didn’t. He shakes his head.
“Sorry I’m late.” He leans down for a hug, then settles down on the seat across, unwrapping the scarf from around his neck. “Thought I could catch a break coming back but, paperwork is always insane.”
“How long are you back this time?”
“Hopefully for a while.” He catches the server’s attention and orders himself a latte. “There was a big break in the case, so the special task force is taking over for now.”
He takes you through the more interesting parts of the case in hushed tones, occasionally looking around, and pausing when his drink arrives mid-story. He takes a sip and hums in satisfaction at the taste of the warm latte. You watch him carefully, his big frame hunched over as he takes more sips.
“What?” He asks innocently.
You shake your head. “I like it when you’re back.”
“Really?” He raises a brow, wondering what your reason for that might be, considering your differences.
“Yeah,” you shrug, “I feel…safe?”
Smile reaching his eyes, he realises how fond he’s grown of you. Truthfully, either of you could’ve cut off contact with each other. He could’ve assigned someone to liaise with you, and you could’ve decided to cut him off entirely, but neither of you did. “That’s sweet. I charge for bodyguard services by the way.”
You roll your eyes. It’s so like him to ruin the moment. “Just say you love me.”
“Every time I’m with you, I get this intense urge to remove my sister out of my will.”
Your laughter echoes through the cafe, and your hand comes up to cover your mouth after letting out a snort. It’s the first time you’ve laughed like that in a long time. Namjoon, equally amused as he is embarrassed, leans back into his chair, hiding his eyes with his hand.
Though no one seems to mind, you mutter a soft apology. As you distract yourself with the warm drink, Namjoon sighs, and you watch his smile slowly fade away with a pensive look taking over. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t cause your tummy to start aching. Surely it’s to do with why he’s set up this meeting.
“So.” He taps his fingers nervously on the table. “I’m sure you’ve been keeping up with the news.”
“Mhm. And you were right.” You nod. “Everyone was sentenced. All guilty.”
Namjoon smiles triumphantly. “There’s no way it would’ve gone any other way. Even the government officials were. But when money’s involved, you don’t know how things can go. We were lucky the judge we were assigned didn’t have ties to any one of them.”
“Even if he did, I don’t think the public would’ve taken well to that.”
“Oh yeah,” Namjoon agrees, “for sure.”
“Took a long time but I'm happy we’re at this stage now.” Namjoon picks up on what you’re implying, subsequently avoiding your eyes. But he has to tell you, after all, he’s asked you to come all the way here already.
“So, since everything was going smoothly, I arranged a meeting with the chief regarding his return.” Namjoon begins, keeping a monotonous tone, one he uses to remain professional. “It was approved, and I got started on the paperwork. Tied up loose ends around his made-up identity, did checks to ensure no one that knows him now have gotten suspicious. We also did a sweep of the city for potential threats.”
You raise your brows as he pauses, urging him to go on.
“Things look good, no active threats and though there were people who slipped through the cracks, we don’t think they were high up the ranks enough to know about his, and your, involvement.”
“Okay that’s good. So we’re safe?”
“Yes thankfully. We started processing the move back after confirmation.”
A smile makes its way to your face, till you realise how he’s barely showing any expression on his. A serious look that takes you back.
“I personally went down to make sure things went smoothly. He looks good, healthy. In fact, maybe a little bigger.” He adds in the last part, conscious of how your face lights up.
“That’s good.” Your voice cracks as you try to swallow the lump in your throat. “Did you…or did he…say anything?”
“Nothing in particular, he seemed…normal.” Namjoon ponders for a moment before asking, “Has he tried contacting you recently?”
“What do you mean?” You blink. Does that mean he’s already back? The thought makes your head spin. “I never got a response after the last letter I gave you⎼”
Namjoon nods and takes a moment to gather his words. His fingers wrap around the warm cup in front of him, tapping against it. “Here’s the thing, we did move forward with the return. And it went well⎼”
“Wait so⎼ he’s⎼”
“He’s not here.”
Your heart drops. “I don’t understand.”
“As part of the procedure, we made a stop somewhere in Europe and settled there for at least a month before coming back. At that time, we got to talking. He was a little more reserved, and he kept most things to himself. So I can’t tell you what he’s thinking, but I know he definitely was still hesitant to come back so abruptly…Do you remember our last conversation? You wanted me to⎼”
“Give him a choice.” You complete his sentence. “I remember.”
“So I did.” Namjoon looks down. “Seemed like he already knew I’d be asking him that. But he took a couple of days to think about what he really wanted to do. And he made his choice.”
It feels like your heart’s just dropped into the pit of your stomach. It was obvious what Namjoon was trying to get at. Tears well up in your eyes, making it even more difficult for him to keep going.
He clears his throat. “As soon as we got back, he was officially released from our custody. But because I knew of his plans, I wanted him to have some protection. He said he’d be gone for a while, but wouldn’t tell me where. I thought I’d have a couple of days to sort something out for him, maybe even head out with him myself. But once his passport was returned to him, he was gone.”
You drop your head as the tears start to fall, quickly wiping them away with your sleeves. Namjoon reaches across the table to wrap his hand around yours, squeezing it tight. He watches the way you chuckle through your tears, mustering up a sad smile. “I knew it,” you shrug.
“It’s not because he doesn’t love you.” Namjoon says, “Believe me, when I was there, the only questions he asked were of you. If you were safe, if you were healthy, happy…he’ll come back for you y/n.”
The words mean nothing to you as you sit there, thinking about the last five years. Maybe he was right to be anxious about change, because maybe he has changed. But it was you who told him to do what’s best for him. You can’t fault him for that.
“I could…trace his passport.” Namjoon offers, looking despondent himself. “If I raise an alert on his safety, we could get information on where he⎼”
“No,” you shake your head, “let him go.”
“It wouldn’t be an issue, and he’d know nothing about it.”
As the idea floats about in your mind, you think about how you would feel if you were in his place. “I’ll think about it.”
Namjoon nods, titling his head. “Sorry I wasn’t much help…”
“You’ve done enough for us.” Dismissing his modesty, you give him a genuine smile. “Besides, it is his choice. If he’s not ready, then he’s not ready.”
“Okay.” He sucks in a breath, relieved that the hardest part is over. “Meanwhile, I’m back indefinitely. If you change your mind, or if you just want to talk, call me anytime.”
“Thank you Namjoon.”
⎼
Tonight, the moon hides away behind grey, heavy clouds, leaving you alone with your thoughts as you sit out on your tiny balcony, staring out at the view, if you can even call it that. The apartment you ended up renting was the best choice out of those you viewed, as far as the cheaper options go.
Lucky enough to be on the higher floors, only half of the view is obstructed by the neighbouring apartment building, giving you front row seats to their living space windows. But beyond that, high-rise, elite apartments glisten in the distance.
Right on cue, down below the neighbour’s dog walks past, having strayed ahead of its owner who strolls behind. It’s always at this same time each night that they make their way back from a walk. You’ve spent so many nights out here, you’ve learnt their routine.
Staring back up at the sky, the moon’s completely covered now and a low rumble spreads across the sky. “Fine,” you huff up at the sky, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
As you turn away, the neighbour’s dog starts barking harshly, catching your attention. It’s the first time you’ve heard him get that defensive. A little ruckus follows, and though you can see very little in the dark, the dog must have spooked whatever or whoever it was, causing a bunch of items dumped along the walkway between the buildings to topple over, clanking and clanging about.
Its owner’s voice follows shortly after, pulling him back. He goes quiet, but stands guard as he watches something in the distance. Weird, you think.
⎼
After one of your group lunches, Hoseok and you take a stroll towards his office.
“I don’t know if I approve.”
Huffing dramatically, his eyes widen as he slows his steps to match with yours. Hana and Jimin took off earlier, their workplace in the opposite direction. “I can’t tell if you’re joking.”
“I’m not.” You face him with a stern look. “She’s like a little sister to me too. I have to protect her.”
“But come on,” Hoseok stops in front of you and spreads his arms, gesturing to himself, “you know me.”
“Do I?” Shrugging as you leave him behind, his hurried footsteps rush to catch up with you moments later, appearing by your side again. Eyes full of desperation, Hoseok practically begs for your approval. “Tell me why you like her then.”
It doesn’t take him long to list it out. “She’s strong, independent, and hard-working. She’s smart. And amazing. And she’s also hot.”
“See? You only want one thing.” Though you were only kidding, it’s fun to watch him squirm. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so ruffled.
“How are you gonna ignore all the other stuff I said?”
Ignoring him with a playful smile, you skip ahead towards your favourite store. Mdm Lee spots you from where she rests on her stool by the entrance, grinning immediately as you approach her. “Is today the day?”
Grazing your finger over the watch, a loving smile on your face, Hoseok peers over your shoulder curiously. You dread having to break it to her, looking at the genuine excitement on her face. “I’m afraid not…” You say despondently.
Hoseok chimes in, “What? You want it?”
“Can’t afford it.” You say solemnly.
“But you look like you can.” Mdm Lee says, eyeing him down. Flustered at the attention, he chuckles awkwardly.
“Well,” Hoseok shrugs, turning to you, “I could⎼”
“No way! I’m not letting you.”
The older lady slaps the back of your palm and you yelp. “Let the gentleman splurge if he wants to!”
“Yeah, let the nice gentleman buy something nice for you.” Hoseok winks, earning a laugh from Mdm Lee. You shake your head.
“This is the last I have of this collection,” she says, “will be a while before my son comes back from Europe with a new set. Even then, it’s hard to find such pretty pieces, can’t guarantee I could get the same one.”
“Seriously, I could get it for you. As a gift.” Hoseok says softly, no longer teasing you. “For always seeing the good in me.”
You glare at him at the last sentence, then break into laughter. Mdm Lee watches on with a smug look on her face. Noticing this, you clear your throat and force yourself to put the watch back nicely in its slot. “Thanks but…it’s alright.”
“Tell you what,” she starts, “I’ll hold on to this last one for as long as possible. And if you don’t come back for it in a month, I’ll let it go to the next person.”
As you think it over, Hoseok’s elbow nudges your side, urging you with his eyes. When your eyes meet with Mdm Lee’s again, she smiles, taking it as a yes. “You don’t have to do that for me.” You say.
“Well fortunately it’s my store and I can do whatever I want.” She raises a brow. You can’t argue with that. “Now, I’ll be waiting.”
“Thanks Mdm Lee.” You go around your friend to give her a hug, her warm hand patting your back.
As you walk away, lost in thought about the watch, wondering if you would actually come back for it, Hoseok bumps his arm against you. He stifles a laugh when you glare at him.
You take the opportunity to remind him that you’re still undecided on your feelings about him seeing Mia, to which his face drops. This time it’s you who stifles a chuckle.
The whole walk back, even through several topic changes, the update on Jungkook hangs in the back of your mind. You had wanted to tell everyone during lunch, but chickened out. Imagining the looks of pity you would get, the comforting words…you were just so tired of that. Also, you knew your front would crack and start crying.
Then you decide that maybe it would be easier to tell them individually. Hoseok goes on about work, then Mia, and you wonder if you even want to tell him, potentially ruining his mood for the rest of the day.
His office building comes into sight and you internally sigh in relief. Maybe you could hold off telling him and the others just a little longer. Unless Namjoon beats you to it.
“Thanks for getting lunch again.” Hoseok had offered to get the bill, much to everyone’s protest. But of course, he had the last say.
Hoseok looks at you regretfully. “I wish you would’ve at least let me buy you that watch. I know you were thinking about it the whole time.”
“Ha, y-yeah.” You chuckle nervously, cursing yourself for being so obvious yet again.
“It’s no big deal, you know?”
“Hey, you already got me these, remember?” You thrash your arm inside your bag, fiddling about for your headphones and fit them around your neck. “These are enough.”
He smiles tenderly. “Okay, but do let me know if you need anything. I don’t want you to scrimp your life away. After all, you were left under my responsibility.”
“Stop being gross.” You stick your tongue out.
“What? I am a seriously responsible guy⎼”
“Relax,” you shake your head, “I was just kidding about the whole Mia thing. I know you’ll treat her right.”
He heaves out a sigh, making you laugh at the genuine relief he shows. Sometimes, you think he’s more naive than he thinks. “I knew you’d come around.”
“Sure bud, you definitely weren’t sweating bullets the whole time.”
Laughing, he extends his arms around you and envelopes you in a hug. Head resting on his chest, you let out a relieving exhale, one that has him questioning if he should ask, but he doesn’t. Not that he hasn’t realised you are dissociating at times before this.
“Sure you don’t want me to send you back?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go get some stuff before heading back to the office.”
“Okay,” he nods, walking towards the entrance, waving as you get on your way. “Take care!”
⎼
“About time, isn’t it?” The man who owns the stall leans on the counter, arms folded in front of him. He nods towards the paper.
You shrug and give him a polite smile while fishing out coins from your purse. “You know what they say…justice hurried is justice buried.”
Scoffing as you hand him the money, he takes his time with the change, sneaking glances at you. “So…happy with the outcome?”
“Hm?” You look up from the paper and grab your change. He nods to the news. “Oh, well I guess. It’s good that they all got what they deserved, no?”
He smiles, “So what will you do now that your favourite crime series is done?”
“I know, so sad. I’m sure I’ll find something to keep me occupied.” You shrug.
“Won’t stop coming by will you?” He asks cheekily, laughing while he leans over the counter, gaze lingering a little too long. At that moment you question what you were doing. It’s painfully obvious that he’s flirting with you, and yet you stand there, almost returning his line with a playful one of your own.
You tuck the paper under your arm, avoiding his eyes. “We’ll see. See you around.”
You hear his chuckle as you trod off, making a mental note to avoid coming back as much. Then again, now that the case is basically over, you probably don’t have a reason to get the paper.
On an empty bench by the street, you flip the paper open to its local news section. As displayed on the cover, it talks about the mayor and his involvement with Kim, having been one of his clients, and further encouraging the merger with Barome. A mugshot of Barome at the bottom of the page right next to one of Kim, an old picture, sends chills down your spine.
Barome’s sentence, aside from his involvement with Kim, had amounted to much more than you imagined. There’s no doubt he’d never see the light of day ever again.
Now, it’s official, they had sentenced the major suspects as guilty of their crimes, and though Kim is dead, his crimes were still splashed all over, giving anyone even slightly associated with him little odds to get away scott free.
Staring into his eyes, it takes you back to the night of the raid, where your lives had been on the line. For the most part, and after years of therapy, you’ve healed from the past. But occasionally, the familiar anxiety creeps its way back. As you continue to scan the page, it gets worse, feeling a growing uneasiness in your chest.
Your breathing starts to pick up, and all of a sudden your senses heighten, paranoia setting in. You feel like you’re being watched. Setting the paper down, you will your heart to calm itself, slowing down your breathing.
Your eyes dart around, down the street you’re about to walk through, up at the buildings in front of you, and across the street where there’s a dark alley. There’s no one save for a handful of others going about their day.
“Y/N⎼”
Gasping at the hand on your shoulder, you flinch, panicked and wide-eyed, to find Hoseok standing there, equally surprised by your reaction. “Oh my g⎼” you bury your face in your hands.
“Are you okay?” He asks, face full of concern.
“I um⎼” you suck in a breath, looking around, and he mirrors you, “yeah. I’m okay. What are you doing here?”
He stares for a little longer, before looking around himself, as if searching for something. “Just wanted to make sure you were alright. I…had a feeling…”
“Women’s intuition?” You laugh dryly, trying to dissipate the tension.
He chuckles only after a couple of seconds. Eyes dropping to the paper on your side, he nods, “News got you worked up again?”
“Oh.” You glance at it and then at the ground. “Yeah. Yeah I think I just need to stop following the case for a while.”
“Good idea.” He takes it in his hands. “Look, why don’t I send you back?”
“I have to go get stuff for work⎼” He gives you a look you know you’re not gonna be able to argue out of. “Fine. I’ll do that tomorrow then.”
“Good.”
He offers his hand to you, and you see his eyes dart around once again. “What?” Thinking maybe you’d made him paranoid instead, it makes you feel bad.
Hoseok shakes his head, gesturing back down where he came from. “My car’s that way.”
⎼
Hoseok scans the area along the drive back to work, carefully eyeing the streets. He knows what he saw, he’s sure of it.
After parting ways earlier, Hoseok took the lift up to his office on the fifth floor. High enough, but not too high to keep him from looking out the window to make sure you were well on your way. Smiling as he sees your back going down the street, with your new headphones still hanging around your neck, Hoseok thinks about the times you would get into an argument just because he wanted to drive you back.
Jungkook had asked him to watch over you, and he took it seriously.
It’s also why he always waits by the window till you’re eventually out of sight, before being able to get back to work. Just as you reach a short crosswalk, probably heading to the newsstand ahead, like he figured you would, Hoseok spots something in his peripheral vision.
A person, dressed in all black, stood by the building just across from his office building, with a hood pulled over his head, and seemed to pick up in your direction. It could very well be a coincidence. But at this time, there aren’t too many people going down the street, so he finds it a little suspicious. Even more so, that he clearly sees their attention on you, now headed your way.
Hoseok scrambles, pressing the lift button incessantly before sprinting down the stairs instead. Heart beating wildly in his chest, he thinks of the worst; it could be a snatch thief, and you were an easy target, walking around with expensive headphones.
In hindsight, he should’ve called you. But being in such a panic, he wasn’t able to think straight.
Bursting through the doors, he jogs in the direction you went in, spotting the suspicious person just ahead. He has to make a choice, to wait and see what happens, or to confront the man.
But just as he picks up speed, the figure turns, as if feeling Hoseok’s focus on him. It brings Hoseok to a pause as he then pulls his hoodie down lower, sinking his hands into his pockets.
Somewhere in the stretch between the two of them, a bus comes to a stop by the curb, opening its doors and allowing a slew of passengers to exit, conveniently shielding the stranger from view. Hoseok quickened his pace again, slipping through the bodies of people headed in different directions.
The moment he reaches the crossing ahead, his eyes are immediately attracted to you, now seated on a bench. A wave of relief washes over him, but it’s quickly replaced with worry as he realises the hand clutching your chest.
Hoseok does a quick scan of his surroundings, turning in all directions, staring down each street and walkway. The stranger is gone.
⎼
“Are you sure?” Hoseok paces the apartment, his fidgeting making the other two anxious. “It could just be a coincidence.”
“Hana, I know what I saw.” He insists.
“Well then she needs to know.” Jimin says, sharing a worried look with Hana.
Hoseok bites on his nails as he thinks about it, then shakes his head. “But that’ll freak her out! You should’ve seen her, she was petrified from just reading the paper.”
The three of them fall silent, each troubled by Hoseok’s story. Now that you’re no longer living together, Hana worries about how you’re alone right now as they speak. “If there really is someone stalking her, we can’t just ignore it.” She says, “Why don’t you call Namjoon?”
“Already did.” Hoseok nods, still chewing on his nails. He’s stopped pacing and found comfort on the couch. “I’m meeting him soon.”
“What are the chances it’s really someone out to get her for what she did?” Jimin looks at the other two, “What? Now that the trials are done, they’ve resurfaced?”
“It’s possible.” Hoseok shrugs, “I don’t think we should underestimate these people.”
“I’m gonna be honest,” Jimin presses his lips together and shakes his head, “I don’t think so. He would’ve been caught by now if so. And, why would they go after Y/N? I thought no one knew about her other than the ones who were at the club that night? And all of those guys are dead.”
“There is one person…” Both heads turn to Hana. “Jungkook’s friend was never caught, I think.”
Realising immediately who she’s referring to, Hoseok’s eyes go wide. “You’re right. It could be him.”
“But he’s been gone for years, might’ve even left the country. Weird to think he’d risk coming back just to take revenge.” Hana goes on, a pensive look on her face. “Also…I don’t think he would ever hurt her.”
⎼
Back against the cool grass, with a gentle breeze blowing, and the sounds of chatter filling up the night, Hana glances at you, sitting next to her while you scoop the last bits of froyo from the cup. Hoseok’s story comes to mind and it’s gotten her a little on edge ever since, constantly looking over her shoulder the whole time.
“What?” You ask when she stares a little too long.
Shaking her head, she pushes herself up, “Nothing.”
“You’ve been looking at me weird all night.” She doesn’t try to deny it, knowing how good you are at calling out her bluff. But she also can’t bring herself to be honest when she’s seen how hard you’ve tried to carry on with your life the last few years despite everything. How would you feel knowing it may not possibly be over after all?
Hana shrugs, hugging her knees to her chest. “I’m worried about you.”
To her surprise, you smile, huffing out a breath. She’d half-expected you to roll your eyes and brush it off like you always do. “I know what this is about.”
She straightens her back, wondering if you’d in fact noticed the strange man following you. “What?”
“It’s because of what happened earlier this week, isn’t it? I take it Hoseok told you?”
She continues to stare blankly at you, and you wonder why she hadn’t just come right out and asked if you were okay. “He saw me freaking out about the news.”
Her shoulders visibly relax, and her legs cross in front of her. “Yeah.” She sighs, chuckling softly. “He said you didn’t feel well after that.”
“I’m fine now.” Your genuine, yet sad smile tugs on her heartstrings. “I managed to calm down after a warm bath. You know when you look at a picture and your mind just takes you back? It was weird, I literally felt the anxiety that ran through me that night the moment I saw Kim’s picture.”
“You haven’t had an attack in years.” She notes, observing the tiny bit of sadness still clinging to your gaze. “Is there something else bothering you?”
Staring out at the view, eyes glazed over, lost in yet another memory. The smell of the earth envelopes you in its calming embrace. Like it was just yesterday, you remember the last date you had with Jungkook the night before he left, sitting on top of a hill just like this.
That was the last time you felt like yourself, as far as you can remember. No missing pieces. Just whole.
“He left.”
“Hm?” Hana’s brows furrow, tilting her head in confusion.
“Jungkook.” Swallowing the lump in your throat and lifting your gaze to meet hers halfway, a defeated smile spreads across your face. “He’s taking some time away.”
She shakes her head, opening her mouth to say something then stopping again before blurting out. “He is away. Has been for the last five years…”
For a moment she wonders if the stress had truly gotten to you, that you were starting to lose your memory.
You tuck your legs to your chest, wiggling your toes against the mat and letting your head rest against your knees. Watching you like a hawk, studying your every move, Hana raises her brows for you to continue. “Yes but-”
The wind picks up, angrily huffing past, blowing the corners of your picnic mat into the air. Around you, a burst of surprised yelps and excited chatter spreads as people scramble to keep their mats from flipping over. The two of you chuckle as you manage to keep yourselves from flying away, folding the mat in half and squeezing closer.
Hana now sits facing you, just inches away. She tilts her head again to meet your eyes.
You smile at first, but she doesn’t mirror it, rejecting your constant attempt of masking. “What happened?” She asks carefully.
“I had a feeling that he wasn’t ready to come back. Remember how worried he was in his letters?” You swallow the lump in your throat.
A loaded sigh gets lost in the night air as the wind picks up speed again. Hana watches the stray strands of your hair float off your head, then is distracted by the distant look in your eyes to bother about the chaos ensuing around you. Once the wind dies down to a gentle breeze, you find the strength to retell Namjoon’s story.
As if your words were foreign, so odd and ridiculous, she stares in disbelief. “But what about…why would he-”
“I wanted him to have a choice,” you explain, though you know she wouldn’t truly understand, “for once in his life be able to do what he wants to do.”
“He can do that here too.”
“No.” You suck in a breath, “It’s not the same. He knows we’re all waiting for him. That we’re all expecting him to come back with a huge smile on his face and somehow get back into the swing of things, to ignore the last five years and move on, live normally, whatever normal is. And I think that’s really what’s making him so anxious.”
You can practically see the wheels turning in her head as she quietly thinks what you’ve said. Slowly, her brows grow a little less tense. “So he was back. And gone again?”
You nod, and she can’t believe the calmness in your demeanour.
“But what about you?” Struggling to continue, trying to say something a couple of times before giving up, she exhales harshly. “Did he at least-”
Already shaking your head, a resigned smile forces its way to your lips. “It’s okay.”
“I know you,” she hardens her gaze, eyes piercing into your soul, “it’s not okay. You’re not okay. Why do you keep pretending that you are?”
Bubbling with anger once again, it laces around her words and the shake in her voice. Possibly at you, or Jungkook, or both. “Because it’s easier.” You tell the truth.
But the truth doesn’t make it any better.
“Yes, I love him. I miss him. I want to see him again.” You admit, looking off to the side. “But I don’t want to force him to come back if he’s not ready. I don’t know what’s going on in his head…but I think he just needs time to figure it out..”
“So, what? You’re just going to let him go?”
“I didn’t say that,” you sigh, “I’m giving him space. Let him work things out with himself. Let him be free for the first time in his life.”
Hana softens, though not entirely convinced. Her voice comes out much less annoyed than before. “What if he doesn’t come back?”
It isn’t the first time you’ve thought about it. Every night since meeting Namjoon in fact. There was always the possibility that he wouldn’t come back, and you can’t pretend that it doesn’t kill you inside. You shrug it off. “Then he doesn’t come back.”
Hana hates it. The look of defeat that she’d never seen you wear before any of this. She gently pulls you into her, letting your head rest on her lap as she tenderly plays with your hair. “What an idiot…”
“Me or him?” Your body shuffles against her as you chuckle, letting out a gasp when you feel a pinch on your arm.
“Both.” She huffs.
At that moment, you shift to flash a cheeky grin up at her, one she hasn’t seen in ages, but glad to see that part of you is still in there somewhere.
–
The smell of Namjoon’s new apartment gives Hoseok a headache. A glowing, black leather couch sits elegantly in the middle of the large living space, surrounded by sealed boxes waiting to be ripped open. The rest of the place remains bare, save for a couple of lived-in items like his kettle and a single coffee mug.
“You’ve been here two months, you say?” Hoseok asks, disgust apparent on his face.
“I’ve been busy,” Namjoon reasons, stressing the last word. Though he takes one look around and gets it. “There’s just no time to clean.”
“You know there are services for that now?” He drags a finger over one of the boxes and holds up his dust coated finger. “Gross.”
“Those cost money.” He grumbles, reaching into his fridge for a drink.
“Oh no, wherever shall you find some…” He deadpans, and Namjoon rolls his eyes.
“Are you here to judge or did you actually have something important to tell me?” Namjoon hands him the drink and takes a sip of his own while Hoseok opens his can. He makes for the couch with his friend trailing along.
Hoseok waits till they’re seated to speak. “I think someone’s stalking Y/N.”
Namjoon’s brows crease. “Like an admirer or?”
“Definitely not. He looked suspicious.” Namjoon tenses as Hoseok explains what he saw.
“That’s weird. We did a sweep of the whole city, it should be safe.” He leans back, eyes now distant as he rests a knuckle on his lips. “There isn’t anyone else who should know who she is.”
“Hana mentioned something about Jungkook’s friend?”
Namjoon snaps his fingers, pointing at Hoseok. “How could I forget? Suga.”
“You think it’s him?”
Namjoon tuts and presses his lips together. “It’s possible, he did get away. Been off every radar since that night. I never managed to get any info on their safe house either.”
Hoseok settles uneasily on the couch. “I haven’t told her about this. Should I?”
“Don’t know how she’ll react to it, especially after what happened with Jungkook.”
Hoseok frowns, sitting up again. “What happened with Jungkook?”
Namjoon shuts his eyes, cursing himself for bringing it up. “Of course she didn’t say anything…” He mutters to himself.
Hoseok’s demanding look, especially when it’s about something concerning you, makes Namjoon sigh aloud. While he would have normally stood his ground, a potential stalker lurking sounds like a bad time to keep secrets.
When he finally reveals what went down with Jungkook, Hoseok looked no more surprised than he did before. Maybe because it’s a very Jungkook thing to do, he reacts with nothing more than a serious look, nodding to the ground in thought. Softly, he says, “She must be devastated.”
“It was her idea.”
“But his choice.”
“Exactly, she wanted him to have that choice.” Namjoon speaks slowly, stressing every word. “Give her some credit, she knows him well enough to know he needed that option. I’m sure she understands why he’s done that.”
Hoseok pauses to shove a dumpling into his mouth, angrily chewing it away. “But it’s not fair.”
“What? Finally being able to have autonomy over his own person?”
“Okay fair enough,” he scowls at Namjoon’s smug look, “but now what?”
His friend shrugs, before quickly getting distracted by his thoughts, which once again drifts back to the suspicious man following you. No one was more ecstatic than Namjoon to know the case is finally put to rest now that the trials are over and Jungkook was officially off the protection scheme.
The only follow ups he’d carry out would be out of his own personal interest, as a friend. But the detective in him can’t let this go, not if it could turn out to be serious.
He turns back to Hoseok sharply, “Does your building have CCTV?”
That night, Namjoon sits in his chair, occasionally swirling around as he mindlessly scrolls through reels. When a notification pings, he props himself up, clicking on the pop-up speedily.
Here’s the security footage you requested. Managed to put in for some extra footage from other stores down the street.
He sends a quick thanks before clicking on the links, multiple windows popping up on his screen. Wide-eyed and on a coffee high, he skips to the approximate timing Hoseok gave him. He hums as he goes, times like this realising maybe he enjoys his job way too much. Because why is the thought of a stalker intriguing him this much?
“Hm.” Leaning back, arms folded, his eyes follow the suspicious figure, minutes later, seeing Hoseok himself appear in the footage from another angle.
Namjoon reaches over to press a button on his desk phone. When the other person answers, he calls out. “Hey, can you come in here for a sec?”
It doesn’t take long for his mentee to show up at the door, closing it behind him. He questions why Namjoon’s sitting in the dark, face lit up from the computer screen, but is only met with Namjoon’s beckoning gesture. He walks over.
“Watch.” Is all Namjoon says as he replays the clips.
At the end, he looks up at Jaemin, zooming in on the blurry figure, clad in all black. “What am I looking at?”
“You tell me.” Namjoon says.
⎼
The moon is clearer tonight, glowing bright amongst grey clouds while its reflection shimmers in the water. Your feet sink into the sand and waves wash them clear every couple of seconds, playfully dragging you along with its weight before releasing its grip as it flows back into open water.
The crashing of waves against the beach swallows the sounds of everything else. Even the noise in your head. Higher up the sand, your friends sit around a small fire they made, laughing over burnt marshmallows.
Jimin’s shrill voice cuts through the air as Hoseok smacks his arm and the precious marshmallow falls into the pit. As you turn back to the expanse of darkness in front, its largeness threatens to engulf you, which on most days would’ve kept you further up the beach, but this time your mind is occupied with something Jimin had said earlier.
“Why are you so afraid?” He asked.
“I’m not afraid,” you huff, narrowing your eyes at him, “I’m considering my options.”
Hana hums, pursing her lips in thought. “Let’s lay out your choices then. Take up the offer and do something exciting, or…stay here and do the same things you’ve been doing since forever.”
You shoot her a look, then glance at Hoseok for support. He catches your eye right away. “It’s a big decision guys.” He chimes in, throwing a random stick he finds into the fire.
“One that may never come again.” Jimin adds, latching on to Hoseok’s point and earning him a smack. “Ow.”
Shoulders slumping in exasperation, more at your own indecisiveness than at them, you click your tongue knowing Jimin’s right but not wanting to admit it.
Earlier on, the art studio you’ve been part-timing at for the last couple of years, had come to you with an offer. They’d been exploring the idea of franchising overseas, and finalised a studio in Japan. Of course, while the studio there finds its footing, they’d need someone to spearhead the operations there, and with how well you’ve been doing, they’d offer it to you.
“What’s the problem? You’d have to move to Japan?” Hana asks.
“Well, yeah.” You respond like it’s the most obvious thing. “It’s a foreign country. I’ll be on my own. Without you guys.”
“But you get to go to Japan.” Hoseok points out, and you glare at him, betrayed. He shrugs.
“Don’t you want to try new things though?” Hana’s elbow nudges against your side, voice brimming with excitement. “Plus Japan is on your travel list.”
“I don’t know…” You hug your knees, “what if I don’t like it? Also I have to leave my other job…what about my students? And what about you guys?”
“Oh, what will we do without you…” Jimin rolls his eyes. “Isn’t it only for a few months?”
“6 months.”
“Six months is nothing.” Hoseok agrees, and you’re thankful he speaks in a more calm tone.
“Listen, you’ve got to start grabbing opportunities that come your way. This isn’t the first time you’ve turned down a promotion, isn’t that right?” Jimin asks and your jaw drops towards a guilt-ridden Hana. You should’ve known she would blab.
“It isn’t?” Hoseok frowns, confused and a little betrayed that he wasn’t told. “When did that happen?”
You wave it off. “Some time back. They offered me the manager position at the centre when our old one left.”
He blinks away the disappointment you very easily catch in his expression. “And?...”
“I just don’t want to be manager.” Your voice fades away at the end, and you stare at the blazing orange in front of you.
The wind blows and the edge of Hana’s dress brushes against your thigh. “It’s nice to be comfortable where you are but maybe it’s time for a change?”
“When life gives you lemons…” Jimin shrugs, like the answer is so obvious. But it’s not. To you anyways. Because it’s not just lemons you’re talking about.
But the longer you spend carving out a reason not to take up the offer, the more you realise you’re coming up empty. Nothing you came up with were things that couldn’t be fixed. Missing your friends? They’re only a call away, the time difference isn’t even an issue. Leaving your students behind? You’d be back in six months probably. Can’t get used to a new environment? Again, it’s only temporary.
“You’ve been living the same life since we graduated. Why do you want to stay the same so bad?” Jimin looks at you curiously. “Is it because of Jungkook?”
An unsettling hush falls over the four of you, followed by a smack from Hoseok to Jimin’s head. He scowls, muttering something you ignore by focusing on the crackling of the fire and the sparks flying off into the air.
The topic quickly changes after Hana decides to ask Jimin about his own work. Sitting there, nodding and smiling every now and then, but your soul was long gone. Tied itself to a balloon, drifting away with the sea breeze. When you excuse yourself, they tell you to stay close by, no one volunteering to come with. Perhaps knowing you needed the breather.
Funny enough, you realise maybe Jungkook isn’t the only one shy of change. In your mind, you wanted a perfect scenario where he would return, and finally the colours would seem brighter, days happier and then your life would finally start.
Taking on a new role, a new adventure felt odd because you always wanted Jungkook to be a part of it too. The mundaneness of your every day, though it felt like something that wasn’t in your control, had actually been the thing you unintentionally tried to keep from changing. Much like Jungkook, you too were avoiding change.
Huffing out a chuckle, a presence makes himself known with a palm to your back. “What’s so funny?” Hoseok joins you, holding his shoes in the other hand.
You shake your head. But then pause, wondering if he already made that connection earlier. “Thinking about change.”
“It’s a pretty hot topic recently,” he nods as if sharing a fact, “everyone’s either avoiding it or embracing it.”
You laugh, shoving him almost a little too hard that he loses balance but manages to save himself with your grip.
“Always so violent.” He mutters, admiring the light in your eyes when you lift your gaze to the moon. It’s almost as if you were communicating telepathically, sharing a secret till your smile gradually spreads. “Figured things out?”
When you turn to him, you’re more relaxed than you were before. “I’m…not going to turn down the offer right away.”
“Good. Might be nice, you know?” He says it gently, “You might like it there more.”
“I have always wanted to visit Japan.”
The way your cheeks rise, a youthful glow exudes, reminding him of the first time he met you. Something else he hasn’t seen in you appears after a long time; hope. Though you don’t say it, he sees it.
“Maybe I was staying stagnant because of Jungkook. I just never realised it.” You continue. “So weird how we both wanted to avoid change. But now that he’s out there…somewhere…made the choice for himself. Maybe I should do it too.”
“Doing things for yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love him anymore. Of course saying this means I have to agree with Jungkook’s decision to put himself first, which, I still don’t to an extent but, if anything, he’d want you to be free yourself.
Somewhere along the way, you may have lost bits of you. This’ll be good for you, find yourself again.” Hoseok says.
“I know.” You suck in a breath, feeling much lighter. “I’ll think about it.”
“Looking forward to it.”
You lean closer, shoulders touching him and he drapes his arm over your shoulder, pressing you close to his side. When you pull away, he looks down at you peering over your shoulder, as if looking out for someone.
He questions you with raised brows and you shake your head. “Felt like someone was calling me.”
You quickly brush it off, though it leaves an uneasy pinch in his gut. As you turn to walk back, Hoseok stays a step behind, scanning the place, though it’s too dark to see anything else. About halfway, you swivel, dress twirling around you as you stare up at the moon again.
⎼
1 month later
The busy roads and bustling streets remain foreign even after months. An outdoor cafe sits fifteen minutes from the apartment, tables and chairs fitted nicely along the side of an old building now a dusty yellow, with vines clinging to its walls, keeping the cracks and scuffs company. It sits comfortably along a wide alley where tourists and locals pass through.
A cup of coffee sits on the table untouched, as Jungkook rests on his palm, watching people go by. He’s come to recognise the regulars and routines of some.
Two women come up to the cafe, glancing at the handwritten menu up front. As a server approaches them with interest, they reply in broken Italian, read from the translator on their phone.
This was a daily occurrence. He wonders if the workers here ever get annoyed at the constant miscommunication, or if they simply get used to it. He’d learned a couple of phrases from Taehyung, just enough to get by without struggling.
As the women get seated two tables down, Jungkook decides it's time to go. He empties the coffee and returns the cup inside, though they’ve gestured to him multiple times he didn’t have to do that. But Jungkook simply smiles and waves a hand before leaving.
Grazie. He would call out.
When he slips through the door, Taehyung looks back from the balcony, where he sits with his sketchbook on his lap. Jungkook goes straight for the couch, dropping his arm over his eyes.
“What’d you do today?” Taehyung asks without looking up, hands busy.
“Nothin’.” He mumbles quietly.
“I got a call from home earlier.” Taehyung peeks over his shoulder to see him in the same position, unmoving. “Guess who from?”
“I don’t know…your friends?”
“Our friends,” he corrects, noticing Jungkook turn his face away slightly. “But guess who?”
When he remains silent, Taehyung sighs dramatically, hopping to his feet. Jungkook flinches the moment the sketchbook smacks against his middle, forcing him to a sitting position. Beside him, Taehyung plops down.
“Guess who.”
“Oh my god,” Jungkook throws his hands up, unfazing Taehyung, “who?!”
He could tell this would be you related. But he didn’t realise seeing your face on Taehyung’s tiny screen would make him feel all sorts. It’s like he could hear his heart breaking but beating fast at the same time. The smile you wear, one so sweet and angelic. You’re not even in the middle of the picture, just at the back, but his eyes are only drawn to you.
Jungkook’s lingering stare makes Taehyung smile in satisfaction. Like an annoyed teen, Jungkook gets up with a huff, but gets tugged back down.
“You really do get disarmed when it comes to her.”
Even a death glare doesn’t scare Taehyung. Never did, as Jungkook recalls.
“Have you made up your mind about going back home?”
“I thought you said I could stay here for a bit.” Jungkook says bitterly.
Through Jaemin, he found out Taehyung had moved to Italy right after his family decided to relocate. He very well could have stayed back in Korea, but thought it would be nice to experience life here. Jungkook needed somewhere to go, anywhere to give him space to clear his mind. When he got hold of Taehyung’s contact, he planned a flight out.
“It’s been more than a bit…” Taehyung says, flicking Jungkook’s chin with his fingers. “But I don’t mind. I figured maybe you’ve just started to get a little homesick.”
“I’m not.” He frowns.
“Okay,” he shrugs, “you’re welcome to stay for as long as you like.”
At dinner, Jungkook serves a nice pot of army tofu kimchi stew. As a deal, Jungkook would make dinner while Taehyung does the cleaning. He was always the better cook anyway, and Taehyung was already missing food from back home.
Taehyung scoops a full bowl of rice to hand over to him and thanks him for the meal. Silently, Jungkook prods at the steaming rice, waiting for his friend to take a bite of the soup. Only when he hums in approval, does Jungkook take a serving of his own.
“Did you tell them? About me.” Jungkook knew he wouldn’t, he just needed a reason to bring it up again.
Taehyung’s brows crease together. “Why would I do that?”
He shrugs. “Just checking.”
“I’m not sick of you yet.” He slurps more of the stew. “Not as long as you keep making these delicious meals. You really learned to cook all by yourself?”
Jungkook nods, hiding a proud smile. “We had to keep to ourselves mostly. And we were really homesick, so I started following tutorials on youtube. Got the hang of it over the years.”
“Back then you could barely make soup. Only your steaks were decent.” Taehyung chuckles and Jungkook smiles fondly.
He watches Taehyung with a question burning in his chest. Not that it would affect any of his decisions, but he was curious, “Do you miss home?”
Taken by surprise, but in a good way, Taehyung lifts his head mid-chew with a gleam in his eyes. “Of course! My whole life was there.”
“Have you ever thought about going back?”
He hums, wondering what’s bubbling in that mind of his. In the last two months, he’d avoided any talk of home. “I visit sometimes on holiday. But I also enjoy my life here now, so I don’t think I want to move back yet. But would I go back? Yeah, definitely, one day.”
Across from him, Jungkook takes a bite only after he finishes his sentence, nodding as he takes it in. “Do you feel weird about going back?”
Taehyung leans back in his chair, arms folded as if he’s figured it out. “Is that how you feel?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“No but that's why you’re asking.”
Jungkook shoots him a look as if asking are you going to answer or not. Seeing this, Taehyung laughs, resisting the urge to reach over and smack him on his head. “Is that all it is? You’re nervous?”
“Is that so hard to believe?” Jungkook stuffs his face with rice, keeping his gaze on the bowl.
“Yeah a little bit.” Taehyung’s voice comes out as whimsical and borderline teasing, but it makes Jungkook smile a little at how much he’s enjoying such a trivial thing. He smacks his hands together. “Right. Talk to me.”
Jungkook simply shrugs at first. Even after all these years, he’s still the same guy from back then. How could Taehyung forget? It’s never easy with him, especially not when feelings are concerned. He leaves it at that, and Jungkook doesn’t complain.
After dinner, Taehyung drags him out for a walk. The humidity gets bearable after a while, but Jungkook sticks to his sleeveless tops, scoffing at Taehyung’s ability to prioritise fashion over comfort.
They sit at a bar which rests on a hill overlooking the city and Jungkook breathes in the night air, feeling a little less caged.
“Are you nervous about seeing everyone again?” Taehyung goes straight to the point, barely giving Jungkook time to savour the beer in front of him.
Jungkook wipes the remnant from his lips. “I don’t know if nervous is the right word.”
“Scared?”
“I guess I am a little worried.” Jungkook finally admits, feeling that drop in his stomach as he thinks about it. “But not about them. More like…about how different everything is.”
“In what ways?” Taehyung rests his elbow on the table and chin in his palm. His body faces Jungkook entirely.
“Like everyone’s just…different.”
“Five years is a long time, bud, I’d be worried if they’re still the same.” He responds with a chuckle and a hand to Jungkook’s shoulder. “You’re different too. Well not entirely. Still grumpy as you were. But your hair’s long, you’re much bigger, piercings, and not to mention the very subtle full sleeve.”
Jungkook smiles as he glances at his arm. Over the years, he’d gotten himself inked enough to fill a sleeve. “I guess so. But I’m not talking physically.”
Taehyung raises a brow curiously, gesturing for him to explain.
“I used to get updates about the little things through our letters back then. And even though the content was limited, I knew everyone was growing into themselves.” Jungkook runs his finger on the cold glass, drawing figures. “They all got good jobs, they’re happy, some making a name for themselves. And I’m happy for them. Meanwhile, I was just getting by.”
It finally makes sense to Taehyung. But he’s silent when he senses Jungkook has more to say.
“I feel like…everyone’s moved on. And I’m still only starting.”
“Well that’s not fair.” Taehyung nudges him. “It’s not like you did nothing over the years. You got your degree. Picked up a new skill. Did well enough at your job for them to offer you a raise just to keep you.”
“But it’s not the same- I’m not-” Jungkook sighs. “I’m not- good enough.”
Seconds of silence follows as Taehyung watches his friend chug his misery down with beer. Perhaps this was the first time Jungkook has been so painfully raw and honest. And to know that even after so long, he still thinks so lowly of himself, leaves a bitter taste in Taehyung’s mouth.
But convincing him of his worth isn’t what he needs right now. Jungkook knows what he can do. What he’s worried about is the rift between himself and the others formed after five years.
“When I go back, I’m nothing. No family, no place to stay, no job. Nothing.” Jungkook’s voice gets softer. “It’s embarrassing…”
“No one is going to see it that way. We know where you’ve been all this time, we understand.”
“It doesn’t change that fact.” Jungkook buries his face in his hands.
After a moment, Taehyung speaks. “Give yourself a break, Jungkook. Even if you have to start over, find your footing, it’s nothing you can’t do. And it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I think once you’re back there and once you find your rhythm, it’ll all start going up from there.”
“I was back for a while…” Jungkook states, twirling the remaining liquid in his glass.
“Was that when you got my contact?”
He nods. “I told Namjoon not to tell anyone. I also told him I was leaving the country for a while.”
“Does he know you’re with me?”
“No.” Jungkook focuses on a spot on the table, getting lost in his thoughts. “I hung around and tried to see how I felt. But it was weird. Things were different and everyone was different.”
He sighs.
“I saw Y/N…watched her from afar.”
“She misses you.” Taehyung relays, having heard from Jimin.
“I was almost starstruck, you know when you’ve waited so long for something and when it finally appears in front of you, and your brain just stops functioning? I was practically stalking her. She was just walking down the street, but she looked so beautiful. She’s got a good job. Two jobs. She lives on her own now.”
Taehyung raises his brows encouragingly as if hearing this for the first time.
The smile on his face then gradually drops. “I thought about going up to her several times but I couldn’t bring myself to.”
“Why? She’s been waiting to see you for so long.”
“I know.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “But I didn’t want to ruin it.”
Taehyung tilts his head. “Ruin what?”
“Her life.”
“I mean,” Taehyung shrugs, “that ship sailed years ago.”
He punches Jungkook’s arm jokingly when the man sends daggers through his stare. “I’m kidding obviously. But why would you ruin her life?”
“I don’t know,” Jungkook whines, “she has good people around her.”
He remembers seeing you that afternoon, walking with Hoseok as he fixes the headphones around your neck. You hug. Your gazes linger. He’s grateful that Hoseok kept his promise of looking out for you all this while.
Jungkook was even impressed he had spotted him trailing after you. Caught off guard, hoping that when their eyes met, Hoseok hadn’t clicked it was him. Luckily for him, a bus pulled up and the crowd gave him the perfect chance to escape, hiding down a nearby alleyway. He kept watching afterwards, how Hoseok caught up with you and ended up sending you home.
Some nights, he’d linger around your new apartment building. Of course, thanks to your letter, he knew you’d be staring out at the moon. Several times, he’d managed to find a nice spot in the alley between your building and the next, where it’s dark, hiding in the shadows, looking up at you as you look up at the moon. He even risked his life, almost getting attacked by a dog.
Then there was that night at the beach. Everyone was with you. You were talking and laughing, something he’d missed so much. Seeing you laugh from afar without getting to hear your voice felt so cruel. But it was his own doing. Then you walked away, getting almost too close to the water that he almost got up himself.
But of course, Hoseok was there to keep you safe. His heart squeezes in his chest as he watches Hoseok’s arm around you and you lean into him. When you walk back, you have a wide smile on your face. So happy and content. Things might change if he comes back into the picture. That night, he decided he can’t take that away from you.
“Obviously, I can’t change how you feel. I can only give you my perspective. And I do think you’re being unfair not only to yourself, but also to your friends. Especially your girlfriend.” He continues, “Whatever you feel about being not good enough, are your own feelings and no one else’s.”
That night, Jungkook lay in bed, going over what he thinks he should do next. What is important to him? Was Taehyung right when he said he was selfish? Perhaps he should give you the chance to say it if he was interrupting your peace.
The brightness of his phone blinds him momentarily in the dark. He pulls out an old photo of the two of you, one he’s always kept close to him; his lips pressed to your cheek and your bright smile shining through.
⎼
2 weeks later…
Holding the itinerary in your hands, tingles jolt through your fingers, part of you in disbelief that it’s actually happening. You attended a short briefing earlier with someone from HR who talked you through the trip. Though, you were only half listening, nodding every now and then while your mind drifted off to the different locations you’d already planned on visiting while you’re there.
The excitement brought you to the mall, picking up a couple of things you’d need. You contemplate each time you pass by a clothing store, knowing you don’t actually need new clothes. But it just felt like the right occasion.
New clothes for a new environment, new adventure.
It’s the first time in a long time that you’ve had to prepare for something totally out of your normal routine. Afterwards, it was back to the learning centre, where Nari eyes the bags you have in one hand.
“Show off.” She huffs, but doesn’t move from her spot right next to your desk.
“Nari, please.” You smile, seeing through her attitude, knowing she’s only upset about you leaving. Your fingers grab onto hers gently. “I’ll come back. I think.”
“If you come back, I’ll literally punch you in the face.”
You look at her with a brow raised.
“Why would you ever want to come back?” She genuinely asks, staring at you incredibly confused. “It’s a chance to start fresh and break out of this hellhole.”
“So dramatic,” you roll your eyes at her and she slams her fist down in front of you.
“I swear if I find you back here willingly, you will get punched.” She squints her perfectly lined eyes, “Are you gonna miss me?”
You explode in laughter, pulling her into your arms. Even with her head on your shoulder, you could feel the pout she’s putting on. Nari is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but you’ve grown to appreciate her bluntness. “I hope you find it.” She says, cheek pressed against you.
“Hm?”
“Whatever you’re looking for.” She continues when she pulls back.
Stunned at her sudden change of tone, all you can do is stare. She shrugs, suddenly feeling conscious. “What? It just always feels like you’re waiting for something or looking for something. I hope you find it. And I hope it makes you happy.”
You gently graze your palm against her cheek and she smiles.
⎼
When you get a notification of a delivery, you head down without much thought. Thinking it was something you had ordered online, you’re surprised to instead find a nice bouquet sitting by the collection area. No note, and the delivery person had gone.
Still, you could make a guess who it’s from. These orange marigolds were the same kind you were eyeing just last week while you tagged alone as he bought flowers for Mia. He must’ve noticed you staring at them. You make a mental note to thank him later.
Everything’s coming together nicely. Even if it is only a short three week trip, there were many things that ran through your mind. What if you hate it and want to come back? What if you got homesick on the first day? What if your dad needed you? What if your house caught fire? What if the stray cats you feed go hungry and think you’ve abandoned them and vowed revenge?
According to Hana, most of those are normal thoughts except the last one. You disagree.
You see her waving to you up front, surrounded by Jimin and Hoseok, who turns when she does. At the sight of you, they wave as well. They turn to each other for a moment before two of them enter the restaurant, and Hoseok remains outside.
While some things on this familiar street have changed, stores rebranded and others upgraded, it hasn’t changed that much for you to notice the new store along the path. Or maybe it was just one of those places you hadn’t noticed.
It was black on the outside, and freshly painted by the looks of it. Something simply draws you to it, and you pause, staring at the front. Hoseok tilts his head when you glance at him.
Crave Ink Studios.
Through the frosted glass, you can see a dim light inside. It doesn’t help when you press your face to the glass, hand over your eyes. As if on autopilot, you grab the door handle and hear the jingle of the bell from inside. It doesn’t budge, and only then do you notice the closed sign. You step back, staring at the shop again.
From where he is, Hoseok whistles, dividing your attention.
“What was that?” He asks when you reach him.
“That tattoo shop,” you mutter, “is it new?”
“I guess so.” He looks back at it, confused. An arm around your shoulders to guide you inside. “Why though? You want a tattoo?”
“Who’s getting a tattoo?” Jimin asks as you slip through the door.
“Not Hoseok, that's for sure.” You mutter and the other two laugh, Hana hooking her arm around yours.
Jimin grins at Hoseok while he takes the seat across from him. “You couldn’t even watch me get a piercing.”
“It was a needle poking through your flesh.” He deadpans, as if that should be enough to make his point. But the younger one simply rolls his eyes.
Hana rests her chin in her palm, “So, how are you feeling?”
She admittedly has been more excited than you have been when she heard you decided to take on the job. You nod, letting out a breath as you think about the many things going through your head. “Excited,” you breathe out, “kinda weird, haven’t had this feeling in a while.”
“Just imagine, in two weeks, at this time, you’ll be in Japan, living your best life.” Jimin points out.
But you were quick to shut him down, “I’ll be working, Jimin. There’s lots to do.”
“Lots to do indeed.” He winks knowingly.
You ignore him, turning to Hana who shows you go-to places for your trip. “It’s only three weeks, I don’t know if I’ll have time to explore.”
“Only three weeks?” Hoseok puts the menu down. “I thought it was longer than that.”
“Well…” you shrug, knowing they’re about to give you dirty stares. “They told me three weeks for starters. And if I find it alright there, I can extend my stay.”
“Right.” He nods. “I’m sure you’ll like it there. Three weeks will go by in a jiffy.”
“Make sure you’ve packed enough.” Hana reminds you, although she’d come over a week before to make sure you did.
“I might have overpacked, I brought some gifts for the new staff I’ll be meeting there…oh that reminds me!” You recall, “Were the flowers from one of you? Was it you Hobi?”
He pauses, thinking back to himself if he did actually send you something. “Flowers?”
“Yeah, they were delivered this morning.” You purse your lips in thought. “Weird. Thought it might’ve been you. They were the exact flowers I was looking at the other day, remember?”
“The orange ones?” He asks.
“Yeah. It was you, wasn’t it?” You ask, smile going up to your eyes. Before he can even answer, or think about answering, you were already grabbing his hand. “Thank you. They’re lovely.”
He smiles, muttering softly, “No problem.”
He glances across the table, where Hana’s brows furrow in question at his confused face. He shakes his head lightly, and shrugs.
⎼
Hot vapour rises from the mug in your hands, taking tiny sips, reveling in the feeling of the hot drink disappearing down your throat. You stare at the packed bag sitting by the door, ready for takeoff a week early.
After saying goodbye to your students at the centre last week, you’re now on unpaid leave of absence. Which means more time to yourself, and also more time to sit alone with your thoughts. Maybe you should’ve left the packing to the last minute.
On your small dining table, lay boxes of chocolates you’d gotten from work, with messages and cards from your beloved class wishing you luck.
Among the boxes of chocolates, you find a particularly elegant looking one. But it’s also one you recognise as one of your favourites. Jungkook used to get you these all the time back then. A weird feeling spreads through your chest as you tug on the ribbon, picking one out of the box for a bite.
No one else really knew about your obsession with these, so you haven’t had any since he left. The bitterness of the dark chocolate paired with the caramel inside melts in your mouth and you sigh. Along with it, memories from happier times.
With all the prep you’ve been doing, it was easy to pretend he isn’t always at the back of your mind. Though it may seem like it on the outside, you haven’t once stopped thinking about him. Where he’s gone or what he’s doing. Once a couple of weeks ago, you’d thought about texting Namjoon, taking up his offer to track Jungkook’s location. But you stop yourself. He deserves his freedom.
A gentle mewl reaches your ears, and you feel soft fur grazing against your feet. When you look down, she meows at you, waiting for you to pat the spot on your lap before jumping up.
“You always know, don’t you baby?” You say as you run your hand over her, and she meows back nudging against your palm.
You’d found her as a stray near your apartment when you first moved in. When none of the neighbours claimed her as theirs, you decided to keep her. She has smooth, cream coloured fur all over. Thus her name, Cream.
“Do you think he’s happy, Cream?” She gives a sad mrrp, looking away and you laugh. “I hope he is though.”
She continues to wait for more pets, bumping her head against your hand whenever you stop. A total princess she’s become, but that’s your fault for raising her like one. You rub the sides of her cute face and she raises her head with her eyes closed in bliss. “I miss him though. But I also get it…maybe right now, I’m not what he needs.”
She chirps.
“Yeah I know, he loves me. I love him.” You smile when she slowly blinks at you. “And I love you.”
At the stroke of ten, she hops off the table where she’d been loafing while you read a book. Looking back at you, she calls out, as if reminding you of the time. You follow behind, switching off the lights as you go.
In your room, your other cat Jiji, sleeps in a ball in the corner. You barely notice her, black fur blending in with your tossed sweater. Cream hops on the bed only after you’ve gotten on and waits patiently for you to get comfy before coming over.
It’s always harder to keep your thoughts in check when you’re alone in the dark, with nothing to distract you.
“Why does it feel like we broke up again?” You ask no one in particular. But Cream walks up to you, sniffing around your face like she can sense the incoming tears.
Rolling over to your back, you’re suddenly drawn to the picture of the two of you sitting on your bedside table, letting it rest on your chest.
“Idiot…” you laugh quietly, looking at his face. “Couldn’t just come back to me like you promised, could you?”
The next morning, you wake up with something poking against your middle. Sleepily running your palm against the mattress, you realise it’s the frame which kept you company. The air buzzes around you like a hangover, remnants of the dream you had still lingering somewhere in your consciousness.
As you open your eyes fully, allowing reality to reel you back in, the dream slowly fades from memory. The only thing you remember is the feeling of Jungkook’s hand in yours.
⎼
“Look.”
Hoseok shoves his phone in front of Namjoon, who backs away slightly before swiping it. It’s an open chat with him, you, Jimin and Hana.
[9:30AM] Y/N: someone paid for my coffee today
[9:30AM] Y/N: that never happens
[9:35AM] Hana: I pay for your coffee all the time…?
[9:35AM] Y/N: But you’re my bestie, you’re supposed to
[9:36AM] Y/N: I mean like a stranger paid for me
[9:36AM] Y/N: didn’t even see who it was
[9:38AM] Jimin: sounds like you’re having a great morning
[9:40AM] Hana: what do you mean I’m supposed to???
“You don’t have to read the whole thing.” Hoseok comments, watching Namjoon’s eyes flicker back to him over the phone.
He hands it back, “What was I supposed to look at?”
“She’s been getting lots of mystery gifts,” Hoseok insists, “it’s getting weird.”
“Am I supposed to arrest strangers for sending her gifts?” Namjoon digs into his plate, swirling maple syrup all over his waffles with a nonchalance that could make Hoseok scream right then.
“But it’s weird.” He says through gritted teeth. “The other day we stopped to look at flowers at a shop. The next week, someone sends her the exact flowers she was looking at. She thought it was me! Cause no one else could’ve possibly bought the exact flowers.”
“Did you say it was you?” Namjoon points his fork at him.
“I didn’t want to worry her.”
Namjoon raises a brow with an awfully smug look on his face before stuffing the waffles at the end of his fork into his mouth. “What a weasel.”
“Okay that’s not the point,” Hoseok grabs on to the sides of the table like he could eject out of his chair at any second. “I think someone’s watching her. It must be that guy, the one I told you about.”
Namjoon stares at him while he chews. A moment later, he sets his utensils down and brings the napkin to his face. “That was a while ago, wasn’t it? You said it stopped.”
“No I said, I haven’t seen him around since.” Hoseok stresses. “We took turns staying close to her just in case. She noticed it too, you know? Sometimes she gets all weird and says she feels like someone’s watching her.”
“Does she know about him?”
“No. She’d have a panic attack if she did.” Hoseok deflates thinking about you. The bright energy radiating from you recently is something he doesn’t want to see disappear again. “Did you ever ID the guy?”
“We looked at the tapes.” Namjoon nods, bringing some eggs to his mouth. “He’s not anyone on our threat radar.”
“But he could be. Even if it isn’t related to the case, maybe it’s just a stalking case. Either way, shouldn’t we stop him?”
“We need to have evidence.” Namjoon points out, “One video of him trailing behind her then sprinting down the corner when he sees you isn’t enough.”
Hoseok sinks into his seat, picking on the skin of his lips. “I guess it’s a good thing she’s flying off soon.”
“Flying off?” Namjoon tilts his head. “She’s going somewhere?”
“Yeah Japan. For work.” Hoseok sighs, stirring his drink. “Hopefully this creep doesn’t follow her there…”
Namjoon hums, suddenly intensely focused on his food with a frown on his face. He then straightens up with a pensive look which makes Hoseok react. Namjoon chuckles. “What? Why did you make that face?”
“How long is she leaving for?”
“Two weeks for now but once she okays it, she’ll probably spend quite a long time there.”
Namjoon nods, chewing on his food as he watches Hoseok carefully, the unreadable expression making him jittery.
⎼
Hoseok leans against his door, tapping on the window of the driver’s seat to the beat of the music playing as he waits outside the building you’ve just disappeared into. He swears it’s nothing creepy; following you from a distance on days he didn’t need to be in the office. He started doing this the weeks after the suspicious man.
Ironically, he was stalking you to catch your stalker.
He’d stopped months ago, when nothing came of it. But since recent events, he’s decided to get back on it.
He’d found you easily from your updates in the chat. After dropping by two cat hotels, you exit the current one and walk to the nearest bus stop. It feels weird to just watch as you get on and off public transport while he could literally drive you places.
But he has to stay at a distance if his goal is to catch anyone following you. Already parked by the street he knew you’d get down at, he continues watching as you stop by a bakery, and a fruit stall. Then before going on your way again, you pause, turning around. For a moment, Hoseok thinks he’s been made. But you aren’t looking his way. Perhaps you sensed someone watching you again.
Hoseok turns in his seat to follow your line of sight. Lots of other people walking in both directions, but no one or thing particularly suspicious.
When he locates you again, you’ve started walking into the direction you were staring down. He huffs, now having to make a u-turn to continue following you.
So he decides to walk, a risky decision. You could glance across the street at any moment and spot him. He maintains a good distance but one well enough to see you clearly.
When you finally slow down and come to a stop, it’s outside the tattoo studio from weeks ago. Hoseok leans against the wall across the street and a couple of stores down, trying to blend in. The next moment, you’re entering the shop.
What business could you possibly have there? A little worried, he remembers the last time you went to a similar shop, and came out with not one, but two piercings where you couldn’t show him. His lunch threatens to come back up just thinking about it.
Ten minutes later, you’re out. A smile on your face. That was too short for a piercing or a tattoo. He sighs in relief. He turns his back as you go past him, pretending to be window shopping, till you’re already back on your normal route.
What is it about this store? He wonders, still rooted in the same spot. Saving his curiosity for next time, he’s just about to dart back to the car, till he sees the door to the shop swing open carefully, and someone emerges from inside.
Not just anyone. A familiar build he’s seen before, peeking out the door down the street you left. Same hoodie on, with light sweatpants this time. It’s him, the one who was following you. Cautiously, he steps out, craning his neck. But you’re far gone.
Relieved, he steps closer to the side of the road, and brings a cigarette to his lips, lighting it up. Then he tugs his hood off.
Hoseok’s jaw drops to the ground.
⎼
Jungkook lies in one of the dark rooms, a hand under his head as he stares at the ceiling. His heart still racing thinking about what happened earlier.
Just two weeks after being back, he’d come into the tattoo studio he now co-owns with a friend from the past. Back when he first landed home, he’d met up with said friend, pitching an idea. More than happy to ditch the dirty underground tattoo spots in dingy places, Jungkook proposed they start a proper store.
While he was away in Italy, Jungkook left the store’s design and reconstruction of the new place in his partner’s hand. Now that he’s back, he would help with the day to day operations, though there’s not much of that going on yet since the interior needs some tidying up. Having bought over the second floor as well, it’s where Jungkook’s been staying while he hunts for an apartment.
Jungkook hadn’t expected to come face to face with you so soon. Well, sort of. Of course, he’d been watching you as soon as he was back. To his surprise, your routine changed. But as usual, you would always hang out with either Hoseok, Hana or Jimin.
He’d seen you at the florist with Hoseok, smiling down at the orange flowers. Hoseok walked out with a big bouquet, seemingly not for you. How awful. He wanted to get you one too.
Then one afternoon, as he sorted boxes in the shop, you appeared. Even through the frosted glass, he could tell it was you. You come up to the window, hand over your eyes to try and see inside, and he sees you up close for the first time in a long time. So beautiful. He thinks. Ho wonders what had drawn you to the store, thinking they had chosen a sleek and discreet front.
And today, you stepped inside, calling out a melodious hello to the person behind the counter. Jungkook found himself rooted to his spot in one of the empty rooms. It was you, no doubt about it.
He carefully peeks out, seeing your side nodding at the staff with a wide smile. You inquired about a tattoo, and he all but geeks about it, wondering how you’d feel about his new ones.
For a moment, he thinks you might actually get one. But after not finding anything you liked, the staff told you they do custom designs too. Jungkook nodded along.
“Sounds like a great idea.” You smile. “But not today though. I’ll be back with one next time.”
He peeked at you leaving, the way you paused at the door to get one last glance of the interior. He dips his head back when you turn back. Then he hears the jingle when you finally leave.
So close. So close he could smell the lingering of your perfume. So close yet so far.
He wanted to run after you. But he just couldn’t.
After the talk with Taehyung, Jungkook made up his mind. He booked a ticket back the next day. Taehyung was right; he was being unfair to you. He’d return for good, face his fears, face everyone.
But it was easy to be so confident when you’re miles away. As soon as he stepped foot back into the city, anxiety kicked in.
No, he can’t let you see him like this. Not yet. He needs a little more time, just a little bit more. He’ll get the studio running first. And then once business kicks off he’ll do it, he thinks. Or once he gets a proper place to stay at least. This was the goal he set for himself.
Jungkook groans, wondering why it was so hard to be a grown man with feelings. He jumps off the tattoo bed, picks up the trash by the door and heads out for a smoke.
The sun had set hours ago, and the store remains open, though not taking in any clients yet and with the night shift staff working on the logistics behind the desk. He isn’t a stranger to Jungkook either.
“Hey boss,” he calls out when Jungkook appears from the corridor into the main entrance. “I mean…JK.”
Jungkook smiles, “I’m not your boss anymore Evan.”
“You still are, technically.” He chuckles, going around the counter.
Jungkook thinks about it, “Oh yeah I guess so. But please, don’t be so formal.”
“Got it.” He nods. “I was hoping to catch you before I leave.”
“Something wrong?”
“Not at all!” Evan shakes his head, gesturing vaguely, unsure what to do with his hands. “I wanted to thank you for giving me this job. Again.”
“Oh no problem at all.” Jungkook shrugs. “Heard from the grapevine that you were looking for something, thought you might like a shorter commute.”
“I won’t let you down bo- JK.”
“I know you won’t.” Jungkook pats him on the back before stepping out, dumping the trash by the roadside bin, and moving towards the alley for a smoke. Just as he’s about to pull out his lighter, a force from behind knocks into him, pressing one side of his shoulder to the wall. His face just barely spared from the impact from supporting himself with his other arm.
He pushes back, only to be grabbed by the front of his hoodie, once again shoved into the wall.
“What the fuck!” He yells, wincing at the pain shooting through the back of his head. Hands automatically try to pry the hands off him. It isn’t until he lifts his gaze to get a good look at the assailant, that he stops.
His hands linger around the wrists yet his gaze softens. “Hoseok?”
Hoseok’s eyes pierce through his. Confused and a little disoriented, Jungkook can only stare back at him. It’s when he sees the lack of hostility in Jungkook’s eyes, no will to defend himself, that Hoseok loosens his grip.
“What are you doing?” He asks.
“Me? You’re the one pinning me to the wall.” Jungkook retorts.
Hoseok thinks about it for half a second before easing up. Still annoyed, Hoseok ignores the way he rubs the back of his head. They move to the side of the road, taking up space on the curb, and an awkward silence fills the air for much too long.
Of course, it’s Hoseok who eventually breaks it.
“How are you?” He asks, though his voice shows no concern.
Jungkook keeps his gaze on the ground, “Good. You?”
“Good.”
“Are you mad at me?”
The question was so ridiculous, and topping it off with the innocence in his voice, Hoseok laughs. The sound makes Jungkook relax a little. “Kinda.” Hoseok admits. “What were you thinking?”
“Not quite sure what you’re referring to right now.” Jungkook rubs the back of his head. “About running away or about Y/N?”
“Both!” He says incredulously.
Jungkook huffs out a chuckle. “Where do I start?”
⎼
As the night went on, Hoseok eventually invited Jungkook to stay over at his place for the night. It hurt him a little to find out Jungkook was sleeping on a mattress in a bare second floor of that tattoo parlour. So he drove him over and got noodles for takeout.
Jungkook smiles, telling Hoseok how eating supper at his place reminds him of being in Italy, just a little more lavish.
“And that idiot never even said a word to us.” Hoseok shakes his head, slurping his noodles.
“Not his fault. I told him not to.” Jungkook shrugs.
Hoseok watches him down the food, getting flashbacks of their college days. Of course back then, Jungkook would only sit across from him only to swipe every damn food off the plate before Hoseok could get to it. Now, he stares at a different version of the young man.
One with table manners, and a little more awareness, now and then wiping the surface of the table when the soup splatters all over. One that pours a drink for Hoseok first before his own. Even setting aside a plastic bag to keep the trash in.
“Why didn’t you just come to me?”
Jungkook looks up slowly, embarrassed to even lift his gaze. The moment he saw Hoseok’s apartment, he felt like running away. “I couldn’t face you. Any of you.”
“What do you mean?”
Jungkook gestures all around, an unbelievable look on his face. “Look at this. I don’t have any of this.”
“So?”
Jungkook struggles to put his thoughts into words. How could Hoseok ever understand when he lives a life like this? He would never know how small it feels to be Jungkook. To have nothing. To have to start all over.
“You won’t get it.” He mutters under his breath, suddenly losing interest in the food.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” Hoseok says. Jungkook looks up just then, still not used to this. Old them would’ve ended up in an explosive fight. But this Hoseok is calmer, much more mature.
Jungkook decides to try again. “I’m⎼ embarrassed.”
Hoseok’s brows go up a notch. “Embarrassed about coming back?”
“Compared to everyone else, I have nothing. I haven’t done anything special. I’ve lived as a completely different person the last five years, and now I have to come back as me again, but the same me from five years before, while everyone else has moved on and gotten jobs and nice apartments and-”
“Hey hey hey…” Hoseok hushes him soothingly. He can tell how bothered Jungkook is by this. You were right after all. From across the table, Hoseok contemplates on his words, not wanting to dismiss his feelings. “Jungkook, you know our priority is your safety. The fact that you don’t have a place to stay, or a job or whatever⎼ those things come last. We’ve been waiting for you.”
“I don’t want to look pathetic.” He mutters quietly. “Look, didn’t you bring me here because you felt sorry for me?”
“Well, yes.” Hoseok shrugs. “But-”
It didn’t really matter to Jungkook what the reason was. He doesn’t like being on the receiving end of their pitiful looks.
Hoseok sighs, recognising the familiar furrow of his brow. “Okay, I’m gonna be a bit harsh now so stay with me, but this is just your ego getting in the way.”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything in response. Deep down he knows Hoseok’s right.
“We don’t think any less of you Jungkook. And look, we might offer help, yes, but that’s because we’re friends, not because we think you’re pathetic.”
Hoseok narrows his eyes, then continues, “Although me personally? Yeah, maybe you are a little pathetic.”
Jungkook’s head snaps up at him.
“Because how much more pathetic can you get other than stalking the woman you love instead of going up to her?”
Jungkook is flushed. As careful as he was, Hoseok did manage to notice him all those months ago. And even today apparently.
“I just- I don’t know how-” Jungkook scratches his head. “I can’t just show up at her front door.”
“Why not? You already know where she lives.”
“I thought…” He sucks in a breath, “I thought I’d get myself on my feet first before meeting her again. I want to have something good to tell her for once, and not just lame stories about a puppy I found.”
“Hey she loves that one, she told me about it.”
“The point is…I have nothing to offer right now.”
“Dude, she doesn’t care.”
“But I do!” Jungkook shuts his eyes, bites his bottom lip and utters an apology. After a few deep breaths, he continues, “You’re right, maybe it is just my ego. I don’t know, I want to look put together and…please, just give me time. Don’t tell her yet.”
Hoseok looks on calmly. “How long is that going to take you?”
“Maybe a month?” He says. “I promise I’ll get my shit together by then.”
“A month…” Hoseok mutters, forking at his noodles before staring Jungkook down. “I don’t feel good lying to Y/N about this. The last six years haven’t been easy for her. A month is all I can give you. You have to do it then.”
Jungkook perks up, nodding. “I promise. In a month.”
⎼
The engine runs while Hoseok waits in the car outside of the cat hotel. Every few minutes, he finds himself biting back his tongue from blabbing about Jungkook. He wants to tell you so badly, but at the same time, he sympathises with Jungkook.
“All done.” You flash the receipt in your hand. “Cats are sorted, I’ll bring them in tomorrow.”
“Great,” he smiles, “any more errands?”
“That was the last one.” You lean back into the chair with a sigh, having ticked off your entire list. You’ve settled the cats as well as your apartment, which Hana will have the key to. All that’s left is to fly out.
“Nervous?”
“No…I don’t know, weird.” You say, giggling.
“I-”
“But happy weird.” You sigh. “It’s all so exciting.”
The drive back to Hana and Jimin’s apartment is quiet, but you think nothing of it, letting the radio fill in the space, every now and then laughing at their silly remarks. You noticed Hoseok’s a little distracted, like he doesn’t even realise you’re in the car, but you figured he might just be tired.
At the apartment, Hana is the first to make a toast, to your first solo trip. It’s much too dramatic for your liking, only cause you’re sure you won’t extend it.
“But you never know.” She says, shoving her cup to the middle. Jimin joins her. Then Hoseok.
“Fine.” You bring your cup to theirs. “Cheers.”
Jimin takes a tiny sip before clearing his throat and raising his glass once again. “Now, I’d like to raise a toast, for myself.”
Everyone rolls their eyes and he shushes the three of you. “I am now in a committed situationship.”
“What’s a situationship?” You look around confused.
“It’s when two people are into each other but it’s not that serious and not that casual either. Like a fling I guess.” Hoseok answers way too quickly, earning him a funny look from the others.
You save him from further questioning. “Oh, basically like a relationship for people scared of commitment?”
“Excuse me,” Jimin’s eyes widen, “we’re just…exploring.”
You and Hoseok groan, recognising that lingo. “This isn’t love island, stop saying that.”
“Guys chill,” Hana says, “they’re actually kinda cute together. What? He dropped Jimin off after work yesterday. Super cool guy.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending Jimin of all people,” you shake your head in disbelief, “and on top of that he’s got you watching that show too.”
Hana shrugs, hiding behind her drink, “It’s entertaining.”
“Who’s the guy?” Hoseok interrupts.
“Woohyuk.”
You very nearly spit the drink right into his face. “Woohyuk-” You utter in between coughs.
Jimin grins bashfully. “Yeah…I was gonna tell you but then one thing led to the other.”
“You know him?” Hana asks.
“He’s a friend of Nari’s. But he was-”
“He was into Y/N.” Jimin waves it off like it isn’t a big deal. “We met at the mart, then I bumped into him last month at a bar. And we just kind of hit it off.”
“Wow.”
“It’s no big deal right,” Jimin chuckles nervously, “you weren’t into him anyways. Were you? I mean you have a boyfriend.”
A subtle smack under the table from Hana to Jimin. She and Hoseok freeze at his remark. It’s always Jimin, Hoseok thinks. Oddly enough, you don’t notice, or not enough to make you feel a certain way.
“I don't care at all.” You say, “This is just surprising. Sorry I didn’t think to set you up sooner, actually.”
Jimin grins. “I guess it’s just fate.”
Hana scoffs under her breath, “Yeah, you posting stories you know he’ll respond to and removing everyone off your list so that only he can see it,” she exhales, “is fate.”
“Don’t be jealous.”
They continue to bicker, the least surprising thing of the night. Sometimes you wonder how Hana ended up agreeing to let Jimin in as her roommate. It goes on until their favourite show comes on, to which you and Hoseok then decide it’s time to leave, only to be dragged back down. You give each other a look, surrendering.
While Love Island plays, Jimin and Hana are locked in, fully immersed into the drama. Nothing much can tear them away when their show is on. Mindlessly scrolling, from the corner of your eye, Hoseok gets up and heads for the kitchen.
He’s raiding the fridge for something; he doesn’t quite know what he’s looking for, he just needed to get away from there. “You’ve been quiet,” your voice sneaks up behind him, tearing him away, “let me guess, you’re worried about me being on my own.”
Hoseok chuckles, facing you fully. “I know you can handle it.”
“Aww.” You punch him lightly. “Well why the sour face then? Gonna miss me for three whole weeks?”
“Who else will I bug to get lunch with?”
You let him embrace you, long arms wrapping tight around your back while his head rests gingerly against the top of yours. A long exhale leaves your lips, feeling so much lighter than you have in a while.
The two of you then lean against the counter, staring at the two unmoving figures.
He leans in, “I’m getting bored. Should we make a run for it?”
With a gleam in your eye, the two of you start plotting, moving in silence. Knowing how this would go, you conveniently wait for the spiciest part of the show, where the two of them end up screaming at the screen and each other.
At that moment, Hoseok and you sneak out the front door, very gently letting go of the handle. Once out, you bolt for the lift with Hoseok behind you. The moment the lift doors close, the two of you break out into laughter at the dramatic escape.
Now that it’s just you and Hoseok in the car, it’s harder to ignore the glances. At times, even seeming like he wants to say something, but backs out in the end.
“Is something wrong?”
“No.” He retorts quickly, “Maybe. I don’t know.”
It tickles you whenever he’s all antsy. “What is it?”
“Can I ask how you are on the whole Jungkook thing?” He treads carefully, gauging your reaction as he speaks. “I know it’s a sensitive topic. Thought I’d check in, in case you want to talk about it.”
“That’s what’s got you in a pickle all evening?” You scoff. “You should’ve just asked me.”
“Didn’t want to bring the mood down…”
An apologetic smile flashes across his face and you tell him it’s fine. You take a moment to properly think about his question. How are you feeling about Jungkook?
“Honestly, a month ago it felt a lot worse. That was pretty obvious, right?” You suck in a breath. “But now, I’m…calm. About it.”
“Calm?” You sense a little worry in his tone.
“Yeah calm.” You nod. “I mean I’m alright. He’s out there somewhere and he’ll be back when he’s ready. Meanwhile, I’m not going to stop living my life. Because what if he doesn’t actually come back? What then? I should live how I want to live. And then I’ll have no regrets either way.”
Hoseok is quiet for a beat. “Never thought I’d hear you say that.”
“Hm?”
“That you’d be okay if he doesn’t come back.”
It’s your turn to go quiet. You hadn’t even realised you said that, it just sort of came out.
That’s always been a possibility, and if you prod deeper, you might unleash a whole lot of emotions you’ve suppressed really well. That often happens when you’re alone in bed, staring into the dark, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“It’s…definitely something I’m still working on. If it does happen…well, I’ll deal with it then.” You admit, “what’s life without heartbreak, right?”
That didn’t even make sense to you, knowing exactly what’s in your heart.
As if on autopilot, Hoseok doesn’t even realise he’s driven up to your building. So much left he wanted to talk about, but the word breakup sent him into a silent panic. He needs to tell you about Jungkook–
“But I kinda don’t want to think about that right now.” You say softly, and he hears the unbuckling of your seatbelt. “I think…I’ll focus on myself for now.”
He cracks up a smile, gripping the steering wheel tight. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Anyways, thanks for sending me home. I’ll see you soon!”
You share a hug before heading inside, waving to him from the lobby till your elevator door shuts.
⎼
The question lingers in the air, hovering above you like a dark cloud. Will you really be okay if Jungkook never comes back. Masking your true feelings is never easy. This trip and everyone’s reaction towards it has felt more like it was for them to believe you’re finally moving on. But are you?
Maybe you were just telling people what they wanted to hear. Although it wasn’t a lie when you told Hoseok you were calm. You were at the time. If he doesn’t come back, he doesn’t come back, true.
But its implication is what your heart isn’t ready to handle yet. It would mean the end of your relationship, something you both fought hard for. Something you spent the last five years desperately clinging on to. The only thing that made you feel like there was light at the end of the tunnel.
The future with him you spent years planning sent up in flames. You had wanted Jungkook to be a part of the rest of your life.
And you still do.
“This’ll just be our secret,” you whisper to Jiji who’s rolled into a ball in your arms, “but I’m never giving up on him. And I’m never going to stop loving him.”
⎼
“She’s leaving on Friday.”
Jungkook pauses halfway, drinks in hand, snuck from the minibar below. The second floor was much nicer than Hoseok imagined. It’s clean and empty, save for the makeshift mattress next to him and Jungkook’s bags. The walls have a fresh coat of paint, and a diffuser on the floor across the room gives the place a nice scent. If he tidied up the place, it would make a decent living space.
“To?” Jungkook sits cross-legged, across from him.
“Japan. For work.” Hoseok says. “I should’ve told you this before. But I wanted to be sure before saying anything.”
“Be sure about what?”
“About her feelings.” He takes a breath, wishing Jungkook wouldn’t look at him with such hopeful eyes. “You should know, this is the first time she’s actually doing something out of her comfort zone. She’s been stuck in her bubble for so long, turned down multiple promotions till this one came around.”
Jungkook realises where this is going. “Is it because of me?”
Hoseok tears away from his eyes. “Perhaps. When we found out you weren’t coming back, everything was just in limbo - we didn’t really know how to help her. And when she told us about the offer, well, we thought it’d be great for her to do it just to give her a little push.”
Jungkook nods in understanding, “You guys wanted her to move on.”
“Not in that way Jungkook,” Hoseok thinks about his words, “we could tell she needed a change. Of course I didn’t know back then…if I’d known I wouldn’t have-”
“You guys did the right thing.” Jungkook stops him, “I would’ve done the same.”
“She’ll be away for three weeks.” Hoseok says. “But…she might extend the trip and if that happens⎼ it’ll be months.”
A lump forms in Jungkook’s throat. “Months?”
“Yeah. So I don’t know, I think you should⎼ just tell the truth.”
“What if that stops her?”
Hoseok stares at him. “Stops her from what?”
“From doing the trip.” Jungkook says in quiet desperation. “What if she decides not to go through with it once she knows I’m here?”
Hoseok takes a deep breath. He hadn’t thought of that and it’s a valid question. It’s entirely possible you would go back on your decision. Groaning in frustration, he lets his head drop against the wall. “So? Are you just going to let her go?”
“If it’s only for a couple of weeks…I think I owe it to her.” Jungkook says. “She would’ve never taken the offer if I was back.”
“That’s a good point.” Hoseok sighs, brows creasing as he looks at Jungkook. “You guys are very frustrating.”
Jungkook chuckles, agreeing himself. “It’s my fault.”
“Yeah mostly.”
Hoseok laughs, playfully slapping Jungkook’s shoulder. When their laughter dies down, Jungkook looks off to the side where his belongings lay neatly by the window, next to a mattress.
“I know I said a month,” he gets up, pulling something from under his bag, what looked like a piece of cardboard from afar.
Settling in front of Hoseok again, he turns it over and gleefully watches a smile spread over the older man’s face. “I got certified today, I’m officially a licensed tattooist.”
“It’s crazy, the first thought that ran through my mind was, I gotta tell Y/N.” Jungkook continues, “I wanted to tell her about it, see the proud look on her face. I wanted to celebrate with her.”
“That’s amazing Jungkook.” Hoseok squeezes his hand, reaching for the cert to get a closer look. “She’ll be so happy for you.”
“I was actually going to call you earlier, to tell you I’m gonna surprise her next week,” he says, carefully placing the certificate down as Hoseok listens quietly, “but of course this had to happen.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“Like I said, she was the first thing that came to mind. The only person I wanted to talk to. And I thought about what you said, that it was all about my ego. You’re right, I just didn’t want to look like a loser. But at the end of the day, I think the real loser is the person who had his happiness within reach, only to deliberately distance himself from it just to save face. Still me, of course.
I felt so happy earlier, but then realised it meant nothing because I didn’t have her with me.”
Jungkook lifts his gaze to Hoseok fondly looking at him. Hoseok reaches out to Jungkook’s head, lovingly ruffling his hair. “So mature now.”
“Still troublesome though, right?” He chuckles.
“Afraid that’ll be harder to grow out of.” Hoseok sighs, letting the heaviness settle in between them. The tension seeping through Jungkook is contagious. “You know…I think it’s worth a shot. Come to the airport on Friday.”
“I can’t.”
“I’ll be there.” Hoseok wraps his fingers around Jungkook’s. “We’ll do it together.”
“Friday night, 9PM.” Hoseok says pointedly. “You have 48 hours to make your decision.”
Jungkook nods.
“You should get a proper bed…”
“Hyung.”
⎼
The airport has never felt bigger, its grandness swallowing you whole. Suddenly, you can’t read the signs or find your way, Hana having to point things out to you. Goosebumps appear over your skin each time you hear an announcement.
“Cold feet?” Jimin teases, nudging his elbow into you.
“Cold feet, cold fingers, cold everything.” You blow into your hands as if it’s a freezing winter morning.
They giggle, Hana offering to warm you up with a hug. Your luggage has been checked in, and with two hours till your flight departs, the entrance into departure awaits ahead.
“Alright guys,” you smile, “I’ll see you in three weeks.”
They take turns hugging you goodbye. Even though you continuously reiterate that it would only be three weeks, it feels odd to be leaving on your own, the thought eventually making you tear up.
“You never know what will happen right?” Jimin says as he pulls away.
Hoseok watches on fondly, squeezing your face in his palms. He’d disappeared for a period of time while you got your bag checked, then appeared again soon after. You assumed it’s work that’s keeping him busy and tense.
His hug feels a little tighter and he keeps you in his arms a little longer. “Call me if you need anything.”
You nod, patting him on the back, as if he’s the one that needs reassuring. “I will. Don’t worry.”
They stand in a line, like parents sending their child off, as you walk up to security. Fortunately, the line moves rather quickly. You make it past the final pat down and grab all your belongings, then turning around for one last wave before disappearing into departure. “It’s only three weeks,” you say again, holding back tears.
“What’s wrong with you?” Jimin smacks Hoseok’s arm as soon as you’re gone, making him jump.
“Yeah, why does it feel like you don’t want her to go?” Hana squints, giving him a once over, “And you keep looking around…what’s happening?”
Hoseok wipes the sweat off his forehead and heaves out an exhale, burning on the inside. “I have to tell you guys something.”
⎼
2 weeks later
The air is cool and crisp, the sun shines brightly in the sky, the sounds of people going about their daily lives float around you. It has been a whirlwind of the first two weeks, meeting investors, visiting the new site and reporting back to the headquarters back in Korea. Fortunately, one of your colleagues had also been sent along to keep you company. And sane.
You’ve only managed to find some time to breathe this week, the third week. Still, you find yourself back at the arts centre location; perched in the middle of a busy city. The sun kisses your skin as you walk down the street, looking for a nice place for lunch.
As if on cue, your phone vibrates and you eagerly swipe across the screen. “Hey!”
“What’s up stranger?” Hoseok calls out on the other end.
While you tried to be responsive in the group chat, some days were a little too busy. But Hoseok never fails to check in every once in a while. “Enjoying my free day. Missed me huh?”
“Barely noticed you were gone.” He chuckles. “How’s the work coming along?”
“Busier than I thought it’d be.” You admit, stopping in your tracks when you find a random ramen stall in an alley, where everyone says the best foods are. “We’re basically starting from the ground up. There were some delays and renovations have only just started.”
“Oof,” he sucks in a breath, “no wonder they wanted you there long term.”
“Yeah,” you sigh, “miss home though. Miss you guys.”
“We miss you too.” Hoseok says, “you’ve been well? Eating well?”
“Oh I’m eating very well,” you laugh and hear him chuckle on the line. There’s a little pause before you continue, “I like it here Hoseok. You guys were right, being in a new environment and doing new things was exactly what I needed. I feel a lot lighter.”
You can almost imagine his smile, “I’m glad to hear that Y/N.”
“Might be a bit premature but… maybe an extended stay won’t be so bad afterall.”
⎻
Jungkook feels sick. Sick to his stomach. It feels like someone’s just reached into his chest and squeezed the air out of his lungs.
When he failed to show up at the airport, he had already expected to see Hoseok that night.
Standing at the top of the stairs, right at the entrance of Jungkook’s room. Jungkook looks up from where he’s playing the guitar, ready for a good lecture. Instead, Hoseok asks calmly, “Couldn’t do it huh?”Jungkook shakes his head, settling the guitar down next to him. “Sorry…”“I figured.” Hoseok shrugs, sitting near the door, across from Jungkook. “Could’ve at least picked up my calls.”“Didn’t mean to ignore you either. Just didn’t know what to say.”Jungkook had been there, standing rooted at the entrance of the airport contemplating his decision. Is he really doing this? At an airport? Just when you’ve decided to do something different in your life? He watched when everyone hugged you goodbye, noticing how your fingers keep fidgeting, a sign that you’re nervous. “I couldn’t.” Jungkook said quietly. Hoseok leaned back, resting an arm on his knee. “Probably was a terrible idea anyway.”
This time round, Hoseok is less calm. He all but barges into the shop, dragging Jungkook by the arm onto the couch in the waiting area. Running a hand through his hair, he turns to Jungkook with a flurried look. Seeing him so anxious puts Jungkook on edge. “What happened?”
“You have to tell her now.”
“ Is she back already?” Jungkook looks at his phone, “It’s only Thursday. Isn’t she back next Monday?”
Hoseok plops down right next to him, “I just spoke with her over the phone.”
“And?”
“She’s seriously loving it there.” Hoseok states, bringing a smile to Jungkook’s face. “That’s great.”
“No it’s not.” Hoseok frowns, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. “She’s extending her stay.”
That’s when his heart sinks. It was a possibility, he’d known that. But he’d been praying for you to return next week, and that’s when he was going to surprise you. Finally see you again, apologise for what’s happened, be with you again.
“You’re joking right?”
“She told me herself.” Hoseok says gently, “She loves it there.”
Jungkook paces around the room. Behind the counter, a worried Evan overhears the entire conversation while he quietly unpacks a bunch of tools.
“I knew this would happen,” Hoseok sighs, shaking his head, “when we had that talk before she left, she gave me the vibes that she was ready to move on from the life she’s lived here.”
“God, why’d you guys have to convince her to go?” Jungkook groans.
“Hey, we wouldn’t have done that if you had just showed up like you promised her you would.”
The words sting, he did promise you, and he let you down. Jungkook turns back to Hoseok, “Can you convince her to come back?”
“And when she does, are you going to do anything about it?” Hoseok asks, “Or just run and hide again when the time comes?”
Lowering his gaze, Jungkook opens his mouth to say something then shuts it again. “I’m…”
“Yeah that’s what I thought.” Hoseok composes himself, realising the hurt in Jungkook’s eyes. “Sorry, got possessed by my old self there.”
Jungkook rests on one of the unopened boxes in front of the counter. “It’s fine you’re right anyways…” He mutters softly.
Hoseok scoots forward in his seat, taking on a serious tone, “If you don’t do something about this, you’re going to lose her. It’s been three weeks and she says she feels like a whole new person. Don’t you think after six months, she’ll have moved on? Think about it, that’s six months, on top of the years she’s spent waiting for you. Half of that time it was one-sided.”
“It was never one-sided,” Jungkook huffs, “I love her.”
“Well you’re not showing it.” Hoseok softens his gaze, “I know I’m being harsh, but I really want the best for both of you. If you still value this relationship, act on it. Otherwise, as her friend too, I think I’d rather she be with someone who can muster up the courage to actually be with her.”
Jungkook’s head starts pounding with regret and despair and frustration. Behind him, Evan lays down the tools he’d been wiping down. “JK, I think he’s right.”
This is the part when he runs. That would be much easier, wouldn’t it? He’d let you live your life, a happier one without constantly chasing after his shadow. And he’d go back to Italy, stay with Taehyung till he finds his own place.
Hoseok stands from his seat, pulling something out of his pocket. It snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts. He stares at the flight ticket. “This might be your last chance.”
–
Hana had recommended the aquarium in Okinawa as one of her must go locations; she’d been there once on a trip and marveled about it. So on Saturday, you find yourself walking through the massive aquarium, gawking at its massive displays and the sea animals all around.
Hana liked your story.
When you told her about today, she was more than excited. This morning even asking for your live location just so she knows when you’ve reached.
You find a space among the hoards of people standing in front of the largest display they have, gaping in awe as a beautiful whale shark swims past, and everyone rushes to snap a picture. In hindsight, maybe the weekend wasn’t a good time to visit.
You squeeze past the crowd, sucking in a breath of relief when you make it out. You look at the visitor map, and continue your tour through their coral reefs and deep sea exhibitions.
Realising they would be feeding the sharks soon, you check the map again and decide to head back to the first display.
It’s a short walk when you know your way around. Ten minutes early and the crowd is already in place, so you opt to stand further back, where it’s easier to breathe. Plus, with such a huge tank, it’s hard to miss much.
You stand there, mesmerised by the enormity of it all, finding peace as you watch the fishes swim about. It isn’t until you feel something tugging on your jeans that you break away.
It’s a little girl.
You stare at her for a moment, unsure of what was going on. She smiles, and beckons for you to follow her. You don’t budge, confused.
“Do you need help?” You ask, hoping she’d understand your Japanese.
She comes back to your side, “Come with me!” She grins.
You look around for her parents or guardian, but no one else seems to mind this little child. Where did she come from and what does she want with you? What if this was one of those scams you always see online? “Where are your parents?”
She sighs dramatically, “I want to show you something!”
“No, sorry I⎼ hey!”
Confidently slipping her hand into yours, she tugs you along despite your resistance. She takes quick steps and you trail behind, hand still clutched in hers. She takes you to an area surrounded by glass displays, with several paths leading to different areas of the aquarium. Leading you right in the middle of the circle with a concave dome display above, and a floor that lights up when you step on the tiles, she finally lets go and runs off down one of the paths.
“Wait!”
But she was gone. That was weird, you think. You figure she was just being silly, and you had fallen for her idea of a joke. No one else seems to notice though, absorbed by the large tanks all over.
You laugh at yourself, shaking your head as you turn back around.
Swirling on your feet, someone stands in your path. Forget-me-nots staring at you in the face, tattooed fingers wrapping round the bottom of the bouquet.
“Y/N.”
Your entire body freezes. That voice.
His voice reaches you before you can even raise your head, eyes fixated on the flowers, processing what could possibly be happening. Familiar, yet different. A huff of air comes out of you, convincing yourself your mind is playing tricks on you.
Then you finally lift your gaze.
And those wide, sparkly eyes. They bore into yours, and you find yourself unable to tear away. Taking cautious steps, he gets closer till you're breathing in his scent, one you recognise, filling your mind with the memories you hold dear to your heart.
Your surroundings blend into a blur, voices around you fizzling to a soft buzz.
Bringing his hand up to your face, his knuckles gently graze against your cheek. So gentle, you barely feel it.
“Hi.” He says, eyes wide, chewing on his bottom lip.
Hearing this voice again for the first time in six years. It feels unreal, like a dream. It would be a cruel one if it was, allowing you to come so close. So close you can even touch– you gasp.
“It’s really you.”
He leans into your touch, fingers gently wrapping around your wrist. “It’s me.”
Around you, everyone else goes about their day without much care. Blue lights cast moving shadows over your forms, his face occasionally disappearing in the shadows.
A little closer, you feel his hands come up your sides as he slowly wraps around you. Finally tearing your eyes away, you let him embrace you, resting your head against his chest, arms around his middle. His head rests against yours, and you feel your body melt into his, fitting perfectly against each other.
⎼
The aquarium extends towards a flower park, just a couple of minutes away. Even from afar, you spot the colourful flowers and greenery, meticulously architectured into a beautiful garden exhibiting the tropical flowers they house.
It’s like something out of a fairytale, with flower lined paths, walking through canopies surrounded with plants wrapped around its structures, and a fairytale-like pond on one side of the park with water lilies, duckweed, and other tropical plants.
You find yourselves on a bench near the edges of the park, where you get a great view of the sea and open waters. Side by side, silent for the last twenty minutes, neither one of you knowing what to say.
In your hands, you hold a picture of the two of you, snapped by one of the staff members. They go around offering to take pictures for a fee. Neither one of you had asked for one, but the young woman insisted.
It was a beautiful one. Side by side, notably awkward, with the flowers now in your arms. Jungkook’s arm very lightly around your waist, and you pressed to his side. Both beaming against the blue backdrop.
He glances at the picture, then up at your side profile, admiring your features. Feeling his eyes on you, you begin to heat up. It almost feels like a first date. Both awkward, both shy.
“How…how’ve you been?” Jungkook finally asks.
You turn to him and huff out a chuckle. “I’ve been good. You?”
He shrugs, wearing an embarrassed smile on his face. “I’m alright.”
You both stare at each other, waiting for someone to say something. Eventually, you break into giddy laughter. “What are you doing here Jungkook?”
Behind a smile, he ignores the racing of his heart at the first time he’s heard you say his name in years. You’re giggling and there’s a sparkle in your eyes. He hoped you wouldn’t be mad, that you wouldn’t greet him with indifference or annoyance that he had come and disturbed your peace somehow. But looking at you now, he doesn’t know why he ever thought you would be.
You’ve kept your hair long, wearing a brighter shade of lip colour, eyeliner, but everything else is just as he remembers.
“I’m here for you.” He says, feeling himself burn when you soften your gaze, then you tear away, unable to hide your happiness. Cute. “You must have a lot of questions, don’t you?”
You chuckle. “I do have a few, yeah.”
Jungkook laughs nervously, rubbing his palms against his thighs. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Hey,” you call out, voice as sweet as honey, “relax. It’s just me, you can talk to me.”
Amazed by how the simple sound of your voice calms him down, Jungkook huffs out a laugh. He can’t even remember the script he’d mentally prepared on the flight here. Where would he start? There’s just so many things he wanted to tell you.
“First of all, I um…I want to apologise to you.” You watch him switch to a serious tone, angling his body slightly more towards you. “I was selfish. I should’ve just come back like I promised all those years ago. But instead I…”
“It’s not your fault,” you reassure him, “I wanted you to have that choice. It’s not selfish at all.”
“But it was, kind of.” He continues, “I know you think I was away but…I stuck around for a bit. Namjoon probably told you I left, because I told him that. I was…kind of struggling to accept that everyone has grown so much over the last six years. I’m sure you knew, that’s why you told Namjoon to let me decide, right?”
You nod as you listen.
“I stayed for a bit and kept watch. I saw how happy you were, with your job, your friends. I know Hoseok took good care of you…I didn’t want to ruin all of that. Eventually, I did leave the country though. I’ve been in Italy with Taehyung for about a month or so. And I came back weeks ago wanting to see you but still…I couldn’t.”
Letting his words sink in, you sit quietly, thinking about how he’d been so close the entire time. It suddenly made sense, why you constantly felt someone’s presence around you.
Jungkook notices your distant stare. “Are you upset?”
“No.” You look back at him, smiling. “But I don’t understand why you thought you’d ruin things…shouldn’t you let me decide that? After all, I waited all these years, why would I not want you back?”
He starts to sweat, swallowing the lump in his throat but your gaze remains soft. “I…didn’t want to be a burden.” He admits. “I came back with only the clothes in my luggage. No fancy job, apartment…it felt a little embarrassing to show up like that in front of everyone. I didn’t want you or anyone to have to bend over backwards and make space for me or help me with a job–”
“Why not?”
“Well, because.” Jungkook shrugs, “it’s embarrassing.”
Jungkook looks towards the sea, feeling the breeze in his hair. Scooting closer, you brush the parts of his hair messed up by the wind, tucking it gingerly behind his ear. You never imagined he would keep his hair long. Up close, you study his face, looking at his new piercings. After a while, he turns to you, and you smile. “Even after all these years, you still haven’t learned it’s okay to ask for help.”
“I know, it’s stupid.” Jungkook chuckles.
“So…what made you decide to show up now?”
“I didn’t want to lose you.” He says truthfully. “I was trying to create the best version of myself for you. In that process I realised that even if I did have a fancy job, and lots of money, a luxurious apartment…none of that would matter if I didn’t have you. In fact, it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t have all that, because I’d have you.”
“I heard that you were thinking of extending your stay. And I don’t know if I can bear to be apart for much longer. And maybe this is incredibly selfish of me to do so knowing this is your life and your career. But I want you to know that I’m here and that I love you. And I don’t think I could wait that long and risk losing you forever.”
“Losing me?”
“You were starting to move on, weren’t you?” Jungkook says, “And I’m not saying you can’t, obviously it’s your choice and I would never want to hold you back and I’ll always support you–”
He gets cut off when you laugh, covering your mouth with an apologetic look when he stares at you in confusion. “Did Hoseok tell you that?”
“Yes.”
Giggling, you place a hand on his thigh, “Jungkook, I’m meant to fly home this weekend anyways. Our operations got pushed back a couple of months, so even if I did accept it, it’s not going to be immediate. One or two months at least. Did Hoseok not tell you that part?”
Jungkook blinks, processing what you’ve just said. He shuts his eyes in disbelief. “That idiot. He made it seem like you weren’t coming back at all.”
You laugh again, seeing his ears go red. “So he knew all along?”
Jungkook runs his hand through his hair, exhaling the load off his shoulders. “He found out just before you flew out. I told him not to tell you.”
The way he was acting suddenly made more sense now. The hesitation, his questions. He was looking out for Jungkook. You should’ve known. “I see.”
“Oh well, regardless,” Jungkook shrugs, “whether you’re staying or going home, it doesn’t change how I feel.”
Your hands graze against each other, his pinky finger hooking onto yours playfully. Your cheeks start to hurt from the constant smiling, but you can’t seem to stop.
“Where are you staying?” You ask after a quiet moment.
“Oh,” Jungkook purses his lips, scratching the back of his head, only now realising that he never booked a room. “I don’t know. Hadn’t thought that far.”
You laugh again, and Jungkook feels his heart swelling with emotions.
I love you so much. He thinks.
⎼
1 week later, back in Korea
Every time your bodies come into contact, the touch of your hands or an accidental brush of a shoulder, you’d both pull away in surprise before laughing awkwardly at your reactions. It’s taking a little while getting used to being in each other’s presence again.
Even when you first offered your place up to him, he refused, not wanting to invade your space. You felt that was weird considering it was never a problem before. But now you realise he was probably trying to avoid such awkwardness. Still, most of the time it isn’t so bad.
Jungkook lies on the couch, where he prefers to sleep, and you see Cream perched on top of him, waiting for him to wake up. Stifling a giggle, you quietly pad towards the kitchen for some tea.
After living alone for so long, it was a little challenging to remember not to make too much noise in the early mornings. Despite your efforts, he would always start to stir just before nine; back then, he would have never got up before noon.
From where you are, you hear the sound of him shuffling about. Then you see his arms extend past the arm of the couch as he stretches, huffing out an exhale. And Cream jumps off.
Just as your water starts to boil, Jungkook leaves his nest, messy hair and full sleeve on display, something you still haven’t gotten used to yet. He’s also much bigger than before.
“Morning.” He mumbles. You try not to stare as he goes straight for a glass of cool water before trotting off to the bathroom.
No hug or kiss, no warmth of his skin against yours. But you don’t blame him. You’ve lived separately for years, it’s only natural to ease into being a couple again. Right now, it just feels like you have a roommate who happens to be your boyfriend.
Each morning he’d head down to the tattoo studio. It was truly a surprise when he brought you there, hand in hand, as you stared at the same store front of the shop you’d stepped into previously. Not only was he working there, he’s the co-owner and a tattoo artist.
“What do you think?” Like a child holding himself back from getting too excited, he gauged your reaction, wide eyes watching you expectantly.
“Jungkook, this is amazing!”
Your arms wrapped around his neck instantly, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m glad. I really wanted to share this with you.”
Snaking your hands around his middle like you used to, you look up at him. “I’m so proud of you.”
He’d been busy with the opening since then. You’ve been spending a couple of hours each day helping him sort out the store, even though he tells you not to. Occasionally, he’d come up to you from the back, a quick hug and peck to your cheek. You don’t say it, but you live for those little moments when you feel like the old you again.
When opening day comes, it’s a small celebration with friends and staff. There were a couple of flower wreaths outside the store, one of it from your group of friends, wishing him luck. Their official site and Instagram was launched, and the studio was now in full operation.
As you watch him float around the room, speaking to friends and others in the tattoo business that have come down to support him, you wonder why he ever thought he had nothing to offer. He has grown over the years; you see it in the way he speaks, his manners, body language.
He’s definitely matured, though you still catch glimpses of the old, naive Jungkook sometimes when he smiles. Like now, as he stands across the room, with champagne is his hand, his eyes dart around till they land on yours. Your breath catches in your throat when he walks over, looking handsome in a button down shirt.
“All good?” You ask, and he heaves out a satisfied breath.
“Yeah.” He grins, and you see it again, the familiar Jungkook you knew. “I’m happy you’re here.”
Your heart melts at his sudden confession. Jungkook leans in, stealing a quick kiss with his soft lips to yours. The first actual kiss since you’ve reunited, and you can tell even he was flustered by his sudden act.
“I’m happy to be here.” You say, “with you.”
–
“Things are just a little awkward.” You admit to Hana, sitting in the cafeteria of her office building.
“You’ve just been separated too long,” she munches on her food, “it’s normal, isn’t it?”
“Is this how people doing long distance feel?”
She scoffs, giving you a look. “I wouldn’t even call it long distance. You were literally no contact for a good period of time. You didn’t even get to see each other.”
“I know–”
“And then bam he comes back with tattoos all over his arm, and all muscle-ly, with long hair– what?”
You laugh at the way she describes him with so much horror on her face. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s different, that’s all I’m saying.” She raises her palms.
A smug smile creeps its way to your face. “I like it.”
“Ew. Stop ovulating all over my salad.” Shifting her bowl closer, you slap her arm and shush her. “Anyways, what are you gonna do about Japan? Have you decided?”
–
“I don’t know.” Jungkook grumbles, leaning against Jimin’s desk, watching him measure some fabric. “I don’t want to stop her from doing what she wants, she’s been doing that for the last six years.”
“Exactly.” Jimin says, hooking the measuring tape over his shoulders and tapping Jungkook’s head with his pen. “Don’t hold her back.”
“So I just let her go?” Jungkook asks, “I don’t want to do that either.”
“Might be good, maybe then you’ll know how it feels to be abandoned.”
“Hey,” Jungkook frowns, “I didn’t abandon her…not intentionally at least…”
“Oh shut up.” Jimin scowls. “You were on holiday in Italy while she was rotting her life away waiting for you.”
Jungkook raises a brow, “Are you just mad I went to Italy without you?”
“Yes.”
–
3 weeks later
Absentmindedly walking down the street after lunch with Jimin, you drop by to see Mdm Lee who greets you as warmly as ever. As soon as she sets her eyes on you, she touches your arm gently.
“You took too long.” She says, “I sold it.”
“Oh that’s fine!” You reassure her, looking at some of her newer items.
She stares at you for a while, a smile gradually growing on her face. “It was a young man.” She says almost proudly.
You raise your brows.
“Very handsome young man. Says it’s for his girlfriend.” She looks into the distance, smiling as she recalls the sale. “I was going to sell it of course but…he convinced me.”
“Guess it wasn’t meant to be after all.” You tease, and she simply hums, a glint of mischief in her eyes.
She then waves at you, beckoning you to follow her inside, excitement in her ways. When you do, she leads you to a box which opens up to a beautiful antique tea set. “Thought you might want to see this. Vintage set, direct from Japan.”
“Japan huh?”
Scoffing at the coincidence, you can only consider this a reminder from the universe.
The deadline to confirm your interest is coming up in two days. While you’d previously decided to take up the offer, you can’t help but to wonder where Jungkook would fit in all of this. Yes, this would be a great opportunity for you. But you’ve also been waiting years for him to be back, only to leave for months on end?
Avoiding the topic altogether, so as not to distract him from his new studio, you realise now that maybe a conversation is due.
As you walk up the street to your building, you spot Jungkook standing outside, leaning against the wall. The image brings you flashbacks of when he would pick you up late at night on his bike, and you smile like an idiot when he spots you.
“Why are you out here?” You ask. He has the spare key to your place.
He grins, hand looking for yours. “Can I take you out tonight?”
“Oh.” Your hands start to clam up, feeling butterflies in your tummy. “Okay. Yes.”
Jungkook plants a kiss on your forehead before leaving, saying he’ll send a car for you.
Heart beating faster than usual, your eyes scan the selection of clothes in your wardrobe, fretting over what to wear. With Hana on video call on your nightstand, you hold up a bunch of dresses you’ve left to collect dust over the years.
You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard but at the same time not like you don’t care at all. In the end, you opt for a sleek looking navy blue dress; spaghetti straps, nice and flowy but also hugs all the right places. Hana approves it, and you throw it on your bed before hopping into the shower with 1.5 hours to go.
A car waits for you at the specific time Jungkook told you to be down. It takes you through the city towards a route you recognise, one you’ve practically memorised. The beach comes into view and up ahead, you spot Jungkook, waiting by the drop off. Your heart practically leaps when you see him.
As you thank the driver and exit when he opens the door for you, extending a hand, you feel the nervousness bubbling inside you as if it were your first date with him. Eyes roaming down your outfit, he gets lost in your eyes for a beat before snapping himself back. “You look so beautiful.”
“You too.” You reply without thinking, “I mean–”
“I am quite beautiful.” He grins, allowing you to hook your arm around his.
Thankfully, Jungkook had made a reservation, so you were directed past the queue. When it opened a year ago, you had made a note to try it out, but never got to it. Jungkook, upon returning weeks ago, had started looking for a nice place when he stumbled upon this one. It was almost too perfect.
The table you were assigned was one of the nicer ones, right by the view of the beach, where it also extends into a small section down some steps for people to dance, a live band playing.
“Kinda nervous,” you admit, conscious of your environment, “haven’t done this in a while.”
Jungkook raises his brow. “Really? No dates in six years?”
“Nope. Was waiting for the right one to ask me.” He smiles at your response. “What about you?”
“Oh tons.” He says, brows furrowing. “All with Jaemin though.”
Chuckling, a bit of your drink spills when you bring it to your mouth.
Jungkook can’t help but to stare, taking in your features and ingraining it into his memory. Before you were pretty, but now, he would describe you as stunning. He could swear a bunch of heads turned as you walked in earlier, rightfully so. Conscious of his gaze, you tuck your hair behind your ears.
Realising this, Jungkook slides his hand across and offers his palm. Your hand instinctively finds his, and his thumb runs along the back of your hand. “Thank you, for waiting all this time.”
You think you see his eyes gloss a little, but he quickly blinks them away. “We made a promise, didn’t we?”
Jungkook nods, but then shrugs, shoulders deflating. “I might’ve broken some promises…”
“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.” You pretend to think.
He leans in, whispering. “Definitely owe you a couple of letters.”
“Right,” you snap your fingers, “I knew I was missing a few.”
Breaking into giggles, the tension between you slowly seeps away. Before it felt like there was a barrier separating you, like speaking through a closed door. Now, the door’s open. And he’s stepped inside, holding his hand out to you.
“Believe me, your letters meant everything to me.” He tries to explain, “But after a while I just felt so overwhelmed and maybe a little left out. It’s like watching you guys thrive while I was just in the audience. Plus with all the restrictions I couldn’t tell you a lot of stuff that went down and it got harder and harder to actually have anything to write.”
“I’m really sorry.” You squeeze his hand. “I hate that it made you feel like that.”
“No it’s fine.” Jungkook says, then catches himself and laughs, “Well clearly it wasn’t fine but– I’m just glad we can talk about it now.”
“And just in case you forget. Because you always do. You can talk to me about anything.” You emphasise, “I’m here for you.”
Jungkook's chest feels lighter, like a harsh pressure's been lifted. How easily you have that effect on him.
“The last letter you wrote is my favourite.” He suddenly confesses. “No reason in particular, but to think you wrote that knowing you wouldn't get a response, and that too, written so beautifully, showed me so much kindness. It’s just the essence of who you are and reminds me of why I love you so much.”
His thoughts leave you speechless. “Jungkook…”
He grins, looking at your hands when he gets embarrassed.
The food arrives a minute later, cutting the moment short. As you dig into the meal, Jungkook takes the opportunity to finally be able to tell you what went on while he was away.
You found out he worked an office job as a data analyst, which he hated terribly because of how mundane it was. He's learned to cook actual dishes now and can't wait to make a meal for you. He learnt to tattoo over there but because it was under a fake identity, he had to re-do the certification when he came back.
His enthusiasm shows, having waited so long to finally be able to talk about it. Of course, you were the only one he ever wanted to talk to. As you take turns sharing, you giving Jungkook a rundown of what he’d missed since the last letter, the rest of dinner breezes by. And without realising, two hours have gone.
Soon, seats were emptying and the crowd had slowed down. The loud conversations over the music from other tables have mellowed down into a soft buzz.
Once your meals are done, and the waiter's removed your finished desserts, the two of you sit in comfortable silence for a minute, listening to the live band.
Your eyes follow the couples dancing in the open area, existing in their own little worlds, moving to their own rhythm.
“Shall we?” Jungkook looks at them, then to you, raising his brows.
He didn’t have to ask twice. Hand in his, Jungkook leads you to an empty spot, resting your arms around his neck while his goes around your waist. The band plays a slow beat as you sway in his arms, looking up at him, admiring his features.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” He asks.
Your laugh reverberates against him. “You look very handsome yourself.”
“Do I?” A cheeky grin looks back at you.
Jungkook has always been good-looking, no doubt about that. But it seems like time is only working to his advantage. Because he’s even more attractive than before. While a bit of his boyish charm remains, he’s much manlier now, and you’re not complaining.
Your eyes trail over his now rolled up sleeves and undone top button. His hair, which you’re jealous of, curls slightly at the ends, falling over the front of his face till you brush them aside, tucking the strands behind his ear, something you’ve grown to like doing he realises.
“Really feeling the hair huh?”
You nod, “Very sexy.”
His eyes widen in surprise at your bold comment, after weeks of hiding behind shy smiles. Chewing your bottom lip as you tear your eyes away before your cheeks burn any more than they already are, Jungkook simply chuckles at your reaction.
“Things have been awkward between us haven’t they?” Jungkook comments, then laughs at himself. “Sorry. It’s just been too long since I had someone to be affectionate with.”
“Is that why you don’t kiss me in the mornings anymore?” He flinches his head back in surprise. Jungkook hadn’t realised that it bothered you. At his reaction, you shake your head, as if saying it’s not that big of a deal. “It’s just that you used to hug me or…something.”
“Oh baby,” he kisses your forehead, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” You shrug it off but he sees right through you. “I thought maybe you just…felt weird being around me again– which is fair, I get it. We’ve only been together again for a couple of weeks.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to pressure you!” You whine. He loves it. “Plus you’re always running to the bathroom before I can even open my mouth.”
“Wait, you think I sprint to the toilet every time because I feel weird around you?” Jungkook asks with an amused grin. You nod. “Baby, I do that because I get hard every morning and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Heat creeps up your neck and all the way to your face. Jungkook chuckles when you try to fit the upturn of the corners of your lips. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He laughs when you try to avert your gaze. “Doesn’t help when you have your ass cheeks hanging out of your shorts while you make tea.”
You’re starting to sweat now, fanning yourself with your hands. “Didn’t think you noticed.”
“I definitely noticed.” Jungkook tilts his head, lowering his eyes to meet yours.
“Well okay then.” You fight a smile till he starts laughing, making you break.
Jungkook sighs, letting your head rest on his chest. “Don’t take it the wrong way, sometimes I genuinely get surprised when someone else is within reach, especially when that someone is you.”
“It’s alright, took me a while too.” Admittedly, still getting butterflies when your fingers brush. “Is it still awkward for you now?”
You don’t even realise what you do to him when you tilt your head like that, piercing his soul with your entrancing eyes. With a bat of your eyelashes, you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.
Pulling himself together, Jungkook’s fingers move over your waist, holding you tight like you would disappear if he didn’t. The move makes your heart flutter. “Now, it’s comfortable.”
Relieved, you let your body relax against his, slipping your arms under his. “Good.”
You stay that way for a moment, letting your bodies sway with the music.
“I've missed this,” he says, and you raise your brows in question, “having you in my arms.”
Insides fluttering, Jungkook can't seem to tear his eyes away from yours.
“And I’ve missed you.”
Your words have a certain poignant to it, behind your confession holding months and years of repressed emotions. Like you’ve held it back for as long as you could. He holds you closer. “I’m really happy you’re back, Jungkook. I’m happy you’re here with me.”
Against his chest, you hear him swallow, heart beating a faster rhythm.
“Can I ask you something?’ You ask quietly and he hums. “Did you really think I was happy before you showed up?
“It seemed that way.” He admits, recalling the times he waited in hiding. “Every time I saw you, you were smiling or laughing with the others.”
You’re quiet. If only he knew what it took to keep that up in those times.
“Besides that, I loved those moments when you were looking at the moon, you looked so serene and content.”
You pull away, brows furrowing, “You were watching me then too?”
“Shh,” he hushes, pulling you back into his chest and you giggle, “desperate times.”
“So desperate you couldn’t have just knocked on my door.” You land a soft punch to his chest and he chuckles. Then you’re quiet again. “I did have happy moments, but I can’t say that I was happy. I think I was just living. Existing. Counting down to the days I’d see you again.”
“Do you hate me for it?”
“No. I told you, you’ve the right to feel however you feel.” You nuzzle closer, “We’ve lost the last six years. I just want to appreciate that we can be together now.”
“Me too.”
A bigger issue looms over the two of you. With a big sigh, knowing you can’t escape it much longer, you make up your mind at this moment, pulling back to look at him. Gently caressing the side of his face as he smiles fondly.
“About the Japan offer…” You start, and the swaying slows down as Jungkook focuses.
“I’ve decided,” you nod, eyes avoiding contact, “I’m going to tu–”
“I’m coming with you.” Jungkook says firmly.
You take a while to process what he’s said, and what it means for you. Jungkook watches the mixture of reactions that spread across your features in the next moments, from surprised, to confused, to happy, and confused again. Had you even heard that right? “What?”
“To Japan.” He tilts his head, smiling. “I’ll go with you. Like you said, we’ve lost so much time. And I don’t want to waste any more.”
“But I–”
“I can’t live without you.” Jungkook says softly, pressing his forehead to yours. “Not anymore. And I also can’t let you miss out on a great opportunity because of me.”
“But what about the studio?” Concern etched over your face, thinking about all he’s done in the last month. You wouldn’t want it to go to waste.
“I’ve had a chat with the team. They can handle the studio without me, I’ll work remotely.” Jungkook says, “I can also fly back for a couple of days each month to check in and maybe take a few clients.”
At a loss for words, you simply gape up at him.
You were ready to turn it down. More opportunities would come your way in future, but time with Jungkook had always been brief. Each time you think all’s well, something comes along to yank the rug from under your feet. This time round, you wanted it to last.
Showing no signs of backing down, or mischief, he waits for your response. You haven’t actually thought about asking him to come along, knowing it would be too big of an ask for someone who’s just returned, and finally settled down.
Jungkook angles his head down to meet your gaze. “That is, if you want me there with you.”
The corners of your lips gradually lift up into a smile, and Jungkook cups your face as he notices the tears collecting on your lower lids. “I would love nothing more.”
Your lips find each other, and tingles spread through your body as your lips mold into one another. It’s like the cuffs holding you down have snapped open, setting yourself free, as light as a feather. Your heart is full, overflowing with everything you’ve pent up till this moment, to have Jungkook in your arms again.
That night, the moon gleams with a glow around it, as your bodies melt into each other, becoming one. Laboured breaths and whispers of sweet nothings, your insides burn with passion, and you see it reflected in Jungkook’s eyes which pierce into yours.
Arms looped around his, legs clinging round his waist, Jungkook’s hips roll with calculated restraint. Hair sticks to his forehead and you clear them away from his face. Your nails trace down the length of his arm, over his tattoos, and you spot his old gang tattoo now blended in with the rest, surrounded by flowers.
Jungkook falters when your eyes flicker back to him, consumed by the ecstasy on your face, and the whimpers that leave your lips. You suck in a breath when the burning of your insides reaches a point of no return. Jungkook captures your lips into a kiss, unveiling every bit of affection he’s sealed inside him for years. For every minute, every second, every moment you’ve occupied his mind.
Your moans get louder, and his thrusts get deeper. Reaching a point of no return, your arms desperately draw him in close, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, forehead resting against each other. You can barely register the emotions pulsing through your body, everything inside you released all at once, and the moment your eyes lock, Jungkook notices a stray tear dripping down the side of your face.
Bodies in sync, chasing after the same high, Jungkook’s own control gets the better of him as his vision starts to blur.
“I love you Y/N.” He blurts out, voice gentle despite his losing battle, “I love you so much.”
With a final cry, and his lips crashing into yours with a flaming desire, Jungkook musters up every bit of strength left.
Snap.
You come undone beneath him, thighs trembling and convulsing around him, enough to make him cum just seconds later, filling you up as a slew of moans and groans fill the room. Legs still shaking against him, your nails dig into his back as he uses every last bit of his energy to milk every last drop.
With a grunt, he collapses on you, breathing rapidly, sweat dripping down your bodies.
It takes a while for either of you to regain your composure. Jungkook shifts above you, wiping the tear stains on your face with his thumb, delicately kissing your cheeks. Smiling up at him with your face flushed, lips swollen, you whisper,
“I love you too.”
—
6 months later
Wiggling your toes in excitement as you hear the welcome home announcement on the flight, you look out the window to see the airport coming into view. With Jungkook by your side, you cruise through security and baggage claim, getting into the first taxi you see, and arriving back earlier than expected.
The apartment was kept in mint condition; no surprise there since you left it in the hands of Hana. You get your luggages through the door while Jungkook carries his duffel bag and the cats in each hand.
“You’re shaking her carrier too much.” You comment.
“I’m barely moving it! Jiji’s not even complaining.” Jungkook stares at Cream through the holes. “Stop whining. And you need to stop spoiling her.”
“She’s my baby.”
“And yet she loves me more.”
Jungkook puts the carrier down, and unlocks it for the cats, who sniff their surroundings before exploring outside, recognising the familiar scent of the apartment. Freeing yourselves from your coats and bags, you drop down on the couch, slipping into Jungkook’s arms when he joins you. You sigh.
“Feels good to be home.”
Kissing the top of your head, Jungkook hums in agreement. The last six months have been nothing short of amazing, with the success of the art studio in Japan and Jungkook’s tattoo studio here taking off.
You and Jungkook have now officially been living together for six months.
Living together started off a little fiddly, especially in a foreign country, but eventually you found a good flow. Though you tell him not to, Jungkook took it upon himself to try and make up for six years in six months, regularly planning dates, going on weekend trips and giving you lots and lots of kisses.
“Wanna shower together?” He asks and you laugh, expecting him to suggest that.
Of course, you can never say no to a good time.
–
“Welcome back lovebirds!” Jimin throws his hands in the air, confetti falling all around him. And only him.
Right behind him, Hana, Hoseok and Namjoon welcome you like normal people. They had organised a nice get-together at Hoseok’s to celebrate, with a little surprise in store which you were told of in advance.
Over dinner, Jungkook and you shared your experience in Japan, answering the million questions thrown at you. Thankfully, Jungkook handled most of them, pleasantly surprising the others when he pulled up a list of places he had brought you to and the itinerary he planned.
“Not bad,” Namjoon nods, “I’m gonna need a copy of that please.”
Over drinks, the boys get to talking amongst themselves while Hana drags you over to Hoseok’s couch, getting comfy.
“So how’s everything?”
Your updates with Hana were often, but there just wasn’t enough time to tell her everything. Now that you had Jungkook with you, most of your free time was with him.
“Really good,” you shrug on one side, “studio’s doing well so management’s really happy–”
“No not that!” She laughs, “You were always gonna kill it. I mean with Jungkook.”
“Oh.” Suddenly feeling heat creeping up your face, you glance over at him before giving her a nod with a coy smile. “It’s been amazing.”
“Look at you going all shy! Oh my god!” She shoves you playfully and you hide your face with one of the cushions as she pries it away from you.
You slap her on the arm, smiling innocently at the boys when they glance at the commotion. “Shut up. I’m just saying he takes really good care of me.”
Her eyes go round, “Makes sense. You are glowing.”
“Not like that.” You say through gritted teeth, and with a pinch.
“We need to have a girls’ night,” she whispers, “tell me everything.”
“You are disgusting.” Whispering back, you squeeze her thigh and she yelps. “I mean…he makes me really happy.”
Hana abandons her playful smirk for a genuine smile. She didn't actually need to ask, it's evident how happy you are; your face is brighter, your hair curlier, and you just light up the room as you walk in. But to hear you actually say it makes her unexpectedly emotional.
“Heard your tattoo studio’s doing really well nowadays.” Namjoon comments, pulling up their instagram page. “Almost at a million followers.”
Jungkook proudly nods, grinning like a child. “Still keeping tabs on me I see.”
“Maybe if you actually replied to my texts, I wouldn’t have to.” He retorts.
“Ugh,” Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Sorry I didn’t tell you I was back. I was a little preoccupied then.”
Hoseok steps in, surprising Namjoon when he defends Jungkook. “To be fair, he did have a lot going on.”
“Wow, look at you two.” Jimin tilts his head, admiring them fondly. “On the same side for once.”
Hoseok hooks an arm around Jungkook’s neck lovingly, having to inch a little higher to reach him. Next to him, Jungkook curiously eyes this odd behaviour. Maybe one two many glasses of wine, he supposes. At the lack of response, Hoseok removes his arm, and Jungkook shuffles away, choosing to sit with you and Hana instead.
“Dude, calm down.” Namjoon stresses, and Hoseok runs a hand over his face.
“Yeah what’s with the weird drunk vibes?” Jimin whispers.
He groans, “I can’t help it. I’m nervous. What if he kills me? He won’t, will he?”
Both Hoseok and Jimin turn to Namjoon as if he had all the answers. After all, he’s safe as long as Namjoon is here, right? Namjoon looks at either of them. “Hm? Oh yeah he definitely might, sorry.”
Hoseok’s stomach drops and at the same moment, the doorbell rings. Jimin sprints to the door, like he’s been waiting for this all night, welcoming the guest with his sweet voice.
“Jungkook!”
Head snapping from the couch, having paid no mind to the guest, Jungkook barely registers who it is before she zooms across the room, plastering herself against him. Rooted to his spot, Jungkook looks down at the woman with her arms around him.
It isn’t until she lifts her head, showcasing her beautiful smile, that Jungkook finally recognises her. “Mia?”
“Yes!” She giggles, going in for another hug. This time he reciprocates, wrapping his arms around her, but quickly pulling away to have a better look.
A young lady now staring back at him, contrasts the version of her in his memory. She looks polished and sophisticated; clean, tidy clothes, nails done, flawless makeup with simple jewelry around her neck. No longer the girl he knew living in survival mode. “I can’t believe it’s you.”
“I can’t believe it’s you.” She beams, blinking away the tears in her eyes. She’d promised she wouldn’t cry. “Why didn’t you tell me you were back?”
“I–” Jungkook stutters, “didn’t know you were still here.”
He figured she would’ve left the city to find a safer place for herself.
“I heard about it from them, but by the time I came back from Europe you already left for Japan.”
“That was a while ago.” Jungkook’s brows scrunch together. “You've been here the whole time? What are you doing now? Why were you in Europe? You look so…grown up.”
“I’m doing my master’s now.”
“She was on an exchange trip the first time you came back.” Hana says, as Mia spots you on the couch and trots over for a hug. “Missed you guys by a week.”
“I was so gutted.” She admits, squeezing your hand. “But I heard you guys are back for good now?”
“That’s the plan.” You nod and she beams.
Jungkook’s eyes trail her whenever she goes. “Master’s?” He mutters under his breath. “That’s amazing.”
Mia shrugs like it’s no big deal, but clearly thrilled at the compliment.
They spend the half an hour chatting, Jungkook listening to her talk about school and the job that’s funding her master’s. He can’t stop smiling, eventually tearing at the end, seeing how she’s done well for herself. Jungkook averts his gaze, looking out the window to hide the tears, but Mia pulls him back, wiping them away with her sleeve.
As they walk back to where everyone had gathered, Mia announces her leave.
“I’d love to stay longer but I do have work to do.” She says, giving Jungkook a long hug. He can’t even be mad, knowing years ago she’d be spending time bartending instead.
“But let’s meet again soon. We have lots to catch up on.” Jungkook nods in agreement and she sucks in a breath. “I still have loads to tell you.”
Heartened, Jungkook releases a contented sigh. As she stands there in front of him, Mia then extends her hand towards where the boys are, wiggling her fingers.
It’s pin-drop silence across the room as Hoseok shuffles over with heavy steps, slipping his fingers between hers. As curious as everyone is, their gazes averted, feigning interest on the dating show playing.
When you show up next to him, gently snaking your arm around his, Jungkook’s smile gradually morphs into confusion, brows scrunching at their hands intertwined. Sharp eyes float back to the two of them, Mia staring back expectantly for a response.
Jungkook chuckles, “No.”
–
Taking the afternoon off, Jungkook ends his last appointment of the day just before eleven. With the last of his tools cleaned and sterilised, he grabs what he needs and finds you in the waiting area. You smile when he appears, saying goodbye to the staff and lacing your fingers together as you leave.
An hour away, Namjoon buries himself in a book, sitting in a diner ten minutes from the outskirts of the city. A carefully chosen location. He’s early of course, and puts his book down at the exact time he suggested, waving as the two of you come through the door.
A quick hug, and you slide into the booth with Jungkook right behind you.
“This brings back memories.” You cross your arms on the table, grinning from ear to ear..
Namjoon squints, “Good or bad ones?”
“Good–”
“Bad–” Jungkook stares at you, “Weren’t we constantly on edge back then?”
He has a point, you shrug. “But I like being around you two. The terrific trio.” You whisper the last part to yourself, flipping through the menu.
Namjoon chuckles, “Terrific trio?”
“She’s been saying that all morning,” Jungkook shakes his head, “ignore and it’ll go away.”
Jungkook flinches when you pinch his side, laughing as he swings his arm around you and tug you closer to land a kiss on your cheek. Namjoon’s gaze softened, “Good to see some things never change.”
Jungkook’s smile is contagious and you can’t help but to mirror him.
“Anyways, thanks for coming down.” Book carelessly shoved into his bag, Namjoon pulls out an ipad. “Just thought I’d check in and see how things are.”
“Everything’s good.” You find it redundant. Namjoon gets major updates from Hoseok anyways.
Jungkook’s eyes float over to the ipad screen, “Yeah, and I’m pretty much settled now.”
“That’s good. Any suspicious happenings lately?” Namjoon points the question to you playfully, “Stalkers, maybe?”
“Only this one.” You point your thumb to your left. “Follows me everywhere.”
Namjoon leans in, “Ignore and it’ll go away.”
The two of you cackle, sharing a high-five across the table as Jungkook watches with mild disgust. You two were always insufferable together.
“You knew all along though, didn’t you?”
Namjoon shrugs, “Only because of Hoseok. And when I saw the CCTV footage I thought, that person looks oddly familiar.”
Jungkook scowls, “He really doesn’t mind his own business, does he?”
“Never.” Namjoon adds, scrolling on his device. “So just to be safe, we’ve kept monitoring for potential threats. Scanned some of our own, like Evan, Mia. They did know you from before so it’s only protocol, and they’re both cleared. Is there anyone you guys particularly worried about?”
Jungkook taps the pads of his fingers against the table, clearing his throat before asking, “What about…those locked up? Are they…”
“Good question.” Namjoon shifts his glasses. “We’ve segregated them as much as we could to avoid any fraternising. Different facilities, different cities. Don’t worry, the big names in there aren’t aware of your involvement. Not Barome, not even Kyun.”
“Oh right.” Jungkook swallows. “I forgot about him.”
Namjoon nods. “Yeah, I’d say getting caught early saved his life. He could’ve ended up dead like the rest. He’s not been fed any info about the case; all he knows is that everyone’s either locked up, in rehab, or dead. Including you. Right?”
Jungkook stiffens, lowering his gaze.
“Yes.” His voice is soft and low, “I was in prison for a couple of years, got out through a rehab program.”
You slip your hand into his under the table. He told you about this once in Japan. That was the official cover story in case people he once knew started asking questions.
Namjoon looks at his screen like it pains him as well.
“Don’t worry.” Namjoon says softly. “As far as they’re concerned, let’s just say they’ve got bigger issues to deal with. Kyun’s being moved to a separate facility in a different state where he’s wanted. Same with Barome – that man is wanted everywhere; multiple states, countries. Solitary confinement and probably life sentence.”
“Okay.” Jungkook heaves out. “That’s good.”
Jungkook squeezes your hand and you realise how much this still affects him. Occasionally, it does show in his apprehension to meeting new people, or constantly looking over his shoulder in shady areas.
“There is one person though, that slipped through the cracks.” Namjoon sets the device down. “Min Yoongi.
Your brows knit together. “Who?”
“We lost him in the crowd and he successfully escaped that night.” He taps his ipad, pulling up an image and zooming in on the person in question. “Never to be seen again. At least till a week after the incident, right here in this diner.”
The device slides over to your side of the table and you see the blurry capture. In one you can only see the top of his head, cap hiding his features. But in the second picture, he stares right into the camera, sharp and defiant.
Suga.
“Never showed up in any of our searches ever since.” Namjoon breaks into a smile. “Pretty impressive.”
Jungkook keeps his eyes on the picture, then chuckles. “Yeah, he’s good at that.”
The tension rises as Namjoon locks in on Jungkook, taking the device back. “Do you know where he is?”
“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “That night was the last time I saw him.”
Namjoon maintains his gaze.
Jungkook tilts his head, corners of his lips rising. “We’ve been through this. I don’t know where he is, and I don’t know what happened to him.”
Raising a brow with a downturned smile at the response, Namjoon’s attention flickers over to you. “Y/N?”
Times like this, you’re reminded that Namjoon was always first and foremost a detective. Masking the thumping of your heart with feigned confidence, you shake your head and maintain eye contact till he tears away first. Sighing, Namjoon turns back to the device, swiping the tabs away. Jungkook gives your hand a gentle squeeze.
You never told him about the incident. Though every time you go for a grocery run, it crosses your mind. Recalling how their relationship ended, and the guilt which ate him away, you weren’t sure bringing it up would be a good idea.
Sucking in a breath of defeat, Namjoon puts his ipad away and the tension slowly dissipates. “You know, the statute of limitations has passed. Even if I do find out where he is…there’s no grounds for arrest.”
The two of you remain silent. Jungkook shrugs, and Namjoon stares at him long enough till a knowing smile grows.
“Alright.” He sighs, no sign of annoyance on his face. “Thought it was worth a shot. Kills me when I can’t solve something. Thought I’d get one last closure before I transfer.”
“Give it up.” Jungkook teases, going back to the menu. “It’s not that he’s not in your radar. You’re in his radar, and when it comes to surviving, he’s the expert here.”
Agreeing, Namjoon nods to Jungkook. “And he taught you well.”
A melancholic look flashes over Jungkook’s face. “Yeah. He did.”
“Offer to join the team is still on the table by the way.” Namjoon wiggles his brows. “Jaemin would love to be your mentor.”
“Oh I’m sure he’d be thrilled.” Jungkook chuckles, signalling for the waiter.
As they get the orders in, Jungkook doing it for you, your attention detaches from them, staring out the window. The supermarket incident replays in your head. You never did see them again after that. Perhaps Suga thought you’d tell on him. After all, if he still thinks Jungkook betrayed everyone, he’d think no less of you.
If it’s true what Namjoon said about the statute of limitations, you hope he knows that he can come back. Not just him. Jihoon too, and his mother.
Flinching when Jungkook’s elbow nudges against yours, he frowns, leaning in, “What’s wrong?”
You brush him off with a smile, pulling yourself together. “Nothing.”
He watches you closely as Namjoon goes over his order. Placing your hand on his, you reassure him you’re fine with a nod.
“Okay.” Namjoon slaps his palms together as soon as the waiter’s gone. “Now, for the real reason you’re here.”
“Real reason?” You raise your brows, Jungkook sharing a concerned look with you.
“Yes. Hoseok.”
–
Birds perched on nearby trees chirp cheerily. Leaves shuffle to the gentle breeze. White, fluffy clouds block the burning rays of the sun from kissing your skin, casting a shadow over the earth. In the distance, a family of six gather around a loved one, soft murmurs of their conversations reaching you. Further away, the sounds of children laughing and playing can be heard, taunting the lines of life and death.
Sitting on the ground with your knees pulled against your chest, you watch Jungkook tidy the space around his sister’s grave. Forget-me-nots grow beautifully at the front of her tombstone, something that had him stopping in his tracks the moment he laid eyes on them.
“Is this you?” He asked, noting the lack of reaction on your part.
Nodding, your finger gently grazed against the flowers. “Planted them the last time I was here. Hope you don’t mind.”
Touched, he whispered a thank you, eyes welling up. “They’re beautiful.”
Jungkook takes his time. Cleaning dirt off the stone, plucking overgrown weed and just sitting there in her presence. He tells her what happened that night seven years ago, where he’s been all this while, and how life is now; his new studio, moving in with you, and the tattoo he got in her honour.
When he’s done, he comes over and joins you, knee bumping against yours. “Thanks for visiting her while I was gone.”
You offer a smile. “I knew she’d miss you. I did tell her about you ghosting me though.”
Jungkook groans. “Forgot about your snitching tendencies.”
You stick your tongue out at him, and he threatens to eat your face if you don’t put it away. Giggling as he squishes your face on either side, he hushes you, then steals a kiss anyway. When he lets go, you drop your body against his, relaxing with a sigh. It’s quiet for a beat.
“When I was here a few years ago, there was a fresh bouquet.”
He glances down at you, “Really?”
You nod. “Do you think…your family–”
“It doesn’t matter.” He fidgets with your hands, putting your palms together. “I don’t care what they do. However they feel now about what’s happened - guilty or not - is none of my business.”
Adjusting yourself to face him, resting your head against his knees instead, you look up at him. “Do you think you’d ever want to reconcile with them?”
Jungkook lightly brushes the stray hairs from your face, tracing a finger over the side as he thinks. “No. I left them a long time ago. And I want it to stay that way - in the past.”
Another moment passes.
“Does that bother you?” He asks.
“Course not.” You smile, lifting your head. “Do what feels right to you.”
“You’re the only family I have now.” He says softly, bringing you in for a kiss with a finger under your chin.
“Don’t forget your extended family,” you comment against his lips. “Mia and your brother-in-law Hoseok.”
Jungkook groans and rolls his eyes at the mention of Hoseok. He can’t comprehend how that man remains as annoying as he was ten years ago.
But while it’s all jokes, on the topic of family, you notice the longing in his eyes as they glaze over. And you think you know why.
“Speaking of,” you get nervous when he turns to you, “remember the talk with Namjoon?”
Jungkook nods.
Your throat goes dry. “I saw him. Suga.”
–
It’s no longer surprising when Jungkook organises an impromptu trip. Granted, he never tells you anything anyways, and you end up scrambling to find a cover for your weekend classes. Thankfully Nari was available this week, now that your art studio and learning centre have entered into a partnership.
“It’s all fun and games till I get a warning letter.” You babble as you get your shoes on.
Though you shouldn’t really complain. Not when he’s done the packing. Plus, you love these trips.
“For what? Having a life?” Jungkook held the door open, “You’re too hot to be cooped up in that studio all week baby.”
Your lips curve up at the sides, ignoring his remark.
Intertwined hangs swinging in between you, Jungkook listens to your carefree humming as he leads the way a step ahead. You’ve gotten used to letting him take you to the destination, letting your brain shut off during the journey.
A bus ride takes you to a town further away from the main city area, with lesser traffic and people, and no high-rise buildings in sight.
A short walk away you find yourselves at the entrance of a repair yard. Tons of old cars parked in rows waiting to be picked apart, while on your left, heaps and mountains of scraps and used parts that they would presumably end up in.
“I trust you but I don’t think we’ll find our airbnb here babe.” You say worriedly and he scoffs out a chuckle.
Distracted by your surroundings, Jungkook tugs on your arm when your steps slow down. His steps are much quicker, almost impatient, or excited. A large industrial building sits at the end of the path where several workers get to fixing vehicles under the shade. They look up at your arrival.
Jungkook seems to recognise one of them, probably the one in charge, and with a nod, he calls out to some of his men at the back.
“Barely recognised you.” He extends his hand after a good wipe on his shirt.
Jungkook tears away from you for a quick hug and exchanging niceties. The man gives you a nod before turning back to Jungkook. “How’s my baby?” Jungkook asks.
“Never better.” He says with a twist of his head. Behind him, one of the staff steers out a familiar bike towards the three of you. “Took great care of her.”
Now you see what he was so excited about. Jungkook places his palm over his old bike, eyes sparkling as he surveys it.
“For a while I thought you were never coming back.” The man says. “Once you called, we had to do some servicing since it’s been a while. Upgraded the engine, washed, polished, done a test run on it. Good as new.”
“Perfect.” Jungkook offers his hand out for another half-hug. “Knew I could trust you.”
He reaches into one of his bag pockets and pulls out a giant wad of cash you didn’t know about. In fact it surprised you that he had that much just lying around in there. He hands the cash over, grabs a couple of helmets and says his thanks once more.
Without saying much, but with a silly smile on his face, Jungkook puts the helmet on for you like he used to. You stare at him.
“What?” He sees the questions floating all around you.
“We’re taking the bike on the trip?”
The last time you rode one was almost a decade ago, and you’re a little hesitant. But Jungkook reassures you it will be fine. With the bag on your back now, he waits for you to hop on, then ushers your hands to wrap around his middle.
Mindful of you, he goes slow at first. Only when he feels your tense body finally relax against him, he picks up the speed and makes it to the highway. “Hold on tight baby.”
The road keeps going and going, and you rest your head against his back. After about an hour, bare lands along the highway make way for greenery, lots of it. Entering a rural area, far away from the city, the road gets narrower and the forest on either side gets bigger. There’s something nostalgic about this, but you can’t quite place it yet.
Not until he takes an exit into a smaller road leading towards a secluded town, do the memories flash through your mind. There were minor changes like a new signboard, and more shops in the town centre.
Riding past all of that, he only stops at the end of the road further in. The smell of the Earth welcomes you, tension seeping from your body as you breathe in the fresh air. You hop off the bike and step closer.
“This place.” You mutter to yourself. “The safe house?”
You turn back to Jungkook, hearing the engine go off. Walking right up to you with a grin. “You remember.”
Gravel crunches under your shoes as you walk up the pathway. It’s just as you remember.
The houses are scattered within a circular space, no more than thirty, with ample space between each one, connected by a pathway passing by. Trees stand tall around the compound, protecting the small village. You remember the lake sitting behind the trees, where Jungkook and you made love.
You also remember the exact house Jungkook had brought you to. The first one of the lot.
So when Jungkook walks right past it, you fall behind. Scanning the area, now with a low fence around it, you notice toys scattered on the lawn. The windows are open, curtains dancing in the wind. It’s occupied.
Jungkook pulls you along, instead stopping in front of the next one, previously occupied by an elderly couple. You shoot him a look.
“They moved to be with their kids.”
“Oh.” You sigh in relief and he chuckles. “They’re renting it out?”
“They sold it.” Jungkook says as a matter of factly. “To me.”
“To who?”
He flashes the keys in front of your eyes and walks up to the door. Standing rooted in the front yard, you take in the entirety of this cozy little house. Full green bushes all around, a garden clearly well taken care of, wind chime tinkling over the porch where a two seater sofa sits. This in contrast to the forest behind, tall trees looming over, makes you feel so small.
The windows burst open and Jungkook leans out. “You just gonna stand there all day?”
You dart up the steps to the porch and pause at the door, taking in the interior. They had left behind their furniture and most of the furnishing. Homely, cozy, and clean, just as you imagined. “Wow.”
“I know,” Jungkook mutters, hands on hips as he inspects the place, “we’ll make it less old people and more us.”
You give him a blank stare. “I like how it looks.”
Jungkook laughs, shaking his head. “Of course you do.”
“This is exactly my style.”
He steps up to your side, snaking around your waist. “So, you like it?”
“I love it.” You nod.
But your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and he knows you too well to not notice the way your face drops immediately after. “What’s wrong baby?”
You’re careful, hand on his arm around you. “How did you afford all this? The bike, this house…”
Jungkook smiles when that’s all there is to it. “I did save up quite a bit while I was away, not like I was allowed to go out anyways.”
It makes sense. “Didn’t you invest all of that into the studio? What with the marketing, and promotions…”
“It was most of what I had, yeah.” He admits, resting on the arm of the couch and dragging you along, fitting in between his legs.
You’re serious now, “I hope you’re not doing this just because–”
Jungkook waits for you to finish.
Brows scrunched, gaze averted, “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, not even me.”
His hands find yours, wrapping around your fingers. He tilts his head to get you to look at him. “That’s not it at all.”
Seeing that you’re clearly upset, Jungkook sighs and pulls you onto his lap. “Then why are you using up everything you have? Not trying to control you or anything…it just seems unnecessary.”
Jungkook presses his lips together, but with a slight upturn to them. You watch curiously as he ruminates over something. It makes you nervous almost, like he’s about to divulge a secret.
“It’s not just the money I saved up over the last few years.” He begins, rubbing the back of your palm with his thumb. “Promise you won’t be mad?”
Your heart flips in your chest and you glare at him. “Jungkook.”
“It’s also the money I earned while I was working under Kim.” Jungkook admits, noting your reaction.
That doesn’t really click in your mind. Everything would have been surrendered to the authorities back then. “How?” Your voice is low and uneasy.
“I always take all my payments in cash, always. Only a percentage of it would go to my account, the rest, I put it in an investment with a friend.” He explains, “When things got serious, I knew there was no turning back so I took out all my money. And just before the first ambush at the warehouses, I’d already secured a safe place for it.”
“Where?” You look around. “Here?”
“More specifically…with someone.”
“Some– who?”
His eyes dart to the side, out the window where it’s suddenly gotten much livelier with the sounds of a child giggling and screaming. They flicker back to you with a smug look.
Outside, you spot a child holding hands with their parents, walking past the house you’re in and down the path to theirs. But then your attention diverts.
As you step on the porch, you pick up on the very voice you heard that day at the supermarket. Time slows down around you, like watching it unfold in a movie, staring laying eyes on the family now living in the old safe house. At the foot of the steps, you watch them quietly.
The baby you had once carried in your arms, running around the front yard, chasing after a little puppy. His father stands nearby, warning him not to get carried away. Suga. Hearing his voice, it’s unmistakable. Before you can say something, your mouth parts when someone else enters the picture, holding a fruit bowl in one hand, the other on her baby bump. She steps down carefully, Suga going over to give her a hand.
Jihoon impatiently reaches for the fruits, which Suga makes a grab for before running away. More laughing and screaming ensues. Bella laughs.
You must have been staring too harshly, because she turns as if on instinct. Your eyes meet and the instant recognition brings a smile to her face. Jungkook remains at the top of the stairs, leaning against the pillar with his arms crossed, a smile on his face.
She starts waving and you wave back.
“Bella?”
Jungkook nods, hopping off the porch to be by your side. “She was the perfect person. I knew I could trust her.”
Realising Bella’s now divided attention, Suga follows her line of sight. Much less receptive, you’re greeted with a blank stare. As you remember, he was good at that; making you feel unwelcome. But his gaze doesn’t linger, darting over to Jungkook. Ice cold.
Without so much of an acknowledgement, he walks back inside, calling for Jihoon to come along as Bella watches him leave.
Jungkook’s smile disappeared.
To have Bella sitting right in front of you now, urging you to dig into freshly cut fruit, arranged in a spiral in a mixture of colours, feels unreal. You can’t stop staring.
No wig, just her natural long brown hair. No fancy clothes, just a flowery sundress. Free from the heavy make-up, just her glowing bare features. She looks calm, and happy, as if the smile on her face is now permanent.
“You’re prettier now.” She says softly, touching your cheek.
Suddenly overcome with embarrassment, you breathe out a chuckle. “You’re glowing.”
It was the only thing that came to mind, and Jungkook spits out a laugh before catching himself. You punch the side of his leg.
Bella giggles. “How are you guys?”
“We’re good.” You nod. “Just came back from Japan. And you?”
“That sounds lovely!” Bella’s eyes light up. “I’m doing wonderful myself, thank you. How is everything back there?”
You wonder if she follows the news. Would she know about Barome? Or about how there’s a new mayor and an entire government shuffle? The housing area where she used to live is now getting an upgrade, funded by the new town council who promised greater benefits for the underprivileged.
“Lots on your mind?” She chuckles, shoving your knee playfully when you don’t respond.
You straighten up, pulling yourself together. “Sorry Bella.”
“Yubin.” She says. “I left Bella back there a long time ago.”
“Yubin.” She smiles when you repeat after her. “I like that name. It suits you.”
Yubin grins, shrugging at the comment.She sips on the juice which she herself had brought over, knowing your house would be empty. “No use for fake names anymore.”
Her eyes glaze over for a moment as she says it, not in a mournful way, more like sparing a thought for her past self. You watch her carefully. “What…happened to you? How did you end up here?”
Yubin’s eyes widen, and she looks at Jungkook. “You never told her?”
Jungkook rubs the back of his head. “Was waiting for the right time.”
She tuts, rolling her eyes and in that moment you see the old her. The one who would look out for you as much as she could. Yubin turns back to you with a smile, gathering her thoughts.
“Jungkook came clean to me about the whole operation before it all went down,” she starts, “I managed to get a head start; packed my things, grabbed my baby. The only problem was that I had nowhere to go. Even to lay low.”
Yubin turns to Jungkook, nodding.
“I knew nowhere would be safe for her, so I got her a ride to the station, and gave her directions that would lead her here.” Jungkook continues. “At the time it was too late to get her out of the country, she’d need a new passport, ID…plus we didn’t know how things were going to end up.”
“When I arrived, the elderly couple who lived here were already expecting me.” She chuckles. “They were so lovely!”
“A few days later, I dropped off the money.” Jungkook looks at Yubin, “Not just mine. Suga’s as well. I emptied out his account and left it all with Bel– Yubin.”
“And all I needed to do was wait.” She rests against the chair, “Yoongi showed up a week later, after the whole…”
Yubin looks at Jungkook with concern and he takes a deep breath. “I gambled on him showing up…there was a chance he wouldn’t after finding out I was the informant. He might’ve thought the safe house was exposed too.”
“But I got a hold of him.” Yubin smiles, almost bashfully. “He has a burner phone he uses when he’s laying low. Only Jungkook and I have the number. So I texted him a coded message to lead him here.”
You sit quietly, taking it all in. Despite knowing their relationship would never be the same again, Jungkook made sure his partner would be safe. Made sure Yubin could care for her child in a safe environment. All while risking everything he had and accepting the consequences.
He could very easily have run off with Suga. Hid it out here for the last seven years. But he’d made a choice and decided to see things through.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” You turn to him, face full of worry.
“There was too much going on.” He admits, shaking his head. “And even after, I knew Namjoon would be on him, didn’t want to burden you with that info.”
Your cold hand wraps around his, the glum expression on his face a testament to his struggle.
“You did good,” Yubin moves to the seat next to him, rubbing a soothing hand on his shoulder. “You saved me, Jihoon, and he’d deny it but you saved Yoongi too.”
Jungkook turns to her slowly. “Has he ever…mentioned anything?”
Yubin presses her lips together, shaking her head. “Give him time. He’ll come around.”
Perhaps Jungkook thought time would heal the wounds he caused. But he doesn’t try to fight it.
“Trust me, he’ll get over it.” Yubin gets him to face her, “ Hey look, it took him three years of living together for him to finally admit his feelings for me. That man is terrible at expressing himself.”
The thought of Yoongi coming to his senses and confessing is weird, and Yubin must have noticed the disgust on your face, breaking into laughter.
“He’s not so bad.”
“You’ve been saying that since forever.” You point out and she shrugs, giggling. Jungkook can’t help but to huff out a chuckle.
“Yoongi’s not for everyone. He’s picky with who he lets into his life,” she brushes Jungkook’s hair back lovingly, “and for most of his life you were the only one he cared for. One day, he’ll understand why you made the choices you did. Even if he doesn’t, I promise you, he will always have space for you in his heart.”
A lonesome tear trickles down the side of his face and Jungkook quickly wipes it away, pulling himself together. Yubin extends her arms and lets him lean into her for a hug. She watches the way Jungkook turns to you, chuckling as the tears are contagious, tears starting to well up in your own eyes. He presses a kiss to your forehead.
Yubin smiles warmly, “I’m glad everything worked out.”
“I’m sorry for everything.” You blurt out, catching a confused look from her. “I made it more complicated than it already was. Sorry…for all the trouble I caused.”
“Me too.” Jungkook slips his fingers between yours and turns to Yubin. “None of this would’ve happened if–”
“Everything turned out as well as it possibly could.” Yubin maintains an amused smile on her face as she looks at the two of you. “It was a hell of a change that’s for sure. Remember, we used to talk about running away, risking our lives, always looking over our shoulders. Now, we’re here, safe and sound.”
Yubin’s smile gets wider, reaching her eyes. She looks at her baby bump, running her palms over her unborn child. “And we’re happy.”
–
The city skyline comes into view as the sun starts to set in the distance, its orange glow gradually lowering between two skyscrapers. The night would soon come to life, city lights spanging all around you in a burst of colours.
On a rooftop bar in the middle of the city, you’re surrounded by friends of Mia, her brothers, Hoseok’s family and some people you know from college. Hand in hand, Hoseok and Mia roam around, speaking to guests with Mia showing off her ring.
A few days ago, Hoseok popped the question.
It came as a surprise when Namjoon revealed it back at the diner. Of course, Hoseok was too intimidated to tell you (Jungkook) himself, assigning the difficult task to Namjoon. All by himself, he planned an elaborate surprise which involved Hana and you ushering her to the beach, where Hoseok waited with a candlelight dinner in a private area surrounded by rose petals. Jimin made sure to video the entire thing while Namjoon snapped away on his fancy camera.
“Look at him,” you nod towards Hoseok, “he was sweating buckets that evening. Now…still.”
Everyone giggles, having seen how badly he sweats when he’s nervous. Even so, he managed to deliver a nice, short speech at the start. An impressive one for anyone who didn’t know Namjoon helped him for most of it.
“Can’t believe we’re at the age where friends are getting engaged and stuff.” Hana comments.
“I know,” you sigh, eyes hooked onto the glow on Mia’s face, “crazy how time flies.”
Standing next to Jungkook, Hana notices how his eyes have been fixed on you for a while. She subtly bumps against his arm, raising her brows at him. He narrows his eyes at her.
Just then, Hoseok taps a glass with a fork to get everyone’s attention, and a quiet hush follows.
“Hey everyone, thank you so much for being here tonight. We really wanted to celebrate our engagement with the people we love and those close to us and we appreciate that you’ve allowed us to share our joy with you.” Hoseok interlocks his fingers with Mia. “Both of us are extremely grateful for all the love, advice and support you’ve given us tonight. This is still really new for us, and we hope that you can continue to look after us and give us your blessings.”
A short applause follows.
“Oh, I also wanted to give a shoutout to my friends. Without them, none of this would have been possible.” He gestures to the five of you as everyone claps, before turning back to Mia. “And also…to my lovely Mia, who’s agreed to marry me. I think everyone who knows Mia, knows how very lucky I am.”
A series of awws go around, touched by his affection. Mia dries her eyes and they share a kiss, prompting some cheers. Hoseok ends the speech with a lovely quote you know for sure had to be Namjoon’s doing.
While he goes on, someone burns holes through your side. Jungkook, standing just next to Hana.
She mentioned how distant he’s seemed all day. You’d pegged it as well; he’s kept conversation to a minimum even at home. But it didn’t bother you much. You figured it was his way of getting used to Hoseok and Mia.
When you turn, he looks away at the same time, but you’ve caught him. A cheeky smile spreads over your lips.
After the speech, conversations continued, some indulging in the open bar, others parked near the dessert table, while others took to the dance floor or simply enjoyed the view.
The group huddles once the couple is finally ready for pictures. Hoseok and Mia stand in the middle while you and Hana on either side, the men at the back. Jungkook keeps close to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. Click.
“How about both couples together?” Hana suggests, winking at Jungkook. Jimin and Taehyung catch on to it, leading Jungkook to stand next to Hoseok without waiting for an answer. The camera clicks at the count of three.
Jungkook’s awkward arm over Hoseok’s shoulder leaves the others snickering behind the cameraman. They face each other after, Hoseok with a tired, yet cautious smile. It’s the first time they’ve had a moment together since he learned about the engagement.
“Congratualtions.” Jungkook says, clearing his throat after.
Hoseok chuckles awkwardly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for being cool with this.”
Jungkook shrugs, “Nothing to do with me, Mia can make her own choices.”
Hoseok looks to the side for a second, brows knitting, then turns back to Jungkook. “Wait, so you’re not cool with it?”
Jungkook scoffs out a laugh, letting loose for the first time the whole night. “I only want her to be happy. Clearly, she is when she’s with you. I respect that.”
Seeing him smile, Hoseok’s nerves calm a little. Jungkook’s eyes float over to where you and Mia are, chatting about her dress, her hair, and her ring.
“She hasn’t had an easy life,” Jungkook starts, “but she’s strong. She deserves the best; someone who’s good to her, supports her, loves her unconditionally. She– she reminds me of my sister…“
Hoseok freezes; it’s the first time Jungkook has ever brought up a family member.
“And I love her like a sister. So please, treat her well.”
Jungkook does the unthinkable, hinging at the waist and lowering his head in a bow. Hoseok stood in astonishment at his action. He steps forwards, pulling Jungkook in a hug, one Jungkook knows wouldn’t end so soon. “Jungkook. I promise I’ll take care of her.”
“I know,” Jungkook says against his shoulder. “After all, you’ve been the best to Y/N all these years.”
Jungkook’s eyes meet with yours as he stays wrapped around Hoseok. No one else seems to notice the hug except you, head tilted in amusement, your soft eyes smiling at him.
“Hey,” Namjoon calls out just as they break apart, holding up his camera, “could I get one of you and Y/N now?”
“Yeah!” Mia pulls you away and gets Jungkook to stand by you. “Soulmates.”
Jungkook exhales against your side, placing his arm around your waist. Click.
“Okay now face each other.” Namjoon orders.
Jungkook stares down the camera for a second, but you’re already looking up at him. He freezes as he gets lost in your eyes. How beautiful, he thinks, with the last rays of the day shining on your face.
Click.
“Now, kiss.”
Jungkook snaps out of it when he hears the giggles, scowling at the camera instead. Namjoon shrugs, walking off to find another target instead. Hana, Jimin and Taehyung find a spot at the open bar, and the engaged couple steal a moment to rest.
“You’re acting strange today.”
“Strange how?”
You find a spot by the glass railing, a view overlooking the city. Jungkook’s arms are around you, swaying you side to side. You shrug. “Just. Quiet. ”
His brows scrunch together, amused. “When have I ever been the life of the party?”
“Okay,” you agree, “and why have you been staring at me the whole time?”
Jungkook smiles, staring at your lips. “Not the whole time.”
Hitting him with a look, Jungkook lightly pinches your nose. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. You let yourself rest against him, feeling your body melt into his arms as you stare at the view.
After a while, he speaks. “Sometimes I can’t believe it.”
“What?” You murmur, cheek pressed to his chest.
“That this is all real.” He says gently. “That things somehow worked out. And I’m happy, I have a normal job. I have friends. I have you.”
You look at him, staring into the distance, a look of disbelief.
“I used to imagine this kind of life…and now I’m living it.”
The childlike innocence in the way he describes it tugs at your heartstrings. “You deserve all of this. And more.”
You get on your toes and press your lips against his. Jungkook grazes his thumb against your cheek, feeling especially grateful.
Cheers erupt from the bar where the couple have found themselves at. And of course, Jimin is at the center of it all, orchestrating the chaos of pitting the couple against each other in a drinking game.
Jungkook’s attention lingers on them. Mia wins, throwing her hands in the air as Hoseok makes excuses. Laughing giddily, Mia kisses him passionately, prompting more cheers all around. Happy faces everywhere.
“Do you think you'd want this one day?” He asks, blinking away when you make eye contact. “Getting engaged, married?”
It now occurs to you why he has been acting weird the whole time, why he has been staring at you, gauging your reactions.
A silly smile, one where your tongue sticks out between your teeth, and your nose crinkles up, makes Jungkook’s ears burn. Still, he can’t help but to crack a smile himself despite his embarrassment, one where the tiniest of his dimples make an appearance.
“Is that what this is about?”
“Maybe.” His round eyes try to read yours, shrugging. “I wanted to know how you feel about it.”
His sincerity is endearing. Always so cautious, and considerate of your feelings.
“I’ve never really thought about it that seriously,” you admit, shrugging, “but I think, maybe yes, one day. When that special person asks me.”
He smiles, about to say something when Hoseok’s loud voice from all the way on the other side cuts through his moment. He glares at an unknowing Hoseok and you laugh. “Just think, you could’ve ended up with him.”
“Jungkook.”
“Definitely made the right choice though.” He giggles when you slap him on the chest.
“There was never a chance that I’d choose to be with anyone other than you.” You say, watching the satisfied smile grow on his face, though with a hint of playfulness still lingering.
“Yeah, wasn’t gonna say anything but,” he looks around and whispers, “a rooftop bar is pretty lame. That’s what you get for marrying Hoseok.”
Your laughter drowns out everything else, and Jungkook’s absorbed in the way your eyes crinkle, and your cheeks rising, hand covering your mouth when you get conscious of stares. Your giggle seeps through his skin, feeding his intense adoration of you.
“I knew it would be you.” Jungkook blurts out. “No one has ever made me feel this way before.”
The giggles die down, suddenly feeling tingles in your tummy. “You were always the one for me too, Jungkook. I can’t imagine a future with anyone else.”
Your eyes flutter to his chest, avoiding his intense stare, cheeks burning. “Maybe I just don’t say it enough but I love you, so much. I feel happy and safe and…complete when I’m with you.”
Jungkook could burst right there and then. It feels like his heart has expanded into the size of his chest, pressing against his ribcage.
He looks down at himself for a moment, then back at you. When he reaches into his pocket, your heart starts to race. “Don’t worry I’m not– “ he chuckles at the way your face contorts into mild panic.
Jungkook clears his throat, clutching a rectangular box. “This is um…” Hands trembling slightly, he opens the old, brown case, and you gasp. “I know you like this. Saw you looking at it.”
The vintage watch you had been eyeing for so long, sits prettily in its case. You recall Mdm Lee’s unusual behaviour that day as she told you the watch was sold. Little did you know, it was Jungkook all along.
“Jungkook this is…”
Carefully removing it, he gently fixes it on your wrist, letting you have a moment to take it in. A tear makes it down your face, and Jungkook wipes it away. Though your eyes are moist, the loveliest smile takes over your face, “I don’t even know what to say.”
Jungkook’s grins, holding your hand in his, admiring how it ended up matching the look you have on. His fingers drag down the back of your palm, tracing over your fingers. “I don’t have a ring yet, but one day, I’d like to ask you to marry me.”
Your gaze lingers, quietly admiring every little detail of his face. He tilts his head, teeth toying nervously with his lip ring. “Is that okay with you?”
You nod aggressively, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.
“Is that a yes?” He asks, chuckling.
Jungkook plants a kiss on your forehead when you pull away, breathing out in ease. You cup his face, warm hands resting on the sides. “Yes. A thousand times yes.”
Your lips mould with his, softly, passionately, sealing a promise for the future.
“No take-backs.” He warns, savouring your giggles against his lips. “You’re stuck with a reckless, ex-drug dealer loser.”
“Not a loser.” You say softly, brushing his hair. “Just a little rough around the edges. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
–
A year later
Crave Ink Studios quickly earned their spot as one of the best places for tattoos and piercings. The art studio, now in partnership with the learning centre, received generous funding from the city council to continue support for at-risk youth. Despite your busy schedules, you make it work.
Jungkook’s quaint house becomes a usual getaway; weekends, special occasions, and impromptu trips. Far from the weight of the city. Especially in the spring, where the sun is out, yet there’s a slight chill in the air.
The humble abode you share, now opens up to your extended family. Hana’s jeans rolled up to her calves as she soaks her feet in the river together with Jimin, whose hands safely hold on to Jihoon’s, kicking the water as they waddle along.
By the river bank, Yubin’s giggles dance in the wind, with Mia’s arm hooked around hers as they catch up. Nearby, Hoseok hangs around with Namjoon, who’d recently transferred from active duty to a trainer in the academy, leaving him more time to pursue photography. For that reason, he’s able to turn a blind eye to the man he’d considered a ghost, now keeping at a distance away.
Yoongi lingers around the vicinity, close enough but not too close. There was only a brief moment of silent recognition between them, before they returned to their individual bubbles, indifferent. Perhaps he’d gotten over it, or maybe his priorities have changed.
He cradles his sleeping baby in his arms, bouncing ever so slightly with a smile only reserved for his son.
Jungkook’s eyes meet with his. Void of any bitterness and animosity. Yoongi’s gaze lingers for a while, a weird, nostalgic feeling in his chest, before his lips curve upwards into a familiar smirk. Jungkook beams, flashing his charming smile.
Jungkook leans in for a soft peck, then finds comfort in your lap, gazing into your loving eyes. A gentle breeze blows and lulls his eyes closed. His hand reaches for one of yours, interlocking fingers and resting them over his chest.
His heart beats a gentle rhythm.
“Love you.” He utters quietly.
In the distance, birds chirping echo through the forest. The smell of the earth keeps you grounded, and the sounds of happy conversations, giggling and laughter fill the air all around you.
You brush your fingers through his hair, tracing over his features, and he hums approvingly. Chest rising and falling in a contented sigh, he smiles.
“Love you too.”
Rough edges and all.
𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡𐙚⋆°｡
author's note:
hi everyone. we've reached the end of rough edges, after so long! it's so bittersweet to be typing this at the end of the last chapter. so much has happened since i posted the first chapter six years ago. i never imagined the short drabble i posted would end up as a full fledged, 20 chapter fic. i wanted to say a great thank you for allowing me to share this story with you. i apologise if i've taken too long to finish this, i wish everyone who was here from the start could still be here! but life goes on. doesn't matter if you're an og reader or if you've just found re, you have all been a great bunch of readers and it makes me so happy every time i see you interacting with my works or sending me asks, messages and comments about re. this wouldn't be half as much fun as it was without you! thank you for all the love and support. i'm going to miss this couple so much. they will always have a special place in my heart along with all of you! please continue to keep re in your hearts!
An hour later, and you’re still reeling from the surprise. After dinner, Namjoon retreated back to his apartment next door, one that had been vacant since the night of the raid.
Your head continues to buzz.
Everything had come to a standstill when the words spilled from Namjoon’s mouth. You were stunned into silence, eyes searching for any hint that he may be joking. But there was none of that, rather, a look of pride blooming on his face as he turned to your boyfriend.
Jeon Jungkook, your boyfriend, was his informant.
⎼
By Jungkook’s request, you’re staying over, but it wasn’t like you were planning on leaving anyway. You’d gotten Namjoon to speak with Hana so she wouldn’t worry when you told her you’d be away for the night. She thinks you’re staying over his place to get some space, which isn’t entirely a lie. But you left out a crucial aspect.
Your desire to be proven right about Jungkook flew out the window hours ago. It doesn’t matter that she or anyone else doesn’t know he’s alive. They don’t need to know (and not until Namjoon clears it anyway).
The calm night sky rests in contrast to the bright, bubbling city underneath. A collection of lives unfold before you in countless small frames. Each window gives you a glimpse into a stranger’s world, and you realise the beauty of humans living alongside each other, fighting their own battles and hiding behind a mask of smiles and superficial posts.
Yellow and red lights line the road below, heavy traffic continuing even at this time of the night. If you listen closely, you can even hear the rumbling of a motorcycle engine and the honks of tired drivers. Safe in your boyfriend’s room, away from the madness, a feeling of content washes over you.
The cool wind from the AC leaves goosebumps over your exposed skin, clothed only in one of Jungkook’s shirts. Jungkook steps out of the bathroom after a shower, and catches your eye from across the room. Tossing his towel aside, he walks over and lets you snuggle up to him, practically melting into you himself.
“So nice and warm.” you mumble against his shoulder.
He chuckles, then brings his finger to your chin, lifting you up so he can land a soft, innocent kiss. Sighing right after, he mumbles. “I’ve missed this.”
The light shining through the windows land perfectly on his face, accentuating his features. You brush his hair back to take a good look. There’s a subtle difference about him, a shift in his aura. The smile he now wears is innocent and childlike, as if the part of him that held up a tough front has completely melted away. Your hand comes up to his cheek and he lets his head sink into your palm affectionately.
He flashes a smile and you feel yourself getting lifted off the floor, hooking your arms around him in surprise. The couch in the living area has been unfolded into a huge bed, covered in a large blanket, bordered with pillows.
Jungkook lets you down gently before turning down the lights. You slide your feet under the covers, taking refuge from the cold, and he joins you soon after, walking back with drinks and snacks from the kitchen. “I bought a bunch of stuff and put it on Namjoon’s tab.” He giggles, leaving them on the coffee table at the side.
You can’t stop staring at the way he’s visibly at ease now more than ever before, and at the same time in disbelief that he’s right in front of you. Noticing this as he makes himself comfortable, he pulls you in closer and tucks stray strands of hair behind your ear. “Did you like the flowers?”
“I knew that was you!” The sudden outburst has him laughing. “The note at the cafe too?”
You huff when he confirms your theory. “I wasn’t allowed to make direct contact, so I did it discreetly. But then my handler found out I’d gone to the cafe, and Namjoon lectured me about it. So I had to stop.”
“And then the playlist?” He nods.
“I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier.” He confesses. Recalling the events of the night, Jungkook can’t help but to smile to himself. “I didn’t know Namjoon was gonna reveal everything tonight.”
“It’s crazy,” you say, “I haven’t seen him in weeks. And suddenly he shows up and tells me he needs to talk about the case.”
Jungkook scoffs at the thought. “He’s so dramatic.”
“You’re pretty close now, huh?” You ask, tilting your head as you think of how much he had hated Namjoon initially.
“Yes and no.” Jungkook shrugs when you hit him with a confused look. “It’s complicated.”
⎼
Jungkook struts down the street, eyeing every alley he walks past. He’d been getting updates from their runners about a man asking questions for the last month or so. Two weeks ago, Jungkook decided to check it out, only watching from afar. He sees the suspect walking with his hands in his pocket, hat covering his eyes, surveying and talking to people in the area.
There’s a chance it’s nothing, sometimes people are just curious. But one too many complaints, and it would reach Kyun, which would escalate quickly. So Jungkook takes it upon himself to sort it out.
“Hey!” Jungkook calls out, walking up to two figures talking in the dark of an alley a block away from the boss’ club. One of them he recognises, running off with a nod from Jungkook.
Jungkook gives the suspect a once over. A mask covers his face, and the hat pulled down over his eyes, but it’s clear to Jungkook he’s not a customer.
“Can I help you?”
The guy shrugs, shaking his head. “Was just looking for some supplies.”
Jungkook nods slowly. “I can get you that. You selling or just personal use?”
“Personal.” He says.
He nods in the direction where the previous runner had left. “What was wrong with that guy?”
“Oh nothing.” Jungkook says. “Just that I could probably get you a better rate. He gets his supplies from me, so either way, it’s the same thing.”
“I see.”
Jungkook searches his jacket, hands going in and out of pockets only to come up empty. He looks at the man before him, “Shit, sorry man, seems I don’t have any on me right now. Why don’t you come over to our club, I have some there.”
The man clicks his tongue, waving his hand. “It’s fine. I’ll just come back another time.”
If someone were really desperate for a hookup, they would've taken the bait. The man’s aversion to his offer made him all the more suspicious to Jungkook.
As he attempts to walk past, Jungkook’s hand lands firmly on his shoulder. The man is slightly taller, but he can clearly feel Jungkook’s strength. And though Jungkook hasn’t said a word, he knows he’s been made. He takes a step back, eyeing Jungkook. “It’s risky stuff. You might not want to pull on this thread.”
“Get your hand off me, kid.”
“I don’t know what you’re up to, but I suggest you stay away if you’re not here for supplies.” Jungkook warns him.
His body language remains unchanged, and Jungkook’s positive now that he has an ulterior motive. “I’ll let you off tonight. But maybe next time, you won’t be so lucky.”
Jungkook turns, and walks off, pausing only a couple of steps ahead. “But if you really do need some, come and find me.” He turns back only a fraction of the way, nodding his head, before speeding off.
Once he’s sure Jungkook’s gone, Namjoon lets out the breath he’s been holding.
⎼
As Jungkook predicted, this guy doesn’t spook easily. Anyone who’s ever heard of their crew would suffice with a single warning. But not Namjoon.
Two days later when Jungkook patrols down the same route, things looked ordinary enough. He goes on for a while without finding anything suspicious, and figures maybe that his warning did work after all. Lucky for Jungkook, because now he can get back to work.
But as he does, he comes across a commotion along the way to the club. It’s not unusual in these areas. One two many drinks, or a line of coke later, and people lose all sense of sanity. Many times, he’s had to step in before someone gets hurt or calls the police.
It’s only when he gets nearer to the source that he recognises the woman yelling as one of their own, fighting off three men who can’t seem to take the hint. Instinctively, he runs towards them but pauses just before he crosses the road.
Something’s caught his attention.
He sees someone else making a beeline towards the fuss, bulldozing his way into the men, and knocking them down like bowling pins.
Even from across the street, Jungkook finds him familiar. The hat and the drabby navy blue jacket, it’s him.
He’s strong, but he doesn’t fight from experience. He’s too strategic with his moves, clearly trained. It doesn’t take long before the three men give up, stumbling over as they attempt to run off.
Jungkook watches his attention shift to the woman after. From a safe distance, Jungkook trails after them as he walks her to the club, stopping at a distance away and waving her off.
She turns to give him a kiss on the cheek before rushing inside.
Jungkook scoffs, “What a weasel.”
⎼
“This isn’t the first time a cop is sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.” Jungkook circles Namjoon, eyeing him down in a parking lot of a grocery. “You’re lucky I’m the one standing here.”
“Oh yeah?” Namjoon pops open a bottle and chugs some of it down. “Why is that?”
“If it was anyone else, you’d already be lying in a pool of your own blood.”
Now that Jungkook has seen his face, and right through his cover, infiltrating the gang would be foolish at this point. He never thought his cover would be blown so quickly, before it even started. But his anonymity wasn't the only edge he had. Namjoon had done in depth research about the members, he knows what to expect from each one, and here standing in front of him is one he knows all too well.
“I don’t want any trouble.” Namjoon raises his palms. “Can we talk?”
“You’re risking your life just for a conversation?”
“You look like you’re just a kid,” Namjoon’s comment confuses Jungkook, “do they usually start as young as you do?”
“This isn’t an interview.”
Jungkook’s walls come up. Something’s off about this guy, and he doesn’t like being around him. “You need to stop, I’m not kidding. These guys, they don’t play, they’re not the usual bad guys you⎼”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Then you know it’s in your best interest if I never see you around again.” Jungkook leaves it at that, walking away, hoping he’d take the warning seriously.
“Hey kid.” Namjoon calls out. “You go to Inha University, right?”
Jungkook’s steps slow down, contemplating on turning back, but that would just give him the satisfaction. Knowing that much about him, means he’s an actual threat. At this point, Jungkook knows he’s trouble. But escalating this would mean he’d be dead by tomorrow.
Namjoon patiently waits for a response.
Jungkook turns back to him, a serious look on his face. “I’m gonna do you a favour and forget what just happened. Leave. I’m serious. If I get word about you snooping around again, I might actually have to kill you.”
Namjoon backs off, but not out of defeat. Jungkook couldn’t have given him a better response; he could have killed him right there, but he didn’t. Namjoon even gave him a second chance to do it, and again, he held back.
“I guess I can’t give up just yet.” Namjoon mutters to himself.
⎼
1 week later
The only thing Jungkook hates more than a meddler, is a persistent one. The moment his eyes land on a certain man he remembers telling to stay away, Jungkook knows this guy is going to make life difficult for him.
Right after training, as he’s about to mount his bike, Namjoon walks over. The school compound is quiet at this time of evening. With no one around,
Jungkook grabs him by the collar as soon as he’s within reach. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Do you have a death wish? If anyone catches⎼”
“No one else knows how I look like.” Namjoon shrugs,
“Unless…”Jungkook averts his gaze at the insinuation. He hadn’t, in fact, told anyone about this guy, or the truth about what happened in that alley. When reporting back, he lied and said the man ran off before he could do anything. The lack of response gives Namjoon a further boost of hope.
“As far as anyone can see, you’re just talking to a guy.”
Jungkook looks around cautiously.
“We can talk in my car?” Namjoon proposes.
“No.” Jungkook’s brows knit together in disgust at the friendliness in his tone. He mounts his bike and slips a helmet on.
“Look, Jungkook⎼”
“How the fuck do you know my name?” Jungkook pauses before kicking his bike stand up. “Who are you, really? What do you want?”
Namjoon sighs. “I know a lot. I know the little blond guy who’s always schmoozing with the VIPs at the clubs is your partner. I know where you go to school, I know your friends. I know you stay at a greek house with⎼”
“Enough.”
Jungkook’s eyes pierce through Namjoon’s, his mind calculating the chances of this man pulling him into a trap.
"Fine.” Jungkook decides, kicking the bike stand and his engine roars to life. “There’s a gym I go to just a little out of the district. Meet me there at midnight in two days.”
Namjoon’s smile showcases his dimples, and he steps aside to give Jungkook way.
⎼
Jungkook exits the gym five minutes after midnight, scanning the area outside to find Namjoon waiting by his car. Heavy steps take him there, scowling at the smile on the man’s face.
“Alright, what do you want?”
Namjoon chuckles, “Slow down, kid.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Fine,” he extends his hand, “I’m⎼”
“I don’t really care.” Jungkook cuts him off. “Just tell me what this is about.”
Taking a breath, Namjoon goes over his proposal in his head.
Knowing Jungkook’s position in Kim’s hierarchy, as one of those at the top at such a young age, he knows it won’t be easy trying to convince him.
“You were right about me.” He says, “I’m not looking to buy.”
Jungkook shuffles a tiny step back, straightening up, arms folding over his chest. “Thought so. Let me guess, they’re launching another investigation on Kim.”
Namjoon nods, but the smile on his face just moments ago no longer there.
“You’re a detective aren’t you? You’ve done your research. I’m sure you know people have tried. Time and again Kim has gotten away. What makes you think this time will be different?”
⎼
A movie plays softly in the background while Jungkook retells the story. As he talks, your interest grows, now sat up and facing him with your back to the television and the covers wrapped around your body. He laughs at you.
“Look at you,” he taps your nose.
“What happened next!” You whine, begging him to go on.
Jungkook leans back against the couch and sighs. “I thought about it for a long while. Of course, I was mad about Hoseok but I was actually considering the offer, which was crazy. I thought about what it would mean to not be part of Kim’s gang, to not do things I used to do. But I just couldn’t see myself beyond any of that. It was just who I was. So why would I help him destroy the only place I ever belonged to?”
There was sadness etched over his face and the tone of his voice. Stories of his past come back to you and you recall why Kim and everyone in that gang were so important to him. They were his entire life.
“What changed?” You ask, fully invested in his story.
“You.” Jungkook smiles fondly. “I met you.”
“Me?”
“I’d already turned Namjoon down by the time we first met,” he explains, looking a little shy, “but after we started seeing each other…I started seriously falling for you, and I thought maybe, maybe I could live a normal life. Like everyone else. I wanted that life. With you.”
“Jungkook…”
“So I called Namjoon and told him I’d take him up on his offer.” He says. “I’d get him info and in return they’d work out some form of immunity. I missed days of work because I was having meetings with him here, giving him a rundown of how things worked. Suga was livid ‘cause he thought I blew him off to hang out with you.”
“You were having your meetings here? Oh⎼ so that’s⎼ oh.” It finally makes sense. The address he’d written down in his notebook wasn’t work-related, it was Namjoon’s address all along.
Jungkook tilts his head. “What?”
“Nevermind, please continue.” You say and he shakes his head.
“No no no, I’m not letting you off. Tell me, what were you saying?” He tugs on the blanket, threatening to expose you to the cool air.
“I just⎼ it’s kind of embarrassing.” Jungkook raises his brow, and you know he won’t let this go till you tell him. “You know how you didn’t like talking about work when we first started dating? But I got really curious and everyone kept hinting at it. So I kinda snooped around and looked through a little notebook you had in your room. And I came across an address…this address. I thought it would lead me to where you worked and what you were keeping from me.”
His brows crease together, “You looked through my stuff?”
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have.” Your bottom lip juts out and he pretends to be mad, trying his best to hold back a smile because you look too cute.
“You are so…nosey.”
He laughs when you simply raise your eyebrows. “You’re not mad at me?”
“I guess I would’ve been back then. But now, it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“Guess not,” you say, looking down, “all this while…you were just meeting up with Namjoon.”
He nods, “Yeah. Once his team had a solid plan, it was initiated. I didn’t even know what most of it consisted of. He said it needed to be as natural as possible, so it wasn’t until he was assigned to our team that I saw him again. I didn’t even know he’d take up a job at school.”
“Is that why you were so against me being friends with him at the start?” You ask.
“Sort of.” Jungkook remembers the exact day he’d seen you talking to Namjoon. “I wanted to keep you away from all of this."
“I thought it was because you hated him and you were jealous.”
“Oh I did hate him.” He says casually. “What? Just because I agreed to work with him doesn’t mean I need to like him. And please, you would never date a fart like him.”
You hit him with a look and he shrugs, reaching out to unroll the sheets you’ve made yourself comfortable in. He grabs you by the thigh and pulls you closer. Then drops his head on your lap and closes his eyes. “So yeah, that’s about it basically.” He mumbles.
When your fingers rake through his hair, he hums an exhale. Almost melting into the bed if he could, his body visibly relaxes with your touch. “You haven’t been sleeping well, huh?” His cheek rubs against you when he nods, and goosebumps appear on his skin as you trace your nails on his scalp.
You focus on the movie while Jungkook remains in your lap, staying that way for a while. You expected him to doze off like he usually does. But his eyes glazed over, staring into the distance. The smile he had earlier is gone.
“What’s on your mind?” Your tender voice soothes him out of his daze.
“Just thinking…” his voice is hoarse, “that it’s finally over.”
He’s still trying to come to terms with what’s happened, and you can’t imagine what the last month or so has been for him, having to watch his entire world crumble. It’s a complicated web of emotions that he’s trying to untangle. On one hand, he’s free, but on the other, what did it take for him to get here? Even while he spoke earlier, you sensed confliction.
“How are you feeling?” You ask, treading carefully. “When you were talking about Kim earlier, I saw that look on your face. And now that he’s…”
You swear you see his face muscles twitch at the question, and perhaps his eyes get a little glossier than before. But he blinks the urge to cry away, and knits his brows together. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Okay,” you trace a finger over his features again, forcing them to relax. You wipe away the tiny puddle formed in the corner of his eyes. “I’ll be here when you’re ready. You can tell me anything, remember?”
Opening his eyes, he’s greeted by your own, and he sits up to face you. “Right now, I just want to be with you.”
Warmth spreads to your cheeks. Maybe it’s the weeks of separation that’s got you blushing at his words but the way he’s staring does you no favours. Your breath hitches when he gets close, face inches away and breath hot against your face. He’s greeted with a satisfied hum from you when your lips touch.
Fingers cup your jaw to hold you steady. Somehow your hands find their way to his body now that he’s leaning, practically hovering, over you. He all but devours your mouth, tongue fighting for dominance and a soft whimper leaves you when his teeth grazes your bottom lip.
Pulling away, your half-lidded eyes reflect your desire. And it all but fuels his own.
Skin burning under your touch, you revel in the way his breath gets caught as your hands slide down his abs, fingers dangerously dancing by the hem of his pants. He’s quick to react, pulling you into his lap so that you’re straddling him, arms resting over his shoulders while his hands roam over your thighs.
Jungkook’s body relaxes with a sigh, pulling you taut against him, face buried between your clothed chest. Your head rests against his, and he feels your heart thumping against your body.
“Y/N,” his words come out as a whisper, “I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you that night.”
His grip only tightens when you try to look at him. “I know, baby. I feel the same way.” You kiss the side of his head.
“You’re everything to me.” He says, this time looking up at you. “I’d die if I ever lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” You say, lips ghosting over his. “I’m all yours.”
Your lips find each other again, and the kiss burns with his ache for you. It’s a feeling he’s still getting used to, one he’s only ever experienced with you. He never thought he had the capacity to love someone this much.
Your hips move against him ever so gently, yet it gets you a delicious hum of approval. Abandoning your mouth, he plants soft kisses on your neck, focusing his attention on that sweet spot that has you sighing. The growing tent in his pants starts to bother him and he shifts uncomfortably, only to buck into your instead. You palm his hardness and he breaks contact, letting out a groan and throwing his head back.
His growing impatience stops the attention you’re giving him and switches up your positions, leaving you on your back against the cool blankets and him kneeling between your legs. The shirt you’re wearing hovers dangerously just below your hips, but with your legs spread, he gets a good view of your sex, mouth salivating.
Jungkook peppers kisses along your inner thigh. Your insides throb with anticipation when you feel his hot breath on your cunt, teasing you with the softness of his lips, till you feel his tongue brushing against your clit teasingly. You grip the sheets at the contact, already feeling the adrenaline rush.
Jungkook thinks you’re cute, he’s barely done anything and you’re already holding on for your life. He gets back on his knees, much to your disappointment. This time, he lifts your shirt up and you arch your back to help him, leaving it just above your chest.
“You’re so fucking pretty.” He mutters, eyes staring down your naked form.
Your teeth sink into your lower lip, feeling the heat rush to your face. It occurs to you how long it’s been since the last time you were together, for you to be embarrassed in front of him. Deprived of his touch in months, that even a simple compliment has you blushing.
Rough hands roam your body, starting from your thighs, all the way up to your breasts. Soon his lips join them, leaving the softest kisses all over. You sigh as he captures your right nipple in his mouth, thighs closing on him in response. You can feel the upturn of his lips, smirking his way across to your left. The jerk your body does as his tongue grazes the tip of your nipple has his hands sinking into your flesh.
His right hand slides down your body, finding its way to your growing wetness. He plays with your folds and teasingly around your entrance. You spread your legs wider, gripping onto his arm as he easily slips in two fingers. You’re embarrassed of the sounds you’re making, but it’s music to his ears. His fingers move at a good pace, but it’s not enough. “More please⎼ “
“More?” He asks against your skin. You nod.
He obliges, letting in two more fingers as he studies your face, eyes falling shut, trying to reach your high. Your hands grip roughly around his arm. “F-faster⎼”
He has half a mind to stop, just to tease you a little. But you look too good when you’re chasing your high. So pretty and whiny. Mesmerised by the way your mouth drops open, he quickens the pace, feeling the burn on his arm.
Your voice gets caught in your throat when he curves his fingers to hit that spot, and Jungkook feels the warmth coating his fingers as you reach your high, continuing to milk every last drop out of you. You take a while to recover, reeling from the first orgasm in months. Part of you embarrassed it took so little to get you there.
When you finally get your sanity back, you open your eyes to Jungkook watching you as he sucks your fluid off his fingers. He momentarily gets off the couch and slips his pants off. You reach out to him, wanting to feel him close to you.
He climbs over, letting his weight rest on you. “Feel good?”
You nod, “But I want you.”
Something dark flickers in his eyes as he gazes into yours. His cock twitches between your bodies and you start to throb again. “Where do you want me?”
“I want you inside me,” your hands slip around his cock and he lifts his hips up to make room, “I want you to fuck me.”
He makes a slow exhale. Your hand rubs over his tip as the words slip out of your mouth. His eyes
shut as he grinds into your hand. Then he pushes himself off, and positions himself between your legs.
“Fuck,” he mutters, eyes roaming over you, chest heaving at the sight, “all mine.”
It makes your heart skip, and cunt throb with anticipation. His cock rubs against your folds, coating him with your wetness, before aligning with your entrance, carefully watching your face as he lets himself in. A gasp leaves you and your back arches slightly. He goes tauntingly slow just to savour the look you have.
“Jungkook,” you mutter his name in a whisper as he fits all of him inside you.
He can barely control himself right then, hips bucking against you. He goes slow, allowing you to get used to him before increasing the pace. Your gasps turn to soft mewls, and he keeps a steady pace only to keep hearing the sweet sounds you’re making.
Jungkook looks divine, even with the scars on his body. Your eyes drop to the one on his thigh, the one he’d gotten the night you were kidnapped. Then to his lower abdomen where Hongjun had shot him. He’d taken a bullet for you, not once but twice. He decided to change his life because he wanted to have one with you.
You love him. You love him. You love him.
The change in your demeanour doesn’t go unnoticed . Jungkook slows down, studying you carefully. He meets you face to face, pressing his body gently against yours, slowly pumping himself into you. His arms cage you in on both sides of your head and your legs wrap around him.
A gasp escapes you as he rolls his hips into you. “Is this okay?” He asks.
When you don’t respond, he breaks his rhythm, worried that he may be pushing you too hard. After all, you’re still recovering. The consideration he shows you further intensifies the feeling bubbling inside of you.
“I love you.”
The whisper of your words surprises him, and with his body against yours, you feel the rise of his heart rate. If possible, it’s as if the burning in his chest is seeping into yours.
He kisses you, warm and gentle against your lips. “I love you too.”
Jungkook gets back his rhythm, driven by the pool of emotions in his chest. Your words echo in his mind and a tight knot forms inside him, filled to the brim with his feelings for you. With eyes piercing into yours, it’s impossible to look away. He wants to fuck you senseless, but already he’s feeling the heat in his core.
It’s the way your body moves in sync with his. Each thrust meets with the gentle rise of your hips, allowing him to fill you up. He pauses for a beat each time, savouring the warmth of your walls around his cock. And with the lustful way you’re looking at him, he could come undone anytime. Only you could have this effect on him.
Jungkook maintains control, grunting each time he looks down to where you become one, pleased at how well you take him. Your hand guides him back to you.
Jungkook loses his breath when you force him to meet your gaze. You’re so beautiful.
For a moment he falters, thrusts becoming sloppy, and you wrap your arms around him to have him close. He swallows up your moans, your tongue losing in a battle of dominance as he devours you. Your nails dig into the flesh of his back, when you feel that familiar knot in your core.
Jungkook keeps his pace steady, hitting that sweet spot over and over again, addicted to the way you write under him, arching your back in anticipation.
“I’m gonna cum⎼” you whisper, eyes closed.
“Yeah? Cum for me baby,” Jungkook says, against your lips, giving you gentle kisses.
His voice reverberates against your neck as he speaks. You open your eyes again, and they’re met with his awe-struck gaze. “Want you⎼ cum with me⎼”
You feel it coming, the pressure inside you on the brink of explosion. Your hips buck up to meet his as he continues to slam into you, his hot breath against your ear. Getting sloppy himself, moans leave Jungkook’s mouth as he goes. He wipes the hair out of your face, grabbing your attention so your eyes can meet again.
Your gazes lock on to each other and neither can tear away. He wants this moment to last forever. Intertwined with you, making love to you. Jungkook feels himself reaching his high, but something else creeps up his chest, and waters his eyes.
“I’m⎼c⎼”
You lose all senses as the pressure in your core snaps, and your legs tremble against him, fingers scraping his back. Jungkook’s thrusts get sloppy, but he carries on, determined to let you ride out your orgasm.
Jungkook curses at the lewd expression on your face and the moans you gift him with. Your walls squeeze around his cock and his own resolve breaks as he cums inside you with a heavy load, moaning right in your ear.
His weight rests completely on top of you as he buries his face next to yours, and you let him milk every last drop inside of you. You rub his back soothingly, kissing the side of his head. When he can finally bring himself to face you, you’re greeted with his glossy eyes.
“I love you so much.”
⎼
It’s the middle of the night when you roll over, throwing your arm to the other side of the couch bed. But you don’t find what you’re reaching for, Jungkook’s side now empty. The digital clock on the console reads 3am. You usually stir from your sleep at this time anyway.
His voice comes from the other side of the room, behind the couch where the dining table is. Jungkook’s talking to someone. But at this time? Sleep still masking your attention, you only manage to pick out a couple of words he’s whispering.
“No, I don’t know how to tell her…”
Tell you what?
It sobers you slightly and you feel a pang to your chest, with a familiar anxiety building inside of you. You sit up on the edge of the bed and the movement gets Jungkook’s attention. He ends the call right then, and you walk over, tripping over your own feet in the dark.
Rubbing your eyes, you reach out to him and he pulls you in. You find the space between his legs and sit on his lap, leaning your body against his. “Baby, why are you up?” He asks quietly.
“I couldn’t find you.” You say sleepily and he resists the urge to squish your face. “Why are you up?”
“I can’t sleep.” He says, slipping his arm under your knees and lifting you back to where you came from. He climbs over you and to the other side, pulling the covers over both of you.
You look at his face, illuminated by the lights from the window. The redness in his eyes, bags under them. “You look so tired.”
“I am.” He admits, “But I just can’t sleep. It takes a while.”
“What do you do when you can’t sleep?”
“Think of you,” he says sweetly, running his thumb over your cheek, “all of you.”
“Shut up.” You giggle, getting comfy under the covers. “Something bothering you?”
“I just keep getting nightmares from that night.”
You let him snuggle comfortably with his head against the crook of your neck, deep breaths taking in your scent. “Tell me.”
“The moment I doze off, I’m just back to that night…the chaos…the panic,” he sucks in a breath, “it all comes back to me.”
“Did something happen that night? Something you want to talk about?” You can’t understand what’s going on in his mind. A part of him must be relieved to know that the entire operation was a success despite the lives lost. But something tells you there’s something else that’s bothering him.
Jungkook shakes his head. “No. Nevermind.”
“Jungkook,” you sigh, “maybe talking about it will help.”
He presses himself deeper into you if that’s even possible. It’s obvious now that there’s more he needs to unpack before he’ll feel okay.
“Whatever it is, we’ll go through it together.” You say.
The arm around your body gets heavier and his breaths get even. You continue to rub a soothing hand down his back.
“I’ll always be here for you.”
⎼
Namjoon sits at the table with Jungkook, in discussion over something important. So important that you aren’t allowed to be part of it. In the last two days you’ve been here, Jungkook would go over to Namjoon’s apartment to have these talks, but today, he’s decided to have it here instead.
You occasionally sneak peeks from Jungkook’s room, looking through a gap in the door. Jungkook picks up the movement from his peripheral and sends you a wink. You smile, then close the door again.
One last look in the mirror, and you’re slinging your bag over your shoulder, carefully opening the door so as to not interrupt them, but also making your presence known. The talking stops once you’re within hearing range.
“I’ll be back.” You go up to Jungkook and give him a kiss. “Bye Namjoon.”
“The car’s waiting for you downstairs.” He says, nodding, then points his pen at you. “And remember, not a word.”
“Got it.” You pretend you zip your lips.
Having to keep this on the low unfortunately means you’ve got to keep lying to everyone. When you arrive at the apartment, Hana rushes out of her room with a huge smile on her face. “Hey.” She says apprehensively.
You almost forget you’d left things a little weird that day. “Hi.” You hug her first, and she sighs in relief, hugging you back. “Everything okay?”
“I should be asking you that.”
“I’m good.” You nod, and she relaxes, relieved to see you in good spirits. “I needed the space. I feel better now.”
“Okay,” she holds your hand, “sorry about the other day. I was insensitive.”
“No no, it’s alright. I mean,” you scoff, “I wasn’t in the right state of mind anyway.”
“I know but⎼”
“Don’t worry about it.” You assure her firmly, wanting to move on from the subject.
The flowers Jungkook got you were starting to wilt, looking lonely and sad on your table, so you gave it a water change. After which you start packing a load of clothes, enough to last you a week, into a duffel bag. Wafting through the apartment, the smell of good homemade cooking distracts you, and you leave the packing aside to hop outside.
“What’s this?” You ask, smirking as you walk to the kitchen where Hana has made herself busy.
“I’m making your favourites; chicken soup and butter prawns!” Her voice goes up an octave, proudly showing off her cooking. She’d always been the better cook anyway, so you don’t doubt its taste. In fact, you’re salivating just thinking about the gorgeous prawns she made last time, and the chicken soup she’s working on now bubbling on the stove, with the rice cooker steaming on the counter behind her.
Her face drops when you don’t react the way she expected you to. You don’t even realise you’d been standing there with a blank look. “What’s wrong?”
You force a smile. “It sounds amazing Hana. You know I love your cooking.”
“But?”
But you weren’t exactly planning on staying till dinner. You were so focused on getting back to Jungkook that you’d completely forgotten to tell her that.
“I just thought…I’d go back⎼”
“Go back?”
“To Namjoon’s apartment?” You say carefully. “It’s just that he has an empty place and I think being on my own is actually good for me right now so…”
“Oh.”
You can almost hear the sound of her heart breaking. The more you speak, the worse her expression gets and you hate yourself for it. Jungkook can wait. You’ll see him again tonight anyways. “But you know what, I can stay for dinner. Not like I have anything else to do.” You chuckle.
Hana perks up just a little. “I didn’t realise you were going back. And so soon.”
“Well yeah I just⎼ it’s a nice place and⎼ it’s just good for me⎼ like maybe right now I need⎼”
Curses float through your mind as you struggle to find the right excuse without hurting her. But now she’s looking at you confused by your stammering. She knows you too well to know you’re hiding something.
“Fuck it.” You groan, running your hand over your face. “Jungkook’s alive. He’s at Namjoon’s place. I’ve been with him for the last few days.”
It was certainly not what Hana was expecting, mouth parting in surprise, struggling to process what you just said.
⎼
“Are you sure?” Namjoon’s eyes pierce Jungkook’s. “You have no idea where Suga is?”
“I’m telling you the truth. That night was the last time I saw him. I don’t know where he is now.”
It hurts Jungkook to think about it. That the last night he’d seen Suga was the same night he’d betrayed Kim in that alley.
Namjoon observes Jungkook for a minute. In his experience, there’s always a chance of a cover up. They’d been going through the names of those arrested, Jungkook helping Namjoon pair their real names with their aliases and identifying those who managed to escape and their threat level. Suga being one of them.
“Fine. I believe you.” So he says. “But if we do find him, he is going to prison.”
“I know that.”
“And if we find out that you’ve been in contact with him, then your immunity is revoked.”
Jungkook nods curtly.
Turning back to his notes, Namjoon goes over a couple more things before their meeting is done. He piles the papers into a stack and slots them into a confidential file.
He glances at the younger man, now zoned out, staring at the centrepiece of the table. “It’s almost confirmed. You have to tell her soon.”
“I know, I just can’t find it in me.” Jungkook leans back. “I’ve been agonising over the last two days. How can I burst her bubble like that? She’s gone through so much, and finally we get to be together again. How do I…”
Jungkook trails off, as if speaking about it would make reality come quicker.
“How do I break it to her that I’m gonna be sent away?”
⎼
You proudly show off your old phone to Hana. “See? I got it back.”
“That’s great.” She smiles, still trying to process the sudden flood of information. You’ve spent the last half an hour breaking your promise to Namjoon. But that doesn’t matter, you’ll deal with him when the time comes. Or maybe he just doesn’t have to know. “But I’m still…are you sure that person is really Jungkook? Not an imposter? Is this all a dream? Am I part of your dream?”
Hana yelps when you pinch the flesh of her arm. “Does that hurt?”
“Yes?!”
“So this isn’t a dream.”
Hana looks at you unbelievably. “Okay, you’re back to normal. So this is all real.”
“It took me a while too.” You say, sporting a silly smile that she hasn’t seen in a while. “But it’s real. He’s alive. And safe. He’s just been laying low at Namjoon’s place the whole time.”
“And all along he’s been…”
“Namjoon’s informant.”
“That’s crazy.” Hana laughs. “That’s the craziest thing yet. I mean, besides you getting held hostage of course.”
“I know.” You stop chewing and cross your arms on the table. “Now, I’m not supposed to tell you any of this so please.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” She nods.
“Not even Hoseok.”
“I promise.” Hana holds out her pinky and you hook yours around it. She looks more relieved to have you back than anything else. “I’m glad he’s safe. I know you’ve been worried sick the last couple of weeks. I love that I can finally see you smile like this again.”
A pang of guilt hits you hard. Hana had been with you throughout your recovery and it hasn’t been easy for her, but she tried her best. That was never in doubt. On the other hand, you were less than pleasant to deal with. Even if you weren’t yourself, she didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of your outbursts.
“Hana, I’ve been awful to you. I’m so sorry.” You reach over to grab her hand. “I couldn’t control myself. I felt like everyone was too careful around me…but at the same time I hated it when you guys were honest with me.”
“I get it,” she exhales. “You were just trying to stay optimistic but we kept shutting you down. I think anyone would’ve been annoyed.”
“Still, I shouldn’t have lashed out like that.”
“I felt so bad after.” Hana admits. “I thought you didn’t want to come back because you were still mad at me.”
“I was kinda upset but,” you shake your head, “I would never just leave you, Hana. You’re my best friend.”
She smiles. “You were right in the end though. About Jungkook.”
“I told you so.”
Laughter fills the room, washing away any tension that has plagued the house in the last month.
⎼
The cool night air bites at your skin. Jungkook swims laps in the pool, while you sit on the edge, splashing your feet in the water. Past midnight, no one else comes up here, leaving you with the perfect space to get some fresh air. Jungkook appears between your legs, brushing his hair back and wiping the water off his face.
He shows off his charming smile when you raise your brows. “You just brought me here to seduce me.”
“It’s working though, right?” He chuckles.
Jungkook carries you into the warm water, and you let your legs hook around him. With his arm firmly around your waist, you lean back, gazing up at the night sky. “I can’t believe rich people have rooftop pools. This is amazing.”
“Wait till you see the sauna.”
You gasp dramatically and his nose scrunches up. He floats about with you in his arms and your head rested on his shoulder. A sigh of content leaves your lips. “I’m so happy.”
His arms seem to tighten around you just then, and after a while he moves towards the steps where the both of you rest with half your bodies in the water. Expression unreadable, he watches you fix your hair and scoots closer when you smile at him. His hand comes up to your thigh and it seems as though he’s building to say something.
“What?” You ask, tilting your head to look at him when he looks away.
Jungkook shakes his head. “I um…”
Seconds go by as he contemplates, then finally faces you again. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Oh okay,” you shrug, “we can watch that new netflix release⎼”
“No,” Jungkook’s eyes go wide just like it used to when he’s up to something, “not back to the apartment. Out of here, like, out of here.”
“You wanna leave? Are you allowed to do that?”
“We can go watch a movie at the theatre.”
“You’re definitely not allowed to do that.”
“Come on!”
Jungkook gets out first, water gushing down as he does, and extends his hand out to you. Staring up at him, the consequences line up in your head. There are limitations he has to abide by, and he’d already been caught once.
His eyes shine with a glimmer of hope, wiggling his fingers in encouragement. His smile only gets bigger when you grab his hand and trail along after him.
A man appeared at the front door upon Jungkook’s call; his handler, apparently. This is the first time you’re meeting the man who’s been assigned to make sure Jungkook’s well taken care of. And that includes ensuring he doesn’t leave the premises unless…
“That’s not an emergency.” He says.
From the looks of it, he’s young. Possibly younger or even the same age as you are. He dresses casually, coming up from the floor just below. “No.” You hear him say immediately after Jungkook opens his mouth.
Jungkook pulls him inside. “Please. Just this once.”
He maintains his resolve but his hands ball up into fists by his side. Standing just a little shorter than Jungkook, it’s comical to see him frowning up at him as if Jungkook’s the one in charge. “Just this once? Are you forgetting what you did last time?”
You assume he’s referring to the time Jungkook broke the agreement just to see you. “And I could’ve just left without a word again this time, but here I am, informing you, like a nice person.”
“Please.” The young man scoffs and folds his arms. “It’s because my boss changed the security settings, and your biometrics don’t work anymore. That’s why you need me.”
“Well yeah, basically.”
“Eugh,” he balls his fist up again, “you are so annoying. Why can’t you just stay here like you were ordered to and not get me into any more trouble?”
You go over to Jungkook’s side, hugging his arm. “He’s right. Let’s just stay in.”
The boy’s eyes slide over to you for a second. But Jungkook doesn’t agree, speaking softly over his shoulder. “No, we’ve been here for ages.”
“But I don’t want him to get in trouble. Or you.”
Jungkook loses tension as you speak. You’re always so considerate. “But⎼”
“Sorry to disturb you so late. We’ll stay in.” You cut him off and the look on his handler’s face softens, though still guarded.
Jungkook pulls you aside, speaking in a whisper. “I thought you wanted to get out of here? And watch a movie?”
“Not if we have to force our way out.” You reason. “We’ll be able to do all of that after you’re done here. We don’t have to rush things, we have so much time.”
The corners of Jungkook’s lips twitch, holding back frustration.
“It’s fine.” You say, getting him to look at you again.
Behind him, the man clears his throat to get your attention. “I uh⎼ there is one way I can let you go.”
He shares a sympathetic smile when you make eye contact, though he stares down Jungkook’s back right after. “I can go with you. I’ll have to drive you to where you wanna go. And I’ll stay with you throughout. When you’re done, I’ll drive us back. That way I have eyes on you at all times.”
You look at Jungkook, raising your brows. He’s clear considering the idea, though he doesn’t want to show how moved he is that this young man is actually trying to help him out.
⎼
“Here.” Jungkook holds the ice-cream an inch away from your face. Each time you lean forward, he pulls it back, till you move too quickly and eventually have ice-cream on your nose.
He giggles, wiping the dessert off your face when you glare at him. In his peripheral he catches sight of an unwanted presence nearby, and his attention separates from you momentarily.
“Stop.” You shove him lightly.
“Look at him, lurking.”
“It’s his job.” You remind him and he rolls his eyes. “You should be grateful. He could’ve just ignored us and went back to bed but he wanted to⎼”
“Okay.”
Jungkook’s lower lip juts out. He continues eating his ice cream while sulking. Jaemin ⎼ you found out his name ⎼ had helped you out of the building and drove you to a nearby drive-through for ice-cream. Though you felt weird about it, Jungkook asked if there was a secluded place he could drive to. And now you’re at a peaceful picnic spot atop a hill, overlooking the entire city with no one else in sight.
“You have to admit, it’s a great view.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes once more and you tug on his ear. “Ow⎼ yes okay⎼ yes!”
He rubs his ear when you let go, “Stop being a baby.”
Jungkook glances at Jaemin, then leans in. “I have an idea. If we start having sex right now, I bet he’ll⎼”
His laughter fills the night when you shove him once again, keeping himself steady with his other hand. You rest against him, hooking your arm under his and closing the gap between you. Your eyes settle on a tall building in the distance, a string of bright lights shining along the edges. It overshadows Namjoon’s apartment out of sight just behind it. “That’s a pretty one.”
“That one’s prettier.” He points to a lavish mansion sitting elegantly atop one of the adjacent hills.
“Okay fancy pants. A month at Namjoon’s apartment and you’re already acting like a spoiled rich kid.”
Jungkook clicks his tongue. “I’m just saying, I’ve been saving up all these years. Better be nice to me or you’re not invited.”
You scoff. “Oh you’re too good for me now huh?”
You pinch his side and he flinches, dropping whatever’s left of his cone, watching as it rolls down into the darkness. He glares at you and you press your finger to your lips to hide a smile before breaking out into laughter, Jungkook joining you. “Sorry.” You say between giggles.
He dusts his hands off before putting his arm around you. “You’re definitely not invited.”
Your cheeks burn from smiling too wide, a feeling you’ve missed. Comfortably resting on him, your hands find warmth under his jacket. “Can’t wait for you to be free. Where are you gonna stay?”
Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat. “I don’t know yet.”
“You haven’t thought about it?” You ask mindlessly, playing with his fingers.
“What’s the point of having a girlfriend if I can’t crash at her place?”
It makes you giggle and he kisses the top of your head. “You’re welcome anytime. But on a serious note, it might not be cool if you stay with us long term.”
“Kicking me out already…”
You punch him in the chest and he jokingly whines about how violent you’re getting. An idea brews in your mind and you chew on your bottom lip. “Maybe…we could get a place together?”
Maybe you were just imagining it, but you felt him stiffen up. Looking up, you see him staring at the view with a complex look, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “Mm.”
The indifference in his reply stings. It was a suggestion you thought he’d be on board with when you’ve basically been living together the last few days. “You can say no if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that,” he sighs, “there’s a lot of things that…”
“What?”
The next few seconds of silence stretches out into what feels like forever. Leaving you with the same nervousness bubbling inside the pit of your stomach you used to feel; he’s keeping something from you.
Jungkook’s internal frenzy is cut short ⎼ and saved ⎼ by Jaemin, who calls out to the both of you. “Let’s head back. We’ve been out long enough.”
Your bodies slip away from each other and Jungkook nods at him before turning to you, looking up at him with a vague expression on your face. He smiles to ease the tension and leans forward, lips pacifying your worries for a moment. “Let’s talk about this next time, okay?” He whispers.
You push the negative thoughts far back, not wanting to ruin the night.
⎼
Over the next two days, Jungkook had been adamant about getting his way with Jaemin. Even when you insist on staying home, he shakes his head, bothering the poor handler every few hours about the next time he can leave the apartment.
You sit by the kitchen island, staring at the glorious view of his back while he cooks a nice meal for the two of you. The only thing that had stopped him from bothering Jaemin was putting your foot down and threatening to leave. Reluctantly, he finally left the boy alone.
Jungkook places a steak on your plate, lips slightly jutted as he continues sulking. “Thank you baby.”
He sighs, placing the pan back on the stove and getting his own plate. “We could’ve had steak at a proper restaurant.” He mutters, taking the seat across.
“But I like your cooking better.”
The corners of his lips twitch a little. His cooking has always been good, so you don’t expect anything less. You hum at every bite, placing your hand to your chest with gratitude, and he watches you fondly, smiling wider at every little expression you make.
That night, he tucks some stray hair behind your ear while you’re asleep. The covers are pulled all the way up to keep you from the cold. His fingers graze over the skin of your cheek and you stir, smacking your lips together, then breaking into a light snore.
The front door plays a jingle as it unlocks. He turns his head in the direction of the hallway which reflects a soft glow from outside. He’s careful not to wake you as he slides off the bed and shuts the door safely and silently. In the dark, he trots over to the long dining table where Namjoon sets his coat over one of the chairs, undoing his tie.
“What’s up? Why do you look like that?” He asks when he turns to a dishevelled Jungkook.
“I haven’t told her.”
Jungkook stands in front of the window, right next to Namjoon, who’s looking at him from the side. “You’re gonna have to soon. I just submitted the paperwork.”
“It’s not that easy.” Jungkook says softly.
“You want me to do it?”
Jungkook had considered it. Maybe hearing it from Namjoon would make it seem more necessary, and that would hurt less. But that would be cowardly of him. “No. I think that might be worse.”
“Just lay out the facts.” Namjoon says. “And tell her now before it’s too late. At least she’ll get time to process everything.”
“I know. I’ll tell her tomorrow.”
“Alright.” Namjoon slaps him on the shoulder. “Let’s go over the details.”
⎼
“What⎼ how?!”
“I’m sorry!” Jungkook whines, and you snatch the knitting from his hands. The tangled yarn sticks to the needle, with the remaining yarn unravelled all over the floor. “I’ve never done this before!”
“But how did it get to this?”
Jungkook drops himself on the couch, “You said this would be relaxing.”
“Yeah if you do it right.” You mutter as you try to free the needle. “This is literally impossible. You weren’t listening to my instructions were you?”
“No, every time you talk all I hear is the melodious sound of your voice luring me into your world.”
Your palm lands harshly on his thigh and a high-pitched yelp escapes him. The amusement on your end fades away when instead of retaliating, Jungkook folds over, clutching his thigh while letting out a guttural groan.
Panic sets in when you realise where your palm had landed ⎼ right on his wound. Your hands slap over your mouth with a gasp, dropping the tangled web of yarn to the floor. “I’m so sorry!”
You continue to watch with horror as he buries his head into his leg. The amount of guilt you feel is indescribable, you couldn’t imagine how much it hurt. But the guilt slowly dissipates when seconds later, he breaks character, raising his head and ending the dramatics with his bunny teeth making an appearance.
“Just kidding.”
For a moment he regrets his decision, the dead stare you’re giving him making his stomach drop. “You. Asshole.”
Picking up a cushion, he shields himself from your attacks, and you hear his laughter coming from the other side of the cushion. You manage to pry it away and his eyes widen though his grin remains, and he blocks your next attempt, grabbing your wrists in time.
Leaning in, your face hangs just inches away from his bunny smile. “You’re surprisingly strong.” He comments.
“I’m angry.”
“Cute and angry.” You growl for effect and he chuckles.
Though he’s holding on tight, you’re no match for him. He easily lowers your wrists and pulls you in closer, but you resist.
“Listen,” he laughs, “I have something to tell you.”
At first you think he could just be messing with you to get you to stop, but playfulness switches into a genuine smile as he speaks. Your body relaxes out of interest and you fall back to the couch, letting your legs drape over his. He laughs at the speed of your transition, now looking at him with curious eyes.
“I spoke to Namjoon,” he starts and you nod, “he says we can tell the others now. So if you want to, we’ll have them over for dinner or something.”
“Oh my god, yes!” You burst to your knees, arms folding around his neck. “Let’s do it! When?”
“Whenever you like.”
“Okay, we need to prepare though. Should we surprise them?” You muse over the thought.
“Your choice.” Jungkook shrugs, picking up the knitting materials off the floor and throwing them into its original box.
“Oh come on,” you grab his hands, palm to his cheek, “they’re your friends too. They’ve been worried about you. And I know you’ve missed them.”
Jungkook smiles, “Yeah, I guess I have.”
“They’ll be ecstatic!” You clap your hands. “So how do you wanna do it?”
“Honestly…I think I’d just like a nice dinner with everyone.” His eyes glaze over. “I feel like we’ve never done that before. We’re always doing our own things. Either that or, we’re fighting. Dinner would be good.”
“Aw.” You press your lips to his cheek. “That’s so sweet Jungkook.”
“Also, I can’t wait to kick Hoseok off his high horse.”
“And there it is.” You roll your eyes and shove him.
“Well what about you?” He scoffs, “Didn’t you say no one believed you a week ago, and that you can’t wait to rub it in their faces.”
You smile sheepishly. “Fine, so we’ll both rub it in everyone’s faces.”
“Sounds good.” Jungkook leans in till his lips find yours. “Let’s go do some grocery shopping.”
You tilt your head. “Did you run this by Jaemin?”
“Ugh, I hate that you know his name.” Jungkook winces. “No. But I talked Namjoon into giving me some freedom befor⎼”
“Before?” You watch him freeze for a moment, then shake it off.
“Before I go crazy here.”
You nod slowly, a little suspicious over his fumbling of words. But he carries on normally, shoving the box of knitting materials aside so he can go get ready, motioning for you to do the same.
⎼
Covered in black from head to toe with a hat pulled all the way down, covering his eyes, Jungkook drapes his arm around you as you walk around a lesser known part of the city. Every time you glance at him, or see his reflection on the window of the shops you pass by, you snicker. Only the bottom half of his face is visible, almost like you’re walking with a celebrity.
A large supermarket comes into view and you go over the list of things to buy in your head. But as you walk by, his arm stops you from turning into it. Instead, the two of you walk on by. “Wasn’t that the…”
“Yeah we can order online and put it on Namjoon’s tab like I always do.” He waves it off.
“So then why did you⎼”
“So we can go on a proper date. Ours got cut short last time.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Shall we go to a museum? Bookstore?”
“I thought you hated museums.”
“You love them though?” He asks lifting his chin so he can see you better.
He slows down when he notices you do the same, face twisted with concern. “What if you get in trouble? We’re not supposed to be out and about.”
Jungkook sighs. The arm around your shoulders drops down your back and you feel his fingers snaking between yours. “Didn’t I say I got Namjoon to ease up on the restrictions?”
If you were being honest, a teeny tiny part of you doesn’t believe him. He tilts his head to meet your gaze and you see the wrinkles forming around his eyes as he smiles. “You can call him and check if you want to.”
Then again, Namjoon had given him an access card which allowed him out of the building, one which he passed on to you to keep. Jungkook is sneaky but there’s no way he would’ve gotten a card without Namjoon knowing.
“You can stand there all day thinking about it,” Jungkook shrugs, leaving you behind. He turns as he walks and you can only see his smile as he goes, “meanwhile, I’m gonna check out the new historial arts exhibition⎼”
He breaks into laughter when you charge at him head on, pressing your head against his side and squeezing his arm against your body, sparkling eyes begging him to take you there.
⎼
“You always choose the worst ones.”
Your brows crease together just as you bring the spoon to your mouth. “You’re literally eating cotton candy flavoured ice cream.”
Jungkook rolled his eyes and complained when you dragged him to yet another ice-cream place on the way back, but easily gave in when you mentioned getting ice-cream on dates is our thing. He never realised it but it’s true. And he finds it absolutely adorable.
A couple of bars stay open down the street and the clinking of glasses, live music, and mindless chatter echo into the night. The faint sounds of their liveliness continue in the distance as you and Jungkook chose a calmer spot further down.
“Yours is called Love Potion.” He makes a point. “What the hell is that?”
“This is what keeps you wrapped around my finger.”
“Oh-ho, is that right?”
You both laugh and he moves in to press his lips against yours, tasting the sweet white chocolate mixed with the tart raspberry flavour lining your lips. He hovers close by after. “Mm you’re right, that is good.”
The mischievous glimmer in his eyes heats up your face. You never get tired of this feeling ⎼ of wanting to be with him, even when he’s this close to you. You wonder if this is what having a soulmate feels like. Is he your soulmate? It’s the first time anyone has ever made you question that. And it’s amusing to you how the thought pops up on a random Thursday night, sitting on a random bench by the road.
Jungkook’s elbow nudges you gently, “What’s wrong?”
Shaking your head, you break into a sheepish smile and feign interest in your ice-cream, swirling the melted parts around in the cup. Jungkook hasn’t seen that smile since the early days of your relationship. “Nothing.”
He brings a napkin to your mouth, wiping off residual ice cream. And again, you feel that warmth, wishing he would stop staring already. But at the same time, wanting him to always look at you this way.
It’s an hour after the time Jungkook had promised Jaemin to be back. Hand in hand, you walk back to the apartment building, and your smile lights up the night as you go on and on about something he’s only half paying attention to.
The longer he looks at you, the heavier his heart gets. The guilt eating away his insides feels like it's about to let everything spew out of him. You’ve been the happiest he’s seen you in forever, and he knows what he’s about to tell you will erase it all away.
Your hair dances in the wind and Jungkook watches your back while you look out at the view from a rooftop garden of a nearby subway station, taking yet another detour, and causing an influx of texts from Jaemin who’s tracking his location. Jungkook ignores them.
“You really like it up here, huh?” He asks, and you turn with a smile.
“It’s nice.” You say, turning back, admiring the pretty infrastructure. “Crazy to think living like this is normal for some people.”
“Yeah.” His voice, suddenly appearing much closer, followed by his presence right by your side.
Jungkook tries to focus on the lights, how the traffic almost looks like it moves in a rhythm. But his attention drifts back to you. Your chin rests on the back of your palm as you lean against the railing, eyes sparkling as you take it all in.
“I’m gonna miss this when we finally get out of this city.” You chuckle, expecting him to join in and make a joke about living here forever under Namjoon’s tab. But it’s quiet on his end.
His eyes seem to convey an emotion you don’t think you want to pull the thread on.
“You look like you have a lot on your mind.”
Jungkook smiles briefly, his light dimming almost as quickly as it appeared. “We have to talk.”
A loaded darkness wraps around his words, and it causes your heart to flip in your chest. It’s an odd feeling you thought you’d forgotten, but with it follows memories of the last year. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
You watch him swallow the lump in his throat. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I couldn’t find the right time.”
“Does this have anything to do with your meetings with Namjoon?”
Jungkook nods. “It’s about the case.”
“Still? I thought it’s all over.”
His fingers dance around yours, as if afraid to make contact. “It is. But…”
Your eyes float between his, trying to decipher what’s going on. Inside, you’re bracing yourself for bad news; were they wrong about Kim? Hongjun? Were they alive after all? Has someone escaped from custody? Would someone try to kill you again?
Mirroring his nervousness, you wrap your hand around his fingers, “Tell me.”
“I’m leaving.”
He spits those two words out like it pains him, shutting his eyes right after as he reads the confusion on your face. Your mouth parts as you try to filter out the million questions racing through your mind.
“You’re leaving?” You shake your head and a nervous chuckle leaves your chest. “What does that mean? Like…you’re leaving me? Or? You’re leaving the city?”
Eyes fluttering open, the distress is evident in his eyes now more than ever. He clears his throat. “I’m leaving the country. Till the case is settled.”
“What? The case is settled.” You feel the rush of the blood through your veins. “Right? It’s settled. People were arrested, Kim is dead, Hongjun is dead, they’re all gone so, so, so why⎼”
He squeezes your hand and you take a breath. “Not everyone was caught, that would be impossible with how big the organisation was. But yes, our biggest threats are gone for good. But it doesn’t mean I’m totally safe. They’re relocating me till the trial, which could take months at minimum, even years⎼”
“Years?” Your voice cracks. “What are you saying? You’re gonna be away…for years?”
Jungkook’s face twists in pain. Perhaps he had gone about this the wrong way, he should’ve brought it up gradually, gently. It would’ve been too much for anyone to handle.
“You’re not serious.” You say, stilling the air around you. “Wait, is this why you’ve been meeting up with Namjoon so much?”
Many different emotions course through your body, your mind finding it difficult to pinpoint what exactly you’re feeling. But it’s right there in the pit of your stomach, bubbling its way up to your chest. First it’s distraught, heart breaking into pieces at the thought of him having to leave, but then it morphs into something else entirely.
Why had he kept this from you for so long? There were so many chances he had to break it to you.
Your breathing gets erratic with anger. “When did you find out?”
“A couple of weeks ago…”
His voice is soft, but you can’t tell if it’s because he’s lost his confidence or if it’s your hearing being overshadowed by the thumping of your heart. “And you kept this from me all this while?”
You step back, slipping your hand away. “I didn’t know how to break it to you. I didn’t want to hurt you after everything that’s happened.”
“And how do you think I feel now?”
The words feel like a gigantic slap against his cheek, and Jungkook stands there out of words, feet frozen to his spot. As if watching his entire world crashing down in front of him, he stands there while you inch away, anguish swallowing you whole.
“Wait,” he voice comes out hoarse, “please.”
“No, I…” You flinch to stop the tears from dropping, and the sight kills him. You hold on to the railing as your world starts to spin. Looking at Jungkook only made it worse. “I need to go.”
Despite your vision blurring from the tears, you don’t stop, even when you hear him call out to you. Only with your back turned to him do they wet your cheeks, and you wipe them away hastily, trying to get as far away as possible. The shrubs surrounding the dimly lit pathway feel like they’re closing in on you and you pick up speed, eventually running out of there towards the exit.
⎼
The resentment on your face was something he hadn’t expected. He knew you’d be devastated ⎼ he was prepared for that ⎼ but he hadn’t anticipated that you’d be mad at him. Enough to leave him there to bask in his own guilt.
It takes a minute to process before he comes to his senses. The fog clouding his mind clears up, his hearing comes back and his feet finally move. What the fuck am I doing? He blasts himself, questioning why he didn’t start running the moment you turned your back to him.
You’re no longer in sight, disappearing in the direction of the exit towards the subway. He runs as fast as he can, bursting through the doors and down the steps.
“Y/N!”
Only the empty stairwell hears his desperation. Please. Three floors down, he finds the exit to the subway, opening up to a long corridor, an exit to the road on the right and subway on the left. A handful of people walking by stare at him as he runs out the door.
He pulls his hat down and sprints towards the station platform. A high-pitched sound comes from the platform as the train pulls in and comes to a stop. Jungkook jumps over the gantry, and scans the area, looking past several others there to catch the last train.
He walks down the length of the train, occasionally bumping into alighting passengers. The lights on the doors light up, signalling it’s ready to shut, and Jungkook runs down the platform, zooming past the cabins while his eyes continue to survey inside.
The closer he gets to the end, the harder despair sinks into his chest. Slowing down, a jingle plays as the doors finally shut and seconds later the train picks up speed, metal rattling against the tracks as it leaves the station. Jungkook pants, resting his arms on his head as he takes one last look around.
No one.
He leaves the empty station and stands by the roadside, taking a deep breath to calm his still racing heart. The silence of the night bothers him, a reminder of the fact that you’re gone. He let you go, heartbroken and hurt.
And he’s alone again.
⎼
Sunlight peeks through the curtains, piercing your dull room with its bright orange glow. Outside, the hum of cars driving past and the chatter of kids walking to school can be heard. You barely slept a wink, and the pillow beneath you lies damp with fallen tears.
Pushing yourself up, you trot outside to make yourself a cup of tea. The ruckus brings Hana out of her room, face easing into a smile when she sees you. “Oh hey,” she says, “what are you doing here?”
Messy hair, crumpled clothing, and the moment your red, tired eyes meet hers, it was evident something’s wrong. Her face falls, and she’s over by your side within seconds. As her hand touches your arm, you break down, finding comfort in her arms.
She runs her hand over your head as your tears wet the fabric on her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“Jungkook…” you mutter between sobs.
⎼
“What the hell.” Namjoon barges through the door and sees a deflated Jungkook with his head down on the dining table, Jaemin sitting next to him. “What happened?”
“Everything’s fine, sir.” Jaemin stands, holding his palm out.
“I got a ping alerting me that you almost left the city.” Namjoon directs his frustration to Jungkook who still hasn’t graced him with so much as a look. “We had a deal, Jungkook. You said you wanted some freedom while you still have time here. And I agreed on the condition that you wouldn’t cause a ruckus or try to take off without telling anyone.”
No response. Jaemin glances at Jungkook, then turns back to Namjoon. “I’ve checked cctv footage from last night, he wasn’t exposed, nothing putting him at risk of identification.”
“We need to get hold of the footage.” Namjoon presses his lips together and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Already put in a request for that.” Jaemin says. “I’ll get to it now.”
He grabs his coat and walks up to Namjoon, pausing to whisper, “He’s had a rough night. Go easy on him⎼”
“Thank you, agent. You may go.”
Once they’re alone, Namjoon pulls up a chair and looks at the miserable boy before him. Dead eyes, red nose, slightly swollen face. “You look terrible.”
Jungkook blinks, finally showing signs of life. He lifts his heavy head and rubs his eyes. “I fucked up.”
“I take it she didn’t take the news well?” Namjoon asks, knowing the only reason he would end up in this state is if it was anything related to you.
“She was…angry.” He says, bewildered.
Namjoon tilts his head from side to side, “I would be too if I were her.”
“Then she took off, and I stood there like a coward.” He shakes his head. “She couldn’t even look at me…I’m so pathetic.”
“Well.”
“If you say I told you so I swear to god I’m gonna punch you in the face.”
Namjoon presses his lips into a line. Then his features soften, “Give her time. Think about how shocked she must’ve been.”
“But I don’t have time.” Jungkook folds his arms and looks off to the side, voice cracking. “In a week, I’ll be gone. This is all I have left with her.”
“Do you want me to speak to her?”
Jungkook wipes his eyes before turning back to Namjoon. “Do you think that’ll help?”
He shrugs. “I could say it was my idea to keep it from her. Protocol or whatever.”
“I don’t care what you say, just please bring her back here.” Jungkook says, head dropping to the table once again.
Namjoon sighs, “Why didn’t you go after her?”
“I did! But she was gone by then.” Jungkook says. “She must’ve got on the train and went back to her place.”
“Is that why I got the location warning?” Namjoon checks the notification on his phone, confirming he was at the station. “I’m surprised you didn’t just hop on the train yourself.”
“Yeah well, we had an agreement. And I knew I’d be out of chances if I had gotten on. Didn’t even have a ticket or anything, I jumped over the gantry.”
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” Namjoon looks up at him. “But thanks for honouring our agreement. Once Jaemin gets the footage, I’ll deal with it. And I’ll speak to y/n.”
“Thanks.” Jungkook cracks a smile, though he doesn’t look any better than before.
“Now go wash up or something.” He shoves Jungkook’s head lightly. “You’re so pathetic you got Jaemin feeling bad for you…”
⎼
After a cold shower, you sink into your bed, trying to find some comfort in the cool sheets. But turning on your side, your eyes make contact with the framed photo of the two of you on your bedside table. You sigh, squeezing your eyes shut.
Hana pads into the room, stopping by your bed and offering you a cup of hot cocoa. Eventually you sit up, accepting the drink and taking small sips.
“What’s gonna happen now?” She asks, tilting her head.
She’d spent an hour sitting with you on the couch, allowing you to let it all out. The news had come to a shock to her as well, and she’d spent the first ten minutes silently holding you while you sob.
“He’s gonna leave.” You shrug, stating it like you’re trying to convince yourself more than her. “There’s nothing I can do.”
Hana nods, oddly silent. She sits on your bed in thought, pursing her lips with her arms folded, “So…what are you doing?”
“Nothing?” You repeat yourself.
“I mean, what are you doing here?” She asks, chuckling like it’s amusing. You’ve yet to realise what’s so funny. “You’re telling me that your boyfriend ⎼ the one you spent the last month grieving so hard for because you didn’t want to believe he was gone ⎼ has to leave the country soon, and you’re here and not spending whatever time left you have with him?”
Her question knocks you so hard off your balance that you sober up. “I⎼ I’m just…he should’ve told me sooner. He knew about it and he hid it from me.”
“And that’s important right now?” You felt more judged than you’ve ever felt. “Seriously? Who cares? You want to waste time sulking? Have you thought about how he feels? Having to leave everything behind including his girlfriend, who he loves so much he almost took a bullet for?”
“He did take a bullet for me.” You counter, as if that’s the pressing issue here.
She raises her brows and tilts her head, the sassiest she’s ever been. “Really.”
You take a deep breath. Why are you here? Like you said, there’s nothing you can do about it, so why harp on the fact that he kept this from you? You’re wasting precious time right now. When your eyes dart back to Hana, she smiles, knowing you’ve come to your senses.
Getting up to your feet and scrambling for your belongings, you mutter, “You’ve always liked him better, haven’t you?”
Her smug look waves you goodbye as you rush out, calling the first person that comes to mind to help you get back to Namjoon’s apartment.
⎼
Jungkook stares up at the ceiling, not having moved from the couch since noon. When Namjoon comes back after a meeting, he shakes his head at the disinterested Jungkook, who only spares him a single glance before going back to zoning out.
“Did you call her yet?” He asks.
Namjoon huffs. “I’m sorry, I had work to attend to. Your problems aren’t exactly at the top of my list right now.”
“Okay.” Jungkook blinks, turning over to face the inside of the couch.
Namjoon runs his hand over his face. To not have a comeback for his sarcasm tells him how bad things are. “Look I know you’re upset but you can’t⎼”
His sentence stops halfway when the front door opens, followed by the tune it makes. It gets Jungkook curious and he turns to Namjoon who has his eyes set on the door. He gets up, and eyes go wide when he sees you standing there, smiling sheepishly with Jaemin right behind you.
“Y/N?” Jungkook perks up.
He gets on his feet with a sudden burst of energy and you run into his open arms, pressing yourself against his chest. “Jungkook. I’m sorry.” You say, tears rolling down despite your eyes squeezed tight.
He doesn’t hear a word you say, feeling only the tightness in his chest at the relief that you came back.
Namjoon nods to Jaemin and you hear the door close. “Sit down Y/N, I’ll explain everything.”
⎼
It’s been hours since you returned, and Namjoon and Jaemin have since retreated back to their apartments, giving you some privacy. Namjoon had spent some time explaining the move, but much of the details were redacted, not leaving you with a lot. Mostly because the information was classified.
“Is this really necessary?” You ask.
“Yes.” Namjoon says firmly. “In exchange for his cooperation, we’re offering him protection. Right now, as far as anyone knows, Jungkook or “Ace”, is being held at an out-of-state institution. That’s why we’ve had to keep him here since. If anyone knew he was somehow involved in the whole operation, he’d have a target on his back.”
“Kim and Hongjun are dead, aren’t they?”
“But there are others. And these people may have connections on the outside that we don’t know about.”
You look at Jungkook, sitting idly beside you. “Sort of like witness protection.”
“Something like that, yeah.” Namjoon agrees. “But we have enough evidence to tie them to the crimes. We don’t need him as an actual witness. But, we still need to play it safe till the trial.”
Jungkook squeezes your hand, “It’ll only be a few years.”
“Yeah,” you nod, smiling weakly, “I’ll call you every day.”
“No.” Namjoon interrupts almost immediately, eyes wide in alarm. “No calls. We’re going no contact.”
Your heart sinks even more, mouth agape. “What? But⎼”
“That’s how it works; he’ll have a new identity, new job, new background in a new country.” He says, “He’s not going to be Jungkook anymore ⎼ and for security purposes we can’t disclose to you his new identity or where he’s going. As far as you know, Jungkook’s gone. The last time you saw him was the night of the raid.”
You take a deep breath, frustration mingling with the grief in your chest. “And when he comes back in a few years? Won’t that be suspicious?”
“In a few years selling the idea that he was held in a different state wouldn’t be a problem. He could say he got out early for good behaviour or something.” Namjoon waves his hand vaguely. “We’ll talk about that when the time comes.”
In a different country, living under a fake name with little to no contact with anyone he knows here. You lie next to Jungkook, listening to him talk about the move. You keep your feelings in check, knowing how much more anxious he must be.
You go quiet and he glances at you, zoned out. Nudging you, he gets on his side and places his palm to your cheek. “Hey. You okay?”
“Oh yeah, sorry.” You smile, grabbing his hand. “I just got distracted.”
You hate to make him worry, especially now. The one thing you can do for him is to make sure he knows you’ll be okay.
“Is it about me leaving?” He asks. You shake your head and he gives you a look. “Liar.”
You chuckle, sliding up and leaning against the headboard. “Five more days, right?”
He looks at you with a blank stare, hating how casual you are about it. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with this.”
“I’m not.” You shrug, lacing your fingers with his as he slides up and joins you, “But Hana’s right ⎼ there’s no time to mull over how much this sucks.”
Jungkook tightens his grip. “I should’ve told you sooner.”
“Yeah,” your voice cracks a smidge and you clear your throat, “you’re a dick.”
“Sorry.” He kisses the side of your head.
“It’s fine,” you say, more so convincing yourself than him, “let’s make the best of the next few days, okay?”
Jungkook nods, pressing his head against yours. The air feels heavy with your worries, wearing you down. His arm lays heavy over you as you lay there silently, looking out the window. Behind you, the absence of his snoring tells you he lies awake behind you as well.
It’s evident that neither of you are okay with this, but the only thing that you need right now is to sit with those feelings. As uncomfortable as they may be.
⎼
The next morning, the news plays on the television, reporting on details of the case. Namjoon sits on the couch, paying close attention while Jungkook stays close by as he tidies the house, glancing at the screen every now and then.
You tune it out, feeling all sorts of ways every time they bring up a trial. “How’s the media so fast with the info…” Namjoon mutters to himself, turning the volume down.
“You’re probably not the only one with an informant,” Jungkook says mindlessly and he scoffs.
“So, you ready?” Jungkook stops wiping the table down and stares at him. Namjoon goes back and forth between you two, picking up on the awkwardness. “No?”
“Does it matter?” Jungkook shrugs.
Namjoon’s shoulders drop slightly. “I know this is hard on you, but it’s the best case scenario.”
“I get that.” Jungkook says, going back to cleaning. Avoiding further eye contact with Namjoon, the older man looks to you, and you shake your head, signalling him to leave it be.
“Alright, I’m gonna go. And I’ll be back in the evening with your guests.” He says, nodding to you with a smile. You bid him goodbye as he leaves.
Minutes later, Jungkook abandoned his chore, choosing to sit on the high stool of the counter, watching as you work on a batch of brownie batter. You smile up at him when you notice how intensely he’s staring. He then moves from his seat, coming up behind you, resting his head on your head and arms around your waist.
“Chill, I’m not running away again anytime soon.” You joke, and he smiles.
The two of you found the whole thing rather amusing after talking it out. But at the back of your minds, the pressing reality haunts the both of you. Your laughters drown out the anxiety of what’s to come.
“Sure you’re not mad at me still?” He asks, peeking down. “Folding that batter rather harshly.”
“Positive.” You say firmly. “Maybe a little…”
He peppers kisses on your cheeks, squishing your face between his fingers and forcing you to drop the spatula into the bowl. “Better?”
Your cheeks hurt from smiling wide. He traps you between his body and the counter, and you look up at him smiling down. “I love you.” You blurt out, and his smile drops for a moment.
“I love you too.” He whispers, looking down. “I’m sorry. I wish…it could be different…”
“Hey,” you stop him, bringing his eyes back to you, “we said we wouldn’t do that…”
A solemn smile appears on his face. He nods at your words. “Yeah, you’re right.”
It hurts to see him so miserable, perhaps even more miserable than you are on the inside. But harping on what can’t be changed is fruitless. The time you have left can be spent cherishing whatever you have now.
“Now, why don’t you start preparing what we need for tonight?” You change the subject and bring him back to the present.
It works in the moment, when you notice his face eases up, and he gets to work, opening up the cabinets to fish out the dinnerware. While he gets to work, you glance at him occasionally, wondering how he managed to keep up a front the last week you’ve been together, knowing he’d eventually have to leave.
He looks up and smiles at you, and you feel a tug at your heartstrings, knowing you won’t be seeing that for a long time.
⎼
The mirror has seen Jungkook more than you have the entire afternoon. He puts on a simple blue sweater you picked and paired it with black jeans, getting a weird feeling in his tummy when he thinks about the dinner. Even though he denies it, you know he’s excited, jittery even, to see his friends again.
While he waits, Jungkook practises his smile, then physically cringes at how ridiculous he’s being. Luckily you’re not here to laugh at him. You’d left a while ago, waiting for Namjoon and the others at the basement carpark.
Jungkook flops down on the bed, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast. Meanwhile, downstairs, you stand near the entrance of the basement ready to greet the two black SUVs as they arrive. The first one opens up to a beaming Hana, excitement showing in her demeanour. If Namjoon had been in the car, he definitely would’ve figured out that she knows.
Ten minutes later, Hoseok and Jimin’s car arrive and you see Jimin immediately darting towards you, going in for a hug. “Where’ve you been, stranger?” He asks, squeezing you.
“Here and there.” You say, leaning into him.
Catching up behind him, Hoseok offers you a warm smile, relieved to see you in good spirits. Once you pull away from Jimin, he steps forward. “First of all, I’m sorry about last time. We were jerks. I was a jerk.”
You wave it off. “Don’t worry about that. I’m good now.”
“Really?” He raises a brow, casting a doubtful look at your switch up. He finds it strange when you extend your arm to give him a hug as well, but doesn’t oppose.
Namjoon shows up from behind, ushering everyone to the lift lobby. Everyone is quiet, paying close attention as he scans his biometrics, waiting for a green flash to appear before pressing the button to his floor. You giggle at their awed expressions.
“I’ve missed you,” Jimin nudges you, “you’re okay?”
“Of course she is,” Hana chimes in just as the elevator stops, opening up to the corridor. Namjoon leads the way, once again using his biometrics to unlock the door. “Look at this place. I bet it has a great⎼”
“The view…” Jimin continues, pushing past you and Hana and going straight for the high windows. The other two join him and they gawk at the skyline, completely ignoring the nice table set up you and Jungkook had worked on.
Hoseok shakes his head. “I always knew you were rich but you’re actually rich rich.”
“Oh come on,” Namjoon scoffs, “this place technically belongs to my company.”
“Still,” Hana shrugs, “no wonder y/n wouldn’t go back home.”
She winks your way and you widen your eyes, trying to control the huge grin. Namjoon then takes it upon himself to hand out champagne glasses, “Here you go guys…thanks for coming over tonight. I really wanted everyone to be able to come together after…all that’s happened.”
Everyone stands to face Namjoon as he speaks. Without realising, their glasses start to fill, starting with Hana. She turns to the server, about to relay her thanks, not thinking much about the fact that maybe Namjoon had a butler whose presence she had missed. But she goes for a double take, before words can even be said, and the man shoots her a charming wink before moving ahead.
Hoseok’s glass is next.
“Congrats on the successful case.” Hoseok says, angling his glass to allow for a better flow. But he’s much too focused on Namjoon to notice anything. “I can finally stop pretending not to know you.”
“Yeah, you killed it.” Jimin chimes in.
“You don’t even know who he is.” Hana raises a brow at him.
“I’ve seen him around okay?” Jimin mutters, watching the liquid fill his glass. He glances at the server and smiles, raising his glass. “Cheers. Thanks Jungkook.”
Your smile grows wider as you watch Jimin freeze just an inch away from the glass touching his lips. Hoseok snaps his head to the man behind him, mouth parting and unable to tear his eyes away from the sight that he doesn’t even think is real.
Jimin spins around, carefully studying the person standing an arm’s length away from him. Jungkook notices the twist of his face, one he always makes when he’s emotional.
“Jungkook!”
In his excitement, red wine spills all over the floor as he jumps towards Jungkook, holding him tight. Welcoming the embrace, Jungkook’s smile reaches his eyes and he lets his head drop to Jimin’s shoulder. “Hey, Jimin. Long time no see.”
“Jeon Jungook, what the hell.” Hoseok mutters unbelievably. He turns to Namjoon for confirmation, as if the person he’s looking at might just be a figment of his imagination.
Even as Jimin pulls away, collecting himself, Hoseok finds it hard to believe that it’s the same Jungkook he’d spent weeks checking hospitals for, the Jungkook he thought had fled somewhere far away. He’d gone through many different scenarios in his head, of when he would somehow see Jungkook again, but he didn’t think it would be so soon.
Staring at him wide-eyed, almost as nervous as he is, Jungkook clears his throat. “Hi, hyung.”
⎼
Under the table, Jungkook’s hand finds solace in yours, squeezing every time the nerves get to him. He doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, but as soon as he sees your reassuring smile, he relaxes. You turn your palm over, letting your fingers lace together with his.
Everyone’s impatience forced Namjoon to retell the story over dinner; how the plan came about and where Jungkook fit into all of it. As absorbed as you were the first time, everyone eats silently while Namjoon goes on.
Seeing how Jungkook has barely touched his food, you lean in to whisper, “You okay?”
Jungkook sneaks a glance at the others, all focused on Namjoon, “I feel weird.” He admits.
His sweaty palms are a testament to that, as well as eyes that shy away from the others. “You’re doing fine. Just be yourself.”
Jungkook nods, swallowing the lump in his throat as he tries to figure out how to do that. What does being himself mean? He’d always been himself around them, but that was his old self.
Just as he’s getting lost in his thoughts, he feels the weight of three pairs of eyes turn to him. “I can’t believe you were his informant the entire time,” Hana says, “You played the role so well, I thought ya’ll couldn’t stand each other.”
“Oh that wasn’t acting.” Jungkook shakes his head, “I actually can’t stand him.”
Already anticipating such a response, Namjoon’s eyes roll as far back as they can go. Heart thumping at his first comment out loud, Jungkook sucks in a breath to calm himself. You give him a squeeze of his hand to let him know he did good.
“And you never figured it out?” Jimin asks, side eyeing you.
You punch him lightly and he pouts. “Hey, no one knew. You’re his best friend and you didn’t figure it out either.”
“How did you do it?” Hoseok asks, and there’s a moment of awkwardness as everyone waits for Jungkook’s reply. “Must’ve been lonely…not having anyone to talk to about it with.”
He takes a while to think, huffing a small laugh as he plays with the cut up meat on his plate. “It wasn’t easy…I had to keep lying to people. Which made things a lot more complicated because the lies kept coming back to bite me.”
Everyone takes a moment, realising it’s the first time they’ve ever heard Jungkook speak so vulnerably. It’s new to him too, only ever being comfortable to open up around you. And Suga.
“Probably didn’t help that someone kept meddling,” Namjoon says, breaking the tension. His eyes hook right on to yours, “Even after getting a warning. Multiple warnings in fact.”
“I’m very passionate about my loved ones.” You stick your nose proudly in the air, earning a scowl from Namjoon.
“Did you know?” Hana asks, avoiding your stare. “We went through such lengths to keep things from you.”
Jungkook glances at you, smiling. “I had no idea. I just thought she was obsessed.”
Your jaw drops as a round of laughs make its way through the table and Jungkook grins. He pulls you close to his side, squishing your cheeks.
“I’m kidding.” He says. “I knew you were a meddler but I didn’t think it went that far.”
“Yeah, you were basically running your own operation while we ran ours.” Namjoon shakes his head and you throw a broccoli his way, hitting him right on the forehead. He sits back in his chair, jutting his chin out with restrained annoyance as Jimin and Hana snicker across from him.
Next to Namjoon, Hoseok watches on with a smile while you go back and forth, still finding it odd to be sitting on the same table as his friend and everyone else, especially Jungook. He sneaks a glance in Jungkook’s direction, only to find him already staring.
Taken by surprise at the sudden eye contact, Jungkook blinks rapidly before finding interest in his food. You manage to catch the tiniest look of endearment on Hoseok’s face as he’s looking at Jungkook. His eyes then drift over to yours, eyes crinkling into a smile, which you return. Hoseok’s heart thumps in his chest, seeing the most genuine smile he’s ever seen from you.
⎼
After some persuading, Namjoon agreed to bring everyone up to the rooftop, where Jungkook and you often frequent. You were too excited to be able to share the view with your friends, hooking your arm around theirs, immediately dragging them past the pool towards the rooftop garden.
Strolling behind, Namjoon, Hoseok and Jungkook walk at a steady pace. Jungkook walks a couple of steps behind the other two, snorting when he hears your voice in the distance, blabbering about something.
Namjoon glances back, then bumps his elbow against his friend. Hoseok looks at him curiously, and Namjoon nods towards the back, and as Hoseok’s eyes dart to Jungkook, awkwardness wraps around his entire being.
With a curt nod, Namjoon gets ahead, catching up with everyone else, leaving Hoseok and Jungkook alone for the first time tonight. In an effort to be the bigger person, Hoseok slows down to match his steps with Jungkook.
They make eye contact the moment they walk side by side, and both huff out an awkward chuckle.
“Sorry I’m just feeling a little…”
“Awkward?” Jungkook finishes his sentence and they both laugh, then fall quiet again. “Feels weird when we’re not arguing over something.”
Hoseok huffs, smiling as he nods in agreement. “How’ve you been?”
“Okay I guess.” Jungkook shrugs. “You?”
“Good.” Hoseok takes a breath. “It’s good to see you again.”
Jungkook gets a weird feeling in his chest, something he hasn’t felt since he was a child. Faint memories of his family come back to him for some reason.
“I thought you escaped somehow.” Hoseok says as they settle on the daybeds by the pool. He sits facing Jungkook, noticing his eyes drifting off to where you are, standing by the railing overlooking the view with the others. “She had a feeling you were still around though. We didn’t believe her.”
“She’s always right.” Jungkook chuckles and so does Hoseok. “But I don’t blame you. Classic me move, right? Running away every time there’s a problem.”
Hoseok’s smile drops. Seemingly unbothered by his own comment, Jungkook stretches his leg out in front of him, patting his palms on his thighs. All the times he’s criticised Jungkook comes to mind, wondering how much Jungkook must have internalised for him to be okay saying such things about himself.
“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”
Unsure if he had heard right, Jungkook’s stares at him wide-eyed. “What did you say?”
“I’m really sorry,” Hoseok repeats, shaking his guilt-ridden head. “I’ve spent many nights thinking about how badly I treated you. It was horrible…”
Jungkook smiles. “It’s okay.”
“No, don’t say that.” Hoseok sighs. “Don’t let me off the hook so easily. I was always criticising you and telling you what to do, judging you when I didn’t even know you at all. You were right when you said I had a saviour complex. I kept saying that I was doing all that because I cared ⎼ and I did, I still do ⎼ but I went about it the wrong way.”
“I should’ve sat down with you and tried to understand you. Then maybe I could’ve given you real advice. But instead I just ordered you around.”
“I mean, I wasn’t the easiest to talk to.” Jungkook rubs the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “And a lot of what you said was true, I just didn’t want to hear it.”
“It's hard to hear over someone constantly berating you.” Hoseok says. “At some point I even turned on you and let my feelings for y/n get in the way. Wasn’t till she told me off one day that it really hit me…you should’ve just socked me in the face.”
“Trust me, I thought about that a lot.” Jungkook admits, laughing. “I’m kidding. Not gonna lie, you were annoying. But now that I can think clearly, looking back, I can see you meant well. Back then I had so many things on my mind, and your constant lectures were just something I couldn’t deal with. Which is why I was so defensive.”
“You did have a lot going on…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Hoseok offers an apologetic smile. “All that time you were actually in on the case with Namjoon.”
“To be fair, before that I was just a menace.” Jungkook chuckles, and Hoseok realises he’s never been able to sit with Jungkook like this, hearing him laugh about silly things. “When I got involved, I had to bite my tongue from letting it slip every time we fought. I wanted so badly to tell you I’m trying, I’m trying to change.”
It makes Hoseok emotional hearing that; it was all he ever wanted, for Jungkook to be a better person. Yet when it was happening, he didn’t even realise it. Regret seeps through his entire being. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
It’s something Jungkook can smile about now, though he remembers the frustration at the time. “It’s all good now. Water under the bridge.”
Almost as if he doesn’t recognise the person in front of him, Hoseok tilts his head slightly, admiring Jungkook. The rude, indifferent boy no longer present, replaced with a level-headed version of him; mature yet surrounded by a youthful aura.
“In the end, you did the right thing though. And all on your own.” Hoseok grins, “I’m proud of you.”
The four words echo through Jungkook’s head and he looks away, feeling that ache in his chest again. What follows is an odd sensation of relief washing over him. The mix of emotions confuse him, and perhaps it’s because he never truly allowed himself to have such moments; the only ever person he would let himself be open with was with you. And now, he sits here, blinking away tears.
Jungkook clears his throat. “I um…I wanted to thank you.”
“For what?”
“Just…” Jungkook shrugs, “I know that it was you who got Namjoon involved in the first place⎼”
“I’m sorry for that too,” Hoseok buries his head in his hands, “I didn’t think things would get so serious. I thought it would be a simple crackdown and you’d be free. But this⎼ I didn’t⎼”
“I know,” Jungkook says gently, “Namjoon told me everything. But also…for always being there for y/n. You care a lot about her and I appreciate it, you’ve always looked out for her. And I hope you can continue to do that.”
Something about the way Jungkook said it made Hoseok feel uneasy. His tone had been ominous and loaded, there was definitely more to it. But before Hoseok has a chance to question it, Jungkook’s attention rips away from him and he straightens up happily, eyes hooked on to your approaching figure.
“Hey.” You plop down right next to him, “What are you two talking about?”
“Stuff.” Jungkook says, stretching his arm out over your shoulders.
Hoseok nods, “Stuff.”
“Fascinating.” You say bluntly, then turn to Hoseok. “Have you seen the view? It’s ⎼”
“We were actually just talking about how stubborn you are.” Jungkook cuts you off, winking at the man across from him.
“Yeah,” Hoseok huffs out, puffing his cheeks and his head sways side to side, “remember when she made a deal with Hongjun and got herself in trouble?”
“Oh yeah, how could I forget.” Jungkook sighs. “Can you imagine? Putting herself at risk like that.”
Their heads spin to you, gauging your reaction. Just as they thought, you sit there with your arms folded, forehead creased with annoyance. You go back and forth between the two of them. “I don’t like this new dynamic.”
⎼
Jungkook tries to recall the last time his cheeks hurt from smiling too much. Or if he’s ever laughed as much as he has tonight. He’d sink into pockets of awkwardness at times, but it wasn’t hard to get back into the rhythm and pick himself out of that hole.
It makes him think about the last few years, and how different life could’ve been and how much he might’ve missed out on.
Across the room, you take turns to play a video game Namjoon put on, the four of you screaming every time a character is annihilated. Jungkook opens the fridge and stares mindlessly at the inside for a minute. Namjoon then comes up behind him, shuffling around the kitchen for some snacks. He finds a packet of chips and tears the bag open while his back leans against the counter.
Feeling a pair of eyes trained on him, Jungkook looks over his shoulder. “What?”
“Ready?”
Jungkook turns back around. “For what?” He mumbles as he bends down to grab a can.
“To break the news to them.” He says quietly, “Or are you not doing that tonight?”
The fridge door shuts a little too hard and Jungkook winces. In front of the television, the other four remain unbothered, eyes glued to the screen. “I don’t want to ruin the night.”
Namjoon shrugs. “Although I’m sure they’d want to know sooner than later.”
“Weren’t you the one who suggested I tell them on the day I’m leaving?”
“Yes,” Namjoon drags the word out, “that is usually how we do it. But I’m willing to close one eye and let you have a choice.”
“I don’t even think I can do it.” Jungkook says, looking over at them again. How can he drop the news so casually after tonight? It’s taken months to reveal himself to them, and for them to find out that he was working with Namjoon the whole time, only to then break the news that he has to leave in a matter of days?
His shoulder drops when Namjoon places his hand on it. “I could make the announcement for you?”
Jungkook gives it a thought. The joy on your face is something he doesn’t want to see gone. If you can put up a brave front despite already knowing, then he can too. Thinking back to the promise he’s made to you, to enjoy the last few days you have with each other, Jungkook makes up his mind.
He shakes his head, and Namjoon nods with a smile. Everyone will just have to forgive him once more in the future.
⎼
Jungkook fluffs the last pillow and sets it back neatly on the couch. Looking around, he exhales in triumph at how he’s managed to tidy up the place back to its original state. The quiet feels strangely odd, now that’s everyone’s gone home, even though it’s all he’s known in the last month.
He grabs the trash bags you’d left by the kitchen, and steps outside to dump the last of them down the chute. Just before he makes his way back inside, Jungkook lingers by the doorframe, staring at the elevator where everyone said their goodbyes.
“See you soon!” Hoseok said. And Jimin goes on about how he can’t wait for Jungkook to return to the house, thankful that they hadn’t cleared out his room.
Jungkook could only smile, knowing he in fact won’t be back.
After washing up, you enter the room to find Jungkook on the bed, looking through your phone with a towel around his damp hair. You climb on his back, taking a whiff of his body wash and sighing immediately.
Jungkook’s smile stretches wider as he scrolls through the pictures you took tonight. Your chin finds a spot on his shoulder and you let your weight rest on him. “That was a nice night, right?”
“Mhm.” He nods and you kiss the side of his face. “I was awkward though.”
“But you did so well.” You reassure him, rolling off his back and joining him on your front, shoulder to shoulder with him. “Everyone was so happy to see you.”
Jungkook’s heart swells, something he’s still trying to get used to. He passes the phone back to you and gets on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He still thinks about the conversation he had with Hoseok, how for the first time ever, they’ve spoken without getting into a huge fight. “It was so crazy. Hoseok apologised to me, you know?”
“Did he?” You lie on your side, head resting on your palm.
“Yeah.” Jungkook smiles as he recalls. “It’s weird I got kind of nervous…but also happy.”
“That’s cute!” You chuckle. “Deep down you actually do like him, don’t you?”
“I guess I do now.” Jungkook thinks back to the old days, when he would roll his eyes at the sight of Hoseok or the whiff of his cologne. “Back then he was insufferable. But tonight…he was kinda cool. Apologising and shit.”
“Did you apologise?”
Jungkook turns to you confused. “What? Was I supposed to?”
“I mean you were pretty mean to him back then.” You say and he frowns deeper. “Remember when you almost got us into a crash?”
Jungkook’s face softens when you remind him of that. “Hey…”
You laugh at his disappointment in you bringing it up again, though you never actually got to speaking about it since that night. “What? It’s true!”
“But you slapped me after.” He says, as a matter-of-factly.
“Cause you almost killed us…” You say slowly and, “and then you almost beat him up.”
“Well if you hadn’t ran off with him…”
You gasp dramatically, getting on your knees to twist his ear. He cries out in pain, but a smile still lingers on his lips. Strong arms hold you in place as you climb on top of him. “I didn’t run off with him! I was running away from you! Because you⎼”
He easily plucks your hand away from his ear with the way you back down, slowly remembering the events of the night that led up to his car chase. The image of him holding Hongjun in a headlock appears in your mind.
His playful gaze softens, thumb caressing the back of your palm reassuringly. “That was when you asked me to run off with you, wasn’t it? You were warning me about the operation.”
Nodding, it feels silly now knowing he was involved all along. It’s no wonder he was so reluctant to leave.
“That was when things started to make sense; your behaviour, the break-up, why you were so adamant on running away with me.” Jungkook chuckles, sitting up to get closer to you. His arms keep you in place on his lap. “Could you tell I was panicking?”
“I didn’t realise,” you admit, “I thought you wanted to stay loyal to your friends…it was so frustrating.”
He laughs but it’s cut short when he doesn’t see you joining him. Instead, your eyes glaze over, and he loses you in that moment. Only when the back of his fingers gently graze against your cheek do you return, eyes going back and forth between his.
“You had that same look,” he whispers.
You swallow, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “Hm?”
“That night, you had the same look on your face.” He repeats, tilting his head when you avert your gaze, “Right before you ran off.”
You slide off of him, grabbing a pillow to hug. Jungkook mirrors your movements, crossing his legs and letting your knees touch. When the distress on your face doesn’t go away, he gets nervous, frowning when he realises whatever it is, is bothering you that much.
“Is it Hongjun?” He asks carefully, reminded of how anxious you got previously.
You wet your dry lips, suddenly feeling warm under his stare. The thought of Hongjun still brings back bad feelings sometimes, but it’s not what Jungkook thinks it is.
“Not exactly…” you mutter, stopping before you say more. With all that’s happened, you can’t even remember if you’d asked him about the video.
“It’s…you see before that…” you swallow your nerves, “I was⎼ ugh fuck.”
“Hey, it’s alright.” Jungkook places his hand over yours.
“I don’t want you to get upset…” You say quietly.
He reaches under your chin to lift your gaze, gentle eyes greeting you. He smiles. “Tell me.”
You take another deep breath, squeezing his hand. “Back then, Hongjun was still contacting me.”
Jungkook nods curtly, paying close attention.
“Well...he…”
His body visibly tenses from the suspense. “Did he do anything to you?”
“No,” you shake your head and let your fingers intertwine with his, watching his shoulders relax, “I don’t know where to start…”
Jungkook tucks stray hairs away from your face and runs his thumb over your cheek. “From the beginning?”
Recalling your contact with Hongjun felt odd, now that he’s gone, and the usual uneasiness in Jungkook’s expression which normally surfaced, no longer an issue. He seems to have internalised that Hongjun would never come back to haunt him.
From the first time he’d sourced you out at the cafe, right down to the time he waited for you on campus, Jungkook listens attentively as you explain how Hongjun had wanted you to help him. None of it came as a surprise to Jungkook, it was exactly the kind of person Hongjun was; devious and manipulative.
If he had known all this was happening, it would have been over for him. But now that he’s dead, Jungkook finds it regretful only because it caused you so much stress.
“He said some things about you and some of the things you did for Kim.” You say.
Jungkook nods. “He was manipulating you. He knew you were his best bet in getting me out of the picture.”
“The thing is, I knew deep down that’s what it was. But I was also scared…”
Your words trail off and he lowers his head to match yours, “Scared of…me?”
“Of the things he said you did.” You squeeze your eyes shut but he cups your face and brings it up to his.
“I’ve said it before, haven't I? None of it’s true.”
“I know that, I believe you.”
Jungkook searches your eyes. “But?...”
“There was a video. Of you.” He shifts uncomfortably, eyes locked on to yours. “You were in a fight. And it looked like you won, but the other guy…”
Jungkook seems to catch on to what you’re referring to. There’s been many fights he’s been over the years but only a few come to mind at once. And he can’t think of many that anyone would have a video of. If he wasn’t nervous before, now he is.
“Wait,” his forehead creases, “he sent you a video of me in this fight?”
“Yes.” You breath out shakily. “I didn’t want to believe him when he said you were doing all sorts of terrible things to people because of Kim. He kept trying to convince me that you needed me to save you. So he sent me that video as proof that if I don't help you, it’ll only get worse and worse.”
“What did you see?”
Staring at him, you hesitate to carry on, but he raises his brows, urging you with a silent promise that it’ll be okay. “There were people cheering and screaming. It was really loud. And I saw you somewhere in the middle of all that, tangled up with someone. He was in a chokehold, in your arms…and then I think he…”
Shaking your head, you refuse to go on, averting your eyes to where your hands have balled up the blankets in your fists.
“And I know you said you don’t⎼ you’ve never⎼ killed anyone but⎼”
“Calm down⎼”
“I don’t know what went down that night but I know you would never I know they made you do it, and⎼”
“Stop.”
“And I’m willing to move past that, I still love you.”
Jungkook shuts his eyes and heaves out, dropping his head. For a moment you think he might lose it, or breakdown, something. But the corners of his lips curve up and now he’s looking at you with a tender look in his glossy eyes. “Who are you kidding my love? You’d have sleepless nights if the love of your life killed someone.”
“But I’m⎼”
“Thankfully he’s not.”
The amusement all over his face doesn’t help to convince you. You can’t tell if he’s already accepted a man’s death by his hands or if he’s pushed the memory so far back into his mind, he’s convinced himself it never happened. Both possibilities don’t sound so good.
“It’s not funny.”
“I know, sorry.” He smiles, taking your hands in his. “I didn’t kill anyone.”
“I saw the video, Jungkook. It was a fight to the death, people placed bets on you. You won, he died.”
Jungkook nods, “That’s what I thought happened too. I was chosen to fight but he volunteered, I didn’t know the guy, hadn’t seen him before that night. I thought he was one of Barome’s men. Trust me…you have no idea how I felt after the fight, thinking I’d killed him.”
“Wait, so…”
“He’s not dead.”
As simple as they are, the words would not process in your head. It just made no sense. “Wha⎼ How? Are you sure?”
“Namjoon said so.” Jungkook says. “That guy might have been undercover too. He didn’t go into too much detail but I’m guessing they figured out a way to make it look like he was dead for real. Wouldn’t be too hard considering everyone was pretty much high or wasted that night. I wish he’d told me cause I was inconsolable after.”
“I don’t even remember the fight or what led up to it. Someone must’ve slipped me something. But I would never kill anyone, only knock them out cold. I don’t even know how to kill someone like that. So when I found out what happened…it was like a nightmare.”
“Oh gosh…” your stomach twists, “I shouldn’t have believed Hongjun…”
“I don’t blame you.” Jungkook smiles reassuringly. “I believed it myself. He really wanted you to get me out of the picture huh?”
“Yeah, and it worked.” You smile sheepishly. “That’s why I was so flustered that night. I made excuses for it…like maybe you were forced to do it or something. But then when Hongjun showed up and I saw you hold him in a chokehold till he passed out…”
“It reminded you of the video.”
Nodding as your heart starts to fill with relief, pushing away any thoughts you had before, you crawl into his arms and he hugs you tight. “That’s why I wanted us to run away together. I thought I was saving you. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know Hongjun and this is exactly the type of shit he’d pull.” Jungkook sighs.
“I was stupid to even take up his offer.” You say, pulling away and rolling off face down into a pillow.
Jungkook’s palm lands on your ass, and you let out a yelp, turning to scowl at him. Chuckling, he rolls you back to your front, sliding on his side to rest next to you. “You literally never listen.”
With a roll of your eyes, you playfully slap him. He cups the side of his affected cheek and gasps. “Another slap.”
“A loving one.”
Jungkook leans in to capture your lips in a tender kiss, one that has your body melting into the mattress. Pulling away far too quickly, he chuckles at your half-lidded eyes, feeling the exhaustion catching up to himself after all the excitement of the day.
You get comfy under the covers as he turns the lights off and pulls the curtains back, allowing the brightness of the city to illuminate the room instead. Ignoring the space you made next to you, he climbs on top and rests his weight on you, melting your bodies together.
You hum out a sigh. “Heavy.”
His body shakes with giggles, head nestled nicely between your bosoms. “But comfy.”
Your body eventually adjusts to it, muscles relaxing beneath him, and fatigue slowly creeping over you. Fingers trace his scalp, easing him to closed eyes. “Thanks for coming back.”
His voice fills the silence of the night. With no response, he thinks maybe you’ve fallen asleep, hands no longer stroking his head. But then they slide lower, rubbing his back soothingly. “Sorry for getting mad.”
“Sorry for keeping it a secret.”
“Sorry for conspiring with Hongjun.”
Jungkook laughs, lifting his head. “Okay how far back are we gonna take this?”
“I don’t know,” you grin and even in the dark he can’t stop staring, “but I am sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” He says, “Hongjun’s a master manipulator. He was just using you. Which is why I said not to engage with him.”
“Like you said, it’s not my fault.” You shrug and he laughs unbelievably. Sliding up to meet his face with yours, the tip of his nose gently grazes yours.
“I adore you, you know that?” His hot breath tickles, and a finger grazes over your face.
“I know,” his head drops to your shoulder and you slap his back, “Jaemin told me you cried all night.”
“I’m literally gonna wring his neck the next time I see him.”
“Don’t be mean!” You say, “I like him. He’s nice.”
Jungkook leans in closer, moving in to kiss you fervently.
⎼
In the middle of the night, your eyes peel open after drifting out of a blank dream, leaving you dissatisfied and tossing over to find a more comfortable position. Turning to the other side, your arm stretches out to reach for something to cling to. But it falls to the bed much to your disappointment.
In place of Jungkook, his lived-in spot and a tossed over blanket remain. No sounds appear to come from the bathroom, so you slip out the door which was left slightly ajar. And standing in front of the windows, you see his lonesome figure, staring outside.
Sleep hasn’t been an issue ever since you came, but you know some nights still give him trouble. “Jungkook?” Trotting over to where he is, you drag your slippers against the floor. He must have heard you, but he remains still as a statue. “Nightmares again?”
Only a soft sniffle can be heard in the silence. And as you come up to his side, illuminated by the city lights, you see tears streaming down his face, tired and strained eyes avoiding you. A wave of panic rushes through your body and you cup his face, feeling its warmth spreading to your hands. “What’s wrong?”
Jungkook shakes his head, turning away. But you persist, pulling him back to face you. Words struggle to leave him and you can only wrap around him, holding him tight as whispering soft words of comfort. His head slowly drops, tears dampening the clothes on your shoulder.
As if scared to make a sound, Jungkook continues to cry silently, sniffing every now and then. His arms hold on to you so tight you can feel the beating of his heart against your body. Wishing you knew what’s going on in that head of his, you run a soothing hand down his back, waiting for him to calm down before trying to pull away.
A while passes and you almost doze off yourself, resting against the couch. At some point, he had let up enough for you to tug him there, where he found comfort in your lap. The sobbing slows down, and you take a peek, finding him still awake and staring at the blank screen ahead.
“You okay?”
He nods, cheek brushing against your thigh.
“Talk to me.” You say gently, giving him time to gather himself.
“It keeps coming back to me,” he says, shifting his body so that he lays on his back, looking up at you, “every time I close my eyes I see him, lying there on the ground…”
“Who?”
“Kim.” It comes out in a whisper, and he shuts his eyes like it pains him. After all this time, you still don’t know what happened that night. The news had reported a cardiac arrest at the time of confrontation, but you know it’s not the full story, because they weren’t there either. Only Jungkook, Namjoon, Seokjin and Kim would know what actually happened then.
You rub a thumb over his damp and sore cheek. He sniffles.
“I close my eyes and I see him,” he repeats, struggling to continue,
“I had to choose…between him…and…”With a hand over his chest, you feel the shakiness in his breath. He winces at the pain he feels inside. “Take your time.” You say softly.
“I pointed the gun at him.” Jungkook continues with a strained voice. He sits up, feeling suffocated. “And the look on his face…I⎼ He was so disappointed, I know he was.”
“Even after what happened at the club…he still trusted me y/n…” Jungkook says, “And I let him down. I betrayed him after everything he’s done for me. The moment he knew I wasn’t on his side, he⎼”
Warm tears stream down his face faster than you can wipe them away.
“His heart just stopped,” Jungkook says, with an empty look in his eyes. “It just stopped. Because of me. I killed him. He’s dead because of me.”
Tears well up in your own eyes, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach at the sight of Jungkook so broken. Devastated by how he’s blaming himself for Kim’s death, you hush him. “Don’t say that.”
“His last words to me were that he trusted me.” Jungkook whispers, hanging his head low.
Embracing him, he’s much gentler this time, letting his chin rest on your shoulder. For so long, this has been bothering him with no one to talk to. So much so that it ended up eating him alive.
Every night since Kim died, Jungkook has had the same recurring nightmare, one where he’s forced to remember Kim’s last moments, on the ground in that alley where he had revealed his alliance with Namjoon. Even if he did manage to get through the night, he would never feel fully rested.
Kim’s death weighs heavy in his chest. He considers himself to blame, and no one can convince him otherwise. He was there that night, and nothing can change how it all happened, even if he so desperately wishes for things to have ended differently.
“I’m so sorry.” You whisper, wishing you could absorb all the pain and let it consume you instead. “I didn’t know.”
“That was the last time I saw him.” Jungkook says. “I still remember how cold his hand was against mine. He smiled at me, told me he trusted me. He left the company to me. To Suga.”
Suga. Somehow you had forgotten about him. But you were also conscious of how Jungkook hadn’t uttered his name since, and figured it isn’t something he wants to talk about especially after the revelation of Jungkook as Namjoon’s informant.
“And Suga…I let him down.” Jungkook sniffs. “I let him down. He saw the whole thing. The betrayal, Kim falling after.”
Your heart beats wildly in your chest. What Mia told you before suddenly comes to mind; someone spotting Suga in this exact part of the city. It might be a coincidence, and it might not even be him, but you decide not to tell Jungkook yet.
Knowing there’s nothing much you can say to snap him out of it, you comfort him in the only way you know how. Your presence keeps him grounded, and a tiny piece of the burden he’s been carrying lifts off his shoulders.
Weariness overcomes Jungkook and his eyelids fight a losing battle. Not wanting to ruin his chances of getting some rest, you continue to rub his back, whispering words of comfort, and the two of you stay on the couch for the rest of the night with Jungkook snoring lightly next to you. His arm lies limp over your middle and you lay awake, staring at the ceiling as your thoughts cloud your mind.
⎼
“What about winter coats?” You flash your screen to show him one you found online.
His nose scrunches up. “Don’t know if I’ll need it there.”
“Which is where…” You zip your lip when he raises a brow at you, shaking his head.
“You know I can’t tell you.” He stops, eyes darting around. “Wait, I don’t even know where I’m going.”
Jungkook looks down at the open luggage by his feet, going over a list in his head. It’s filled with the necessities; basic clothing, toiletries, and some snacks stashed under everything. You lie on your front, chin resting on your folded arms on the edge of the bed. “Thinking so hard as if you have that much stuff to begin with…”
He looks at you amused. Every time he starts packing, you get huffy and sulky, a habit of yours whenever he tries to leave after staying over. “I would stash you in here if I could but explosives are prohibited.”
Rolling your eyes, you ignore the comment and hop off the bed. In front of the mirror, you fix your hair and check yourself out from each angle. He watches your strange behaviour from where he’s standing, “What are you doing?”
“Trying to see if I still got it.” You look at him from the reflection. “After all, I’m about to live life as a single woman again in a matter of days.”
Jungkook almost chokes on his own saliva, swiftly turning away from the wardrobe to see if he heard you right. “Excuse me what.”
“Oh, Jungkook and I broke up. He got a scholarship overseas and it was too good an offer to turn down. We decided it’s best we focus on our own things for now.” It was the cover you both decided on if ever someone asks about him, but he hates hearing you actually saying it like it’s true. “That’s what I’m supposed to say, right?”
“Only if someone asks.” He frowns.
“And they will. You were insanely popular, Jungkook.” You say, “I’m just practising.”
“For what.”
“For when I go to the club,” you sing-song, “when I party at the Omega’s, or maybe one of the hot teaching assistants will hit on me.”
You prance around as you list down the places you’d go as a free woman, Jungkook’s sharp eyes locked on you as you move.
“No.” He says and you turn to see him already stomping towards you.
You back off but he’s too quick and his long legs make for big steps that has you within reach in seconds, and suddenly you find yourself being thrown over his shoulder, a harsh slap landing on your ass. “I don’t like this.” He grunts.
With one swoop, he shifts you into his arms and your vision spins from the sudden movement. The next moment, he’s placing you in his luggage, trying his best to fold your body in half just to fit you in whatever space he has left.
You laugh as he tickles your sides to stop you from resisting, and the mischievous grin on his face grows larger as he zips up the portion where half your body’s managed to squeeze into. “Let me go!” You yell in a fit of laughter, one of his hands holding on to your wrists and the other aiming for your ticklish spots.
“No. I’m taking you with me.”
He giggles when you actually stop resisting and try to squeeze the top half of your body and head into whatever space is left.
Your silliness clouds the sounds coming from outside, where Jaemin had allowed himself in, initially concerned at the sounds of your screaming. Praying that the two of you weren’t in the middle of some weird and violent foreplay session, he struts towards the room and stands at the door frame, wondering if he should even make himself known.
Jaemin sighs. “Should I be worried?”
The unfamiliar voice startles you, and you let out a shriek that has Jungkook falling backwards. Jaemin shuts his eyes, regretting his decision to stop by. Hand over your chest as you catch your breath, you burst into laughter when you catch Jungkook’s eye.
“Why would you do that?” Jungkook asks, unzipping the compartment where half your body rests.
“I did nothing.” Jaemin says, eyes full of judgement as you struggle to get yourself off the luggage, managing to do so only with Jungkook’s help. “I came to check if you needed anything. Did you read through the list I handed you?”
“Yes,” Jungkook pats the pile of clothes, “only packed the essentials like you noted.”
“Good.” He smiles a little, the first time you’ve seen him do that. “Don’t worry about packing too little, we’ll provide you with new clothes and other stuff once we’re there. I just got off a video call with our point person too, the house looks good, everything’s sorted.”
“That’s great.” Jungkook lets out a heavy exhale. “Just great.”
The shift in Jungkook’s demeanour doesn’t go unnoticed. Jaemin glances at you for a second, “I’m nervous too. It’s my first time in charge of such a big task.”
His confession was unexpected but strangely comforting. At least you know Jungkook won’t be alone. You are interested in how these two are going to get along, knowing how hard-headed Jungkook can be.
“It’ll be fine.”
Jaemin’s confidence lightens Jungkook's mood slightly, a tiny smile creeping its way onto his face.
⎼
“I’m not getting kidnapped, am I?” You watch the tall buildings slowly disappear, eventually leaving you with the view of clear skies, long roads and lines of cars as you get onto the highway.
“Maybe you are.” His fingers squeeze through your fist and interlace with yours. “You’re coming with me.”
“As hostage?” You scoff. “This isn’t my first rodeo you know?”
Jungkook laughs. “Like I’d ever bring the snitch with me if I were running.”
He braces for the punch that lands, though he knows it won’t hurt. Laughing adorably, he stretches his arm over your shoulder to pull you in closer just so he can wipe the pout away with his palm brushing over your face.
“Stop it!”
“I’m kidding,” he kisses the side of your head, “I’m taking you to meet someone special.”
“Someone special?”
On his face is a look you’ve never seen before; a mixture of anticipation and delight. Rarely does he ever get excited about anything enough to show it, and being this vulnerable is still something new. When he told you about a short trip, you expected one to the nearest department store to get essentials he might need.
But the car gets further and further away from the city, and Jaemin continues on the route, the farthest he’s ever brought you both. After leaving in the morning, breakfast was from a drive-through and the car stopped by the side of a road near a park, allowing you, and Jaemin, to people watch as you eat peacefully.
Then it’s off, without so much as a word from the younger man. He seems to know where he’s going though you assume it was entirely Jungkook’s idea based on how excited he is. You’re surprised Namjoon even approved this trip given how there's only two days left till his departure ⎼ something that’s been eating away at you silently.
Two hours later, the roads begin to get narrower, and traffic gets slower. More greenery and houses come into view as you see a simple welcome sign by the side of the road as you enter a quaint and pretty town.
Going past schools, apartments and houses, Jaemin stops the car at the basement level carpark of a mall. Scanning the surroundings, he stops only when he notices something, before the engine goes off. Turning in his seat, he hands Jungkook what looks like a burner phone. “Call if there’s an emergency. I’m on speed dial.”
“You’re not coming with us?” You ask, genuinely surprised that he’s letting you off on your own in a random town.
He eyes Jungkook who beams from ear to ear. “It is a small town. And the threat is low here, so I can let you go for a while.”
Apart from the phone, Jungkook is also handed two transport cards and a tracker, much smaller than an electronic tracker you’d see on offenders, just in the form of a sleek black band which he reluctantly hooks above his ankle.
“Plus a black SUV driving around would probably stick out more than a couple taking a walk down the street.” Jaemin says, then stretches his neck out to search outside, pointing to an old blue and white Volvo parked on the opposite lot behind the SUV. You notice two figures sitting in the driver and passenger’s seat.
“See that? That’s ours. They’ll be driving around town just in case. If there is an emergency and I can’t get there in time, I’ll activate them.”
“Alright.” Jungkook says and you nod.
“I’d still avoid contact unless absolutely necessary. Y/N, I’m gonna have to ask you to take the lead if need be.”
“Sure,” you agree, watching Jungkook put on a mask and a cap.
“And Jungkook, remember, this is your home⎼”
“I know.” He cuts the man off eagerly and Jaemin takes the hint.
“Send me a text when you’re done. I’ll give you instructions on where to go next.”
“Got it.” Jungkook says, hand on the handle of the door. His enthusiasm is contagious, like a child on an excursion. Still, he waits for Jaemin to give the okay before practically prancing out, motioning for you to do the same.
Hand in hand, you make it up the lift to the first floor of the mall, noticing how much slower and calm everything is. It’s unlike the usual chaos you’d find back in the city, with kids running around, talking loudly over the phone, and the less than friendly looks everyone gives each other.
After a short walk, Jungkook stops by a flower shop. He spends a good five minutes looking through the fresh flowers in the fridge, contemplating on the perfect ones while you stroll around. Just as a bunch of tulips catch your eye, Jungkook comes up to you with fresh daisies in hand.
“Who are these for?” You ask, complimenting his choice.
“For the special person we’re going to see today.”
“You still haven’t told me who it is.” He walks ahead towards the cashier and you tag along behind him, pausing as he does, and watching him reach over to grab a single rose stalk. Doe eyes smiling from under the cap, he offers the rose to you.
Sheepishly, he turns as you accept it, heading straight for the counter where a young lady waits, having seen the whole interaction. She smiles knowingly, grabbing the flowers and skillfully wrapping them with brown paper. As she sticks the last tape over the bouquet and covers it with a sticker, she glances up curiously. “Are you two new here?”
Jungkook’s elbow gently nudges yours. “Oh, no. We’re visiting a friend.”
“Oh, how nice.” She says, eyeing Jungkook, who pays the amount in cash. “Well I hope they like the flowers!”
“Thanks.” Jungkook says out of courtesy, then sneaking a glance at you when he remembers he’s not supposed to speak to anyone. Thankfully it didn’t matter to the cashier, who goes back to what she was doing prior after wishing you a lovely day.
Flowers were the only thing on Jungkook’s list, and the two of you then got on a bus just five minutes away from the mall. He only briefly checks the route information before confirming which bus to take. Still having no idea where you’re going, you follow him blindly, trusting that he’ll figure it out.
Only two others get on the bus at the same time, a woman in scrubs who takes the seat at the back, resting her head against the window as soon as she gets comfortable, and a young man with headphones on, eyes glued to a game he plays on his phone.
Throughout the ride, Jungkook is quiet, completely absorbed into taking in the scenes out the window. The flowers lay in his lap, held so carefully to make sure they don’t get crushed. You watch the way his eyes sometimes fall to the bouquet, and realise how special this person is to him. Who could it be? You wonder. Maybe Suga? But flowers are an odd choice. Unless he’s recovering from something. And why at this random town two hours away?
Fifteen minutes later, you reach the stop. Jungkook presses the bell and taps your thigh to signal you to get off. As the bus drives off, it leaves the two of you standing amidst a gust of smoke from the exhaust. Awaiting his next direction, Jungkook slips his hand in yours.
Without saying much, he crosses to the other side of the road and takes you on a stroll down the street. At three in the afternoon, the clear, blue sky puts you in a cheerful mood. You don’t even mind the long walk with how picturesque everything looks here.
Brown leaves have fallen on the ground lining the pathway, a cool breeze picking up every now and then and the smell of bread being blown in your direction from a nearby bakery. Everyone walks without rushing, and cars drive by without revving their engines or honking. Your arms linked together swing in between your bodies.
“It’s just up ahead.” Jungkook informs you.
Though you’ve had plenty of time to spend with Jungkook back at the apartment, the change of pace and environment makes everything a hundred times better. What more, Jungkook seems to be in the best mood you’ve seen him since.
“Jungkook.”
“Hm?” He turns to look at you.
“Is this your hometown?”
You get your answer when his steps slow down for a second and his interest moves to the cracks in the pavement as you continue to walk. “How’d you know?”
“I figured,” you shrug, “Jaemin said something in the car earlier, and you just seem so comfortable here.”
He nods, squeezing your hand. “This is where I’m from. Things have changed much but…some things are still the same.”
You’re dying to ask more, but his eyes glaze over as he sinks into his own memories of the place, and you can feel the homesickness practically oozing out of his bones. A part of him still feels connected to this place after all this time, even when it’s where he experienced his first and gut-wrenching heartbreak of his life.
And ten minutes later, you realise why. It clicks the moment you walk up a small hill with a narrow pathway, lined with shrubbery. Upon reaching the top of the hill, it expands into a gated area where hundreds of graves lie.
“Are we…”
You trail off as he carries on walking, not letting go of the grip on your hand behind him. The one he’s looking for is further back, passing by rows and rows of others who have left, and a handful of other people who are here to visit.
Jungkook eventually comes to a stop and you watch his back as he takes another deep breath. From up the hill, though it’s not much higher than the roads, a nice view of the town greets you, just enough to see the roofs of nearby houses.
Turning back, you see Jungkook take the first step towards one of the headstones. He stops right by the foot of it, and takes a moment to himself while you stay in your spot. Jungkook takes his cap off and pulls down his mask before kneeling on the ground to lay the flowers.
He calls you over with a nod and there’s a tremble in your steps, feeling the jitters in your tummy. The headstone is a little darker than the others around it, but the lack of weeds growing around it tells you it’s cared for in some way.
You kneel by Jungkook’s side, reading the carving on the headstone. Jeon Jung-Ah.
“This is…”
“My sister.” He smiles, teary eyed.
While you make yourself comfortable, Jungkook brushes dirt off the stone and picks any stray growth around the area. He spends a long time caring for his sister in the only way he can, while whispering updates about his life to her. He fills her in on what’s happened, about you, and how he has to leave and won’t be able to see her for some time.
“It’ll be years before I can come visit you again.” He sighs after, touching the headstone.
You watch him from the side with admiration in your eyes, how he’s so soft and gentle while speaking. Jungkook looks at you.
“Do you come back often?” You ask.
“Only in the last couple of years.” Jungkook admits, knowing it took him far too long to build up the courage to come back. “For so long I’d left this part of me behind. I wanted to forget everything and everyone. But it always made me feel guilty, like I left her behind too.”
“One night when I was sick of work, I decided to drive back here. I felt ill stepping back into town, bombarded with all the bad memories of this place, but I just missed her so much. It was right when I was starting to get disconnected with things at work, and Kim and Suga…I needed someone to talk to and she was the only person I wanted to talk to.”
“So you ended up here.”
He nods, scooting closer so your legs touch. “I can’t remember well but before I ran off I think I only ever visited her once. So I spent all night trying to find her. After all these years, being right here feels like home more than anything else. Even if she is…”
The gleam in his eyes disappears, struggling to keep his emotions at bay. Your warm hand reaches for his on his lap, squeezing tight. “She’ll always be with you. In here.” You point to his heart and he chuckles.
“Hey. That’s my line.” He blinks the tears away and leans in to plant a kiss on your forehead. He looks at you like he has a lot to say. “You know, back then I asked if she could send me a sign, anything, to nudge me in the right direction. And then shortly after, Namjoon appeared. I came back again and asked for another sign…just to be sure. And then I met you.”
Hair blowing in the gentle breeze, Jungkook’s gaze on you is tender. He’s never shared this with you before, and the sheepish look on his face before turning away chuckling tells you he wasn’t planning to.
“How lucky,” you say and he looks at you confused, “to have someone so special watching over you.”
Jungkook smiles, never having thought of it that way. “Yeah, I guess I am lucky.”
“She’d be proud of you.” You nod. “Of the person you’ve become.”
The lump in his throat grows larger but he swallows it down. His eyes start stinging and he curses himself for not being able to stop a tear from falling off the side of his face, quickly wiping it away with the back of his hand.
“I don’t know.” He laughs. “She probably would’ve smacked me in the head if she knew what I got into.”
“But it all led up to the you that’s here right now.” You say. “A smart, sensible, responsible and brave man.”
“And handsome?”
You roll your eyes, but feel relieved knowing he can joke at a time like this. “Yes. Handsome too.”
Jungkook laughs, pulling you into his arms.
Blue skies eventually turn orange as the sun starts to set, and the winds get stronger, blowing leaves across the plot of land. You say your goodbye to Jung-Ah and wait by the side to let Jungkook have some privacy.
His fingers never leave her headstone as he speaks, and you know it pains him to have to leave her again. While you can’t hear exactly what he’s saying, his form is clearly more relaxed than before.
You take a moment to look at the view, the orange hue resting over the town, birds flying overhead and the sound of kids laughing as they ride their bicycles home after a day at the park. You wonder which one of these roofs used to house Jungkook as a child, if his family were still there, and what would they say if they saw him now.
Jungkook’s hand slips into yours and pushes the thoughts out of you. “Ready?” He asks, shoulders feeling lighter than before.
You nod. “Are you?”
Taken aback by your question, he stares out at the view. This place that used to be all he knew, then all he wanted to forget, is now a place he can no longer call home. Only bits and pieces of the memories he shares with his sister keep him tied here.
There may be a lot to unpack, and while he’s settled one part of his troubled life, he doesn’t think he can handle thinking about the past again. “Let’s go.” He says, kissing your temple.
The two of you head towards the location Jaemin had given, taking your time. Jaemin was already waiting at the spot, but says nothing when you climb back inside the car, only nodding in the rear view mirror before driving off.
Jungkook looks out the window as he does, taking in every little detail. Who knows when he’ll be back, and if things might even be as they are now. Questions about his family still plague your mind, but it’s not something you want him to be burdened with right now.
So you let him relive his memories with his sister; smiling at the streets they used to ride down, the school gate she used to wait for him by, the candy shop she’d share half her allowance money on to splurge on sweets with him, and the hill she now lay to rest on, awaiting his return.
⎼
The incessant stinging in your chest won’t go away. Neither will the lump in your throat, and your face muscles are tired from tensing up every time you feel a pinch in the bridge of your nose. Across the room, you watch Jungkook hand over his luggage to Jaemin, accompanied by two other agents.
As the door shuts, his eyes search for yours and you don’t turn away in time to hide the pain. Before he can utter a word, you rush in the direction of the room.
Standing at the doorway, he laughs when he finds you sitting on the edge of the bed with a pillow pressed against your face, sniffling into it. “I’m not crying.” You say, muffled.
Footsteps approach and next thing you know the pillow gets pried away from your fingers. Jungkook caresses your frowning face, cheeks streamed with tears and eyes fresh with new ones about to fall. “It’s just that there’s something in my eyes.”
Jungkook laughs again, and lowers himself to press his lips against yours. “It’s okay to be sad.”
Grabbing his hands, you shake your head in disagreement. “I don’t want to ruin our last day together.”
He hates that those words came out of your mouth, that there is even something as a last day together. “Crying won’t ruin it.” He states, “Actually, not crying would be worse. What? Can’t wait for me to leave?”
Laughter leaves your lips, calming his own strained heart while the sleeves of your shirt soak up lingering tears. “You’re an idiot.” You say lovingly, landing your head against his chest.
The last week of pretending everything is fine has come to an end. Pushing this move to the back of your minds was the only way either of you could fully live in the moment. But now, reality’s bursting through the doors, claiming its right to your happiness.
Every night, you secretly wished for Namjoon to barge through the front door just to announce that Jungkook wouldn’t need to leave after all, the case is settled, Jungkook’s safety not compromised. But that never happened.
“One last day.”
The words sting. Even more for him, you think, though he does a good job of masking it.
It didn’t take a lot to convince Jaemin this time, though you think he might’ve developed a soft spot for Jungkook now, or maybe it was out of pity that he’s allowed one last outing.
Your apartment welcomes Jungkook with a familiar scent of lavender mixed with a pot of hot cocoa steaming on the stove. After a brief greeting with Hana who then left for class, he climbs into the comfort of your soft, squeaky bed.
While you drop your bag of clothes in the corner, Jungkook’s eyes find the now wilted flowers on your table by the window. Rolling to his feet, he gently touches one of the wilted petals with the pads of his fingers.
But his attention quickly shifts to a framed couple photo, next to one of your friend group. Thumb grazing tenderly over your face, he feels like a rope’s tightened around his chest. At your touch, his shoulders drop, your arms snaking over his waist, pressing your body against him.
“You can have it if you want.”
He arranges it back in place, shaking his head. “I have plenty.”
“Good,” his hands cup your face as he turns, “you won’t forget me then.”
“Never.” He kisses you. “I’ll die before that happens.”
You giggle, getting on your toes for another kiss. “Same.”
⎼
“I can’t let you out.” The car slows down and comes to a stop by the street across campus. Jaemin looks apologetic.
“I know.”
Jungkook’s back faces you as his eyes stay locked on the scenes outside. Rolling the window down slightly, the hustle and bustle of the student body takes him back to boring lectures, laughing with friends, training sessions, lunch by the water fountain, the track field, walking to class with you.
Leaving the first time was painful enough, but there was always a chance to return. This time, the future’s unpredictable enough to keep his expectations to a minimum.
Getting into college was always something he yearned for, one of the only things he had spent years getting Kim to agree to. On the condition he would supply drugs from inside, Kim paid for his tuition, and that was one of the first times Jungkook felt he truly had a hold of his life. Now, it’s only something he can reminisce about.
When your fingers slip between his, he squeezes tight. And as the car picks up speed, Jungkook bids a silent goodbye to his unfulfilled college dream. Eventually the building disappears in the rear view mirror, and he heaves out a loaded sigh.
The frat house remains as Jungkook remembers it to be, just a little cleaner. Stepping into his room feels like nostalgia, like going back to his childhood room. An orange glow streams in from the window, specs of dust floating in the air.
Most of his stuff now packed in boxes, thanks to you, leaves the room the neatest it’s ever been since he claimed it on day one, having fought Taehyung for it. Standing in the middle, slow steps as he takes it all in, Jungkook feels something tugging at his heartstrings.
“Why is this so difficult…” He murmurs and you wipe the single tear that escaped.
Sucking in a breath, he throws his head back to pull himself together.
“This has been your place for the last few years, of course it’s going to be tough to let go.” You say gently, and he nods, running his palm over his cheek.
Jungkook flips through a stack of notes on his desk, smiling as he recalls the late nights, stressing over assignments and other stuff that he didn’t bother with until he wanted to impress you with good grades.
Organised by colour, his clothes hang neatly, just the way he likes them. Taking on a new identity also meant he’d have to dress completely differently, leaving him no choice but to let them go. Perhaps the other guys would want them.
His attention shifts suddenly to the emptiness outside. “It’s so quiet.”
Jaemin had contacted Hoseok prior, ensuring that none of the other guys would be around. Jungkook knew that, but it feels weird anyway; no clunking from the kitchen from someone messing up dinner, no screaming at the television over a game, no mindless chatter filling up the house. Things he didn’t think much of before, now he’s going to miss.
Sitting quietly on his bed, you smile cautiously. You realise it’s best to let him feel what he needs to feel, to be able to come to terms with what’s happening.
“What?” He asks, smile tugging on one side.
“Nothing.” You shrug, clocking the wicked smile he has on. “You’re cute when you’re serious. Like a rabbit sensing danger.”
Finger under your chin to guide you towards him, he leans in and speaks in the teasing way he does. “Who’s the rabbit and who’s the danger here?”
“You’re the ra⎼”
Trailing off, your voice was barely a whisper as he brings himself closer, pressing his lips into yours in a gentle kiss. One that causes butterflies in your tummy and has you gasping for more. “Cute.” He mocks you.
Jungkook’s mischievous grin is one you’ve missed, bringing you back to the early days of your relationship. Not that there’s anything wrong with sweet boyfriend Jungkook, but his assertive self always kept you wanting more.
“Remember the first time we⎼”
“Yeah.”
Amused at how quickly you respond, his knee finds a place between your thighs, forcing you to scoot back. “Wanna re-enact?”
“Like…like roleplay?”
His brows raise. “Didn’t know you were into that.”
“You never asked.” You simply say, earning a huff of annoyance from him.
Hands grip your thighs on each side. “So you casually bring it up the day before I leave. So mean.”
You giggle as he lifts your bottom half to shift you in the right position. Losing your balance from the sudden movement, your elbows give in, head thumping against the lone pillow, causing a blast of dust flying everywhere.
Coughing uncontrollably, he pushes the window open, waving his hands around. Your laughter fills the room, clutching your middle as he struggles to catch his breath.
“Oops,” you say between giggles.
Furrowed brows turn into a big grin as he breaks into laughter himself. “Well that ruined the mood.”
“Did it?” Your pursed lips keep his attention, until your finger hooks over your collar, tugging the material down to expose your cleavage. “How about now?”
“Oh⎼ oh yeah, it’s back⎼”
He dives straight for the exposed skin, peppering kisses as you laugh, ringing melodiously in his ear. The sound is something he never wants to forget; his insides feel mushy, and tingly, and exhilarated. The feeling intensifies with the charming grin on your face.
Your laughter slows down, nodding to question his change in demeanour. The air between you feels light, and the world around you disappears in that moment you let yourself sink into his tender gaze.
“What?” You ask shyly.
“Nothing.” He says in a whisper, like he’s in a daze.
“Good to know some things don’t change.”
Heads snapping to the side, Jungkook stiffens at the intruder only to sigh in exasperation. Shifting upright, he fixes his hair, directing his gaze to the carpet instead. “Do you ever mind your own business⎼”
“Woah,” Jimin blinks, “deja vu.”
“What are you even doing here?”
“I live here.”
At that moment, the old Jungkook comes back, clicking his tongue at the older one’s response. It only excites Jimin, having missed their constant back and forth. It’s just not the same annoying the others. “Feels like it was just yesterday when I walked in on you two lovebirds, and⎼”
“And you still don’t have any boundaries.”
Jungkook’s head tilt and raised brow doesn’t faze him, simply patting the younger one’s face, then pulling him in for a forced hug. “I’ve missed this!”
“He misses it too, just too stubborn to show it.” He glares at you for the remark and you stick your tongue out at him.
Jimin exhales obnoxiously, stepping back with hands on his hips. “Can’t wait for you to move back. Then it’ll be just like old times.”
Jungkook stares back blankly, and Jimin doesn’t notice the lack of response, already looking through the packed boxes, planning to put things back to where they’re supposed to go. A couple of times, his mouth opens to say something, but he can’t utter a word.
They would only be told tonight, Jungkook decided, despite Namjoon offering to do it early. The problem was that he didn’t know how to break the news.
Hand on his shoulder to get his attention, you lean in to whisper, “Do you want to tell him?”
Jimin continues to rummage through the boxes, taking it upon himself to remove some of the clothes you packed away. He rambles on about something neither of you are paying attention to.
“I’ll do it with you.” You lace your fingers with his.
Diverting his gaze to the carpet to think about it for a while, Jungkook then presses his lips into a line and nods in agreement. You nod encouragingly.
“Jimin, there’s something you should know.”
⎼
The gentle breeze grazes over your skin, causing goosebumps to appear. It smells of fresh grass and earth, and a little hint of Jungkook’s cologne, with his jacket wrapped comfortably around your shoulders.
Right by the river, a path stretches along its length, buzzing with cyclists, runners, and the public. Near the edge of the water, crowds of people sit on the steps, waiting for the light show display along a bridge which travels across the river.
Higher up on a hill, far away from the masses, your thigh brushes against Jungkook’s, arm hooked around his and your head on his shoulder.
Churro in hand, he brings the snack to you, humming as you take a bite.
“That’s good, actually.”
He agrees, taking a bite himself. “7 out of 10.”
“Seven?” You tilt your head up. “This is an 8.5 at least.”
“Still, it’s better than the ones you tried to make.”
Licking sugar off his fingers, he ignores the way your jaw drops till you land a smack to his chest. You recall the time you decided to try making churros of your own, only end up charring most of them, and getting multiple burn marks from splattering oil. He, of course, had been there to treat your wounds while snickering at the fail.
“You’re so mean.”
Offering a kiss to your cheek as an apology, he reaches over the spread of food laid out before you on a picnic mat, grabbing your favourite mango pudding. Despite the pout, you welcome a spoonful of it and break into a shy smile as he looks on with a tender smile.
“You know I love your terrible cooking.”
He braces as your fist makes contact with his arm. “It’s not my fault you have expensive taste.”
“I’m not sure wanting food to be edible is having expensive taste, but okay.”
You can’t even fight the laughter that spills out, knowing exactly how terrible some of the things you make turn out.
“When you get back, I’ll cook the best meal you’ve ever had, you’ll see!”
Jungkook chuckles, a hopeful look in his eyes. “Can’t wait.”
You lock eyes for a little longer, till the sounds of amazement and cheering float through the crowd below as the light show begins. Streaks of rainbow coloured lights shine up into the night, as water jets activate at the same time, with music playing in sync. It’s a show you’ve seen many times before, and every single time it amazes you.
But this time, your attention towards Jungkook remains undivided. You tuck the stray hairs behind his ear. “It’s getting long.”
He smiles at your comment while you continue to fix his hair. “Maybe I’ll grow it out.”
“Long hair?” Your nose scrunches up. “I don’t see it.”
“You might not even recognise me when I come back.”
You tilt your head in the way he finds adorable. “I’ll more likely forget how to make ramyeon before I forget how you look like.”
His brows furrow. “Odd thing to say considering you can’t even make instant noodles without drying out the soup too much.”
You huff. “That was one time and I was distracted because you were parading around the house naked.”
“Yeah, you like that huh?”
“Oh shut up.”
Jungkook’s laughter feels like a snug embrace, keeping you safe from the chaos of the world around you. His head drops to your lap and he welcomes your touch, tracing figures over his skin. “You’re so mean tonight. Giving my cooking so much flak.”
“Oh baby, I love your cooking.” He sighs. “It reminds me that no matter how perfect someone is, they have to suck at one thing.”
Yelping at the onslaught of pinches on his side, Jungkook flails about, reaching for your hand. Leaving the comfort of your thigh, he gets to his knees, now gripping both your wrists and sending a kiss to your scowl as he gets behind you, crossing your arms over your body.
Back resting against him now, legs clipping you tight between him, he forcefully keeps you pressed against him, keeping your arms down. “You’re strong.”
“You’re annoying.”
His cheek rests against your head, ignoring the squirming till you give up.
“You laugh, but you’re gonna miss it.”
“Yeah.” He says, a little calmer. “I will, actually.”
With your back against his chest, you feel the thumping of his heart, comforting and calming. There’s a comfortable silence that falls around the two of you.
“How…how long do you think it’ll take?” You ask the uncertain.
“I don’t know.” He says, loosening his grip when you shift to get comfortable. “Trials usually take years to even proceed with.”
“Years.” You echo it to yourself. You straighten up, so you can shift between his feet to face him slightly. He doesn’t let go of the chance to press his lips to your cheek. “Isn’t it unfair? We’ve only just got the chance to be together again…like normal people.”
“I’ve never done long distance before.” You say, and you feel the shift of his head as he smiles.
“What?”
“Long distance.” You repeat. “That’s what we’re gonna be till you’re back.”
Jungkook swells with confidence at this new way of putting it. “I like that.”
You smile shyly. “Did you know that 60% of long distance relationships work out? The key is communication.”
“Someone’s done their research.” Jungkook’s tickled by your sudden announcement. “You’re cute. Communication’s gonna be a little hard though.”
“You’ll write to me, won’t you?”
“Of course.”
Sighing, you recall the rules Namjoon had gone through with you about communication. Strictly none allowed. But, he’s willing to allow letters. They’d have to go through them though, and will be read through before handing over to each of you.
“I’ll write to you every month.” Jungkook says. “It’ll probably take weeks for it to reach you anyway, and to wait for you to respond.”
“I’ll keep you updated on what’s going on here.”
“There is a problem though.”
“What?” You turn to him with his brows furrowed and deep in thought.
He blinks. “How will you send nudes?”
You shove his face, enough you send him flying back and he laughs, falling to the grass. “Irritating.”
He jolts himself back up, peppering you with apology kisses and you accept them willingly, tilting your head enough for him to sneak down your neck as he sways your bodies side to side.
“But you know I was thinking,” he kisses, “if you do want to press pause⎼”
You freeze, wondering if you heard that right.
“I’m just saying, we don’t know when I’ll be back. And I wouldn’t want to hold you back if you end up meeting someone that you think you’d hit it off with.” Jungkook looks at the back of your head, unmoving, and wonders if you were considering it.
“Of course, I don’t want that. I love you but I also want you to be happy and if that means⎼”
Your palm comes into contact with his cheek. It was a slap, but so gentle and soft that he wonders if it even happened. You do it again, more like a tap this time. “How could you say that? You think I could ever be happy with someone else?”
“I don’t want to hold you back.”
“Then you should’ve let me go before we got serious.”
A little hurt flashes across his face.
“After everything, you still think I’d rather be with someone else?” You say softly, caressing his cheeks, eyes softening with concern. “You’re my boyfriend. I love you. Only you.”
He smiles just a little. “Sorry. It was just a suggestion.”
“A terrible one.”
You throw yourself into him, wrapping around his neck. “I can never be happy with anyone else but you.”
“Really?”
“You silly goose.”
Jungkook visibly relaxes in your arms, feeling idiotic to have even brought that up. The night goes on as you lay there in each other’s arms, looking up at the night sky as opposed to the light show. Grey clouds inch towards where you are, slowly hiding the moon away from you.
Jungkook stares at your side, taking in this view of you. When you do the same, Jungkook moves in to plant a kiss, savouring it till thunder starts to rumble above you.
Just as you make it back to the car where Jaemin rests, it starts to drizzle. Jaemin turns in his seat, frowning when Jungkook pauses by the open door. He turns his back to the car and sees you standing a foot behind him with your palm up to the sky, letting the raindrops touch your skin.
Stepping away from the car, standing before you, wet strands of hair sticks to his face. And as the rain gets heavier, the two of you seem to share the same thought. His hand clutches yours, giggling as the two of you make a run for it, ignoring the yells coming from the car.
Back up the hill, in the open space, Jungkook and you dance and frolic around in the rain, laughing your hearts out gleefully. He lifts you in his arms, spinning you in circles as you extend your arms out, welcoming the rain as it washes all your sorrows away.
He sets you down gently, and you brush the hair away from his face.
“You make me so happy.” You say over the rain. “I love you more than anything.”
“I love you too baby. You're my whole world.” Jungkook says, grabbing your hand in his.
“I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”
Jungkook kisses you fervently in the rain, drenched and shivering, with nothing left to lose.
⎼
Trees sway in the wind, and lighting flashes occasionally followed by the rumbling of thunder in the distance as the storm continues to pour down. The heavy rain caused a massive traffic jam below, but thankfully you managed to return before getting caught in it.
In the comfort of the apartment, warm and dry, the lamp in the corner casts a dim orange hue perfect for a cozy night.
Jungkook’s lips move gently against yours, knuckles grazing your cheek tenderly as his arm keeps you steady around the waist. Your hips sway against his, fueling the tent growing under his sweats.
Lips slightly sore and swollen, his doe eyes stare into yours when you break the kiss, resting his head against the headboard behind. The bittersweet feeling of having to part from you, something he’d been suppressing, starts creeping into his heart,
Finger tracing over his lips, his eyes fall shut as you go over his features; his eyes, nose, cheekbones, jaw. Your touch always does something to him, something so calming and natural about the way you move against him, even if it’s just the touch of a finger.
The arm around you instinctively pulls you closer, just so your bodies meet, making it easier to capture you in another kiss, one much hungrier than before.
Out of breath from his intensity, you pull away to calm yourself. But Jungkook doesn’t stop, pushing off from the headboard, leaning forward to press kisses to your cheek, trailing over your jaw and down to your neck. The moment he finds your sweet spot, your thighs squeeze around him in response and he hums against your skin when you start to rock your hips against him.
His hands slide up your sides, tugging your camisole along with them up and over your head, exposing your bare breasts to the cool air. Rough hands cup them in his palm, thumb grazing over your erect nipples, and your body twitches at the sensation. You bite your bottom lip as he takes one of your tits in his mouth while kneading the other.
When he takes a nipple between his teeth, your hip bucks in response, and he groans at the friction.
Flips your positions, he now hovers above you, fitting nicely between your legs. His shirt comes off easily much to your delight, hands grazing over his chest. The dim light casts shadows over his body, giving him an ethereal glow.
Jungkook grins at the obvious excitement in your expression, finding it absolutely adorable how you can’t hide the rise of your cheekbones, choosing to hide behind a tight-lipped smile.
“You like that, huh?” His mouth hovers over yours, whispering against your lips while his hands snake down your body, and under your shorts.
You hum when his fingers fondle over your folds, and you return the favour, hand slipping past the hem of his sweats, exhaling at the sudden contact of your palm to his cock. Foreheads sticking to each other, Jungkook sucks in a breath as you rub against him.
Two fingers slip inside you, and you lose all focus, gripping his cock, unmoving. Fingers slipping in and out of you keeps you distracted as you try to chase that high. The curve of his fingers hit the right spot each time, having memorised you well. Delighted at your response but protesting your lack of movement, he takes it upon himself and bucks his hips, fucking into your grip.
Jungkook pauses, and your heart sinks at the loss. As he peels your hand off him, Jungkook tugs down your shorts, sucking in a breath at the glistening sight before him. Legs now spread before him, Jungkook slips four fingers into your dripping hole, cock twitching at the way you writhe.
Sheets balled up in your fists, your chest heaves as you feel the rush of adrenaline flowing through you, and it only takes the thrilling sensation of Jungkook’s warm breath on your cunt, sucking on your clit, to have you seeing stars. Your sweet moans fill the room as you ride his face, bucking your hips wildly.
Jungkook licks every last bit of your cum, giving your cunt a kiss before sliding up to let you taste yourself.
Jungkook gets on his knees and you watch as he removes his sweats, cock springing up proudly against his abs. Finding the strength to sit up, crawling towards him, your doe eyes look up at him for permission.
“Fuck.” He can never say no. Not when you look so pretty.
Just at the sight of you, his cock starts to throb. It twitches the moment you start with a kiss to the base of his shaft. Taking your time, you plant sloppy kisses along his length till you get to the top. And the moment your mouth wraps around his tip, Jungkook’s body melts into the mattress, heat rushing through him, rewarding you with his sensual moans.
He watches how his cock disappears into your mouth as you take in his entire length. Fingers wrap around your hair as he gently rocks his hips against you.
He watches how his cock disappears into your mouth as you take the entirety of his length. His fingers wrap around your hair, as he gently moves his hips against you.
“Oh baby⎼”
A rush flows through his veins when you look up at him. Both hands now covering his length, twisting your wrists as you pump, your mouth pays special attention to his tip. His hips buck up in reflex, and you almost gag from the sudden movement, but recover quickly.
A guttural sound escapes him and he pulls your head back, slowly removing himself from you, then tapping his cock against your tongue as his pre-cum leaks all over it.
“Good girl.” He purrs, and his cock glistens as you lick every last bit of him.
Sitting back, Jungkook lets you climb on top, positioning your entrance with his dick. With his hands on your hips, easing you down, your thighs tremble as his tip enters, letting out a sweet moan as you lower yourself down all the way.
Jungkook doesn’t realise how he holds his breath as he watches you take all of him, and he lets you have a moment, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips when he sees the pure look of ecstasy on your face.
As you start to move, he’s hypnotised by the sway of your hips, the bounce of your tits and the blissed out expression on your face. A goddess in his eyes, it forces him to sit up, sucking the skin against your collarbone. Palms on the bed to keep him steady, Jungkook leans back to watch the way you move, and you heat up under his gaze.
He can’t keep his hands off you, running them across your soft skin, wanting to touch every inch of you and claim your body as his alone. Thrusting his hips up while you grind, reaching deeper each time, you gasp at every time he manages to hit the spot.
A loud smack echoes as his palms land against your ass, and you yelp out in pain and pleasure, disrupting your flow as your hips twitch, and he growls at the feeling of your walls clenching around him.
You giggle as you fall forward, struggling to stay up, using his chest to support you. He glows at the sound of your laughter, watching you hover over him with your faces barely touching. “Do it again.” As you say it with such innocence, yet sensual tone, Jungkook thinks he might go crazy.
His arm wraps around your waist as he lands another smack, and you jump, bouncing down onto his cock, nails digging into his shoulders. “Like that?”
You nod, embarrassed at the request and your body’s reaction. But Jungkook can’t get enough of it, the strangled whimpers you make as his palm meets the skin of your ass again,
and again and again⎼ till you cry out, shaking as you cum, convulsing around his cock and he rolls his hips to let you ride it out, tenderly rubbing the sore spot on your ass.
Warm, sticky liquid flows down his hard cock and you bite your lip bashfully. But it turns him on even more.
Your back drops to the mattress, and the two of you are separated momentarily, till you feel him prodding against your entrance once again. Jungkook’s heart races when you smile at him, suddenly reminded of that ache in his chest.
You gasp when he slides in, easily this time. Hands caging you in on each side, Jungkook brushes away the hairs sticking to your face as he starts with long and slow strokes, fully absorbed in the erotic sounds you make, with sensual eyes staring up at him.
His pretty eyes sparkle above you, staring deep into yours, memorising every bit of detail. His gaze drops down to where your bodies connect, the gentle thrusts of his hips against yours, your hips rolling up in sync, where you become one with each other.
The ache in his chest grows, threatening to spill out, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. But then you pull him in for a kiss, slow and intimate, lips melting with each other, and the ache manifests into something more familiar, the intense adoration he holds for you, wanting to worship your very being.
You taste a hint of saltiness in the kiss, and then realise the stray tear fallen down his face. Your thumb caresses his cheek with concern, and he leans into your touch, whispering, “I love you.”
It pierces deep into your soul, intoxicating you with thoughts of him and only him. A garden blooms in your chest, fueled by your feelings for him. Time seems to stop in that moment, and you drown in his eyes, choking on your love, heart pounding in your ears.
Only you and Jungkook exist in this moment, souls tied together by an invisible string. He is yours. And you are his. Forever.
Jungkook picks up the pace in his thrusts, and your legs wrap around him, allowing him to hit deeper. Skin sticking to each other, with your arms around his shoulders to keep him close, your bodies heat up, hearts beating against the other. Jungkook peppers kisses on your chest, mouthing against your nipples while you moan at every thrust.
He starts to feel the clenching of your walls, groaning at the way it sucks his cock in every time.
“Baby…” you whisper, hands on his chest.
“Yeah?” He kisses the crook of your neck. “What is it, my love?”
Overwhelmed by a wave of emotions, they rush through your body, tears forming in your eyes. Memories of your time with him come to mind. From the very first time you saw him at the cafe, your first kiss, to the time he took a bullet for you, and everything in between.
Jungkook captures your lips in a kiss, in an effort to soothe you, but it only adds fuel to the fire burning in the pit of your core. He picks up on it, pushing himself up to grab your hips, angling it in the way he knows would hit the spot that has your eyes rolling back. Pounding into you harder, a string of moans from you makes his dick twitch inside.
The tension in his core tells him he’s close, and he digs into the flesh of your hips. You reach for him, and Jungkook presses your bodies together once again, maintaining his pace as he rolls his hips with yours.
“Jungkook,” you murmur, breath hitching.
Your mouth parts, and chest starts heaving, and he knows you’re close. You force your eyes open as you feel it coming, cupping the side of his face as tears stream down yours. “I love you too.”
You gasp as the tension snaps, legs shaking around him and body shivering as you dig your nails into his shoulders, orgasm spilling out of you in waves. As you convulse around him, mixed with the lewd sounds coming out of you, you feel the throbbing of Jungkook’s cock, and seconds later with a strangled moan against your ear, Jungkook spurts warm liquid inside of you, mixing with your own cum.
The sound of his breathing is all you can hear apart from the throbbing of your head, as he rests his head next to yours, body warm and heavy on top of you. Arms around his middle, you kiss his shoulders where you’d left marks from before.
Jungkook’s disheveled hair, half-lidded eyes and silly smile greets you when he finally gets the energy to lift his head. Your body shivers as he removes himself, still sensitive to the touch.
He lies down on his side, next to you, wiping the tear stains off your cheeks. Neither of you say a word, knowing all there is to say has been said.
You press your head to his chest, listening to the sound of his heart, beating in rhythm with yours.
⎼
The storm carried on till morning, now simmered down to a drizzle, and the skies remain cloudy and gloomy. In the car, next to Jungkook, your head rests on his shoulder, hugging his arm with your fingers interlaced. Every now and then his hand would squeeze yours, grounding him in the moment.
It’s a long drive, though you were thankful for the morning traffic, giving you a little extra time with him. Neither of you barely got any rest last night, just laying in each other’s arms, eventually dozing off close to sunrise.
The car drives out of the city, onto a long stretch of a highway. It finally turns down an exit with minimal other cars going in the same direction, driving ahead where greenery slowly turns into open land, dry and deserted.
The other cars drive past as the car slows down nearing a rest stop, pulling up into the parking lot, void of others. It’s the only building for miles and miles, a diner in the middle of nowhere. Jaemin lowers his window slightly, awaiting a thumbs up from the waitress through the side window of the diner, before pulling up into a slot. It must be their own people.
While the rain had stopped as you left the city, the clouds seemed to have followed you here, gathering above and announcing their presence with the rumble of thunder. Droplets of water begin to race down the windows as it starts to rain again.
“The others should be here soon.” Jaemin says, checking his phone.
You look at Jungkook, smiling at him as you contemplate on saying your goodbye right here. He pulls you in a hug, nestling his head on your shoulder and memorising your scent. The act alone brings tears to your eyes, knowing it’ll be one of the last times you’ll be in his arms for a while. But you pull yourself together, “It’ll be okay.” You whisper, and he nods.
Soon, two other cars enter the lot, five minutes apart. The door slides open and Namjoon steps out, nodding to the driver and Jaemin before sliding the door to your car.
“Good morning.”
He exhales, extending a hand out to Jungkook, helping him out. Two other agents stand beside them, holding up big black umbrellas, sheltering them from the rain. From the other car, Namjoon gestures towards the rest, and Jungkook sees the familiar faces of his friends, each happy to see him.
Bracing himself, he swallows the lump in his throat, glancing back momentarily when he feels your touch on his back, encouraging him.
“I’m kinda nervous but here goes,” he heaves out, looking around at the three of them. “Thanks for coming down to see me, I know this was super last minute, and I don't have much time, but I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around, and for being my friends, back then and now.”
“Things have been crazy the last few months; I got shot, almost died, my girlfriend got kidnapped,” he shakes his head and the others chuckle, “it’s just been a lot, and I’m sorry for getting you guys involved in any way.”
“As you’ve all heard, I'm gonna be away for some time.” He pauses when you sniff, sneaking a glance at you. “For how long, I don’t know. And unfortunately, it’ll be off the grid, so you won’t be able to reach me until I eventually come back. If I come back. We don’t know what the future will hold so⎼”
Jungkook falters backwards when Hana rushes in for a hug, a tissue crumpled in her fist. “We’ll be waiting.”
He wraps his arms around her shoulder, and she pulls away, dabbing the tissue against her eyes. “Take care, okay? Come back safe.”
“Of course. Thanks Hana.” Jungkook sighs as he turns to you, tearing up after seeing her do the same. “I know she’s really stubborn and all, sorry I won’t be there to keep her in check, you’re just gonna have to deal with it I guess.”
You land a punch on his back and they laugh.
“Look after her for me?”
“I definitely will.” There’s a sad smile on her face as she shakes his hand, before stepping to your side, rubbing a hand on your back.
Jimin steps forward, lips quivering, the area around his eyes slightly red from crying. “My baby boy.” He says, cupping the side of Jungkook’s face. This time, Jungkook doesn’t even mind, smiling in response.
“I’m gonna miss you so much.” His voice goes up an octave as he pulls Jungkook in for a hug, patting Jungkook’s head like he’s the one crying.
“Me too, hyung.” Jungkook grins. “Gonna miss your constant barging into my personal space.”
“I know you will.” He nods, making Jungkook laugh. “You take care. Eat well. Watch all those shows I’ve been asking you to.”
“Sure.”
“Don’t roll your eyes at me.”
“I didn’t⎼”
“You’re doing it right now.”
Jungkook sucks in a breath, a familiar irritation brewing, something Jimin is an expert at bringing out. Jimin laughs at the glare he receives, messing up Jungkook’s hair. “Sorry. I just had to one last time before you go.”
Jungkook visibly relaxes, laughing along with him, and extending his arms for another hug.
Hoseok smiles where he stands watching them. When Jungkook turns to him next, he walks up to the younger boy and they face each other for a beat, neither knowing how to navigate this awkward situation.
“Come on guys,” Namjoon motions for the rest to get inside, “let’s give them a moment.”
When the door slides shut behind him, Hoseok shakes his head, “You idiot.”
Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise, till he sees the smile growing on Hoseok’s face.
“You should’ve told us sooner.”
“I didn’t know how to…” Jungkook shrugs, “It’s like I keep bringing everyone bad news.”
“We care about you, you know that right?”
Jungkook swallows a lump in his throat. Hearing that from Hoseok is something else. “I⎼”
“Even if it is bad news, we’d want to know. So we can help you.” He smiles. “You’re not alone in this life, Jungkook. You have us.”
Hands trembling, and failing to stop the tears from racing down his cheeks, Jungkook sniffs, wiping his face with his sleeve. Hoseok extends his hand and Jungkook takes it only to be pulled into a hug. It’s unnatural at first, until Hoseok pats his head.
He gets the same feeling he got when they were talking on the roof; a hint of nostalgia, the same feeling he used to have as a child when he spent time with his sister. His body eases into Hoseok’s hold. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I’m sorry for everything.”
“Stop that.” Hoseok orders, though he’s breaking out into tears as well.
“I mean it. I caused a lot of trouble.” Jungkook sniffs. “Thanks for always looking out for me, and thinking of me. You’re…you’re the big brother I never had.”
Hoseok’s grip tightens as the words come out of his mouth. He wishes there was more he could do, part of him still feeling guilty over how things went down between them.
“Stupid Jungkook.” He giggles when he pulls away.
Jungkook’s glossy eyes and red nose, and Hoseok’s tear stained face makes the other laugh. They wipe their faces bashfully. “You come back soon, okay?”
Jungkook nods. “I have to ask you a favour.”
Hoseok tilts his head in question.
“While I’m gone, please look after her.” Jungkook glances back, though he can’t see you through the tinted windows. “She has a knack for getting into trouble. And if anyone, I think you’ll be able to keep her out of it. I trust you.”
“Of course.” Hoseok grins. “But only while you’re away. After that, I’m gonna have to start charging for babysitting services.”
Jungkook nods, chuckling. “But if you so much as try to make another move on her, just know that I’m gonna beat you up.”
Hoseok laughs, and it’s the first time Jungkook thinks he’s ever heard his laugh, now realising how warm it makes him feel. “Don’t worry.” He takes a more serious tone. “Everything will be fine here, just know that we’ll all be waiting for your return.”
“Thank you.”
The rain starts to get heavier, and Jungkook gestures towards the car as he slides the door open. “You should get inside. It’s starting to really pour.”
Namjoon and you exit the car as Hoseok slips inside. You grab hold of his hand as another car enters the lot, Namjoon with a knowing smile directed at you. “There’s someone else who needs to say goodbye.”
Jungkook tilts his head adorably, rubbing his red nose. He eyes the car, which stops next to the ones you’re standing in between. Namjoon gets the door, bringing the umbrella along. Jungkook watches as he comes back around, with someone else walking closely next to him.
His eyes go wide.
Disregarding the rain, she runs right into Jungkook’s arms, hugging him tight. Still processing it, he tilts his head to make sure he’s seeing this right, before wrapping around her shoulders. “Mia! How’d you⎼”
“I called her.” You say. “Told her everything.”
“What the hell.” She slams her fist onto his chest, while still resting her head on him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Jungkook chuckles. “About which part?”
“Everything.” She says, pulling away, wiping her eyes. “Why did you carry that burden all by yourself? You should’ve told me. I could’ve helped you.”
“I couldn’t put you at risk like that.”
“Of course you couldn’t.” Jungkook touches the part of her head where a bandage is. He sighs. “I’m fine now.”
“Of course you are.” He chuckles, an adoring look on his face. “I’m glad you’re okay. Now that we’re free, promise me you’ll get into college, and find a good, safe job.”
Mia smiles though she struggles to keep her lips upturned. “I’ll try my best. When will you be back?”
“Not sure. It’ll be a while.”
Her shoulders slump in resignation. “Do you really have to go?” She turns to Namjoon who presses his lips into a thin line and shrugs.
“I have to.” Jungkook sighs. “But don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
“I know.” Mia nods. “I’m gonna miss you, boss.”
“I’m not your boss now,” he raises his palms, “you’re on your own kid.”
She giggles. “I’m gonna miss you. Thanks for always looking out for me. I owe you.”
“No you don’t. Go live your life.” Jungkook pulls her in for another hug. “I’ll miss you too.”
As another car pulls up, the agents start moving around you. As Mia joins the others in the car, Namjoon gestures towards Jungkook, making your heart race, hands slipping into his, squeezing tight.
“We’re ready.” He says, speaking to the both of you. “I’ll go with you about halfway. You’ll be handed over to Jaemin and the local handler after.”
Jungkook nods, turning towards his friends. It feels surreal, looking at the four pairs of eyes watching him with a mixture of fondness, despair and solemness. “It’s time. I have to go now. I um, really enjoyed the dinner we had, and when I come back, I really hope we can do that again, if you guys like.”
“We’ll hold you to that.” Hoseok says.
Everyone wishes him their last goodbyes and hugs, and he looks at you, nodding. Hand in hand, you walk with him towards the car parked on the opposite side of the lot. While you have made peace with it, you can’t help the tears that stream down your face.
Jungkook’s cold hands come up to the side of your face. “I’m sorry.”
Shaking your head, your hands fix his jacket, pulling it tighter around him and placing your hands on his chest. “Is it too late to request for me to come with you?”
His eyes crinkle at the corners. “I told you to get in my suitcase.”
You laugh, and he gently grabs on to your hands, holding them up between you. Your finger brushes against the metal around one of his, a familiar ring which catches your attention.
“Do you want your ring back?”
“No,” you suck in a breath, pulling out the necklace with the ring he gave you, clutching it in your fist. “You said we’d exchange this when we’re free to be with each other.”
“We are free to be together.” He grins, “Just very very far apart.”
You shove him playfully. “Keep that. It’ll keep you safe. A piece of me to have with you.”
“Baby, you’re always with me. In here.” He points to his heart and smile widens at the way your nose scrunches up.
“Silly.”
His laugh dies down eventually, and you can hear the time ticking, counting down to the exact moment you’d have to part.
“You know how much you mean to me right?” Jungkook says, running his tongue over his lips that have suddenly gone dry.
“As much as you mean to me.” You nod.
His lips quiver, and you see that little boy from a small town, losing his sister, having to leave his family in pursuit of somewhere to call home. The scared little boy who only wanted somewhere he belonged.
“I love you so much Jungkook.” You say, clutching his hands.
“I love you too, Y/N.”
With your arms wrapped around each other, you let the warm tears stream down your face. He tilts his head to kiss you, soft and gentle, melting his lips into yours. With one last look at you, he breaks away, leaving only your intertwined hands.
Behind him, Namjoon stands with his back towards you, sheltering the two of you with an umbrella. He slides the door open, a cheerless smile on his face as he turns to you.
Pressing his lips to your forehead, soothing the ache in your heart, and his, Jungkook’s hand slowly slips away from yours. The emptiness you already feel, physically and emotionally, takes the breath out of your lungs.
Hana hugs you tight in the car, wiping the tear stains off your face.
As you’re about to leave, your cars stop right next to each other just before exiting the rest stop, about to head in opposite directions. The windows roll down, both yours and his.
Hair blowing in the wind, he flashes his charming smile, one that you've ingrained into your memory.
I love you. He mouths.
As the cars inch forward, turning into opposite directions, Jungkook blows you a kiss, and you to him.
From the rear window, his car carries on down the long road ahead, eventually disappearing from sight, dragging your heart along with it.
⎼
Hi my love,
I hope you’re well! I’ve settled in nicely here. I wish I could tell you more but you-know-who’s looking over my shoulder right now, reminding me about the million things I should be careful about while writing this, and is annoying me to death. Other than that, it’s not too bad. Although I’m already missing you terribly.
They say I’m gonna have to look for a job and I’m kinda nervous. I’ve never been to a job interview before. And I’d have to wear a tie! I think it’s ridiculous but you’d like that though, wouldn’t you?
Miss you. Hope you’re eating well, staying warm and out of trouble.
I hope everyone else is okay too. Please give them my regards, will you? I’ll talk to you soon.
Love, J.K.
P.S. send nudes.
