When couples from Austen’s time broke off a relationship (in Sense and Sensibility, for example), I’ve noticed that they return their letters to each other. I’ve kind of just accepted this as an Old Fashioned Thing, but I don’t really understand why they do it. Do you have any explanation? Thanks!
I believe it’s kind of a respectful thing to do. Love-letters could, at best, be used to besmirch someone’s reputation if they said loving things and have now, for whatever reason, reneged on their promise of marriage. At worst, they could be provided as evidence for breach of promise in a court-case if one half of the broken engagement (usually the woman) feels wronged enough to go for a law suit. (Which in some cases might be worthwhile, if a man has dallied and caused her to waste her time and affections on him if he had no intention of seriously marrying her. Engagements and promises of marriage were as important as business contracts, in some regards. When a genteel lady’s commonest means of honourable provision is good match, a man must either make good on his promises (particularly if they are explicit enough in writing,) or pay the price for breaking them.
So if a break-up was to be kept as discreet as possible and made final, the polite thing to do is to return all sentimental missives to the one who wrote them, to hide away or destroy as they see fit. In the case of Lucy Steele, she’s already got her economic security via Robert, so she can afford to be magnanimous in her airy break-up with Edward. One imagines if he had been the one to initiate the breaking of the engagement she would not have parted with a single one of his letters until he’d coughed up something substantial. Not only is Edward honourable, one wonders if in his reduced circumstances after being disinherited he also simply cannot afford to have Lucy take him to court.
