#raynas journal

[the-last-centurion]

This quarter has been the best 3 months of my life.

It started before school even began. I got flown back home by Amazon where I had my internship, and had a fun time with my family. I then got flown back to Seattle by Microsoft for an interview I totally did not expect to land; I was even treating it like a mock interview for practice. I got put up in a fancy-ass hotel for 2 nights, which worked out perfectly because I wasn’t even moved into my new house yet. I went out to some nice (and expen$ive) meals on Microsoft’s dime, made some new friends, then went back to start band. 

In summary, I have flown between the bay area and Seattle EIGHT TIMES this quarter without paying for a single flight (and many meals). 

Home from Amazon

Back to Seattle for Microsoft (nice-ass hotel and meal with friends)

Home for Facebook (with a nice hotel and fancy-ass dinner in Atherton with Mom)

Back from Facebook 

Home for Google (with a fancy-ass hotel apartment and dinner at Town with Dad)

Back from Google

Home for Pac-12 Championship (charter flight)

Back from Pac-12 Championship (charter flight)

I also got to go to Atlanta with the band and we’re going to the Rose Bowl for New Year’s!!!!

Aside from all the free travelling I’ve got to do, I also had a wonderful quarter in Seattle. Somehow my classes were all super easy this quarter so I never had work to do. I only had 4 assignments total for Data Viz, each taking between an hour and a day, so I’ve only worked on that class for like 20 hours total all quarter. Security was also super easy, and I did all the labs with my friend so it really didn’t feel like work at all. Swearing was just a silly fun class that I also had with a friend. It was super nice because I had friends in all of my lectures so it never felt like I was actually in class. 

Then after classes I would have lunch with friends every day (between 3-4 of us each day), so I was constantly hanging with people. My schedule was Data Viz with one friend, Security with another, that friend and I would meet up with our 2 other friends and go out to eat, then two of us would branch off and go to Swearing. Often after that we’d go meet up with our other friend and hang out until band, and of course band is pretty much just hanging with 240 of my best friends for a few hours. There were so many social functions during the quarter, so I had something to do and people to see pretty much every day. Also all of my assignments were also done with friends so I really felt like I never had anything to do.

Another aspect of this perfect quarter: band. My mom and cousin came to see me perform in October, and my dad and sister came to my senior game in November. I lucked out and this quarter we went to the Chick-Fil-A Kickoff Game in Atlanta for 3 nights, where we got hours and hours of free time which never happens on a band trip. It was pretty much a bowl game but only the best people in the band got to go. Then it was also an away trip for the Apple Cup, and one of our busses flipped over, which is terrible. BUT SOMEHOW EVERYONE IS ALIVE WTF WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT EVERYONE SURVIVES A BUS ROLLING 270 DEGREES ON THE FREEWAY WITH NOBODY WEARING SEAT BELTS. This happened on Thanksgiving and people literally left their meals to bring my band some of their Thanksgiving dinners, and it seriously returned my faith in humanity. Everyone was so kind, and my band handled it so well and we all got soooo much closer because of it. We truly are a band family, and this event really put things in perspective. I am so thankful for everything and everyone. 

We all thought we were gonna lose the Apple Cup, but that night the team won the game FOR US and sent us back to the Pac-12 Championship. I can’t even describe how amazing it was being in the hotel, having just performed our halftime show BY SINGING IT IN THE LOBBY because we couldn’t make it to the game, and then knowing we would get a chance to perform the show for real in Santa Clara. We were all so happy to be together, happy to be alive, and happy to get another weekend on the road with each other. My whole family and best friend all got to come to the championship game because it’s near where I grew up, and they got to also experience us winning the championship game and earning a spot in the ROSE BOWL. This is the absolute perfect end to my time in band and at UW. My rookie year we didn’t get to go to a bowl, and I remember feeling terrible for the seniors who had to end with that. Then my 2nd year we were so good we won the Pac-12 and then played Bama in the CFP in Atlanta, which was the coolest experience but I was still kinda sad we didn’t get to go to the Rose Bowl, since going to Pasadena is every band person’s dream. So ending my tenure in band performing at the Rose Bowl, the one football game that televises the bands’ performances, marching a 6 mile parade, for the first time in 17 years of my school’s history, is just the coolest thing I could possibly imagine. Everyone hypes up the Rose Bowl so much. We aren’t even allowed to say the name Rose Bowl to avoid jinxing it (except in Louie Louie where we sing it every time we play the tune), so it was wonderful to get to say “Rose Bowl” without fear for the first time with my family after we won. 

This quarter was also amazing because the third day of classes I got an offer for a full-time position with Microsoft, which was my first choice company and the only place I had interned at the time. This entire quarter I knew where I was going to be after graduation, and that took so much stress off of me. When I got that news I began having an existential crisis because I couldn’t believe how perfectly my life was working out. I feel like everything has just been handed to me. I’ve had some hardship, but it’s been pretty minor, and just enough to give me perspective and make me appreciate my life and everyone in it. 

My second existential crisis came in October. It felt like pretty much all of my friends were into each other and I was the only one who didn’t have someone who liked me, which really put a damper on my self-confidence. I was feeling shittier than I had in a really long time (I’m usually pretty chill with myself and my boy situation - or lack thereof), and it was really weird to feel that way. That weekend was the Colorado game. At that game I reconnected with a clarinet player who I had met at the Pac-12 Championship in 2016, then again when I went to Colorado on my away trip last year, and then we had run into each other on the streets in Vegas. UW was the one away trip they had that year, and I didn’t realize he was still in band because he had just graduated. Turns out he’s doing his masters at CU so he’s also doing a 5th year in band. We reconnected at the game and when our sections hung out after the game, and I ended up giving him (and his friend) a tour of UW and talking to him for a really long time after. He offered to make me 3D-printed W beads for candy, so we kept in touch initially with that. We started snapchatting, and eventually texting, and we have been having super long conversations since. When the bus flipped he even was about to call me to see if I was okay, but I texted him right as he was dialing. He was going to come visit me the weekend of the Pac-12 championship, but since we ended up going he couldn’t, so I agreed to fly to see him. I just so happened to have a week free in between the end of classes and my only final, so I booked a flight to Colorado for that weekend. We skyped and he said he likes me as more than a friend and I said I do too so now this is going to be our first date. I may be crazy flying 1000 miles to go on a first date, but I need to see him again before I go to Europe to figure out what’s happening between us. He also wants to take me flying (he has his pilot’s license) but we’ll see about that.  Everything has just been so crazily coincidental between us. From me first seeing him when I walked into my hotel room at Pac-12 and all of the clarinets were hanging in my living room, to us being the primary points of contact for the clarinets on my visit to CU, to literally running into each other on the streets in Vegas (and me being really sad thinking that I wasn’t going to see him again), to UW being the one away trip for CU this year and him actually doing his fifth year, to that game being at the perfect moment in time when I was the most vulnerable and most desperate to talk to a guy, to me having the perfect break with nothing to do in between classes and my final. Literally everything worked out so perfectly between us, I can’t even believe it. What are the odds. So yeah in 2 days I’m flying to Colorado and we’ll see how this goes. 

I guess I’ve been having one existential crisis a month, because I had my third in November after the bus crash, for obvious reasons. The universe works in crazy ways.

And now I’m on my fourth existential crisis as I piece all of these things together. My quarter worked out so crazy perfect I can’t believe it’s real. 

[the-last-centurion]

So I don’t forget (more than I already have...), here’s the story of my 21st birthday :)

Thursday night: 

Went to Flowers with Casey and Hannah. Hannah and I walked in the door exactly when the clock struck 12:00, it just worked out that way. Then my dad and I snapchatted each other and we finally got the pink hearts! Casey joined us, and I got pretty drunk off two strawberry hard lemonades. 

Friday day:

Went to brunch with Hannah at Oddfellows in Capitol Hill, it was super cute. We got mimosas, and it turns it was also the birthday at the lady at the table next to ours. The waitress brought out a really good cookie with a birthday candle on it for me :) Hannah and I then went to buy jeans at American Eagle in U Village, then went to QFC and bought some alcohol. There happened to be a free wine tasting in the liquor aisle, so we did that too. Every time I showed someone my ID they said happy birthday. Then we went home and relaxed, and played Crack Shack Chess (chess with quarters and paperclips on a piece of paper). 

Friday Night:

Hannah and I got ready and headed to Schultzy’s. Keet was waiting outside, so we walked in and got our reserved table in the back right corner of the restaurant, somewhere I had never been before despite eating at Schultzy’s countless times. Levi showed up next, then Jonathan, Hannah, Mason, Elizabeth, Mallory, Nick, Cerys, and Jordan. Jonathan gave me money to buy myself a mystery shot, and I also got my self a rosemary hard lemonade. The shot was a really good apple flavor, so when Nick bought me another mystery shot I grabbed the same one. 

We left for Finn’s, and as soon as we walked in Jordan pushed me to the front and announced that it’s my birthday. They escorted me to the bar and sat me down. The bartender checked my ID, then got a glass and filled it up with a bunch of stuff. I had no idea what was happening but I just went with it. The bartender announced the rules: no touching the glass, only use the straw, finish it in 5 seconds and it’s free, otherwise I have to pay. I SUCK at fast drinking, but somehow it was no problem for me to finish it way before 5 seconds were up. There’s a video somewhere (Mallory has it?) of me drinking it (called the Mind Eraser). Jordan was sitting next to me at the bar, and she ordered my next drink before I even finished the Mind Eraser, so immediately after another drink was put in front of me. It was called a Starburst and it was really good. We all headed to the back and played some pool. I tried like 4 shots total and all of them sucked, but somehow there was one that I missed the intended pocket but it bounced a couple times and ended up going in, it was amazing. Mallory bought 3 jello shots, so she, Keet and I took them (there’s a video). They were actually really good. I made everyone take a group picture by the pool table, and by this point I was pretty drunk. I sat at the table and was talking to different groups of people: first Cerys and Jordan, then Mallory and Keet, then Hannah and Levi. 

Then we walked to Earl’s. On the walk over I took two hits off a blunt. The first one was pretty bad apparently, so I took another and tried harder so it was pretty big. By the time we made it to Earl’s I was so gone. I don’t even remember showing them my ID or walking in. I went straight to get a glass of water, then just sat down at the table. I was moving my stool back and forth and couldn’t really feel my body. When Mallory finished ordering she came up to me and asked me how I was feeling and I said “I don’t know if I’m real!” I asked Scott how long it had been since I took the hit, and he said 2 minutes, to which I responded “It feels like it’s been 2 hours!” From here on out everything was just flashes. I remember seeing Levi and Hannah M looking at each other and then looking at me across the table. Then I remember seeing a blowjob shot (brown shot with whipped cream on top) sitting on the table in front of me. Apparently they got me another apple shot too but I don’t remember this one at all. I remember hearing people talking about getting me food, so Hannah got me a grilled cheese, but I only remember hearing this, not seeing it. Hannah asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom and I said “bucket.” She said there’s no bucket and I need to go to the bathroom, but I kept insisting “bucket.” We eventually made it to the bathroom (I have no recollection of the walk), and apparently some nice girls were talking to us and gave me a hair tie, but I also don’t remember that. I sat with my head in the toilet for what felt like forever (was probably about 30 minutes), and I really wanted to just go to sleep there. Hannah handed me a cold glass of water and that brought me back to reality for a second, it grounded me and reminded me where I was and what was happening. Mallory and Hannah stayed with me the whole time, and asked if I wanted to go to bed, and I really just wanted to sleep in the toilet. Somehow they got me up and walked me out to an Uber. I don’t remember the walk, but I remember getting in on the left side, and we drove for a second before Keet remembered that he left his tab open so he jumped out, leaving me, Hannah, and Mallory. We were almost home when the Uber driver took a left instead of a right, so they had to correct him, and I remember hearing their conversation and the driver’s accent. Somehow they got me inside, and I just sat on the couch with my head in a bucket. Keet and Levi showed up, but Levi left pretty soon after so I don’t even remember him being there. I just remember hearing Keet’s voice by my head and Mallory’s voice by my feet (I guess I was laying down on the couch). At some point the drugged feeling started wearing off, so I lifted my head up and tried to join in the conversation. Apparently it was really funny cuz I was dead one minute and up and talking the next. I had really wanted to go to Capitol Hill at some point in the night, so Keet asked drunk me “Did you have fun at Capitol Hill?” And I wasn’t fooled so I said “fuck you Keet.” I died before we even made it to Earl’s, let alone Capitol Hill. Eventually Mallory went and slept on the floor, Hannah slept on one couch, and Keet and I slept on opposite ends of the other couch. I woke up at 8am and was still drunk. 

Couldn’t have asked for a better 21 run (although I do wish I survived a little bit longer). Can’t wait to enjoy being 21 with these friends :)

[the-last-centurion]

So I’ve been kinda seeing this guy from home who’s already super hot and today he told me that he’s trying to work out a lot more and eat better. He’s the type of guy that when he puts his mind to something he does it, so I know this is no joke. And apparently people have already noticed a difference and they said he’s gotten buffer, so now I’m just like jesus man you’re already ridiculously attractive, I can’t even imagine what he’ll be like next time I see him in a couple months but damn.

Edit: I just went back and reread all my posts from this summer (wow I can’t believe it’s been six months), and yes this is the same guy I dated at the end of the summer. It’s funny seeing a post from a couple months ago of me being unsure about how our relationship would progress. Now, 4 months later, we still talk pretty much every day, he stayed at my house for a weekend when I came home in November, and over winter break we met halfway at Six Flags and got a hotel room for a night which was like a super fun mini-vacation. I’m kinda starting to get nervous about summer, because either I’m not working at camp but I’ll be home and we’ll have to define our relationship a little more since we’d actually be able to see each other whenever we wanted, or we both work at camp together and have to manage to not be awkward around each other (whether we’re together or not). Eh, we’ll see how things play out. Future me reading this, I know you’re laughing to yourself right now, thinking “little does she know...” I see you, future me :)

[the-last-centurion]

Honestly not worth your time reading, just talking to myself here.

I realized I haven’t posted the conclusion of my magical date week, nor have I updated about what happened after I left for school. So imma give a run-down of that week and now.  One more reminder that these posts are purely for me to look back on; I don’t mind others reading but know that I’m tailoring this post (and all posts in this tag) for future me. Also this week was perfect so I’m writing down as many details as I can remember.

Last time I posted I had just gone on my first date to the zoo on Monday. The next morning I drove him to work cuz it was on my way to my friend’s house and his car was in the shop. On the way there, he grabbed my hand, kissed it, and out of the blue said “Last night I had my first dream in years.” I died.

The next day we went to Filoli Gardens, then got lunch by that bookstore in Palo Alto, and went back to my house to watch more movies. We watched one all the way through, then tried to watch Anastasia, but started making out and put the movie on an indefinite hold while we meandered into my bedroom. He was generous to me, but before I could return the favor we heard the door open so we quickly made ourselves decent. I walked out of my room, but right as I opened my door I heard the front door shut and lock.... sorry Dad. Then I realized I was late for babysitting so I rushed him home and ran over to pick up the kid. We never finished Anastasia. 

I didn’t see him Thursday, and Friday we went to Pier 39, got lunch at a pizza place overlooking the water, went in an infinity mirror maze, and I took him to Mitchell’s Ice Cream on the way home. That day was when we started realizing that we seemed to have a lot of luck when we were together. There was never any traffic, and on the way to Mitchell’s I was like “There is never any parking here, we’ll probably have to drive around for 30 mins looking for a spot.” Lo and behold there was a spot open literally right in front of the store. “There’s always a huge line for ice cream, we have to take a number,” I said. But alas there were only like 5 people ahead of us, so the wait was very short (and we sat on a bench and kinda like publically-oriented cuddled while we waited). Then, we got our ice cream and were waiting to pay but nobody every helped us, until a guy comes up to us and says “I think they had me pay for yours too, enjoy!” We tried to pay him back but he just said have a wonderful day and left. We ended up joking that all this luck was due to the necklace he was wearing, and he wore it every day after that. On the car ride home we talked about our romantic histories and got everything out in the open, which was really nice. Then we watched Lilo and Stitch (he kept doing his really good Stitch impersonation), and then Prince of Egypt. Between movies we walked down to the Chinese place near my house and got takeout, and made rice at home cuz we forgot rice. It was so nice just cuddling up with him and watching movies :)

Saturday it was 5 billion degrees outside, so he came over later in the day and he taught me how to play Civ. We were going to go to a drive-in movie (hence the late start to the day), but we decided it was too hot so we went to the old Stanford Theater instead and saw Casablanca. Before that we got dinner at Asian Box, and then gelato at my favorite gelato place in Palo Alto. After the movie we went back to my dad’s house and played more Civ until late in my bunk bed, and that turned into doing other things quietly so as to not wake my dad in the other room (lol). 

Sunday I got lunch with my dad first, and then picked up Koren for the drive-in movie. We stopped by my dad’s to pick up lawn chairs, then got take-out Korean BBQ in RWC before going to Safeway for snacks and finally driving down. We were running a bit late, but, keeping with our good luck, there was no traffic on the way, very little line going in, and it happened to be free movie day so the double-feature was completely free. Also, the night before that we were originally going to go to had kinda shitty movies, but this night happened to be a double-feature of Spider-Man Homecoming and Guardians of the Galaxy 2. We found a fantastic spot, ate our dinner in the car, and put our lawn chairs out for the movie. Again our luck held as we happened to park right in front of a car with loud external speakers, so they played the audio for us to hear so we didn’t have to use my car’s stereo. During the movie we put our lawn chairs next to each other and held hands. After the first movie, we packed up the chairs and moved my seats forward so we could sit in the back seat together. We kissed a bit and I ended up cuddling with him the whole movie, sometimes just laying on his lap and we would stare at each other instead of watching the movie. It was really nice, but a little sad knowing that the next day was our last. 

Monday I picked him up around 10:30 (the usual time for us), and this time we went to my dad’s house for a little bit, and then went to my mom’s. We played Civ for a bit, and then went into my sister’s room and slightly attempted to have sex but neither of us knew what we were doing so we ended up not. We chose that time to talk about the future, and decided to keep talking but not be official cuz long-distance. We went back out into the living room and played Civ as we waited for my mom to come back from work at 5, but then it became 7 and she still wasn’t home so we stopped thinking she was coming home anytime soon. We cuddled for awhile on the couch first, then got handsy, and then I started giving him head but we were both still kinda unsure about when my mom was coming home, and of course then we hear the door unlock so we quickly cover up, he throws my bra under a pillow, and my mom comes in probably knowing she walked in on something but with no evidence so that’s something at least haha. She needed help getting a big thing of dog food out of the car, so he went and helped her while I ran into the bathroom and put my bra back on, hoping she didn’t notice. Then we all had dinner together pretending like nothing happened hahaha. After dinner we went to my dad’s for me to pack for leaving the next day, and I drove him home. To procrastinate leaving, we drove around looking for an open McDonald’s for ice cream, and the only one we found had a ton of police out front so we ended up getting a milkshake somewhere else. We sat and ate and talked in a Target parking lot, then I finally drove him home. As we were saying goodbye, he said he has something for me and he’ll be right back and that he’s leaving his back as insurance. He came back, said some nice stuff to me, and grabbed my hand and put something inside of it. I opened my hand and it was the poop emoji I kept trying to steal when we first started flirting at camp. We kissed each other goodbye and I drove home crying (first time crying over a boy woo). 

Since then, we’ve been talking pretty much every day. We don’t have too exciting of text conversations, but we Skype every so often and play Civ against each other. It’s been getting to the point where I’m almost always the one to start the text conversations, but I’m trying to not look too much into that and just let whatever happens happen. I’m coming home for a football game at Stanford in November, and he said he’d try to visit that weekend. Idk, I know this is dumb cuz we’re so long-distance, didn’t really date for a decent amount of time, and even when I’m home he still lives 3 hours away, but hey I like talking to him so I’m just gonna keep it up. Plus having brief text conversations every day or two takes very little effort, and there’s nobody else I’d possibly date, so I don’t feel like I’m making any sacrifice. I know he likes me a lot (or at least he used to), but I’m still slightly insecure that now that we’re not with each other all the time he’s getting bored of me. Granted the only reason I have this fear is cuz he usually doesn’t text first, but I also know he has this fear too even when I constantly reassure him I like talking to him, so I’m not too worried. And whenever we do Skype or whatever he seems to like talking to me. Idk, I’m trying to put as little pressure on this as possible and be happy wherever it goes. He always says he loves how “chill” me and my family are, since his family is so not, so I think he probably still overthinks everything. Oh well, live and let live. 

[the-last-centurion]

So I just went on the greatest date in existence and I’m so happy right now. I picked up him at 10:30am and we drove to the zoo. He already bought the tickets so we just walked inside, and saw the animals and stuff. I got hungry pretty early on (cuz I’m used to camp where we eat at 11), so we got lunch and I made him let me pay for us. It was supposed to be 80 degrees so I wore a tank top, but it ended up being 60 and overcast, so he kept having to hug me to make me warm. Eventually we ended up holding hands which was great :) He bought us tickets for the cute little train that runs through the zoo, so we sat really close on that and he almost fell out multiple times. 

After the zoo, we went to a Japanese place near my house and had some great conversation. Then we went back to my dad’s apartment, and he wasn’t there so we put on Rogue One and cuddled for all of that. He put his hand on my thigh and checked to make sure it didn’t make me uncomfortable, which was very considerate. Eventually my dad came home, and when he walked in I was laying with my head in his lap and his hand on my ass so..... sorry dad lol. He got up and introduced himself to my dad and it wasn’t awkward at all, I was so proud of both of them. Then my dad locked himself in his room while we finished Rogue One, talked for a bit, then put on Moana. Right as Lin-Manuel Miranda’s voice came on in that intro song we started kissing, and we cuddled for the entire movie. This movie’s cuddling was closer than the other one, with our arms full-on around each other rather than just leaning against each other. He also sometimes would kiss me on the forehead. He loves Maui (he even was him with a really well-made hook for Disney day at camp) so he kept singing the songs, and when Maui did his chest-pop thing he did that too, but I was laying on his chest so it felt really funny and we laughed. When the credits began we started making out more intensely than before (he was grabbing my ass - which first he checked to make sure it was okay - and we were really pressed up together and stuff), but it was still really gentle and loving. Such a nice change from the previous guys I’ve kissed. 

We talked about how he asked Loop and Stitch for advice about me, whether or not he should ask me out and all that, which I find adorable. He showed me one text Loop sent him and covered up the texts above it, saying I wasn’t allowed to see them, but I caught a glimpse of the word “kissing”. 

At a little past midnight I drove him home, and when I got to his house he kissed me again. As he was leaving, he peaked his head back inside the car and said “By the way, you’re better than you think.” 

And so goes the story of my first date ever.

[the-last-centurion]

Wow have things changed since the last time I posted....

I ended up hanging with the guy I was super into at the beginning of the summer a lot, and we’re now super good friends but I’m not really into him anymore. 

I started working overnights which led me to get super close to a bunch of my coworkers, and it turns out that at least 4 of them want to bang me. It started subtly, but as we became more comfortable with each other, it turned into a huge joke throughout my group, all of us joking about how sexy I am????

Also I learned that the guy I liked at first was confirmed to be flirting with me at training in May when we first met, and my other bff who is one of my favorite humans on the planet was super into me from the moment we first met. I’m not attracted to him at all, but I love him so much, so this was a huge compliment. I thought it would be awkward when he told me he likes me but it ended up not being weird at all, and we still talk a lot even now that camp is over. Also this made that time we drunkenly slept in the same bed a little different hahaha...

I got invited to go with a huge group of instructors to HP World in Orlando, but unfortunately I already had plans this weekend. But people kept coming up to me and telling me I should go, which made me really happy that they all like hanging with me so much :) 

Aaaand the last thing..... I have a date tomorrow??? A couple weeks ago I started kinda flirting with this guy who I initially wrote off as too cool for me so I never talked to him much in the beginning of the summer. He kept stealing my rolly chair, so at one point I ended up just sitting on him. That night we watched the new episode of Rick and Morty, and he came up and stood in front of me so I was just all “Do you WANT me to sit on you?” I ended up sitting on his lap every time we watched Rick and Morty or he stole my chair from then on. We started talking more, and he invited me to this small dinner of 5 people at the Cheesecake Factory which was nice. Then I invited him to my birthday slumber party at my empty house (cuz we’re moving), and he came with 2 other camp people but was the only one to stay the night. We ended up sleeping next to each other pretty close on the floor, and in the morning he put his arm around me and we spooned for awhile. I drove him back to camp in the morning, and on the way he (nervously) asked me if I wanted to hang sometime after camp and obviously I said yes. 

The last two nights of camp we and a few other people played with the VR late into the night, and the night of my birthday (the last night of camp), he stole my chair so I sat on him and the friend who likes me came and dragged us into the side room which we could not escape from without standing up (cuz big cords blocked our path). We ended up sitting in that room, me on his lap, until 3:30am just talking and pressing our faces together. Then he walked me back to my building.

The last day of camp, everyone was saying goodbye to each other, and he grabbed me and dragged me to a bench and had me sit on his lap, then he told me he likes me and I told him I know and I like him too. He was like “So you still want to hang next week?” and I said we should go to the zoo so that’s what we’re doing tomorrow. I sat on his lap and we talked for a little while, and all of the Orlando people drove by and we waved. At one point he kissed my forehead and I kissed his in return. His friend was waiting for us this whole time so we finally stood up to leave, and we just kinda stared at each other for a second, and he seemed nervous so I was just all “Okay come here” and kissed him. It was kinda a terrible kiss cuz I’ve only kissed fuckbois who go straight for the tongue and this was sooo not that, so I didn’t know what to do. As we pulled away I was all “I don’t know how to do this hahaha” and he said “We’ll work on it :)”

So yeah. That’s the story of the second half of the summer. Now I’ve got (my first ever) date in the morning and I’m leaving in a week which kinda sucks but whatever, we’ll see how this goes. 

Overall, this summer was both perfect and exactly what I needed. I hung out with my high school friends a decent amount, but I made so many new camp friends and my self-esteem got a nice big boost. I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person this summer, and am so much more confident in my people skills and myself now. Yay summer. 

[the-last-centurion]

Continuing the saga of me being eternally frustrated cuz this boy and I are meant to be together (wow this is a fucking long post that got out of hand real quick): 

Yesterday there was a work picnic at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (in the warm California sun) and I asked him for a ride. We drove 3 other people, but for some reason they all gave me shotgun even though I was the 2nd to last person to arrive for pickup. What was supposed to be a 1 hour drive turned into a 3 hour drive cuz traffic’s a bitch, and when we got to the Boardwalk the picnic was supposed to be almost over and parking was full so we would’ve had to drive back to the other side of Santa Cruz to get parking near a shuttle that would take us back. There was no way we were doing that, so he was all “just get out, I’ll go find parking somewhere else” and I said “no I’m not making you drive around Santa Cruz alone” and so the other three people in the car got out (without a single objection) and we went to get gas and decided to just grab food at a diner and go to this really good ice cream place. So basically what was supposed to be a big work get-together turned into just me and him hanging out in Santa Cruz for a few hours. It was a lot of fun and not awkward or anything (which I was afraid it would be), and we had some pretty great conversations. 

First of all, the fact that the pieces fit together just right to make this fucking happen is insane. Like, the universe seriously wants us to be together.

When we were driving back to pick up the one guy that we were taking back (everyone else found other rides), we were playfully arguing over the directions, and he said “I was going to say something cheesy, and I’m going to say it anyway now that I warned you. We sound like a married couple.” And I just went with it, going “honey come on just stop and ask for directions” and all. It was just a great moment.

We were just talking to each other the whole ride back without a single lull in the conversation, and it took us until we were almost back to realize the other guy in the car was asleep the whole time. 

He kept making Hamilton references and trying to get Hamilton stuck in my head.

He was being pretty hard on himself for underestimating how long it would take to get there and also was really annoyed with our navigator for being a really shitty navigator, saying that his biggest thing is efficiency, and that is so 100% me it’s not even funny. 

We were talking about how we should’ve gone to a beach in Half Moon Bay instead of Santa Cruz, and he brought up Miramar saying that they have a great restaurant, and that happens to be the one beach and restaurant I always go to with my family. We even went 2 weeks ago. This doesn’t sound like the biggest coincidence but just humor me.

We were planning on watching Heathers the musical at my house after the beach, but because it took so long and he had DnD (dungeons and dragons.... what a nerd) with his friends right after we couldn’t. So plans kept flip-flopping but first he was like I’d rather spend more time with camp people so I’ll just skip DnD and we can do Heathers tonight (ditching his friends for me aww), then he invited me to come to DnD with him (aww), then I suggested watching it the next morning and he was all “10am sounds like too early to watch a movie, how about we do it after your family thing ends at 9 tomorrow night?” (ayyy). But in the end it didn’t work out this weekend so we’ll have to do it some other time.

We were trying to plan out Heathers and he said that this weekend can be Heathers and next weekend we should watch another movie together. Which means he will voluntarily hang out with me yay.

So yeah that was how I spent my Saturday. And this post clearly makes it sound like I’m being obsessive, which I mean I am NOW, but in the moment it was all totally natural and I was not over thinking anything at all. It’s just so easy to be with him, and I’ve seriously never met anyone who I have so much in common with, plus it seems like the universe is doing everything but write in the stars “you belong together”, so yeah. All the coincidences between us are just freaky. And I don’t even have this much in common with my friends. He even plays trumpet, and tried moderately hard to remind me of that when we were in the car. If we don’t at least acknowledge the fact that we are perfect together by the end of the summer (which is one month away boooo) then I am going to be so full of regret. 

[the-last-centurion]

Scatterbrained post in which I took multiple approaches so it seems very weird and repetitive sorry:

Sometimes I feel like the world is screaming at me and I don’t know what to do about it. Like clearly this guy and I are meant to be together, but how do I act upon this when I’m so awkward???

First day at work I see him across the room and think “he’s cute I should find a way to talk to him” and he comes over and starts talking to me

First person I talk to at work ever, turns out to be good friends with my best friend

The one other guy he’s talked to (and introduces me to -- 2nd person I meet) was scheduled to be my co-counselor week 2

Ended up being my co-counselor week 1

In the same troop as me so we do activities together

Is into absolutely everything I’m into

FUCKING PLAYED RON IN AVPM

Me: *is obsessed with Starkid*

Boy: *played Ron in AVPM/S* *goes to Michigan and went to A Very Starkid Reunion* *talks to me about Starkid shows*

Me: *huge theater nerd*

Boy: *asks if it’s okay if he plays Hamilton while we’re working and talks about obscure musicals*

Boy: “If I could have any animal in the world it’d be a St. Bernard”

Me: “Every time I take a Patronus quiz I always get St. Bernard.”

like of all the fucking animals in the world he chooses fucking ME WITHOUT KNOWING IT

But now that I’m very self-aware of this I’ve started being slightly weird and aloof around him to hide the fact that I think we’d be perfect together so rip us