#ramblings?

[foxgirlchorix]

my advisor comes up to me. "my liege," she says, her tone grave. "today has been declared... wolfgirl friday." she places a hand on my head, uncomfortably close to my ears.

[fromadistantstar]

megastructures are ripe for being parasitized

unmaintained cylinder, its dragonfly-mirrors coated in algae

surrogate-sun reactor, forest grown to meet it

leaking fuel tank feeds something new

[quasistartitties]

girl tearfully confessing that she didnt rape you even once in the time loop

[sarcastic-olive-enjoyer]

GUYS GUYS GUYS GANG CHAT BROTHERS SISTERS AUNTS UNCLES MOMS DADS GRANDMAS GRANDPAS COUSINS FRIENDS ENEMIES---

I don't know what to post about😢 Somebody send me asks so I have an excuse to yap about shit (like for example questions about any of my ocs lore, random facts about any of my ocs, oc x canon bullshittery, or like whatever else you think of)

Please guys I'm so bored

[thesightofthestarsmakemesmile]

I'm trying to be as genuine and truthful and honest as I possibly can to all of you because I can never do so irl, but I CAN'T because the magnitude with which I adore and love my mutuals is way too much. They only ever see the tip of the iceberg, and never know of the gargantuan rest of the iceberg that spans into the twilight zone. And I'm afraid if they ever enter into that realm, it'll overwhelm them. It'll be too much, suffocating even. The below prose is that realm, tread at your own risk as the hopefully comforting darkness engulfs you.

I love my mutuals like how I love coincidentally waking up early, and walking to the balcony and breath in the morning air. I love you like how I love the warm and somewhat dimmed sunshine of the afternoon and the light wind playing with the leaves. Her solar majesty's children dance on my skin, and the wind cools my sorrows. In the wind, I sometimes feel your presence, sweeping away my fears and worries. Or am I just too lonely...

I love you like how I love the vast sky, or is it sea? They blend together so seamlessly, so easily, so beautifully and lovingly, yearning for the day they'll become one it just feels RIGHT. Right, like my love for you. I am the sea, waves crashing into the horizon trying to reach you. You. Perfect, lovely, indescribably charming you. You, the sky, stretching into the expanse of the universe, your shades and colours and particles and self expanding forevermore and so so so unique. Yet all I could ever see and be allowed to see and comprehend is the cocktail of blue, orange, yellow, red, pink, purple, black and white. And even that is enough to make me fall hopelessly in love.

I love you like how I love the drifting clouds, floating in the sea of sky, so perfect, so soft, so comforting and soothing, the feeling of my thoughts when they are about you. If we were clouds, drifting together, I'd beg the winds to push me along, just so I can catch up to you and we'll collide in a mist of water molecules, which seems more like my tears of joy, and hug and hug and embrace until there's nothing left but one big, beautiful, amalgamation of love and joy.

I love you like how I love the occasional birdsong. So rare it is, these days, in the city and dorm of my institution. I used to be able to hear it more, back in rural lands of my own home. Yet, whenever I am fortunate enough to hear a shrill melody from the nearest treetop, my heart positively jumps for joy. No, not jump, dance. It dances to the bird's song, waltzing and prancing around so gayly, as if it were you who was singing to me. Perhaps it was you...

I love you like how I love a river. A bubbling stream, spilling its soul into the ocean again. Ribbons and ribbons of rivers and waterways-you- engulf the earth-me- in ethereal beauty. Spreading vegetation and greenery and flora and fauna wherever you go, you're a blanket of comfort, of laughter and life and you save me from my own destruction and drought. My soul consists of Mother Nature's children, and you feed them, and provide them a home, a haven of safety and acceptance.

I love you like how the Moon loves the Earth. How Luna loves Gaia. Forever we waltz in the limits of our physiology, forever we orbit, forever we dance. Or not forever... If we weren't so bounded by the laws of physics, I'd pick you up and spin you around, and we'd go beyond this silly little orbit of ours. We'd traverse the universe with no fear in mind. And you, the ever kindly earth, would love me, I feel, despite all my craters and imperfections, despite the fact that my dark side, the half of me hidden in the shadows, face away from you at every possible turn. You'd... understand...and be patient...I think ... And we wouldn't give a damn for the tides.

But mostly, I think I love you like how I love the stars. Ad astra per aspera was my favourite Latin phrase. I've always wanted to be something better than myself, and reach far beyond the roots of this planet. I've held myself back, I've chained myself into the foundations of the earth before, I've tried to suppress my desire and bury it into the eternal home of those who eternally rest, waiting for the occasional daisy to bloom, a dandelion maybe, a piece of nostalgia of what I wanted to be: golden, glowing, and then airy, flying in the breeze and hopefully the cosmos. But that wouldn't happen. I'd just wish on it and watch as it crumbles and decays. But, oh, the thought of you. It persists in my mind, pulsing, glowing with hope, hope for a brighter future than I could ever dream of. And I get back up again. And I cut my chains. Every encouraging word you say to me is another new step of my staircase that reaches the sky and every loving sentence is another feather added to my wings. And then someday, though I'm not sure when that day will come, I'll have reached the stars at last, not caring for the chill of outer space, so biting yet so exhilarating. And from within me, all my love will explode, as nuclear fusions call upon my internal power, and I shine, at last, for all to see, for all to admire. Though, who would ever notice me, right? Out of the billions of other stars in the sky, what even makes me unique? And it seems I've reached the top, but now, in all the radiance and brilliance, I feel... alone. Empty although so much is happening in me. But I know what's truly missing . And I revisit the one who started it all. You. You. My darling. My ultimate demise but also my ultimate saviour. I'll shine for you, my love, as you did for me. I wish I could become every star in the sky, I wish I could become a comet, an asteroid, every celestial body there could ever exist, so I may wish light upon you too. So the combination of the light all my parts could come together, and give you a beautiful, starry night. But I'm only a singular star, and I can only give so much. But I hope it's enough to repay you. To instill in you the hope that you gave me, so all your days will be filled with light, and no matter the weather, your soul may blossom with the warmth that I wish to inspire in you. And maybe one day, we'll float in the cosmos, radiating love, forevermore watching down upon humanity, beaming, and enjoying the everlasting starry nights.

[eating-the-sand]

and then it’s winter again. and you don’t know where those days of feeling and being numb and friendship and love, so much genuine adoration, and pain on top of pain and books and pancakes and blasting music until your brain stops and sitting in devastated silence and that joy and wonder and making yourself vomit in school bathrooms so you wouldn’t do it in class and being seen as a boy and a girl and dysphoria and euphoria and biology notes and every little thing that has built itself into something ugly, something beautiful, something I will look back on in a mixture of nostalgia and anger and sadness and joy and simply every single thing

[rebouks]

Maybe I've mentioned it before, or maybe not... But I'd love to turn Somnium into a novel once I've finished, though I'm not so great at the whole prose thing. As an experiment, I decided to write up this scene between Oscar and Sidney. Take a gander below the cut if you fancy giving it a read!

Oscar breathed a sigh of relief the second the door slammed shut behind him. Ivan and Tommy were taking the piss, but they were right; he hated hospitals. There was no particular reason, no past trauma, no horror story, just a heavy feeling that sat in his chest whenever he set foot in one. Huffing, he fumbled around in his pockets for a cigarette. He wasn’t fond of giving into his fears either, but the lack of alcohol in his system had put him on edge and he didn’t much feel like battling yet another war with his own mind right now. One cigarette, maybe two, then he’d go back upstairs.

The sound of a soft sob suddenly shattered Oscar’s endless rumination, it sounded oddly familiar… He poked his head out from his hiding spot, only to have his suspicions confirmed. Sidney. Sighing once more, Oscar left the shelter of the doorway and headed her way. He hovered in front of his mother, chunky boots shuffling awkwardly in the melting snow.

“Are you okay...?” he asked, tentatively.

Sidney jumped at the sound of her son’s voice, hastily attempting to compose herself as she wiped away her tears with the back of a cold hand.

“Oscar… You must be here to see your friend.”

“Mhm.”

“How is he?” she asked.

“Seems okay.”

He warily took a seat next to her as a heavy silence quickly fell between the two. As much as they fought, Oscar didn’t enjoy seeing his mother so upset. She wasn’t usually a crier.

“What’s wrong?”

Sidney seemed momentarily surprised by the question, though she shook it off and answered quietly “I… I lost a patient.”

“Oh.”

It was all he could muster. What were you supposed to say to that? Sorry? It sounded so fake and insincere. Before he could think of a better response, Sidney continued.

“You think you’d get used to it but I.. he was just a little boy. He had his whole life ahead of him and now…”

She stalled for a brief moment; face contorted with grief.

“His poor parents. It’s hard sometimes, to get their faces out of your head; or the sounds. Especially when-… Sorry.”

She cut herself off again, shaking her head. She’d said too much.

“It’s okay.” He muttered.

Oscar risked a sideways glance at his mother, immediately regretting it. He set his gaze toward his boots, trying his utmost not to tear up. He knew she was thinking about him, but he didn’t know what to say to comfort her, didn’t dare. It had been too long, there was too much unease, too much pain; wedged between them like a huge slab of ice. He wished there wasn’t, wished it would melt away as easily as the snow in the weak winter sunshine; but it didn’t work like that. After all this time, he’d have to make the first move… Except he couldn’t, not now. Instead, he stayed put, eyes fixed on the cigarette he twirled idly between his fingers. Sidney wasn’t oblivious to her son’s anguish, though seemed equally unwilling or unable to bridge the gap. She rose to her feet with a forced smile and a sniffle.

“I should go back in… I know you don’t like hospitals, but you should try and spend some time with your friend.”

Oscar nodded “I will.”

Something finally broke as she turned her back on him.

“Mum?”

Sidney froze. Oscar hadn’t called her that for well over a decade.

“Hm…?”

“I’m sure you did the best you could.”

“Thanks, honey…” she smiled, a real smile this time.

Oscar returned the smile and couldn’t help but feel a slither of hope rise up, something he hadn’t felt whilst looking at either one of his parents for a long while. Maybe they’d make amends eventually. It didn’t have to be today, but the fact the possibility remained was enough for the time being.