#ranting aside

[jinikaris]

/ᐠ > ˕ マ Ⳋ birthday cat ⟢ 2024 birthday stream

[redspecs]

my dad is trash and i’mma vent. a past suicide mentioned.

soo basically everything he says is bullshit and when he texts or calls or emails I can always see Tactics everywhere. like i don’t bring it up (cuz i don’t even care. helping him be a better person is not my problem anymore) but i greatly suspect, and later get proven right when he either escalates at me (rarer) or when my mom or sister share the bullshit he spouts at them, which is harsher because they have been like. the ongoing “””villains””” for a while. 

RECENTLY the asshole blatantly tried to get like. random sympathy points to like. draw me (and my sister???? complicated) back in. like make me feel...anythign and make my sister feel guilty for treating him...some...way. (can you treat anyone any way if you are not talking to him and just trying to live ur life?) Like a person he knew died. He was friends with them a while, used to invite his family over to use the pool in the old house. Sister actually in age group of the kids. Me? when he told me it pinged my “Tactics” radar but most things do so i shrugged it off. My sister, who should be receiving NO messages from him, they are unwelcome and he KNOWS it, was told too. and differently. and i added another tally to my “i’m right” count. Not gonna get into details.

YESTERDAY my mom admitted that in a voicemail he left on her work phone that he pulled out like. my cousin’s past suicide while expressing concern(the self-serving kind) about me. cuz from his pov apparently he worries about me having suicidal thoughts and like. ugh. First off he thinks this because i don’t want to see him or talk to him and basically don’t even try so he wouldn’t even know. I’ve been a bit lower lately, yeah, but not dealing with him is not a symptom, it IMPROVES matters. Second like, fuck off cuz when you plant that thought in someones head, even when they know it’s crap that’s gonna linger in the back of their mind at least a little. he’s so gross.

[quititcarolyn]

my mom and i were joking about how i need to marry a rich man. and i was teasing about how i wouldn't mind and old rich dude because that's what i'm attracted to H AH AHA HA HA fun times. but then we got to talking about how that would never work because i hate being bossed around, and old rich men are kind of bossy. 

not all of them, but a lot of them.

but anyway, this isn't actually about rich old men, it's about how i fucking hate being bossed around. because i do. i realized, talking to my mom, how much of an independent thinker i am, how i really can't stand being told what to do, or that what i'm feeling is wrong.

so, fair warning those of the internet - don't tell me what i can't do. or should do. or should like! don't fucking shame what i like. don't tell me i should like something else. don't degrade my feelings. 

i see so much obnoxious holier-than-thou attitude on tumblr that it makes me sick. i'm allowed to like stupid things. i'm allowed to dislike very wonderful things. and just because i like something or don't like something else - it doesn't define me.

and i'm allowed to change my mind.

i do not tolerate being herded, or shamed, or intimidated, or coerced. you can all go suck it.