#rapmonnet

[beanieminnies]

Namjoon out there tryna be Salt Bae

[apgujeon]

사람 person, 사랑 to love, 살아 to live (trans)

[apgujeon]

“monjin couple” - jimin

[monbell]

Humanoid

A Namjoon scenario

Genre: Fluff, Humor (?) Philosophy!AU(?)

Word count: around 4k

Request: “Hey you called this number at like 3AM and we talked about some pretty heavy shit do you remember any of that?” (With Namjoon please) The source is @dailyau. REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WRITER.” // by @haniwritesbtsstuff

A/N: also a dedication to @pjiminnie​ who requested a Namjoon talking about philosophy eras ago jesus I am sorry. Also reminded to @namjoonssmartkookie that this is finally done. So, yeah, basically I had to deal with Aristotle’s quotes and tried to understand a bit of philosophy for you guys.Don’t forget to leave your feedback telling me your opinion ILY!

Three in the morning, an hour at which you should have slept like a bear, an hour at which now you stay and search in philosophy, trying and trying to finish your paper for the class that starts in exactly 5 hours. How will I be able to write this when I barely understand a word from these shitty statements? Your mind in a blur and your eyes are about to fall as your browse the internet in the hope of finding something you can somehow understand. No use. You started studying philosophy just a few days ago and the teacher already gave you an essay about human nature and he expects you to finish it and fully understand it when you can’t explain yourself why you ate what you ate for lunch.

The tiredness starts to envelope you and your shoulders slowly fall down together with your eyelids, your body becomes mellow and easier as your head is lacking the muscle force, now falling on the arm you held up to support it. Confused and surprised you jump in your place, going back to your original straight position when the table buzzes, moved by the vibrations of your phone. You look on the wall; at the clock again: 3:15 in the morning, who would call me at this hour?

As you see the number that appears on the screen is not saved in your memory, you decide to press the volume down button and wait for the call to end, thing that happens after 10 seconds. You stay a bit thinking about the person that called you and your eyes widen in surprise when you think about the possibility of one of your colleagues, one of those that has the same essay subject as yours. That’s the single thing your teacher missed, he had given the same subject to three people, he probably thought you will be good students and do the essay on your own, without copying from one another but oh how wrong he was.

Finally, the phone buzzes again and this time you don’t even bother to look at the number, you just press the green button and take the device to your right ear.

“Hello?” you answer right away, sounding a bit too awake compared to the real way you feel.

“Have you ever asked yourself what is a person?” the guy on the other end says, his voice slow but clear, as if he is in a deep tranquility.

“Umm, no, who are you?” you ask as his voice is unknown to you.

“This doesn’t matter.” he whispers.

“It does. What do you want? Why are you calling me at this hour?” you say a bit frightened.

“Ah sorry, were you sleeping? I want to sleep too, can I come to your place?” he giggles, his sounds husky.

“What? No, of course not.” you answer, disgust spreading over your face in furrows.

“Oh, ok, then I will just sleep here on the bench in front of this place of which name I can’t read.” he pauses and for a few seconds all you can hear are incoherent blabbers. You are ready to hang up when he continues in a low voice.

“I think it’s called ‘humanoid’...this remembers me of humans.” pause “Have you ever asked yourself what is a human? Or a person?” he repeats.

“N-no I haven’t.” you answer, only now realizing he is talking about the subject you should have been writing about. Could this be your teacher?

“Did you know that humans are actually animals?”

“No, who said that? We are not animals, although many people compare us with monkeys.” you start to debate, unable to explain yourself why.

“Aristotle claimed that humans are rational animals.”

“Ahh, rational animals.” you repeat and sneakily you start to type the idea in your computer.

“But what is a definition?” he suddenly asks.

“Huh? A definition? Umm, something that defines a word I suppose.”

“A general statement let’s say. But we should state something that is essential for that word. For example you can’t say a human is an animal that laughs.” he says slowly.

“Why not? We laugh.”

“The reason a laughing animal is not quite as good a definition of the human as a rational animal is that one seems more essential to being human than the other.”

“What? Wait..What?” you have to repeat, not because you didn’t type that but because it startles you.

“In seeking a good definition for a word, we want to identify, not just its unique properties, but its most essential qualities” and slowly you start to understand.

“But in defining something, we might also wish to say something a bit less obvious and concise”

“So, based on this last statement what is a human to you?” you ask.

“I’d say humans belong to the small group of self-aware social mammals that includes chimps and dolphins.”

“Ahh I see, so humans are chimps.”

“No no no” he denies confidently “Humans have something that chimps have too, the fact they are self-aware social mammals.”

“Well this makes sense if you think about it.” you admit.

“I know, do you understand now? Tell me, what is a human to you based on the things I said before.” he asks, his question making your heart stop in place as your brain tries to think of a  good definition.

“Umm...Humans are self-aware social mammals” you stop a moment to think. ”generally possessing the ability to reason, speak, and use complex tools?”

“Whoaaa, you are good, I am impressed” he starts to clap, his action rising a smile on your face.

And the conversations moves forward, providing you with more things about the humankind that you wouldn’t be able to memorize if you haven’t typed along with his automatically words. It all felt like a philosophy lesson that he read from a book but you know too well that it was not because ‘humanoid’, the place where he said he is, is a well known club, so who would bring a book in the club?

-

You abruptly wake up, the annoying sound of your morning alarm buzzing right in your ear. The phone was on the table, your ear above it and it all means that last night- after that complex discussion with that probably drunk stranger- you fell asleep. You feel somehow sorry for not answering anymore, although the alcohol perhaps made him fall asleep before you and no matter how much you’d love to stay and think about how bad you feel, there is no time for that because it's 7 in the morning and you haven’t finished your essay yet.

A knot forms in your throat as you tap the information you remember on the keyboard, luckily finishing your homework in less than half an hour. Compared to other days, today the words flew fast through your fingertips, this way making it possible to finish the damned paper. You press print and while the ink transfers on the white paper in the form of the words a stranger told you, you rush to the closet and pick up the first garments that fall in your hands -a plain T-shirt and a pair of green jeans-.

You don’t even bother to take something else beside the papers and your phone, your wallet and you immediately rush on the front door. The way to your university seems longer than usual, although you are running as a little kid who saw the ice cream car, and you don’t care that people saw you trapping over your own feet. One last glimpse at your watch and you speed up the pace, running as fast as you never thought you were able to because the class started for five minutes and you know too well that your teacher hates his students to be late at his hours the most.

You push people aside once you enter the big entrance of the university, you bump into people, almost dropping your papers a few times but you couldn’t care less. Your heart bumped in your ears and now you can’t hear anything else but it’s beats, your chest hurts so bad at the amount of expands you did while running and you get dizzy once you stop in front of the classroom, frozen at the anticipation of your tutor’s yelling.

You pull your lip in between your teeth and gather all your courage to open the door that once hitting the wall discovers your moving body that tries to get the air back in the lungs.

”Ahh look who delights us with her presence.” the teacher says sarcastically, his head peeking out from between the five students that circled his desk, maybe leaving their homework. You froze in place as you look in his directions, your gazes locking, allowing him to eat out all the energy that struggles to keep you awake.

“Come on in, Y/N, I won’t punish you.” he invites, his words making your brain twist the phrase over and over again in the hope of understanding it.

“You won’t?”you finally say, as your lambs move bunglingly into the big room.

“No, why would I? Come on in, we are all curious what you wrote in your essay.”he says, moving his hand and making you understand he wants you to move forward, thing you do fumblingly. As soon as you step closer, he stands up and comes closer to you after telling the students to go back in their seats. You stop in place, too frightened by the lean body that approaches you and moves in circle around your frail body.

You push yourself to handle him your paper but he laughs at the sight, pushing your hands towards your body.

“Come on, read.” and only now you realize his cunningness.

Although your voice is faltering and the tone is low, as if you wanted nobody to hear the crap you wrote, you obey to the teacher's wish and start slowly. After long minutes of nervous told sentences that made him nod his head and his eyebrows furrow in understanding, he stops you by hovering the paper you held with his hand.

“That’s enough. I have to say I never expected you to understand philosophy but strangely you did. I still don’t know the source of some informations but they do make sense so I can’t brag about it.” he says surprised and mutters a good job while heading back towards his desk to write down the 10 he hardly convinced himself to give you.

The class finishes and you now head towards the nearest coffee shop because, after probably three hours of sleeping in an uncomfortable position there is no way you can walk straight for more than an hour.

The bells that hang in front of the shop’s door cling nicely as you open the door, their sound mixing aesthetically with the song that was playing in the background. The smell or black coffee infiltrates in your nostrils, sending chills all over your body as you walk towards the front desk, looking at the menu.

”An americano please.” you order swiftly.

“I suppose I should make it as strong as possible.”the boy smiles as he introduces the order in the computer.

“Do I really look that tired?” you ask away, your expression falling into disappointment of not being able to at least powder your face in the morning.

“Ahh, no, not really, it’s just that you walked lazily in here and I just thought…”he explains awkwardly, thing that makes you giggle at his adorableness.

“I guess I did.” you joke and sit on a free table to wait for your order to be ready.

Not too much time passes and the boy comes towards you, bringing you two beverages, the americano you ordered and a grande ginger frappuccino. You watch that cup carefully and somehow confused, grabbing his hand as he sets them on the table.

“I didn’t ordered that.” you blabber.

“Yes, I know, it’s from the guy over there.”he points at the towering lean boy that stays in line. His legs are slim and long, his muscled peeking through the thin fabric of his jeans, his upper body is lacking any curve but the shirt he is wearing is stretched over his shoulder blades and as your gaze moves upper, his messy blond strands fall beautifully over the back of his neck. Maybe it’s only your imagination but when he turns around, it’s like there is a light coming from behind him. He starts to smile as he meets your eyes, deep holes forming in his cheeks as he waves towards you. Although frozen by the boy that payed for an extra drink, you smile back before lowering your eyes to focus on the glass of frappuccino.

At first you stare in the void, looking through the cup but as time passes by you focus on it and see the marker trace on the outline of the glass. Picking up the beverage and turning the glass so that you can read what it’s written.

“Thank you.”

You look up again and jump in surprise when you see him standing only five centimetres away from you. You look at him and see his smile again, this time brighter than before as he sits on the chair in front of you. Silence falls in between you, only random smiles exchanges happening for a few minutes, until, after pressing the cup of americano, you decide to speak.

“How did you know?” you ask, only receiving a surprise expression from him.

“Know what?”

“Ginger frappuccino. It’s my favorite. How did you know?”

“Ahh, this.” he rubs the back of his neck as his face screeches “I heard you ordering that americano.”

“Yeah, and? If I order an americano it doesn’t mean I am necessarily into ginger beverages.” you giggle.

“Actually, a research showed up that 78 percent of the people that drink dark coffee also enjoy bitter beverages.” he explains with passion.

“Ahh is that so?” you ask ironically, nodding along with your words as awkwardness floods through your body at the stupid way you made yourself look.

“And it was also random guess.” he jokes nonchalantly.

“So I look like a frappuccino drinker?”

“Absolutely not. Frappuccino drinkers are full of energy-”

“And how do you know I am not? Only because I am now super tired and probably my bags are showing doesn’t mean I am not energetic in general.” you retort quickly.

“I suppose you are right but also frappuccino drinkers are very fashionable-”

“And you are saying I am not? Only because I came in a plain T-shirt I randomly found in my closet because I was running late doesn’t mean I am not fashionable in the majority of time.” you say, trying to keep a serious expression even though you are bursting in laughter deep inside, the way he tries to save himself too amusing for your own good.

“Ok, this is true, but the reason you don’t look like a frappuccino drinker is that they are usually people’s person, people that are really outgoing and extroverts-”

“Ahh so I am an antisocial pessimist. Only because today I am moody and don’t feel like talking with everybody doesn’t mean I am this way everyday.” and finally a grin escapes your mouth, gesture he misses thanks to his face that pointed to the cups, his hands moving beyond his control over the cup of cappuccino he serves.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to..” he confesses and you burst, in the wrong moment but you do, your face illuminating as the inner part of your eyebrows rase, therefore giving you a mercy look.

“I was just joking.” you say back, trying to suppress the giggle that was about to leave your mouth again.

“I knew that.” he snickers to ambush his lie, although it’s obvious to you, but you still go with it and give up to let him think he won.

It’s only when your mom calls that you remember you had to call someone, but you postpone the idea as you answer the phone. Your mom basically asks you about your day and tells you she came in your home and cleaned the mess you left behind when you rushed in the morning and as soon as you hang up the phone, you rise your gaze and look at the blond in front of you, gesturing him to wait a moment as stand up and run outside the shop.

You could have sent him a message but you just feel you need to thank him ‘for real’ so you press that green button and wait nervously for the guy to pick up the phone, a knot forming in your throat as you hear his voice, different from last night.

“Hello?” he asks, his voice still low but sweeter this time.

“Umm..hey, do you remember me?” you mutter, awkward to call a guy that doesn’t even remember you.

“N-no, who are you?” and with his question the knot grows in your neck, the shame you feel suffocating you but now that you called him, you think it would be rude from you to close the phone because you are too ashamed.

“Funny story, you called me last night, I think you were drunk or something because you talked about the human being nature and it’s origins and Aristotle.” you say as fast as possible to shorten the time with him on the phone.

“Ahh, is that so? I am sorry, I guess I drank a bit too much last night, I am sorry if I bothered you.” he says and as you feel he is about to hang up you rush to stop him.

“Ahh, no, I didn’t call to whine about it, I called to thank you.”

“For what?” he asks befuzzled.

“I had to do a human being research for my class and thanks to you and your drunken philosophical statements from last night I managed to get a 10.”

“Ahh really? I am glad I could help, and yet again I am sorry if I bothered you last night.”

“No no, there was no trouble.”

“I am glad then, but as much as i would love to chat more, my partner is about to come back so what if we chat later?”

“Ahh, sure.” you say, your smile dropping as a little sadness covers your mouth.

“Ok, bye.” he says hastily and the beeping of the end of the call is buzzing in your ear, making you lower the phone as you mutter bye although he can’t hear it. You turn around and look towards your table, meeting the light haired boy’s gaze. He smiles brightly and waves you to come inside, order you follow right away because maybe his innocent jokes will make you feel better after this clumsy awkward conversation you had with a guy that sound so smart and mentally handsome last night.

You sit down and apologize for taking too much, earning a head shake from him. You smile at his kindness and look gingerly at him as he pushes the frappuccino in front of you.

“You just feel like you need something to drink. What happened? I am a good listener.”

“Ahh it’s just...this guy that I think he is so smart, this guy called me last night and started to talk about philosophical things and I kind of became attracted by his brain, you know?”

“You know there is that thing some people love, myself included, that we all call a sexy brain.” he smiles.

“Yes, exactly and I went outside to thank him, because thanks to that talk I managed to finish my paper and got a 10 at the philosophy class. I thought it would be nice if I thank him.”

“Yes, it’s a nice thing to do, but what is the problem?”

“He doesn’t remember me.” you confess quietly-but loud enough for him to hear- and lower your eyes again as shame envelopes your body. A sudden squeeze of your shoulder makes you look up at him and his comforting smile, feeling a bit better.

“You shouldn’t be sad, you did what it was right, he is the ass that didn’t know how to appreciate it.” he encourages you.

“Yeah...I guess you are right.” you say as for yourself and even though you expected the conversation to die, you are happy he continues talking.

“Actually there is a coincidence because before you came in I closed the phone with a random girl that told me a similar story.” he confesses and albeit it really is a coincidence, you are only able to hum in understanding.

“Look, if you feel too much of this shame, you can just text him and say something.”

“Yeah, actually this is a good idea.” you say as you take out your phone and start to type a message.

After you press the send button you lay back in your chair and wait for the answer, looking at the one standing in front of you, getting a bit of his happiness from his smile. In just a few seconds, a familiar sound of a new message comes from the guy’s phone and although it’s funny, you watch him attentively as he takes the phone out and reads the message, making a smile appear on his face and you to get up from your comfortable position to lean towards him.

“What is it?” you ask curious.

“You remember the girl I told you she called to thank me? It’s a message from her. Look.” he says and turns the phone until the screen is in your direction. As you read the text, your eyes get wider and wider, a surprising ‘No way’ leaving your lips in surprise.

“What?” he quizzes as he observes your expression.

You rush and take out your phone, enter the message history and show him the last message you sent.

“I am sorry, it’s me again. I thought it was a bit rude to hang up the phone as you did, even though you were busy. I wanted to thank you, not for the conversation from last night but for the fact you showed me how an ass sounds like.” he finishes the message and you both start to laugh.

“So it was you?” you ask each other in sincron.

“I was drunk last night, I am sorry.” he says through his amusing laughter.

“Ahh it’s ok, you are not that much of an ass as I thought you were. But who the hell is your partner? Because there is nobody else with whom you talk to except me.”

He stops for a bit and stares at you, waiting for your sounds to stop, your smile vanishing as you spot his admiring glare.

“Exactly.” he says, smiling, this time his expression full of delight and pleasure, as if he said something he waited to say from a long time.

“What? Me? Are you kidding me?” you joke,his answer too beautiful to be true, thinking that he is also a very charming man, with a brain as sexy as the last night’s guy, no wonder they are the same human being. You stop giggling as you see no change of expression from him, the same admiring expression shot towards you and as you look deeper inside of him. It becomes harder to keep your blush from peeking through the pores of your cheeks, finally giving in and letting it color them.

“I am Namjoon.” he says softly, extending his hand towards you and his smile widening, his eyes disappearing as his dimples appear in his cheeks.