I'm going to break the letter he wrote into paragraphs and then I'm going to rewrite each sentence based on what i think he's trying to imply. I'm going to do another post alike this, but it's an analysis of what he has written and why he has written it.
Rebecca
(1) I understand why you are avoiding me. (2) I would too. (3) Ever since this found me, I have had to push everyone and everything important to me away. (4) I know you know that feeling more than anyone else. (5) There has never been another soul I've shared this with that has survived, and everyday I am unsure of what I should be doing, if what I'm showing you is right or wrong. (6) I want to guide you. (7) I want to be there for you because I've been here, alone, for so long and I know how much it hurts. (8) It's been a very long time since I stopped to think about what this does to someone. (9) I try not to. (10) It's too painful.
-
(1) - You hate me. I get it. I know what I did was wrong.
(2) - If I were you I would just get up and walk away, from me, from this situation, from everything.
(3) - Since these demons started hurting me and the people that surround me, I have learned that being alone is the better option, but also the loneliest choice. But after you I cant- no couldn't keep you away. You occupied my every waking thought, I could not part from you but I fear that has led you to this life with me.
(4) - Even without the demons, I know that you have experienced this before, we share life experiences, and the things you have witnessed and will witness are no different than what we have dealt with before.
(5) - You survived, there is no one else who did, no one else who fought like you did to stay, to live. I don't know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t.
(She survived. She was the only one who did. He opened his heart again and again. They died over and over again. But not this time. He feels guilty in sharing his feelings not knowing whether Rebecca will live or not.)
(6) + (7) - I want to be there for you, there is nothing I can do here without you. I need you. I can't do this alone anymore, your presence is like balm to my soul, I don't wish for you to hurt anymore than you already have. Because I don't know if I can help you the way you do for me.
(8) - Seeing you go through is making me relive the decisions I made when I first started and I don't want to imagine you going through everything I had as well. I was rather stupid when I was younger. I am like this now because of the things I have done and you have me now, no need to do these things alone now.
(9) + (10) - The things that I have done are not the best either. Remembering these things hurts. Because I'm scared it will happen to you.
-
(1) Living this way is insidious Rebecca. (2) There's no escaping it. (3) This life is a destructive one. (4) I have done horrible things that will follow me forever. (5) I am so sorry that it found you too. (6) but there are two of us now. (7) You don't have to be alone. (8) We don't have to be alone. (9) Don't be like me, Rebecca. (10) We deal with enough demons. (11) Don't create new ones to let in.
-
(1) - This is the worst way of living. It takes and takes and takes. It never gets better.
(2) - There is no backing out once she's in. Not that she joined willingly, but that is the point he is trying to make. Whether you are willing or unwilling it will rake you in and never let you go.
(3) - He has lived this life. He has lived this life over and over again for many years. It destroyed him inside and out. Building himself up from ruin was the only thing he could do. He doesn't want to see her fall and not be able to build herself up to him, so he makes sure that she falls straight into his arms. He won't allow her to be alone.
(4) - He admits his regret. If he regrets that also means that he didn't want to do it. This also means he had no choice but to do it. This had to happen. There was no way around it all. Will it follow him around his entire life? Just like the demons?
(Extra) - Does this show a bigger understanding of the game? That many people experience horrors in their life and eventually they will come together, by one circumstance of another and because of this, they can help one another? Just like Raymond and Rebecca?
(5) - There is no more guilt you can feel when pain you are experiencing is being inflicted on one you love. This is what he is going through and he feels guilty because this has happened before and he can’t help but feel that she might die eventually, simply because everyone else did.
(6) - You have me. And I won't leave you, and if you want we can be together in this as well.
(7) - This is your choice, either suffer like me or we can experience something new with me. Misery loves company after all.
(8) - I need someone too, and that someone might be you.
(9) - Don't push everyone away, you might think you are alone but I will always be there for you. No matter what, no matter when.
(10) - He is not just talking about the ones that haunt the mortuary. But the ones that creep from your past, the ones that will never let you go. Even when you forget them, they dig their nails in your mind, having some adverse effect on you.
(11) - Suffering without one another’s presence, is a demon. A crave you cannot escape, an itch so deep not even splitting your last atom would satisfy it.
-
(1) There are still so many secrets between us and I am so sorry that it has to be that way. (2) I know you won't understand and I know it means you can never trust me. (3) The truth is, I'm a lonely old man and I'm afraid of making the wrong choice.
-
(1) - There are many things I want to tell you but I'm not sure how to. I’m scared you’ll stop talking to me. I’m scared you will leave me like the rest did. So I won’t tell you.
(2) - I know you, I know that you won’t pick your side until you have heard everything, and I don't want to put you through that. Which means you will have your reservations against me, until I do.
(3) - I might die doing this, and I don't want to leave you alone, and if anything I don't want to ruin your life because you have so much of it left.
-
(1) This life is alienating. (2) It makes you do things you never believed you were capable of and I want to shield you from that. (3) I don't want you to suffer the same fate. (4) Please know that the things I keep inside are for your protection. (5) I would love nothing more than to share them with you, but you have already suffered so much, and I know how much more suffering there can be. (6) I have to be distant, but I won't leave you.
Raymond
-
(1) - I am alone, people left me. A fate worse than death, a life without them. But now I push people away before they can even get close because I don’t want that to happen again but now? You are with me. I don't want to leave you and I don't want you to leave me either.
(2) - You have to do so many things that you will never be proud of, things you can not tell the people closest to you. You will find yourself disgusted, with lies that build up when the people closest to you ask “how are you?” and you have to answer “I’m fine” when you really want to curl up into a ball and hug them. And I want to be that person for you, I want you to lean on me, tell me when you can’t take care of yourself so I can.
(3) - I’ll say this again, and I'll say it again and again until you understand, but don't be like me, my darling dove. I was trapped in this fate alone, you have me. Depend on me, I will not fail you once more. I have suffered enough, I will never wish that on anyone much less you.
(4) - I don't want you angry I don't want you sad, seeing you like that would hurt me, and I fear we've been in enough pain already. Keeping things away from you will allow you to deal with everything that has been dealt to you already, baby. I’m sorry that I am hiding things from you but I do not regret it.
(5) - I want to tell you, I want to tell so so fucking bad, but I cant. Not when the thing between us is so fragile. I want to tell you but I don't want you to break. I just want you
(6) - I won't come near you if you don't want me to. But whether you like it or not, I'm going to be there for you. At the end of the day Rebecca, I trust you and respect you. And more than anything I care for you.
-
Here are some more of my posts for this fandom:
The Mortuary Assistant
I'm a Monster 'becca
A few concepts I like about the mortuary assistant
I love Raybecca’s relationship
Jealousy? (You don't need to be.) pt.1
Jealousy? (You don't need to be.) pt.2
Rebecca art (attempt 1)
Which one do you like better?
Hidden truths (lies)
Its getting a movie?
Shame (I can’t feel it when I’m around you)
Shame (I can’t feel it when i’m with you) pt.2
Becca thirsting
Somethings in The Mortuary Assistant
I Need You (to know)
Influenced by a demon
And here is the master list of all my posts & Fandoms:
I know there's only like... two other active people on here who ship Raymond and Rebecca, but ya'll have my heart. Like the fandom is dead as fuck but that kinda tracks for The MORTUARY Assistant. We are the cadavers crawling on the walls asking them to kiss.
He walks in front of her and rips a slight bit of his shirt off, Valarie flinches away. Raymond grabs the demon by its throat and slams it into the ground and subsequently vanishes her. He turns back towards her and helps her up.
“How did you get here?” He asks really confused.
“I found the key. I thought I could help you with Valerie. I'm sorry Raymond. I didn't mean to let her out.”
“It's fine. I just- there is no one else to collect the reagent from. We don't have any-”
He stopped mid sentence.
“What? What happened? Do we have someone else?”
“We do... But before I tell you about it. There is something you need to know about me.”
Rebecca nodded and sat on one of the desks in the basement, and Raymond leaned on the same desk next to her.
“The reason why I became involved in all this demon shit in this place is because of my mom.”
“What is your mom?”
“When I was younger. My mom was abusive. My dad had left as she used to drink and smoke, he began to leave me in the same house as her, but he had no other choice. After he left, she turned her abuse on me. She blamed me for my dad leaving. After a few years she changed. For the worst, she used to beat me and yell about how my dad left. Because that's all that ever mattered, my dad left her because of me, but after it was different she started insulting me for me, bringing up my insecurities. Things I had never told her about, tormented me day and night.” His eyes glaze over, reminiscing horrible memories.
She places her hand on his shoulder and the other on his face and makes him look at her, “after that?”
“The reason why she did all that was because she was possessed. She was too caught up in her own demise to realize the demons that she saw weren't just hallucinations.”
“Over time the demon fed on her misery, her soul, and eventually took over her”
“She had never really been a mother. But she died the moment that demon possessed her. The demon that took over her body was really powerful. I trapped it in amateur seals over and over again until I either made a stronger one or found a stronger one. (Until I learn about something that could keep her away longer, if not forever.)
I still keep it around, because it can't die, the body stays alive. And since it's more powerful the reagents that I make use her flesh instead of blood. By now the body and the demon have fused together. The more powerful the demon the faster the possession will take hold, and quicker the body would fuse. And the weaker the demon is the longer it will take.”
A small silence fell over the room.
“Ray…?”
“Hmm?”
“What do you mean by keeping it around?” He slowly moves her hands off his face and puts them in her lap as he pushes off the desk he was leaning against. And he goes to the other side of the room and starts moving things around.
“Listen to me, Becca. It will say nasty things to get into your mind. The only thing you believe is its appearance and my words okay? Everything it says is poison, remember that ‘becca”
She looks nervous staring at him wide eyed and he takes a false wall off. “Okay..” behind the false wall reveals a rather tall arch carved into the stone and dirt. Raymond walks into the cave entrance and starts brandishing a knife, Rebecca slides off the desk and walks into the cave, she doesn't know what to expect. She gasps as she sets eyes on the rotting figure tied to the wall.
“Oh, you brought your girlfriend to show dear old mommy, have you?”
Raymond ignores her and takes off his half ripped shirt. He leans against the table.
“This was my mother.” he nodded towards the demon “but now its name is-” he lights a cigarette.
“You wounded me dear boy. I still am your mother.”
Rebecca ignores it and watches Raymond.
“How do you deal with it?”
“Deal with what?”
“A demon wearing your mother's face”
“Oh” he actually looks at the rotting figure’ face “I guess I got used to it. My mother wasn’t a saint, but she changed from the worst. The “good part” of her original behavior just disappeared. It didn't change my view on her for the better, just hated her more.” He takes a drag of cigarette Rebecca looks at the demon.
“Can I look closer?”
“Yea just don't touch it”
She walked closer and stared blankly. Stares at her decaying face. Her bright yellow eyes burrowing through her.
“You get your features from your father I’m guessing” she says to Raymond still looking at the plague living in the cave. “I’m seeing no resemblance of her dead body to you, Ray. You must have been a cute baby.” She turned around smiling at him. Raymond stared at her. Of all things he wasn’t expecting that. Expecting her to break all his insecurities with just a few words.
Growing up, all he used to hear was how he resembled his mother and now Rebecca saying this eased his soul. Every time he looked in the mirror he would see his mom. Now maybe he can see someone else instead.
He hated looking at her for that reason. The only reason he doesn’t mess with its face anymore is because... Just sometimes he wants to look and wonder what could have been. What if she was a good mother? What if she was happy? Would they have been happy? Would he have ever found out about demons?
Would he have ever met Rebecca? His little bird?
He pushed the thought out of his mind.
“I suppose so.” Thank you Rebecca.
“You are so in love with the girl, Raymond. How interesting...”
Rebecca glances at it and looks back at him and she awkwardly smiles. Before she started asking questions about the reagents behind him. Everything she does makes me fall harder in love with her. She leans over the table and chirps away about her theories and how they work and how we can make them better.
He is so in love with his pretty bird who chirps away in his ear. He presses his chest against her back and rests a chin on her shoulder and a hand on her waist and the other on the desk and talks more about the reagents.
They were talking and too caught up in their own world to pay attention to anything else.
Their eyes follow one another. Tension was high in the itty-bitty cave.
-
Here are some more of my posts for this fandom:
The Mortuary Assistant
I'm a Monster 'becca
A few concepts I like about the mortuary assistant
I love Raybecca’s relationship
Jealousy? (You don't need to be.) pt.1
Jealousy? (You don't need to be.) pt.2
Rebecca art (attempt 1)
Which one do you like better?
Hidden truths (lies)
Its getting a movie?
Shame (I can’t feel it when I’m around you)
Shame (I can’t feel it when i’m with you) pt.2
Becca thirsting
Somethings in The Mortuary Assistant
Influenced by a demon
Raymond's Letter (Rewrite)
And here is the master list of all my posts & Fandoms:
