so 99% of the time I am very happy about the fact that I am selfless and kind and willingly do things for others and disregard my own needs and wants to consider the feelings of others and I realize this is Good and makes me Likable but 1% of the time you see someone who is not as Good or Likable getting their way because they ask for it. because they push their weight around and don't care who gets in the way or who they hurt because they will get what they've come for!!! and I understand that they may not be as respected or they have less friends or people don't say wow what a kind generous and lovely person but tonight some part of me wished I could be like that. for a second. because even though I constantly give at the expense of myself sometimes it'd be fucking nice to not care if I hurt someone or inconvenience them or am a nuisance because I will experience life! or do what I want! or not just put every fucking one else in front of me sometimes it's just hard to be That Person and always pretend you're Fine with it because sometimes you want to be first and important and selfish. or to at least have people notice that you are sacrificing so much of what you want for others even though they won't because they assume it's easy for you to keep quiet and smile and say yes. most of the time this doesn't bother me. and I know this trait is why I have good relationships and strong friendships and people I barely know who love me and that this will probably make me a good wife and mom. but right now I feel it taking a toll. in the midst of so much change I feel my wants and needs getting lost -- more than they already do.