I will miss you Ramchi
Having just reached home after a 1500-km weekend, I was getting all geared up for one of the most auspicious days in Hindu Calendar, Karthika Pournami. Setting myself an agenda, I get a whazaapp message from an unknown number. Usually, I ignore such messages, but the next message kind of caught my attention. It said ‘Did you hear something about Ram’? Immediately, I knew it was my cousin who works in the same office as my good friend Ramchi (Ram), and I understood what had happened. I called him immediately to check when was this and he said maybe yesterday morning. I called to my friend’s number and after countless number of rings, finally someone picks the call up crying very badly. I just ask her to whatsapp me the house address and I set off with my mind wandering.
Ramchi had been my friend for 20 years. We had spent a lot of nights burning midnight oils during our IIT coaching days. We had similar thought processes, he was a favorite in our extended family. He was a very simple man high on moral values and ultra-disciplined. But as time passed by, the distance grew. I had met him just thrice after our Intermediate days, once immediately post my wedding and once for my sister’s wedding.
Within 15 minutes, I reached his place. Its one thing that your mind comprehends based on what you hear and what people say, and it’s an entirely different thing when the reality is staring at you right in front of your eyes. There’s a big crowd over there and within minutes, I was able to catch a glimpse of Mukunda (his brother), Chandana (Chandu, his sister), his visibly old Mom from the last time I have seen her and a man who was performing the rites with utmost devotion, his father.
Ramchi’s Mom is such a wonderful lady and she has always treated me like her son during our college days. She used to feed me along with her kids, ask me to eat properly and used to create a healthy competition for marks between Ramchi and me. Chandu is my Rakhi sister who would even send virtual rakhis after I moved to the USA. She would tie me a Rakhi during college days and would ask nothing more than a dairy milk.
The circumstances, now, were totally different. On a different day, Chandu would have gotten a shock of her life looking at me and would have ran and given me a big hug. I would have gone staright to Aunty’s feet for her blessings and tears would have rolled down her eyes with a different emotion. And here I am, trying to reason if it was correct on my part to come here, having not even maintained touch with the family for close to 2 decades. Nevertheless, I go to Mukunda , who does not recognize me. I introduce myself as his brother’s friend and he remembers me. He seemed to be in a balanced state, trying to attend to different people and various little chores.
I was right behind Aunty, who has been crying with her son’s body right in front of her. I decide not show her my face, partly due to embarrassment for not keeping in touch for all these years, and partly due to the fact that I was not prepared for how she would react when she recognizes me. I go straight to Ramchi, take one last look at his face and come down and stand in a corner. Chandu, who has been busy running around here and there, finally sees me from far but does not acknowledge. The next moment I see her beside me. ‘Annayya.. nuvvu Karteek Annayya e kada’. On a different day, I would have countered her in a much humorous fashion, but I simply nodded in yes. Tears roll down her already red eyes and she was trying to control herself. She explained me in minute details as to what happened. She is also excited at seeing me after such a long time, she introduces me to her daughter, Ramchi’s 2 daughters.
It has been three years I had moved to India but I never tried to get in touch with any of my childhood, Inter and engineering friends. I was busy in my own world and its only thanks to my wife’s constant nagging asking me to be socially active that I had started using whatsapp. And that’s when I got Ramchi’s number and talked to him, to wish him on his bday. His office was 2 mins walk from my home. I was so excited to meet him but he was already home. I wanted to go to his house with a small cake on his bday but quickly realized he had a family with 2 kids and parents. He insisted that’s not an issue and wanted me to come home but I felt maybe another day. The next time I wanted to go to his office but just when I set to leave, something related to work had come up and again I postponed. On Diwali eve, he called me telling that he would come visit our house with full family. Even then, I had asked him not to citing work reasons. My reactions in these three incidents are not my usual nature, but on hindsight, I wonder with guilt how did I manage that not once or twice, but three times. I could have just met him for lunch on any weekday. In fact, had I not gone to Rajahmundry over the weekend, which I did not want to, going to his house was one of the priorities. When Chandu said maybe this was the way u were supposed to meet him one last time, it was like a tight slap on my face which will stay for a long time.
After almost an hour of me coming there, Aunty seemed to be a little okay and was looking around trying to see if she has not missed out on not talking to anybody. Our eyes met and immediately Chandu went to her side and told her that it was Karteek annayya. She was sitting on a chair and I wasted no time in going to her and squatting beside her feet. She holds both my hands very tightly and asks me one question : ‘Enti Karteek.. mee friend ilaa chesaadu’. It was very similar to radhika asking people in Swathikiranam ‘Gangadharaanni champindi aa devudaa ee devudaa’. I didn’t have an answer. She would not leave my hands until I speak. I gather all courage to just say few words which I don’t even remember. She introduces me to everyone around her in a proud manner. ‘veedu maa bidda’. ‘Ramachandran ki chaala close friend’. ‘Ilaa ayyindi ani telsisna ventane parugettuku vachhaadu’. I was feeling the slaps again left, right, left. And finally she tells me. ‘mee friendship chaala strong ayyaa.. innellu kalusukovaka poyina ee ghadiyallo rappinchaadu ninnu aa devudu’. She introduces me to her daughter-in-law whom I had met once earlier and she tells her as a matter-of-fact: ‘Ayyo naaku theleeka povatam enti.. I met him and chaala saarlu MVS MVS ani taluchukuntuu undevaaru’. ‘Monna birthday ki MVS call chesaadu ani chaala murisipoyaaru. Vaallintiki kooda veldaamu annaaru. Inthalone ilaa ayyipoyindi… and she started weeping again profusely.’
Within no time, it was time for the ladies to bid farewell. The scene was very hard to digest. His mom was holding me tightly, letting everything out. I was standing there like a monster without a single drop in my eye, just waiting for the moments to pass. The body is taken away within no time. I was amazed at the way Chandu handled herself throughout. She was very practical for a woman. She asked me ‘Annayya.. nuvvu velthunnaavu kada..’ I said : ‘Of course’. She said maaku aa adrushtam kooda ledu.. em chesthaamu. Honestly, till then, I did not even think consciously, if I were going or not. I just got into my vehicle and set off to the crematorium.
Having gone there, I felt blessed to be part of the few people who carried the body till the pyre. I didn’t wear the traditional wet panche but nobody objected me. The final rites were done. Uncle very sincerely followed each and every instruction with conviction. He was like a rock, but it was clear that there was a volcano inside. I stayed right beside the pyre feeling the heat, both physically and emotionally, despite everybody going and sitting in a shade. My thoughts were rolling from the first time I had actually met him to all those times where we had fun, argued like brothers, ate food in one plate, competed like rivals and talked like there was no tomorrow.
I didn’t know how the time passed and I stayed there until I was literally driven away. I went straight to Uncle and asked him if he recognized me. He looked at my face and said ‘Nuvvu Shyamlal lo undevaadivi kada’. I was amazed at his memory as I did not have such a big rapport with Uncle. He managed a smile on his face for having seen me after such a long time, and invited me to the rest of the ceremonies over the course of the days. I spoke with the workers there to ensure the whole process went on fine. There were standard dialogues from them expressing their condolences about how the new age technology is not able to cure diseases, how heart-breaking it would be for a father to perform the karma of his son etc.
I set off to home still unable to accept what has happened. The emotions were there, the thoughts were wandering, the same old questions as how, why etc. I started to wonder if the fact that I was not able to meet him despite many opportunities was bothering me more than his passing away. I am sure the guilt would remain for a while, but I am hugely grateful to my cousin, Havish, who notified me as soon as he knew about it. Thank you.. Havish.
