#rask8

[novapark]

“Want me to talk to her?” I whispered into her ear, “Tell her how much I love and need you? You think that would help?” 

Sunshine let out a good scoff at all that.

“You will keep that pretty mouth shut..” She mumbled back quietly, “Oh yeah, umm.. He came over to check on me and kind of got stuck here.”

“Well what was he thinking going out into a snow storm?! And with a baby?!” I could almost imagine the face of my own mother saying that shit as she spoke. The tone was just all too familiar. “Of course he got stuck. Seems awfully convenient! I do hope you’re being careful with that man.”

“I’m just fine, I assure you… anyway I really should get going. I have guests and all! Merry Christmas Mom! Give dad a hug for me!”

[novapark]

“Sancha! We’re not done talking about this!” Her mom protested but it didn’t matter. Sunny quickly clicked off the call and set her phone to silent. 

“Seems like they don’t trust me with you.” I said pulling in close to her again. 

“Yeah well.. I don’t care.” Sunny shrugged as we nuzzled each other.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Ollie.”

“So what else should we do today?” I asked wrapping my arms around her again.

“Didn’t you have a gift for Lolly?” 

“Oh yeah, she probably would like that huh?” I laughed thinking of the little guitar I had hidden away for her in my truck. Seemed a good choice for our first Christmas together given how obsessed she’d become with mine. 

[novapark]

“I really want you, can we- I mean..” I breathlessly asked unsure if she’d be ready, especially given what she had shared with me earlier that night. I would wait as long as she wanted. 

“Yes!” She replied with more excitement than I expected as she hugged my shoulders tightly, “Yes please.. but you’ll have to go easy on me. It has been a long time.” 

“Of course, let’s go back into the living room. it’ll be more comfortable in there.” I suggested while picking her up off the counter. 

The time felt right, and I was grateful in that moment that my daughter was a heavily sleeper once she was out. Hopefully that meant the night would be ours to explore. 

[novapark]

“Hey! You’re a little early!” Sancha greeted us as I pulled Lolly out of the car, “I don’t quite have dinner ready yet.” 

“I know, I’m sorry, this little rabbit here was a eager to see her friend Tuwee again.” I replied as my daughter giggled with delight. 

She had been asking me all morning when it would be time to go over. That dog was definitely her favorite thing about coming to visit me. 

“You sure it wasn’t you who couldn’t wait Mr. ‘I saw you this morning but miss you just so much?” Sunny teased. 

“Damn you’re really calling my shit Sunshine.” I blushed nervously.

It’s not like Oleander had to push me too hard to come over once we were both ready. Hell if she wasn’t with me I probably would have stayed the night here. 

“Just keeping you honest Olin Rask.” 

[novapark]

My day out with Lolly had gone by faster than I had expected with my mind caught up in the what ifs and what was of my and Sunny’s Christmas. The shit with her parents was one thing but I had more hanging over me. 

I had plans, big plans. 

My gift to her probably would seem like a joke to another person. A mild note of sentimentality easily dismissed as an excuse to be cheap. It meant more to me though and somehow I knew it would to her. If not then I would know if I should follow through with the other part of things or if maybe we’d need more time. In my soul though I knew I didn’t want to wait. I wanted her to be only mine and I hoped what I had in store for Christmas Eve would show it.  

Phone transcript: 

Sunny: “So are you all ready for Christmas?” 

Olin: “Just finished up my wrapping. Thought it was going to be a hassle with the kid but she’s passed out.” 

Sunny: “Was she worn out from the day of play?” 

Olin: “Yeah didn’t even make it to the car.”

Sunny: “That is so cute.” 

Olin: “Wish you could have been there. We had a great day.” 

Sunny: “It’s good for you to have alone time with her though and you’ll see me tomorrow.” 

Olin: “True, I guess I’m just missing you. Feels like I’ve hardly seen you this week.”

Sunny: “You saw me this morning silly.” 

Olin: “I know but it never seems long enough.”

[novapark]

Arman’s words were ringing in my ears as I woke up in the dead of night to head on down south to get Oleander.

“She loves you and that’s that.” He had said. I hoped he was right because I was already having dreams of a future with her and that would be a bit intense if she didn’t. 

Still my anxiety did what it did best and made me second guess every idea I had to express how I felt to her. It’s possible I was letting past experience cloud my judgement. Nika was the last woman I let myself open up to that freely and she had crushed my desires for exclusivity with a level of such vitriol that it turned me off on the idea for a good few years. 

Despite that I knew Sunny was different from Inika. She had her own dreams and I was just hoping some of them included me. The long drive down to DSV gave me plenty of time to ponder on these things but soon I’d have to put my thoughts on hold. I needed to put my best dad hat on. This was my time with my Lolly and I wasn’t going to let myself get too distracted from that.

[novapark]

“Listen if you’re not ready to be with me I -” Sancha began before I could start to explain. It was very clear that dragging my feet on making things official had probably left her feeling anxious about what we were. 

It wasn’t her fault that happened though. As far as I could see she was perfect for me but sometimes I wasn’t sure if I deserved to have her. 

“Sunny, sweetheart, I want nothing more than to be with you” I reassured her firmly, “but I also need you to know that I have some problems that others have found difficult to deal with.” 

“Oh.. okay then what is it?” 

“I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m mostly okay these days but sometimes my moods get the best of me.” I admitted. The weight of my failings rested hard on my chest as I spoke,  “Like that night you found me walking a few weeks ago? I had slipped up. It had been almost a year and I ruined it.”

[novapark]

“Well I think we’re all sorted out,” I said as we walked back into the main room of the house, “Might have to pick up some warmer clothes for her tomorrow but this will do for now.” 

Life in DSV didn’t require much in the way of winter wear so I wasn’t surprised to see her selection of proper clothes was limited.

“Okay..” Inika replied with hesitation, “But I really think you should reconsider my offer to stay the night. It’s a long drive and -” 

“And I told you I’d get a hotel.” I countered feeling annoyed at her insistence, “I have plans and I want to make some progress home tonight.”

“I’m just saying, you could save some money and Lollies could sleep in her own bed.”  “I said no.” I replied firmly. 

Yes it was a long drive but even if I was dead tired there was no way in hell I would stay the night in her house. I’m not sure I’d ever be comfortable with that all things considered. I didn’t trust her and I wasn’t sure I ever would again. I was here for Oleander, and that was all.