Unexpected body lesson from the start of a 12 week fitness plan... But have I learned a damn thing?
After realising a personal trainer was an unnecessary extravagance I have set myself a 12 week challànge as of 2 days ago. I want to improve my level of fitness and change my body shape.
I’ve decided to up my 3 days a week cardio/insanity/yoga to 4 or 5 minimum along with other less intense exercise. I’ve also started eating 6 smaller meals a day after looking into nutrition, and vegan nutrition in particular.
After listening to the Henry Rollins podcast and the Mr Pepperman story I’ve decided to not look in the mirror at my entire body until the challenge is over. I’ve allowed myself face time in the mirror to brush my teeth and apply make up but that’s it. I decided to do the mirror thing thinking it would be an amazing revelation at the transformation but something else has happened.
Automatic thoughts are thoughts that flash through your mind without you realising they’ve even occurred.They can be OK, but sometimes detrimental. The more you become aware of the negative ones the more you can do something about them. I thought I was ok and they didn’t really happen to me, but I’ve learned something in these 3 days. From walking past mirrors and catching myself going to look in the bathroom mirror I’ve become aware of some of the destructive automatic thoughts I was having, at least 8 times a day (minimum!), about my podgy stomach and I’ve realised, even though I wasn’t aware of them, the few nano seconds they lasted they were making me feel really bad about myself as well as the amazing work I’ve already been doing. Without realising been telling myself I just wasn’t quite good enough throughout the day! Without realising I was undermining my achievements and not allowing myself to feel good. Without realising I was sabotaging myself! I thought I was doing so well!
I’m glad I have become aware of this and I feel like now I can be in charge and do things differently. I’m making the choice to feel good about myself and replacing the mirror time with feeling good about myself.
I think I’m on a good path to banish the self-negativity. But it’s got me thinking now.
How can I balance self acceptance and working towards my goal. How can I accept my belly podge and feel good about myself when I want to get rid of it? I’m going to concentrate on feeling good right now. All that’s real is this moment; and in this moment, my podge is here and it’s welcome but it's going... Oh god I'm in a twilight zone of contradicting myself


















