#rashing

[susogutmakulesi]

[theartistasian]

[They] do it because they can, not because they should or need to.

When I noticed why there were more parking meters than trash cans at UMass Amherst & my mom asked me to explain this observation.

Also, my friend sitting in the car also commented that my sentence basically applies to every problem that has arisen in the world.

[snoggingislove]

kelan ba maiintindihan ng mga lalaki na sobrang importante para sa ating mga babae ang goodmorning at goodnight text? ugh. :(

[snoggingislove]

Someday.

I know I'm holding onto you because I can't have you anymore. I keep on seeing you with that girl and she's pretty. And you are happy. I felt helpless and it hurt me. That's when I started to hurt myself. I'm not sure if it made me feel any better. But it made me feel at all. And that's not just a cliche. I saw your eyes and when they crossed mine that night. I was sure that you felt something. That way you looked away so quickly when your girl appeared. It made me happy and empty at the same time. Now that I can't have you anymore I remember all our words and conversations. All that feelings that I destroyed so carefully because I just didn't want you. I needed you. Maybe I needed that good feeling you gave me by taking me just the way I was. I never gave back anything. Now I want to. So much time has passed but I feel that I desperately want you to know that you meant something. Sometimes I feel so stupid because I keep on struggling with that little story. But it makes me cry so hard some nights, that it tells me that I've lost someone special. I've lost you. I'm happy for you now, I want you to be happy. I'm sure that she makes you feel special and that you make her feel special. And someday I will find someone that makes me feel special again, too. Just the way you did. Thank you.

[snoggingislove]

Always.

Always. I thought I would get closure. In the beginning of the evening I didn't feel anything. I asked myself if I still felt attracted to you. I thought I didn't.

I decided that the business finally was finished. But then.. I don't know. The way I can talk, joke around and laugh with you. It's such a relief. I just stop thinking. It's funny. All I've done these past weeks has been leading up to this night. Thinking about it a lot. Then you offer me the sit next to you and ask me where I've been and how my life is. And there we go. The thinking stops. I'm just in the moment. Not a care in the world for anything else. Making me laugh, teasing me, exchanging experiences...

But that's what friends do, right? I can handle that, I think. Be friends. Good, business finished. Now I know. Or is it? Do I? Those small extra things confuses me so. Do you do those in front of every other girl? You already have someone else. You don't need to do those things you do. Trying to impress me. If you know we're friends, why go that extra mile? I remember almost every time you've tried to impress me. And I also remember I've acted unimpressed most of the time.

I try to believe I leave your mind at the same time you step out of that door. But you cling onto mine. Making me sit here without the complete closure I need.  Will I always wait for the next time I get to see you? Will we always have this unfinished business? I hope not. Because my heart can't take it much longer. I don't always want to wonder what could have been. I don't care how it ends. Just make it stop.

[snoggingislove]

I need to go and you need to get your shit together.

You are enjoying your life now, which on the surface kills me because I want you to regret your decision. But, deep within my core, I am glad for you. I don’t like either of these feelings. I do not want someone who deeply hurt me to have my happiness, and I especially do not want them to have my anger. I wish I merely did not care, for indifference is stronger than hatred. Anyone who is trying to figure out how to behave around a former love will most likely understand what I mean by that, that indifference is stronger. I am no longer in love with you, yet you still have my heart. I am trying to get it back, and it’s so frustrating because you don’t even want it. Maybe what’s keeping it with you is that fact that you have a power that no other will ever possess: you were my first love.  But you will not be my last. I refuse to be forever broken. I strive to love like I’ve never been hurt, and I vow to let go of what hurts in order to make room for what feels good. I’m so sad that such a fun, simple, beautiful relationship has ended completely with no remains of a friendship whatsoever, but I must let go. It will take time, and I am prepared for that. But I must admit, I cannot wait for the day when I wake up and am able to say that I did not think of you once the day before. It is in that moment when I will consider myself healed.

[snoggingislove]

So Many Treasures.

I miss the fairy tale we built, the castle we built together. It kills me that we can't keep adding new chapters to our story because time has driven us to separate places. It kills me that I am beginning to forget the little details. It kills me that I cannot replace you. We made people sick with our quick love. You are a virus that I don't want to be cured of. You told me I was your queen. And you are my king.

[snoggingislove]

We've Lost It.

I hate that feeling of being alone. The one where you realize that the person you could share you deepest and most darkest thoughts, is further away than you could ever have possibly imagined. The feeling that you both have somehow managed to grow apart, and that feeling of loss. The feeling of knowing that deep down there is no longer anything for you with them, you've gotten everything you could from your relationship together. The feeling of missing them, even though they're right there, right next to them. That sparkle you once felt, now replaced with that of a heart wrenchingly, blank, nothing. Although visibly close, you're now so very separate, you've changed. I loved for you, but all along, my heart knew this was it. Nothing else could come of it. Who are you. We've lost it. You've lost me. You've lost it.