#ranty personal

[rantceratops]

Shadowbox for my dear kitty.

Was given the idea for the last pic to be of her as a kitten, so there is a blank space for that when I get it.

It seems the last few days have been waterworks for me.

[rantceratops]

I am having the weirdest time rn.

Had 101.5 temp last night, was feeling nauseated and ache-y, so I took some pain medicine and drank cold water and by 3 in the morning the fever was gone.

But then I still felt like shit all day today, with my temperature pretty much staying in the 99.3 to 99.6 range. I have that weak/tired feeling you get when you’re sick, with occasional moments of feeling alright.

And now I’m down to 98 again but still feel crappy and feel like I’m trying to develop a cough.

Like what the fuck is my body DOING?

[rantceratops]

You ever just feel like... so stressed for reasons you can’t even figure out and it also kinda makes you want to cry in frustration for almost no reason at all?

No? Just my depression? Okay.

[rantceratops]

Very seriously considering going vegetarian. :) Both for health reasons and also for ethical reasons... and also just because I think I could do it and I’d probably feel better for it. It will be hard starting out, especially with the rest of my family eating meat but... I am very seriously considering it.

I have been uncovering so much about myself here lately, it’s been phenomenal tbh. I wish I had taken the time to think about more of the things I feel/want in life before now. But better late than never!

[rantceratops]

Everyone always talks about wanting affection, things like cuddling and stuff like that, but I don’t even desire that, lmao. I’m not a touch averse person, but I don’t usually go seeking touch either. I could be okay with looping my arm in someone else’s while we walk somewhere(and even then only for a short period of time before I’m done), probably the same thing with hand holding I guess.

But I do not feel a desire for cuddling or intimately sharing space with anyone. If that makes sense? I love and appreciate intimate things in fiction(whether romantic/sexual coded or platonic coded), but never really think about or pine for those things in real life for myself.

(I still very much enjoy the company and companionship of my friends and family, don’t get me wrong here. And obviously I feel affection, just in case I made it sound like I don’t somehow.)

[rantceratops]

I feel comfortable being a “girl” or whatever but tbh if I had my choice I would just be me. If there was an option to have no genitals and no gender-related romantic/sexual expectations to have to worry about then I would pick that option.

Like if I could just be some cool anthro-animal-monster person that was just themself and nothing more, that would be sick af. I mean, just being a human that feels that way also sounds cool, it doesn’t matter which one.

But I think that’s my favorite thing about my character being a dragon. I don’t really think too much about the gender or anything like that, it’s just... me. It’s me as a dragon. And if I ever change that perception of myself it’ll probably still be the same exact way. I like not feeling like I have to slap boobs on it because I’m a girl and happen to have boobs irl. My boobs don’t define me, they’re just there.

I’m not saying that I think my gender is necessarily different than assigned at birth, but sometimes I wish I had a good group of irl friends that was supportive and helped me explore different aspects of gender. Just to explore about it much like I’ve read and explored about sexual orientation. (Why would I need supportive friends to explore this, you ask? Because I’m a chickenshit and live in a po-dunk ass southern town and I’m also not sure my parents would be supportive of me being ace or aro, much less if I winded up wanting to use different pronouns or something. So exploring that shit with no support? Hell to the no.)

Idk if that really means anything but there it is. Just some thoughts to spew onto my blog.

[rantceratops]

I don’t know which hurts worse, the aphobia from allo people that don’t understand, or the aphobia from LGBT+ exclusionists.

I’ve seen some humdingers from both sides and let me tell you, that shit hurts.

[rantceratops]

Haircuts are so fucking refreshing.

I want it shaved boy-cut short sometimes though. I was actually encouraged to try an undercut and I’m just. I love undercuts but idk if I’d look good in one. But it was a nice thought none-the-less.